


Gingerbread

by Sarah (The_British_American_Girls), The_British_American_Girls



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Armitage Hux Needs A Hug, Awesome Phasma, BFFs, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Bisexual Rey (Star Wars), Brendol Hux's A+ Parenting, Child Abuse, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Cutting, Daddy Issues, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Drinking, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Manipulation, Evil Snoke, F/F, F/M, First Time, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gaslighting, Gay Bar, Gay Sex, Han Solo's A+ Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Hux Backstory, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Knifeplay, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Lesbian Phasma, Loss of Virginity, Love Confessions, M/M, Mechanics, Military Background, Multi, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Parent Han Solo, Parents Han and Leia, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Phasma Ships It, Polyamorous Character, Poor Hux, Poor Life Choices, Praise Kink, Recreational Drug Use, Rey Ships It, Sexting, Sibling Rivalry, Snoke Being a Dick, Sorry Not Sorry, Spirit Animals, Underage Drinking, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virginity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-05-14 12:44:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 35
Words: 184,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_British_American_Girls/pseuds/Sarah, https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_British_American_Girls/pseuds/The_British_American_Girls
Summary: Armitage Hux owns and runs a bakery with his best friend Phasma. One day, an attractive young man, Ren, walks in and changes his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've been working on this fic for a friend for a while now. Thought I'd share it with the rest of you! I hope you enjoy it as much as she does :)

Chapter One

Hux didn't know why he had chosen this profession. Having to wake up at 3:00 in the morning didn't appeal to him. But he supposed it was better than the plans his father'd had for him. Brendol Hux was career military. Like his father before him and his father before him. But Hux had a more sensitive soul, he assumed he'd gotten that from his mother. So, the violent world of the military never appealed to him. His mother had been a florist, but that didn't really appeal to him much either. He loved spending time in the kitchen though. The time he spent mixing and pouring always relaxed him. He thought it just made sense. The part about having to wake up early in the morning had never occurred to him. He'd much rather stay up all hours of the night and not get out of bed until at least afternoon, but he just sighed and rolled out from under the covers.  
His coworker and best friend Phasma was already there when he arrived. He groggily walked in without a word and got straight to work.  
"You seem awfully chipper this morning," Phasma said sarcastically.  
Hux shrugged. "Just tired is all."  
"You know what I think it is?" Hux waited for her answer as he busied himself with the coffee. "You need to get laid."  
"Fuck you," Hux replied. This was Phama's answer to everything. If sex couldn't fix it, nothing could.  
Phasma laughed. "But I'm not your type Love. Honestly, when was the last time you had a good shag?"  
"None of your business," Hux answered, irritated they were discussing his sex life or lack thereof.  
"Let's see," Phasma contemplated aloud. "There was that guy you were dating, like two years ago."  
"Please do not bring him up," Hux nearly begged. "I don't want to think about him."  
Knowing she had crossed a line, Phasma grew quiet. "My point is," she finally decided to continue, "there is something lacking in your life. And let's face it a harmless fling would do you some good."  
"Well, maybe some of us don't want a casual thing or a one night stand," Hux argued. "I'm fine with celibacy for the time being, all right?"  
Phasma shrugged and went back to her work.  
Hux buried himself in his morning routine. He was pissed at Phasma now. He'd tried to get over DJ, even attempted a fling once or twice, but DJ had been such an important part of his life. He was even willing to come out formally to his father for him. But before he had, DJ had cheated on him. Hux had walked in on them.  
"Hux, I'm so sorry," DJ said as he grabbed the last box of his things.  
Hux still had tears in his eyes, but he was seething. "Just get the fuck out."  
"Hux, please, it was a mistake," DJ said as he set down the box and reached for Hux. "I love you!"  
"Really?" Hux asked angrily, moving away from DJ's embrace. "Is that why you decided to fuck some other guy?" Hux yelled through angry tears.  
"Please Hux, I'm so sorry," DJ pleaded, now with tears of his own.  
Hux took a deep breath, trying to calm himself as best he could. "I loved you DJ. I would have done anything for you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I...I... Just get the Hell out."  
Hux internally yelled at himself for reliving that memory. Though, he thought, he ought to curse Phasma for it. He shook his head and went back to work.  
The day went by like any other. Nothing really different from any other day, until HE walked in. He was tall and dressed in all black. Not gothic per say, but nice, with skinny jeans and a long sleeved button up shirt he'd rolled the sleeves up to his elbows. He walked up to the counter and smiled.  
"Um, uh, hi, uh, what can I get for you?" Hux managed to stammer out.  
"A coffee and a chocolate chip muffin," he answered.  
'God, his voice is sexy,' Hux thought to himself.  
"Cream or sugar...or, anything?"  
"No, just black is fine," he answered.  
"Can I get your name?" Hux asked as he opened a marker to write on the cup.  
"Ren," he answered simply.  
"Interesting name," Hux replied.  
Ren leaned a little closer with a mischievous smile. "You should hear my number."  
Hux didn't know how to respond. Was this guy flirting with him?  
Ren moved away from the counter and dug into his pocket for his wallet. "How much do I owe you?"  
"Um, $3.50," Hux answered.  
Ren handed him a ten. "Keep the change."  
"That's a nice TIP," Phasma said coming up behind Hux.  
Ren shrugged. "What can I say, he's cute." He winked as a took the coffee and bag with his muffin. "Later Gingerbread!" he called as he exited the small building. Hux was left there, staring at the now empty space this man had occupied for no more than five minutes.  
"Um, you remember this morning when I said you need to get laid? I think you should definitely hop a ride on that train," Phasma said. "Even I'M turned on and he wasn't even flirting with me."  
Hux finally broke his gaze away. "He wasn't flirting with me either. Dumb ass kid probably talks to everyone like that." Hux left the cash register and went to the back to work on more of their wares. Hux realised he was having a hard time catching his breath. Why should he be so shaken by this random encounter? It didn't matter, he was certain he would never see him again.

***

Tuesday was the next day. On Tuesdays, Hux ran the shop by himself. He was glad of it too. He adored Phasma dearly, but she could infuriate him so easily some times. He supposed that was because they were so close. They'd both come from families that pushed for military careers, but neither of them wanted that. They found a solace within each other as that their life experiences seemed to so closely mimic one another's. But, being as close as they were, they sometimes fought like siblings. Hux looked forward to his one day to run the shop alone.  
He kept himself busy all morning, never really getting a chance to let his mind wander until HE walked in again.  
Today Ren wore a v-neck, form fitting t-shirt and dark jeans. "Morning again Gingerbread!" he called out cheerfully.  
Hux glared slightly. He'd been teased with that nickname in his childhood because of his red hair.  
"I would ask that you kindly refrain from calling me that," Hux replied.  
Ren smiled that quirky smile he'd thrown at Hux the day before. It sent chills down his spine. "What can I get you?"  
"My usual," Ren answered.  
"You come in here twice and you think you have a usual?"  
Ren leaned closer and nearly whispered, "Sure, I think you remember me pretty well."  
Hux did NOT want to play into this guy's game. "Sure, I think I remember you. Ben was it?"  
Ren's smile fell. "It's Ren," he replied, almost angrily it seemed.  
"My apologies, you just seem like every other college kid who walks in here."  
"Oh I promise you, I'm one of a kind," Ren said, his smile back. "Black coffee and chocolate chip muffin, please. In case you forgot."  
Hux put the muffin in a small bag and poured the coffee in a cup to go. "That'll be $3.50," Hux said non-chalantly.  
Ren smiled, pulled his wallet out and handed him three ones and two quarters. He took his bag and coffee. "See you later Gingerbread," he said with a wink as he left.  
Hux's head was swimming. He didn't know what to think. He texted Phasma 'He came back in today.' She seemed to reply almost immediately with 'Jump his bones!'  
Hux rolled his eyes and put his phone away.

***

Wednesday was Phasma's day to run the shop by herself. Hux didn't care to not be there himself, but it was the schedule they'd agreed on when they opened. Hux still did work for the shop on his days off though, going through financials and other necessary paperwork. The one thing he did look forward to on his days off was getting to sleep in. He enjoyed lazy mornings just lounging in bed until he decided it was time to get up.  
He and Phasma still texted each other all day of course. Hux laughed to himself thinking perhaps they both had a rather unhealthy dependent relationship with each other.  
Phasma had been there for him since he could remember. Though he never had officially, she was the first person he'd ever come out to. It was like, she just knew and she was right, so there was no reason to deny it or throw it out there to let her know.  
As Hux was rolling out of bed, he got his first text from Phasma that day 'Your boyfriend just came in asking about you. He seemed disappointed you had the day off.'  
Hux's breaths started to come in short. How could this kid get to him without him even being there? He tossed his phone on the bed and rubbed at his eyes. Hux realized he'd gotten hard just thinking about him.  
"For fucks sake!" he yelled aloud. What had gotten into him? It wasn't as though he couldn't look at attractive men without getting a hard on. But this guy was different. Ren was blatantly seeking him out. Why? Hux didn't see himself as unattractive, but he definitely didn't see himself as desirable either. Maybe this was all just a game to this kid? Like he just wanted to see how much of a rise he could manage to get out of Hux. At this point, he was getting quite a rise out of him. Hux told himself he'd take care of it in the shower.

***

Hux didn't know why he was nervous as he opened the bakery the next morning. He knew he was anticipating his new friend coming in. He wanted to see him and didn't at the same time.  
"Something troubling you Hux?" Phasma asked, noticing his anxiety.  
"What? No, I'm fine," he answered as he he tossed a batch of chocolate chip muffins in the oven.  
"Thinking about Ren?" she encouraged.  
"Will you shut up about him? I don't care whether or not he comes through that door today, all right? He's...he's, just a guy," Hux quietly finished.  
"Uh-huh," Phasma said, "just a guy you're prepping freshly made muffins for." She quickly went out on to the floor before Hux could say anything in return. He knew she was right, but he hated that she was. He was excited to see him, but it bothered him immensely. He hadn't been this excited over a man since DJ. He kicked himself mentally for thinking about him. Even after two years he could still get to him. Ren didn't seem anything like DJ anyway. Where DJ had been subtle, Ren was more in your face. Ren was smooth where DJ was just as awkward as Hux was. Hux glowered at himself. Why was he even comparing the two? He still hated DJ and didn't want to think about him and as far as Ren went...well, he didn't even know him. Hux waited in anticipation all day for Ren to come in, but he never showed. Hux couldn't help feeling disappointed. Then he cursed at himself for feeling that way. What did this kid mean to him? Nothing! So what should he care if he came in or not? Though Hux realised he was craving the attention from Ren. He wasn't sure if it was Ren's attention in particular he wanted or attention from a man in general. Hux decided not to think about him for the rest of the day.

***

Friday mornings always seemed to be the busiest for some reason. There was just something about Fridays that excited people. For so many it was the last day of the work week, and who wouldn't get excited about that? Hux and Phasma were so busy that morning, he didn't even have time to think about Ren.  
"What can I get started for you?" Hux asked absent mindedly to the next customer in line without even looking up.  
"And a good morning to you too Gingerbread."  
He looked up and saw Ren. Some how, he still took his breath away.  
"Good morning," he replied as casually as he could, though he was certain he failed. "Your usual this morning?"  
"Ah, you remembered?!" Ren said excitedly.  
"It's not that difficult of an order and you're pretty easy to remember."  
Ren shrugged as he dug into his pocket for his wallet. "So you have plans for your weekend?" Ren asked coolly as he handed his money to Hux.  
Hux shook his head. "Not really. You?" he hoped Ren had finally given up on whatever game he was playing.  
"I didn't before, but I do now," Ren answered as he took his change and his coffee and bag. "I'm taking you out."  
"What?" Hux was confused.  
"I'll pick you up here at six. Don't be late. See you Gingerbread!" he called as he walked out.  
Hux stood there dumbfounded. Did that really just happen? Did this guy just say he was taking Hux out? And without his permission? The audacity! The presumption! Who did he think he was?! And yet, Hux was impressed and very turned on.  
"Sounds like you'll be having yourself a fun night," the next customer in line said, breaking Hux out of his thoughts.  
Hux laughed. "I guess we'll see."

***

Hux paced the floor, waiting for Ren to show. He worried it was all a big joke. But he hoped it wasn't.  
"Sit down," Phasma instructed. "You're making me nervous."  
"I can't sit down! I'm too nervous to sit." He kept pacing. "What if he doesn't show? Or he shows just so he can laugh that I was so 'obedient' to a complete stranger? I don't even know anything about him! His name is Ren, that's about all I know."  
"Hux," Phasma said kindly as she grabbed his hand. He stopped pacing. "It's all right to be nervous. Just breath, what happens, happens. All right?"  
Hux nodded. He knew Phasma was right. There was no reason to fret. Worrying wouldn't change the outcome either way.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> POV Ren. Ren takes Hux on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each chapter will switch off between the POV of Hux and Ren. Ren has a running inner monologue that I hope you enjoy as much as I do.

Chapter Two

Ren pulled into the parking lot. He took a deep breath before turning the car off.  
"Wow, you actually showed! Though I shouldn't be surprised." Ren shook his head. "No, maybe 'well hello again.' Damn it! This was so much easier when I was just flirting. What if he doesn't even want to go? What if..." he closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "Just breath Ren, just breath." He got out of the car. "All right, here goes nothing." He went up to the bakery's door and knocked. He figured it would be impolite to simply walk in. It was after business hours and he was here for a different kind if business any way. The tall blonde woman answered the door. She smiled kindly.  
"Hi," Ren said with a genuine smile. "I'm here to pick up...you know, I really do feel awful for not knowing his real name."  
"As you should," she replied coolly. She stepped aside. "Come in."  
"Thanks." Ren stepped inside. He smiled when he saw him. "Hey," he said with a softer smile. He noticed how he stood there so stoically, nearly military like. It made him laugh on the inside.  
"Evening," he replied.  
"I'm Ren. I haven't caught your name."  
"Hux," he answered.  
Ren smiled. "It's nice to finally actually meet you."  
"You as well I suppose," Hux replied, a bit more coolly than Ren cared for. Hux looked to the blond woman, but Ren couldn't read his expression.  
"Well, you boys have fun!" she said as she made her way to the door. "I open tomorrow so stay out as late as you like, Love. Night!" And she was gone, almost as though she'd never even been there.  
Ren looked back at Hux and smiled. "So, um, well, I, uh-"  
"Not so smooth with words when it's just you and I?" Hux observed. "What a shame, I was so looking forward to your seemingly quick witted banter."  
Ren looked down at the floor. He was so nervous. "Look, I really didn't think you'd show up tonight." He looked back up at Hux and said, "But I'm glad you did."  
Hux didn't seem to know how to reply. So Ren filled in the silence. "If you don't want to go out with me, I totally understand-"  
"I'm here aren't I?" Hux interrupted.  
Ren looked down at the floor again. "Yeah, but I didn't even actually ask you. I just sort of, well, you know-"  
"You're really not as brazen as you made yourself out to be, are you?" Hux asked in interest.  
Ren ran his fingers through his hair. "I guess you could say that."  
Hux stepped closer. "Why the act?"  
Ren shrugged, wrapping his arms around himself as if he were cold. He looked up, but wouldn't meet Hux's eyes. "I don't know, I guess I just wanted you to notice me."  
Ren finally mustard the courage to look at Hux. He was surprised when he realized he had nearly crossed the entire room and was now standing right in front of him.  
"Believe me, I noticed you," Hux said with an encouraging smile.  
Ren smiled in return. It was amazing to him how comforting Hux's smile was to him. He thought he could watch him smile for hours and never get bored with it.  
"Well, if you're ready, we should head out," Ren said.  
"Sure," Hux followed Ren out, locking up as they left.  
Hux turned to see Ren heading to his car. Ren waited for the expected awe that usually came when someone first saw his car.  
"This is YOUR car?" Hux asked.  
Ren sighed. "It's actually my dad's."  
"It's lovely," Hux replied.  
"It's a piece of junk," Ren said in turn. "But if it impresses you, I'll drive it," he said with a wink. "Hop in."  
Hux smirked and rolled his eyes. "There's the Ren I first met," he said as he climbed into the passenger side of the old mustang.  
Ren sat in the driver's seat. "Well, I can't be perfectly smooth ALL the time," Ren replied as he turned the ignition. "I've got to let you know I am fallible. I mean, you wouldn't want to date a PERFECT man now would you?"  
Hux scoffed. "That and I leave you a little unhinged, don't I? So you're not as quick as you'd like to be," Hux observed.  
'That's not what he's supposed to say!' Ren thought to himself. 'Think Ren. Think damn it! Um, YOU'RE unhinged. Great Ren, insult him. That will TOTALLY turn him on.'  
Ren shrugged. "Maybe," was all he said as he pulled out of the parking lot and into traffic.  
They were silent for the first bit of the drive. So Ren kept going over in his head exactly what he wanted to say. He still wanted Hux to see him as cool and smooth, though he was starting to worry it wasn't working out real well for him.  
"So, where are you taking me?" Hux finally asked, almost seemingly bored.  
Ren glanced over with his mischievous grin. "It's a surprise."  
Hux sighed. "I detest surprises."  
"Come on Gingerbead, where's your sense of adventure?! You're out with a complete stranger, who is very attractive by the way. So, just sit back and enjoy the ride!"  
'Was RIDE too obvious?' Ren wondered. 'Oh well, too late now.'  
"You think rather highly of yourself don't you?" Hux said. Ren couldn't tell if it was annoyance he heard in Hux's voice though.  
'Don't panic. Don't panic. You can turn this around.'  
"Well, let's just say, I know what I'm worth," Ren said aloud.  
Hux didn't say anything in return, he just stared out the window.  
'Shit. Shit. Shit! Way to impress him Ren! Tell him how awesome you think you are, great tactic. Okay, um, open communication. Get HIM talking. Ask him something.'  
"So, when you're not working, what do you do in your spare time? Other then steal hearts I mean."  
'What was that?! How stupid are you?! Cheesy one liners? Really?! You're better than that! Come on!'  
Ren looked over at Hux and noticed a hint of a smile though.  
"Honestly I don't do much outside of the bakery. If I'm not there, I'm home. Or with Phasma."  
"That your coworker?" Ren asked.  
Hux nodded. "Yeah. She's been my best friend for ages."  
"That's cool," Ren replied.  
"What about you? What do YOU do?"  
Ren grinned. "Whatever I want." Hux did NOT seem amused by his answer. "I'm going to school right now. Working on becoming an engineer."  
"That's quite interesting," Hux sounded impressed.  
"Not nearly as interesting as you," Ren flirted.  
'Was that too much? He's rolling his eyes. Damn it! But it's true! I find him fascinating! His hair, his accent, his eyes! Damn, I could get lost in those eyes.'  
"We're here!" Ren nearly shouted as he pulled into the parking lot.  
"Is this what I think it is?"  
Ren turned the car off. "Well, that depends. If you think it's the perfect first date with your next boyfriend then you'd be right," Ren teased with a wink.  
'Yes! THAT one was smooth.'  
"Come on, let's go in." Ren got out of the car and Hux followed.  
'Should I grab his hand? I don't know if he'd even LET me hold his hand. I bet his hands are so nice. Oh the things I'd let him do with those hands. Stop it. Stop it! It's just one date, okay? Who says he'll even want to see you again, let alone do only God knows with those hands. Just stop! Okay, just make it through tonight and you can think about his hands later.'  
They checked in at the front desk and received their gear. Ren loved laser tag. Being an adult, he knew it was childish to enjoy it as much as he did, but he didn't care.  
'I don't see anything wrong with loving laser tag,' Ren said to himself. 'I mean, it's fun! And I have some great memories of it. Who cares if people think I'm too old to enjoy it? I don't have to justify my life to anyone.'  
"I've actually never played laser tag before," Hux admitted as they went off to put on their gear.  
Ren stopped in his tracks. "Are you serious!"  
"Don't be so shocked," Hux said casually. "I kind of had a sheltered childhood. My dad is a very no nonsense kind of man. So, I'm sure there's plenty of things I've never done before."  
'There's one thing I KNOW I'd like you to do,' Ren thought. 'Damn, he is so HOT! I can't even believe I'm out with him right now. Just chill Ren, okay. Make it through tonight. Show him a good time and maybe, just maybe he'll let you kiss him or something.'  
"Well, I'll go easy on you then," Ren said as he started strapping Hux into his gear. "It's pretty simple mechanics. Point and pull the trigger." Ren strapped himself into his gear. "Oh, and don't get shot," Ren said as he shot Hux and ran out to the arena.  
'This was stupid, wasn't it? Damn it Ren! No wonder you've never had a serious relationship. He probably thinks you're a dumb kid. I don't know, maybe I am. Maybe THAT'S why I've never had a real relationship. Whatever, just focus on now okay.'  
Hux finally entered the arena. Ren aimed and shot. He was surprised when Hux rolled out of the way of the shot! He then stood up and shot Ren. Hux smiled mischievously.  
"Hey Ren, don't get shot!" Hux winked and ran off.  
Ren was completely dumbfounded.  
'For a guy who's never played laser tag before, he seems to have figured it out pretty quickly.'  
Ren watched Hux while he waited for his sensor to reset. Hux took out another two people just as he turned away from Ren and then took off to shoot another guy who was trying to hide.  
'Is it weird that I am SO turned on right now? Damn!'  
Ren's sensor signaled that he was able to rejoin the game and he ran off to find Hux.  
'I'm not THAT competitive,' Ren tried to convince himself. 'But I'll be damned it I let a newbie upstage me at MY game.'  
But it didn't take long for Hux to once again find Ren and shoot him.  
"Damn you," Ren laughed. "Bull shit you've never played before."  
Hux laughed. 'God, even his LAUGH is sexy!' Ren thought.  
"I guess I should have mentioned I'm an excellent marksman," Hux replied with a devious smile. He winked and then dashed off shooting another three players without even trying.  
'Oh my God. I didn't think he could get any hotter. Damn!'  
Ren joined back into the game. He took out a few others and then went to find Hux. He finally found him with his guard down and he snuck up on him. Ren put his laser gun to Hux's back.  
"Got you now Gingerbread."  
Hux put his hands up and turned around. "That you do. Now what are you going to do?"  
'Do it Ren. He's ASKING for it!' Ren leaned in and kissed him. 'Now shoot him and run away.' But before he could Hux shot him! Ren pulled away in surprise. 'That's not how this is suppose to go!'  
Hux smiled and ran off.  
Ren laughed. "Get back here you son of a bitch!" he yelled as he took off after him. The rest of their time was spent ignoring other players and simply trying to shoot and evade each other.  
"Where did you learn to shoot?" Ren asked as they turned their gear back in.  
"My dad and I used to go shooting," Hux answered. "Guess you weren't expecting that."  
"No, I wasn't," Ren admitted as they went to his car.  
"Thank you," Hux said as they both sat down. "I had a really good time."  
"I'm glad," Ren replied as he started the car and headed back to the bakery.  
They talked as they made their way back. Ren parked and turned the car off.  
"So, I guess this is where we say good night then," Ren said.  
"Yeah," Hux agreed. He was quiet a moment. "Are you doing anything tomorrow? Maybe we could-"  
"Yes!" Ren interrupted. "I mean, no. I'm not. I mean, I-"  
Hux leaned over and kissed him. He put his hand in Ren's hair and pulled him closer to him.  
'Oh my God!' Ren thought. 'I have no idea what I'm doing. Can he tell? What do I do?! His tongue! Oh my God, that's how it's supposed to feel? Wait, where do I put my hands?! Where is he putting HIS hands?! Oh my God! Oh God! Oh God! He's touching me! Please don't stop. Oh please don't! Am I supposed to do that to HIM? Are we going to...? No way, not here. Not now. Does he want to? Do I want to? Oh God yes I do!'  
Hux finally pulled away. He was breathing a bit harder. "Sorry, I think I got a little carried away," he said with a smile.  
Ren's breaths were coming in harder as well. He swallowed and said, "That's okay. I didn't mind."  
"So, um," Hux said looking away. He was avoiding Ren's eyes. "If you give me your number, I'll text you after work and maybe we could get together again. If you'd want?"  
"I'd like that," Ren replied. They exchanged numbers and Hux got out of the car. Ren did as well. "I'll walk you to your car," he offered. Hux's car was only three parking spots away, but he wasn't ready to say good bye.  
Hux gave a slight laugh and let Ren walk with him to his car. "So, this is it." Hux unlocked the door and opened it. He turned back to Ren and said, "I REALLY had a good time. Thank you." He leaned forward and gave Ren a quick peck on the lips. "See you tomorrow Ren."  
"Later Gingerbread."  
Ren watched as Hux drove away. Ren got back in his car and drove home. He was elated! 'I feel high,' Ren thought to himself as he drove the freeway home. 'I can't believe it! The way he kissed me, God that was amazing! He obviously didn't mind that I had no idea what I was doing. Or did he?' Ren felt his high die down a little. 'He seems far more experienced then me. I mean, of course he's more experienced than I am, I mean, he's older...but he can't be THAT much older than me. But maybe he just sees me as a naive kid. But then again, maybe he's into that, training up the next generation of gay youth.' Ren laughed to himself. 'Doesn't matter. I had an amazing night and he said he wants to see me again.' Ren's high came back as he drove home.  
His mom was sitting on the couch reading when he came in. She smiled and put her book down. "Hey honey, how was your date?"  
"Is Dad home?" Ren asked.  
"You think I'd be asking how your date went if he were? Come sit down," Leia said patting the cushion next to her. Ren sat next to his mom. She put an arm around his shoulder. Ren smiled to himself.  
'I love that she still does that. I don't think it matters how old I get, I am always gonna be her baby.'  
Breaking into Ren's thoughts she said, "So tell me how it was."  
Ren smiled. "It was nice. We had a lot fun."  
'We had LOTS of fun,' Ren joked to himself.  
"Good. I'm glad," Leia replied with a smile.  
'I don't know what I would have done if Mom hadn't accepted it when I came out. I knew Dad would flip, but Mom was still so kind and loving. I know she doesn't agree with it, but she loves me in spite of it.'  
Ren leaned into his mom's shoulder and sighed. "Hey, Mom. How do you know when a guy likes you? I mean like, like-likes you, and not like, likes you for something you can give him?"  
Leia chuckled. "Like sex?" she asked.  
Ren pulled away from his mom with a smile. "Way to be subtle Mom."  
Leia laughed.  
'I will always remember that laugh,' Ren thought to himself. 'Even when I'm 80 years old, I'll remember it. My mother is just so beautiful.'  
"Ben," Leia said as she put her hand on her sons knee. Ren hated it when she called him by his given name, but he didn't say anything. "I don't know if there IS a formula to know if a person's feelings are genuine. I've heard people say you need to look at what a man does and not at what he says to know how he feels about you, but I think maybe it's more than that. I think it comes down to how it makes you feel. Does that make sense at all?"  
Ren nodded. "Yeah, it does."  
"Mom?" Ren's younger brother Jacen said groggily as he came into the living room.  
"What are you doing up?" Ren asked angrily.  
"I was talking to Mom," Jacen said snarky.  
"Yeah, well, I was talking to her first you little shit."  
"Ben!" Leia yelled at him. Ren looked down dejectedly. He hated upsetting his mother. Leia looked at Jacen. "You should be in bed."  
"I woke up from a nightmare," Jacen said.  
"Well, it was just a dream. Go back to bed and I'll be in in a minute to talk to you. Okay?"  
"Okay," Jacen said as he went back to his room.  
"Why do you have to be so mean to your brother?" Leia asked Ren.  
"I was talking to you," Ren answered wrapping his arms around himself. "And he's always interrupting and thinks his problems are more important than mine-"  
"He's eleven," Leia reminded him.  
'He's an obnoxious little shit, that's what he is,' Ren said to himself.  
"I'm sorry," Ren whispered aloud. "I'll do better."  
Leia patted her son on the leg. "Thank you. Now, why don't you finish telling me about your date-"  
"I'm really tired Mom, I think I'm just gonna go to bed," Ren said as he stood up.  
"Ben?" Leia called to him when he was in the hall. He stopped and looked at her. "I love you sweetie."  
Ren gave a half hearted smile. "I know Mom. I love you too." He then went to his room.  
Ren laid down on his bed and tried not to think about anything. He curled into himself, pulling his pillow close to him. 'I can just imagine lying next to Hux.' Ren sighed happily. 'God, when he touched me...' Ren could feel himself getting hard. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "God Hux, if you were here right now," Ren said aloud. Suddenly his phone rang. He sighed and looked at it.  
'It's Hux. Just wanted to say again that I had a great time. Thanks! Can't wait to see you tomorrow. Sleep well!'  
Ren smiled. And quickly tapped out a reply. 'Me too. Nite :)'


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux plans another date. Their relationship continues to grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These few beginning chapters are still pretty short. We're just establishing our characters and the world they live in. Thanks for sticking around! There's more to come!

Chapter 3

Hux woke the next morning feeling refreshed. He slept so well. He laid in bed and closed his eyes, thinking about Ren.  
"I'll take him out to dinner tonight," Hux decided aloud, but then he thought on it. Was that too simple? Especially after the fun night Ren showed him.  
Hux's phone rang. He hoped it would be Ren. It was Phasma.  
'I am DYING to know how it went!'  
Hux smiled and texted back, 'Tell you all about it when I come in.'  
Hux sighed. He contemplated on texting Ren. He wasn't sure if he should or not. Wasn't there an unspoken rule about waiting to call or text when it came to courting? Hux decided he didn't care and sent him a good morning text.  
He wasn't surprised at all and was quite pleased when he got a text back almost immediately.  
'Good morning to u 2 Gingerbread! Hope you slept well ;)'  
Hux found he was actually growing accustomed to the nickname but as he stared down at the text, he realised he was growing irrationally irate with the way Ren was texting.  
He just shook his head and rolled out of bed to shower.

Phasma nearly pounced on him when he walked through the door. "So, tell me EVERYTHING!"  
Hux shrugged. "We had a good time," he answered casually as he made his way to the back. He knew it would drive Phasma crazy not to hear the details, so he decided he would draw it out for as long as possible.  
Phasma quickly followed. "No, no, no, you need to tell me more! Rose and I are fighting over what color to paint the bathroom so I'm not getting any right now. I need to live vicariously through your sexual exploits. What happened?!"  
"All right," Hux said. He was bursting to tell her any way. "He took me out to play laser tag."  
"Really?" Phasma obviously thought this was adorable.  
"It was actually a lot of fun," Hux replied as he threw on his apron.  
"Is that all?" Phasma begged to know more.  
"Of course not, I took him back to my place and fucked him."  
"Don't be so sarcastic," Phasma said. "Seriously, what else?"  
"I kissed him when he dropped me off here," Hux answered. He could still feel Ren's full lips pressed against his.  
"How was that?"  
Hux thought for a moment. "A little awkward actually. Like, I'm not sure he knew what to do. I'll have to teach him," Hux half-heartedly joked as he went out to the front to deal with customers.  
Hux kept debating what to do with Ren that night. Oh, he knew what he WANTED to do with him, but he wanted to take him out. Would it be too sappy to have a candle lit dinner? But maybe that was a good idea. Make dinner for him. Then they'd be at his flat. Hux laughed to himself. He thought he was being devious and clever, but deep down he knew it wasn't. But the more he thought on it, the more he thought it wasn't such a bad idea. No, he wasn't the best chef ever, but he knew his way around a kitchen even if it didn't involve baking. He made up his mind. He was going to make dinner for Ren tonight.  
He texted Ren his address and told him to come over around 8:00pm. Hux's heart was beating fast. It had been a long time since he'd had a man over at his house. He wasn't sure he was ready for this, but it filled him with such excitement.

Hux paced the living room and looked at the time yet again. Ren was nearly ten minutes late! Hux started to wonder if he had misread the whole situation. If so, Ren was an amazing actor. Maybe Ren just felt intimidated by how much more experienced Hux was.  
Finally, Hux heard Ren's car. He waited for Ren to knock. He took a deep breath and opened the door. Hux felt his breath catch. Ren looked even more amazing than he did the night before. He was in his typical black skinny jeans, but he wore a dark blue button up shirt and a black vest.  
"Sorry I'm late," Ren apologized. "I lost track of time."  
Hux smiled, "That's all right. Come in." Ren walked in and Hux closed the door. "You look really nice by the way."  
Ren smiled. "Thanks."  
Hux cleared his throat. "Dinning room is this way." Ren followed him. "Please have a seat." Ren sat down as instructed. "Would you like something to drink? Water, or wine?"  
Ren laughed. "What?" Hux asked, a bit irritated. "Do you not drink?"  
"Not legally," Ren answered. "I'm only twenty. But, I wouldn't mind a beer, if you have any?"  
Hux went to the fridge and pulled out two bottles. "Now you make me feel old."  
"Why? How old are you?" Ren asked as Hux handed him the beer.  
"Twenty-five" Hux answered. "I hope you like chicken," Hux said as he served Ren's plate.  
"Actually, I'm a vegetarian," Ren answered.  
Hux stopped. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea! I..." he trailed off when he realised Ren was quietly laughing. "You're an arse," Hux said with a smile. He went back to serving their food.  
They talked as they ate. Hux watched Ren closely. He really was young, but Hux found it endearing. He loved the way Ren smiled when he talked and the way he absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair.  
After they'd finished dinner, they went to the living room to sit and talk. Ren was on his third beer and Hux was drinking his second glass of wine.  
"So, do you work? I know you're going to university right now, but anything else?"  
"I work at my dad's mechanic shop when I'm not in class," Ren answered.  
"You like it?" Hux asked as he drank the last dregs from his glass.  
Ren shrugged. "It's not bad. I mean, I enjoy it. Machines just make sense to me. I'm not as good at it as my dad is, but I enjoy it."  
"I've never really understood cars," Hux admitted. "I'm lucky if I can change a tire."  
Ren laughed. Hux enjoyed his laugh. "You don't even know how to change the oil?"  
Hux shook his head. "No. Can you imagine me getting my hands dirty trying to change oil?" he joked.  
Ren laughed harder. "Fair enough." He looked at the clock and sighed. "I should probably get going," Ren said as he set his beer on the coffee table. Hux placed his now empty glass next to it.  
"You don't have to, if you don't want to," Hux said as he placed a hand on Ren's knee. Hux leaned in closer to Ren.  
"Well, I guess I could stay a bit longer," Ren whispered as he leaned in too.  
Hux closed the gap between them, pressing his lips to Ren's once again. He kept his hand on Ren's knee and put the other behind his head to play with his long hair. This time, Ren seemed to have figured out what to do with his own hands. He placed one hand over Hux's and the other he put on his neck. He still didn't seem to know what to do with his tongue, but Hux didn't mind taking the lead there.  
Hux moved his hand up Ren's leg. Ren didn't stop him. So he groped him again. He heard Ren moan in pleasure and then abruptly, he pulled away.  
"Hux, I don't, I-"  
"It's all right Ren," Hux assured him as he pulled his hand away. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to." Ren was quiet, trying to catch his breath. He just nodded. Hux brushed Ren's hair behind his ear. "You've never done anything like this before, have you?"  
Ren seemed crestfallen. "Is it that obvious?"  
Hux chuckled. "It's not a big deal Ren. Everyone's a virgin at one point."  
Ren looked Hux in the eye. "It doesn't bother you?"  
"Why should it? Ren," he said gently as he grabbed his hand, "I like you. I REALLY do. So, if you want to take things slow, we can. It doesn't bother me in the least. I promise."  
Ren looked away and let go of a deep breath. Hux thought there were tears in his eyes.  
"I just don't want to disappoint you."  
Hux smiled. "I really don't think that's possible."  
Ren still wouldn't look at Hux. "Maybe you want someone who really knows what he's doing. Someone who can...make you happy."  
Hux grabbed Ren's chin and forced him to look at him. "YOU make me happy, Ren. You make me feel alive. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. I was starting to worry I never would be able to again."  
"Really?" Ren asked.  
Hux nodded. "From the first day I saw you I was completely taken with you. I wanted you in ways you couldn't even imagine. So, yes, I like you Ren and no, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else." Hux leaned in a kissed him again, gently. He pulled his lips back and whispered, "There's no pressure Ren." He kissed him again. "I promise. Nothing will happen." He kissed him harder, sliding his tongue into Ren's mouth. He gently bit Ren's lower lip and added, "Unless you want it to."  
Hux pulled away and looked Ren in the eye. "I will NEVER try to convince you to do something you don't want to do. You understand? You believe me, don't you?"  
Ren nodded. "Of course." He leaned into Hux, resting his head on his shoulder. Hux held Ren in his arms and stroked his hair. "I really like you too Hux," Ren said drowsily. "And I just want you to be happy."  
Hux kissed the top of his head. "I AM happy. The happiest I've been in a long time."  
Ren closed his eyes. "This feels nice." He buried his face into Hux's neck. "And you smell so good." Ren put his arms around Hux. "I should go."  
Hux continued to stroke Ren's hair. "I know. I should make you too. But I don't want to."  
Before Hux realised it, Ren was asleep in his arms. He smiled as he looked down at him. He looked so much younger asleep. Hux tried to get as comfortable as he could with Ren on top of him. He closed his eyes. It had been some time since he'd had the weight of another man on him. He realised how much he'd missed it. He pulled Ren closer and fell asleep.

Hux woke the next morning to an awful screeching sound. Ren wasn't there on the sofa with him. He got up and followed the noise. He came into the kitchen where he saw Ren trying to fan away a large amount of smoke. Hux turned off the smoke detector and opened a window. "What are you doing? Trying to kill yourself with smoke inhalation?"  
Ren looked down, with obvious tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry Hux. I wanted to make you breakfast. I don't know what happened. I'm sorry! I'm such a dumb ass I don't even know my way around a kitchen!"  
Hux grabbed Ren's face in both his hands. "Do not EVER talk about yourself that way again, understand? I will not tolerate it." Hux wiped away a tear that escaped down Ren's cheek. "It's all right. Okay? Things happen." Ren sniffled and nodded. "Thank you for trying to make me breakfast. That was a very kind gesture."  
Ren pouted. "It would have been nicer if I hadn't nearly burned down your apartment."  
Hux shook his head with a smile. "Everything's fine Ren." He pulled Ren into an embrace. Hux looked at the stove clock. "Shit! I'm late!" He let go of Ren and ran to his room.  
"Late for what?" Ren asked confused.  
"Work!" Hux shouted as he tried to change his clothes quickly. "I was supposed to open the shop today! Phasma is going to KILL me!"  
"Um, Phasma texted you," Ren called a little sheepishly.  
"What?" Hux asked in bewilderment as he threw on a clean shirt.  
"You didn't wake when it rang. I kind of glanced at it. Phasma texted you."  
Hux didn't know how he felt about Ren looking at his phone, but he grabbed it and looked. Indeed there was a text from Phasma. 'Morning Luv! I’ve got today covered; you stay in bed with your boyfriend ;)'  
Hux put his phone down. "Apparently Phasma is taking care of it," Hux explained.  
"I'm sorry," Ren apologized. "If I hadn't stayed over, you could've gone into work and-"  
Hux kissed Ren to shut him up. He pulled away and said, "I'd much rather be here with you than be at work."  
Ren looked up at Hux and smiled. But then he frowned again. "Sorry again, about the kitchen."  
"Oh, shut up. Everything's fine. I could show you around the kitchen if you'd like? Teach you a thing or two."  
Ren gave a half smile. "I'd like that."  
"First things first, you never do anything in the kitchen without an apron," Hux said as he went to a cupboard and pulled out a pink frilly apron. He tossed it at Ren. "Here, put this on."  
Ren smiled. "Well, isn't this cute? It certainly matches your eyes."  
"Shut up," Hux said with a smile. "That was a gift from Phasma." He pulled out a second one and put it on. It was a simple black apron and on the front was written 'kiss the cook'.  
Ren bit his lip. "That one suits you much better though," Ren said as he tied his own apron. Hux rolled his eyes, but he smiled. "Let me get it for you," Ren offered as he stood behind Hux and tied his apron in the back. When he was done, Ren kissed the back of his neck. It sent chills down Hux's spine.  
"You don't have to stop," Hux offered as he pulled Ren's arms around himself. Ren kept kissing his neck and then started nibbling on it. Hux moaned.  
Ren smiled and rested his head on Hux's shoulder. "Guess I found your weak spot."  
Hux smiled and opened his eyes again. "I'd say so." He turned to Ren and kissed him. "That was very nice."  
"I'm glad," Ren replied. He was quiet for a moment in thought, but then asked, "Hux, am I your boyfriend?"  
Hux laughed. But stopped when he realised Ren wasn't joining in. "Why would you ask that? Oh, Phasma's text. Well," he pulled Ren closer, "do you WANT to be?"  
Ren smiled mischievously. "I don't know. I mean, I'm not sure there are any perks in it for me," Ren teased.  
Hux pushed Ren against the wall. "Oh, there are perks." He leaned in closer and whispered nearly brushing his lips against Ren's, "I can promise you that." Hux held Ren's hands pinned against the wall by his head. He pressed himself into Ren and kissed him hard, nearly shoving his tongue into his mouth. He could feel Ren getting harder under the weight of him. It turned Hux on. He pulled away and looked Ren in the eye. "So, do you WANT to be my boyfriend?"  
Ren, breathing heavily, nodded.  
"Good," Hux said as be pushed away from Ren. "Now, why don't I show you how to make those muffins you like?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated :D


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Ren had stayed with Hux all day Sunday and snuck back home that night, not wanting a confrontation with his dad. Ren then tried to quietly slip out the door for school Monday morning, without any notice.

"Where have you been Hot Shot?" his dad asked from the kitchen table. Ren sighed and made his way to the dinning room.

"What do you mean?" Ren asked, standing in the doorway.

Han shrugged as he ate his cold cereal. "Just seems like I haven't seen you around all weekend."

"Yeah, I was just...out."

'How would I ever explain to him where I really was? Hopefully that answer will be sufficient for him.'

Han nodded. "See you at the shop this afternoon?"

"Sure thing," Ren answered.

'I was gonna go to the cafe after my last class, to see my new boyfriend, but I guess that plan is shot.'

"See you later kid!" Han called after him as he headed out the door.

'I don't know if I should tell them about Hux. It's probably too soon. I can't wait to tell Uncle Luke about him though. Maybe I should cut class today and go out to see him. Yeah, I think I'll do that. But first I'm gonna stop by and see Hux.'

Ren pulled into the parking lot and took a deep breath. He smiled to himself.

'I'm gonna go see my boyfriend at his work! I am probably way more excited about that then I should be, but I don't care.'

Ren got out of the car and went inside. Phasma was at the cash register. She smiled excitedly.

"Good morning lover boy," she teased. Ren blushed. 

"Hux is in the back if you want to go see him."

"Cool," Ren replied and headed to the back room. He snuck up behind Hux and covered his eyes. "Guess."

"Hmmm, with such strong hands, I have to assume Phasma," Hux answered with a joke.

Ren moved his hands away, so Hux immediately turned around and kissed him.

'God, I would LOVE to do it with him right here, right now.'

Hux pulled away. "Came in for your muffin and coffee?"

Ren shrugged. "I came in to get whatever you'd give me," he said with a smile.

"Oh really? Well, in that case," Hux turned around, grabbed the bag and coffee he'd already prepared for Ren and handed them to him. "Here you go. Have a good day."

Ren accepted them. "That's all? Wow, I feel special."

"Oh, that's not all," Hux replied as he gently pushed Ren against the wall and kissed him.

Ren laughed to himself. 'At least I don't have to try to figure out what to do with my hands this time around.'

Hux finally pulled away. "I hope you have a great day," he said sincerely.

Ren smiled. "You too."

"So, will I see you tonight?" Hux asked.

Ren sighed. "I have to go to put time in at the shop after class. But maybe I can stop by afterward?"

Hux shook his head. "I'll be going to sleep early. I have to open tomorrow and I'll be on my own. But maybe tomorrow night? You could come over and we could watch a film."

Ren smiled. "I'd like that."

'Don't think I don't know what's going on. You just want me back at your apartment so you can have your way with me. And I want you too.'

"I'll text you later," Hux said as he gave him a quick kiss.

"Sure. Later Gingerbread," Ren said as he left.

***  
Ren parked near his uncle's store and went inside. Ren adored his Uncle Luke!

'What's not to love about the guy! He just gets me. Not like Dad. Dad always wanted me to be something I'm not. But Luke opened my eyes to the whole damn world! Luke always made me feel like I could do anything or be anyone.'

As Ren walked inside, he felt all of his senses hit overload, but in a way that was comforting and familiar. He could feel and taste the energy around him. No music played in the store, but there were small fountains of water trickling, and bells and chimes that almost seemed to ring on their own. Luke burnt incense at all times, so the store was filled with their sweet odors. And then of course, there were the colors. Ren sometimes wondered how could so many colors coexist in one place?

"Uncle Luke," Ren called as he made his way to the back.

Paige, Luke's assistant sat at the counter, looking bored like she always did. She was a cute gal, with short dark hair and small frame. She wore heavy black make-up and piercings all over her face. She looked up from the computer for just a moment and went back to it.

"Hey Ren," she said with no enthusiasm.

"Hey," Ren replied. "Luke here?"

Paige pointed behind her with her thumb. "Pretty sure he's in the apartment upstairs. Think he said he was gonna meditate or something."

"Thanks," Ren said as he moved past her to go up the stairs to Luke's apartment.

When Luke had opened his shop, he knew he wanted a place where he could live just above it. That way his energy could always be a part of the store. Ren walked in without knocking.

"Uncle Luke," he called again.

"Ren? Is that you?" Luke sat in the middle of his modestly furnished apartment, cross legged, eyes closed, in a meditative position.

"Yeah," Ren said as he came to sit across from his uncle, in the same position.

"Why aren't you in class?" Luke asked without opening his eyes.

Ren closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to clear his negative energy the way Luke had taught him to. "I came to see you. I wanted to tell you about something important."

"Once we've finished meditating," Luke instructed.

Ren didn't mind at all. He enjoyed his meditation sessions with Luke. He came away from them feeling cleared and whole.

'Dad doesn't get it. Mom barely tolerates it but does because Luke is her brother. But, this helps.' Ren took another deep breath. 'Luke has helped me to calm my tormented soul. He's taught me not to fight my inner demons, but to temper them. Allow them to be a part of me, but not to dominate me.'

Ren heard Luke stand up. Though Luke was done meditating, he waited for Ren to finish. Ren took one last deep breath and opened his eyes.

"So, I had something important I wanted to tell you about," Ren said as he stood up.

"I always like to hear good new from my nephew," Luke said as he sat on a three legged stool, one of the few seats he had in his home.

Ren looked down and smiled. "I met someone." He looked up at Luke to gauge his reaction.

"That's wonderful to hear! Tell me about him."

"His name is Hux. He owns a cafe-bakery in town. He has the cutest English accent and the most gorgeous red hair I've ever seen. And these deep green eyes I could just lose myself in."

"But tell me about HIM," Luke interrupted.

Ren nodded. "Sorry. I just get carried away about the way he looks. He's just beautiful. And he's kind. And understanding." Ren sighed. "He's older than I am, and more experienced."

"You sound disappointed in that," Luke observed.

Ren shook his head. "No, I just..." he sighed. "He said it doesn't bother him that I'm less experienced, but sometimes I feel like it keeps him from REALLY enjoying his time with me."

Luke nodded. "The physical realm is very important at the beginning of a relationship."

"Like, the other night, I know he WANTED to, you know..." Even with how comfortable he felt with Luke, he still felt awkward discussing sex and things of that nature. "But he wouldn't because he didn't want to push me or whatever, but Damn it, I wanted him to take me so badly."

"Did you tell him that?" Luke asked.

Ren looked down ashamed. "No, I figured he'd just think I was trying to say what I thought he wanted me to say."

"Sounds like you two need to communicate better," Luke said in a fatherly tone.

Ren looked down sheepishly. "I've never had a boyfriend before and I just-"

"Oh, so he's your boyfriend huh?" Luke asked.

Ren smiled. "Yeah."

"Well, congratulations!" Luke paused and asked, "Do Han and Leia know?"

Ren winced. "I haven't told them yet."

"Benjamin Organa Solo!" Luke yelled.

Ren's blood began to boil. 'I hate it when he uses my given name! HE'S the one who said I can name myself. How dare he?!'

Luke shook his head. "I'm sorry Ren," Luke apologized sincerely. "But you need to tell them."

Ren looked down in shame. "I know. I'll try to tonight," Ren promised.

Ren spent his morning with Luke until it was time go to work. He texted Hux just before he went into the shop 'Thinking bout you! Hope you have a g8 rest of the day! Xoxoxo'

He went inside to start his few hours of work.

"Afternoon Hot Shot!" Han called as he walked in.

"Hey Dad," was all Ren gave in reply.

"Rey is working on a truck back there, you mind giving her a hand?"

"Sure," Ren said as he went to the employees office. He put his mechanics coveralls on and went out to the shop.

Rey was under the hood of a large Chevy truck. Ren laughed to himself. 'She looks so tiny next to that thing. She's so adorable!'

"Hey little girl," Ren said as he came up behind her. "How's it going?"

Rey stood up and wiped the sweat off of her forehead with the back of her wrist. It was not helpful at all in keeping the grease off of her face. "Look who finally decided to show!" she said sarcastically. "I need you to hold this here for me, so I can screw this on." Ren grabbed the piece she had indicated and she went to work on the rest. "How was your weekend?" Rey asked casually.

'Wonderful! I should tell her. She's like my best friend. But I don't know if she'll say anything Dad. I'm not ready to tell him.'

"Hey! Earth to Ren!" Rey said.

Ren looked at her, pulling himself from his own thoughts.

"Oh, um, it was good. How about yours?"

"Awful really. Finn and Poe were arguing all weekend. Finn gets so stupid jealous sometimes. He's fine with Poe, but sometimes he thinks I don't spend enough time with him."

Ren shook his head. "I still don't get how you do it. I have a hard enough time dealing with one relationship, two would be exhausting."

Rey laughed. "Seeing as you've never had a real relationship before I don't know how you can compare." Rey looked at Ren with concern. "Ren, is something wrong?"

'I should tell her. I WANT to tell her!'

"I have a boyfriend," Ren blurted out.

Rey stopped working. "Ren Solo you tell me right now! When did this happen? Who is he? Where did you meet him?"

Ren smiled. 'God I love Rey! In another world we'd probably ended up together.'

"His name is Hux. I just met him last week. He runs a cafe-bakery in town. We went out this weekend and, well, we're kind of together now."

Rey smiled. "Ren, that is so exciting! I mean, that seems sudden, but it's still exciting! I can't wait to meet him! Have you told Leia and Han about him?"

Ren sighed. "No, you know Dad still doesn't approve of my 'life style'. And I haven't had a chance to tell Mom yet."

Rey shook her head. "You don't give your father enough credit. He loves you and I'm sure he'll be happy because you're happy."

"You have a different relationship with him than I do," Ren argued, feeling himself getting angry. "I don't think he even wanted me. It's like he had the twins when he finally decided he was ready to be a dad."

Rey looked at him with sympathy. "You know that's not true Ren," she said softly. "Your father loves you."

Ren huffed. "Well, it sure feels like that sometimes."

Rey gave the bolt one last hard turn. "There," she stood up and wiped her hands on her pants. "Ren," she said as she turned to him. She grabbed his hands.

Ren smiled to himself. 'Hux would freak if someone tried grabbing his hands with their grease covered hands.' It amused him to think of running his hands all over Hux after he'd spent an afternoon here at the shop.

"Listen, we've been friends for a very long time. Your family is like my own. I know both of your parents just want you to be happy. I'll come with you if you want, when you tell them about Hux?"

'You've always tried to protect me from them,' Ren thought. 'You were there when I came out to them five years ago. I should be a man and do this on my own.'

Ren shook his head. "It's all right," he said aloud. "If I can't face them and tell them myself, then I shouldn't even be IN a relationship."

Rey smiled and patted Ren's cheek. "That's my guy," she said sweetly. She gave him a peck on the lips and went back to the truck. "I'm gonna start it up. Tell me how it sounds." She got in and turned the ignition. The engine roared to life.

"Sounds great!" Ren shouted over the noise of the truck.

***  
Later that night, Ren sat at the dinning room table, his school books in front of him, as he poured over some stupid history paper he needed to write.

"How's it coming along?" his mother asked as she sat down beside him.

Ren sighed. "I still don't know why I should give a shit about this." He leaned his head back, looking up at the ceiling in exhaustion. "How is knowing about abolitionists going to help me become an engineer?"

Leia chuckled. "They just want to make sure you're a well rounded and informed person."

Ren brought his head down and ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, well, it's bullshit." Ren's phone rang, but before he had a chance to grab it, his mother saw it.

"Who's Hux?" she asked curiously.

Ren quickly snatched his phone and dismissed the text. "It's nothing. I mean, no one."

Leia nodded, not believing him of course. "Uh-hu."

Ren sighed again. "Mom, I need to tell you and Dad something."

"All right," she said. "I'll get your father." She left the dinning room.

Ren closed his books and buried his face in his hands.  
'I don't want to tell them! Dad is just gonna be mean about it. And Mom, she'll fain happiness for my sake. I don't know which I'd prefer. Dad's anger or Mom's fakeness.'

Ren decided to look at Hux's text while he waited for his parents to return.

'Hey! Hope you had a great day. Been thinking about you all day. Wish you were here in bed with me now.'

Ren smiled at this. He texted him back. 'I'd love to be in bed next to you right now. What would you do if I were right there, right now?'

He turned his phone to silent and put it in his pocket as Han and Leia came into the dinning room.

"Hey' what's up kid?" Han said casually as he came in drinking a beer.

Ren took a deep breath to steady his nerves. "Mom, Dad, I wanted to tell you-"

"Mom!" Jacen said as he walked in. "I need you to sign my permission slip for the field trip."

"In a minute honey. Mommy's busy."

"But I don't want you to forget!" Jacen whined.

'I fucking HATE this kid!' Ren yelled inside his head. 

Leia signed the paper and Jacen took off.

"He couldn't have waited two fucking minutes?" Ren asked angrily.

"Watch your language kid," Han warned.

"Why? It seems like Jacen and Jaena can do whatever the Hell THEY want!"

"Ben honey-" Leia tried to soothe as she put her hand on Ren's arm.

He pulled away. "For the last fucking time Mom, it's Ren! I don't go by Ben any more. It's Ren!"

"You'll answer to whatever the Hell I tell you to answer to Hot Shot," Han said, rising to meet Ren's anger.

"No, I won't," Ren replied quietly, anger dripping from every word.

"Yes you will!" Han yelled. "You are MY son and this is MY home and you will go by the God Damn name your mother and I gave you! I don't give a shit about the hippie bull crap your uncle gave you about naming yourself! Your name is Ben!"

Ren was seething, holding back hot angry tears. "You can't control me Dad."

Han, still with anger, but softer replied, "You live in MY house, you will follow MY rules. One of those rules now is you go by the name your mother and I fucking gave you at birth. Do you understand?" Han was up in Ren's face. Ren didn't answer.

'I could fucking stab you right now! I would enjoy watching the blood drain from your face and pooling to the floor.'

Han grabbed the collar of Ren's shirt. "I SAID: Do. You. Understand?"

"I suppose the next thing you'll tell me is I can't date who I chose to date. Well guess what, I have a boyfriend now."

Han let go and stepped back. "What?"

"Is that what this is about?" Leia asked exasperated.

"Yes!" Ren yelled. "That's what I wanted to tell you! Before Jacen came in! I met someone and he's amazing and he makes me so happy."

Leia smiled. 'She can't fake a smile with me anymore. I can see right through them.'

"That's wonderful honey!"

Han stood there, not saying anything.

Ren started gathering his books. "I just thought you should know."

"Is that who Hux is?" Leia asked. "Tell us about him! When do we get to meet him?"

Ren stood up, books under his arm. "I really don't think Dad wants to."

"Of course he does!" Leia answered for him. She then gave Han a stern look. "Don't you?"

"Sure," Han said emotionless. "You should bring him over for dinner."

'What? Why? What game is he playing at?'

"Yes, that's a wonderful idea!" Leia exclaimed. "You should ask him to join us for dinner on Friday," she encouraged.

Ren looked from his mother to his father and then back to his mother again. 'There's no way this is happening! Is it? They have to be faking for my sake. I know Dad is at least.'

"Fine, I'll ask him when I see him tomorrow. Now, excuse me, I'm going to bed." Ren moved past his mother and stormed off to his room.

He threw himself on his bed and buried his face in his pillow. He curled up in the fetal position and pulled his pillow to his chest. 'I wish Hux were here. He could hold me and make all of this go away.'

That reminded Ren. He looked at his phone to see if Hux had replied. He had.

'I could think of several things I'd like to do ;)'

Ren texted back, 'tell me'

He wanted Hux to describe every little thing he'd like to do to him.

'First, I'd make you lie down on you back and I'd press my lips to yours. I'd gently lick your lips as I move my hand under your shirt to touch your chest.'

Ren closed his eyes and imagined Hux doing just that. He was getting hard thinking about it.

'What wood u do then?'

Ren waited for a response.

'I'd straddle you and pull your shirt off over your head. I'd kiss your mouth, your chin, your jaw. Slowly I would trail my way down to your nipples.'

'What am I doing?' Ren thought. 'I've never done this before. Sexting?' He laughed at himself. Then closed his eyes, imagining Hux getting hard too from describing his fantasy to Ren.

'Don't stop there. What else do u do with that mouth of yours?'

'No, I'll show you at a later time ;) good night!'

'What?!' Ren couldn't believe what he was reading! 'Is Hux seriously not going to sext with me?! What a fucking cock tease! I can't believe him! He...he...he wants to stay in control. That's seriously kind of hot.' Ren smiled. 'That's all right, two can play at this game.'


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux's POV Hux and Ren have their first argument, but it is quickly resolved. Rrn spends the night and they take a day-trip to Portland, Oregon.

Chapter 5

Hux went to the bakery the next morning. He didn't text Ren as that it was 3:30 in the morning, but he thought about him as he worked. He smiled as he thought about the lazy Sunday they'd spent together just days ago.

Ren scooped a small amount of batter out with his finger and stuck it in his mouth as Hux poured the batter into the muffin tins.

"Ren! That has raw egg in it, are you mad!" Hux shouted.

Ren laughed. "Oh come on Hux, it's not that big of a deal."

"Salmonella IS a big deal you idiot. I don't want you to get sick."

Ren just laughed and reached for the bowl again. Hux smacked his hands away. "I said stop," Hux said with irritation.

Ren wrapped his arms around Hux. "I think it's so cute how you want to take care of me. You want to make sure I'm healthy and well." Ren began kissing the back of Hux's neck. Hux closed his eyes and shived as Ren sucked on and bit his neck. It felt so good. DJ had never done that to him, so Hux had no idea he would enjoy it so much.

DJ had been a selfish lover in many ways. He never really cared about Hux getting off, only himself. If he was done, he was never willing to help Hux out.  
Hux grew irritated with himself. He didn't WANT to think about DJ. He was with Ren! And Ren was amazing. Now that Ren had lulled him into a false sense of security he reached for the bowl of batter again and scooped out another finger of it.

Hux realized and said, "Ren, I said that's enough!"  
Ren just laughed and dabbed it on Hux's nose.

"What in the Hell is wrong with you?!" Hux shouted teasingly. "Remove it, at once."

Ren smiled mischievously. "Okay." He leaned forward and licked it off of Hux's nose.

Hux batted him away. "You are disgusting."

Ren laughed. "And I'm all yours."

Hux let that play over and over in his head while he continued to set up the shop. 'I'm all yours.' It was sweet, but he feared Ren didn't know what he was really getting himself into. He enjoyed Ren's company, even craved it at this point, but he feared Ren may be too young and naive to understand the full ramifications of a relationship.

Hux needed Ren to stay Ren, not try to be what he thought Hux wanted.

Hux waited 'till about 6:30 before he texted Ren.  
'Good morning! I hope you had a good night's rest. I have your muffin and coffee ready for you. See you soon?'

Hux waited for a reply for some time. It wasn't until around 8:00 he finally heard from Ren.

'Overslept. Can't come in 2day. See u 2nite?'

Hux felt his heart sink. He was looking forward to seeing Ren that morning, since he had barely a chance to see him the day before.

'Do you have to work tonight?' Hux asked immediately after receiving Ren's text. Ren didn't respond for some time. Hux started to worry.

Ren finally answered two hours later with 'Nope'  
Hux was growing more irritated by the minute. What game was Ren playing at? Was he deliberately trying to antagonize Hux?

'I close at 7 tonight. Be over at 8?'

'K'

Hux took a deep breath. Ren's ridiculous texting was beginning to infuriate him. Hux reminded himself that Ren was still a child in many ways. His atrocious texting skills were just par for the course as they say.  
Hux buried himself in his days work, trying desperately to stop thinking about Ren.

***

Once Hux had returned home from work, he cleaned his flat. Not that there was much to clean really. He kept his place tidy. No piles of clothes anywhere. Dishes done as soon as they were finished being used. He liked to keep his home nice.

He sat on the sofa and read a book while he waited for Ren's arrival. Ren was going on being twenty minutes late. Even if traffic was the excuse, Hux was going to talk with Ren about being more prompt.  
Ren finally showed at 8:32.

Ren smiled when Hux opened the door. "Hey!" He leaned in to try to kiss Hux, but Hux turned away and headed back to the sofa.

"You're late," he said as he sat back down.

Ren's smile didn't falter. "Sorry Gingerbread. Traffic was insane-"

"Sure."

Ren closed the door behind him and sat next to Hux. "Oh come on Gingerbread, you're not mad at me, are you?"

Hux looked at Ren. "Why would I be upset with you?"

Ren leaned forward and kissed him. Ren seemed to be a fast learner, Hux thought. Ren was the one taking the lead right now. Hux didn't mind. He let Ren run his fingers through his hair. Ren pulled away and whispered, "You should let this grow out." He kissed him again and then said, "And not use so much product."

Hux shoved Ren away. "Fuck you."

"You ARE pissed at me!" Ren laughed. "Why? Tell me what I did babe." Ren tried to pull Hux to him.

Hux of course pulled away from his embrace. He really was upset. "Don't call me babe, I'd rather you call me Gingerbread than THAT."

Ren smiled. "Why are you upset?"

"You think it's funny to see me upset like this?"

Ren's smile faded. "No."

"You were late. I haven't seen you since yesterday morning and it was only briefly. Forgive me for wanting to spend time with my boyfriend."

Ren looked dejected. "I'm sorry Hux, I was just fooling around. After your teasing texts last night, I thought I'd-"

"Is that what this is about? God Ren, how selfish can you be? I couldn't indulge you and your hormones because I needed to get to sleep."

Ren looked down. "I'm sorry Hux."

Hux rolled his eyes. "Never mind, it's over and done with now. Are you hungry?"

Ren shrugged in reply. "I guess."

Hux felt guilty for making Ren sad like this. He took Ren's face in his hands and said, "Why don't I order pizza, and we can watch a movie, like we discussed."  
Ren nodded. "Sure."

They watched a superhero movie and ate pizza. Hux didn't really pay much attention to the film. It was one of his favorites, but he was concentrating on Ren. Hux held him as they watched the movie and he played with Ren's hair.

"Why do you keep your hair so long?" Hux asked.

Ren shrugged. "I like it."

Hux scoffed. "I refuse to believe that is your soul reason."

Ren was quiet for a moment. "Probably because my dad hates it."

"You don't get along with your father much, do you?"

"No, it's just...I don't know. It just felt like as I got older, I couldn't be what he wanted me to be."

Hux nodded. "I understand that feeling."

Ren's head was in Hux's lap. He turned himself so he could look up at him. "You don't really get along with your dad either?"

"I was never going to be what my dad wanted. He was a career military man. That world never held any interest to me. His career is actually what brought us to the states. After my mum died, he took a position out on the east coast."

Ren sat up. "I didn't know your mom had died. How old were you?"

"Nine, maybe ten. I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm so sorry," Ren offered, truly sympathetic. "How did it happen?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Hux hadn't discussed his mother's death with anyone. He'd been with DJ for nearly three years and he'd never even talked to him about his mother.

Hux sighed. "I'm sorry Ren, but my mother is something I don't want to discuss, ever."

Ren nodded. "Okay." Ren leaned back into Hux. He cleared his throat and said, "So, my parents want you to come over Friday for dinner."

"What for?"

Ren pulled away. "To meet you. Why else would they want you to come over?"

Hux sighed. "I'm sorry Ren. I've never done the whole 'meet the parents' thing. What if they don't like me?"  
Ren put a hand on Hux's cheek. "What's not to like?"

Hux smiled. "You are a sappy romantic, you know that?"

Ren shrugged with a smile. "Yeah, but you know you like it."

"Do I?"

Ren nodded. "Yep, and I know you like this too," he said as he leaned forward and kissed Hux. It was different having Ren on top of him. Not that they had done this much, but Hux was usually the one in control. He figured Ren just wanted to show off what he had learned. Ren moved away from Hux's lips and started sucking and biting his neck. Hux moaned in pleasure. He tipped his head back to expose his neck to Ren.

"Oh God Ren!"

Ren moved farther down to Hux's collar bone. He felt Ren reach between his legs. He grabbed at Ren's hair. And moaned again and bit his bottom lip to keep himself from moaning any louder. Ren grabbed at the hem of Hux's shirt. He was more than happy to help Ren pull it off of himself. Ren went back to work, sucking and licking Hux's neck and moving slowly down to his chest.

"Ren! Uh, God! You! Oh God!" Hux couldn't form a whole sentence. Had it really been so long since someone had touched him like this? Had WANTED him the way Ren did?

Ren started trailing his mouth down Hux's stomach and started to undo his belt.

Through heavy breaths Hux managed to say, "Ren. You, don't. Uh, have to. Do that."

He looked up at Hux, though Hux had his eyes closed in ecstasy. "But I want to. And I know you want me to."

Hux swallowed hard. He very much wanted him to. He could feel himself throbbing to have Ren do just that. Suddenly, somehow, Hux got control of his senses and he pushed Ren away and sat up. "No." He took a few steadying breaths. "You said you wanted to take things slowly."

"Maybe I changed my mind," Ren said seductively as he moved closer to Hux. Hux let him once again put his mouth on his neck and suck hard. Hux tried desperately to not moan out loud, but he knew it was in vain. "No!" he shouted as he shoved Ren away again. "I will not allow you to compromise yourself simply to please me."

"But-"

"No," Hux repeated. "End of discussion."

Ren looked down in an almost pouting way. "Okay."  
Hux smiled. Ren was really adorable when he looked sad, like a lost puppy dog you just wanted to scoop up and take home. Hux grabbed Ren's face in his hands forcing him to look at him. "We will. I promise. Good God I want to so badly-"

"Then-" Ren began to protest, but Hux cut him off.

"No! When the time is right. We're still getting to know each other Ren! And that's what I want, to know YOU."  
Ren sighed and nodded. "You're right. I don't have to like it, but you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm older," he teased.

Ren pushed Hux's shoulder. "Shut up," he said with a smile. "I should probably get going any way."

"Or you could stay," Hux offered. "If you wanted to. I'm not kicking you out."

Ren looked Hux in eyes and asked quietly, "Do you want me to?"

Hux nodded. "I do. I really do." Hux grabbed Ren's hand. "Why don't we finish this conversation in bed?"

Ren smiled. "I like the sound of that."

They stood up and Ren followed Hux to his room. Hux's heart was beating faster. This was the first time since DJ that he'd actually had a man in his bed. He wasn't even going to have sex with him, but he was so happy to have him there. Hux made Ren sit down on the edge of the bed. He then straddled his lap and put his arms around his neck. "I really like you Ren. And maybe you're right, I am a little scared of hurting you because you've never done this before. But I think I'm mostly scared of messing this up."

Ren ran a hand through Hux's hair. "I don't think you could."

Hux scoffed but smiled. "I've screwed up relationships terribly in the past."

"Well, that's because you didn't have the right guy," Ren replied.

Hux wanted to tease him that he thought he was pretty damn special, but he knew Ren meant it. He believed he was the right person for Hux. And Hux wanted so badly to be the right guy for Ren.

Hux smiled. "Maybe." He kissed Ren, not forcefully, but tenderly. He had a hand in Ren's hair and the other on his back. Hux was still bare chested and quivered when he felt Ren's rough hands on his back.

Hux pulled away and said, "We should probably go to sleep. You still have classes in the morning."

"Uh-huh," Ren agreed and then kissed Hux again. Who cared about sleep?! He had a gorgeous man in his bed. Was he insane!? He had to be for not having sex with him, but Hux knew it was the right decision. He pulled away and got off of Ren's lap.

"We really should get to sleep." Hux then stripped down to his boxer briefs. "You going to sleep in your clothes?"

"You just want to get me naked so you can have your way with me," Ren joked. He stood up and also undressed to just his under things. He had boxers and a black tank.

Hux laid down and offered his open arms to Ren. He crawled in next to him, laying his head on Hux's chest. Hux played with Ren's hair.

"I'll be honest," Hux said, "I'm nervous about meeting your parents."

"You shouldn't be," Ren assured him. Hux could tell he was already falling asleep. Apparently it didn't take Ren long to do so. Hux was a little jealous of that as it some times took him several hours to fall asleep. He watched Ren as he slept. He looked so much more innocent. Hux began to fear that he would take that away from Ren. He sighed, he knew there was no point in worrying about it. They'd both already become attached. He knew neither one of them could get out of this thing without lasting damage.

***

Hux woke the next morning and he was beyond pleased to see Ren next to him. He was happy to wake up next to him of course, but it also meant he wasn't making a mess of his kitchen with an ill placed desire to do something nice for Hux. He reached over and ran his fingers through Ren's hair. Ren rolled over to face him and smiled.

"Dia dhuit ar maidin!" Hux whispered.

Ren looked at Hux in disbelief. "What was that?"

"Gaelic, the Irish language," Hux answered.

"It's beautiful," Ren commented. "What did you say?"

Hux smiled. "I just said good morning." He stretched. "You sleep well?"

Ren nodded. "You?"

"Very," Hux answered. "What time is it?" Hux looked at his phone. "When do you have to get to class?"

"I forgot to set an alarm," Ren replied sheepishly. 

"Already slept through two of my classes."

"I'm sorry Ren, I-"

"It's not your fault," Ren quickly said. "Things happen."

"I know, but I feel somewhat responsible."

Ren shook his head. "Don't. It was MY stupid mistake." Ren sat up. "How about breakfast?"

Hux quickly sat up. "How about I make it?"

Ren laughed. "What, you don't trust me in your kitchen?"

Hux smiled. "No, I don't."

Ren grabbed a pillow and playfully hit Hux with it.

"Hey!" Hux protested as he semi tackled Ren and started tickling his sides.

Ren tried as hard as he could to shove him away, but he couldn't through his laughter and covering his sides to try and keep Hux from tickling them. "You win! You win! I'm sorry. Hahaha! You win!"

Hux stopped and pinned Ren's hands above his head. Hux smiled down at him. "That's right. And why do I win? Because I'm in charge?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah, you're in charge Hux. Tell me what you want and it's yours. Anything you ask of me."

"Kiss me," Hux whispered as he leaned down and pressed his lips to Ren's. Hux quickly ended the kiss, knowing he probably wouldn't be able to stop himself from doing more. "I'm going to take a shower...by myself mind you."

Ren laughed. "You're no fun at all, are you?" he teased.

Hux gave him another quick kiss and got up. "I won't take long. And you're more than welcome to use the shower after me," he called as he left the bedroom and went to the shower. Hux considered locking the bathroom door behind him. He feared Ren would try something stupid like walking in on him. And Hux knew he wouldn't be able to stop himself this time. He undressed and caught himself in the mirror. His neck was covered in bruises! No, worse, hickeys! He sighed, there was nothing that could be done about it now. He quickly showered and then got out. Ren was still lying in bed, but at least he was fully clothed. He was on his phone. He looked up when Hux came in. Hux started to feel very under dressed as he stood there with nothing more than a towel wrapped around his waist. Ren was staring.

"Stop that," Hux said as he made his way to his closet.

Ren laughed. "Stop what?"

"You're gawking at me and it makes me uncomfortable."

Ren stood up and went to Hux. "Oh sweetie," he said as he wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"What is with you and pet names?" Hux asked as he pushed Ren away.

"What? They're endearing," Ren answered.

"They're annoying."

Ren gave a fake pout. "You don't mean that, do you darlin'?"

Hux gave a short chortle. "Now you're just being deliberately obnoxious."

Ren sat back down on the bed. "So, I was thinking, if we don't have any plans today, why don't we go to Portland? It's a twenty minute drive and I'm sure we could find something to do."

Hux nodded as he dressed. He slipped a clean pair of boxer briefs on under the towel. "I enjoy Portland. I wouldn't mind. Have anything in particular you'd like to do out there?"

Ren shrugged. "There's a couple shops I like to go to every time I get a chance to go out there. But nothing other than that."

"Sure, sounds like fun," Hux said as he finished dressing. He made sure to wear a high collared shirt.

"Be cool if we stopped by my place so I could get a change of clothes?"

Hux smiled. "That wouldn't be a problem at all."

***

They pulled up to Ren's house. "Son of a bitch," Ren said with a groan.

"What?"

"My moms home. I was hoping everyone would be gone so I wouldn't get the third degree about last night." Ren sighed. "I'll be quick." He kissed Hux on the cheek. "Promise." He got out of the car and went inside. Hux sat in the passenger seat waiting patiently. He was excited to spend the entire day with Ren. And Portland was always a nice day trip. Living in Vancouver Washington meant they could easily go to Portland Oregon for a day trip. Hux was imagining the day they had set before them when Ren came back out. He'd changed his clothes, but he looked vaguely annoyed. He opened Hux's door. "Mom said she wants you to come in so she can meet you?"

"Oh, I thought I was meeting your parents on Friday."

"That's what I said! But she's insisting."

Hux got out of the car. "It's fine."

"No, it's not," Ren said with a pout. "I'm sorry." Ren wrapped his arms around himself.

Hux tried to grab Ren's hands, but he wouldn't uncross his arms, so he held him at his elbows. "We'll go in, I'll say hi and then we can go. All right? It's not that big of a deal."

"It IS a big deal Hux! I...I...this just isn't how I wanted to introduce you," Ren said disappointedly.

Hux shrugged. "Well, nothing can be done about it now, so let's go inside and get it over with and then we can get on with our day."

Ren sighed and nodded. He took Hux's hand and led him inside.

Leia was sitting on the couch. She smiled when they walked in.

Hux felt his heart pounding. He knew he'd put on a good face for Ren, but he was as un-okay with the situation as Ren was. He was being forced to meet his boyfriend's mom without warning. He had no time to mentally prepare himself for it. He could feel his anxiety trying to take control. He reminded himself to breath. If he could breath than he could get through it.  
"Mom, this is my boyfriend Hux. Hux, this is my mom, Leia."

"How do you do Mrs. Solo?" Hux asked formally.

"Leia is fine," she assured him. "It's nice to meet you. What are you boys up to today?"

"We're just gonna go to Portland for the day," Ren answered.

"That sounds nice. And Hux, when will you have my son home? I hope it will be at a decent hour unlike last night."

"Jesus Mom, I fell asleep on the couch watching a movie, I told you! It's not that big of a deal."

"You watch that tone of yours Benjamin Solo."

Hux was confused. 'Benjamin'? He thought his name was Ren.

Ren looked down, obviously angry. "Sorry," he whispered.

"Mrs. Solo, uh, Leia, I do apologize. We both fell asleep on the couch watching a movie. I'm sorry if it kept you up worried. I'll make sure he gets home at an acceptable hour tonight."

Leia looked impressed. "Well, he has manners. Ben, be home no later than ten tonight, please."

Ren nodded, still unhappy. "Okay."

"You boys have fun."

Ren grabbed Hux's hand and stormed out. He didn't say anything as they got back in the car and headed for the highway.

"Are you okay?" Hux finally ventured to ask.

"I'm fine," Ren answered, obviously still very upset.

"I thought your name was Ren-"

"It is!" Ren shouted. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I'm not mad at you." Ren sighed. "My GIVEN name is Benjamin. My CHOSEN name is Ren."

Hux felt even more confused. "Chosen name?" He asked.

"My uncle, my mom's brother, told me once that a name has so much weight and meaning that a person should chose their own when the time is right. I chose Ren almost five years ago, but my parents refuse to acknowledge it."

"Your uncle sounds like an interesting person," Hux stated.

Ren bit his lip. "I should be honest with you Hux, I actually wanted to go to Portland today so you could meet him."

"Oh."

"But we don't have to if you don't want to," Ren quickly offered. "I mean, I should have told you that from the get go. It's just...my Uncle Luke is kind of an interesting character. A bit of an acquired taste."

"How so?" Hux asked, very curious about this man.

"Well, he's kind of an old hippie," Ren stated.

Hux laughed. "It's Portland, most everyone is kind of a hippie."

Ren shook his head. "Not like my uncle. He's just really bizarre. I love him though. He's been like a second father to me since I was little."

"Well then, I can't wait to meet him."

"I mean it Hux, he can be very hard to like, I mean, he's a little eccentric to say the least."

Hux reached over and grabbed Ren's hand. "I'm sure it will be wonderful to meet him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for still being with us! Hope you're enjoying the journey! Comments and Kudos are always appreciated :D


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren introduces Hux to his eccentric uncle, Luke. Ren later has a confrontation with his parents concerning Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've made it so Hux is Irish on his mom's side, so he speaks Gaelic feom time to time. I will try to put the translations in the notes, unless I forget.  
> Oíche maith! : Good night  
> Cúramach : careful

Chapter 6

Ren found a parking spot with ease. He turned the car off and looked at Hux.

"Are you sure you really want to do this? I mean, Luke is-"

"I'm certain it will be just fine," Hux assured him.

Ren sighed. "I just really want you to like him. I think it would kill me if you didn't."

Hux gently put a hand on Ren's cheek and made him turn to look at him. He kissed Ren and then said, "I'm sure I will. Everything will be fine."

Ren nodded and got out of the car. 'I think he thinks I'm over-exaggerating. I wish that were true. I love Luke! But someone like Hux might not. Hux can be very no-nonsense and Luke can be, well, Luke!'

They walked up to the store front. "I thought we were going to your uncle's place?"

"This IS my uncle's place. He owns the store and he has an apartment above it," Ren told Hux.

They walked in. Ren immediately felt at peace there, with all of the sounds and colors. He looked over at Hux. 'He's taking everything in. This is a very different world for him. Just give him a moment to process it. It's a lot to take in.'

Ren grabbed Hux's hand and gave him an encouraging smile.

"This is a, uh, interesting place," Hux said.

Ren smiled a bit bigger. "Come on." He pulled him to the back of the store. Again, Paige was behind the counter.

"Hey," she said. She then noticed Hux. She sat up a little straighter and leaned forward a bit in an obvious attempt to show off her cleavage. "What can I do for you today?"

Ren held up the hand he was holding. "He's with me."

"Oh," Paige sat back down. "Luke's upstairs. He's got a yoga class going, but they should be done in like five to ten minutes." Paige went back to the computer.

"Cool. Thanks," Ren said as they ascended the stairs. He felt Hux grab his hand a little tighter.

'I'm nervous too. If he doesn't like Luke, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know if I could be with someone who didn't get along with Luke. But it's Hux and I REALLY like Hux. I'm not gonna worry about it. I'm just gonna see how things play out right now.'

As they entered Luke's apartment, there was a group of about ten people laying on yoga mats in positions Ren wouldn't even want to try to get himself in to.

"Your uncle teaches yoga?"

Ren shrugged. "Once a week. It helps alleviate stresser energies that build up periodically."

Hux looked at Ren with his brows furrowed. He wasn't angry, but perhaps annoyed.

'It's fine. It's fine. As soon as everyone leaves and he can actually meet Luke, everything will be okay. I hope.'  
Luke finally lead the group into the closing position. "Good job everyone! Thank you for coming. We'll see you all next week."

Everyone gathered their mats and chatted as they left. A few stopped to say hi to Ren on their way out, regulars whom Ren had known five years or more.

Luke strode up to Ren and Hux once everyone was gone. "Ren, it's always good to see you," Luke said as he embraced his nephew.

"You too," Ren replied.

He pulled away and looked at Hux. "You must be Hux."

"Yes," Hux said as he extended his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Luke gave a sly smile to Ren. "You should have warned him kiddo. I'm a hugger," he said as he wrapped Hux in a giant bear hug.

'He looks so uncomfortable. Should I step in? Say something?'

Luke pulled away and looked at Hux in concern. "You look pale kid. You all right?" He then put a hand on his forehead to see if he was too warm or something. "How about I get you something to drink." He turned away and headed to the kitchenette area. "What would you like? Water? Tea? Beer?"

Hux cleared his throat. "Um, tea would be wonderful."

"What about you kiddo?"

"I wouldn't mind a beer," Ren answered.

"As if your father doesn't hate me enough already. There's a pot of coffee over there." Luke went to work putting a kettle on the stove. Ren grabbed Hux's hand and led him over to the kitchen nook. There were a couple bar stools set up. Ren and Hux both sat down.

"So, tell me about yourself Hux," Luke said as he poured a cup of coffee for Ren and handed it to him.

"Well, um, I...I'm twenty-five, I own and run a bakery/cafe in town. I grew up in Britain, moved to the states with my father when I was about ten-"

"But not with your mother?" Luke questioned.

"My mother wasn't around at the time," Hux answered.

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Thank you," Hux said.

"So, tell me more about yourself."

"I don't know what else to tell," Hux admitted.

Luke nodded and closed his eyes. He opened them and looked at Hux. "You have a good energy about you. Your aura is...yellow, maybe even orange."

'I shouldn't find this so funny, but I do. Hux is so uncomfortable it's amusing.'

"Um, thank you?"

Luke shrugged. "It's just an observation." The kettle whistled. "Water's ready." He took a few bags of tea out and placed one in each mug. He then poured the hot water over it.

Ren whispered to Hux. "Luke makes his own organic tea. They're not half bad after about the fifth cup."  
Luke came back to the counter and handed a mug to Hux. "Like any sugar or milk?"

"Milk would be lovely actually. Thank you."

Luke laughed. "This kid is so polite I love it." Luke went to the fridge. "I hope goats milk will be all right?"

"Uh, that would be just fine." Luke came back over and handed the small pitcher to Hux.

"So, tell me what convinced you to open a bakery?"

"My best friend actually. I probably never would have done it without her support. I'd talked about it for years. I love spending time in the kitchen. I find it relaxing and peaceful. It just made sense to me."

Ren listened with a smile. 'He's so passionate about it. The way his eyes light up when he talks about it! He's just so cute. I could listen to him talk about that bakery for hours. It makes him so happy.'

"Not easy running a business though," Luke commented.

"Oh God no," Hux agreed as he took a sip of his tea. He had a strange look on his face as he tasted it. It wasn't disgust, but it wasn't enjoyment either.

"What do you think?" Luke asked.

Hux tempted another sip. "It's not bad really. Different, but..." he took another sip. "It's actually quite good."

"Hey, if the British guy likes it, it can't be all that bad," Luke joked.

The three of them talked for several hours. Ren and Hux even stayed for dinner. Finally the hour was getting late, so they decided to take off for the evening.

Luke gave them both a hug good bye, and though Hux was still blatantly uncomfortable with it, he seemed to mind a little less now that he'd actually spoken to and gotten to know Luke.

"So, I hope it was an okay day," Ren said as they drove home.

"I thought you were exaggerating when he were describing him. He really is a strange fellow isn't he? You don't buy into all that rubbish about energies and auras and things do you?"

Ren shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe a little bit. I mean, there's something that holds this world together right? I don't know what it is, maybe a God or something, or maybe just energy that connects it all." Ren shrugged again. "I don't know. A lot of what Luke has taught me makes sense, some of it doesn't, but if it gives him peace of mind, who am I to argue."

Hux nodded. "Fair enough." He looked out the window.

'I hope I didn't scare him off. God, I'm such an idiot! Not everyone is as accepting of Luke as you are Ren! You're such a moron! Damn it!'

"I really liked your uncle," Hux said nonchalantly.

"Yeah?"

'Don't be so surprised. Luke is awesome!'

Hux nodded as he looked back at Ren. "Absolutely, it took me a bit to let myself calm down from the initial introduction, but I found him quite pleasant."

'Yes! I don't care how he takes to anyone else in my life. He likes Luke and that's what really matters to me.'

"Well, I'm glad you had a good time."

When they finally arrived again at Hux's apartment, Ren parked, but he didn't turn the car off. "I guess I should say good night."

"I suppose, or you could come in for a night cap, if you'd like?"

Ren laughed with a smile. "Who talks like that?"

"I do," Hux answered. "Do you want to come in or not?"

Ren sighed. "I do, I just-"

Hux leaned in and kissed Ren, much like the first night they'd gone out.

'God, I love it when he does this! Maybe I should just have sex with him and get it over with. I mean, I don't want to just get it over with, I want to enjoy it. And I want it to be with Hux.'

Ren put a hand on the back of Hux's neck and the other on his thigh.

Hux pulled away and whispered, "Ren cúramach. I don't know if I could stop myself right now."

Ren smiled. "Who says I want you to stop yourself." He kissed Hux again, then pulled away and asked, "What does cúramach mean?"

"It means I think your hot," Hux teased as he kissed Ren again.

'Should we? We both want to! He's touching me again. Please stop. No don't stop. I don't know if I could say no right now.'

Ren tried to pull away. "I should go. You have to work in the morning don't you?"

Hux was nibbling on Ren's neck. "You're probably right. Fuck, I want you so badly. I can feel you wanting me too Ren."

'Yes I do! God, why is this so hard! Hahaha hard. I am so hard. I want him to reach down. Oh God, Hux, we shouldn't do this right now.'

Ren finally pulled away, breathing heavily. "Another time Gingerbread. You need to sleep."

Hux smiled. "Why do you have to be so responsible?"

Ren smiled in return. "One of us should be." Ren kissed Hux once more. "Have a good night."

"Oíche mhaith! "

Ren couldn't hold back his enormous smile. "I like it when you talk like that."

Hux smiled with a knowing look in his eyes. "Noted." He kissed Ren once more. "See you in the morning Ren." Hux got out of the car and went inside.

Ren watched him as he left. 'Am I stupid? Fuck! Why do I have to make it so difficult!?' Once Hux was inside he drove away.

It was a quarter to ten when he got home. He was hoping to avoid everyone as he came inside, but he wasn't that fortunate. Leia and Han were both sitting on the couch, almost as though they were waiting for him.

'Why do they feel a need to interrogate me?'

"Hey sweetie," Leia said happily. "How was your day out with Hux?"

"It was fine," Ren said as casually as he could. "I'm gonna shower and then head to bed, I'm really tired."

'And I want to take care of this massive boner.'

"Not so fast hot shot," Han said. "Sit down, we want to talk to you."

Ren sighed. He sat down in the easy chair across from them.

'I swear to God if this is another sex talk, I'm gonna start murdering people.'

"We just want to talk to you, to make sure you're being safe," Leia said.

"For fuck's sakes Mom, we've had this conversation before!"

"Do NOT talk to your mother that way!" Han raised his voice.

Ren was fuming. 'This is such bullshit! We just want you to be careful is what she's gonna say. I AM careful! We're not even fucking yet!'

"Ben, honey, we just want to make sure you're being careful," Leia said as Ren had predicted.

"We're not having sex Mom," Ren argued.

"How exactly does that work any way?" Han asked cruelly. "Oh right, you wouldn't know because you've never done it before. How do you even know if you're gay then!"

Ren felt hot angry tears pricking at his eyes, threatening to pour out.

"Han!" Leia said, upset Han would say that.

"What? He's never had a dick shoved up his ass, how does he know he'd even enjoy it?"

"You haven't either," Ren quickly said in anger. "How do you know you wouldn't?"

'Did I REALLY just say that?! What the hell is wrong with me?!'

Trying to diffuse the situation, Leia said, "Ben sweetheart, we just want you to be careful, please?"

"Fine Mom, I will. I'll wear a fucking condom, is that what you want to hear? I'll only put him in my mouth if he's wearing one. Okay?!"

"Ben, there's no no need to be so crass."

Ren sighed. "I'm sorry Mom. Can I go now. I want to take a shower and go to bed."

"Get," Han said angrily.

Ren stood up and walked out. He went to the bathroom and took a shower. He grabbed himself and thought about Hux.

'I'll kiss you all over. I'll lick you down your chest and all down your stomach. I'll be on my knees in front of you and wait for you to beg me to put you in my mouth. I won't even make you wear a stupid bit of latex over it. I want just you. All of you.'

Ren quivered as he finished. He let go a huge sigh. He made sure to clean the tub before he got out, removing all evidence of his self love.

He dried off and climbed into bed naked. He pulled his pillow to his chest. He closed his eyes and imagined it was Hux lying next to him. He drifted off to sleep with ease.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments keep me motivated! If you enjoy this, check out some of our other works! Thanks for being here!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has a panic attack. Hux has dinner at Ren's parents' house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gailic terms used. Póg mo thóin: kiss my ass. Maidin mhaith : good morning.

Chapter 7

Hux came in the next morning later than usual. Phasma was there setting up shop.

She smiled knowingly. "Have a late night?"

Hux mumbled under his breath, "Póg mo thóin."

"That's rude," Phasma replied.

"I'm exhausted and I haven't had my tea yet. It's probably best for both of us that you not speak to me until I have at least one if not two cups in my system." Hux went off to the back room. He found one of his secret stashes of tea he kept around for this very reason and began boiling water for it.

Phasma followed him. "Hux, Love, honestly. Something wrong?"

Hux sighed. "No, and yes." He planned to leave it at that.

"Not that it's any of my business, but have the two of you slept together yet?"

"You're right, it IS none of your business."

"Come on, Love, I'm worried about you. Talk to me. What's wrong?"

Hux was silent for a moment. "I'm just nervous about tomorrow."

Phasma looked at him in question. "What's tomorrow?"

"Ren's parents asked me to come over for dinner."

Phasma grew excited. "Really? That's awesome!"

"No it's not Phasma!" Hux yelled. He took a deep breath to try to calm himself as he sat down in a nearby chair. "I've never done this before. Meeting parents and all of this. I just..."

"Hux, Love, breath. Just breath," Phasma said as she knelt down in front of him. Phasma knew the signs. Hux was having a panic attack. "In through your nose, and out your mouth. Good, good. Everything will be okay. Keep breathing, Love. Just like that, Love. Good. Good. Keep breathing."

Hux finally had control of his breath. He looked Phasma in the eyes. "I just don't know if I can do it."

"Yes you can," Phasma encouraged. "And you want to know how I know? Because you want to do it for Ren."

Hux closed his eyes for a moment and let go of a deep breath. He looked at Phasma again. "I'll try. For Ren's sake."

Hux was grateful for Phasma. They'd been close since they were young teens. Hux had dealt with anxiety since long before he knew Phasma. She had learned how to help him cope with it though. He had taken medication for it for some time, but about a year ago decided he could handle it. He'd felt an attack coming on at Luke's the day before and now he'd had one in front of Phasma over the idea of meeting the rest of Ren's family. Hux took another deep breath. He could get through it. He knew he could.

***

Ren came in just before heading to school as was their routine now.

Phasma was at the front counter.

"Maidin mhaith!" Ren shouted at her.

Phasma looked up. "Oh no, not you too. That bastard of yours shouts at me with that nonsense whenever he gets a chance."

"What? You don't think it's beautiful?" Ren asked as he walked up and leaned against the counter.

"Well, I suppose if I had a sexy man in bed with me whispering sweet nothings in my ear in that language, I'd enjoy it as well. However, I have a bossy best friend who likes to curse at me under his breath because I can't understand what he's saying."

Ren laughed. "Maybe we should get you one of those boyfriends."

Phasma shook her head. "I don't think my girlfriend would like it if I did. Any way, Hux is in the back, I'm sure waiting for you with unabated breath."

Ren smiled. "You really know how to talk dirty to me," Ren teased with a wink as he came around the counter and headed for the back room.

Hux turned to look at Ren as he walked in. "Dia dhuit ar maidin," Ren said with a smile. He was obviously very proud of himself.

Hux smiled. "Good morning to you to." He wiped his hands on his apron and moved towards Ren. "How are you this morning?"

"Much better now that you're here." He pulled Hux to him and kissed him. "How's your day been."

"Just awful," Hux answered.

Concern coloured Ren's face. "Why?"

Hux leaned in closer and whispered, "Because you weren't here." He kissed Ren and slowly backed him up against the wall. He pulled away and whispered in Ren's ear, "I thought about you last night. As I was lying in bed." He kissed Ren's neck.

Ren shivered. "What did you think about me?"

"I thought about running my fingers through your hair," Hux did so as he described it. "And then pulling it." He pulled Ren's hair, making his head tilt back. "To remind you that I'm the one in charge."

Ren bit his lower lip. "You're in charge Hux," he whispered back.

Hux lightly nibbled on Ren's jaw. "As long as you remember that." He kissed Ren and pushed himself away. "I have your coffee and cupcake."

Ren looked confused. "I've never order a cupcake."  
"Well, today you did," Hux said as he handed it to Ren.

Ren smiled when he realized Hux had pipped a message on the top. 'To my BF'

"That's cute," Ren said.

"YOU'RE cute," Hux retorted. He gave him another kiss. "You should go, or you'll be late. Will I see you tonight?"

Ren sighed. "No, I've gotta work tonight. But, I'll pick you up tomorrow around 6 for dinner?"

Hux felt his insides screaming at him, but he just smiled and said, "Can't wait."

***

That night, Hux laid in bed reading, thinking about Ren. How nice it had been to have his warmth next to him as he slept. To wake in the morning to his beautiful smile.

His phone rang. It was a text from Ren. 'How's your nite babe?'

'I told you NOT to call me that. ANYTHING but THAT. Quiet. I miss you. How about you?'

'Busy. Finally got a chance 2 step away 4 a moment. Just wanted 2 c how u were :)'

Hux shook his head. He hated the way Ren texted, but he was glad to have him, bad texting and all.

'Well, I hope the rest of your night is okay.'

Ren replied, 'yours 2 Gingerbread! Ttyl <3'

Hux looked at the text over and over. He had no idea what ttyl meant.

He texted Phasma and asked her. She finally replied with, 'Rose said it means Talk To You Later. Or Titties you like :P'

Hux rolled his eyes with a smile.

'No, I don't care for tits, though I have grown fond of yours hahaha'

Phasma quickly texted back 'Rose said that's not funny, but she's wrong, it's hysterical!'

'Of course it is. You can tell her she's no fun and she doesn't have a funny bone in body.'

'Thanks Love, now she's pissed at me. Looks like I'm not getting any tonight.'

Hux laughed. 'Would it be a small comfort to know I'm not either?'

'No! I want you to get some dick and soon! I want to hear all about it!'

'Who says I would tell you anything about it?' Hux teasingly questioned. Who was he kidding? He knew he would tell Phasma every single detail.

Hux and Phasma texted like this until he fell asleep.

***

The next morning, Hux opened. Phasma would come in later that day to close so he could go to Ren's for dinner. He was nervous all day. He wanted to make a good impression. Ren's mother Leia seemed to have liked him well enough, but it was Ren's dad, Han, he was mostly worried about. Ren seemed to have a strained relationship with him and Hux didn't want to make it worse. So, he wanted desperately for him to like him.

Phasma came in that afternoon. "Ready for your big night?" she asked.

Hux closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He looked at Phasma and nodded. "I think so."

"You'll do fine, Love. I promise. And if you need an out for any reason at all, text me and I'll call with an 'emergency' okay?"

Hux smiled as he hung up his apron. He gave Phasma a peck on the cheek. "Your the best. See you tomorrow!'

Hux drove home to get ready for the evening. He showered and dressed. He didn't want to be casual, but he wasn't sure if dressy was the way to go either. He decided he'd be better off to be over dressed rather than underdressed. Hux chuckled to himself. He'd like to undress Ren. He put the thought out of his mind and dressed. He wore black slacks and a long sleeved light gray button up. He rolled the sleeved up nicely to his elbows. He considered a tie, but decided that would be too much. He checked his appearance in the mirror. He combed his hair down and grabbed his gel. He looked at the bottle contemplating. He didn't know if Ren was teasing about him using less product. Hux decided to not use it, that way Ren could run his fingers through his hair. He found he enjoyed that as well.

Hux looked in the mirror and took a deep breath. "Everything will be okay. It's just dinner with nice people. Ren adores you and there's no reason his family won't too." He took another deep breath. "Everything will be fine."

He heard the doorbell ring. He knew it was Ren. Hux answered the door with a smile.

"Hey," Ren said smiling as Hux opened the door. "You ready?"

Hux nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"It won't be bad." Ren grabbed Hux's hand. "I promise."

"As long as you're there, I'm sure everything will be fine," Hux replied. He locked the front door and then went to the car with Ren. Ren held his hand as they drove. He could tell Hux was nervous.

Ren parked the car in front of the house. He leaned over and kissed Hux on the cheek. "It'll be great. I promise." Hux smiled and nodded in agreement. They got out of the car and walked inside. Jaina and Jacen were sitting on the living room floor playing cards. They both stopped and looked up as Ren and Hux as they walked in.

"Who's that?" Jacen asked in a snotty tone.

"None of your business," Ren replied.

Jaina looked at Jacen. "Duh, he's Ren's new boyfriend. Mom said he was coming over for dinner."

Jacen scoffed. "What a fag."

Jaina hit his arm. "Don't use that word!"

"Well he is!" Jacen protested.

"No, you're just being mean."

Ren rolled his eyes. "Where's Mom?"

"She and Dad are in the kitchen," Jaina answered as she went back to their card game.

Ren was still holding Hux's hand as he pulled him through the living and to the kitchen. Han and Leia were cozying up to each other in front of the stove as Leia stirred something in a pot.

"Mom, Dad," Ren said as he walked in. They both turned to him. Leia with a smile, Han with a more stoic expression. "This is Hux."

Hux attempted a weak smile.

"You already met my mom, this is my dad, Han."

Hux extended his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."

Han took his hand. Hux couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to break his hand, he had such a strong grip. "Nice to meet you too kid."

"Dinner should be ready in about twenty minutes," Leia mentioned.

"Cool," Ren replied. "We'll be in my room." He grabbed Hux's hand again, almost like he didn't want him to get lost.

They went in to Ren's room and Ren closed the door behind him. "So, this is my room," he said, not knowing what else to say.

"I've shown you mine so you wanted to show me yours?" Hux teased.

"Shut up," Ren laughed as he gently pushed Hux.

Hux let himself fall on the bed, laughing. "You're just jealous because mine's bigger."

Ren laid down on his stomach next to him. "It is not."

Hux tucked Ren's hair behind his ear. "Oh poor Ren. He can't accept it that his boyfriend has bigger things than he does."

Ren kissed Hux. He wrapped a leg around him and grabbed his hand. He started to comb through Hux's hair with the fingers of his free hand. Hux put his other hand on the small of Ren's back.

Hux pulled away from Ren's lips. "We shouldn't be doing this here."

"Why not?" Ren asked as he started kissing Hux's neck.

Hux closed his eyes and let out a soft moan. "Ren. What if... Someone walks in?"

Ren was no longer playing with Hux's hair. He was now slowly unbuttoning Hux' shirt. Hux didn't care though. Ren was sucking on and licking his neck. "Oh God Ren!" Hux said in a trembling voice.

Once Hux's shirt was half way undone he reached down and grabbed him. "Ren! Don't. Do. That."

Ren whispered in Hux's ear. "But you like it. I know you do. You naughty, naughty boy you." He gently bit Hux's ear.

"What happened to me being in charge?" Hux questioned through heavy breaths.

"You're in MY house now. MY room. So, MY rules Gingerbread." He went back to Hux' neck.

"We should stop," Hux managed to say. "I don't want to go out to dinner like this."

"Maybe I should finish you off before we go," Ren suggested.

"Oh God yes!" Hux nearly shouted. "No, no Ren, we-"

"Shhhh, it's all right Hux. Let me take care of you."

Hux swallowed hard. "Oh God Ren, I want you to. But maybe we should wait until after dinner," Hux suggested as he tried to wriggle away. Ren pinned him down though.

"You want to make me happy, don't you Hux?"

Hux looked Ren in the eyes. He nodded. "Yes I do."  
Ren's face softened. He leaned in and kissed Hux. He held Hux's hands above his head. Hux squeezed Ren's hands. He wanted to hold them forever and never let them go.

"Hey," Han called from the now open door. Ren pulled himself off of Hux, completely taken by surprise. Neither of them heard Han walk in. Hux sat up immediately. "Dinner's ready."

"Jesus Dad, you want to try knocking?!"

"I don't know, hot shot, want to try not having sex with your boy toy just before dinner?" Han said as he walked away.

Hux was now bright red. He could feel his breaths coming in sharper. He knew this was another attack coming on from the absolute embarrassment. He closed his eyes and tried to take slow, even breaths.  
"Hux, I'm sorry."

Hux nodded. "I know." He opened his eyes and looked at Ren. "I told you someone might walk in."

Ren looked down, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry Hux, I didn't think-"

"Well you should try to more often. Think about the outcome of your actions before you let yourself be completely overtaken by your impulses," Hux said cruelly as he button up his shirt again.

Ren refused to look at Hux. He was clearly upset with himself.

Hux grabbed his face. "I'm sorry Ren. I'm just as at fault as you are. Let's go out and have dinner. And maybe if you behave, I'll give you dessert later," Hux teased.

This made Ren laugh. Hux was glad of it. He wasn't sure where Ren's head went when he started to get gloomy the way he did, but he was glad he could pull him out of it. Hux stood up and grabbed Ren's hand. "Come on." Ren stood up and lead Hux out to the dinning room.

Jacen and Jaina were sitting next to each other on one side of the table while Han and Leia were standing farther away quietly whispering. Han was obviously upset. Ren and Hux sat down across from the twins.

"You're in such trouble," Jacen said knowingly. "Dad said he caught you guys trying to F each other."

"Go to Hell," Ren said angrily.

"I already LIVE with YOU," Jacen retorted.

Jaina hit Jacen's arm. "Ow! What?"

Jaina just gave him a look. Her face softened as she looked at Hux. "I really like your hair."

"Um, thank you," Hux replied.

"It's no good flirting with him sis. He's a faggot just like Ben."

Before Ren could say anything in response, Han and Leia walked over.

"Let's have dinner," Leia said as she sat down at the end of the table with Ren on her right side and Jacen on her left. "I hope meatloaf is all right?" she said to Hux.

"I'm sure it will be wonderful Mrs. Solo, I mean, um Leia."

Han still hadn't sat down. He went to the fridge and took out a beer. "You drink?"

"Occasionally, sir," Hux answered.

"Would you like one?"

He looked at Ren, but his expression gave no feedback. "Yes, please."

Han took another out of the fridge and opened both bottles. He handed one to Hux as he sat down at the other end. Hux to his left and Jaina at his right.

"Thank you," Hux said politely.

"Well, let's say Grace," Leia offered.

Ren rolled his eyes. Obviously this was a family tradition he cared nothing for. "Who would like to offer it? Ben?"

"No," Ren said quickly.

"I'll say it!" Jaina said quickly. Everyone started to grab the hand of the person next to them. Hux had never done this before. His father, Brendol was a logical man. The belief that there was something more than what was in front of us was, to his dad, a stupid waste of time.

Hux took Ren's hand, and very cautiously took Han's.  
Everyone closed their eyes and bowed their heads. Ren even bowed his head at least.

Jaina cleared her throat. "Thank you Lord for this food we have been given and for Mom preparing it. And we are grateful to be able to share this meal with Ren's new boyfriend and we ask that you bless him and us. Thank you. Amen."

Everyone echoed the Amen and released hands. Hux even heard Ren mumble it under his breath.

"So, Hux?" Han said. "Is that your real name or a made up one like Ben's?"

Hux could feel the anger coming off of Ren like a heat wave.

"It's my last name sir. My dad served in the military. I've always gone by my last name."

"What's your first name?" Jaina asked with real curiosity.

Hux leaned forward a little with a sly smile. "It's a secret," he answered and gave her a wink.

Hux watched what everyone else was doing. Having a family dinner was a foreign concept to him as it had always been just him and his parents and later on just him and his father. Everyone took a bowl of which ever food, served their own plate and passed it to the person on their left. Hux did so as well when Han passed a bowl to him.

"So, what do you do?" Han asked Hux.

"I own a bakery and cafe here in town," he answered.

"Really?!" Jaina said with excitement. "Which one? What's it called?"

Hux cleared his throat in embarrassment. "We actually don't have a real name for it. It's just called The Bakery and Cafe Shoppe at the moment."

Ren looked at him in bewilderment. "How have I never noticed that? We are gonna fix that ASAP."

"It's all right Ren-"

"No, no, no, you need something catchy like, um Hux's Cakes."

"It's Phama's place too Ren," Hux gently reminded.

"I'm sure she won't mind."

"Is Phasma your partner?" Han asked.

"No, Ben is," Jacen tried to joke as he covered it up by taking a sip of his milk.

Jaina hit Jacen's arm yet again.

"Jaina, we don't hit," Leia gently reminded her.

"He was being rude," Jaina protested.

"That doesn't give you a right to hit him."

Jacen stuck his tongue out at his sister.

"And Jacen Solo, you will keep that tongue in your mouth," Leia scolded.

Hux smiled at this exchange. He didn't have any siblings, so watching the twins interact with each other was fascinating and amusing beyond words.

"Um, yes, Phasma is my business partner. We've been friends for quite some time."

"Like Ren and Rey?" Jaina asked.

Hux looked at Ren. "Who's Rey?"

"Rey grew up next door," Leia said. "She and Ben have been friends since they were little."

Ren took Hux's hand. "I'll introduce you to her soon. I promise."

"Could you not with the gay lovey-dovey crap?" Jacen said snidely. "I think I'm gonna vomit."

Ren just glowered at him in response.

"Jacen, be nice to your brother," Han ordered casually. It was obvious he didn't disagree with Jacen's observation though.

"So, Hux, tell us more about your bakery," Leia encouraged. "I enjoy the kitchen, but I don't know if I could actually open a bakery."

"Hux is amazing in the kitchen," Ren said as he squeezed Hux's hand. "He doesn't just bake either. He can cook! And it's amazing!"

Hux could feel himself turing red.

"Glad to know where I rate," Leia joked.

"Not that your cooking isn't great, Mom," Ren said. "But Hux is just awesome! He bakes and cooks, I mean, he is just amazing with his hands!"

Hux nearly choked on his beer.

"Wow, I'm eleven and even I know how dirty that sounds," Jacen said from behind his glass.

"What?" Ren said. He thought for a moment and it finally clicked to him exactly what he said. "That's not what I meant!" Ren insisted.

Han just drank his beer and said nothing.

The rest of the meal consisted of Leia asking Hux questions to get to know him while Han tried not to say anything he might regret.

"May I be excused?" Jacen asked. "I'm done."

"Take your dishes to the sink," Leia answered.

Jacen took his stuff to the sink and left.

"Well, I should get this cleaned up," Leia said as she stood up.

Hux stood up as well. "Allow me to help?"

"No, no, you're a guest. Han and I will take care of it. Jaina, will take your dishes to the sink please."

"Sure," Jaina said as she gathered her settings and everyone else's.

"Thank you," Hux said kindly when Jaina took his dishes.

She smiled shyly. "You're welcome."

"Thanks for dinner, Mom," Ren said as he stood up and kissed Leia on the cheek.

"You're very welcome."

Ren grabbed Hux's hand for what seemed like the hundredth time that night and lead him back to his room. He closed the door and locked it behind him as Hux sat down on the bed.

"Really Ren, you think you're getting anything from me?"

Ren leaned down and kissed Hux deeply. Hux grabbed Ren's hair. Ren forced him to lay down as he crawled on top of him straddling his lap. Ren started to unbutton Hux's shirt again. Hux let go of Ren's hair and began helping him, Ren starting from the top, Hux starting at the bottom. When their hands met in the middle, they grabbed each others' hands. Ren moved them above Hux's head and held them there. He started rubbing himself against Hux's leg. Hux tried not to moan our loud. "Ren," he said as he pulled away from his lips. Ren took this as a cue to start sucking on Hux's neck. "Ren, your parents are going to hear us."

"Let them," Ren whispered back. Hux tried to put it out of his mind and just enjoy Ren's weight on top of him. But his mind kept wandering and all he could think about was Han and Leia and the twins being in the house.

"Ren, stop. I can't do this right now."

Ren stopped moving. He looked at Hux in confusion. "Why not?" Before Hux could answer, Ren went on. "Do you not like me? I mean, have you decided I'm not what you want or something?"

"What?! Ren, don't be crazy-"

"How crazy an assumption can that be?" Ren asked as he moved off of Hux. "You were fine making out with me before dinner, but now all of a sudden, you 'just can't'? Why?" Ren was trying not to yell.

Hux sat up. "Ren, it's not you-"

"It's not you, it's me? Is that what you were going to say. I should have figured. You're far too amazing for this ever to have been real."

"Ren, stop," Hux demanded as he moved towards Ren. He took his face in his hands. "Look at me Ren." Ren begrudgingly complied. "I LIKE you. All right, you'd have to be an idiot to think otherwise. Look Ren, I WANT to do this and I want to do it with YOU, but I can't do it here, now. Your father already walked in on us snogging-"

"I locked the door this time!" Ren protested.

"Shhhh, I know. But, now all I can think about is how your parents or even your brother and sister could hear us if they wanted to. And I'm not one to try to make myself quiet when I fuck."

Ren sighed and looked away. "Fine."

"Don't pout," Hux teased.

"I'm not pouting," Ren lied.

Hux kissed him gently. "Thank you for tonight. It really HAS been lovely. It was really nice to meet your family."

Ren scoffed. "Some how I doubt that."

"Your mother is sweet. And your sister is just adorable."

"But my dad's an ass and Jacen is twice the ass he is in half the body size."

Hux laughed. "Yeah, he seems like a little shit." Ren smiled. "If you still want to do this Ren, you can come over to my place. And I promise, I'll take good care of you."

"Maybe," Ren answered.

"Come on," Hux said as he stood up and began buttoning his shirt.

Ren ran his fingers through Hux's hair. "You didn't put anything in your hair."

"You disappointed? I thought you wanted me to use less product in it."

Ren kissed him. "I like it this way."

Hux smiled and kissed Ren again. Ren took Hux's hand, unlocked the door and headed out to the living room. Han and Leia were sitting on the couch, talking in low voices. They looked up when Ren and Hux walked in.  
"Hey kiddo," Han said as he stood up. "I'd like to talk to you outside for a minute."

Ren sighed. "Can it wait? I was gonna take Hux home."

"It won't take a minute," Han said as he went out on the front porch.

Ren sighed in frustration. "I'll be back." He kissed Hux on the cheek and stepped outside with his dad.  
Hux bit his lip in concern.

"It'll be all right," Leia assured him. "I told him to be nice."

"No offence Mrs. I mean, Leia, but I'm not sure that inspires much confidence in me."

Leia smiled. "I understand. Han can be, a difficult man to deal with. He's stubborn and bullheaded. His son takes after him."

Hux laughed slightly. "That is definitely one way to describe Ren."

"How did you like meeting Luke the other day?"

Hux thought on this. "He was, different. But easy enough to get along with."

Leia laughed. "That's definitely one way to describe my brother," Leia echoes Hux's words.

Hux found he liked Ren's mother. She was easy to get along with and obviously cared deeply about her son.

"Do you like wine? I was about to grab myself a glass. Would you like one?"

"Oh, uh, yes, please." Hux followed Leia into the kitchen.

"Han wanted to have a talk with both of you about your behavior before dinner," Leia said as she poured a glass for Hux and one for herself. "I convinced him to just talk to Ben."

"And then you would talk with me?"

Leia smiled. "Yes." She took a sip from her glass. "Look, Hux, you and Ben are both adults-"

"I'm sorry for our behavior. It won't happen again."

Leia shook her head. "Let me finish. You and Ben are both adults. You can do what you want. But please, be good to my son."

Hux looked Leia straight in the eyes. "I would never do anything to hurt Ren. I swear. He already means so much to me."

Leia nodded. "I believe you. But you have to understand, Ben has never been in a relationship before."

Hux looked down at his glass. "I know. He told me just as much. I think it's part of why I've tried to be so careful with him. I don't want to hurt him."

Leia smiled. "You seem like a good man Hux. Just remember, Ben is my baby, no matter how old he is." Leia laughed. "I should show you some of his photos from when he was a kid."

Leia took Hux back into the living room and brought out a small box of photos. They sat on the sofa and went through them together.

Soon after, Ren and Han came back inside.  
"This one," Leia laughed. "He'd spent the day with Luke. How old were you Ben?" she asked as she showed it to Ben.

"I can't believe you still HAVE that!" Ren said embarrassed. "You should get rid of it."

"Why?" Hux said as he looked at it. "You're so darling with flowers in your hair like this. You should do it more often." Hux sipped from his wine glass.

"Well, if you like it so much, maybe you can grow yours out and I'll put them in YOUR hair," Ren replied, still a little annoyed.

"Oh come now Ren, there's no need to be so upset about it. It truly IS a charming photo of you."

"I should get you home Hux," Ren said, changing the subject.

Hux drank the last of his wine. "Of course." He set his glass on the coffee table. "Leia, I had a lovely evening. Thank you." He turned to Han and extended his hand. "Thank you sir for inviting me over for dinner."

Han accepted his handshake, this time his grip wasn't nearly has menacing. "Have a good night kid."

Ren and Hux left. Ren didn't say anything as they drove back to Hux's flat.

"Is everything all right, Ren?" Hux asked as they parked in front of his place.

Ren sighed. "Yeah, everything's okay."

Hux grabbed his hand. "You're sure?"

"Hux, are you sure you really want me?" Ren now turned to look at Hux. "I'm just a kid-"

"Ren, if you question me one more time about my certainty to be with you, I just might have to drop kick you. This is the last time I will say it, so you better listen and pay attention. I LIKE you. All of you. Your innocence and inexperience included. Your brown eyes and your awkward smile." He brushed Ren's hair behind his ear.

Ren pulled away and turned his head to make his hair fall back to where it was. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?" Hux asked confused.

"Tuck my hair behind my ear. I don't like it."

Hux laughed. "Really?" He realised that Ren was NOT amused. "Why?"

"I just don't like it, okay?" Ren answered a twinge of anger in his voice.

"All right, I won't do it any more."

Ren sighed. "I really hate my ears, okay? That's the other reason I keep my hair so long." Ren had his arms crossed now. Hux realised Ren did this almost as a physical shield. When he was upset, he would cross his arms as if he were protecting himself.

Hux grabbed his hands and made him uncross his arms. "Okay, I won't do it any more. But you don't have to hide from me Ren. I think you're beautiful." Ren looked away. He looked anywhere except Hux's eyes. "Look at me Ren," Hux demanded. Ren did as he was told. "You are so ridiculously handsome." Ren scoffed and moved his eyes away from Hux's. "I mean it," Hux said, moving so Ren was once again facing him. He still refused to meet his gaze. Hux grabbed his chin and waited until he met Hux's eyes. "Ren, I find you so attractive. Your smile, your voice, EVERYTHING! You are so beautiful. I don't want you to ever think otherwise."

Ren just nodded. "Okay."

Hux kissed him gently. "I should go. See you tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"Why don't you come over after I close then? It'll be late, but I can still make dinner or something?" Hux offered.

Ren nodded. "Okay."

Hux kissed him again. "See you tomorrow then."

Ren smiled. "Night Gingerbread!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love hearing your thoughts and opinions! So, my so and comment away! And check out some of our other works while you're here ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren talks with Rey to tell her how dinner went. Ren has an intense conversation with Leia about his relationship with Hux. Ren and Hux decide to take the next step in their relationship.

Chapter 8

As Ren drove home, he replayed the conversation he'd had with his dad over in his head.

"Your mother and I are very disappointed in you," Han said as they stepped outside.

Ren crossed his arms. "Why? Because you walked in on me kissing my boyfriend?"

Han took a deep breath in an obvious attempt to keep his temper down. "Ben, your mother and I love you." Ren scoffed and looked away, refusing to look his father in the eyes. "We're concerned that you've started dating him more out of wanting to be in a relationship than out of wanting to be with HIM."

"You don't know him!" Ren nearly yelled as he finally looked at his father, dropping his arms to his side.

"And YOU do? Ben-"

"And stop calling me that! How hard is that for you to understand? I WANT to be called Ren. Please respect that!"

"You want respect hot shot?" Han said as he took a step closer.

Ren instinctively took a step back. 'I' m not scared of him. He's never hit me before, he wouldn't,' Ren reassured himself. But Ren still coward and it bothered him.

"You want me to respect you, then be a man."

"Oh, like you? Getting my girlfriend knocked up when she was barely an adult herself and settling with an unhappy life and an unhappy marriage because marrying her was the 'right thing' to do? At least I can't get MY significant other pregnant," Ren taunted.

He could see Han seething. "You're crossing a line kid!" Han said, trying his damnedest to control his temper.

"I can't be you," Ren whispered, crossing his arms and looking down again. "I'm sorry. I know I disappoint you, but I can't be what you want me to be."

Han stepped closer and put his hands on Ren's shoulders. "Look kiddo. You're right, you're nothing like I'd hoped you would be. But you're still my son. What I want more than anything is for you to be safe and happy." Han sighed. "I just worry about you kid. And this Hux guy, no, I don't know him, but I know his type. Hell, I used to BE his type. Older and more experienced. You're right, I was a jackass and sought after your mom because she WAS young and she wouldn't be able to see through me. I don't want you to be used like that."

"Hux would never do that," Ren defended quietly.

'But I DON'T know that. He's right, Hux and I barely know each other. I'm so stupid! Hux doesn't care about me. I'm just a kid to fool around with because he's lonely.  
'Why are you thinking this way?! God Ren, pull yourself together! Don't let Dad get into your head like that!'

"I know you believe that kiddo. I just want you to be careful. All right? Oh, and whenever you do...you know, use protection please, even if you can't get him pregnant."

Ren sighed. "Sex Dad, you can say it. Yes, when I have sex with Hux, I'll use a condom. How stupid do you think I am?"

'Probably very. Dad will never be happy for me. My life will always be a disappointment to him. I'LL always be a disappointment to him.'

Han put a hand on the back of Ren's head like he did when he was a child. "I don't think you're stupid kiddo."

Ren moved his head away from Han's touch. "Okay."

"Let's go back inside."

Ren got home and parked the car. He sat there a moment in the quiet with his thoughts. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

'Clear your mind Ren. Just like Luke taught you. Accept the good energy around you. Breathe it. Feel it. Be at peace with the world around you.'

"Hey!" someone said as they knocked on his window.

Ren opened his eyes with a start, but smiled when he saw Rey. He got out of the car. "Hey," he said in return.

"So, how was the dinner?"

Ren let out a deep breath and shook his head. "It was all right."

"That good huh?" Rey said with a smile. "I saw you and Han arguing earlier, but it wasn't any of my business." She put a hand on Ren's arm. "Are you okay?"

Ren shrugged. "Kind of."

"Want to come in and talk about it?"

Ren nodded. "Sure. Poe and Finn home?"

"Poe should be home soon. He had a race tonight. Finn is home though," Rey answered as they walked into her house that was right next door.

Ren smiled as he walked into the all too familiar front room. 'We used to play card games on this floor the way Jaina and Jacen do on ours.'

Finn walked into the living room as Ren closed the front door behind him.

"Oh hey Ren. How's it going?"

"Not bad. You?"

Finn nodded. "Same."

"You guys want to share a bowl?" Rey asked as she left the room to grabbed her stash of weed.

"You know I'm always down for that," Ren answered.

"I probably shouldn't," Finn said. "Heard rumor they're planning on doing a random drug test at work pretty soon."

"Sucks to be you," Rey teased. "More for me." She then went to Finn and kissed him passionately.

'I swear she does this in front of me on purpose. I mean, it's Finn, so whatever. But, God it pisses me off when she does it with Poe in front of me. I had the biggest hard on for him since the first day he walked into our auto shop. Rey was lucky she talked to him first. Otherwise I'd have jumped his bones a long time ago.'

Poe walked in through the front door just then. "Whoa," he said when he saw Rey and Finn. They pulled away. "Hey, don't stop on my account. Hey Ren," he said as he kissed him on the cheek.

Rey giggled.

'He does that on purpose,' Ren thought as he tried to readjust himself without anyone's notice. 'He knows I've been crushing on him since I met him. He gets a kick out of riling me up.'

"We were about to share a bowl," Rey said. "Want to join?" She asked as she sat on the couch and started packing it. "How was your race?"

"It was so fucking sweet!" Poe answered as he stripped off his jacket and tossed it on the back of the couch. "Took second." He sat in the middle next to Rey. He patted the seat next to him as he looked at Ren, "Why don't you have a seat Renny?"

Ren was afraid to move. 'I move, he's gonna see how hard I'm getting just being around him. Damn it! Why does he have to be so hot!'

"No, I'm okay," Ren finally replied.

"Oh no you don't," Poe said as he stood up and grabbed Ren's hand. "You're gonna sit down with us." He made Ren sit on the floor in front of him. "So tell us about this new boyfriend of yours?" Poe said as he started playing with Ren's hair. "Rey says she hasn't even met him yet."

'I should tell him to stop. I'm so uncomfortable with his touching me like this! Especially now that Hux is in the picture. But God it feels so nice!'

"No, not yet," Rey said as she lit the bowl and inhaled deeply. "When DO I get to meet him?" She passed the pipe to Ren.

Ren shrugged. "I don't know. He works strange hours. I have a hard time getting to see him sometimes." Ren inhaled and passed it to Poe. He let go of Ren's hair to take his hit. He then blew the smoke in Rey's face and handed the pipe back to her.

"I'm heading to bed," Finn mentioned. "Good to see you Ren."

"You too Finn," he called back as Finn left the room.

"So, tell us about him!" Poe demanded. "I want to hear all about him." He started braiding Ren's hair.  
Ren laughed a little, already feeling the effects of the weed. "He's an adorable ginger from England who runs a coffee shop, bakery thing."

"Carpet match the drapes?" Poe asked.

Rey hit him, but laughed. "Poe, you can't ask something like that!" She handed the pipe to Ren now.

"What?! I'm just curious."

Ren inhaled and tipped his head back to blow the smoke out at Poe. "I wouldn't tell you even if I knew." He handed the pipe to Poe.

"You don't know?" Poe asked in disbelief. "You haven't fucked him yet?! Hurry it up kid, or you're gonna die a virgin!"

Ren laughed at this. Normally talking about his not having lost his virginity pissed him off, but he was feeling lighter already.

"Well, I'll be taking care of that pretty soon," Ren assured him. "Would have taken care of it tonight if my dad hadn't walked in."

Rey burst into laughter as she exhaled her latest hit. "Han walked in on you trying to fuck? Why didn't you lock the door?"

"I have a tendency not to think straight with Hux around," Ren admitted, accepting the pipe from Rey. 

"He has this power over me that makes me stupid or something." Ren giggled and inhaled on the pipe. He handed it to Poe as he exhaled.

"You're already stupid enough," Poe replied. "You don't need this guy's help."

Ren started laughing so hard he was having a hard time breathing. "YOU'RE stupid," he said through a giggle.

The three of them smoked for the next few hours. By the time it was 2am, Poe had French braided Ren's hair, Rey had stripped down to her bra and panties, and Ren had attempted to bake a cake.

"I should go home," Ren said as licked the crumbs of cake off his plate.

Rey was curled up on the couch, half asleep. "Probably," she mumbled.

Poe was sitting on the floor next to Ren, eating his third slice of chocolate cake. "You can just sleep with Rey on the couch."

Ren giggled slightly. "You just said I can sleep with Rey."

Poe pushed him jokingly. "Hey, she sleeps with me as well as Finn. What would another one mean?"

"Do you guys ever, like all three of you?" Ren asked curiously.

Poe shrugged. "Not typically. We've indulged Rey a time or two for her birthday or something, but not usually. We mostly keep things separate. Why? You want to join us?" Poe joked.

Ren laughed. "No, just curious. I'm fine with just having one man."

"Man, I am so EXCITED for you! Your first time! Remember to use lots of lube."

Ren laughed again. "Okay, thanks for the advice." Ren stood up. "I really should head home."

"All right. Have a good night Renny!" Poe called as Ren left. He carefully walked across the yard to his own front yard. He unlocked the front door and walked in quietly.

"Where have you been?" Leia demanded to know as he shut the door behind himself.

"Jesus Mom!" Ren nearly shouted. He started giggling again. "You almost scared me to death."

"This isn't funny Benjamin Solo. Where have you been?"

"I was at Rey's," Ren answered.

"You should have texted me. I've been worried sick!"  
Ren smiled. "Well, I'm home now."

"Are you high?!"

Ren put his hands over his mouth as though he were surprised and his giggling continued. "Maybe."

Leia sighed. "Ben, if your father ever sees you like this, he would kill you."

"Then I guess I should make sure he never sees me like this," Ren joked. "Night mommy!" he said as he kissed his mother's cheek and went to his room.

Ren crawled into bed and passed out.

***

The next morning, Ren woke to his door creaking open.  
"Ren? Are you awake?" Jaina asked cautiously.

Ren groaned. "Jaina? What do you want?" Ren sat up.  
Jaina remained at the door. "Mom asked me to check on you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Ren answered as he tried to run his fingers through his hair. The braid Poe did, made this impossible to do so. Ren started to undo it. "You want something else? Get the fuck out."

Jaina remained at the door. "I'm sorry about Jacen," she finally said. "Hux seems really nice."

Ren didn't know how to respond to that. Jaina never talked to him unless she had to.

"He is," Ren finally decided to answer.

"Mom will probably be in to talk to you in a bit," Jaina warned. She closed the door again as she left.

Ren sighed. He pulled the covers off of himself and got out of bed.

'I should shower. I reek of weed.' He pulled his shirt off and opened his door. His mother stood there ready to knock.

"Hey Mom," he said as he rubbed his eyes.

"I wanted to talk to you about last night," she said.

'And I wanted to shower.'

"What about last night?" Ren asked, already getting defensive as he crossed his arms.

"I assumed you'd be home right after dropping off Hux."

"Guess you assumed wrong," Ren replied with a snide tone.

"Don't you take that tone with me," Leia said, feeling her frustration rise.

"I'm sorry Mom. I came straight home, but then Rey came by and asked me over for a bit. I didn't think about telling you. I'm sorry I made you worry."

Leia sighed. "Ben honey, I'm your mother, I ALWAYS worry about you. But I would appreciate it if you would help me to worry a little less by letting me know where you are."

Ren nodded. "Okay. Sorry Mom."

"Now, go take a shower. If your father catches you smelling like marijuana he's gonna flip his lid."

Ren smiled. "Okay"

Leia walked away as Ren headed to the bathroom. He stood under the steady stream of water with eyes closed. He was trying to wake up. He washed up and got out. He went to his room and dried and dressed.  
Ren decided to just lounge in his room until it was time to see Hux later that night.

****

Ren went to Hux's apartment as soon as he could. He actually arrived there before Hux did. He waited by the front door.

"Ren? How long have you been here?"

Ren stood up. "I didn't want to be late, so..."

"So, you decided to wait outside my flat's door all day?"

Ren crossed his arms. "No, I've only been here about fifteen minutes or so."

'He doesn't need to know it's closer to forty-five.'

"Maybe I should just get you a key," Hux commented as he moved pass Ren to unlock the door.

'I wouldn't mind that,' Ren thought.

They walked inside. "Are you hungry. I could make something-"

Ren turned and pushed Hux against the door and kissed him.

'THIS is what I want. Hux!'

Hux wrapped his arms around Ren's waist and kissed him back.

Ren started to lift Hux's shirt, but Hux pushed him away. "Why don't we go to my room," he suggested through heavy breaths.

Ren nodded. Hux grabbed his hand and led the way, even though Ren knew where it was already. Hux kissed him and pushed him down on the bed. 'This is it! We're going to really do it this time.'

Hux pulled his shirt off and leaned down to kiss Ren, forcing him to lay down. Hux ran his left hand through Ren's hair and with his right hand, grasped Ren's left hand. Ren put his right hand on the small of Hux's back.

'I can't get enough of him. Damn it Hux, let's just do it!'  
As though Hux could read his mind, he started kissing Ren's cheek, then his jaw, and his neck. Hux grabbed the hem of Ren's shirt and started pulling it up. Ren wriggled out of it and his under tank. Hux looked Ren in the eyes.

"Do you really want to do this?"

"Hell yes!" Ren answered as he lifted his head to kiss Hux again. Hux followed his lips back down as he laid his head down again.

Hux started trailing kisses down Ren's body. Ren was breathing heavily.

Once Hux had reached Ren's stomach, he started to undo his belt.

'I can't believe we're going to do this! Oh God! I love you. Don't say that Ren! You'll scare him off and the moment will be gone. Just breath.'

Hux undid Ren's pants and pulled them down, Ren lifted his ass to help. Hux pulled them off along with his shoes and his socks. Ren was now in nothing but his boxers.

"You're still sure?" Hux asked.

"Hux, if you keep asking, I'm gonna start thinking YOU don't want to," Ren answered.

Hux reassured him by removing the last of Ren's coverings.

Ren let out a moan of pleasure as Hux began taking care of things.

'Oh my God! He's amazing! I...I...I can't breath! Oh, it's so good.'

Ren finished with a quiver. Hux crawled up next to him and smiled. "Enjoyed that did you?"

Ren was still finding it hard to breath. So he nodded. He looked at Hux and asked, "Do you...want me...to-"

"No, it's all right, I'll take care of it."

Ren rolled to his side and grabbed him. "Let me."

Hux swallowed. "You don't have to Ren."

"I know, but I want to," he said as he kissed Hux's cheek and took care of it for him.

Hux laid there once he was spent. Ren curled up next to him.

"That was, very nice," Hux commented with his eyes closed.

Ren nodded. "Uh-hu, thank you." Hux chuckled. "What?" Ren asked looking up at him.

"I just don't think I've ever had someone thank me before." Hux pulled away from Ren and began rummaging around in his nightstand. He brought out a lighter and a pack of cigarettes. He lit one and looked at Ren. "Would you like one?"

Ren shook his head as Hux blew out a bit of smoke.  
"I didn't know you smoked," Ren said a little confused.

Hux took another drag. "Only after great sex." He blew out another bit of smoke. "I hope it was all right? I know it wasn't really all the way, but-"

"It was great!" Ren interrupted. He smiled. "The best I've ever had."

Hux laughed at this. Ren laughed too. 'Don't say I love you Ren. I don't care if that's how you feel. Don't say it.'

"Oh how I love you Ren," Hux said still smiling.

'HE said it! What? No way!'

Hux looked at Ren. "Did I really just say that? I guess I do."

Ren licked his lips. "I...I love you too Hux."

Hux looked away and sucked on his cigarette. "I haven't said that to anyone since DJ."

Ren was still for a moment. 'Do I want to know? Of course I do!'

"Who's DJ?" Ren asked.

'I'm gonna regret that aren't I?'

Hux shook his head and put his half smoked cigarette out on an ash tray Ren hadn't realized was there on the top of the dresser. "No one." Hux sat up. "Are you hungry. I could make something-"

Ren sat up and put his hand on Hux' s shoulder. "Who's DJ?" Ren asked again.

Hux refused to look at him. "I'm sorry I brought him up. He's no one-"

"Is he your ex?"

"Fuck Ren, I don't want to talk about him!" Hux yelled as he pulled away from Ren and stood up. He looked back at Ren.

'Don't cry you dumb ass. You knew he had relationships before you, it's not that big of a deal.'  
Hux sighed. "I'm sorry Ren." Hux sat beside him again and put his hand on his arm. "I try not to think about him. He broke my heart. I only compare you to him in reminding myself how wonderful you are." Hux turned Ren's face toward him. "Please Ren. I said 'I love you' and I mean it. You do believe me, don't you?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

Hux kissed him gently. 'I shouldn't be worried. He said he loved me!'

Hux laid down and pulled him close. Ren buried his face in his chest. Hux played with his hair.

'I love when he does that. It just fills me with a calmness I don't think I've ever felt before. Not meditating with Luke even.' Ren closed his eyes.

"I love you Hux," Ren whispered as he began drifting off to sleep.

Ren was already out when Hux whispered back, "I know Ren."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments always keep us going! Let us know how you've enjoyed it :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after their first time together. Hux compares Ren to his ex even more. Ren meets Hux's strange roommate. Rey and Hux finally meet. Hux takes Ren on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said before, I will try to put in the Gailic translations.  
> Póg mo thóin: kiss my ads  
> Cúramach: careful  
> Tá tú go h-álainn: You're beautiful  
> Mo ghrá thú: you are my beloved  
> Oíche mhaith: good night  
> Acushla: darling

Chapter 9

Hux texted Phasma and begged her to run the shop that day. After his amazing night with Ren, he wanted to spend the day with him.

'Of course!' Phasma had replied. 'On one condition: you have to tell me EVERYTHING!'

Hux smiled to himself. 'Done'

Hux looked at Ren as he slept. He ran his fingers through his hair. He smiled as he tucked some behind his ear. "I like your ears," Hux whispered. He leaned down and kissed it. He kissed Ren's cheek. His lips. His chin. He laid back down and held him tightly.

Though Ren was asleep, Hux whispered to him. "I'm sorry I mentioned DJ. I loved him so deeply. I thought I'd never love like that again. Then you showed up with your arrogance and mischievous smile. God, I love your smile. I love everything about you! The way you laugh. Even the way you pout. You've come to mean so much to me and in such a short amount of time. I feel like a fool for loving you as wholly as I do. But, nevertheless, I do." He kissed Ren's forehead. "I love you." He closed his eyes and fell back to sleep.

***

Hux woke to Ren yelling. "What's the matter?"

Ren was sitting up. "There's a cat in your house!"

Hux shook his head, trying to wake himself. "A what?"

"A cat!"

"Oh, is that all?" Hux said as he laid his head back down.

"Why are you not freaking out? There is a cat in your apartment!"

"She has a name you know," Hux mumbled into his pillow.

"Okay, but why is it here?"

"She lives here," Hux answered. "Mostly."

"Since when did you have a cat? I've never seen it before."

Hux sighed and sat up turning to Ren. "That's Millicent. She showed up one day at the bakery about a year ago and she just wouldn't leave, so I brought her home. She comes and goes as she pleases. Sometimes she'll be gone for weeks. She hasn't been here since you and I first got together, all right? Do you not like cats or something?"

"No, I just don't like waking up to one trying to suffocate me," Ren answered.

"Yeah, she'll do that," Hux replied with a chuckle. "Would you like some breakfast?"

In answer, Ren leaned forward and kissed Hux and groped him. Hux hated himself, but this act reminded him of DJ.

DJ was like that, always trying to get rid of his morning wood by way of Hux.

"Stop DJ," Hux said as he pulled away. "I need to shower."

"Come on Hux," DJ whined. "It'll be quick, I promise."

Hux tried to push him away. "I said no, not this morning. Wasn't last night enough for you?"

"You know I always want you babe," DJ said as he kissed Hux again.

Hux felt it was no use resisting. DJ was older and much stronger. He'd make Hux let him. "I just don't want to DJ," Hux whined.

DJ pulled away angrily. "Fine, if you don't want to try and make me happy for once-"

Hux grabbed his arm. "No DJ please, I'm sorry. I love you I just-"

"Don't want to help me get off. It's all right, I get it you selfish prick."

Hux refused to let him go. "No, DJ, please, I'm sorry." He touched DJ. "Let me help you out. I want to."

DJ nodded. "Okay, but only if you want to."

Hux hated thinking about that moment while he was here with Ren. DJ so often tried to guilt him into sex. Ren was simply asking. Ren started trailing his kisses down Hux's face to his neck and then down to his chest.

"What are you doing?" Hux asked.

"You're not stupid Hux," Ren answered between kisses. "You know what I'm doing."

Hux swallowed hard. "Yes, but WHY are you doing it?" he questioned.

"You gave so much to me last night," Ren answered through his tender kisses on Hux's stomach. "I just wanted to show you it was appreciated." Ren grabbed at the top of Hux's pants.

"Ren, you don't-"

"You're going to have to help me out if you want me to take these off," Ren whispered.

Hux laid down and lifted himself to peel them off, along with his boxer briefs. "That's good Hux, now you just lay there while I take care of you."

Hux grabbed Ren's hair as he began. Hux closed his eyes, engulfed in pleasure. He wasn't used to being the one receiving attention like this. In all of Hux's past relationships, he was the more submissive one. He was always taking care of someone else. Hux tried to keep his breathing steady, but it became increasingly difficult. Hux finally finished, nearly shouting as he did. He kept his eyes closed, swallowed hard, and tried to even his breathing.

He felt Ren move up next to him, curling into his side. "Was that okay?" Ren asked. He wasn't seeking approval, he wanted to make certain Hux enjoyed himself.

Hux nodded. He opened his eyes and looked at Ren. "It was MORE than okay." He kissed Ren's forehead. "What about you? Do you need me to-"

"No, I'm okay," Ren said comfortably curling into Hux's side. Hux ran his fingers through Ren's hair.

"I should shower." Hux pulled himself away and got out of bed. Ren let him slip away and laid on the bed on his stomach. Hux stood there for a moment staring. "Spend some time in jail did you?"

Ren looked up at him confused. "What?"

"Your prison tat on your back," Hux joked.

"Oh, that," Ren stammered as he rolled his back away from Hux.

"Are you embarrassed by it?" Hux teased. "Let me see it!" Hux jumped on the bed next to Ren.

"No!" Ren said, moving away from Hux.

"Oh, please?" Hux begged. "I want a better look!"

Ren sighed and rolled onto his side to show his back to Hux. Hux gently touched it, tracing it with his fingers softly. "Why a hawk? It IS a hawk isn't it?"

"No, it's a falcon" Ren answered quietly.

"Oh, yes, I see. Why a falcon?"

Ren was quiet. "It's, it's just important to me."

"You don't have to be embarrassed about it Ren. Remember, you can tell me everything."

"I know," Ren said, dodging actually answering the question.

Hux continued to trace the tattoo gently. "It's beautiful. My father discouraged tattoos. He thought they were beneath him. But this," Hux leaned forward and kissed it, "this is beautiful. Just like you Ren."

"You don't have to say things like that Hux."

"But you are!" Hux argued.

"No, I'm not," Ren replied, slightly pulling away from Hux.

Hux pulled Ren back to him. "Yes, you are." He kissed his back yet again. "I wish you could see what I see Ren. Your charm." Hux kissed his shoulder blade. "Your wit." He kissed his other shoulder blade. "Your strength." He kissed the back of his neck. "You have so much to offer. And I love every bit of it."

Ren rolled to his other side to look at Hux. "You're really just too good to me, you know that?"

Hux smiled down at Ren, running his fingers through his hair. "I care about you Ren. You're special. I couldn't imagine ever NOT being good to you." Hux kissed him. "Mo ghrá thú."

"What does that mean?"

Hux smiled. "Just that you have a big ears and a funny nose."

Ren pushed Hux away. "You're an asshole." He turned away.

"Ren, I'm only teasing! Tá tú go h-álainn!" he said as he tried to pull Ren closer to him.

Turning back to Hux he said, "You're gonna have to start telling me what those mean. It's beautiful, but I still want to know what you're saying."

Hux leaned down and kissed him. When he pulled away he whispered, "Mo ghrá thú. You are my beloved." He kissed Ren again and then whispered, "Tá tú go h-álainn. You're beautiful."

Ren closed his eyes and breathed in deeply as though he were breathing the very words into his soul. He opened his eyes and looked at Hux. "I love you too Hux."

They spent the rest of the day in bed together, only getting up once or twice for showers and food.  
Hux loved doing this. Spending all day with Ren. No pressure for anything more than to enjoy one another's company.

By Monday morning, Hux regretted having to leave for work. Ren was still asleep since it was 3:00 in the morning. Hux kissed his cheek and whispered, "I love you," before he left for work.

Phasma was there already as Hux came in. "Okay, let me hear it, Luv. I want to know EVERYTHING!"

Hux sighed with a smile. "It was wonderful," Hux said. He sat down, not even bothering to get to work. "God, it was amazing!"

Phasma sat next to him. "I'm happy for you."

"It was just...wonderful. I...I told him I loved him," Hux admitted.

"Really? Are you sure it's not too soon? I mean-"

"I know!" Hux interrupted. "You don't think I haven't realised how sudden this all seems? It's just...I can't even explain it!"

Phasma smiled. "Ever heard of soulmates, Luv?"

Hux gave a slight snort. Though he supposed that may very well be the best way to describe what he and Ren had. But he knew he would have said the same thing about DJ at the time. Meeting DJ almost seemed serendipitous in a way. Hux had taken up running. He would go to a local park after work and run the track they had. One day DJ was there doing the same with a large golden retriever on a leash. Hux didn't much care for dogs, but he had to admit to himself, he was attracted to this handsome stranger. Over the next week, they seemed to meet at the park at the same hour.

"Hey, you come here often?" the stranger had said to him one afternoon with a laugh.

"Every once in a while," Hux answered with a smile. He extended his hand. "I'm Hux."

Accepting his hand, the stranger said, "I'm DJ. So, since we're both here, doing the same thing, would you like to run together?"

"I think I would," Hux answered. They talked on a bench after their run. DJ admitted he was only in the area because he was dog sitting for his sister while she was out of town. Hux thought it was truly beautiful that if he had taken up running a week later, perhaps he would have missed him. Or if DJ hadn't been taking care of his sister's dog at the time, they never would have met.

Hux wondered why he was thinking of DJ so much as of late. It bothered him, but he knew what he'd said to Ren was true, he only thought of DJ when comparing him to how wonderful Ren was. Hux pulled himself out of his thoughts. "I don't know if I really believe in such a thing as soul mates."

Phasma shrugged as she stood up. "Either way, I find myself rather jealous of the two of you."

"What? Why?" Hux asked with a laugh.

Phasma shrugged again. "I don't know. I suppose it's because it's so obvious how much you care for each other."

"Come now, Rose LOVES you! And you adore her just as equally."

Phasma sighed. "I suppose you're right. But there's a great deal of difference between loving someone and being IN love with them." Phasma left for the back room to begin working.

Hux had never heard Phasma talk like that before. She was such a strong and independent woman. Hux sighed and also began his work.

Hux was at the register when Ren showed up. He smiled. He now looked forward to Ren walking in every morning. Even though he'd seen him five hours ago, it still felt as though they'd been parted for too long.

"Morning Gingerbread," Ren said with the broadest smile.

Hux rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hide the smile plastered on his own face. "Good morning to you too. Wait just a moment." Hux turned and called for Phasma. She walked in, her face had frosting and flour in several places. She wiped her hands and then her face with her apron. "Would you mind terribly watching the counter for me for a moment?"

"So you can have some hanky-panky with your boyfriend?" she teased. "Get out of here," she said as she slapped Hux's butt on his way to the back room, leaving a white flour handprint there.

Hux and Ren went to the back. "How was your morn-" Hux began, but Ren grabbed his face and kissed him. Hux didn't mind at all, as he shoved Ren against, what now seemed to be, their make-out wall.

Ren pulled his lips away. "God, I would love to have sex with you, right here, right now."

Hux kissed him again and pulled away to say, "That wouldn't be very sanitary now would it? And I still have to make cakes back here."

"I could help you make some icing," Ren joked.

Hux laughed. "You're disgusting." He pressed himself into Ren as he kissed him again. But he quickly pulled away. "You have class to get to," Hux reminded him as he turned to grab the bag he'd already set aside for Ren.

"I could just stay here with you instead," Ren suggested as he wrapped his arms around Hux and kissed his neck.

Hux shivered. He truly enjoyed when Ren did that. "Though I would like that very much," Hux said, then pulled away and turned to face Ren, "you need to get to class and I need to sell cakes." He kissed Ren and said. "Now go. I'll see you tonight?"

"I have to work tonight," Ren answered.

"Then I'll pick you up from work," Hux suggested.

Ren smiled. "Sure. That sounds great." He kissed Hux one more time. "See you tonight Gingerbread," Ren said and then left.

***

Hux closed the bakery only 30 minutes before he had to pick up Ren. But he wanted to make himself presentable. So, he quickly went home, took the quickest shower of his life, and changed his clothes before heading to the auto shop Ren worked at.

Ren had told him that his father had been a professional drag racer when he was younger, but when he settled down with Leia, he decided he needed a more respectable profession, so he opened his own auto shop. Ren had worked there since before it was legal for him to do so. Everything he knew about cars he had learned from his father.

Hux pulled into the parking lot and went inside. There was a young woman at the front. She was roughly Ren's age and wore mechanics overalls. She looked up and smiled when she saw Hux walk in.

"Hi, how can I help you?"

"I'm here for Ren," Hux answered.

"You must be Hux!" she said with more excitement than Hux had expected. "Ren has told me SO much about you! I'm Rey," she said as she extended her hand.

Hux looked at her hand and realised it was covered in grease. Rey saw that Hux wouldn't accept her hand. She looked at it and said, "Oops. Sorry." She wiped her greasy hands on her already soiled overalls and extended her hand again. Hux knew wiping her hands had hardly removed any of the grime, but he wanted to be polite, so he accepted it this time.

"It's very nice to meet you. Ren has mentioned you before as well."

Rey smiled. "Well, I'll let him know you're here. He and Han got caught up replacing a water pump on a Ford Taurus, and let me tell you, it is not easily accessable on those things."

Hux smiled politely. "Thank you."

"Or you could come on back to let him know you're here. The shop's just back here. Follow me!" she said before Hux could even try to decline. So he followed her.

Ren was indeed under the bonnet of a car with his father. Hux wasn't surprised to overhear them arguing. Even at work they argued!

"Dad, I know where it goes, I've done this like a thousand times, okay."

"Listen hot shot, you try to by-pass that, the whole damn thing will fall apart in a week. Just hold it still so I can get in there."

Rey went over to them. "Here, let me hold it," she offered, nearly shoving Ren out of the way. "Your chauffer is here."

Ren looked confused. He turned around and smiled when he saw Hux. "Hey Dad, it cool if I clock out."  
"  
Yeah, yeah, get out of here," he answered.

Ren walked over to Hux and tried to give him a kiss, but Hux kept him at arms length. "Ren, you're completely soiled. You should change out of those before you touch me. God, I wish I had something to put down in the car." Hux sighed. "I'll just have it detailed later."

Ren laughed with a smile. "What Hux, you don't like me like this?" Ren teased as he again tried to lean in to kiss him.

Hux still kept him away as he took a few steps back. "Really, Ren, that's enough. Go get changed."

"But I just want to show you how much I LOVE you!" Ren said as he continued to advance on Hux.

"Now Ren, stop. Or I will be forced to no longer make muffins for you," Hux threatened as he finally reached the door he came in from.

"But HUX, I thought you LOVED me," Ren teased as he got Hux at the door, nearly pinning him there.

"That doesn't mean I have to LIKE you at the moment," Hux replied.  
Ren just smiled.

"Are you two always like this?" Rey asked from where she stood by the car.

"Pretty much from what I've seen," Han replied, obviously annoyed. To Ren he said, "Look, hot shot, if you're gonna manhandle your new fuckboy at least get off the clock. I don't want to have to be paying you while you get to fool around."

Hux could see the anger in Ren's eyes, but Ren just said, "Sorry Dad." He then grabbed Hux's hand and pulled him out of the shop. Ren let go and went to the computer and clocked out. He turned back to Hux and said, "I'm gonna go change. Be back in a minute." He then disappeared through another door marked employees only. Hux waited by the front desk.

Another man walked in. He wore a leather jacket and sunglasses, though it really wasn't bright enough outside for them. He took those off as he sat down and casually picked up a magazine.

Ren finally emerged, now changed out of his work clothes and back into his street clothes. The man sitting there looked up and smiled. "Hey Renny, how's it going?"

"Oh, hey, Poe. I'm good. Rey should be done pretty soon. She and Dad are finishing that water pump on the Taurus."

"Man, those things are a bitch to get to," Poe replied.

"I know! I think it took me and Dad a good 30 minutes just to get to it. And you have to almost literally tear the damn thing apart to do so." Hux cleared his throat, reminding Ren he was still there. "Oh, um Poe, this is my boyfriend Hux. Hux this is Rey's boyfriend Poe."

Poe stood up and shook Hux's hand. "It's nice to meet you. Damn, Ren, I know you said he was cute, but, wow."

Hux could feel himself blushing. He hated when that happened. When the blood rushed to his face, it was usually pretty obvious against his naturally pale skin. "Well, um, we should go," Hux said, blatantly uncomfortable. "It was nice to meet you."

"You too." To Ren he said, "Take care Renny."

"Later," he called as he and Hux exited. "You're blushing," Ren commented as they got into Hux's car.

"Shut up," he replied as he turned the key in the ignition.

"What? It's adorable! Your face and your ears match your hair now."

Hux looked over at Ren. "I hate you."

Ren laughed. "I know." They drove back to Hux's flat without another word.

"You should go shower," Hux suggested as they went inside.

Ren smiled. "You brought me back to your place for shower sex?" he joked.

"No," Hux said as he sat on the sofa. "I'd like to take you out tonight. However, I'd also like you to wash away all the grease and grime you're covered in from work. So, go shower," he said with a dismissive wave.

"What?! You don't like me like this?" Ren said as he came over to Hux and leaned down to kiss him.

Hux pushed him away. "Shower. Now."

"You think you can tell me what to do?"

Hux groped Ren and he gasped slightly. "I DO think that. Because I'm in charge, aren't I Ren?" Hux whispered. Ren nodded. "Say it Ren. Say that I'm in charge."

"You're in charge," Ren said swallowing hard.

"Good. It would be best if you remember that. Now," Hux said as he released him, "be a good boy and take a shower."

"I don't have any clothes to change into," Ren replied.

Hux shrugged. "You can wear something of mine. I'm sure I have something that you'll fit."

"All right, I'll be back in a bit," Ren said. He leaned down and gave Hux a chaste kiss on his lips and then made his way to the bathroom. Ren showered quickly and then dressed in the clothes Hux had given him. Once they got into Hux's car, Ren finally asked, "So, where are you taking me?"

Hux smiled. "It's a surprise," he answered repeating the same thing Ren had said to him on their first date. It was a short drive and Ren was excited as they pulled into the parking lot of a bowling alley.

"I haven't been bowling since high school," Ren said, filled with excitement.

"Which was what, six months ago?" Hux teased.

Ren smiled. "Shut up," he leaned over and kissed Hux before they went inside. They rented their shoes, picked out their bowling balls, and went to their lane. The bowling alley was mostly empty. There was another young couple, probably around fourteen or so, and a husband and wife with their six-year old.

"So, you any good at this?" Ren asked. "Or are you going to tell me you've never done this before and then smoke me any way?"

Hux laughed. "I told you, I happen to be an excellent marksman. But this, I don't think I have the skill or finesse for."

"Guess we'll see," Ren said as he wrote their names on the scoreboard. Hux went first and threw a gutterball.

Hux groaned with a smile. "I'm going to be terrible at this." He threw his second ball and managed to hit one single pin.

Ren laughed. "At least you got A point."

Hux jokingly flipped him the bird as he took a seat. Ren stood up. "It's really simple Gingerbread. Just gotta let the ball roll right off your fingers like so." Ren threw his ball down the lane, knocking over all but one pin. Ren winced. "Guess I'm a little rusty." He waited for the ball to return and then threw it once again, hitting the last pin with ease. He came back to sit with Hux, a smile plastered on his face.

"You WOULD happen to be exceptional at this, wouldn't you?" Hux said with fake irritation.

Ren laughed. "There's no need to be jealous, Sugar. I'll teach you," he said as he grabbed Hux's hands and pulled him out of his seat. Hux grabbed his ball and stood in front of the lane. Ren stood behind him and whispered. "You have to cradle it gently. And you don't need much force. Just a little push." He then kissed Hux's neck. Hux closed his eyes and shivered.

"Cúramach Ren, I may drop the ball if you keep doing that."

"You've said that before. What does cúramach mean?" Ren asked curiously.

Hux smiled. "Careful." He looked back down the lane. "Okay, here we go." He stepped forward and threw the ball. He actually managed to hit half of them.

"All right!" Ren encouraged. "You're better already. I know you can TOTALLY knock down the rest of them."

Hux smiled as he got his ball from the return. He turned back to the lane and threw it again, this time, missing all of the pins entirely.  
"It's all right," Ren said kindly. "It's only the second time. I'll help you with the next one." Ren got up and took his turn.

Hux smiled to himself. He knew Ren had no idea he'd missed deliberately. He wanted to feel Ren behind him again, showing him how to hold the ball just so. They went through two games before they left.  
Once they were back in the car Hux asked, "So, should I take you home? Or do you want to come back to my place?"

"I'd love to go back to your place, but I still don't have clean clothes."

"I'll throw your things in the wash tonight. Should be clean and dry before you have to leave for class."

Ren though for a moment. "Don't you have to get up early tomorrow?"

Hux shrugged. "I do, but I wanted to spend some time with you."

Ren smiled. "I think I could stay over tonight. If you REALLY need me there to fall asleep. Gosh, you're so co-dependent," Ren joked.

"Póg mo thóin," Hux said with a smile as they drove away from the bowling alley.

"What does that mean?"

"That you're the most wonderful person I've ever met."

Ren smirked. "I don't believe you for some odd reason."

When they returned to Hux's flat, he indeed put Ren's clothes in the washer. "Would you like something to sleep in?" Hux asked as he put on lounge pants and a tank.

Ren smiled. "No, I'll be okay like this," he said, referencing his lack of clothing. He was simply in his boxers.

Hux rolled his eyes as he turned off the light and crawled into bed. Ren laid down next to him and began kissing his neck. Hux closed his eyes, enjoying the tender feel of Ren's lips on his skin. "Good God Ren! Why on Earth would you start doing that right now?"

"I always WANT to," Ren said through several kisses. "Now just seemed as good of a time as any."

Hux could feel himself getting aroused. "Ren, please don't. You're right, I DO need to sleep."

Ren stopped kissing him and put his arms around Hux's waist. "Okay, sorry."

Hux was surprised! DJ would have made him have sex with him any way. It felt strange to have someone just stop when he asked. "I'm sorry Ren, I'll make it up to you. I promise."

Ren got comfortable with Hux in his arms. "Okay," he said drowsily.

"Are you REALLY almost a sleep already?"

"Yeah," Ren answered quietly.

"I am SO jealous of you for that." Hux pulled himself closer to Ren's chest. "I can't shut my mind off. I think about EVERYTHING when I lay down at night. My dad, my mum, the bakery. Just...EVERYTHING! I can't shut it off. But it's easier with you here. Listening to the sound of your breath, feeling the heat of your body next to mine. It...it calms me." Hux took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Lying next to you is like taking a deep breath of fresh air after years of being locked away inside a cocoon. It just feels so wonderful to have you near." Hux paused, opening his eyes. "Are you awake beloved?" Ren didn't reply. "Oíche mhaith, acushla," Hux whispered as he closed his eyes once again and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what O'm about to say here lol kudos and comments are appreciated. If you like our work, ahow us some love <3 Thanks!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren tells Hux more about his tattoo and what it really means. They join Luke on a special journey. Han makes a decision that changes things for Ren and Hux.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaelic terms:  
> Acushla: Darling  
> Is tusa mo dhomhan, m’fhíorghrá: you are my world, my true love  
> Maidin mhaith : good morning

The week went by without much disruption. If Ren wasn't at school or work, he was with Hux. Friday night though, Hux had insisted Ren spend time with his family.

"You had a life before I came along," Hux mentioned. "It shouldn't change just because I'm in it now," Hux said as he dressed.

Ren laid on the bed, still naked. They'd started having sex just about every night.

'Maybe it's selfish or greedy, but I don't want to have a night without THIS. Without YOU.'

But all Ren said was, "Fine."

"Come now Ren, don't be like that," Hux teased as he crawled in bed next to him, his shirt only buttoned half way.

"Be like what?" Ren asked, refusing to look at Hux directly.

"Pouty like that," Hux answered as he wrapped his arms around Ren. Ren turned away. "Oh Ren! Agra! Please don't be so upset with me!" He kissed Ren's shoulder. "I just want what's best for you."

Ren let himself relax into Hux's embrace. "But, YOU'RE what's best for me," Ren whined. Hux gave a soothing shushing sound and kissed Ren's back where his tattoo was. Ren shivered. "You're like low key obsessed with that thing aren't you?"

Hux began tracing it with his fingers. "No," he answered.

"Liar."

Hux gently smacked him on the back the head. "I don't appreciate being called a liar."

"Then don't lie," Ren teased.

Hux gave him another firm hit on the back of his head. "I'm not OBSESSED with it. It just, FASCINATES me, that's all."

"You act like you've never seen a tattoo before."

"Not many," Hux admitted. "Like I said, my dad was dead set against them. 'Our bodies are temples and how dare a man defile it with permanent ornamentation' and such." Hux sighed. His fingers never left Ren's skin. "But this is beautiful."

"Would you like one of your own?" Ren asked turning just slightly so he could look at Hux.

"What? No! Of course not," Hux protested, but not entirely convincingly.

"Not the tattoo," Ren said, now turing all the way to face Hux. "You're spirit animal?"

Hux looked at him in complete confusion. "My what?"

"Spirit animal," Ren repeated. "A power animal, a spirit which guides you and helps you and even protects you."

"You're crazy," Hux said simply.

"Don't call me crazy!" Ren shouted as he sat up.

"Ren you're getting upset over something trivial-"

"This is NOT trivial!"

Hux sat up now. 'He's never seen me this angry before. I think it's scaring him.'

Ren took a deep breath and looked away. "It's important to me Hux, and I would appreciate it if you didn't belittle my beliefs."

"I'm sorry Ren," Hux said sincerely. "I just don't buy into all that mystic shit."

"It's not shit Hux," Ren said as he looked back at him. "A lot of that 'mystic shit' has helped me. It might seem stupid to you, but it's not to ME," Ren said as he turned away again.

Hux gently turned Ren's face to him. "I'm truly sorry Ren. How do I find my spirit animal? Please tell me!"

"Don't patronize me, Hux," Ren said as he pulled away.

"No, really," Hux said as he pulled Ren to him. "I want to know! It's important to you. So I want to know more."

"Hux you don't have to-"

"But I WANT to," he argued.

Ren looked at him. "Do you want to because YOU want to, or because you think it'll make ME happy?"

"Does it matter?" Hux asked with a smile. "Ren, my beloved, please believe me when I say I want to do this, for you! I love you. And if it's important to you, it's important to me. No, I don't get any of the spiritualistic beliefs you have, but I'm willing to learn. I'll try. For you." Hux kissed Ren.

Ren sighed. "Okay."

"So, how do we go about it?"

"We'll have to go see Luke," Ren answered.

Hux smiled. "That sounds great."

"You don't HAVE to Hux-"

"I know, but I decided to. All right? So, how about Saturday, after I get done with work?"

Ren nodded. "Okay."

"And tomorrow you're staying home with your family," Hux reminded him.

Ren groaned as he flopped back on the bed. "Do I HAVE to?"

"No," Hux answered. "The only thing you HAVE to do in life is live with the consequences of your choices." Hux then leaned over Ren and added seductively, "And since I'm in charge, my word is law. And there WILL be dire consequences if you choose to not do as I say. Am I clear?"

'He's so hot when he does this.' Ren thought as his heart beat faster. 'I know we JUST had sex, but I could do it again right now if he told me to.'

"You're clear," Ren answered.

"Clear about what?" Hux demanded. "I want to hear you say it."

Ren swallowed hard. 'Why do I get so turned on by this?!'

"That you're in charge," Ren answered.

"Good," Hux said sweetly and then kissed him.

As directed, Ren went home after school the next day rather than going to be with Hux. His mom was the only one home. Jaina and Jacen wouldn't be home for another half hour. Leia was folding laundry on the couch, something Ren had rarely seen her do when he was a child.

'But Jacen and Jaina are SPECIAL.' Ren thought angrily to himself. 'I wish she'd have been at home for me when I was a kid as much as she is for them.'

Ren tried to sneak by to his room.  
Leia turned around and saw him. "Ben! You're home!" She set down the shirt she was folding and went to Ren, hugging him tightly.

"Hey Mom."

"It seems like I haven't seen you for a couple of days," Leia commented as she pulled away from her embrace.

Ren shrugged. "I've been out with Hux a lot," Ren admitted.

"Well, I'm glad you're home for a change."

"Yeah," was all Ren said in return.

Leia put a comforting hand on Ren's arm. "Ben honey, are you okay?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah, I'm just tired. I've got some school work to get done."

"Okay honey, dinner should be ready around 6," Leia said as she turned back to the laundry.

Ren skulked off to his room, closing and locking the door behind himself. He laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

'Why the fuck would you make me stay home for one night? It's not like I'll be spending time with any of them. Dad doesn't even like me, and Mom is too tired to really be there for me. And I fucking HATE Jacen and Jaina. God! This is stupid!'

Ren took out his phone and texted Hux. 'Ok, I get it. I should spend time with my fam. I have. Can I come over?'

Hux responded immediately. 'You've been home all of what? Two minutes? Maybe if you behave, you can come over after dinner for some dessert ;)'

Ren smiled. 'What were u thinking 4 dessert?' Ren texted as he reached down the front of his jeans.

'I don't know. Perhaps something simple like brownies.'

Ren glared at his phone, hoping Hux could feel it through the air waves. 'Anything ELSE?'

Ren gently touched himself as he waited for a reply. It didn't take long.

'I suppose I could think of SOMETHING else. You have anything in particular in mind ;)'

'You know what I like?'

Hux's reply wasn't as quick as they had been. 'I'll wet your lips with my own, forcing my tongue inside your mouth.'

Ren sighed, grabbing at himself a little tighter. 'You taste sweet.'

'Hahaha! You know I'm not ;) But I can be if I like. I'd remove your shirt and under tank and suck at your collar bone.'

Ren undid his belt and pants, giving himself more room. 'U know I'd start 2 moan. I lik that.'

Hux's responses were much quicker now. 'I know you do. I also know how you like it when I lick every part of your chest and suck and bite at your nipples.'

Ren closed his eyes for a moment, imagining Hux there right then doing just that. He texted back. 'Focus on my nipples. Their hard 4 u, just lik other parts of me'

'I can feel how hard you are for me. I'm pressing myself into you as I pinch your right nipple and continue sucking on the other.'

Ren was enjoying this fantasy. He pulled his pants and underwear down, freeing himself entirely.

'You're gonna make me come b4 I'm ready. I'm so hard 4 u Hux. What do u do with me?'

'I would ask you what you want? Would you like my mouth on you or should I turn you over and punish you for misbehaving?'

Ren was trying desperately not to finish just yet. He wanted to hear the rest of this fantasy.

'Turn me over Hux. Punish my ass for being such a bad boy.'

'I force you over onto your stomach and scratch hard down your back.'

'Yes! Yes! Punish me! Leave your mark on me. Remind me I'm yours! That ur in charge!'

'I'd force you out of your pants and underthings. I slap your ass for doing things you know you shouldn't do.'

Ren was breathing heavily now. 'Don't stop there. I need u in me!'  
Ren knew he would finish soon enough.

There was a knock on his door.  
"Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Who is it?"

A very timid voice answered. "It's Jaina."

Ren pulled his pants and underwear back up and began stuffing himself back in them. He got off the bed and went to the door. He unlocked the door and yanked it open.  
"What the HELL do you want?" Jaina stood there petrified. "WHAT do you want?"

"You...you left your...your book on the table." She handed the large history book to Ren.

"Thank you VERY much. Now go the FUCK away!"

Tears started to form in Jaina's eyes. "I'm sorry Ren. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just trying to be nice!" She ran away crying.

"Fuck!" Ren shouted.

Leia came down the hall. "What is going on?"

Ren crossed his arms. "Nothing."

"Nothing? Really? You call your sister running from your room bawling her eyes out nothing?!"

"She came barging into my room!" Ren shouted.

Leia shook her head. "That doesn't sound like Jaina."

"Well, that's what happened." Ren leaned against the door.

"Ben, honey, are you all right?" Leia asked as she stepped closer and tried to put her hand on Ren's arm.

Ren pulled away. "I'm FINE, Mom. God! Why do you and Dad feel a need to check up on me all the time?"

"We care about you Ben," Leia answered with concern.

Ren looked away. "Whatever."

'My hard on is pretty much gone at this point any way.'

"Ben," Leia stepped closer, but Ren was already pressed against the doorway, so there was nowhere to go. Leia put her hand on Ren's arm this time. "We love you. If there's anything wrong, you can talk to me or your father."

Ren scoffed. "Yeah, because Dad is SUCH a good listener."

"You know he cares about you."

Looking at his mother he said, "DO I know that? The man hardly talks to me. When he does it's only about work or to accuse me of doing something wrong!"

Leia pulled her son to her and held him.

'I'm not a fucking child. Why does she feel a need to do this? It's for HER benefit, not MINE. It makes HER feel better, not me.'

Leia began stroking his hair, the way she did when he was a little boy. "Ben, I love you. I worry about you."

"You don't need you to worry about me," Ren said into his mother's shoulder.

"I'm your mother, I'll always worry about you." She let go and looked Ren in the eyes. "Is everything okay with you and Hux?"

"Yeah, we're fine," Ren answered.

"He's not...making you...DO anything, is he?"

"Jesus Mom!" Ren shouted, pulling farther away and throwing his hands in the air. "Why would you think that?! Hux is a good guy! Why can't you and Dad see that?"

"I wasn't suggesting-"

"Yes you were!" Ren argued. "You were suggesting that he's been raping me or something!"

"No, Ben. Honey-" Leia tried to diffuse the situation, but Ren was riled up now, so there was no stopping him.

"That's EXACTLY what you said! God Mom, don't you trust me? Don't you think I know how to tell if someone is a good guy or not?"

"Ben, I wasn't saying-"

"Then what WERE you saying?!"

Leia took a deep breath. "If you would shut up and LISTEN maybe then you'd know." Ren crossed his arms again and refused to look at his mother. "I know that Hux is older-"

"Dad's older than you too!"

"Let me finish. You're young Ben and you've never been in a relationship before. Do you know how many partners Hux has had? Do you know if he's clean?"

"Yes Mom! He's been checked. He's not going to give me anything!"

Leia pursed her lips. "Just be safe Ben," she said as coolly as she could, knowing there was no point in arguing with Ren, and then walked away.

Ren slammed his door and laid down on his bed on his stomach. 'You are NOT gonna cry. Damn it!' Ren couldn't hold back his tears; he was so angry!

His phone rang. He saw it was Hux, so he answered it. "Hey! What's up?"

"Just wanted to check up on you. You didn't reply to my last text. Wanted to make sure you got what you needed from our conversation." Ren could hear the smile in Hux's voice.

Ren wiped his few tears away. "Yeah, thanks. It was nice."

"Ren, Acushla, are you all right?"

Ren sniffled. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine. Your asshole father say something to you?"

Ren smiled. 'He's so cute when he gets all protective like that. Ha, I would like to see him take on Dad. I love Hux, but Dad would flatten him with ease.'

"No, I just had a minor disagreement with Mom. Everything's fine."

Hux was silent for a moment. "Alright, but if you need me, I'm just a call or text away."

Ren smiled. "I know babe." Ren could hear Hux release an angry breath.

'Hehehe he's cute when he gets mad too.'

"Don't call me that Ren, please. I loath it."

Ren laughed. "You know you LOVE it."

"You are such a pest sometimes, you know that."

Ren giggled. "Yeah, but I'm YOUR pest."

"Lucky me," Hux said sarcastically.

Ren gave a short laugh. "Hey, so, would it be all right if I DID come over after dinner?"

"You are absolutely incorrigible, you know that?" Hux laughed. "Yes my beloved, if you feel such an intense need to be with me tonight, you most certainly can come over after dinner."

Ren smiled to himself mischievously. "And will I still get that dessert you promised?"

"I promised no such thing! If you recall correctly I said PERHAPS I will let you have dessert, but that is only IF you behave yourself. Do you think you can do that for one meal?"

'I've already failed miserably. I really doubt I'm going to make it through dinner holding my tongue.'

"Yeah, I'll try," Ren answered.

"Don't just TRY, DO it. I have faith in you."

"Okay."

"I'll see you later tonight then." Hux then hung up.

'What? No long good bye and I can't wait to have you back? Who am I kidding, Hux isn't into that mushy romantic crap.' Ren sighed. 'I can keep my mouth shut for one night. Not Dad or Jacen or anything else is going to get to me.'

Ren worked on his school work in his room until it was time for dinner.

He sat down without saying a word.  
"Mom, there's a strange man sitting at the table," Jacen yelled.

Ren glared at him, but didn't say anything.

'Just have to get through the next hour.'

"Haven't seen you in a while," Jacen commented. "Why are you home now? Did your boyfriend dump you?"

"Don't talk about him," Ren warned.

"Why? What are you gonna do? I'm not afraid of your stupid gay ass."

Ren leaned forward. "If you're not careful, I'll GIVE you a reason to be scared of my 'gay ass'."

Leia and Han walked in before Jacen could reply.

Leia grabbed Ren's hand. "It's nice to have you home for dinner."

Ren gave her an encouraging smile.

"Let's say Grace," Han commented. "Jacen, I believe it's your turn."

Everyone grabbed hands. Jacen cleared his throat and then began. "Dear God, we wanted to say thanks for this meal and thanks for Ben being home, especially without his boyfriend. Bless this meal and us. Amen."

Leia gave Jacen a stern look. "What? I said we were grateful Ben was home," Jacen protested.

"Just shut up and eat your dinner," Han said to him.

Ren gave Jacen a smirk. 'That's right you little shit. I won this round.'

Jacen stuck his tongue out at Ren.  
"Jacen Lucas Solo," Leia warned.

"Sorry," Jacen said, obviously unapologetic.

"How is school going?" Leia asked Ren, passing the salad bowl to Jacen once she was done.

"Fine," Ren answered as he passed the mashed potatoes.

"How's work?"

"Great," Han interjected. "When he bothers to show."

"I come in when I'm supposed to," Ren defended.

"We learned about the Mayans in class today," Jaina said, trying to change the subject.

"And what did you learn about them?" Leia asked in motherly interest.

"Probably none of the fun stuff," Ren said. "Like how they sacrificed people and bathed in their blood."

Jaina wrinkled her nose. "Ew, no we learned about their pyramids and compared them to the Egyptians' pyramids."

"Sounds riveting," Ren commented sarcastically as he began eating.

"Well, not all of us can stay home fondling our boy toys," Han said.

'He's such an asshole! I go to school and work and I have school work to do and Hux has the bakery to run, it's not like all we do is fuck. Though I wouldn't mind it.' Ren didn't say anything aloud.

"Don't have anything to say? That's a twist," Han said. "Maybe that idiot of yours helped you learn to keep your mouth shut on occasion."

Ren focused on eating his dinner.  
'Eat and you can leave. Don't give into him. He wants you to meet him at his level. Don't give in.'

"Well, he'd HAVE to be an idiot to want to date Ben," Jacen cruelly joked.

"Jacen," Leia nearly yelled. "I want to talk to you in the living room, right now." Leia stood up and grabbed Jacen by the arm. He begrudgingly followed her out of the dinning room.

"I have to agree with him," Han mumbled as he drank his beer.

"Fuck you," Ren said angrily.

'I can't just sit here and take it any more.'

"Excuse you!"

"Say whatever the Hell you want about me. But I will not let you talk about Hux like that."

"I can say whatever I want to about the homo," Han retorted.

"That's enough!" Ren shouted as he stood up.

Han rose to meet him. "Yeah? What do you think you're gonna do about it, hot shot?"

Ren balled up his hands into fists. "So help me Dad, you call him-"

"Call him what? Your new plaything? The rapist? I'll call him whatever I Damn well please! They're just names any way."

"Just names?" Ren questioned. "If they're just names then how about I start calling you the dead beat dad? Or the that mother fucking prick?!"

Han got up in Ren's face. "You best choose your next words very carefully, hot shot, or else your little ass licker isn't gonna know what happened to you."

"Daddy!" Jaina cried from where she sat. Tears streamed down her face. She was obviously scared of what was going to happen.

"Look, now you've upset your sister! Happy now?"

"Why should I give a shit if she's upset? The stupid little bitch doesn't mean anything to me! And why should you care? You never cared when I cried when I was her age!"

"Don't you ever say I never cared about you! Do you know what I gave up for your selfish ass?!"

"Oh right, your oh so promising racing career," Ren mocked.

"I gave up EVERYTHING I had to take care of you and your mother!"

Leia came back into the dinning room. "Jaina I want you to leave. Jacen is in his room, I want you to go sit with him please." Jaina immediately followed these directions with relief. "And as for the two of you!" She grabbed Ren's arm and dragged him to the family room.

"You didn't hear what he was saying about Hux!" Ren protested.

"Ben, stop! Go take a walk or a drive. Let your father calm down and I will deal with him. All right? Just go somewhere to cool off." Leia turned on her heel and went back to the dinning room to speak to Han.

Ren quickly exited the back door. Be got in his car and drive to Hux's apartment. He waited impatiently after knocking.

Hux opened the door. "You're here earlier than I expected." Ren walked in. "What, no hello? Or nice to see you?"

Ren turned around and shoved Hux against the door and started kissing him ferociously. He began tugging at Hux's clothes without permission. Hux tried to push him away, but Ren was bigger and stronger.

"Ren stop! What has gotten into you?"

"I NEED this Hux," Ren managed to mumble through his desperate kisses. "I need YOU."

"Ren, please stop," Hux begged. Ren continued to bite and suck at Hux's skin. "Ren, stop! Damn it! Stop!"  
Ren stopped and looked Hux in the eye. He was breathing heavily. "When you've asked me to stop, I have. I expect to be extended the same courtesy."

Ren was silent. He looked down, completely embarrassed. "I'm sorry Hux. I should have listened to you."

Hux cupped Ren's face in his hands. "It's all all right," Hux whispered. "Tell me what happened."

Ren hadn't realized until that moment that there were tears in his eyes. "I fucking HATE him!" Ren shouted through clenched teeth, tears falling mercilessly.

Hux pulled Ren close. "Your father? The man is a fool. He doesn't see how truly wonderful you are."

Ren sobbed into Hux's chest. "I'm never going to be enough for him! I never have!"

Hux tightened his embrace and shushed him as he stroked his hair. "It doesn't matter, beloved. You're more than enough for me."

They stood there in the living room for some time, Ren sobbing uncontrollably into Hux's chest.  
Once Ren's tears had subsided, Hux grabbed his chin and made him look at him. "Come with me, love." He pulled Ren along to his bedroom. He made Ren sit on the edge of the bed. Hux knelt down in front of him and untied his shoes and removed them, along with his socks. He rubbed his feet for a moment before he stood up and helped Ren out of his shirt and undershirt.

"Hux, I really don't feel like-"

"Hush," Hux instructed, gently placing a finger over Ren's lips. "I'm just helping you get ready for bed. Now stand up so I can remove your pants." Ren did as he was instructed without question.

'He's really undressing me just to go to bed? That's the craziest thing I've ever heard! It's totally sweet. I don't deserve him. I really don't. He's just too wonderful!'

Ren stepped out of his jeans once Hux had pulled them to the floor. "Now, lay down. Get comfortable," Hux ordered gently as he folded Ren's clothes and put them aside. Ren laid down and closed his eyes. A few moments later, he felt Hux's naked flesh against his as he pulled Ren to his chest.

Hux stroked his hair as he whispered, "Is tusa mo dhomhan."

Ren closed his eyes and sighed blissfully. "I don't know what you're saying, but it's beautiful."

Hux was quiet for some time before he replied. "Ren, no matter what, I will ALWAYS be here for you. Sleep, Asthore, everything will look better in the morning." Ren was asleep before he heard any of it.

****

Ren woke the next morning to Hux carrying breakfast into him on a tray. Ren smiled. "Maidin mhaith," he said.

"Good morning to you too," Hux replied as he set the tray down and kissed Ren. "Sleep well?"

"I was with you wasn't I?"

Hux rolled his eyes with a smile. "That didn't answer the question."

Ren shrugged. "I thought it did."

Hux shook his head, still smiling. "You are so insufferable," Hux said as he placed the tray in front of Ren. "I made you breakfast. Lemon poppyseed crepes with blueberry cream cheese filling, two poached eggs, red grapes and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice."

Ren smiled and looked up at Hux. "You really shouldn't have."

"I wanted to," Hux replied as he sat next to Ren. Hux was in his typical dark blue robe he often wore around the apartment after they were done having sex. He ran his fingers through Ren's hair.

"Aren't YOU going to eat?"

Hux shook his head. "No, I'll eat later. Please, enjoy!"

Ren gingerly picked up his fork and began eating. He closed his eyes as he chewed a bit of crepe. "This is awesome," Ren complimented.

Hux smiled. "Glad you like it."

"You should have some," Ren offered the fork to Hux.

Hux shook his head. "I told you, I'm fine."

"No, you're going to eat," Ren argued. He cut off another piece of crepe and tried to feed it to Hux.

"Ren, I said I'm fine."

"Eat!"

Hux knew there was no arguing with Ren on the subject, so he took the bite he offered.

"That's better," Ren said as he began eating again. He kept offering bites to Hux and he accepted each.

'That's right, you're not the only one who can be in charge,' Ren smirked to himself.

"What's so funny?" Hux asked, catching Ren's smile.

Ren laughed. "Nothing sweetie," he said as he fed Hux a bit of egg.

"You can stay here while I go to work if you'd like," Hux suggested as he kissed Ren's shoulder.

"Or I could just go to the bakery with you," Ren replied.

Hux kept kissing Ren's skin. "Whatever you'd like to do my prince."

'I think I like the sound of that.'  
Ren grabbed Hux by the chin and kissed him. He forced him to lay down as he rolled on top of him. The tray of breakfast fell over. "Shit!" trying to pull away. Ren wouldn't let him though. "Ren, the juice is going to stain the carpet!"

"It's okay Hux," Ren told him as he continued to kiss him.

"No, Ren, I rent, remember?"

'Just shut up and let me appreciate you.' Ren kissed his neck.

Hux closed his eyes and smiled. "God Ren, I hate when you do that."

Ren stopped and looked at Hux in concern. "Do you? I thought you liked it?"

Hux took a deep, yet quivering breath. "I only hate it because it makes me willing to do anything you want."

Ren smiled. "Anything?"

Hux nodded. "Yes, anything," Hux answered as he kissed Ren.

'God, I love him so much! I don't deserve him. He's just, wonderful and amazing, and just...just...EVERYTHING!"

Ren pulled away from Hux's lips. "Are you sure you have time? I mean, I know you have to get to the bake-"

"Just shut up and kiss me!"

'Anything you command my king.'

***

Ren decided to tag along with Hux to the bakery. "I'll just sit in the corner and do school work," Ren said as they walked in.

"All right, but you don't have to stay all day," Hux reminded him.

"I know," Ren replied as he kissed Hux on the cheek. "But I WANT to." Ren made his way to the corner booth and sat down to work.

Hux smiled and shook his head and went to the back.

Ren watched Hux as he went through the day. 'He's so cute the way he deals with customers. I know he doesn't like doing it, but you can't tell with how nice he is to everyone who comes in. Even the hipsters who come in, he's still polite to. Glad I don't have to deal with people in that way.'

It was late when Hux closed, but Ren had already made arrangements with Luke to come over afterward. Hux closed up shop and they took the short drive out to Luke's.

"Good to see you again!" Luke said as he hugged Hux again.

'Hahaha he just grins and bears it. It's kind of adorable.'

"So, Ren says you're interested in finding your own spirit animal."

"Yes sir," Hux answered a little hesitantly.

"All right, well, there's no time to waste. Ren get my bong from the closet."

"Wait, this is going to require drugs?"

Ren came back over with the bong. "Yeah, you have to let your mind be altered in order to enter a realm where you spirit animal can manifest itself to you."

Hux took a nervous breath. "I've never done drugs before," he whispered.

"Are you kidding me?! How have you NEVER gotten high before? I took my first hit when I was like twelve."

"No need to make fun Ren," Luke said brining over three yoga mats. "This is a very special and sacred time for Hux." Luke set the mats down so all three could face each other. "Gentlemen, have a seat." Hux and Ren sat down. Ren took Hux's hand as they sat there. "Now, tonight, you will be taking a very special journey away from the physical world."

Ren squeezed Hux's hand encouragingly. 'This is it! I hope he's ready.'

"If you are committed to finding your true spirit animal tonight, you will need to clear your mind, your body, and soul of all negative energies," Luke said looking right at Hux. "Try your best to be open and trust that the 'right' animal spirit guide will present itself to you. Can you trust that Mother Earth and Father Sky will help guide you to this knowledge?"

Hux nodded. "Yes."

"Very good," Luke said as he began placing crystals around both Hux and Ren. "These jewels each hold special powers. Every gem that came from Mother Earth has been imbued with a purpose and reason. Call out to our Mother Earth and Father Sky, to the four directions, North, East, South, and West. Invite them to join us here tonight."

Ren looked over at Hux. 'He is SO not into this. It's okay, once we get going he'll find his spirit animal and then he'll see.'

Luke continued his monologue. "Sit with your back straight. This will help the energy flow uninterrupted. Allow your body to release all tension, beginning right above the top of your head and then slowly moving down until all negativity and stress flow out through your feet and into Mother Earth. Ask her to take the ill feelings from your soul."

Luke filled the bong with water and then the pipe with cannabis. "I can still fill your hesitancy, Hux," Luke said. "Close your eyes and breath deeply. Relax your body. Relax your mind."

Hux closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "It's okay Hux," Ren assured him. "I'm right here. I'll be right beside you the whole time." Still with his eyes closed, Hux nodded and continued to take deep, controlled breaths.

"Now, a few instructions before we begin," Luke continued. "When you feel ready, invite your spirit animal to come forward. Don't be concerned if an animal doesn't come to you immediately. Take your time. Build trust with the universe around you. When an animal does appear, welcome it! Thank it for coming to you. Ask the animal you see if it is YOUR animal spirit guide."

"What do I do if it says yes?" Hux asked.

"Then ask what messages it has for you. Let them know you are seeking an honest message, even if it's a difficult one to understand."

"What if it says no?"

Luke was quiet for a moment. "Do NOT be afraid. Ask them why they have come to you then, if they perhaps have a message for you. Do NOT allow them to come closer. Call out for your TRUE spirit guide. They will come to you to protect you. Once you have your spirit animal there, ask for their message. When your spirit animal is finished delivering its messages, ask if there is anything you can do for it in return."

"What could I possibly do for them in return?" Hux asked skeptically.

"Perhaps they will ask for a more open mind, a willingness to have faith in Mother Earth and Father Sky. Or perhaps simply to accept them as your spirit guide.

"When the time comes to depart you will sense the session nearing its conclusion. Thank your spirit animal for showing up and tell him or her, honestly, if you will integrate its message into your life.

"As you are comfortable, return to the physical world. Thank the four directions, Mother Earth, and Father Sky and release their energies back into the universe around you." Luke paused here. "Can you follow these instructions Hux?"

Hux nodded. "Yes."

"Then let us begin. You may open your eyes." Both Ren and Hux did so. "Have you ever used cannabis before?"

"No sir," Hux answered.

"Ren will show you how to use the bong. I will remain as a watcher. Ren, you may start."

Ren took a deep breath and lit the pipe. The water bubbled and smoke appeared in the chamber. Ren put his lips inside the mouthpiece as he removed the pipe. The smoke billowed up and Ren sucked it in. He put the downstream back in its place and exhaled. He handed it to Hux.

"Think you can do it?"

"Doesn't look that difficult," Hux replied. He followed Ren's movements as exactly as he could and exhaled. He passed it back to Ren. They smoked in silence until the weed was no more than ash.

"Very good," Luke praised as he moved the bong away. "Now, you can begin your journey."

Ren smiled. 'What will I ask the falcon? What do I need answers about? I'll seek his wisdom. Ask him to guide me.'

Ren closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He heard Hux doing the same. They sat there for another hour in silence.

Ren opened his eyes first. He had spoken with the falcon and he felt right about the direction his life was taking. He held Hux's hand, waiting for him to open his eyes.

Hux finally opened his eyes, taking quick quivering breaths.

Ren squeezed his hand. "You okay?"

Hux nodded. "Yeah, I'm...excellent." Hux smiled at Ren. "I feel good."

Ren smiled. "Good."

"I hope the journey was enlightening," Luke said.

Hux smiled at him. "It was. Thank you Luke. I...I learned a lot. Thank you."

All three of them stood up. Ren giggled.

"Everything all right Ren?" Luke asked.

Ren covered his mouth with one hand. "Yeah, Hux is just so adorable."

'Hehehe I like him. I like him a lot.'

"It's probably best that I take you boys home instead of letting you drive," Luke suggested.

Hux shook his head. "I think I'll be all right."

"I don't think I'd feel right about letting you drive."

Ren giggled again. "I can drive."

"YOU most certainly can't," Hux said. "I think I'll be all right."

"No, I'm calling a cab," Luke said. "And that's final."

Ren out right laughed this time. "Final, kind of sounds like anal." And he laughed even harder.

"Definitely calling a cab," Luke said as he went to the phone.

The cab dropped Ren home first.  
"So, you find your spirit animal?" Ren asked as he got out of the cab and stood there for a moment, hanging on the door.

Hux smiled. "I did. Thank you for taking me Ren, it was a truly wonderful experience." Hux kissed him. "I took tomorrow off, so, you can come over tomorrow whenever you've sobered up."

Ren tried to suppress a giggle, but failed. "Okay. Night, my Hux."

"Good night, Ren." Hux closed the door as Ren walked up to the front of his house. He unlocked the door and snuck in as quietly as he could.

"Benjamin Organa Solo!" came his father's stern voice.

Ren closed the door and turned around. Han and Leia were sitting on the couch.

Ren smiled. "Hi Daddy. Hi Mommy."

"Where in the Hell have you been?"  
Ren bit his top lip in thought. He then shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I spoke with Father Sky and asked him to let me speak with the falcon."

"What in the Hell are you talking about? Are you high?"

'They say all teenagers scare the living shit out of me. I haven't heard that song in like, forever. Such a good song!' Ren started humming it under his breath.

"Are you even listening to a God Damn word I say?" 

Ren looked at Han. Apparently he'd been ignoring him. Han was standing right in front of him now.

Ren put his hand to his dad's chest and took a step back. "Whoa, personal space there, pops."

"I am SO done with your shit. You're grounded!"

Ren burst with laughter. "Are you fucking kidding me?! I'm twenty years old! You can't GROUND me!" Ren wiped away tears from laughing so hard.

"You live in MY house, then you will do as I say-"

"No Dad, I won't," Ren said still smiling. "Because I'm a FUCKING adult!"

'Hehehe I AM fucking. That's hilarious!'

Ren continued to say out loud, "And I can do as I Damn well please. And right now, it PLEASES me to go to my room." Ren tried to push past Han, but Han pushed him back.

"Oh no you don't. You can get the Hell out right now."

"Han!" Leia shouted.

"I mean it!" Han yelled. "I'm done with your angsty teenage mentality. I'm through with you coming home high off your ass. I'm finished with you attempting to poison my son and daughter with your drug use and hippie shit!"

Ren felt his high start coming down as his rage began to rise. "Your SON!? Am I not your son too, DAD?!"

With his voice much softer, but still fueled with anger, "You're not the son you could have been."

Hot angry tears streamed down Ren's face. He couldn't stop it if he wanted to. "And YOUR not the father you SHOULD have been," Ren nearly whispered. "I wish to God that Luke had been my father!" he shouted. "Luke at least respects me, wants what's best for me. Loves me!"

"The man is a God Damn hippie! He doesn't know anything about what it really takes to be a father. The sacrifices you have to make."

"Oh please, don't start in on that again," Ren rolled his eyes. "Maybe if you could've kept it in your pants you'd have spared yourself this God awful life! You never wanted it! You never wanted me!"

Nearly getting in Ren's face Han said, "You're damn straight I didn't! I BEGGED your mother not to go through with it, to have it taken care of!"

"Han!" Leia shouted as she stood. 

Ren's mouth dropped open as he stared at his father in shock. 'I knew it. He hates me for taking away his precious future. He never wanted me! He's never LOVED me!'

Through tears, Ren softly said, "Fine, since you never WANTED me in your life, I'll get out of it."

"Ben, you're not going anywhere," Leia said as she moved toward him.

Ren shook his head. "I'm sorry Mom." He looked at Han and said, "I guess you're happy now." Ren turned and walked out the front door.

"Ben, no!" his mother shouted. Ren slammed the door behind him and walked away. His car was still at Luke's so he walked.

He knocked against Hux's apartment door. It took a minute or two, but Hux finally answered. He rubbed at his eyes. "Ren? What are you doing here?"

Ren began sobbing. "I'm sorry Hux, I didn't know where else to go-"

Hux quickly pulled him into his arms and brought him inside. He closed and locked the door, then lead Ren to the couch.

'I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have come here! I didn't know what else to do! Please just hold me Hux!'

As though he could read his very thoughts, Hux cradled Ren in his arms. He stroked his hair as he shushed him. He didn't ask any questions, he simply let Ren release all of his tears onto his bare chest.  
Some time later, Ren's sobs had turned to slight sniffles.

"Want to tell me what happened, beloved? You don't have to if you don't want to-"

"Han kicked me out," Ren blurted. Feeling his body ready to be racked with more hysterical sobbing he continued with, "He said he never wanted me! That he begged Mom to get rid of me!"

"What?!"

"I was just a mistake to him!" Ren shouted as he buried his face into Hux's chest. Hux pulled him tighter. "He never even wanted me! He blames me for ruining his life!"

"I want you Ren. He doesn't matter. THIS matters." Hux pulled away and pulled Ren's face to him. There were tears in his eyes too. "YOU are NOT a mistake. And I praise Mother Earth and Father Sky and any other Gods who might hear, that your mother convinced him to let her keep you. Is tusa mo dhomhan, m’fhíorghrá! You. Are. NOT. A. Mistake! Do you hear me?!" Not trusting his voice, Ren nodded.  
"Look at me Ren." He did so. "I love you. And every day I love you more. I need you here with me."

Ren sniffled. "You're so needy," he joked.

Hux laughed and pulled Ren to him again.

"Would it be all right if I stay here for a bit? I'll sleep on the couch and I swear it'll be temporary-"

"You'll sleep in bed with me, Ren, no question of it. And you can stay as long as you like."

Exhausted from the emotions he'd had, Ren drowsily asked, "Forever?"

"If that is what you wish, Acushla. If that is what you wish."

Ren fell asleep as he whispered, "Thank you."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To try and cheer Ren up, Hux invites Rey over, but gets more than he bargained for. Ren and Hux discuss their new livong arrangement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about updating a little late this weekend. My sister is in town and we had of family events going on. But here it is! Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Gailec terms:  
> Achushla: Darling  
> Póg mo thóin: Kiss my ass  
> M’fhíorghrá, codladh sáhm: My true love, codladh sáhm

Chapter 11

Hux woke the next day still on the sofa with Ren. He groaned, feeling his neck and back stiffen from having slept in such an awful position all night with Ren's weight on top of him. He tried to move, but he heard Ren starting to stir every time he made the slightest adjustment to his position. Hux didn't want to wake Ren, but he needed to get up.  
"Ren, darling, I need you to move." Ren just sighed in his sleep and snuggled in closer to Hux.

Hux decided there was no time to be delicate. He gently began to move Ren away to the other side of the sofa, but Ren clung tighter. "Don't leave me," he mumbled in his sleep.

Hux sighed. He would have to wake his angel. "Ren, wake up." He gave him a good hard shake.

Ren sat up immediately. "Yeah Mom, I'm up."

"It's me Ren," Hux said kindly, touching Ren's cheek. "You came over last night, remember?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah, I remember," he answered glumly.

"You sleep all right?"

"Yeah," was all Ren said in response.

"I've got to pee, I'll be right back." Hux kissed his cheek and moved to get up, but Ren clutched tightly to his hand. He quickly let go.

"Sorry Hux, I...I just don't want to be alone."

"Just one minute beloved, and then I'll be back." Hux moved off the sofa and to the bathroom. He did as he promised and was back in nearly a whole minute. As he entered the living room, his heart shattered. Ren was still on the sofa, but he was in the corner, curled up in the fetal position. Hux came and sat beside him again. He put a hand on Ren's back and rubbed it gently without saying a word.

"Why would he say something like that?" Ren begged to know. Hux had no answers, so he just listened. "How could someone tell someone else they wished they were dead before they were even born? What kind of monster says that to their child?"

Hux thought about his own father. As a child, Hux was never good enough for him, but even The Colonel would never have said that to him. He, however, had other ways of making him feel like he was an unwanted child.

"This is a disgrace!" Brendol shouted at Hux. Hux kept his head down, refusing to meet his father's eyes. "Do you know how it looks to have the only child of Colonel Brendol Hux failing a class?!"

"I'm not failing Colonel!" Hux argued. "Last I checked a B- was still a passing grade."

Brendol backhanded him. "Don't take that tone with me boy! You will go to your teacher tomorrow and you will find out what you can do to bring that grade up."

"But Sergeant Carson HATES me," Hux complained.

"I don't care! You will do whatever you need to get that grade up."

"Colonel-"

"I don't care if you have to blow him! You will get that grade up! Do you understand me?"

"Yes sir."

Hux ignored this memory that crept in. He pushed it to the back of his mind and focused on Ren.

"What do you need me to do for you? Please tell me," Hux begged.

Ren turned and wrapped his arms around Hux, burying himself in his chest. "Just hold me, please!" Tears had returned to Ren's eyes. Hux pulled Ren to him as tightly as he could.

He stroked Ren's hair as he whispered, "Oh my love, I wish I could take this pain from you. I would gladly bear it myself if it meant you wouldn't be forced to feel it."

"I HATE him," Ren said through gritted teeth. "But I love him," he added, softer. "That's why it hurts so much. I still love him and I want him to love me."

Hux kissed the top of his head and whispered, "I know. I know." They stayed like this for some time until Ren's crying subsided. "I'm going to make us something to eat. All right?" Hux suggested.

Ren shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

"I'm not going to allow you to do that."

"Do what?"

"Allow yourself to wallow in your depression," Hux explained. "You're going to eat, it's as simple as that."  
Hux pulled away from Ren and stood up.

Ren sighed. "Fine," he moped.

Milicent walked into the room. Hux picked her up and set her next to Ren. "Pet the cat, that always makes me feel better." He then made his way to the kitchen. He sighed and took out Ren's phone from his pocket. He stole it while he wasn't looking so he could steal Rey's number, but it took him forever to find it. Apparently Ren didn't put a person's ACTUAL name in his phone. There were names like 'Left Seat English' and 'The Jalapeno'. Hux wondered what his was and wasn't in the least surprised when he found it under Gingerbread. He rolled his eyes.  
"This will be more difficult than I thought," he mumbled to himself.

He looked at his most recent messages. He had a long conversation with 'My Sunshine'.

"That HAS to be Rey. Ren and his awful puns." Hux quickly memorized the number and texted it from his phone.

'Is this Rey?'

'That depends on who YOU are?'

'This is Hux.'

'Well hey handsome! What's up?'

Hux felt his face flush. Apparently Rey was the type to use endearing terms with EVERYONE she met.

'Ren's dad kicked him out last night. Was hoping you could come by and try to cheer him up?'

'Oh no! Of course I can! Give me your address.'

Hux sent his address to her. Though he wanted her to cheer Ren up, he somehow wondered if it was a mistake to ask her.

'I'll be over ASAP'

'Thank you.'

'No probs! See you soon!'

Hux sighed as he put his phone in his pocket. He quickly made a few turkey sandwiches and brought them out on a plate.

He smiled when he saw that Ren was indeed snuggling with Milicent. She didn't seem to mind in the least, which was quite evident from her loud pur.

"Looks like you two are becoming fast friends," Hux observed as he sat next to Ren, putting the plate of sandwiches on the coffee table.

Ren shrugged. "What can I say? Gingers just seem to like me."

Hux laughed and shook his head. "Oh, you left this in the kitchen," Hux said as he handed Ren's phone to him.

"Did I? I don't remember even going in there."

Hux shrugged this time. "Well, that's where I found it." He handed a sandwich to Ren and forced Millicent to the floor. "Now, you need to eat."

Ren begrudgingly accepted the sandwich. He took a bite and his face lite up. "Oh my God! How is it you can take something as simple as a fucking sandwich and make it taste like it's gourmet?!"

Hux shook his head with a chortle. "You flatter me far too much."

"It's not flattery if it's true," Ren replied with a mouth full of sandwich.

"You are far too kind."

Ren closed his eyes as he sank his teeth into another bite. "This is SO damn good."

"Glad you enjoy it," Hux said as he leaned back on the sofa.

"Aren't you going to eat?"

Hux shook his head. "I'll eat later-"

"I don't think so," Ren interrupted. "If you're gonna make ME eat, I'm gonna make YOU eat." He tore off a piece of his sandwich and handed it to Hux.

"Really Ren-"

"We're not going through this again," Ren warned. "Eat now."

Hux took the piece and popped it in his mouth. "You're bossy."

Ren shrugged. "Only when I know I'm right."

Hux rolled his eyes. Ren picked up another sandwich and handed it to Hux. "You're not going to relent, are you?"

Ren smiled. "Nope." Hux reluctantly accepted the sandwich. Ren picked up another for himself. "These REALLY are amazing."

Hux just rolled his eyes and finished his sandwich. Ren finished his and snuggled into Hux again. Hux played with his hair and kissed the top of his head.

"Thank you," Ren whispered.

"For what?" Hux asked confused.

"Just everything. Letting me stay. Making sure I eat." Ren looked up at Hux. "For taking care of me, thank you."

Hux smiled. "Acushla, I would do anything for you. I simply wish I could give you more."

"You already give me so much Hux," Ren replied. "I don't think I'll ever be able to pay you back." Ren started kissing Hux's neck nibbling gently at his adam's apple. 

Hux moaned tilting his head back to give Ren better access. "Good God Ren! You don't have to do that."

Ren just kept nibbling and sucking as his answer. Hux felt like he could melt every time Ren did this. It felt so wonderful. "Ren, maybe we shouldn't do this right now," Hux said, trying to breath.

"And why's that?" Ren asked as he moved up to Hux's ear and nibbled on it.

Hux closed his eyes in ecstasy and let out another moan. "Ren, we...shouldn't. Not now."

"Uh-hu," Ren replied, not letting up on Hux's ear.

"Ren-" Just then, the doorbell rang. Ren pulled away.

"Are you expecting company?" Ren asked.

Hux bit his bottom lip. "I may have actually stolen Rey's number from your phone and asked her to come over to help cheer you up."

Ren looked Hux in the eyes and smiled. "Really? You did that for me?" He leaned in a kissed Hux gently. "You really are too good for me."

The doorbell rang again. "I'll get it," Hux said as he stood. He went to the door and answered it.

"Hey!" Rey shouted as Hux opened the door.

"Thank you for coming," Hux said politely.

"It's not a problem," Rey replied as she stepped inside. Just then, Hux realized that Poe and another man were there too. "Oh Hux, you've met Poe already. I'd also like you to meet my boyfriend Finn."

Finn stepped in after Rey and offered his hand. "It's nice to meet you."

Hux felt his heart pounding. He hadn't expected anyone else other than Rey. He accepted Finn's firm grip. "You as well." Hux was also confused. He thought Poe was her boyfriend.

Poe came in next. "Hey Huxy," Poe said as he clapped his hand to his shoulder. "Good to see you again. I brought booze," he said as he walked over to Ren and placing the 18-pack of beer on the coffee table.  
Ren stood up.

"Hey guys!" He gave each of them a strong embrace.

"So, tell me what happened?" Rey said, concern covering her face. She sat down on the sofa pulling Ren down to sit next to her.

Ren sighed. "Dad and I got into a fight and then he kicked me out."

"You guys have fought before," Rey mentioned. "How was this any different?"

Ren looked away. "He said some things that didn't really sit well with me."

"Come on Renny," Poe said. "You know you guys will make up. You always do."

Ren shook his head. "Not this time."

"Well, let's have a couple of beers and relax," Poe suggested as he opened the pack and started handing them out. "You got a fridge I can put these in?"

"I'll take it," Hux offered. He took the remaining beers and went to the kitchen. He put the pack in the fridge and stood there for a moment. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing. He knew he needed to slow it down, but there were strangers in his flat! He didn't know what they might do! What kind of people they were! But he knew Ren trusted them. He had to remind himself of that and put faith in Ren's judgement of character. He took several deep breaths and then chugged a beer. He grabbed another from the fridge before he went back to the living room.

Ren and Rey were still sitting on the sofa together. Poe had sat himself on the floor by Ren's feet. Finn remained standing.

"You have a cat?!" Rey said excitedly as Millicent walked around the coffee table.

"That's Milli," Hux answered.

"Oh, she's so beautiful! Come here kitty."

Millicent backed away as Rey reached for her. She hissed and dashed away. "She can be very particular about who she lets touch her."

"She was fine with me," Ren said. "But, gingers have a thing for me." He drank from his beer.

Hux smiled to himself. He was realizing he didn't care much for Rey's personality. So, he was a little glad that Millicent hadn't taken to her.

"Would you like a chair Finn?" Hux asked.

"Nah, I'm all right," he answered. "Thanks."

"So, what's in store for you now?" Poe asked. "I mean, not living at Han and Leia's, doesn't that put a damper on work and shit?"

Ren sighed. "I don't know. I guess I'll keep going to work until he kicks me out there too."

"So, are you staying here then?" Rey asked.

"For as long as he needs," Hux answered for him.

Ren smiled. "Thanks babe." Hux felt his face flush. He REALLY hated when Ren called him that. "Oh hey, by the way, you never told me what your spirit animal was," Ren said as he finished his beer.

"You never asked."

"You went to Luke to find your spirit animal?!" Rey asked excitedly. "When did this happen? What was it?"

"We went yesterday," Hux answered the one question. He had no interest in divulging to these strangers what animal guide came to him.

"What was your animal?" Poe asked.

Hux cleared his throat. "That is between me and Mother Earth and Father Sky."

"I'm still trying to convince Poe to do it," Rey said.

"Yeah, good luck with that," Poe replied as he finished his beer. He stood up. "I'm gonna grab another one. Anyone else want one?"

"Sure," Ren answered.

"I'm barely half way through this one," Rey said.

"I'm good," Finn replied.

"I'll get them," Hux offered as he made his way to the kitchen. He needed to get away from everyone any way. His heart was still beating wildly and he was breaking out in a cold sweat. Hux made himself breath deeply as he stood by the fridge. He took a few more breaths and then got the beers out of the fridge. When he came back into the living room, Poe was now on the sofa next to Ren, with his arm around his shoulders. He quietly handed them both their drinks.

"Thanks man," Poe said.

Ren smiled up at Hux as he accepted it. "Thanks."

"You're very welcome," Hux replied as he grabbed the empty beer cans and took them to the kitchen garbage. Hux was used to being a host and having strangers in his home. His father was a high ranking military officer and had small gatherings quite often.

"Could you use a refill on your martini sir?" Hux asked a Captain he didn't recognise, but that was typical for the parties his father held.

"Yes, thank you Armitage," the man replied. Hux took his glass and went to the kitchen to refill the glass. Hux had been mixing and pouring drinks since he was eleven. Hux laughed to himself as he thought, perhaps he should become a bartender when he was older. He filled the glass and returned it to the unfamiliar Captain.

Hux was about to turn around when he felt a large hand on his shoulder. He didn't have to look, he knew it was his father.

Brendol leaned closer and whispered to him, "I want to see you in my study NOW!"

"Yes Colonel," Hux replied as he followed his father to his study down the hall. The walk to his father's study always felt like a final march. His father opened the door and ushered Hux inside. As soon as Brendol had closed the door, he backhanded him.

Hux braced himself against the desk, to keep himself from falling to the floor from the sure force of his father's slap. His cheek stung. He grabbed it and looked back at his father. "What did I do?" Hux begged to know. He didn't always know why his father's wrath fell upon him, but he always knew there was a justifiable reason for it. He racked his brain to figure out how he could have possibly stepped out of line this time.

"How dare you disgrace the Hux name the way you have tonight? I brought you up to be a gentleman!"

Hux was still confused. "Please sir, tell me what I did wrong?" he begged.

"Look at you! You're sloppy! Untucked! And the way you were avoiding your duties as a host were unbearable!"

"But I didn't-" Hux tried to explain, but he only received a fist to the jaw.

"Don't you dare try and tell me you've done nothing wrong. This is all your mother's fault, the way she coddled you and convinced you that you could do no wrong," Brendol carried on as he took his belt off.

"Please father, not the belt," Hux begged as he tried to hold back tears.

This made Brendol flick the belt at Hux's face, leaving a small gash on his right cheek. "You know better than to call me father. You're not a child any more Armitage! You know the rules."

"I'm sorry sir, it won't happen again," Hux replied, refusing to look at his father because of the tears that had slipped away.

"You're right it won't. Assume the position," Brendol instructed forcefully.

Hux leaned over the side of the desk, dropped his pants and spread his legs. He waited there against the desk with his pants around his ankles. He closed his eyes, waiting for the first hit. Brendol struck his ass five times and then said, "You will behave like a proper gentleman, now, won't you boy?"

Tears stung at the corners of his eyes. "Yes sir."

Brendol hit him five more times. Hux was used to his father's discipline, but it still hurt excruciatingly. "Get dressed," Brendol instructed. Hux pushed himself from the desk and pulled his pants back up. Brendol forced him to turn around and face him. He grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. "You will be silent for the rest of the night unless spoken to. You will remain at my side so I can monitor you and make certain you do not do anything more to disgrace our family name. Is that understood?"

"Yes sir," Hux quivered out.

Brendol released him. "Good, now get cleaned up. I don't want our guests to see you in this manner." Brendol turned on his heel and left.

Hux tried not to think about his father, but having unexpected guests was making the memories resurface. He tried to calm down, but nothing was working.

He called Phasma. He knew she was at the bakery, but he needed to get himself centered and Phasma was the only one to do it. She answered on the second ring.

"Hux?" she sounded confused.

"I think I'm having an attack. Ren's here and he brought his friends over and I don't know them and I just keep thinking about Colonel and his dinner parties and things and-"

"Hux, Love, you need to breath," Phasma reminded him.

Tears pricked the edge of his eyes. "I can't. I just can't."

"I'm closing the shoppe and I'll be right over."

"No, Phasma, you don't-"

"I don't give a damn about the shoppe! I'll be over in twenty minutes. Do you think you can hold on that long?" Hux didn't answer, his head swimming. "Hux!?"

"Yes, yes, I'll be fine," he finally said.

"Good, I'll be there as soon as I can." Phasma hung up.

Hux hadn't realised when it had happened, but he was sitting on the floor, his knees pulled in close to his chest. He hoped no one would come looking for him while he tried to gain control of himself. He stood up, knowing he needed to be a good host and entertain his guests. He took several deep breaths and went back to the living room. Ren still sat on the sofa between Rey and Poe, but he was laughing about something. He loved to see Ren laugh, especially when he knew he was in such pain.

Ren took a drink from his beer and looked up at Hux. "Hey you! Come here," he said as he offered his hand. Hux walked over to him and took his hand. Ren pulled him to him, forcing Hux to straddle his lap. "Where have you been?" Ren asked sweetly as he began kissing Hux's neck.

Hux felt his face flush. He didn't care to have other people watch him as he was being shown such intimate attention from his partner.  
"Ren-" he began as he tried to pull away, but Ren pulled him closer.

Poe got off the sofa and started wandering around the living room, acting as if he were actually interested in Hux's decor.

"Please Ren, your friends are in the room," Hux reminded him.

"They don't mind," Ren replied as he continued his work on Hux's neck. Hux knew he was going to have a hickey there later and he felt himself get angry about that. He hated it when Ren left them on him. It made him feel like he looked like a horny teenager who couldn't control himself.

"Ren, please," Hux asked as he again tried to pull away, but Ren held firm.

"God Ren," Rey said, "he obviously doesn't want you doing that. You should let him go."

Ren stopped and look at Rey. "Why don't you worry about YOUR relationships and I'LL worry about MINE?"

"Or, you can behave yourself like a civilized human being," Hux suggested as he pushed himself off of Ren's lap. Ren let him go this time, but he started pouting. Hux just rolled his eyes.

"So, you're kind of a bookish guy, aren't you Hux?" Poe asked as he started to check out the three large bookshelves Hux had in his flat.  
Hux felt like he was scrutinizing his taste in reading material. "I suppose you could say that," he answered.

"I don't think I've ever seen so many books on war in a single room before," Finn mentioned as he stood next to Poe, perusing the selection of books. Hux's breaths started coming in shorter. He was definitely feeling judged.

"Hey babe, you all right?" Ren asked.

"I'm fine," Hux replied. He realised that came out far angrier than he'd intended. Just then, the front door opened and Phasma walked in.

"Hux, Love I-" Phasma stopped short, staring at Rey.

"Phasma?" Rey asked.

"Rey? Really? What...what are YOU doing here?"

"I came to see Ren," Rey answered. "What are you doing...do you know Hux?"

"I have for a long time," Phasma said with a smile. "How do you know Ren?"

"Oh, we were practically betrothed," Rey answered.

"What?!" Hux said in shock.

"Hux, Love, can I see you alone?" Phasma grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to his room. Phasma closed the door behind them as she made Hux sit on the bed. She knelt down in front of him, placing her hands on his knees.  
"Hux, look at me. Both eyes. Look at me," she ordered.

Hux's breaths were short and shallow, but he did what he was told. Without saying a word, he followed Phasma's instructions perfectly. He breathed in when she did and released it along with her. They did this for several minutes, no other sound between them.  
"Now, slowly, tell me what happened."

Hux took another deep breath before he spoke. "I asked Rey over to help cheer up Ren...how do you know her?"

Phasma shrugged. "We dated for a short while about two years ago."

"I don't recall that."

Phasma shook her head. "Of course not, you were too consumed with the lose of DJ, you couldn't be bothered with much outside of yourself at the time."

Hux felt tears filling his eyes. "I'm sorry. I've been such a shite friend," Hux said angrily as he slipped into his less commonly used Irish accent.

"It's not important now. What happened next?"

Hux took several breaths to get it steadied. "When she showed, she'd brought her boyfriend and roommate. It all spiralled after that."

Phasma chuckled. "I hate to tell you this Love, but both those gents are her boyfriends."

"What?"

"Rey believes in poly relationships. That's why it didn't work between us. I may be a hussy, but I still believe in monogamy," Phasma answered.

Hux shook his head. "And what does she mean they were betrothed?"

"Can't answer that for you, Love, you'd have to ask them."

Hux sighed. He didn't want to think of Ren as having been with anyone else. Though, he knew that wasn't fair since he himself had had a number of partners prior to Ren coming into his life. He'd been sexually active since he was 15, it shouldn't have bothered him, the idea of Ren being with someone else. But it did. Hux wondered to himself if it only bothered him because it was Rey.

"I think I've got myself centered now," Hux said, using his typical British accent. Brendol had forced him to take speech lessons when he was young.

"No son of mine is going to sound like a drunkard," he'd said as he introduced him to his first speech teacher.

"But Dad, this is 'ow I sound?" an 8 year old Hux whined. He didn't want to take more lessons of any kind. He wanted to be with his ailing mother.

Brendol boxed his ears. "I told you, you are too old to call me that. From now on it's sir or Colonel. Is that understood?"

Hux frowned. "Yes father. Sir! I mean Colonel! Sir!" But it was too late, Brendol boxed only his left ear this time, but it still left Hux disoriented. He grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him into the study.

Hux was finally on balance now. Phasma always seemed to help him find himself again. He never wanted Ren to see him like this. "Think you can go out there now without any problems?" Phasma asked him kindly.

Hux nodded. "I think so." Phasma stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet. They walked out to the living room together.

Rey was now by the front door with Finn, vigorously making out. While Ren still sat on the sofa, with Poe once again. This time he was sitting closer to Ren than Hux cared for. He felt his blood boil. He didn't like Rey much and he was starting to not care for her choice in boyfriends either.

Ren stood up and went to Hux. He wrapped his arms around him and whispered, "You okay babe?"

Hux could smell the alcohol on his breath. He had no idea how many beers he'd drank while they were gone and it smelled like they had gotten into some harder liquor as well.

"I'm fine Ren," Hux answered as coolly as he could muster.

"Poe brought some bourbon," Ren mentioned as he held Hux a little tighter. "If you'd like some."

"I don't drink bourbon," Hux said almost disgusted at the thought.

"Yes," Phasma said, "he would never stoop so low. It has to be scotch or Irish whiskey." Phasma moved away from them and into the living room.

Ren put his mouth to Hux's ear and whispered, "You're sure you're okay?"

"Yes Ren, I'm just fine," Hux answered as pulled away so he could look him in eyes. "Are YOU okay?"

Ren smiled. "Never been better." He grabbed Hux's hand and dragged him into the living room with him. He sat on the sofa again and pulled Hux to his lap. He nuzzled his neck, but he didn't kiss him.

Rey and Phasma were catching up now, as though no time had passed between them. Hux watched the scene with interest. What he wanted most was for Ren to be okay. He held Hux tightly.

"Thank you," Ren said to him quietly.

Hux looked at him confused. "For what?"

"For being there for me and trying to cheer me up and for just being you."

Hux smiled at him. "Well, I do my best."

"You ARE the best."

Hux blushed. "If that is what you see, then that is what you see."

Ren pulled Hux closer and whispered, "You know, we could sneak off for a moment. Everyone else is busy doing other things, I'm sure no one would notice if we were gone for a few minutes."

"Everyone will be gone soon enough, Acushla," Hux whispered back. "Then we will have the rest of the night together, just us." He kissed him on the nose and curled into Ren's embrace.

Everyone stayed for a few more hours. Ren sobered up and then drank more, keeping himself in a buzzed and slightly tipsy state throughout the night. Finn mostly kept to himself while Poe seemed to be everywhere trying to talk to everyone. Phasma and Rey continued talking to each other about where their lives had taken them in the last two years and Ren held Hux in his arms on the sofa.

"We really should get going," Rey finally said.

"Thanks for coming over," Ren replied.

"It's not a problem. Call or text me tomorrow," Rey order sternly but with a smile.

"I should go too," Phasma added.

"Well, why don't you come back to our place?" Poe suggested. "Maybe we could all get a little friendlier. You, me, and Rey," he said with a wink.

Phasma smiled back at him. "Oh aren't you just darling," she said as she moved closer to him. "Actually, there's something I would like to do with JUST you," she said seductively.

Poe's brows perked with interest. "Yeah? And what's that?"

Phasma gently placed her hands on his shoulders and then forcefully kneed him in the crotch. Poe doubled over in pain.

Ren covered his mouth with his hand. He was trying to suppress a laugh. "Did she really just-" Ren asked but Hux interrupted.

"Phasma really doesn't care to be propositioned by complete strangers."

Poe stood up, taking deep breaths. "Yep, I deserved that. Oh fuck. Um, I'm gonna head out to the car. Good to see you Renny. And it was nice to meet you again Huxy."

"Later Poe," Ren replied, still trying his damnedest not to laugh at his friends expense. Poe went out the front door.

"It was really nice to meet you, Hux," Finn said. "See ya, Ren."

"Take care."

Phasma and Rey said their good byes as well and followed Finn out.

Hux looked at Ren. "Feeling any better?"

Ren smiled. "Yeah, I am, thank you." Ren nuzzled into Hux's neck.

Hux smirked. "You're OBVIOUSLY feeling more like yourself."

Ren kept nuzzling the flesh just below his jaw, but didn't put his lips on it, which was driving Hux mad. He wanted Ren's lush lips pressed to every inch of his skin.

"Hux, I promise I won't stay here long. I'll find my own place as soon as I-"

"Don't be ridiculous Ren!" Hux cut him off. "I WANT you here. To be able to fall asleep next to you every night would be a gift. I always find myself reaching for you in the middle of the night. I want you by my side always."

Ren looked up at Hux and said, "If that's what you want."

"It's not about what I want," Hux replied as he shifted himself so he know faced Ren, straddling his lap. "This is about what YOU want. It's always been about what YOU want. What YOU'RE comfortable with. If I'd had MY way I'd have fucked you the first day I met you. But we have to do this at YOUR pace. Do you understand?"

Ren nodded. "I WANT to stay here with you Hux, but I don't want to be a burden-"

"Having you in my life could never be a burden," Hux replied with a smile.

"If you're sure," Ren began, "then I'd like to stay here with you."

"You're not just saying that because it's what I want?" Hux questioned.

Ren smiled and shook his head. "Being able to lay down with you every night... just sounds amazing."

Hux leaned forward and kissed Ren. He wanted this kiss to translate everything he was thinking and feeling at that moment. Ren pulled away first.  
"You never told me. What was your spirit animal?"

Hux shifted his gaze away. "I don't know if it worked."

"What do you mean?" Ren asked in concern.

"I...I just...I don't know, Ren. The answer was just weird."

"What was it?" Ren begged to know, bursting with excitement.

Hux felt exasperated as he met Ren's eyes. "A snake."

"A snake?"

"Yes, a creepy crawly snake."

"Snakes don't crawl, they slither," Ren corrected. Hux grabbed the closest throw pillow and hit Ren upside the head with it. Ren laughed as he tried to block the blow. "I was just pointing out a fact."

Hux sighed. "I just don't think it was right."

"You don't think it was or you don't WANT it to be?" Ren asked.

Hux thought on it. "It just doesn't make sense!"

"Did you ask if it had a message for you?"

Hux nodded. "He said...I needed to let go."

"Of what?"

"The past," Hux answered quietly.  
He knew the snake was the perfect spirit animal for him. It made sense! Shedding its skin to become whole again. It's what Hux had wanted for some time, to transform into something new, different from the life he'd been expected to lead.

"And you're sure he wasn't your spirit guide?" Ren questioned.

Hux locked eyes with Ren. "No, he was. I was fooling myself trying to believe otherwise."

Ren leaned forward and kissed Hux. He then stood up, keeping Hux in his arms. "What are you doing Ren?" Hux demanded, even as he wrapped his legs tightly around his waist.

"You said after everyone was gone," he reminded him as he carried him to the bedroom. Ren dropped him on the bed and peeled off his own shirt and tank.

"Ren, you're still tipsy," Hux offered kindly. "Right now is probably not a good time."

"But honeypot?!" Ren whined.

This made Hux roar with laughter. "What was that?" He wiped away tears. "Where did that even come from?"

Ren just chuckled with a smile. "From me." He fell on top of Hux and began kissing him. Ren was still sloppy when it came to kissing, but Hux didn't mind. He wrapped his arms around Ren and tried to pull him as close as he could.

Hux pulled away and said, "Ren, what did Rey mean that you were betrothed?" Ren looked confused. "Earlier, when Rey was telling Phasma how you knew each other."

The light seemed to finally go off. "Oh, right." Ren laughed. "We were never ACTUALLY engaged, unless you count the promise ring I gave her in middle school." Ren paused. "It really bothers you, doesn't it?"

Hux huffed. "No, most certainly not."

Ren laid down on his side, beside Hux, his hand keeping his head propped up. "Rey and I have been neighbors since as long as I can remember." Ren laughed to himself as he recalled the memory. "I think it was the summer I was five. I went to play outside and I saw her through the slats of the fence. She was tall and scrawny, and just caked with dirt." Ren laid down and snuggled into Hux's side. Hux put his arm around Ren's shoulders as he continued his story. "Believe it or not, I was too shy to say hi to her. I just watched her as she continued digging in a patch of dirt. She finally saw me and she smiled and waved. I ran back into the house."

Hux laughed. "My fearless knight," he teased.

Ren smiled. "Shut up. I told you, I was shy. The next day I went out to play and paced along the fence until she came out. She saw me and immediately dashed over to the fence. She said 'Hi, I'm Rey.' I was pretty confused. I asked, 'like the sun?' and she just smiled and nodded."

Hux closed his eyes as he listened.  
"We became friends after that. Neither of us thought about asking permission to play with the other in our yards, so we played across the fence. We played catch over the fence and go fish through the slats." Ren laughed to himself. He was engrossed in his tale. "At one point, we stole kisses across the fence even. Uncle Luke would watch me while Mom and Dad worked and he finally caught on to why I kept asking to eat my lunch outside. We would do that so we could picnic together. Uncle Luke went next door to ask if Rey could come over to play. Her grandparents were thrilled she'd made a friend!"

"She was raised by her grandparents?" Hux questioned with real curiosity.

"Yeah, her parents died when she was like four." Ren tucked himself in closer to Hux, closing his eyes. "We were always together after that, completely inseparable. I've never had feelings for a girl before, but I knew she was my soulmate."

Hux nodded. He didn't much care for Rey, but he understood. "When we were in high school, everyone assumed we were dating." Ren chuckled. "Guess that explains why I didn't date much back then.

"I remember when we were about thirteen, we were at her house, listening to angsty rock music. She asked if she could kiss me."

"She asked your permission?" Hux said in disbelief.  
"She was scared it would end up hurting our friendship. I told her she could, so we stated making out. After a little while, I realized I just wasn't into it. Rey stopped and said 'Oh, I didn't realize you were gay. Okay.' and then she just cuddled with me. I hadn't realized it either. She came with me when I came out to my parents. She held my hand the whole time. My mom cried. Dad didn't speak to me for days."

Hux sighed. "I never came out to my parents. My mum died when I was little and I never had the strength to tell my dad. I knew that he would disown me." He scoffed at the thought. "Not that he didn't after my discharge from the army."

Ren looked up at Hux, now pulled out of his drowsiness. "You were in the military?"

"Have you never noticed my dog tags?"

Ren shrugged and laid his head back on Hux's chest. "I guess not."

"You're not very observant are you?" Hux teased.

"No," Ren answered as he closed his eyes again. "Why were you discharged?"

Hux didn't want to tell Ren he'd been medically discharged for his anxiety. "I'm gay remember? At the time, gays weren't allowed in the military. Don't ask, don't tell doesn't really work in your favor when you're caught sucking the dick of a superior officer."

Ren cringed. He didn't want to think of Hux doing that with anyone else.  
Ren was quiet for a moment. "Hux, what's your first name?"

Hux froze. They'd been fucking over a week now and he still hadn't told Ren his first name. "Does it matter?"

"No, I just-"

Hux quickly interrupted with a whispered answer through gritted teeth. "It'sArmitagebutifyouevercallmethatIwillkillyouwhereyoustand!"

Ren opened his eyes and shook his head. "What?"

"Did I stutter?"

"No, just...Armitage? It's an interesting name."

"It was a family name," Hux answered. "My dad wanted me to be like his great-great grandfather. Though I hit nowhere near the mark."

Ren laid his head back down and closed his eyes. "Well, I'm glad you are the way you are."

"I'm glad you're the way you are too Ren." He kissed the top of his head and started playing with his hair. "I wouldn't have you any other way." Ren's breathing slowed. He was drifting off to sleep. "Ren," Hux whispered. "M’fhíorghrá, codladh sáhm. I'll always try to be exactly what you need. Never less."

***

Hux hated leaving Ren in the morning. He tucked the blankets tightly around him and kissed his cheek. "I will see you soon beloved," he whispered and then left.

As was typical for Mondays, Phasma was already there by the time Hux had arrived.

"Morning, Love!" she called.

"Morning," Hux repeated.

"So, you didn't tell me why Ren needed cheering up last night. Everything all right?"

Hux shook is head. "His dad kicked him out."

"Oh no! Why?"

Hux shrugged. "He didn't get into the detail and I didn't push for them."

"So, he's just staying with you until he can find a place of his own?"

Hux grew quiet and but his bottom lip. "I kind of told him he could move in," he whispered.

"You what?! Are you mad?! You've been together all of what? A week?"

"It's been two," Hux defended.

"Hux, Love, do you really think that's a good idea? You've barely started dating!"

"Like you and Rose had been together long before YOU moved in together."

"We were together two MONTHS, not two WEEKS!" Phasma yelled back.

"Why does it bother you so much? You like Ren, don't you?"

"I don't KNOW Ren. And as far as that goes, neither do YOU!"

"Póg mo thóin!" Hux yelled. "I know Ren, how dare you say that!?"

"But you don't know him," Phasma argued. "And HE obviously doesn't know YOU! Does he know about your panic attacks? Can he help you through them while you're falling apart?"

Hux had a hard time breathing. "How FUCKING dare you!" Hux had angry tears in his eyes. "You! Have...no right! I...I!" Hux couldn't breath.

Phasma made him sit down and she held his face in her hands. "Breath Hux. The world isn't crashing around you. You're just having an argument with your best friend. You know everything will be okay. Breathe for me, Love." She put her forehead to his. "Just breathe."

"God Phasma, I love him! Maybe you're right." Hux's breaths were still short. "But I LOVE him! God, I'm such a FUCKING mess!" Hux tried to pull away, but Phasma held tightly to his face.

"I know, Hux, I know. And he's mad about you," Phasma reassured him. "He TRULY is! Breath my love, just breath."

They remained like that for some time. Hux mumbling to himself in Gaelic while Phasma reminded him to breath. He finally got to a point where he was breathing on his own, without Phasma coaching him. "Thank you," Hux said. "I think I'd be lost without you. You're the only true constant in my life."

Phasma smiled. "I've done what I can because I love you. I'm sorry I got so angry. I can't say I don't still believe it, but I'm sorry I yelled."

Hux smiled. "I know, I am too." He took a deep breath. "Let's just agree to disagree?" he suggested.

"Of course," Phasma answered as she stood up. "Hux, Love, you know I've always spoken my mind and that's not going to stop."

Hux laughed. "I would hope not. You simply wouldn't be you if you did."

Phasma frowned. "That being said, it's getting worse, isn't it? I haven't seen you have THIS many attacks in the past YEAR." Phasma paused, trying to be as delicate as possible. "Perhaps you should consider medication again." Hux tried to protest, but she went on. "I know, I know exactly what you're thinking and I understand, I REALLY do, Love, but... You need to take care of yourself."

Hux refused to meet Phasma's eyes. "I'm fine, Phasma. I've just been stressed lately. You know they happen more often when I'm stressed. It'll pass." He stood up. "Now, we really should get to the kitchen. We're running late as it is."  
They worked in silence the rest of the morning.

Hux tried to ignore what Phasma had said. But he couldn't put it out of his mind. It wasn't as though she were telling him that his condition was unacceptable, much like his father had.

Hux remembered being curled up in the corner of his room, just shaking. He couldn't even remember what had triggered it, but it felt like the world was crashing around him. "Armitage!" his father bellowed as he entered his room. Hux looked up at him in fear, breathing erratically. "Now what?!" Brendol demanded.

"I...I...can't...breath," he managed to spit out.

"You can speak, you can breath!" Brendol strode to him and pulled him to his feet. He shoved him against the wall and put a large hand around his neck. Hux grabbed at his hand as his throat constricted and air refused to enter his lungs. "That's what it feels like to not be able to breath! See the difference boy?" Hux was feeling light-headed and he was losing the will to fight. Brendol threw him to the bed. Hux gasped for air. "A good soldier NEVER runs away! Be sure the next time, you stand up to what's in front of you. My son will NOT be a coward!" He stormed out.

Hux ignored this memory. He knew his father had been right. He was just being a coward and he needed to face it. Drugs weren't the answer, he just needed to be stronger.

The morning passed with little to no excitement. Hux waited anxiously for Ren. He came in at his usual time. Both Hux and Phasma were out front and before Hux said anything she said, "Yes, go on. I've got everything up here. If you're not careful, I'm going to start bringing Rose in every day too."

Hux smiled at Phasma's teasing. He went around the counter, grabbed Ren's hand, and took him to the back. Once Hux knew they were outside of anyone's sight, he kissed Ren deeply. Ren finally pulled away. "We REALLY should stop doing this."

"Shut up and kiss me, you fool," Hux replied as he pressed his lips to Ren's again. Hux simply couldn't get enough of him.

Hux finally pulled away and rested his forehead against Ren's. "How'd you sleep?"

"I got to fall asleep with you," Ren answered. "So I slept pretty good."

"Good," Hux replied. He moved away to get Ren's morning muffin and coffee.

"Got your note this morning too," Ren mentioned.

"I haven't the foggiest clue what you're talking about."

Ren came up behind Hux and put his arms around him. "You know what I'm talking about." Ren kissed his neck. Hux closed his eyes, savoring it. "You know, the post-it on the bathroom mirror." Ren kept kissing his neck. "The one that said 'I love who you are'. Remember?" He nibbled at Hux's neck.

Hux shivered. "It's starting to come back to me."

Ren sighed, no longer kissing Hux's neck. "I wish I could just stay here with you. But I have to get to class."

"I know," Hux replied. He turned and looked at Ren. "But we can be together tonight. And the next night and the next night." He smiled at Ren. "Acushla, I'm glad I get to have you every night." He kissed him softly. "Now, you should get going or you're going to be late." He handed Ren his coffee and muffin. "You working tonight?"

Ren looked away. "Yeah, I really don't want to face him, but I need to work."

"Well, I will be home when you get home, and I'll have dinner made, and you can just relax."

Ren smiled and looked at Hux. "That sounds nice." He kissed him again. "See you tonight Gingerbread," he said as he turned and left.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren deals with trying to work for his dad while he's still angry at him..Ren returns home for his belongings. He and Leia have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that I didn't post a chapter this last weekend! I am SO sorry. This last week has been crazy and hectic for me and I had a lot of personal things going on. So, hope you enjoy this chapter. Again, sorry it's late.

Ren took a deep breath after he'd parked his car. 'I have to face him,' Ren thought. 'I don't want to, but I have to.' He got out of the car. 'You can do this!' he encouraged himself as he walked up to the front door. 'Just work and stay out of his way.'

Rey was at the front desk. She gave Ren an encouraging smile. "Hey, how are you?"

Ren shrugged. "I'm here."

"You can man the front for a bit if you'd like, so you could avoid Han," Rey offered.

"So he can get me somewhere I can't leave," Ren argued. "No thanks. I'll take my chances in the shop."

Rey gave an encouraging smile. "Good luck."

Ren went to his locker and changed into his mechanic coveralls. He took one last deep breath before he went into the shop area.

"Where you need me?" he asked his dad as casually as he could once he saw him.

"Surprised you showed, Hotshot," Han replied. "Chevy truck, needs a tune up done."

Ren went to work without saying another word. 'He acts like nothing happened! Fine.' Ren tried to concentrate on his work, but he kept thinking about Han's apathy about the situation. It made him angry! 'He could at least mock me. Yell at me would be preferred. He probably knows he can't match my anger, so he figures why even bother trying.'

Ren stewed in his frustration for his entire shift. When he went to the front to clock out Han called out to him, "Hey Hotshot, see you Wednesday."

"Yeah," was all Ren said in return. He changed, clocked out, and headed home to Hux.

When Ren got to the apartment, he stood in front of the door for a moment. 'Shit! I don't have a key.' He decided to try the knob. 'Maybe Hux left it unlocked for me.' It was indeed unlocked, so he went inside. As he went in, he found Hux asleep on the couch, curled up with Millicent. Ren quietly closed the door behind him. He walked over and pulled the blanket off the back of the couch to cover Hux. But Hux sat up.

"I'm awake! Oh, Ren, it's you." He rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry, I must 'ave fallen asleep."

"Why are you talking like that?" Ren asked as he sat down with Hux.

Hux was still drowsy. "Like what? I'm so sorry, I said I'd make you dinner. I'll make something right away." Hux tried to get up, but Ren pushed him back down.

"You don't have to do that." Ren looked at him curiously. "Your accent is funny."

"No it's not!" Hux replied, rather offended. "It's 'ow I always sound!"

Ren smiled. "You're so cute."

Hux cleared his throat. "Shut up," he said, now in his British accent. "I don't sound any different."

"NOW you don't," Ren joked.

Hux looked away. "Ren, my mum was Irish, my father was British, and since he was military too, we moved around a lot. Sometimes I 'sound funny', all right?"

"Hun, you don't have feel embarrassed-"

"I'm not embarrassed!" Hux sighed. "I'm sorry Ren, I'm not angry at you, I just... I can be sensitive about my accent."

"You shouldn't be," Ren said as he leaned in. "You're so beautiful." He kissed him gently and led him to lay down on the couch. Millicent was unpleased with this new arrangement, so she meowed and dashed off.

Hux pulled his lips away. "I should still make dinner for you."

"It can wait," Ren insisted as they locked lips again.

'This feels so good. Every time it's just amazing! HE'S amazing. God, I love him.'

Ren pulled away and pulled his shirt off. "Ren, we-" Hux began to protest.

"Now it's your turn," Ren whispered seductively. "Let me see the beauty that is you."

Hux chuckled. "Is that you taking a stab at poetry?"

Ren laughed in return. "Something like that."

Hux obliged, sitting up just a bit and removing his shirt. 'He really DOES wear dog tags. How have I never noticed that before?' Ren started kissing Hux's neck. Hux closed his eyes and moaned. 'He really likes that. I love hearing him moan like that. It turns me on.'

Ren pulled away and said, "Looks like I left a little mark on you the other day."

"Yes, about that," Hux began. "I would very much appreciate it if you would stop doing that."

Ren smiled mischievously. "And why's that?"

"I'm running out of shirts with collars high enough to hide them," Hux explained. "You think I can look professional when I have your marks on display for everyone to see?"

"You know you love them," Ren teased as he went back to kissing and sucking Hux's neck. Hux quivered.

"No, no, no," Hux manged as he pushed Ren away. "I will not abide."

"Oh, come on Hux!" Ren whined.

"No! Phasma will make fun of me until the day I die if she ever sees one."

Ren got close to Hux's ear and whispered, "I could always suck on something else if you'd like."

Hux was breathing heavily. "Oh please Ren, please," he begged.

Ren started undoing Hux's belt and pants. "What's in it for me?"

"Anything you want, Ren. You want breakfast in bed for a week it's yours. I'll do your laundry for a month if that's what you want. I'll... I'll get you a fucking penguin!"

Ren stopped. "A penguin?"

"Just put my dick in your mouth already!"

Ren went to work. 'I enjoy this more than he has any clue. But I can't stop thinking about the penguin. Why a penguin? I guess they're cute. But what kind of penguin should I ask for? A big Emperor penguin or like a little Adelie penguin? Hmm, decisions, decisions.' Ren barely registered that Hux had finished, he was so fascinated by the idea of penguins. He curled up with Hux, mostly laying on top of him. He gently ran his fingers along Hux's chest.

"So, about this penguin-"

"Don't ask me where that came from. I have no clue," Hux replied.

"Will it be a baby penguin? Or are you going to give me a full grown one? I think I'd like a baby one so I can train it how I want."

"Ren, I'm not getting you a penguin."

"But you said ANYTHING I want!" Ren shouted in mock disbelief.

"Millicent would eat it," Hux argued.

Ren huffed. "Fine, I'll take an adult penguin. But you owe me."

"I'm not getting you a penguin Ren! I have no idea why I said that!"

Ren laughed. "You know, you're cute when you're angry. Your face turns red, it matches your hair." Hux glared and shoved him off playfully. Ren laughed. "Well it DOES!"

Hux sat up, grabbed the nearest pillow and hit Ren with it. "You are a monster."

Ren couldn't stop laughing. "Fine, now you owe me TWO penguins!"

"Enough about penguins!" Hux yelled as he began tickling Ren's sides.

Ren could hardly breathe from laughing so hard. "Okay, okay, you win, no penguins." Hux stopped and sat back on the couch. "But I'd settle for an otter and a hermit crab." Ren immediately stood up and ran away before Hux could resume his tickling.

"You are a menace!" he shouted.

Ren peaked around the corner. "But I'm YOUR menace."

Hux hung his head. "I suppose you are." He stood up. "Are you hungry? I can make something for you."

Ren walked over and kissed him. "I'll be fine. I ate at the shop."

'That's a lie, but he doesn't have to know that. Hux doesn't have to take care of me. I can do that on my own.'

Hux nodded. "I should sleep." He started making his way to the bedroom. "If you do get hungry, feel free to find something in the fridge. But whatever you have better be cold, I don't want you trying to burn down my kitchen again."

"That was once!" Ren protested.

"And I learned my lesson. I forbid you from cooking in my kitchen."

"What if I used the microwave," Ren suggested as he followed Hux into the bedroom.

Hux sighed as he sat down on the bed. "I suppose that would be acceptable."

"Oh, you are too kind my Lord," Ren teased as he sat next to Hux and wrapped his arms around him. "Thank you for your kindness. Let me repay you for your generosity!" He pushed Hux back and straddled him, kissing and sucking his neck vigorously.

"Ren, I'm not ready to go a second round just yet," Hux argued.

"Yeah, but I didn't finish," Ren pointed out.

Hux smiled and shook his head. "I'll do whatever you want then, Love."

'I could tease about the penguins again! Hahaha, but I REALLY want to get off.'

He made Hux turn over and pulled his pants and boxer briefs down. "Lube is on the nightstand," Hux reminded.

Ren leaned forward and whispered, "What, you don't want me to try this dry?"

"God no Ren! Don't you dare!"

Ren just chuckled and gently bit Hux's ear. "I love watching you squirm in fear," he joked. He got up and grabbed the lube. "Hux," he said as he got behind him again. He kissed his shoulder and whispered, "I love you." 

Hux smiled. "I love you too, Ren."

Ren whispered in his ear, "And I'm gonna prove how much I love you." He moved to take his own pants and boxers off. He leaned forward again to whisper in his ear. "I want to make love to you Hux." 

Hux shivered. "Oh God Ren, I love you!"

Ren smirked. "I know."

Ren curled up in Hux's arms after he finished. Hux smoked quietly beside him.

"Why do you smoke after sex?" Ren asked curiously.

Hux blew out a stream of smoke before he answered. "I don't know. My first partner did," he shrugged, "so, I just did it too. I guess it's just ingrained in me at this point."

"Tell me about your first time," Ren asked.

"Why?"

Ren shrugged as he cuddled closer to Hux. "I don't know. I just want you to tell me more about you and your life."

"Well, we could find a better and lighter subject than my first time."

"You know about MY first time," Ren jokingly argued.

"I was THERE," Hux argued.

"So it stands to reason you should tell me about yours."

Hux sighed and shook his head. "Not tonight Ren. I'm tired and I need to sleep. Another time, Agra."

Ren pouted. "But cupcake!" he whined.

Hux laughed, taking another drag on his cigarette. "You and your terms of endearment." He turned to the nightstand and put his cigarette out. "Oíche maith, Acushla."

Ren let out a happy sigh. "I love when you speak Irish to me."

"Gaelic," Hux corrected.

Ren giggled drowsily. "Gay lick."

Hux rolled his eyes. "Your wit is appalling."

"Yeah," Ren replied as he closed his eyes and fell asleep.

***

Ren woke the next morning without Hux in bed next to him. He sighed. 'That is the one thing that's disappointing about our relationship. Who wakes up at 4:00 in the morning to go to work? He should hire someone and make THEM be there that early, so he can stay in bed and cuddle with me.'

Ren smiled to himself, but then rolled out of bed. He sat on the edge for a moment in contemplative thought. 'I've been wearing the same clothes for the past three days. Fuck! I don't want to go home to pick up my shit. I don't want to have to deal with any of them.' Ren shook his head. 'Better just do it and get it over with.'

Ren got out of bed and put on the only jeans and shirt he had. In lieu of clean underwear, he just decided to go commando. He ran his fingers through his hair, decided it looked as good as it was going to and then headed out. He stopped at the door. "I still don't have a key," he said aloud. "Fuck!"

'I'll just have to borrow Hux's.' He locked the door from the inside and closed it tightly as he left.

Hux smiled brightly as Ren walked into the shoppe. "Good morning. Your usual today?"

"Um, there's a little problem," Ren said as he walked up to the counter.

"What's wrong?" Hux questioned, fear and concern written in his features.

"It's not that bad," Ren assured him. "I just don't have a key to your apartment-"

"Shit, I am so sorry, Ren." He dug into his pocket, taking out his own keys. He handed one to Ren. "I'm off tomorrow. I'll get you a key, promise."

'He's adorable when he gets flustered like this.'

"No worries Gingerbread!" He leaned over the counter and gave Hux a long satisfying kiss. He was red from embarrassment by the time Ren pulled away. "See you tonight!" he called as he left.

Ren smiled to himself. Then his smile faded as he sighed and went to his car. He decided to skip his classes for the day, so he could officially move out.  
'Dad will be at the shop. Dip shit and his clone are in school. Hopefully Mom will be running errands.'

Of course Ren wasn't surprised he wasn't that lucky. He took a deep breath before getting out of the car and walking up to the front door. He knocked loudly and waited.

Leia answered the door and smiled. "Ben! Honey! I'm so glad you're home!" She hugged him tightly. "You don't have to knock," she told him.

"Yeah, I do, since I don't live here any more," Ren answered coldly. "I just came by to pick up my stuff."

Leia let him inside. "You don't have to move out sweetie-"

"I already have a place," Ren said.

Leia's lips pursed. "With Hux? Ben, you can't move in with him, you've only been together two weeks!"

'It already feels like a lifetime.'

"I can live wherever the Hell I want," Ren replied angrily.

"Ben, you don't have to leave. I'll talk to your father-"

"No, you won't!" Ren yelled. "If you wanted me to stay you would have stood up to him that night! But you've NEVER been able to stand up to him! Especially where I'M concerned!" Ren hadn't realized he was crying as he yelled. "So, don't you try telling me that you'll convince him I'm going to stay! I'm surprised you convinced him to let you keep me instead of aborting me! And I'm sure you've regretted that decision almost every fucking day!"

Leia slapped him. "How dare you! I love you Ben. I have ALWAYS loved you."

"But you won't fight for me," Ren said quietly. They both fell silent. Ren spoke first. "I'm picking up my things and I'm leaving."

"Ben," Leia said as she pulled him to her. "Please be safe. Let me know if there's ANYTHING you need." She pulled away and looked her son in the eye. There were tears in her eyes. "And promise to call me once a week, please?"

Ren nodded. He didn't trust his voice right away. Leia wiped Ren's tears. "I love you Mom."

"I know and I love you too."

Ren paused. "Why can't Dad love me?" Ren sobbed.

Leia wrapped him in her arms again. "Your father DOES love you. He just has a hard time showing it. Oh Ben! Sweetie, I'm so sorry. For all of it!"

"It's not your fault Mom. None of this is!" Ren replied through gritted teeth.

"If I'd tried to temper your father, or just tried to be there for you more-"

"You've ALWAYS been there for me, Mom," Ren interrupted. "You've been the best mom in the world!"

Leia shook her head. "I could have done better Ben. And your father... I should have protected you from him."

"It's okay Mom," Ren pulled her tighter to him. "I'm sorry I've been such a disappointment."

Leia pulled away and looked him straight in the eye. "You have NEVER been a disappointment to me. Do you understand?" Ren wouldn't meet her eyes, but he nodded. "Now, go ahead and get your things. And promise, you'll call regularly."

Ren sniffled. "I will." He then quickly left for his old room. He started packing an old duffle bag with clothes.

'This has been my home since before I can remember. There's so much history here!' Ren sighed. 'Who knows if I'll ever be here again.' Tears fell down his cheeks. 'I have to remind myself that I'm happy. I have Hux! What more could I ask for?'

Leia came in behind Ren. She put her hand on his shoulder while he cried some more. Once he was finally able to reel his tears in, Leia quietly helped him pack some empty boxes she found. They worked in silence together.

"Thanks, Mom," Ren said once they'd packed his car as much as they could. He held her again, taking in the moment.

'You better call her regularly. She's too special to let down like that.'

Leia pulled away and kissed her son's cheek. "I love you Ben."

'This is the only time I've never hated her calling me by my given name.'

"I love you too. And I'll call."

"You better," she said with a smile. Ren got into his car and drove back to the apartment. It took what seemed like forever to drag all of his boxes and bags upstairs to the third floor.

He finally took a break and sat on the couch. "Hux is gonna kill me when he sees all this shit." Ren moved all his clothes bags into the bedroom and put them on the floor next to his side of the bed. 'I don't know where he'd want me to put them,' he thought to himself. He then went back to his few boxes of other belongings. 'I don't know where to put these either! Wait, he's got a spare room, I can just put it all in there for now.'

Ren picked up a box and took it to the second room. He'd never been in there before, hadn't ever had any reason to be. He looked around the room curiously. 'So, Hux uses this as a storage room. Makes sense.' He put the box down when something caught his eye. 'Does Hux play the piano?' Ren went to it and opened the top to expose the keys. He played middle C. Then a chord.

"Ugh, this thing needs tuned. Which box did I put those tools in?" Ren went back to the living room and began digging through his boxes until he found what he was looking for. He went back to the spare room and began tuning the piano. Once he was satisfied with the way it sounded, he sat down on the not so sturdy bench and began to play.

It was like riding a bike. His fingers hadn't forgotten the once familiar feel of the keys. Ren closed his eyes as he played, letting himself be taken over by the music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking around so long! There's more to come for our boys. Hope you're enjoying their journey together. Remember, kudos and comments always help us stay motivated. If you're enjoying this, feel free to check out some of our other work as well!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren tries to help Hux go through boxes in the spare room, leading to an interesting night. Hux, tells Ren about his first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I wanted to mention, for anyone who may be triggered, there is a rape scene. It doesn't go into explicit detail though. And, Hux thinks that because he said yes initially, that it means he can't say no later.

Hux realised he was exhausted as he trudged up the stairs to his apartment. 'Our apartment,' he thought to himself. It was strange to think of coming home to someone. He'd had partners before with whom he seemed to live with based on the number of nights he would stay over. And of course there had been DJ too. Hux had suggested that they move in together. They both gave up the places they had and looked for one that would be "theirs". Hux thought it strange that he now had another man in that same apartment, the one he'd expected to have with DJ for years to come.

Hux just sighed and ignored the thoughts of DJ that arose. He opened the front door and was shocked by the boxes that were strewn all over. He took a deep breath to calm himself. It wasn't a big deal and he could easily organise it later. But Hux didn't have time to keep fuming. There was music coming from the spare room. He made his way to the open door.

As he peered inside, he saw Ren sitting at his old piano, playing it! While Millicent slept soundly on the bench next to him, obviously lulled to sleep by the music. "Ren?"

Ren looked up, shocked to see Hux there. "Oh, Hux!" He closed the top. "I'm sorry. I... I shouldn't be in here." He stood up and stepped away from the piano. "I didn't know where to put my things, so I figured I'd bring them in here so they'd be out of the way." His words seemed to tumble out without his control. "But then I got distracted when I saw the piano and it needed to be tuned a bit, so I fixed that and-"

"You tuned it?" Hux asked in awe.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched it. I shouldn't have touched ANY of your things. I-"

Hux made his way over to Ren and grabbed his hands. "Acushla, it's all right!" He paused as he brushed some hair out of Ren's eyes. "I had no idea you played."

Ren still refused to meet his gaze. "Mom made me take lessons since I was about eight," Ren explained.

"You play beautifully," Hux encouraged.

Ren finally looked up. "Do you play?"

Hux shook his head. "I always MEANT to learn, that's why I bought the bloody thing. It was an old second-hand thing. I thought I would teach myself whenever I found the time to do so."

"I could teach you!" Ren offered excitedly.

Hux smiled. "I would like that. But for now, why don't you play something for me," he suggested as he lead Ren back to the piano bench. "It was beautiful."

Ren sat back down. "I haven't played in nearly a year," he admitted as he opened the top again.

"I certainly couldn't tell," Hux said as he wrapped his arms around Ren from behind and rested his head on his shoulder. "Play something for me?" he whispered seductively in Ren's ear.

Ren took a deep breath and pressed down on the keys. It was an unfamiliar song to Hux, but it was soft and slow. Then slowly, the tempo and intensity of it built and swelled. Then, once again, slowly, it returned to how it was at the beginning, quiet and peaceful. Ren held the last keys for a few moments before pulling away.

"That was amazing, Ren," Hux said in awe.

Ren shook his head. "Not really." He turned himself around to look at Hux. "Sorry about the mess in the living room."

"Not to worry, easily cleaned up," Hux assured him.

"You know, you have a lot of stuff in here," Ren observed.

Hux looked around and shrugged. "Things I've been meaning to go through and get rid of."

Ren gave him a doubtful look. "You've lived here how long? I doubt you really have ANY intention of getting rid of this stuff."

"I do too," Hux protested.

"I can help!" Ren said excitedly as he jumped up from the bench. "Like this box of books." He started rifling through them. "I mean, you've got plenty of books."

"Books are sacred and will NOT be gotten rid of just because you think there is a maximum number of books a person should have."

Ren shrugged. "Okay, but, some of these you really don't need. Like 'The Strategies of the Korean War', really?"

Hux wondered how out of all the books in that box, could Ren have suggested that one particular book. "That one stays. End of discussion." Hux wasn't about to tell Ren why it meant so much to him. It was a gift from the only teacher he'd had in high school he actually cared for.

Sergeant Nielson gave him a small brown, paper-wrapped gift. "For graduation," he said.

"You didn't have to get me a graduation gift, sir."

He just smiled at Hux. "Since when have you ever known me to do anything I HAVE to do? Go ahead and open it."

Hux did so and looked down at it and smiled. "Thank you, sir. I'll cherish it always."

"Take a look inside," he suggested.

Hux gently opened the front cover. On the inside page was an inscription from Sergeant Nielson in his beautiful handwriting. 'Armitage, I have enjoyed our time together. I will miss you immensely. Remember that you are your own man and can do whatever you choose to. Best of luck to you in this life's journey. Forever James Nielson'

Hux closed the book. "Thank you James. You're the only teacher here who ever saw me for me and not just Brendol Hux's son."

Sergeant Nielson nodded. "I meant it, Amritage. You ARE your own man. You don't have to live the life your father wants."

Hux sighed. "I wish that were true. I've already enlisted. I ship out for boot camp the day after graduation."

"Well, best of luck to you," James extended his hand.

Hux accepted it. "Thank you." He then pulled the man to him and embraced him. "Thank you for EVERYTHING."

Ren broke into his thoughts. "Okay, then what about the stuff in this box?" He asked as he grabbed another box at random.

"Those most certainly stay."

Ren looked at him in question. "Do you even know what's in here?"

"Yes, I certainly do. Do you take me as a man who has no regard for where his belongings are kept?"

Ren shrugged. "I guess not." He grabbed another box. "But why don't you prove it. What's in THIS box?"

Hux looked at him, rather unamused. "Really Ren?"

"Come on, I bet you have NO idea."

Hux sighed. "My old uniforms, both my class A and my boot camp uniform along with my fatigues."

Ren opened the box. "I'll be damned." He pulled the green jacket out. "You should put it on."

"And why would I do that?" Hux asked, a little agitated.

"I want to see you in it," Ren answered.

"I'm certain I have a snap shot somewhere-"

"But it wouldn't be the same as seeing you in it now," Ren argued.

Hux didn't like where this argument was going. "It probably doesn't even fit any more."

"Please?" Ren begged. He gave Hux his best puppy-dog-eyed look as he pushed his bottom lip out in a pout.

"You are such a nuisance," Hux declared as he grabbed the jacket from him. Ren pulled the rest of the uniform out and handed it to him. "I'll be just a moment." Hux went to the bedroom to change. It had indeed been a long time since he'd worn that uniform, but it still fit his small frame the same way it did when he first received it. Hux looked at himself in the mirror and quickly turned away. He didn't want to see himself like that. He looked far too much like his father.

Hux went back to the second room where Ren had occupied himself with another box. Hux cleared his throat and Ren looked up. "Told you it would fit," Ren said knowingly.

"Shut up," Hux replied.

Ren stood up. "You know Hux, there's something about a man in a uniform."

"So I hear. Quite frankly, I never saw the appeal."

Ren stepped closer. "I can show you," he suggested as he kissed him. Hux closed his eyes as he drank Ren in. Ren had learned quite a bit since the first time they'd done this. Ren eased him over to the wall and pressed himself into Hux.

Hux wrapped his arms around Ren's neck while Ren pressed his hands against the wall, as though he were trying to keep himself standing with the effort.

Ren moved down to Hux's neck. He gently gnawed to make Hux moan in pleasure. Ren opened the top few buttons on Hux's shirt, so he could focus on his collar bone. Hux felt his breath catch. 'Not now!' He thought to himself. But it was too late. He started thinking about that first night. HIS first time.

"Ren, stop," he said quietly. Ren either didn't hear him or outright ignored him. Hux didn't know which. But he didn't care. He just needed Ren to stop. "Ren, I said stop!" he yelled as he shoved Ren away hard.

Ren was shocked. "What's wrong?"

"Just... Just stay away from me!" he yelled as he quickly went to the bedroom. Ren followed, but not too closely. Hux sat on the bed in tears.

Ren stood by the door hesitantly. "Hux?" he asked.

"I just need a moment," Hux answered, trying to slow down his breathing. "And I need to get out of this bloody thing!" He started tearing at the buttons erratically. Ren wanted to help him, but he was afraid of how Hux would react if he tried to touch him. Hux finally removed the last piece of the uniform and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Hux?" Ren ventured to try.

"JUST!" He paused and took a deep breath. "Just give me a moment, please." Ren stood in the doorway and waited. He wanted so badly to go to Hux, to wrap his arms around him and comfort him, but he was scared how it would effect Hux, so he waited.

After, what seemed like an hour, Hux had more control over himself. He looked up at Ren, who still stood in the doorway. "Ren," he said as he offered his hand to him. Ren was hesitant for a moment, but he took Hux's hand. With a gentle tug, Hux asked him silently to sit with him. Again, Ren did so, but with caution.

Hux held his hand and sat there quietly. He took one last deep breath and said, "I'm sorry. I don't want you to think this has anything to do with you. I just... Sometimes memories they... And I can't ignore them... I try, but... I just... I'm sorry, Ren."

"It's okay, Hux. You don't need-"

"No it's not!" He took a few calming breaths and looked at Ren. "I should explain."

Ren shook his head. "You don't have to-"

"But I NEED to," Hux interrupted. "Please." Ren nodded and listened. "My first time, I was wearing a uniform much like this one."

As he told Ren what happened, he felt like he was back there.

Hux had just come home from a very special night. The private military high school he and Phasma attended was holding its annual Military Ball. Hux and Phasma had gone together. They were sophomores and only 15, so neither of them could drive. Brendol asked his colleague, a Corporal he'd been working with as of late, to chauffeur and chaperone.

"So, you and the major's daughter?" Corporal Mark Timmons asked as they entered the house after dropping Phasma off at home.

Hux chuckled. "No, I can assure you, we're just friends," he said as he closed and locked the front door behind them. He undid his tie and sat on the sofa.

"You two just seem awfully close," he said as he disappeared to the kitchen. He came back into the living room holding two beers. "Would you like one?" he asked Hux casually.

Hux hesitated. "I don't think-"

"Come on, it's just a beer, kiddo."

"I just don't-"

"What? You scared daddy might catch you?" he mocked Hux.

"No! Give it here."

"That's the spirit!" Timmons said as he popped the cap and handed it to Hux. He opened his own bottle and sat next to Hux, perhaps closer than he would have liked, but Hux didn't say anything. "So, just friends?"

Hux laughed and took a drink. He almost spat it back out, it was so awful! But he didn't want Timmons to see him not able to stand the taste of beer, so he forced himself to swallow it. "Phasma and I are VERY different people. We want DRASTICALLY different things."

"How so?"

"Well, for starters, she'd like a girlfriend and I'm in the market for boyfriend."

"Really?" Timmons took a sip from his beer. "I figured her, but I never would have guessed YOU."

"Sorry I'm not flamboyant enough."

Timmons laughed. "I'm just usually pretty good at figuring out who's playing on my team."

Hux nearly choked on his beer. He looked at him in surprise. "You? You're-"

"Sorry I'm not flamboyant enough," Timmons echoed Hux's words.

This made Hux chuckle. "Fair enough."

Timmons put a hand on Hux's knee. "You know, it's a shame you're so much younger."

"I'm fifteen. You're all of what, three years my senior?" Hux argued.

"Five," he corrected as he took another swig.

"Wow, five whole years," Hux said sarcastically. "You're SO much older."

Timmons ran his fingers through Hux's close cropped hair. "I'm not that much older. You said so yourself."

Hux looked at him in excitement. His heart was beating wildly. "That's right, you're not."

"Have you ever had a boyfriend, Armitage?" Timmons leaned closer as he set his beer on the coffee table. "Ever been kissed." He was right next to Hux's ear as he whispered, "Ever been fucked?"

"Um," Hux was having a hard time breathing. He wasn't scared, but filled with excitement. "No, I-"

"I've been so turned on by you since the first day I met you," Timmons said as crawled on top of Hux and gently made him lay down, taking Hux's beer and putting it on the table next to his own.

"Is... Is that so?" Hux could feel himself getting aroused.

"Absolutely," he answered. "I've imagined doing all kinds of things to you."

"Like what?" Hux asked. "Maybe you'll have to show me."

Timmons smiled. "I think that could be arranged." He leaned down and kissed Hux. He tasted like a strange combination of beer and smoke. Timmons sat up and removed his shirt. "Come on, you're turn," he said as he started undoing the buttons of Hux's uniform.

Hux swallowed hard as he began helping with the buttons. He sat up and peeled it and his undershirt off.  
Timmons gently touched his chest. "So beautiful." He started kissing Hux's chest. Hux closed his eyes and enjoyed the new experience. Timmons started sucking on his nipples. Hux gasped! He'd never felt that kind of sensation before.

Timmons pulled away. "Ever have someone suck you off?"

Hux shook his head. "No."

Timmons smiled. "What'dya say I'll do it for you, if you do it for me?"

Hux's breath caught as Timmons grabbed him between his legs. "You're already so hard. You know you want it." He started undoing Hux's belt.

"I... I don't know," Hux managed to tremble out.

"Yeah, you do. It's okay, Armitage. Just relax, I'll take care of you."

Hux nodded. "Okay," he answered, some what reluctantly.

"See? I promise, you'll enjoy it."

He undid the button and zipper and pulled his trousers down. He reached down into Hux's briefs and grabbed him gently.

Hux gasped and then shook his head. "No, I don't want to do this. I've changed my mind." He felt tears pricking the edge of his eyes.

"I'm doing you a favour, Armitage," Timmons said. "No one else is ever going to want you." He squeezed a bit harder. Hux gasped. "You're pathetic and weak, just like your father always says. I'm giving you something you'll never find anywhere else." He pulled Hux's briefs down. "This is your only chance to EVER have this, so, enjoy it." He lowered his mouth down onto Hux.

Hux closed his eyes and moaned. Tears were falling freely now. He wanted to stop. But he'd already agreed. Hux bucked and quivered when he finished. He kept his eyes closed, trying vainly to hold back his tears. He opened his eyes as Timmons sat up. He wiped at his mouth. "You taste so good, Armitage." He sat back on the sofa and pulled his own trousers and boxers down. "Now, my turn. Get on the floor."

Hux sat up. "Please Mark, I don't want to-"

"You selfish prick! I just sucked YOU off, the only decent thing to do would be to return the favour," he said as he stroked himself. "Get on the floor."

Hux sat up and pulled his trousers back on before doing as instructed. He knelt in front of Timmons and put his hands on his knees. "I know it's big, but I think you can take it." He let go of himself and put his hands in Hux's hair. "Go ahead. Show me what you've just learned."

Hux quivered as he cried. He looked up at him. "Please Mark, don't make me-"

"Now, damn it!" he yelled as he shoved Hux's head in his crotch. Hux closed his eyes and put him in his mouth.

Timmons sighed in pleasure. "Yeah, that's it, Armitage. You're so good. Oh, that's so nice." He sung Hux's praise the whole time, but Hux didn't hear any of it. Between trying not to choke and not to cry, there was little else he could pay attention to.

Timmons was jutting his hips upward, making Hux take as much of him as possible. "I... I'm gonna come. I want you to be a good boy and swallow it. Don't want to leave a mess for daddy to find. Don't want him to know how bad you've been." The last word came out with a tremble as he finished. Hux kept it all in his mouth and swallowed. He wanted to pull away, but was afraid Timmons wouldn't let him just yet. Timmons ran his fingers through Hux's hair as he eased him off of him. He tilted Hux's face upward, making him look up at him. He stroked his cheek softly. "You're so beautiful, Armitage. That was nice." He stood up and pulled his trousers back on. "It's late. You should probably get to bed."

Hux stood up without a word, grabbed the rest of his uniform, and headed to his room.

"Armitage," Timmons called out to him. Hux stopped and turned. Timmons had come up behind him and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed his cheek. "Sleep well. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ren was quiet as Hux finished his story. He didn't care for the silence, so he went on. "We kept doing things for some time after that. Until he was shipped off overseas. I never saw him again. For all I know, he died over there."

Ren was quiet for a moment and then asked. "How long did it go on?"

"A few months," Hux answered.

Ren stood up and began pacing. "That asshole! If he were here, I swear to God, Hux, I'd-"

"It's not that big of a deal, Ren."

"Not that big of a deal?!" Ren shouted. "The guy fucking raped you!"

"No he didn't," Hux argued. "I agreed to it."

Ren sat down next to him again and took his hands in his. "You asked him to stop. You said you didn't want to."

"But I had already agreed-"

"That's not how it works Hux!" Ren shouted as he let go of Hux's hands and stood up again. "If someone says stop, that's it, that's the end. Besides that, you were fifteen!"

"So?"

"He was a fucking adult!"

"He was only five years older than me," Hux reminded him.

"It's still illegal! It's still wrong! You were underage!"

Hux sat up a little straighter. "I knew what I was doing, Ren."

"You were young and naive. He used you and manipulated you to get what he wanted."

"I wanted it TOO, Ren!" Hux shouted. "At the time I knew he was right. No one else was ever going to want me. I was worthless and pathetic."

Ren shook his head. "Don't say that." He sat next to Hux and once again, took hold of his hands. "You mean so much to me!"

Hux shook his head. "It is what it is. It's in the past. Let's just leave it there."

Ren looked down. "I can't help it, Hux." He looked back up and into Hux's eyes. "It makes me so angry. Thinking about what he did to you."

"It's no different than what you and I do," Hux joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Ren shook his head. "It's different."

"How is it any different? I'm five years older than YOU."

"But I'M not a teenager," Ren argued back. "You said he was twenty. I'M twenty. Would it be okay if I were fucking a fifteen year old?"

Hux didn't reply. When Ren put it that way, he knew he was right. But he refused to admit it.

"Just let it go, Ren," he said as he let go of Ren's hands and stood up.

"I can't, Hux," Ren replied. "I just get sick thinking about it. I'd like to find him and just-"

"Just what? Condemn him for something he did nearly a decade ago? Good or bad, right or wrong, it doesn't matter. It happened and it can't be changed. So, let it rest." Hux paused and then added, "I'm going to fix something for dinner." He left the room, leaving Ren alone on the bed.

Hux tried not to think about the conversation as he busied himself with making food. Ren finally came into the kitchen. He stood in the doorway silently. After a few minutes, he walked up behind Hux and wrapped his arms around him, laying his head between his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Hux. When I feel passionately about something, I can get worked up." Hux didn't reply, so he went on. "You're right, it's in the past and we can't change it." Hux still remained silent. "Can I do anything to help with dinner?" he offered.

"You think I trust you in my kitchen?"

Ren pulled away. "But you showed me around the kitchen the other day!" he protested. "And I-"

"You think one cooking lesson makes you a master chef?" Hux teased. "I'll let you help, but only under STRICT supervision."

Ren smiled. "Okay." They made dinner together and talked and joked like normal, but Hux could tell it was different. It felt like they were both walking on eggshells. Neither wanting to upset the other. After dinner, they curled up on the couch and watched a movie.

Ren held Hux close to him, almost afraid to let him go. "Hux," he whispered.

"Yes, Ren?"

"I would never try and get you to do something you don't want to do," he said.

Hux didn't want to talk about it, but he knew Ren needed to say it, for his own sake. "I know."

"I mean, I might joke and tease, but if you ever told me no, that would be the end of it."

"I know that, Ren. I trust you." Hux sighed. "What do you say, we head to bed?" Hux asked as he turned off the movie. Neither of them had REALLY been paying attention to it. The both of them had their minds elsewhere.

"Sure," Ren agreed. They both got up and went to the bedroom. Hux dressed in lounge pants and an undershirt, while Ren stripped down to nothing but his boxers. Ren curled into Hux's side when they laid down. "I'm sorry I asked you to put your uniform on," Ren said sheepishly.

"Ren, that's enough."

"No, Hux, really. I'm sorry. If I hadn't then, you wouldn't have had your break down-"

"I didn't have a break down," Hux said angrily as he pulled away just a bit. "I just..." But Hux couldn't find any other words to describe it. He didn't want Ren to think he was weak though.

"I'm sorry," Ren said again.

"It's fine, Ren. Now go to sleep."

Ren closed his eyes as he pulled himself closer to Hux.  
Hux laid there, staring at the dark ceiling. After a time, he heard Ren snoring. Hux closed his eyes and began to cry. He was so angry with himself! He'd let Ren see him weak and he hated that. He was supposed to be stronger than that. He'd fought for years to keep up a tough persona. "It won't happen again." Hux promised himself aloud. He closed his eyes and laid there quietly until sleep took him over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is getting back to normal, so I should be posting my regular chapter a week once again. Leaving comments and kudos are always appreciated. Like my work and I'll check out yours in return! Check out some of our other pieces too if you're enjoying this!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux takens Ren grocery shopping. They have dinner at Rey's place where Hux gets drunker than he might have intended.

Chapter 14

Ren woke and was not surprised to see that Hux wasn't there. Ren looked at his phone to check the time. "Fuck!" he shouted as he dropped his head back on his pillow.

"What's wrong?" Hux asked panicked as he rushed to the bedroom door.

Ren looked up. "Oh, I'm sorry, I just..." he sighed. "I overslept, so I've missed a bunch of my classes already."

Hux shook his head. "I'm sorry Ren, I should have woken you."

Ren sat up. "No, I'm an adult, I should be more responsible."

Hux chuckled. "Well your alarm DID go off about half a dozen times. You were obviously tired enough to sleep through it."

"Apparently," Ren agreed as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"I've made breakfast if you're hungry," Hux offered as he headed back to the kitchen.

Ren got up, went to the bathroom, and then joined Hux in their small kitchen. Hux was sitting at the dinning table eating toast and drinking tea.

Hux smiled at him as he entered. "There's oatmeal on the stove if you'd like some."

"I didn't take you for an oatmeal kind of guy," Ren said as he went to the cupboard for a bowl to serve himself.  
Hux shrugged. "Sometimes simple is best."

Ren sat down across from Hux. He offered him cream and sugar for his oatmeal and he drowsily accepted it. They ate breakfast in silence. The tension from the night before seemed to loom over them.

'I want to talk to him about it. But he'll just shut me out. I want him to see how wrong it was! He was raped and then manipulated into thinking what happened to him was acceptable. It makes me so Damn angry!'

Hux drank his tea quietly, but he didn't so much as look at the toast he'd prepared for himself.

"Are you gonna eat?" Ren asked.

Hux looked at him over his mug. "I'm a big boy Ren, I can take care of myself. I don't need you reminding me to eat."

Ren looked down, feeling like he'd been kicked. 'I'm just trying to help. I care, why is that such a problem?'

Ren cleared his throat. "So, you think I could get a key today?" Ren asked, changing the subject.

"I'm really not sure I should get you one," Hux answered, taking a drink of his tea.

"What?!"

Hux shrugged. "For all I know you could come home while I'm working and completely destroy my kitchen," Hux joked with a smile.

Ren faked shock. "I would NEVER do something like that. I know the kitchen is a sacred place to you." Ren shrugged. "I might destroy something else though."

Hux nearly choked on his tea. "Wow, Ren, leave something for the imagination next time."

Ren looked at him confused. "What do you mean... That's not what I meant! I meant the living room or something!" he quickly explained.

Hux nodded. "Sure, that's EXACTLY what you meant."

Ren got up and came behind Hux. "I could destroy that for you too if you'd like," Ren whispered, wrapping his arms around Hux and nibbling on his ear.

Hux shrugged him off. "Please Ren, let me finish my tea first. I simply can't process you coming on to me at the moment."

Ren sat back down, but this time next to Hux instead of across from him. Ren waited as Hux sipped his tea.  
'This is gonna take forever!' Ren got up and started kissing his neck.

"Keep it up and you simply won't be getting any until tomorrow," Hux said in a sing song tone.

Ren groaned as he sat back down. "Well hurry it up then!" He reached over and ran his fingers through Hux's hair. "You're simply too hot to just LOOK at."

Hux said nothing in return and continued sipping his tea. Ren tapped his foot impatiently. Hux glanced over at him and took another tiny sip.

"If you don't hurry up, I might have to start without you," Ren commented.

Hux looked right at him and smiled as he took the smallest sip possible.

'He's toying with me! The fucker!'

"All right, you've had enough tea!" Ren protested as he snatched the mug away from Hux.

"I wasn't finished with that!" Hux protested falsely.

"You are now," Ren said as he set the mug on the table, grabbed Hux's face, and kissed him.

Hux tried to kiss him back, but he was laughing too hard.

Ren pulled away. "Stop laughing and kiss me damn it!" This made Hux laugh even harder. Ren pulled away again. "Fine, have it your way." He started kissing Hux's neck.

Hux's laughter died down from the roar that had taken over him, but he still chuckled.

Ren pulled away again. "Damn it Hux, I'm trying to seduce you."

Hux just smiled back at him. "I know. But do you really think I'm that easily seduced?"

Ren pouted. "No, I just REALLY want to make out with you!" he whined.

Hux's smile broadened. "We can do that Ren, if you'd like." He then grabbed Ren's face and pulled it to his. He gently kissed him.

'Why does he have to make things so difficult? I'm like addicted to him.' Ren settled on to Hux's lap again, straddling him so he could pull himself as close as possible. 'God, I love him so much! Has anyone ever loved like this before? Great, now you sound like some stupid kid in a YA novel.' The thought made Ren chuckle out loud.

Hux pulled away. "What?"

Ren just smiled at him. "Nothing," he answered as he leaned forward to kiss Hux again, but Hux turned his face away.

"I have things to do today, I really don't have time to indulge you."

"But sugarplum!" Ren whined.

Hux threw his head back and laughed.

'I love making him laugh! He's so beautiful!'

Hux looked back at Ren, a stupid smile plastered on his face. "What did I do to deserve you?" He then kissed Ren sweetly. "Now really, I have errands to run."

Ren moved off of Hux's lap. "I'll get dressed and come with you," he offered. "I've never ran errands with my boyfriend before."

"I can assure you it's not as thrilling as you might think," Hux replied. "But you're more than welcome to join me."  
Ren smiled. "Great! I'll be right back." And he dashed off to the bedroom.

Ren quickly dressed. 'Okay, maybe I'm a little too excited to be running errands with Hux, but it IS so exciting!' He pulled a clean shirt on. 'I mean, I'm living with my boyfriend, granted by necessity and not choice, but that's not important.' He slid into a pair of jeans. 'And now I get run errands with him! It's exciting!'  
He put on socks and shoes and went back into the dinning room. Hux was still sitting at the table. He was writing on a notepad.

"You ready? What are you writing?" Ren asked as he came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him.

"I'm making a shopping list," Hux answered very casually.

"What do you need a list for?" Ren questioned curiously.

Hux looked at him with a laugh and a smile. "So I know what I need to buy."

"Don't you already know what you need to buy?"

Hux stopped writing. "You're serious aren't you?" Hux set his pen down and turned to him. "Have you NEVER gone grocery shopping before?"

Ren shrugged. "Not if I could help it," he admitted.

Hux shook his head and sighed. "I forget you're not used to taking care of yourself." He turned back to his notepad.

"I can take care of myself," Ren protested, a bit angry.

Hux chuckled. "I know you can Ren, I mean, you're not use to THIS." He gestured to the room around him. "Running a household, even if it IS just a household of two."

Ren pulled away. "Sorry Hux, I'll do better."

Hux looked at Ren. "Acushla, it's a learning process. No one knows how to live on their own until they do it."

'I still feel stupid. I mean, a grocery list is something EVERYONE does, right?'

"Yeah, I know," was all he said.

Hux finished his list and stood up. He kissed Ren and said, "Let's get going."

***

'Shopping with Hux is FAR less fun than I thought it would be. Maybe it's just shopping in general. Ugh, this is so mind numbing! Do we really have to compare prices on EVERY item? And who knew there was so much difference in food?! APPARENTLY there's even a difference in ground beef! This one is 97% lean which is supposed to be much better than the 85%. And then there's grass fed beef. What does that EVEN mean?! Don't ALL cows eat grass?'

Ren texted Rey his frustrations with his day out.  
"We're almost done, I promise," Hux said as he kissed Ren's shoulder.

"It's okay, we can take as long as you need."

Hux frowned. "I can tell you're bored out of your mind."

"No I'm not," Ren tried to lie. "I'm with you, of course I'm having fun."

Hux wrapped his arms around him. "It's all right Ren. I know it's a boring and tedious task, but it needs done. You don't have to join me on any more shopping trips love."

"But I want to help, Hux," Ren argued.

"You're a distraction," Hux replied. "Your reluctance to be here is palpable. If you wanted to pretend you were enjoying yourself you should have kept yourself from texting Rey concerning your disdain for the activity."

"What?! I-" Ren tried to deny, but Hux cut him off.

"You're not very subtle," he said as he let go of Ren, grabbed something off a shelf and put it in the cart.

"I'm sorry." Ren sighed.

Hux shrugged. "It's not that big of a deal Ren. I simply wish you wouldn't complain about me to your fake girlfriend."

'Why would he say it like that? Does he really not...'

"Do you not like Rey?" Ren asked in worry.

Hux looked away with a sigh. "I know she means a lot to you Ren, but-"

"You don't like her?" Ren finished.

Hux looked at Ren now. "You're right, I don't. I find her abrasive and difficult to be around."

"You've had what? Two conversations with her?"

"So?"

"You're getting to know her," Ren insisted. "That's final."

"What? But Ren-"

"No 'buts'," Ren interrupted as he began texting.

"Fine, no 'butts' for you either," Hux said, grabbed the cart, and walked away.

Ren kept texting on his phone and then it hit him. "Wait! What? Get back here Hux!" he shouted as he took off after him. When he caught up to him, he wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his neck.

"Ren, we're in public!" Hux reminded him as he tried to shove him away.

"So?" Ren said as he continued kissing Hux's neck.

"I'm serious Ren, that's enough!" he said as he shoved him away.

'What's wrong?' Ren wondered in confusion.

"I don't like public displays of affection," Hux answered as though he could read Ren's thoughts.

"I'm sorry, Hux," he replied as he he wrapped his arms around himself and looked down.

'Why do I keep fucking things up?!' Ren asked himself. 'I've got to be the WORST boyfriend EVER.'

Hux sighed. "It's fine Ren, just please resist from doing it again I the future." He paused. "I think we have everything. Let's get going."

Ren looked at his phone and smiled. "Hey, we got any plans Saturday?" Ren asked.

"I don't think so, why?"

Ren's smile widened. "We're having dinner at Rey's."

"What? Why?"

"So you can get to know her," Ren said as he grabbed the cart and started walking away. "Deal with it."

'If he just GIVES Rey a chance, he'll love her like I do.'

***

Ren tried to keep his head in the moment as he and Hux made out on their bed that night, but his mind wandered.

Hux was on top of him, kissing him vigorously as he held his hands above his head. 'God, I want to touch him! I hate it when he holds me down like this. I know he likes it but... I guess I understand it a bit now. After what happened to him. He wants control when he's having sex. But it's so frustrating! I wonder if he ever thinks about him? Or his last boyfriend, TJ was it? Does he compare me to them?'

"Hux, what are you thinking?" Ren begged through their kisses.

"Just about you," Hux whispered. "And how badly I want to fuck you." He bit Ren's bottom lip as he said this, forcing a moan out of Ren.

"Let me touch you, please?" Ren asked as he tried to move his hands, but Hux held tightly.

"No, I don't think so," Hux said as he grabbed both of his wrists in one hand. With the other, he reached down to grab Ren gently.

A moan of pleasure escaped Ren's lips. "That's right Ren. You like it when I touch you like that, don't you?"

'Is this dirty talk? We've never done this before. Am I supposed to say something back?'

"Go ahead, Ren, say it," he encouraged as he continued to grind himself into him. "Tell me how much you like it when I grab your cock like this." He squeezed a little tighter.

Ren gasped. "It's so good, Hux," he managed to spit out. "God yes! Uh, Fuck! Yes!"

Hux let go of his hands and made him roll over to his stomach. Without words, he told Ren to get up on his knees and lean forward. They both still had their undergarments on, so Hux dry humped him while he reached around and stroked Ren. "You're a filthy slut Ren. You're gonna scream my name when I come inside you, aren't you?" Ren just moaned in response. With his other hand, he reached up and grabbed Ren's hair and pulled. "Aren't you Ren?!"

"Yeah, I'll scream your name and then beg you for more." Ren paused. "Is that good? Is that okay?"

"Shut up," Hux demanded as he pulled Ren's boxers down. "Tell me how badly you want it."

"I do Hux, I want it so bad."

'I don't know if I like this," Ren thought to himself. 'But Hux does. So, I should just go along with it, right?' He felt Hux remove his own boxer briefs and then reach for the lube on the nightstand.

"Please Hux, please get inside me!" Ren begged. Hux quickly put the lube on and pushed inside hard, making Ren gasp. He continued stroking Ren as he thrust in and out.

"That's right, take it! You filthy slut!" Hux kept pushing harder and harder until he shuttered with release. He let himself collapse on Ren's back, but continued to stroke him until he was finished. Ren called out his name as he came and then also collapsed.

Hux pulled out slowly and rolled off of him, laying on his back. He was breathing heavily. "Good God Ren," he panted out as he laid there. He reached to his nightstand and got his cigarettes and lighter. He lit one up, even though he was still breathing heavily. He breathed out a puff of smoke. "You're awfully quiet Ren," Hux observed.

"Sorry, I didn't know if I was allowed to talk yet."

Hux looked at him confused. "What?"

Ren rolled to his side, his back to Hux. "You know, aren't you gonna tell me what you want me to say first."

"Ren," Hux said as he put a hand on his back, but Ren pulled away from the touch. "I'm sorry, I should have asked you if that was okay. Did it bother you?"

"No," Ren answered quickly.

"Yes it did." Hux put out his cigarette and then ran his fingers through Ren's hair. "You could have asked me to stop."

Ren sighed and rolled to his back so he could look at Hux. "But YOU were enjoying it. I didn't want you to stop."

"Grá mo chroí, if I EVER do anything you're uncomfortable with, please tell me." He kissed Ren's shoulder. "It's not just about ME. YOU enjoying it is important too."

Ren looked at Hux. "I enjoy seeing you get pleasure from things."

Hux smiled. "That's sweet of you. But I won't do it again-"

Ren rolled to his side and propped himself up with his arm. "No, I WANT you to do it. I WANT you to enjoy it! I'll get used to it. I'll even learn to like it," Ren offered.

Hux sighed. "There's just no winning with you, is there?"

Ren smiled back. "Probably not." He traced his fingers along Hux's face. Hux closed his eyes and kissed Ren's fingers when they came in contact with his lips.

"Tell me what YOU would like?" Hux asked. "What would YOU enjoy?"

Ren laid on his back again. "I don't know."

Hux played with his hair some more. "Tell me when you think of it."

Ren thought for a moment. 'I want to know it's ME he's thinking of. I want him to tell me I'M the best he's ever had.'

"I'd like you to tell me how good I am," Ren said as he quickly glanced at Hux to gage his reaction. "Not like to boost my ego or anything, just to let me know that..."

'I don't know how to say it without it sounding like I'm insecure.'

"Let you know what?" Hux encouraged.

Ren sighed. "That I'M the one you're thinking of."

Hux looked at him, both sadness and confusion written on his face. "If I'm making love to YOU Ren, why would I be thinking of anyone else?"

'You're crying?! Dude, just stop!'

"You don't ever think about, you know, like, your past lovers?" Ren asked in fear.

'He's gonna think I'm immature and insecure. Damn it Ren! Learn to shut up every once in a while.'

Hux shook his head. "No, why would I? You're vastly different from my past relationships."

"You mean because I'm inexperienced?" Ren filled in.

"No Ren, stop." He gently turned Ren's head so he would face him. "The main reason you're so different is you actually give a fuck about me. Everyone in my past, it was always about THEM. About what THEY wanted. But you," he stroked Ren's cheek gently, "you're willing to compromise. You want me to be happy. And I love you so much for that. Your happiness means the world to me. So please, don't EVER think I want someone or something else. Because YOU are all I want."

Hux wiped away tears Ren hadn't even realized he'd let escape. "You're all I want too Hux." He paused and looked away. "But I'll be honest, there's still a part of me that thinks you'll want some one else. Someone better. And I just don't feel like I can compete with your past." Ren closed his eyes as more tears fell.

"Ren," Hux said as he climbed on top of him. He forced Ren to look at him. "Mo ghrá thú. Is tusa mo dhomhan!" Hux had tears in his eyes too now. "Please Ren! I want YOU! No one and nothing else." He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Ren's. "Ren! Grá mo chroí! How could you EVER think I would want ANYONE but YOU?"

Ren sobbed. "I'm sorry, Hux. I just don't see what you see." Hux held him tighter. 'I'm so sorry, Hux! I want to be what you need!' Ren thought as he sobbed into Hux's chest.

"Ren! Agra! Don't do this to yourself, please!" Hux begged as he cried.

"I just want you to be happy," Ren said as his tears slowed. "I think you deserve EVERYTHING and I'm...I'm NOTHING."

"You're everything to me Ren. Do you know what I said when I said 'Is tusa mo dhomhan'? Do you? It means 'You are my world'! Please believe it Ren!"

'He loves you,' Ren reminded himself as his crying slowed almost to a stop. 'No, I don't know why, but he does. Why are you trying to convince him not to? Because you don't think you deserve it. I DON'T deserve it. I KNOW I don't. But I want him and I love him.'

"I'm sorry, Hux," Ren whispered. "I'm such a mess."

Hux smiled. "Yeah, but you're MY mess."

Ren smiled at this. "Yeah, I am."

Hux rolled off of Ren and onto his back. He pulled him close to him.

"Ren, Grá mo chroí, I love you so much. Please, don't ever think less of yourself."

Ren closed his eyes and nuzzled into Hux's chest. "I'm sorry, I'll do better."

'I want to do better. For you. I'll try. I will. I love you.'

***

The next few days flew by. Ren was able to avoid Han at work pretty well. His dad still seemed to not care about him one way or the other. It filled Ren with so much anger. He tried not to let it get to him. He was too excited about taking Hux to Rey's for dinner Saturday.

Hux shaved while Ren was in the shower. Ren got out and stood behind Hux. He didn't even put a towel on, he just wrapped his wet arms around him and kissed his neck.

Hux sighed in pleasure. "Ren, I'm trying to shave, do you WANT me to cut myself?"

"Maybe you should just stop shaving," Ren suggested as he continued kissing his neck. He put his hands on his hips and started gently grinding into him. "You'd look good with a beard."

"Is that so?" Hux closed his eyes and set his razor on the counter. "Ren, we really don't have time for this. We'll be late."

"Rey won't mind," he replied as he reached one hand around to touch Hux. "She'll understand."  
Hux shook his head. "It would be rude for us to show up late."

"Come on Hux, we can make it quick," Ren suggested as he started to undo Hux's belt.

"Ren, stop, please," Hux begged sternly.

Ren immediately let go and stepped back. "Okay, sorry."

Hux looked at him in the mirror. "Thank you Ren," he said sincerely. He picked his razor up again. "We'll have time tonight. You should get dressed. We need to leave soon."

Ren nodded. "Yeah," he replied and went to their room to dress.

'It's not a big deal Ren. He just wants to make sure we're on time. Hux is like that.' He dressed and went out to the living room. Hux had finished shaving and was waiting for Ren on the couch.

Hux smiled at him and stood up. "You look nice," Hux said as he pulled Ren to him and kissed him.

"We're gonna be late," Ren teased when they pulled away.

Hux chuckled at him repeating his own words. "Then let's get going."

Ren held Hux's hand as they drove. 'I don't know WHY he's so Damn nervous. He's already met all three of them. And Rey is amazing. How could he NOT love her? I mean, I know she and I have history, but she's like the sweetest person in the world. I know Hux will learn to like her if he just gets to know her.'

Ren parked in front of Rey's house and sighed as he turned the car off.

Hux squeezed his hand gently. "You all right?"

Ren nodded. "Just thinking about how that house isn't my home any more," indicating his parent's house next door to Rey's. "I grew up there and now I'm not even welcomed." Ren sighed again. "I'm sorry. Let's just go in." Ren let go of Hux's hand and got out of the car. They walked hand in hand to the front door.

Rey opened it before they could knock. "Hey guys!" she said excitedly as she threw her arms around Ren. When she let go she looked at Hux with a bright smile. "It's nice to see you again too, Hux."

Hux nodded. "You as well."

"Come in!" she ushered them inside. "Finn! The boys are here!" She turned back to Ren and Hux and to Hux said, "Finn is a chef at Canyon Creek Bistro."

Finn stepped out of the kitchen and said, "Yeah, and after working ten to fourteen hour days, I'm STILL willing to come home and cook for your fat ass."

Rey turned to him and kissed him. "That's because you're amazing." Rey and Finn went back into the kitchen and Ren and Hux followed. Finn went back to cooking at the stove while Rey stood with him, wrapping her arms around him, deliberately getting in the way.

Poe stood in the dinning room filling a wine glass. "Hey guys! Like something to drink?"

"I'll take a beer," Ren said as he left Hux's side and helped himself to the fridge. "You want one Gingerbread?"

"A glass of wine would be lovely actually," Hux answered, more to Poe than Ren. "Thank you."

Poe got another glass and poured some wine for Hux.

"Well, dinner is ready," Finn announced as he and Rey brought the food to the table. Ren sat next to Hux as everyone took a seat.

'He's still so tense. If he'd just relax, he'd realize everything will be just fine.'

"So, why do you own so many books on war?" Poe asked Hux from across the table.

Hux shrugged. "It fascinates me," he answered as he finished his wine. Rey poured him some more without him asking. "Thank you," Hux said a little surprised by it.

"So, where do you hail from," Rey asked. "Your accent gives it away that you weren't born and raised here in the states."

Hux chuckled at this before he answered, "First four years of my life I lived in Ireland. We then moved to England. Probably every year it was a new town, so all over really. After my mum died Colonel took a position stateside on the east coast. I came out here when I was nineteen."

"Colonel?" Finn asked.

"I'm sorry, my dad."

"You call him Colonel?" Rey said with a laugh.

Hux looked at her very seriously. "Of course I do."

This got Rey to stop laughing. It was obvious it wasn't a laughing matter. Ren grabbed Hux's hand from under the table and smiled at him.

'It's okay Hux. We're among friends. I wish you wouldn't be so on edge.'

They talked as they ate and Hux continued to drink. Ren had never seen him drink that much before.  
'Maybe he wants to let loose a bit, help himself get more comfortable.'

After dinner, they all moved to the living room. Ren sat on the couch and pulled Hux into his lap. He didn't even seem to mind. It was obvious he was a little buzzed at this point. Poe sat next to them while Rey and Finn curled up on the loveseat together.

Hux was drinking, what Ren had counted as, his third scotch.

"Rey, how is it you managed to land two such AMAZING guys?" Hux asked.

"Hey," Ren said, "I think YOU landed a pretty amazing guy too."

Hux turned to Ren and kissed him deeply. 'He has had WAY too much to drink. I can taste it. But it DOES taste pretty good. Hux ALWAYS tastes so good.'

Hux pulled away. "Yes, Ren, but she has TWO!"

Rey laughed. "If Ren didn't mind, I'd let you borrow one of my boyfriends for a bit."

"Really?!" Hux asked excitedly. He looked at Poe and said, "You would make an excellent addition to my sex list."

Poe laughed. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind adding a red-head to my list."

"You guys ACTUALLY keep sex lists?" Ren asked.

Rey laughed harder. "It's not an actual physical list Ren."

"Speak for yourself," Poe said. "I was attempting to go through the entire alphabet at one point so I had to write them down to make sure I didn't unnecessarily duplicate a letter. Because believe you me, I only wanted to do it with that chick Ursala once."

"You slept with a chick named Ursala?" Hux questioned. "Was she a sea witch?" Hux laughed to himself.

"Well, she was as ugly as a witch," Poe replied. Hux laughed and took another drink from his scotch. "I like this guy, he thinks I'm funny."

"I also think you're cute," Hux added as he polished off the last of his drink.

Ren pulled Hux a little tighter to him. 'Poe is a huge flirt, but Hux is mine, so he better not.'

Poe smiled. "Well I think you're kind of cute too Hux."

Hux turned to Ren and whispered loudly, "You 'ear that? 'e thinks I'm cute." He was unconsciously using his Irish accent now.

"I heard him babe," Ren replied as he gave Poe a glare, which only made Poe laugh.

Hux turned back to Poe. "But you're with Rey," Hux whined.

Poe smiled. "She won't mind. She's not the only one who can have more than one person ya know."

"But I'M with Ren, and I'm pretty damn sure 'e'll mind."  
Poe smiled. "I don't know about that. Why don't we ask him?" To Ren he said, "What do ya say Ren, think I could borrow your boyfriend for an hour or so?"

"No, you can't," Ren answered as he kissed Hux's neck.

"Oh come on Renny, you can watch," he offered with a wink.

"Yes!" Hux said excitedly. He looked at Ren. "Or you could JOIN us! Wouldn't that be fun?!"

"Honey, you're drunk."

Hux smiled and rubbed his nose against Ren's. "Yeah, I am." He giggled.

"We're not gonna have sex with Poe," Ren told him.

A sad expression came across Hux's face. "Really?"  
Ren shook his head. "Sorry, it's not gonna happen."

Hux sighed. "Okay." He then smiled. "But can I 'ave sex with YOU?"

"Yeah, but not right now," Ren answered.

Hux grabbed his face and kissed him, forcefully shoving his tongue into his mouth. Ren sighed in pleasure. 'God, this is so amazing! If no one else was in the room, I'd peel his clothes off right now. No, I'd tear them off of him! God Hux, why do you have to be so hot?!'

Hux moved, so instead of sitting on Ren's lap, he straddled it. He kept kissing him and ran his fingers through his hair almost possessively. Ren was so involved making out with Hux's beautiful face, he didn't even hear the knock on the door.

Poe got up to answered it. "Mrs. Solo, what a pleasant surprise. Um, we weren't expecting you."

"I saw Ben's car outside," she informed him. "I wanted to stop by and say hi."

Poe looked uncomfortable. "Now may not be such a great time-"

Leia stepped inside past Poe. He sighed and closed the door. Leia stopped when she saw Ren and Hux on the couch together. She cleared her throat to get Ren's attention, but he was too focused on Hux. This made Rey giggle a bit.

"Ben," Leia said, but it did no good. Hux ran his fingers through Ren's hair and sucked on his neck. Ren wouldn't have noticed if there were bombs going off, he was so involved with Hux at that moment!  
Ren gave a soft moan as Hux gently nibbled at his neck. This was a final straw for Leia. "Benjamin Solo!"

Ren opened his eyes in shock. "Mom!" He tried to gently push Hux away, but he kept going at his neck. "Hux, stop. Mom's here."

This made Hux pull away. He looked at Ren in confusion for a moment and then turned. "Leia! Oh, it's so WONDERFUL to see you!" He turned back to Ren and vigorously tapped him on the shoulder as though he needed to get his attention. "Ren! Ren! Look who's 'ere! It's that God awful woman who let your father kick you out!"

"Hux, shh," Ren encouraged.

'He's gonna say something stupid. Just keep quiet please.'

Leia pursed her lips. "Ben, honey, could I see you for a moment."

"Leia," Hux said in a patronizing tone, "you're ALREADY seeing 'im." To Ren he said, "Your mother's not very observant is she? I see where YOU get it now." He giggled and started kissing Ren's neck again.

"Hux, stop," Ren ordered as he pushed him away at his chest. This got him to stop but he remained on Ren's lap.

It was obvious Leia was now upset. "Ben, I'd like to talk to you alone, please."

Looking back at Leia Hux replied, "And I think if you 'ave anything to say to 'im, you can say it to me. That way I can know 'ow 'orrible you and 'is father REALLY are." He looked back at Ren and smiled. "God Ren, 'ave I ever told you 'ow beautiful your eyes are? They're like two little caramel chocolates floating in cream."

Rey couldn't help laughing at this. The drastic change from Hux yelling at Leia and then showering Ren with adoration was too much for her.

Leia turned to her. "That is enough out of you young lady! And I am very disappointed in you! Allowing this kind of behavior in your home. Half of you shouldn't even be drinking! What would your grandparents think if they could see you now?"

Everyone could feel the tension in the room. Hux stood up, on very wobbly legs. "You know what I think? I think they'd be 'appy for 'er because she's 'appy. They'd be glad she's made something of 'er life. 'ow dare you come into 'er 'ome and tell 'er she's a disappointment! Who do you think you are?! You're a terrible mother to Ren, so you 'ave no right to try and parent Rey! Who is an adult 'erself, mind you. And if all you're going to do is berate those of us 'ere, I think you're probably VERY unwelcome and should leave!"

Ren's mouth dropped open slightly. 'Hux, oh Hux, honey, you are SO drunk! Please don't hate him mom. Please!' Ren begged silently.

"I'm leaving." She looked at Ren and said, "Good night Ben," before she turned on her heel and left.

"Good God, that woman is insufferable," Hux exasperated as he sat on Ren's lap again. "But I'd suffer for you my darling." He leaned in and gently nibbled on Ren's ear. "I'd take ANY pain you gave me," he whispered seductively. He kissed Ren's ear and then made his way to his jaw and then down to his neck. "Oh God, yes Ren," he whispered. "I want you to 'urt me. Make me moan and bleed for you."

"Okay then," Poe said. "I think I'll be leaving the room now."

"No, we should just head home," Ren said as he made Hux stand. He grabbed his hand. "We should get going babe."

"Whatever you say, Master," Hux smiled.

"Thanks for having us over guys, it's been nice," Ren said as he headed to the door.

"Yes, thank you SO much," Hux interjected. "It was truly delightful!" And with that, they said their good nights and left for home.

Ren had to practically drag Hux up the stairs to their apartment. Once inside, he closed and locked the door behind them and took Hux to bed.

He made Hux sit down and started to undress him. Hux smiled. "Are you trying to seduce me Ren?"

'I love how he says may name with that accent! If he weren't drunk, I'd fuck him right now.'

"No, I'm just getting you undressed for bed," Ren answered.

Hux grabbed his face. "You could get me undressed for something else," he suggested as he pulled his face to his and kissed him.

Ren closed his eyes and moaned. Hux pulled him down on top of him and started to undress Ren.  
Ren pulled away. "Hux, you're drunk."

Hux laughed. "I'm not THAT drunk Ren. I can still get it up." To prove his point, he thrust his hips up toward Ren. Ren took a quick quivering breath as he felt Hux hard against him. "And I DO know what I'm saying. I know you want me Ren. I want you too." He slowly undid Ren's pants. "Please Ren. I'm begging you."

He grabbed Hux's hands. "No, I won't do it like this. You might be mad at me for it, but I won't. I'm sorry Hux." He moved to get off of him, but Hux pulled him tighter.

"Please Ren," he begged again. "I want you."  
Ren shook his head. "I can't Hux, I'm sorry." He pulled away.

Hux grew angry and started mumbling in Gaelic. 'Even angry it's beautiful.'

Hux got up and shoved Ren onto the bed and got on top of him. "I want you Ren!" There was suddenly tears in Hux's eyes. "Don't you love me?"

"You know I do-"

"Then why won't you make love to me?!" Tears fell from his eyes.

"Hux, I WANT to, but I wouldn't feel right about it." Hux looked away. "Hey, would YOU feel okay having sex with ME if I was drunk?"

"But I'm NOT drunk," Hux whined.

"Yes, you are."

Hux got off of him and laid in bed. "I just want you to love me Ren."

Ren sat behind him and traced his fingers along Hux's naked back. "I DO love you Hux."

Hux shook his head. "I don't think anyone has EVER loved me. I don't know if anyone could. Me mum loved me. But that was a long time ago."

'He never talks about his mom.'

"Tell me about her?" Ren asked.

"She was beautiful. I look so much like her." Ren laid down behind Hux and wrapped his arms around him as he talked. "I have her hair and her eyes. Her eyes were so beautiful. They were the color of Irish meadows. She told me once it was what made me dad fall in love with her, her eyes." Hux sighed. "And she had the sweetest voice. When she sang, it was like the voice of an angel." Hux closed his eyes. "She would have liked you Ren. I wish you could have met her. You would have loved her. Everyone did. She was the most amazing woman in the world."

Hux grew quiet, so Ren asked, "How'd she die?"

Hux didn't answer for a while. Ren wondered if he'd fallen asleep, but then he spoke, "Cancer. I watched her whither away to nothing. She was so sick. Even at the end she tried to comfort me." Hux scoffed at himself. "She was the one dying and I'M the one who needed comfort." Hux paused for a moment. "I miss her so much Ren!"

Ren pulled Hux close to his chest. "I know. I know."

'I wish I could make it better for you. I wish I could bring her back, even for one day, just for you.'

"Hux?" But he was asleep. Ren kissed the back of his head. "Sleep well, my prince."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux has a bad hangover from the night before. (I'm bad at summaries lol)

Hux groaned as he woke. His head hurt. It wasn't the worst hang over he'd ever had, but it was the most recent one. He sat up and grabbed at his head.

"You awake?" Ren asked as he poked his head inside from where he stood in the hall.

"Am I dead?" Hux asked. "I feel like it."

Ren smiled. "No, you're very much alive. Want me to make you some tea or something?"

Ignoring the question he asked "What happened last night?" He looked at Ren, waiting for him to answer.

Ren came into the room and sat on his side of the bed next to him. He smiled and brushed some hair out of Hux's eyes. "You drank... A lot."

Hux sighed. "That much I'm aware of. What else?"

"What do you remember?"

Hux thought. "Um, we were at Rey's. We ended up in the living room after dinner. Did I REALLY sit on your lap willingly?"

Ren laughed. "Yeah."

Hux sighed and put his hand on his forehead. "How embarrassing."

Ren stifled a laugh, making it come out as a giggle. "If you think THAT was embarrassing, you don't want to know what else you did."

Hux dropped his head. "What else?"

"You REALLY don't want to know."

Hux grabbed Ren's hand. "Tell me?"

"You suggested that we have a threesome with Poe."

Hux looked at him with disgust. "You're bloody joking."

Ren shook his head. "Nope, you were very flirty with him."

"Ugh, I am so sorry." Hux paused as he rubbed at his eyes. He looked back at Ren as he asked, "Was your mother there?"

Ren nodded. "She showed up. We didn't notice at first because you wouldn't stop making out with me. Later on you yelled at her and told her to leave."

Hux looked like he was going to be sick and not from the hangover. "Honestly? I hope I didn't say anything too horrible to her."

Ren bit his lip. "You said she was a 'god awful woman' and then later said she was a terrible mother."

"I didn't mean it!" Hux exclaimed. He grabbed his head again.

Ren squeezed his hand. "I know, sweetie, I know."

"But Leia doesn't," Hux replied frustratedly.

"I'll talk to her," Ren offered. "She'll understand."

Hux nodded. "Anything else?"

Ren grew silent. He wanted to tell Hux that they'd talked about his mom, but he didn't want him to be upset either. He decided to go with the former of the two choices. "You kind of had a break down. And you told me about your mom."

Hux quickly turned his head to look at Ren. "What did I say?"

"Not a lot," Ren assured him. "You said you looked like her. And you mentioned her cancer."

Hux closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. "Forget whatever I told you about her."

"Hux-"

"I said forget it!" he yelled as he turned back to Ren. "I NEVER want to discuss her, do you understand?"

"No, I don't," Ren answered as he turned so he was facing Hux directly. "Why don't you want to talk about her?"

"Because I don't," Hux answered angrily.

"But why? You obviously loved her! Why don't you want to talk about her?"

"Because I don't want to remember!" Hux yelled back. He grew quiet and added, "She was the only solace I had in my life and she was taken from me. There was nothing I could do. I don't WANT to think about her, Ren. I don't want to remember the hole she left in my life. Please, please respect that."

Ren rubbed his thumb against Hux's hand. "Okay, sorry."

"I'm sorry Ren," he said as he looked away. "I know I should be more open with you, but, my memories of her, they're mine and I don't want to share them, not with anyone." Hux sighed. "I've rarely even spoken to Phasma about her."

"Phasma didn't know her?"

Hux shook his head. "She never met her. Phasma and I didn't meet until we were about twelve. My mum died when I was nine." Hux took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling. "I have so little left of her. My memories mostly and I selfishly want to keep them to myself." He looked at Ren now and took his hands in his own. "Please understand Ren, this isn't about you. I want to share everything I am with you, but she's mine and I don't want to share her with ANYONE else."

Ren nodded. "I understand," he replied disappointedly.

Hux tilted Ren's face toward him. "Acushla," he stared into Ren's eyes for a moment. "Maybe, one day I'll feel okay enough to share those memories with you, but I just CAN'T right now. I'm so sorry."

Ren nodded, but Hux could tell he still wasn't happy about it. Changing the subject Ren said, "How about some breakfast?"

"You want me to make breakfast when I'm in this state?" Hux joked.

Ren shrugged. "I could make breakfast," he offered.

"Nope, nope," Hux said as he threw the blankets off of himself and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "I'll do it."

Ren wrapped his arms around him. "I can do it Gingerbread! I promise not to burn anything."

"No, I'll just do it."

Ren pulled him down to the bed and got on top of him. "We could just have something else for breakfast." He leaned down and whispered, "I've heard sex is a perfect cure-all for a hangover."

Hux smiled. "I don't think I've EVER heard that before. Where exactly are you getting your medical information?"

Ren shrugged. "I read stuff here and there." He then started kissing Hux's neck. He closed his eyes as he let the pleasure wash over him.

"God, Ren, why couldn't you have just done this last night when I asked?"

Ren stopped, pulled away, and looked at Hux. "You remember that?"

"It's hazy, but I remember parts of it. I obviously don't remember my break down about my mother, but I do recall begging you to fuck me."

Ren looked away, anywhere but Hux's eyes. "Sorry, I didn't think you were sober enough."

Hux took his face in his hands. "Ren, beloved, you don't have anything to feel guilty about! It was the right thing to do. Thank you!" Though Ren's face was right in front of his, he refused to meet his gaze. He just nodded in reply. Hux kissed him deeply. "Ren," he whispered. "Make love to me?"

Ren finally met his eyes. Hux couldn't help thinking that his eyes were so expressive. They gave away his emotions, even when the rest of his face tried to hide it. Hux stroked Ren's cheek gently. He closed his eyes and moved into his touch. "You do know that I love you, don't you?"

Ren kept his eyes closed as he nodded. "And I love you too, Hux. More than anything in the world."

They made love that morning. Hux didn't know if it was just him, but Ren seemed more hesitant. Or was it more gentle? Hux couldn't tell, he just felt things were different this time. Hux assumed Ren was trying to be kinder because of his drunken break down. It annoyed Hux a bit. He wasn't a child who needed coddled! But he supposed it was more for Ren's sake than his own.  
Hux held Ren tightly after they had finished. He ran his fingers through Ren's hair. He closed his eyes and thought about his mother.

She was so beautiful. She seemed to always have a smile on her face. Hux remembered that. Her smile could light up a room. Even as she was slowly dying, her smile was as bright as the sun.

Hux recalled the story his mother told him, about when she had first met his father. He asked her to tell him the story over and over again. The way she described it, it seemed like a fairy tale.

"Can you tell me the story about 'ow you and da met, again?" a seven year old Hux begged his mother as she tucked him into bed.

Caoimhe smiled. "Armie, you've heard it a thousand times."

"Please Ma?!" he begged as he squirmed under his blankets.

Caoimhe held him still. "All right, but then you have to sleep." Hux nodded as he got comfortable. Caoimhe smiled down at her son as she brushed his hair from his eyes.

"I remember it like it was yesterday, Armie. There I was, placing flowers on each table. I had been hired to make the arrangements for a large party that was being held. Your father was still just a Corporal then. He walked inside, close behind the Major he was meant to follow and learn from. Our eyes met across the room. My heart stopped for just a moment. My breath caught in my throat. This simple man, so perfect in all his imperfections was like a light in a darkened room. A single bright candle set to guide the way."

"Tell me what he said when he first talked to you," Hux begged drowsily.

Caoimhe lovingly stroked his forehead. "He said 'you surpass the beauty of each of these flowers my dear'."

Hux smiled to himself. "And what did you say Ma?"

Before Caoimhe could answer, another voice came from the doorway. "That's enough!" Caoimhe and Hux both looked up. Brendol stood in the doorway, an angry scowl on his face. "It's time for Armitage to sleep now."

"Of course Brendol," Caoimhe said quickly. She kissed Hux on the head, stood up, and quickly exited the room.

Brendol didn't even offer a 'good night' to his son as he turned off the light, closed the door, and left. Hux closed his eyes to force himself to sleep, but he could hear the shouting before he could.

"I've had enough of you telling him ridiculous tales!"

"There's no harm in it, Brendol!" Caoimhe argued.

"No harm!? You fill his head with fantasies and you see no harm?!"

"He's a child!"

"Who will never grow to be a man if I don't stay your hand! If you have your way he'll end up poor and stupid like you!"

Hux opened his eyes. He didn't want to remember. He pushed the memory away. Pushed away the words his father used against his gentle mother.

Ren looked up at him. "You okay?"

Hux shook his head, trying to get the memories to leave. "I'm fine. I should just get up." He moved away from Ren and put his feet on the floor, but he sat there without moving.

Ren sat up and put a hand on his arm. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Hux closed his eyes, trying to keep his tears in. "I'm fine, I just... I need a moment." Ren moved behind Hux and wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder. "I said I'm fine, Ren."

"I know, but I want to do whatever I can. And I know there's not much else I can do."

Hux sighed. "Thank you." After a moment he finally pulled away. "We really ought to get up. We certainly can't stay in bed all day."

"Why not? That sounds like fun to me," Ren replied as he pulled Hux to him again.

Hux laughed. "Let go of me, Ren."

"Never," he whispered in return as he kissed his neck.

Hux closed his eyes and replied with shaking breaths, "You are absolutely evil, you know that?"

"Mhm," he replied as he started sucking on his neck.  
Hux bit his bottom lip. "You're going to leave a mark."

"Yep, gonna leave a mark here, and a mark here, and a mark here," Ren replied, moving down Hux's neck and to his shoulder. He reached around and slipped his hand into the front of his pants.

Hux gasped. "Ren. Please. Don't." he puffed out between breaths.

"Why not, Hux? Don't you want me to? Don't you like it?"  
Hux took a deep breath. "You know I do, Ren."

"That's good," Ren whispered as he nibbled on Hux's ear.

"We REALLY should get up though."

Ren chuckled. "I'm pretty sure you ARE getting up."

This made Hux laugh as well, but then he almost immediately went back to his heavy breathing. "Oh, God! Ren, please?"

"Come on, baby," Ren whispered as sweetly as he could. "Just once more. Then we can get up and do whatever you want. Please?"

Hux felt like he couldn't take it any more. He was about to agree when Millicent dashed in and jumped on the bed next to them.

"Go away," Ren said as he tried to shoo her away. Then, abruptly, he let go of Hux entirely and jumped back, scooting himself as far away from Millicent as he could. "Oh my God. She has a fucking mouse!"

"What?" Hux looked down at his beloved cat. "Millie, sweetie, what do you have there? Did you bring Daddy a present?" He started petting her and she purred loudly.

"Hux, she has a mouse! Do something!"

"Oh of course," he grabbed his phone and took a picture of her. "Yes, Daddy is so proud of you! Who is my big hunter? Yes, it's you my love." He rubbed his head against hers.

Ren looked at him in complete shock and disgust. "Don't praise her! Get that thing out of here!"

"What's the matter, Ren? You don't like mice?"

"No, I don't. They're disgusting and full of all kinds of diseases. Get it out!"

Hux shrugged. "My little kitty was just showing her daddy how wonderful a predator she is." He reached over and scratched under her chin. "Yes, my ferocious beast. You make Daddy so proud."

"You're fucking insane!"

Hux threw his head back and laughed. "She needs to know she's special and how much I love her. She needs love and attention just as much as YOU do. You're kindred spirits in that way."

"Will you please just get rid of that thing?" Ren begged.

"Very well." He stood up. "Come Millie, we need to dispose of that. Come now, pick it up. Good girl! Follow Daddy." She followed him out of the room. He made her take it to the can of rubbish and drop it in. Cats are difficult to train, but he'd managed to get her to do this for him. He always praised her and gave her extra treats. She was his little angel. He loved doting on her in this way.

Ren peeked around the corner. He looked like he was afraid the mouse would come back to life and attack him. Hux smiled at him encouragingly. "Is it gone?" Ren asked.

"We've thrown it away my love."

Ren stepped threw the doorway. He had his arms wrapped around himself. "I REALLY hate mice."  
"  
Acushla, it's all right," Hux went to him and pulled him into his arms. "It's been taken care of."

Ren pulled away. "You took a fucking picture!" he reminded him.

"I always take a picture of Millicent and her conquests," Hux replied.

Ren looked at him in complete disbelief. "You what?"

"I plan to make a whole scrapbook of them one day."

"You're crazy, you know that?"

Hux laughed. "You wouldn't be the first to tell me that."  
Ren shook his head, turned around, and left. Hux smiled as he picked up Millicent and scratched her head. "He doesn't understand us Millie." He kissed her head and set her back on the floor. He then followed Ren back to their room. Hux leaned against the doorframe watching Ren as he dressed.

Ren turned and looked at him. He was in nothing but a pair of jeans. "What?" he asked self-consciously.

Hux smiled. "I just like looking at you," he answered.

"Don't know why," Ren replied as he got an under tank from a dresser drawer and put it on.

"Oh come now, Ren," Hux said as he pushed himself away from the doorframe and walked toward him. He put his arms around his waist and pulled Ren to him, his bare chest against Ren's back. "You MUST know how beautiful I find you." He kissed his cheek.

Ren smiled. "Yeah."

Hux nuzzled his neck and breathed in deeply. "And you always smell amazing. Have I ever told you that?"

Ren chuckled. "No."

"Well, you do and I love it. I love everything about you, grá mo chroí."

Ren scoffed. "Okay, if you say so." He gently tried to pull away, but Hux held him tight. "You are perfect to me in ever way Ren." He kissed his cheek again. "Never forget that."

Ren smiled. "You're sweet." He pulled away. "I've got to get going."

Hux looked at him in confusion. "Why? Where are you going?"

"Mom texted me and asked me to lunch," Ren answered as he put on a plain black t-shirt.

"Oh, all right."

Ren looked at him. "Why do you sound so disappointed?"

Hux shook his head. "I'm not." He sighed. "I just sincerely hope you can square things with her. I REALLY didn't mean what I said."

Ren pulled him close and said, "I know. babe." He kissed him.

Hux grimaced. "Would you PLEASE stop calling me that?"

Ren smiled and rubbed his nose against his. "You know you love it," he teased. He kissed him quickly. "I've got to go."

"Alright. Have fun!" Hux called as Ren grabbed a jacket and headed out.

Hux laid down on the bed and sighed. It was strange to not have Ren around. He had grown so accustomed to his presence. He was always around. And Hux realized he didn't miss the solitude he once had. He craved for Ren to be there, to be near him at all times.  
It had never been like that with DJ.

DJ always wanted Hux with him. He was always so jealous too. He wouldn't let Hux spend time with even Phasma.

"What's wrong with you?" Hux asked as he got dressed to leave.

"You're going out with bitchface, again," DJ replied.

"Don't call her that."

"You trying to tell me what to do?"

Hux sighed. "No. I meant PLEASE don't call her that. I don't care for it." He checked his hair in the mirror.

"I'll call her whatever I want," he replied.

"Why are you being like this?" Hux asked, annoyed.

"Being like what?"

"Never mind," Hux said as he ran a comb through his hair.

"Why are you going out with her? You go out like EVERY weekend!"  
Hux sighed. "We don't go out EVERY weekend," Hux corrected. "And this is important to Phasma, she wants to celebrate. Being in remission is a huge thing to celebrate."

"Fine, go out with her, I'll just stay here by myself, again."

"You're hardly home yourself," Hux argued. "And then when you ARE all you do is drink and try to fuck me."

"Well, excuse me that when I have time off I want to be with YOU and show you that I care!" DJ argued back.

Hux took a deep breath. "I know your time home is limited because of work. I get that. But I still need time for me. I have other obligations outside of you."

"Whatever," DJ said as he leaned back on the bed. "You just don't want to spend time with me, selfish prick."

"Will you stop?" Hux asked angrily. "I WANT to spend time with you, but I would still like to spend time with my friends."

"You don't have any friends," DJ reminded. "You have bitchface and that's it."

"Fine, I'd like to spend time with my FRIEND. Is that better?"

"No," DJ answered. "I don't want you spending ANY time with her!"

"Why not?! She's my best friend!"

"She's trying to get into your pants," DJ tried to convince him.

Hux laughed. "You're kidding me right? Phasma is NOT interested in sleeping with me at all."

"Are you stupid?" DJ asked. "Why would ANYONE want to be friends with you otherwise?"

Hux paused. "Is that all I'm good for to you? I'm just a decent shag from time to time."

DJ scoffed. "Only from time to time. Quite often you're a terrible lay."

"I'm sorry I'm SUCH a disappointment to you," Hux replied, trying not to let angry tears fall.

"Get over yourself Armitage!"

Hux turned to him. "Don't EVER call me that!"

"Armitage? I can call you that if I want. I can call you whatever I damn well please!"

Hux snarled. "DON'T. EVER! CALL. ME. THAT!"

"What are you gonna do, huh? Armitage?"

"Don't!"

"Armitage. Armitage! ARMITAGE!"

"I said stop!" Hux yelled as he took a swing at him. But DJ easily evaded it, grabbed Hux's arms and pinned him to the bed.

"What do you think you're going to do, Armitage? You think you can stop me from doing what I want?"

"I'm sorry DJ. I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me!" Hux begged, tears falling from his eyes.

"You think I shouldn't punish you for being such a little dick to me?"

"I'm sorry!" Hux pleaded. "Please don't hurt me! Please!"

"You think I enjoy smacking you around for being such a shit? Maybe if you'd learn to behave better, I wouldn't have to punish you."

"DJ, I love you," Hux reminded him. "And you love me! You don't have to do this. I won't do it again, I promise. I shouldn't have yelled. You can call me whatever you'd like. Please, I'm sorry!" Hux sobbed.

"You're such a child," DJ said as he got off of him.  
Hux sat up. "I'm sorry. I'll do better."

DJ scoffed. "You say that all the time and then nothing changes. Sometimes I think you don't want to make things better for us."

Hux reached for him. "DJ, please." He wrapped his arms around him and rested his head between his shoulders. "I'm sorry. I'll stay home with you. I'll text Phasma and tell her I can't come out. I'm sorry. I'd much rather be with you."

DJ nodded. "Okay. But you still need to make it up to me for your behavior tonight."

"Of course!" Hux assured him. He quickly sent a text to Phasma telling her he wasn't feeling well and couldn't make it out that night. He set his phone down and looked at DJ. "How would you like me to make it up to you?" Hux whispered as he kissed him.

With their lips locked, DJ made Hux lay down and laid on top of him. DJ pulled away for a moment and whispered. "You know what I like."

Hux weakly smiled. "Of course master." He knew EXACTLY what DJ wanted and Hux hated it. He enjoyed being a little kinky here and there, but DJ liked more intense stuff than Hux.

DJ got off of Hux. "Strip," he ordered as he reached into his own trousers and started playing with himself.

Hux sat up and removed his shirt. He refused to look at DJ. Doing the dom and submissive thing was not enjoyable to Hux, but he wanted to make DJ happy. Especially after his deplorable behaviour.

Hux then removed his slacks and sat on the bed in nothing but his boxer briefs.

"Lay down and touch yourself," DJ commanded. Hux did as he was told. "Come on, tell me what you want."

Hux took a deep breath. "I want you."

"You can do better than that," DJ encouraged. He laid down next to Hux, but kept stroking himself. "Describe to me what you'd like."  
Hux shuttered. He closed his eyes. "I want you to hold   
me down while you thrust you big, hard dick into my ass. Over and over again."

"Go on," he encouraged.

"I selfishly want you to grab me while you keep thrusting in. I want you to pull out and then make me go down on you," Hux was breathing hard now.

DJ sat up and pulled his trousers and boxers down. He sat on the edge of the bed. "I want you down on your knees."

Hux whimpered slightly as he released himself. "Yes master," he breathed out as he got down on the floor. He put his hands on DJ's knees.

"No, not like that," DJ said as he got up. He went to his nightstand and took out a pair of handcuffs. He pulled Hux's hands behind him and put them on him. He closed them as tightly as he could. Hux winced in pain, but didn't object. This really turned DJ on, so he wanted to do it for him, even if he himself didn't get any pleasure from it.

DJ sat back down on the edge of the bed. "Now slave, you know how to give head don't you?"

"Yes master, you've taught me well."

"Good, now," he grabbed Hux's hair, "show me your loyalty slave. Show me that I'M your master."

Hux went down on him. Hux let himself enjoy it as well. He knew when DJ was almost finished, he was jutting his hips toward him, making him take as much of him as he could. He finally came and Hux swallowed like he was told to. Hux looked up at DJ awaiting for some kind of praise or acknowledgement. DJ had his eyes closed and was breathing hard.

"Was that good for you master?" Hux asked.

"It was acceptable," DJ answered as he moved so he could lay on the bed.

Hux remained on his knees. He was so hard. "May I finish master?"

DJ scoffed. "I'm not helping you."

Hux scowled. "Would you at least take these bloody cuffs off then?" he asked angrily.

"I think you're forgetting your place," DJ said as he looked at Hux.

Hux looked down. Obviously DJ wasn't done playing his role. Even after he'd finished, he'd sometimes like to continue with the game.

"I am sorry master. I would like to finish though, please, master."

"You can do it yourself."

"But my hands-" Hux tried to argue.

"Use the bed," DJ instructed.

Hux groaned as he stood up and leaned across the bed, humping the edge to try and finish.

DJ watched him without saying a word. Hux looked away, completely uncomfortable with having someone watch him try to get himself off.

"I want you to look at me," DJ said.

Hux sighed and looked back at him. They stared at each other, neither saying a word, until Hux finally finished with a groan. It wasn't the best orgasm he'd ever had, but at least he had finished.

He crawled up next to DJ. "Could you uncuff me now?"  
DJ laughed. "I think it's a good look for you," he teased.

"Funny, now take them off."

DJ was apparently in no mood to argue, so he unlatched them and laid back down. Hux rubbed at his wrists. "Next time you want to make sure they're not so bloody tight?"

"You're such a whinny bitch," DJ said as he closed his eyes.

Hux opened his eyes. He hadn't realized he'd dozed off thinking about DJ.

Hux rubbed at his eyes. He hadn't realized he was so exhausted. But that was how sleep had been for him for years now. Hux rarely was able to sleep when he laid down at night, and he was a bit of a workaholic, so often times, the only way he slept was when the exhaustion caught up to him. He sat up and sighed.  
He wondered how Ren was doing with Leia. He hoped things were going well.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren tries to diffuse the situation between his mother and boyfriend.  
> After an argument, Hux and Ren go out for the night.

Ren walked into the restaurant and looked around.  
'I don't know why Mom insists on coming here. This place is way too upscale for my taste. Hux might like it though. I mean, Hux likes nice things. And he DESERVES nice things.'

He finally caught sight of his mom just as the hostess approached him. "Ben, it's lovely to see you," she said with a smile.

Ren had to look at her name tag. 'I can't remember every Damn person who works here.'

"Hey Joyce. My moms over there," he waved a slight goodbye as he headed toward her. "Hey Mom," Ren said as he leaned down and kissed her cheek. "How are you?" He took the seat across from her.

"Good, how about yourself?"

"I'm fine," Ren answered. Ren looked over the menu.

'This is one of those places that are so damn expensive they don't even give you the prices! I don't fit in here. I know Mom does, she's so comfortable and relaxed. I guess I'll never be the son SHE wanted me to be either.'

"How's things at home?" Ren asked, needing to fill the silence between them.

"Good. Your sister is getting ready for her Christmas recital already. You should come," Leia encouraged.

"Yeah, sure. Hux and I would love to go," Ren said as he sipped some water from his glass.

Leia pursed her lips. "I don't think Jaina would feel comfortable with Hux there."

Ren laughed. "Are you kidding me? She loves Hux! She likes him more than she likes ME."

"Well, I think it would be best if it we're just family."  
Ren shook his head. "If I can't bring Hux I won't go."

"Ben, really!"

"We're a package deal, Mom," Ren argued a little too loudly. "You're going to have to accept it."

"I would hate to have him cause a scene, like last night."

Ren scoffed. "He was drunk. He didn't mean what he said."

Leia exhaled an exasperated breath. "In my experience drunkenness often makes one far more honest."

Ren looked away and bit his cheek. 'Don't get mad at her. She's just still upset about what Hux said last night.'

"What are you even DOING with a man like him? Someone who gets drunk like that-"

"Dad drinks all the time! And YOU'RE with him!"

"That's different, Ben."

"How? Because it's you and Dad? Or because I'm a stupid child who can't make decisions for himself?"

"Keep your voice down, Ben. You're embarrassing yourself."

Ren sat back in his chair and crossed his arms angrily. "More like embarrassing YOU. I'm sorry, Mom, I'll quiet down so you can leave with your precious reputation in tact."

Leia sat there quietly. 'She is so pissed at me. I shouldn't have said that.'

Ren sighed. "I'm sorry, Mom, that was rude," Ren said quietly. He refused to meet his mother's gaze.

"Yes, it was. Apology accepted." Leia sipped her wine.  
A waiter came to take their order. "I'll have my usual," Leia said.

"I'll have the soup of the day."

"Are you sure honey? Don't you want anything else?"

"I'm not that hungry," Ren replied.

The waiter left with their orders and they sat there quietly until their food arrived. Once it did, Ren circled the bowl with his spoon, but he didn't eat. "I'm sorry I'm a disappointment to you," Ren said quietly.

"I'm not disappointed in you, honey."

Ren sighed. "Yes, you are. When I came out to you, you were pissed."

"No, I wasn't," Leia disagreed. "I was just surprised. I always thought there was something more between you and Rey. I even perhaps hoped there was."

Ren continued to look down at his soup. He went on with, "You weren't happy when I refused to do the running start program."

"Well, it made sense, Ben. You would have graduated high school with your A.A. Then you would have been further ahead than you are now."

Ren paused. "I just don't feel like I can do anything right. Not by Dad. Not by you."

Leia reached over and grabbed Ren's hand. He looked up at his mom then. "I love you, Ben. I could never be disappointed in you. As long as you're happy, I'm happy."

"Except when it comes to Hux," Ren said as he pulled his hand away.

Leia sighed. "I just don't want to see you make a mistake."

"Hux isn't a mistake," Ren argued. He sighed. "I'm sorry you feel that way." He stood up. "But I love him." Ren started to walk away, but Leia caught his hand.

"I know, Ben." Leia sighed. "And I'll try to understand your position. Please, just..." there were tears in her eyes. "I don't want to lose you."

Ren knelt down beside her chair. "You'd have to try a lot harder than that to get rid of me," he joked. He wiped the tears from his mother's cheek. "I love you. That will never change." He stood up and kissed his mother's forehead. "I'll call you later this week."

Leia looked up at her son, smiled, and nodded. Ren then left. 'Good job holding it together in there,' Ren praised himself. He got into his car and drove out of the parking lot, faster than anyone would deem necessary. 'God Damn it! I LOVE him! Why can't she see that? Hux is all I want. He's all I've EVER wanted. He makes me feel like who I am is okay. He doesn't try to change me or make me something I'm not. He LOVES me! He loves me just the way I am.'

Ren went back to the apartment. He was confused when he realized Hux wasn't there. 'You don't have to panic. He probably stepped outside for something. Don't worry. Everything is fine.'

Ren sat down on the couch and texted him. 'Where the Hell r u?!'

As though being called by some unforeseeable force, Hux walked through the front door with a laundry basket. "My apologies, I needed to get laundry done."  
As soon as he closed the door, Ren was on him. Hux dropped the basket as Ren pushed him against the door. "I missed you too," Hux teased.

"Shut up and kiss me," Ren demanded as he pressed his mouth to his. He grabbed Hux by the waist and lifted him.

Hux pulled away. "Ren, what has gotten into you?"  
Ren's only answer was to start biting Hux's neck. He moaned in pleasure. "God, Ren! Put me down. Please," he asked weakly.

"No," Ren answered. "I'm gonna fuck you. Right here. Right now." He let go of him and turned him around, shoving him against the door.

"What the fuck Ren!"

Ren started undoing his pants and he whispered to Hux, "I want you. I want you so bad. Oh God, Hux, I'm gonna fuck you so hard."

"Ren, stop," Hux said as he tried to push himself from the door, but Ren shoved him back. "Ren, that's enough."

"It's enough when I say it is!" Ren replied as he reached around to undo Hux's pants. "I want you!"

Hux shoved away from the door, pushing Ren from him. He turned to face him. "What the Hell, Ren!? I said that's enough! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Ren paused. 'I went too far. Shit! How do I fix this!?'

"I'm sorry, Hux," Ren said as he reached for him.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Hux yelled. "You don't have access to my body just because you WANT it! How dare you!"

Ren did his pants back up. "Hux, I'm sorry. I just... I want you. I NEED you!"

"And I need you to respect me! I thought you said you wouldn't ever try to force me to do something I didn't want to do! How... How fucking dare you!"

Tears formed in Ren's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Hux. I'm so sorry! Forgive me please! I can't have you hating me too!"

Hux took a deep breath. "I don't hate you. I'm just severely disappointed in you."

Tears fell from Ren's eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm a disappointment to EVERYONE!" Ren dropped down to the couch and buried his face in his hands.

"What happened at lunch?" Hux asked as he sat down next to him.

Ren pulled his face from his hands, but he didn't look at Hux. "Nothing."

"This isn't 'nothing', Asthore." He put a hand on Ren's shoulder. "What happened?"

Ren looked off into the distance. "I just can't do anything right. I'm a disappointment to everyone around me."

"Ren, I love you-"

"But I'm still a fuck up!" Ren yelled as he stood up from the couch. "I can't do anything right!"

Hux stood up and went to him. "Ren, beloved," Hux said as he reached for him. But Ren shoved him away.

"Don't you understand Hux! I'm a totally fuck up! Sooner or later I'm gonna screw this up too!"

Hux snarled in anger. "Are you LOOKING for an out, Ren? Because if you want to be done with this, with US, you know where the door is. You don't have to find an excuse. If you want to go, then go!"

Ren continued to cry. "I don't want out, Hux," he whispered. "I want YOU. But, I know eventually, you're gonna want someone and something else. I'm a dumb kid. I can't do anything right!" He turned around and slammed his fist against the wall. "I'm just... FUCK!" He turned and got into Hux's face. "Admit it, Hux! You don't want me!"

"Why in the Hell would you think that?! What gave you THAT bloody idea?"

"Why WOULD you?! Look at me, Hux! I'm just..."

Hux grabbed his wrists. "You're just WHAT, Ren? A disappointment? A screw up? You're none of that to me! Mo chuid den tsaol! I hate it when you think of yourself this way! Ren?" He gently grabbed his chin and tilted his head toward himself. "Look at me." Ren refused to meet his gaze. "Look at me, Ben!" This caught Ren's attention and made him look up. "I LOVE you. I don't give a shit what your parents think. I think you're AMAZING! Mo ghrá thú. I could never stop loving you. You believe me, don't you?" Ren sniffled and nodded. "I want to hear you say it," Hux instructed.

Ren nodded again. "I believe you."

"Good," Hux said as he pulled Ren to himself. Ren buried his head in his chest. "Forget the rest of the world my love. Is tusa mo dhomhan."

"What does that mean?"

'I don't usually care because I just like hearing him speak it. But I want to keep hearing his voice.'

"You smell like boiled cabbage," Hux joked. This made Ren laugh.

"What's it REALLY mean?"

Hux ran his finger's through Ren's hair. "You are my world," Hux whispered his answer. He kissed the top of Ren's head and held him close. They stood that way for some time, until Hux broke the silence. "We should go out. Go and do something. What do you think?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah, that sounds nice. What do you want to do?" he asked as he looked up at Hux.

"Honestly," Hux answered, "I hadn't thought that far ahead." He pulled away and sat on the couch, pulling Ren down to his lap. He wrapped his arms around him and smiled up at him. "Anything you'd like to do? Within reason?"

Ren smiled down at Hux. "You're adorable, you know that?"

Hux rolled his eyes. "Am I? I had no idea you thought that, my sweet," he replied sarcastically as he brushed hair from Ren's eyes.

"Well, then I need to make sure I tell you that more often." He leaned in and kissed Hux gently. "Do you like pool? There's a bar I know that's not far from here-"

"You can't go into a bar," Hux reminded him. "Since you're all of twenty years old."

Ren smiled wickedly. "Oh, Hux, darling, do you know me so little? What would give you the impression that I wouldn't have a fake ID?"

Hux scrutinized him for a moment. "You REALLY DO have a fake ID. Why am I not in the least surprised?"

"Cause I'm a rebel," Ren answered as he stood up. He grabbed Hux's hands and pulled him to his feet.

"You're a menace, that's what you are." Hux kissed him. "All right, but you're not drinking anything stronger than beer. You understand?"

Ren smiled. "Yes Daddy."

Hux cringed. "Don't EVER call me that. That's disgusting."

Ren laughed. "Sorry, Mom." Hux grabbed a throw pillow and smacked Ren with it. Ren just laughed more. He pulled Hux to him and kissed him. "I love you." He let go and grabbed his hand. "Let's get going."

***

They arrived at the bar Ren had chosen. It was a small quiet place, it was plenty busy for the size of the establishment.

'Hux doesn't think my ID will get me in. I can tell he's all kinds of nervous.' Ren proudly presented his ID to the bouncer and he was admitted. He turned around to Hux and gave him a wink as he walked in. Hux followed after.

In a low whisper Hux said to Ren, "Do you have any idea what will happen if you get caught?"

"Relax, Gingerbread, no one is gonna know." Ren walked up to the bar and waved to get the bartender's attention.

"What'll it be, Ren?" the scantily clad woman asked. She had long dark hair, with blond high lights. She was tall, slender, and dark skinned. Hux couldn't determine if she was of Hispanic decent or just obsessed with tanning.

"Pitcher of Guineas and two glasses," Ren answered.  
She turned around and filled the pitcher from the tap. She handed it and two glasses to Ren. "Keep your tab open, heartbreaker?"

Ren smiled at her. "You know me too well." He picked up the pitcher and glasses and then ushered Hux to an empty pool table.

"I'm going to take a stab here, but I'm guessing you're awfully good at this."

Ren shrugged as he started to set up the table. "I've played a time or two. And let's face it, we both know I'm pretty good at handling balls." He winked at Hux.

Hux just smiled and shook his head as he poured a glass for each of them. They played one game where Hux won without even trying. "You let me win, didn't you?" Hux called Ren out.

"Well, maybe I went EASY on you, but I didn't LET you win."

Hux glared playfully. "You've hustled pool a time or two haven't you?"

Ren shrugged in answer. "I'm gonna grab another pitcher." He turned and walked back to the bar.

"So, who's the sexy ginger?" Bianca, the bartender, asked as she took the pitcher and filled it again.

"That's my super sexy boyfriend," Ren answered.

Bianca nodded. "He IS pretty sexy. Poe isn't jealous is he?" she teased.

"You're cute," Ren replied as he grabbed the pitcher and headed back to the table. Hux had already set up and was chalking his cue. "I won, so you can break," Hux said as Ren approached.

He set down the pitcher and crabbed his cue stick. He broke and sunk a solid. "Tough luck, Gingerbread. Looks like I'll end up winning this one." Ren started to line up his next shot.

Hux got behind him and whispered, "I know that's not the hole you WANT to sink something into."

Ren smiled. "You're just trying to throw me off my game. Not gonna work."

Hux placed his hand on Ren's thigh. "I'm sure I can get you a little less focused."

'Nope, I am NOT gonna let him get to me like that. Just focus.' Ren drew back and hit the cue ball. It went way off from where he'd intended.

"Oh, what a shame, Ren," Hux mocked. "I REALLY thought you had it. Oh, well, tough luck." He filled his glass and immediately drank half of it. "Now, I'll show YOU how it's done."

Ren stood behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. "You know, you were right about that not being the hole I want to put something in."

Hux smiled. "You're deplorable. I mean, ADORABLE." With Ren still wrapped around him, he aimed the cue stick and struck the ball, sinking two of his own into a pocket. Hux looked at him and smiled.

"I'm gonna figure YOU'RE the one who's hustled pool before," Ren said smiling at him.

Hux feigned innocents. "I haven't the foggiest notion what you mean!" He drained his glass and grabbed the pitcher. "I'll grab us another." He left for the bar.

Bianca, the bartender greeted him with a smile. "Another one for you boys?"

"Please," Hux answered. He took out his wallet and added, "Also like to close the tab."

"Sure thing, Ginger." She handed him the pitcher as he handed her two twenties.

"Keep the change," he said as he put his wallet away.  
"You know they're only five dollar pitchers, right?"

Hux shrugged. "I was a bartender back in the day, so I understand."

"Okay then. So, how long you and Ren been together?"

"A couple of weeks. He frequents this establishment?"

Bianca shrugged. "From time to time, always thought there was a thing going on with him and his buddy Poe." She turned to help another customer.

Hux could feel his face burning. He didn't like Rey and he certainly wasn't pleased about Poe. He shook his head and turned to head back to the pool table, but he bumped into a guy who was standing a bit closer than he should have been. "Sorry, pardon me," Hux offered politely as he tried to push past him, but the man moved in his way. "Excuse me," Hux offered again, getting a bit more irritated.

Another man stepped up next to the first. "Where you think you're going Tinkerbell?" the second man said.

"Pardon me!" he tried to move past him, but they blocked his path.

"We don't like fairies like you and your boy, here," the first man said.

"Yeah," the second began, "sausage suckers like you should find your own kind of place."

"Excuse me," Hux said, still trying to be polite. His face was turning redder with each passing moment. "I'd like to get by."

"And we'd like YOU to get out. Flamers like you and your gym bunny don't belong here."

"Well, you're making it awfully difficult for me to leave," Hux retorted. "Now, if you'll excuse me-"

The first man moved in front of him. "What's it like Tink? Having a dick shoved up your ass?" He stepped closer to Hux. "I'd be interested in finding out what it's like to ride an ass like yours."

"Move out of the way, now, please," Hux said sternly.

"Oh, he's so polite," the second guy said.

"I said, move!" Hux tried to push past him, but the guy was bigger and pushed him back against the bar.

"You look like a sweet little piece of ass. I think you'd like my dick inside you."

"Hey!" Ren called to the guy. He turned around and Ren punched him. The second guy swung at Ren and hit him in the jaw. He stumbled back, but he quickly regained his balance and swung, hitting him in the eye. Ren then grabbed his head and kneed him in the face. As the guy dropped to the ground, the other grabbed a chair and hit Ren in the back. Ren fell to the ground. The guy was on top of him, turned him around and started punching him in the face. Ren tried to get his hands up to block, but he couldn't. Before he knew what was happening, Hux tackled the guy! They were rolling across the floor, both of them trying to get the upper hand. Hux finally won and started punching him. He quickly got up and went to Ren. "Are you okay?" He helped Ren up. "We need to get out of here, now!" He grabbed Ren's hand and quickly dragged him out of the bar. "Give me your keys!" Hux demanded as they got to the car. Ren handed them to him and they got in. Hux drove away as quickly as he could. He was silently seething as he drove.

Ren glanced over at Hux. 'He's so pissed.' He reached over to touch his arm, but Hux pulled it away angrily.

"What in the HELL was that, Ren?!"

"I-"

"Do you realize what would have happened if the police were called?! How stupid can you be?!"

Tears stung his eyes. "I'm sorry, Hux-"

"Sorry isn't going to keep you out of jail!"

They both were quiet for the rest of the drive. Ren followed Hux up the stairs and in to the apartment. "Let's get you cleaned up." Ren sighed and followed Hux to the bathroom. "Sit down," Hux instructed as he started pulling things out of the mirror cabinet.

"I'm sorry," Ren offered again.

Hux turned to him. "Hush," he said gently as he started to clean the blood off of Ren's face. "You were incredibly stupid back there." Ren looked down ashamed. "Ren, if the cops had gotten involved-"

"They didn't!" Ren argued as he looked up at him.

"But they COULD have." Hux sighed. "I just worry about you, Agra."

"I'm sorry," Ren repeated. "But you don't need to worry about-"

"Oh, please, Ren," Hux interrupted. "You're reckless and impulsive. I'd be a fool NOT to worry about you."

Ren chuckled at that. "I guess that's true."

Hux knelt down in front Ren, placing his hands on his knees. He looked up at him and asked, "Why do you feel you have to prove yourself to the rest of the world?"

Ren looked at him in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"THIS, Ren!" Hux indicated as he grabbed Ren's chin. "You didn't have to get involved."

"I was defending you!"

"You think I can't defend MYSELF?"

Ren looked away embarrassed. "No, you can."

"I DO appreciate it, but I can take care of myself. I have been for years."

"I know," Ren said with a sigh. "But I just want to take care of you."

"I don't NEED you to," Hux replied.

"But I WANT to, though!" Ren argued back.

Hux dropped his head in Ren's lap. "Ren, oh, Ren. I love you dearly." He looked up again. "But I don't NEED you to."

Ren nodded. "I know." He gave up arguing. He knew there was no winning this one.

Hux stood up and kissed the top of Ren's head. He grabbed his hand. "Come with me." He lead him to their room. "Sit," he instructed gently. Ren sat as Hux kissed him. He then knelt down in front of him.

"Hux, you don't-"

"I WANT to, Ren." He kissed his knee. "I want to give this to you, please?"

"Hux, I-"

"Are you saying no?" Hux asked.

Ren sighed and looked away. "I just don't deserve something like that. I've been such a shit to you today-"

"ARE you telling me, no?" Hux asked again. "I'd like to do this for you, Ren, because I love you."

Ren looked him in the eyes. "I don't deserve you, ya know?"

Hux smiled. "You're right, you deserve far better."

Ren smiled. "That's unfortunate, since I already have the best."

Hux rolled his eyes and grinned. "Shut up and take your damn pants off."

"Yes, sir," Ren teased as he undid his pants and pulled them down. Hux took his shoes and socks off, and then pulled his pants off the rest of the way. He ran his hands up one of Ren's legs. He tipped his head back as he closed his eyes. "Oh God, Hux!"

"Yes, Ren, darling?" Hux asked seductively as he put his hands on his hips, grabbing the band of his boxers.

Ren started breathing heavily. "I fucking LOVE you!"

Hux grinned. "I haven't even hardly touched you."

"I know. I want you to touch me even more! Please?"

Hux kissed the inside of his left thigh. "Be patient, M’fhíorghrá. I'll touch you far more. Just. Be. Patient." With each word, he placed a gentle kiss on his right thigh. Ren moaned in pleasure as he gripped tightly to the bed sheets.

'God! I want his mouth on me!' He reached over and ran his right hand through his hair. 'I love when he licks the inside of my thigh like that. God, Hux! I fucking LOVE you!'

Hux looked up at Ren. "You want me to put you in my mouth, don't you, Ren?"

"Yes! Oh, God, yes! Please?!" Ren begged.

Hux pulled his boxers down as Ren lifted his ass to help. "You're so big, Ren. It's going to feel so good having you in my mouth." He leaned forward and licked the head of his penis, teasing another moan from Ren's lips. He then quickly put him in his mouth.

'Fuck! Hux!' Ren thought he had tears forming, he was in so much pleasure. 'It's not gonna take me long. Oh, God!' He put his other hand in his hair, grabbing tightly with both hands.

"Hux! I'm. So! CLOSE!" Hux took him deeper, telling him silently it was okay for him to come. Ren moaned and shook as he finished. "Hux, I FUCKING love you!"

Hux licked his lips. "I love you too, Ren." He stood up and straddled him. "Oh so much." He kissed him, letting Ren taste himself through his mouth.

Ren pulled away. "Let me help you finish," Ren suggested as he reached between Hux's legs.

Hux grabbed his hand. "No, I'll do it. I want to finish all over you. Take off your shirt." Ren did so immediately. "Lean back," Hux ordered as he undid his own pants.

"Take your shirt off too. Please?"

"Anything for you, Asthore," he replied as he removed his shirt. He stood up and took off everything else. He straddled him again and grabbed himself. "I think you're absolutely wonderful, Ren. You're beautiful!" Hux stroked himself harder. "Fuck, Ren! I'm gonna paint my cum all over you and then lick it off!"

"I want you to come inside me!" Ren begged as he rested his hands on Hux's hips.

"Not tonight," Hux replied. "Tonight, I'm gonna come all over your chest!" He started pumping harder. "Yes! God, Ren! You ready for this? I'm-Gonna-Come!" He shouted as he orgasmed, coating Ren's chest with his spend. He rolled off and laid next to him. "Fuck, Ren! I fucking love you."

Ren kissed his cheek. "I love you, too."

Hux got his smokes and lit up. He wrapped his other arm around Ren's shoulders.

"Mind if I clean up?" Ren asked.

"Shit! Ren, I'm sorry. I'll get a towel." Hux quickly got up, putting his cigarette out.

Ren smiled. "You're adorable when you're flustered like that."

Hux disappeared into the bathroom and came back with a towel. He threw it at Ren. "Fuck you," Hux said as he laid back down and lit a new cigarette.

"I asked you to and you said no," Ren teased as he cleaned himself up.

Hux playfully glared at him. "You're such a twat."

Ren chuckled. "Sure, if you say so." Ren curled up into Hux's side and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry about earlier."

"Which earlier?" Hux asked. "When you tried to rape me, or getting nearly thrown in jail?"

Ren pulled away. "I didn't try to rape-"

"I was teasing, Ren," Hux replied as he stroked Ren's hair lovingly.

"Well, I'm sorry, for all of it," Ren continued as he pressed himself into Hux's chest.

Hux ran his fingers threw Ren's hair. "I know you are. And I know there's no NEED for you to be sorry. There's nothing you could ever do that would ever change my devotion to you."

Ren closed his eyes again. "I love you so much, Hux!" Ren could feel himself tearing up again.

'I love you more than you even know,' Ren thought to himself, as he drifted off to sleep.

***

When Ren woke Monday morning, he realized he was depressed. Waking up without Hux there always felt awful. 'I wish he didn't have to go in to work so Damn early. Falling asleep with him is wonderful, but, I want to wake up beside him. I don't know, maybe I expect too much. He already gives me so much!'

Ren got out of bed and got ready for the day. As he went into the bathroom, he was greeted by a blue post-it on the shower curtain.

'You AREN'T a screw up, Beloved. I love you for the mess you are.'

Ren smiled. He liked Hux's tiny declarations of love through the post-its he left. 'It's sweet,' Ren thought. 'And kind of romantic even.' He showered and dressed for school and headed out to see Hux.

Phasma was at the counter when he walked in. "Morning lover boy," Phasma said with a smile.

Ren smiled back at her. "A good morning to you, too, beautiful."

Phasma rolled her eyes. "Your lover is in the back."

Ren laughed on the inside. 'I'd like him in the back.' He headed to the back room. Hux was busy adding ingredients to a large mixer.

Ren leaned against the doorway and watched him. Hux was meticulous with measuring the ingredients out precisely. Ren couldn't help thinking how adorable he was. "Aren't you cute?" Ren said finally.

Hux turned around as if he weren't surprised at all that Ren was there. "So I've been told, by YOU any way."

Ren walked over to him and wiped away the flour that was on his cheek. "You're already pale enough, dear, you don't need that," he teased.

Hux pushed him away gently with a smile. "You're such an arse." He turned back to the large mixer and turned it on. "You working tonight?" Hux asked as he turned back to him.

Ren wrapped his arms around him as he answered, "Yeah, unfortunately."

Hux shook his head. "You're going to have to learn to be civil."

"I can be civil!" Ren almost yelled.

Hux smiled. "Oh, aren't you adorable," he teased as he kissed him. "I'll see you tonight then."

"Yeah," he kissed Hux again. Hux then turned around and went back to work. Ren stood there for a moment. He cleared his throat. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Hux looked back at him as he filled muffin tins. "I already gave you a kiss goodbye."

Ren smiled. "My muffin and coffee?" he reminded him.

Hux rolled his eyes. "I hadn't forgotten. Phasma has it out front. She said she wanted to give it to you this morning."

"Why?" Ren asked suspiciously.

Hux shrugged. "You'd have to ask her." He blew him a kiss and turned back to his work. "See you tonight, Agra!"

"Yeah," Ren called back as he went back to the front. 

'What does Phasma want?' Ren stepped in front of the counter and smiled at her.

"I was told you have something for me," Ren said as he leaned an elbow against the counter.

"Yes! I do," Phasma answered as she turned and grabbed a bag and a coffee. "This is for you," she handed them to Ren.

"Thanks," Ren said skeptically as he accepted them.

"Oh, and I realized I haven't had this conversation with you yet." She leaned in closer and very seriously said, "If you HURT him, I will kill you. You understand that right?"

Ren's eyes widened in fear. 'What scares me is I think she REALLY means it. I have no doubt she could take me out with ease. She could probably cover it up too.'

Ren nodded. "Yeah, I understand."

Ren leaned in closer too. They were nearly face to face. 'I don't know why I feel so bold, but here goes nothing!'

He then whispered, "But understand this, I would NEVER do anything to hurt him." He quickly gave Phasma a peck on the cheek. The look of shock on her face was priceless! "Have a good day!" Ren waved as he left.

***

Ren and Hux seemed to have found a rhythm. Hux worked while Ren was in class. If Ren didn't have to go to the shop after his classes, he went home and waited for Hux to get done with work. Hux cooked nearly every night. He still didn't trust Ren in his kitchen and he was helpless at making dinner any way. He had convinced Hux to let him make mac and cheese one night though. Hux had been pleasantly surprised with how it had turned out.

"See, I'm not completely helpless when it comes to the kitchen," Ren said as he put their dishes in the dish washer.

 

"I never said you were COMPLETELY helpless," Hux replied. "Just that I still don't trust you alone in my kitchen."

Ren scoffed with a smile. "I'll have to make you my personal favorite next time."

Hux looked at him with uncertainty. "I thought mac and cheese WAS your personal favorite."

"No, my personal favorite mac and cheese recipe," Ren corrected.

"There's more than one way to make mac and cheese?"  
Ren stared at him in disbelief. "Are you KIDDING me!? There's like a thousand different ways to make mac and cheese!"

Hux shook his head as they went to the living room together. "I can't imagine so. You cook noodles and put cheese on them." He sat on the couch and put his arm on the back, inviting Ren to curl up next to him. He did so without hesitation.

"Oh, no, I know like hundreds of mac and cheese recipes," Ren admitted as he laid his head on Hux's chest. "I mean, with the number of different KINDS of cheese that exist, you would be amazed at how many ways you can make mac and cheese."

Hux ran his fingers through Ren's hair as he closed his eyes. "Sure," he replied drowsily.

Ren glanced up at him. "Babe, if you're tired, you should go to bed."

"I'm not tired," Hux argued weakly. "And don't call me babe."

Ren chuckled to himself as he wrapped his arms around Hux. 'How did I ever get so lucky to find him?' He breathed in deeply as he buried his face in his chest.

"Are you smelling me?" Hux asked, his eyes still closed.

"What if I am?" Ren asked.

"Okay," was all Hux said in return.

"You're so stubborn," Ren said as he pulled away and stood up. "Come on." He slid one arm under his legs and the other around his back and picked him up. This woke Hux back into consciousness.

"What are you doing?!" he protested, even as he wrapped his arms around Ren's neck.

"I'm taking you to bed," Ren answered.

"I wasn't falling asleep," Hux protested falsely.

"I know, babe," Ren replied as he laid Hux down on their bed.

"Don't call me babe," Hux said sternly.

Ren smiled and beeped his nose with his finger. "You're so adorable when you get bossy like that." He pulled the covers over Hux.

"I'm not sleeping in my day clothes, Ren," Hux protested as he threw the blankets off of himself.

"Don't worry, I'll do it!" Ren started undressing Hux. To his surprise, Hux didn't protest. He stripped him down to nothing but his boxer briefs. "Now lay down," Ren instructed.

"I'd like to get my sleep clothes on."

"No," Ren refused him as he made him lay down. He then laid down next to him and, nearly laying on top of him, wrapped his arms around him.

"Ren, really!" Hux protested as he tried to struggle away, but he held tightly.

"You're not going anywhere, Gingerbread," he mumbled into the pillow.

"I am not sleeping naked," Hux replied agrevated.

"You're NOT naked," Ren pointed out.

"Nearly."

"Just shut up and go to sleep," Ren demanded. Hux was obviously still exhausted, because he didn't protest, since he fell asleep. Ren closed his eyes and followed suit almost immediately.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux realizes he and Ren are having less time together, he makes up for it.  
> Hux recalls a past relationship he's tried to forget.  
> Ren shows Hux a side of him he hadn't seen before.

As the week progressed, it seemed Ren and Hux were seeing far less of each other than was typical. Hux was putting extra time in with Halloween coming up the following week. And Ren was actually buckling down and doing his school work.

Thursday night, Hux came home from a long day to see Ren on the sofa reading.

Hux smiled as he closed the door behind him. He watched Ren for a moment. Ren was an expressive reader! Hux hadn't ever realised it because he rarely saw Ren read. Every few minutes, Ren's brows would furrow or he would smile.

Hux didn't want to pull him out of this spell so he sat on the other side of the sofa and started reading a book of his own. But his gaze kept moving back up to Ren. Each time he looked at him, there was a new expression on his face.

Hux couldn't help thinking how adorable Ren was! He put his own book down and moved over next to Ren. He started kissing his cheek and then moved down to his jaw.

"Hey babe," Ren said without tearing his eyes from the book. "What's up?"

"Oh, not much," Hux replied through kisses he gently placed along Ren's jawline. "How was your day?"

"Fine," Ren answered simply. "Swamped with homework."

"This book for class?" Hux continued placing sweet kisses against Ren's jaw and slowly made his way to his neck.

"Yeah," he answered. He finally pulled his eyes away from the book. "And I REALLY need to finish, Hux."

Hux smiled. "Oh I'll help you finish," he teased as he reached between Ren's legs.

Ren gently pushed him away. He looked right at Hux and said very seriously, "You know that's not what I meant. I need to finish reading this. Okay?"

"Okay," Hux replied sincerely.

Ren went back to his book and Hux leaned back and continued to watch him. Ren continued to, unknowingly make faces as he read. Hux was enthralled by it! When he himself read, his face always remained neutral, but Ren's face displayed so many emotions. He couldn't stand how adorable he was.

Hux stood up and went to the arm of the sofa Ren had his back leaning against. He wrapped his arms around him and rested his head on his shoulder. Hux scanned over the page and started reading aloud.

Ren closed his book and looked at him. Hux just smiled. Ren sighed. "I can't concentrate with you around and your need for attention. If I fail this next test, I am blaming you."

Hux kissed his nose. "You could NEVER fail at something, you're far too perfect."

"That's some high grade flattery right there," Ren replied, his brows furrowed together. "What do you want?"

Hux pulled away. Feigning innocence, he answered. "I don't want ANYTHING at all! Can't I simply express to my magnificent boyfriend how truly wonderful he is with no ulterior motives?"

Ren looked at him skeptically. "Okay, thanks for the compliment. But if there's nothing you want, I should get back to reading." Ren opened his book once again.

"Of course, Asthore," Hux said as he wrapped his arms around Ren again. He reached into Ren's shirt and lightly massaged his chest as he began kissing his neck. "You go right back to reading. I won't be a bother at all." Hux gently grazed his teeth along Ren's neck and then softly started biting and sucking. Ren turned the page as if he weren't paying any mind to Hux at all. But Hux could hear him taking shorter breaths. He then nibbled on Ren's ear and that was the last straw. Ren threw his book aside, turned around, grabbed Hux by the face and kissed him deeply.

Hux soon pulled away. "Oh, I'm sorry, Ren, you REALLY should get back to your book." He stepped away.

"Oh, I don't think so!" Ren grabbed him and pulled him to the sofa, laying on top of him. "YOU started this. You have no one to blame but yourself." Ren kissed him again, shoving his tongue into Hux's mouth vigorously. Hux immediately reciprocated. He wrapped his arms around Ren and tugged his shirt up. Ren only stopped kissing him long enough to pull his shirt up over his head. He quickly went to work removing Hux's shirt as well.

Once Hux's chest was bare he started kissing and sucking on his neck and made his way down slowly to his collar bone. Hux grabbed at Ren's hair as his own breathing became more erratic.

Ren moved down to his left nipple and started suck and biting. He grabbed Hux's crotch as he did so. Hux moaned and bucked at the touch. He then slowly trailed his lips down his stomach. He kissed the flesh just above his trousers and started to undo them.

"No, Ren, please, I want you in me," Hux begged, his eyes closed.

"Whatever you say, Gingerbread," he replied seductively. "Wait here and I'll grab the lube." Ren quickly went to their room to snatch it from the nightstand.

Hux immediately took the opportunity to remove the rest of his clothes.

"Well, well," Ren commented as he came back into the living room, "you really ARE a horny slut aren't you?" He leaned over the arm of the sofa and whispered, "Maybe I should just leave you to your own devices. I really DO need to finish my book."

"Oh, fuck, Ren, don't even joke like that!" Hux pleaded. "Please, Ren! Fuck me hard! Please!" There were nearly tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

"It's different when you're not in charge, isn't it?" Ren teased in a low whisper. "Tell me I'M in charge."

"Yes, Ren, YOU'RE in charge!"

Ren smiled mischievously. "Good. Touch yourself." Hux did so without hesitation. "That's good. Bring your knees to your chest," Ren instructed as he took the rest of his clothes off. Hux brought his legs up and Ren settled in on the sofa. "Tell me how badly you want it, Hux." He lined himself up after he covered himself in lube.

"God, Ren, I can't take it! I want you to fill me up! Please!"

Ren teased his ass hole with the tip of his penis before he shoved in hard. Hux gasped, but it felt so good.  
"Now, who's the filthy little slut, huh?"

"I am!" Hux managed to answer through heavy breaths. "Oh, God, Ren, you're so big. Thrust in harder. Make me your little bitch!" Hux bit his lower lip. Ren kept pounding into him as hard and fast as he could.

"Come on, Hux! Tell me what I want to hear!"

"You're fucking perfect! God! I've never had anyone like you before. I've never been fucked so well! God, Ren! I won't come until you tell me I can. Please, please let me."

"I'm almost there, Hux. I want you to come with me."

Hux was breathing heavily. "I don't know if I can hold on much longer!" Hux licked his lips as Ren thrust in even harder.

"I'm! Come! Ing!" Ren managed as he quivered through the end of his orgasm. Hux allowed himself to finish, spilling himself over his stomach. Ren stayed where he was, trying to catch his breath. "I'll grab a towel," Ren said as he was about to pull away.

"No!" Hux replied quickly as he grabbed Ren's hand. "Stay another moment, please."

Ren held his hand tightly. "Of course."

Hux kept his eyes closed as he breathed in the moment. "You really ARE absolutely perfect, Ren." He opened his eyes. "I hope you know that."

Ren just gave a half smile. "Sure." He leaned down and kissed Hux. "I'll be right back."

Hux groaned as he felt Ren slip out. He then went to the linen closet to get a towel.

Hux sighed. Ren really was perfect to him. He'd never had a lover who cared so much about what he wanted. Well, there was one other, but he tried desperately not to think of him.

Dopheld Mitaka had started frequenting the bar Hux worked at on a whim. Hux had been there a year at that point and was already well known as the cute bartender, Techie, who may go home with you. He left every night with numbers from at least three different guys and on occasion went home with one.

He caught Dopheld's eye the moment he'd walked in. But Dopheld was far too shy to approach him. He was there every night for a week. Hux noticed. It was difficult not to notice the quiet man. Hux wasn't typically attracted to meek men, but Dopheld was adorable beyond words.

Hux approached him with his signature drink, handed it to him, and said, "Are you going to ask me out or not?"

"What?" Dopheld questioned in surprise.

"Unless I'm mistaken, you've been watching me every night for the past week. So, are you going to ask me out, or should I start taking offers from other guys again?"

Dopheld swallowed hard. He'd wanted to ask out the taller red haired man the moment he saw him. "Um, would you, like to go out sometime?" Even with Hux having approached him, he was still afraid of being turned down.

"My number is on the napkin," Hux answered. "Don't lose it. I'm off at eleven." He turned and went back to work.

Dopheld was waiting for him as he clocked out later that night. "So, um, I'd like to take you to dinner, if you would be okay with that?" he said to Hux as they stepped outside.

Hux looked at him in question. "Really? You don't want to just go back to your place and fuck?"

Dopheld blushed. "I'd REALLY like to take you to dinner," he offered again.

Hux was dumbfounded. He had yet to meet a man who wanted to share his company and not just his bed. So, Hux nodded, "Sure, I'd like that."

Dopheld did take him to dinner that night and he was a perfect gentleman. He didn't even make a move on Hux. He drove Hux back to his own flat after they'd had dinner.

"I had a marvelous time," Hux said, standing outside his front door.

Dopheld smiled. Hux thought it was the cutest smile he'd ever seen. "I'm glad. I had a good time too." He paused and then added shyly, "I'd really like to kiss you."

Hux grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him to him, hungrily putting his lips to his. Though Hux pulled him close and pressed into him, Dopheld still seemed shy about it. Hux pulled away just enough so he could seductively whisper, "You can do a Hell of a lot more than just kiss me, if you'd like."

Dopheld smiled kindly. "Not tonight. I think that kiss will suffice." He gave Hux a quick peck on the lips. "I'll call you tomorrow. Have a good night!" he called as he turned and left.

Hux was left standing there completely flabbergasted. He offered to have sex with someone and they turned him down. He shook his head and went into his flat.

Dopheld was a man of his word and called the next day. Hux was happy about it. They made plans to meet up at Hux's place, after Hux was done with work. He was closing, so he wouldn't be home until 3am, but Dopheld didn't seem to mind. He arrived at Hux's flat exactly when he said he would at 3:30. He brought chinese food and a rented movie. Some action flick Hux truly had no interest in.

They didn't talk much as the movie played, but at one point, Dopheld draped his arm around Hux's shoulders. Hux finally paused the movie and looked at him. "Do you want to have sex with me or not?" Hux asked frustratedly. "Because I'm beginning to wonder if you're even interested at all."

Dopheld smiled kindly. "Techie," he said as he tenderly stroked his cheek, "I very much would like to have sex with you. But I don't do casual sex. I'm not saying I need to be your boyfriend or anything like that, but I need to make sure this isn't a one time thing."

Hux looked down as he began with, "I've never brought someone back to my flat before." He looked up again and caught Dopheld's gaze. "You're probably the first person I've ever gone on a proper date with." He looked away again, embarrassed at his own vulnerability. "So I guess what I'm trying to say Dopheld is..." He looked again into his eyes and slowly leaned forward. "This is definitely more than just a casual thing for me. And you can call me Hux."

Dopheld leaned forward as well as he said, "And you can call me Phel." He pulled Hux close to him and kissed him, this time, far more passionately than the night before. They had sex that night and then again the next morning.

Phel was sweet and constantly tried to make Hux laugh throughout their entire relationship, but eventually things turned for the worse.

Hux focused on Ren again as he came back into the living room with a towel in hand. He sat down and cleaned Hux up and then kissed him gently. "I love you, Hux," he whispered.

"And I you," he replied with a smile.

Ren smiled in return. "You should probably head to bed. You have to work in the morning."

Hux groaned. "Don't remind me."

Ren chuckled. He grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Come on, I'll tuck you in."

"You're not coming to bed?" Hux asked disappointed.

"I have to finish my book. There's a test tomorrow."

"Why, Ren, I never would have taken you for a procrastinator," Hux joked.

Ren grinned like an idiot. "Come on, I'll finish it in bed." He picked up his book as they headed to bed together.  
Hux held on to him with Ren's back to his chest. He ran his fingers through his hair as Ren read quietly to himself. He drifted off to sleep to the sound of Ren's even breathing.

***

It wasn't typical for Hux to fall asleep so easily. He thought about this as he worked the next morning. He found it much easier with Ren next to him every night, but it still wasn't typical for sleep to come so quickly. He hadn't ever slept well really, not since his mom had first become ill. He was seven when she first started showing symptoms of her cancer.

Hux woke one night to the sound of his mother hurling in the bathroom. "Ma, are you all right?" Hux asked sleepily as he rubbed his eyes.

Caoimhe looked at her son with watery eyes. "Just under the weather my sweet." She wiped at her mouth. "Go back to bed, please."

Hux ignored this gentle command and went to his mom. He lovingly placed his hand on her forehead like she always did when he was sick. "You're very warm, Mama," he said quietly.

Caoimhe smiled at the gentleness of her son's care. "I'll be okay-" but she was cut off by another wave of nausea as she pitched forward again and vomited. Hux kept his hand on her forehead and with his other little hand, he gathered up as much of her hair as he could in his tiny fist to keep it out of her face.

Caoimhe sat back again and with a weak smile said, "Thank you, Armitage. You take such good care of your mama." She wiped her mouth again and stood up. "Let's get you back to bed."

"Do you need to sleep with me, Mama?" Hux asked in worry. When Brendol was away, his mother would sometimes let him sleep in bed with her if need be. Being sick was one of those times, so Hux thought perhaps his mother may need to stay with him.

"I'll be okay, thank you," she answered as she lead Hux back to his bedroom.

"Are you sure?" Hux asked again as he crawled back into bed.

Caoimhe smiled. "Maybe I will for a little bit, my sweet." She crawled in next to him and pulled her son close to her. She ran her hand over his hair. "Codladh sámh m'aingeal." She kissed the top of his head and closed her eyes. She was asleep moments later. Even then, Hux had a hard time sleeping. His young mind swam with fear and worry for his mother's well-being.

Ren walked in, pulling him from his memory. They were busy, typical for a Friday, so Ren stood in the que and waited.

Hux smiled at him when he stepped up to the counter. "Your usual today?"

Ren smiled. "So we're gonna be coy this morning?" Ren teased.

"I'm a very busy man, Mr. Ren. As you can see there is quite a que behind you. Perhaps I can indulge your shenanigans at a later point. Perhaps over dinner tonight? But until that time, I will remain professional in your presence." He handed Ren his coffee and muffin he'd already set aside. Hux smiled at him and added sweetly, "See you tonight, Love." He gave him a wink and Ren smiled, then left.

***

Hux and Phasma closed for lunch to go out together. They worked together nearly every day and yet, Hux could tell they were drifting apart. "That happens quite often at the beginning of a relationship, Love," Phasma assured him when he brought it up as they ate their food. "You and Ren are still getting to know each other. He's a priority to you, so I get it."

Hux grabbed Phasma's hand. "Phas," she looked up at him as he continued, "YOU are a priority to me. You always have been. I would hate to think of where I would be without you." Hux looked down. "You're the only constant in my life." He looked back up, locking his gaze with hers. "I'm sorry I've taken you for granted as of late. I'll remedy that. I swear."

Phasma smiled. "You're sweet, Love. But I understand-"

"No," Hux interrupted with the shake of his head. "Phas, you're my BEST friend. My ONLY friend to be honest. I need you to know how important you are to me."

Phasma smiled at him. "I know I am."

"But, I've been such a shite friend!" Hux complained. "I need to make it up to you."

"You don't need to make anything up to me. I KNOW I'm your only friend, you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that," she teased.

Hux smiled as he looked down. "I love you," he said and then looked back up at her. "I hope you know that."

Phasma squeezed his hand and smiled back. "I do, Love. I do." She let go of his hand. "Now, I'd like to finish my lunch, if you don't mind."

Hux smirked as he began eating his lunch as well.  
Phasma had been there for him for as long as he could remember. Her father and mother had been stationed on the East Coast of the states since she was seven, though her mother had insisted they return to England every summer.

Soon after Hux's mom had passed away, Brendol was stationed on the same base as Phasma's parents. Brendol became fast friends with George and Mary Phasma, thus throwing Hux and Phasma into a friendship whether they liked it or not. Fortunately they got along famously.

As they grew up, it was rare that they were apart. Hux hated summer time, since he would be forced to face his father alone for three months.

As they got older, it came as no surprise that all of their classmates assumed they were together. When Hux first heard this rumour, he laughed because it was so preposterous! Phasma told him about every girl she hooked up with while Hux confided in her of which male classmate he was masturbating to the thought of.

Their Sophomore year was the first year he really noticed the rumours though. They had agreed to go to their schools annual military ball together. It was the highlight of the year for the private military school they attended. This evening was bigger than even Prom.

 

Hux was already dressed in his class A uniform. It was a cumbersome outfit, but it was expected of him. Hux waited on Phasma's bed as she dressed in the bathroom.

"If you don't hurry, we'll be late," Hux called.

"I'm not going!" she called back.

"What?!" Hux got off the bed and went to the bathroom. "You're not serious are you?" He tried to open the door, but Phasma quickly shut it from the other side.

"I can't be seen like this! I can't BELIEVE Mother would buy this atrocious thing for me!"

"It can't be that awful, Darling," Hux said sweetly. "Let me take a look."

Phasma pulled open the door angrily and stepped out. Hux realised she was right. The thing she wore should NEVER have been a dress. It was a large, light blue, frilly, hoop skirt dress. It was like something out of a bad high school rendition of "Gone With the Wind".  
Hux smiled broadly. It turned into a roar of a laugh.  
"Don't laugh at me!" Phasma shouted through tears. She turned to slam the door, but Hux stopped it.

"I'm sorry, Darling!" Hux was still smiling, even if his laughter had stopped. He wrapped his arms around her from behind. He kissed her neck sweetly. "Would it make you feel better if I wore it?"

Phasma wiped at her eyes. "Maybe," she answered weakly.

Hux kissed her cheek. "Perhaps later. But we need to get going. Timmons is waiting in the car for us."

Phasma sighed as she wiped her eyes again. "I don't know what your father sees in him. That man gives me the creeps."

"Shut up, Timmons is great. I don't know why you hate him so much."

"Well, if I were masturbating to thoughts of him, I wouldn't have a problem with him either."

Hux scowled. "Bugger off."

Phasma smiled. "Later." She grabbed Hux's hand. "We should get going." Hux followed her downstairs where her parents waited.

"You look beautiful!" Phasma's mother cooed as they descended the stairs.

Phasma rolled her eyes. "I look horrible in this monstrosity," Phasma replied.

"Come now, my angel," her father said with a smile. "You look as lovely as ever." He kissed her cheek gently.  
Hux had to turn away. He knew Phasma's relationship with her parents was drastically different from the one he had with his father, but it always pained him to see so much love and warmth emanating from them. George Phasma loved his daughter unconditionally. Hux longed for the same kind of devotion from his own father. He knew if he were better, stronger, smarter, he would one day earn it.

"Now," her father said, "let's get a few pictures."

Phasma groaned. "Do we HAVE to?"

"Yes," George answered. "Stand together." Phasma and Hux stood next to one another. "No, act like you fancy one another," he encouraged.

"Like this?" Hux asked as he leaned over and kissed Phasma on the cheek.

George took a picture. "Excellent. Now Armitage, put your arms around her. Just like that. Just beautiful." He took another picture.

"Alright, that's enough," Phasma said as she grabbed Hux's hand again. "We're going to be late."

"Have a good night, my angel," her father said as he kissed her cheek.

They called their good byes as they headed out. Timmons waited in the car for them. They both got into the backseat together.

"Ready kids?" Timmons asked.

Hux smiled back at him in the rearview mirror. He was attracted to him, but knew nothing would happen. "We're ready."

"On we go then," Timmons said as they drove off.  
Hux held Phasma's hand and whispered to her as they drove. Timmons dropped them off and told them he would be there to pick them up when it had ended. "Oh, and before I forget," Timmons grabbed a package on the front seat and handed it to Hux.

"Thank you! I most certainly wouldn't want to forget this." Phasma wanted to ask, but she didn't get a chance before Hux got out of the car and pulled her with him. "Come along, Darling. I have a surprise for you." They gave their tickets to the woman at the front and went inside.

"So, what's this surprise?" Phasma finally asked.  
Hux didn't answer as he dragged her into the women's bathroom and into a large stall.  
"Hux, Love. I DO love you, but I'm not having sex with you, even if it IS Military Ball and everyone else is doing it."  
Hux glared at her with a smile and then kissed her. Hux pulled away and teased, "Thanks, just needed to practice in case I found someone to hook up with tonight."

Phasma pushed him with a smile. Hux laughed.  
"Please tell me that WASN'T your surprise," Phasma said.

Hux shook his head. "No." He handed the package to Phasma. "This is for you. Open it!" Hux encouraged.

Phasma opened it excitedly. Inside was a black dress. She pulled it out to take a look at it. It was a black strapless, ankle-length dress. It was simple but beautiful.

"Hux, this is, so nice! You, didn't have to!"

"I knew your mum was going to make you wear some God-awful thing, so I thought I'd get something that was more you."

Phasma looked at it in awe. "Hux, thank you!"

"Put it on!" he insisted.

"I'll need you to help me out of this thing." Hux undid the zipper for her and she quickly pulled the other dress on. It wasn't strange for them to be in nothing but their underwear with each other. They were so close that this was nothing out of the ordinary.

Phasma turned and showed it to Hux. He smiled happily. "You look beautiful, Phas. You really do."

Her grin widened. "Thank you." She pondered for a moment. "What are we going to do with THIS thing?" pointing at the first dress.

Hux looked at it in worry. "I hadn't thought that far ahead."

"Let's just leave it here," she suggested. "I have a surprise for you too now." She dug into her clutch and produced a small pair of kitchen shears.

Hux looked at them wide eyed. "And what does this surprise entail exactly?"

Phasma couldn't hold back her grin. "This," she answered, as she pulled her long blonde hair in front of her shoulder and snipped off a large portion.

Hux's hands flew to his mouth in shock. "Gwen! You! What will your mum say when she sees you?!"

"I don't care," she replied as she continued to hack off large pieces. "I want to be FREE Armie!"

Hux smiled. They rarely used each others' first names. It was something sacred to them really. "Let me even it out for you," Hux offered as he took the shears from her. "You'll never get the back straight." Hux cut away at her hair, and when he was done, Phasma looked like a completely different person.

Hux admired his work before he said, "Go on then, go take a look in the mirror."

They moved out of the stall and went to the mirrors. Phasma nearly cried. "Oh Hux! I look the way I feel! I'm BEAUTIFUL!"

Hux wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "You've always been beautiful to me."

She turned around and kissed him full on the mouth. Neither of them found their affection odd. To them both, kisses were casual and a way to show adoration.  
When they pulled away, they realised someone had walked into the bathroom. The young woman stood there for a moment, mouth dropped open, but as soon as their eyes turned to her, she apologized and dashed out.

Phasma laughed. "Great! Now that Belinda Carter has caught us kissing, the rumours will never end."

"What rumours?" Hux questioned.

Phasma gave Hux a knowing look. "You know, that you and I..."

It took a moment for Hux to process exactly what Phasma was suggesting. "No one thinks that!"

Phasma nodded. "Oh, yes, they do. The whole bloody school thinks that."

Hux shrugged. "Who cares." He took Phama's hand in his. "Let's go have fun!" He dragged her out of the bathroom and to the dancehall.

They stood against the wall and watched everyone else dance. "Why have we come to this stupid thing if all we're doing is watching all these idiots gyrate against each other?"

"What?! You're not having fun?" Hux joked. As the next slow song began, he bowed ridiculously low and said, "Gwendolyn Phasma, my darling love, may I have this dance?"

Phasma laughed. She accepted his hand and said, "Most certainly, my sweet."

Hux pulled her to the dancefloor and pulled her close to him. "Want to make those rumours go wild?" Hux asked with an evil smile.

Phasma giggled. "I'll follow your lead, my love."

Hux pulled her as close to him as he could, their bodies flush to each other's. "Phasma," Hux said sweetly, loud enough for those around them to hear, "promise to be mine forever?"

"Yes, my darling love!" Phasma answered just as dramatically. "I adore you. Yes! I will be yours for all of time."

"Oh, Phasma, tonight, we can consummate our love!"  
Phasma giggled. "Like we do most nights?"

"Yes, but tonight will be different. This is the first night I've declared my eternal love for you!"

"Yes, tonight we will make love as though we never have before!"

Hux couldn't keep a straight face any longer and he burst into laughter. Phasma did so as well.

The night went on like that, the two of them making fun of love and pretending they were together. When Hux finally brought her home though, that was when the real fun began. They stood outside the front door to say their good byes.

"I had a great time Hux, thank you," Phasma said as she hugged him.

"I did too," he replied.

The front door opened and Phasma's parents stood there. "Gwendolyn!" he mother shouted. "What have you done to your hair!? And your dress!?"

Her father tried to hide his amusement, but he smiled any way as he said, "Hux, whatever are we going to do with you? You're a bad influence on my sweet angel." 

Hux smiled in return. "Sorry, Major."

Phasma rolled her eyes. “Hux ISN'T a bad influence on me, dad."

"I'd beg to differ," her mother said with a scowl.

"Hux is the most wonderful man to ever come into my life," Phasma said as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed his cheek. Turning to her father she added, "Next to you of course, Daddy."

He chuckled. "You'll always be my sweet little angel."

Phasma rolled her eyes again. "I’m hardly a ‘sweet angel’ anymore," she disagreed.

“You always will be to me," he replied as he ran his fingers through her much shorter hair. He chuckled again as he added, "Even if your hair is less angelic than it was before."

Hux thought about that evening as he walked up the stairs to his flat. He and Phasma were so much alike, and yet so different. He was jealous of how her father treater her. When they opened the bakery, he even fronted the cash for them to do so. While Hux didn't even speak to his own father any more. He entered his flat and was a little surprised and delighted to see that Ren was home already. He was sitting on the sofa quietly.

"Evening, Love!" He closed and locked the front door behind him. "How was your day? How'd the test on your book go?" Hux went to him and leaned down to kiss him but Ren turned away. "What's wrong?"

Ren looked back at Hux with an angry expression. "Where were you at lunch?"

Hux pulled away in confusion. "What? Why?"

Ren stood up and yelled. "Where the fuck were you?!"

"I went to Canyon Creek. Why?" Hux asked defensively.

Ren was obviously pissed. "Rey told me that Finn said-"

"Oh, so we're playing 'he said, she said'?" Hux asked annoyed. What was Ren suggesting?

As though ignoring this, he continued with, "He said he saw you there with someone. Who the fuck was it?"

"Sod off!" Hux yelled, suddenly using his Irish accent. "I don't owe you an explanation!"

"Like Hell you don't!" Ren shouted as he pushed Hux against the wall. He shoved him so hard, it nearly knocked the wind out of him. Ren put his hands on the wall and leaned in close. "Who the fuck were you with?! Finn said you were seriously intimate!"

Hux was a little scared of Ren, he'd never seen him this angry before. "I was with Phasma," he answered. "Is that alright with you?!"

"What did he mean you were 'intimate'?" Ren demanded.

" 'ow the fuck should I know!" Hux yelled back. "Why don't you ask 'IM?"

Ren punched the wall right next to Hux's head. He was really scared of Ren now. "Don't fuck with me Hux! Are you cheating on me?!" There were tears in his eyes now.

"With Phasma? 'ow much of an idiot are you?"

Ren punched the wall again. There was now blood pouring out of his knuckles. "Don't call me an idiot, Armitage!"

Hux's blood was boiling, but he was too afraid of Ren to mouth off. "I'm sorry, Ren. But believe me, I would never cheat on you! I love you more than anything in the world."

Ren broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. "I'm sorry, Hux! I don't know what got into me." He stepped away. "I'm so fucking sorry!" He turned and punched a different wall. "I'm such a fucking idiot!" He punched the wall again.

Hux went to him and grabbed his hands. "Stop it, Ren! You're 'urting yourself!" Hux pulled him close to his chest and Ren sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Hux. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry!"

Hux shushed him. "It's alright, Ren, Acushla." His English accent was back. "Calm down. It's all okay."

Once Ren's crying had lessened, Hux quietly pulled him into the bathroom and cleaned up his hand. "I'm sorry," Ren repeated as Hux cleaned his knuckles.

"Just don't punch my walls again," Hux ordered sternly.  
Ren nodded in agreement. Hux had never seen Ren like this before. He had a temper that Hux hadn't realised. He convinced himself it was a one-time out burst, that Ren had reason to get so angry, and that it would never happen again. Neither of them brought it up the rest of the night.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren apologizes to Hux for how he reacted the night before. Halloween comes.

Ren woke before Hux the next morning. His head hurt. He wasn't hung over, he was hardly buzzed the night before, but he was certain the alcohol hadn't helped.  
He looked over at Hux's sleeping form and a wave of guilt washed over him. He hadn't meant to get violent with him the night before and it was eating away at him.

'I'll make it up to him,' Ren thought as he climbed out of bed. He quietly made his way to the kitchen and started making breakfast. He decided he needed to do something simple, as that he still didn't trust his own culinary capabilities. 'Toast is simple. There's no way I can mess up toast. But I can't JUST make him toast. Um, let's see, do I trust myself to attempt eggs? Wait, you can make scrambled eggs in the microwave! That's perfect! I'll start with the toast. That shouldn't take long.'

Ren went through nearly half of a loaf of bread before he finally got two slices that would be edible. The rest he somehow managed to burn completely black. He then went to the eggs. He had to look up several tutorials online before he felt comfortable enough to do it himself. Each one was different too. Some used milk, others put melted butter on the bottom of the bowl. Ren sighed and did the best he could.

Breakfast was ready by the time Hux woke up. He walked into the kitchen groggily. Ren smiled at him.  
"Good morning!"

"Morning," Hux replied simply.

"I made breakfast!" Ren offered with a smile.

"And you didn't even burn down my kitchen in the process. Most impressive." Hux's offhanded comment was snide. Ren knew he was still upset about the night before. He deserved Hux's hurtful words.

"I even boiled water for your tea," Ren added, hoping this would lighten Hux's mood at least a little.

Hux looked at him as though he were stupid. "I do have an electric kettle for that very purpose, you do realize that don't you?"

'Damn! Of course I know that. I'm such a fucking idiot! How many times have you seen him use it you moron?'

Ren wrapped his arms around himself and looked away. "Yeah, I guess I just forgot."

Hux sighed. "It's fine. I'll use what you heated up." He brought out a mug, got his tea ready, and poured the water over it. He then sat at the table with his mug. Ren saw this as the opportunity to bring Hux's plate to him. "I know it's simple, but I hope it's okay," Ren said as he set the plate in front of him. He sat next to him with his own plate.

"I'm sure it will be as good as I expect," Hux retorted.

Ren felt crestfallen. 'I'm trying to make up for my shit behavior last night, why is he making it so difficult?!'

Hux began eating, but stopped after one bite of the eggs. He was obviously holding back a look of disgust. "What's wrong?" Ren asked worried.

"Um, did you salt and pepper these?"

"Shit!" Ren grabbed the salt and pepper. "I'm so sorry, I totally forgot." He handed the shakers to Hux, thinking it best to let him use as much or as little as he would like.

"It's all right, Ren, your culinary skills leave much to be desired." He began salting his eggs. "I'm used to it."

Ren sighed. "Sorry," he said quietly. "I guess next time I'll just pick up breakfast from somewhere." Ren laughed. "Then I wouldn't go through half a loaf of bread trying to make toast."

Hux looked at him in disbelief. 'Okay, that was the wrong thing to say.'

"How did you manage to use up half a loaf of bread trying to make toast?!" Before Ren could answer, Hux lifted his hands in a stopping motion. "Nope, never mind. I don't want to know." He went back to eating his breakfast.

Ren couldn't stand the uncomfortable silence. "Hux, um, I wanted to say, I'm sorry, about last night-"

"Forget about it," Hux interrupted without looking at him.

"I just. I'm sorry."

"Stop," Hux said frustratedly, looking over at Ren. "It's fine."

Ren looked away. "No, it's not." He looked up at Hux and continued. "I am, I'm really sorry."

"Damn it, Ren!" Hux shouted as he slammed his hand against the table. Ren was shocked by the outburst. Hux went on with, "I swear to God, if you say 'I'm sorry' one more bloody time, I may just explode!"

"Okay, I'm..." but Ren stopped himself short when he saw the look on Hux's face.

Hux shook his head, pushed his plate away, and stood up. "I'm going to work."

Ren stood up and followed him to the living room. "Hux, I really am."

Hux stopped and turned to Ren, the look of anger on his face almost scared him. "You want to explain exactly what happened last night?!" Hux advanced on him, forcing Ren to back up against the wall. He grabbed at the collar of his shirt. There were tears in his eyes. "Why don't you FUCKING trust me?! Have I ever given you reason to NOT trust me?!"

"No," Ren answered. "I was being stupid and possessive. It wasn't fair of me. I'm sorry," Ren began crying too. "I'm so fucking sorry!"

Hux let go of him and pulled away. "Forget it." He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. "I'll see you tonight." He slammed the door on his way out.

Ren stood there, back against the wall still, sobbing. 'Don't leave me Hux! Please!' he begged, though he didn't know exactly who his silent supplication was meant for. 'I can't lose him!'

Ren let himself slide down to the floor. He wiped his eyes and got his phone out.

'Hey, u busy?' he texted Rey.

'Not really,' she replied quickly. 'What's up?'

'Do u want 2 come over? I could really use u rn.'

Her response wasn't nearly as quick as the first, but she finally answered with, 'Yeah, b there in a few.'

Ren wiped at his eyes again. He stayed where he was as he waited for Rey to arrive.

She showed about a half hour later. Ren answered the door and invited her in. They sat on the couch together.  
"So, what's going on?" Rey asked as she made herself comfortable. She'd kicked her shoes off and pulled her feet up underneath her.

Ren sat on the other side, making himself comfortable in the opposite corner.

"I really fucked up," Ren said quietly. "I yelled at Hux last night because of what Finn said about seeing him at the restaurant yesterday."

"What did you say?"

Ren sighed and looked away as he wrapped his arms around his chest. "I accused him of cheating on me."

Rey laughed. "Are you serious?"

Ren looked at her, completely surprised by her reaction. "This isn't funny! What if... What if he decides to break up with me?" Tears pricked the edges of his eyes.

Rey chuckled as she leaned forward and wiped his eyes. "Ren, that boy LOVES you. You're crazy if you think he'd break up with you because of one stupid fight." She rested her hand on his cheek. "Ren, honey, the few times I've seen you and Hux together, it's quite obvious how much you mean to him."

Ren shook his head. "But I REALLY messed up." He looked at Rey again. "I punched the wall!"

Rey's eyes widened. "You didn't!"

Ren looked away again, tears forming as well. "I'm so fucking stupid!"

'I want to hit something! ANYTHING! I don't care, I just want my fist to hit something hard. God damn it, why am I like this?!'

As though reading his mind, Rey grabbed his hands. He looked into her eyes as she said, "You need to get yourself centered. Come on," she stood up and pulled him to his feet, "we're gonna meditate."

They sat on the floor across from each other, legs crossed and hands on their knees. Rey closed her eyes and expected Ren to do the same.

Ren took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Do you want me to lead with breathing exercises?" Rey asked gently.

Ren nodded, but then remembered they had their eyes closed. "Yes, please."

'Her voice is soothing.' Ren took a deep breath. 'Just listen and let go.'

"Alright. Take a deep breath. Hold it just a moment and let it out. Now, breath through your nose. In and then out. Let it be natural. No need to hold. Just breath in through your nose and back out."

'I feel better already! Rey's always been able to have an effect on my mood like that.'

"Now, take a deep breath through your mouth. Hold it. Now release slowly through your nose." She paused. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah. Mind if we mediate together for a while?"

"Sure," Rey said. Ren heard her stand up and sit next to him. She grabbed his right hand and set it on her knee, holding it firmly. They sat there for an hour in meditation.

Ren was done meditating before Rey. But he sat there and waited for her to finish. She took one last deep breath and opened her eyes. She looked at Ren and smiled. "Feel better?"

Ren smiled back at her. "I do. Thanks."

"Any time," she replied.

Rey stayed for another hour while they chit chatted. But once she left, Ren felt an emptiness inside him.  
'I'm sure Hux is still pissed at me. I can't blame him. I NEED to make it up to him! What am I gonna do?'

Ren looked around the living room, saw the bookshelf, and got an idea. He went to it and pulled all the books out and started rearranging them, putting them in alphabetical order, as they should be. 'Hux is so busy, he probably hasn't had a chance to organize this properly. And I'll pick up dinner from somewhere nice. I'm DEFINITELY not going to try cooking again. I hope this will make it up to him.'

When Hux returned home that night, Ren had dinner set on the table, candles lit in the center. Ren stood in the living room, dressed in slacks and a red button up shirt.

Hux looked at him with a neutral expression. "What's going on?"

Ren took a deep breath before he began. "Hux, before you say anything," he looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes, "I want to apologize for my behavior last night. I was being jealous and untrusting. I don't expect you to now, but I hope you can forgive me." He looked up then. Hux's expression hadn't changed, but it was obvious he was listening.

He stepped toward him. Hux took a step back at first, but held his ground as Ren closed the space between them. Ren reached out and put his hands on Hux's hips. He stood still and accepted Ren's gaze. "I really AM sorry."

Hux held his gaze. This made Ren hold his breath, until Hux said, "I know you are. But you'll have to do better than just dressing nicely and saying it."

Ren smiled. He grabbed Hux's hand. "This way." He pulled him to the dinning room. Ren stood behind him, putting his arms around him and nuzzling his neck. "What do you think? I didn't cook it, but I hope you'll like it." Hux didn't reply. Ren's heart beat faster.

'No. No! NO! It's not enough! I'M not enough! Fuck! Don't leave me Hux!' He squeezed Hux a little tighter, hoping to transfer these silent thoughts to him in some way.

"Think the candles are a bit much?" Hux asked with a chuckle.

Ren let go of his breath. 'Everything's gonna be fine.' He kissed Hux's cheek.

"Nah, I think they're hot." He nibbled on Hux's ear. "Just like you."

Hux sighed in pleasure, but then turned around and looked at Ren. "I need you to tell me it won't happen again."

Ren nodded. "I know." He looked down as he continued, "Like you said, you've never given me any reason to not trust you-"

Hux lifted his chin. "That's not what I'm talking about." Ren met his eyes. "Your violent outburst. Where did that come from?" he asked with concern.

Ren moved his eyes away. "I don't know." He looked back at Hux and added, "But it won't happen again, I swear"

"It better not," Hux replied and then kissed Ren. He smiled and said, "Let's eat."

Dinner was good. They talked and laughed as though the night before had never happened. It still fluttered around Ren's head. He felt guilty.

'What if I had hit Hux? I don't think I'd be able to live with myself!' But it soon shifted from his thoughts as they cleaned up dinner together.

As they put their plates in the sink, Ren wrapped his arms around Hux and whispered seductively, "That's not the end of my apology by the way."

Hux leaned into the embrace. "Really? And what else did you have in mind?"

Ren kissed just below his ear. "Let me show you." He pulled Hux into the living room. "I organized your books for you." He wrapped his arms around Hux from behind, once again nuzzling his neck. He began kissing it gently. He heard Hux sigh in pleasure. "But that's not everything. I want to REALLY show you how sorry I am." He reached down and started massaging Hux's crotch. He was getting hard and could feel him swell all the more.

"And how exactly would you like to show how truly apologetic you are?"

Ren kept kissing his neck. Between kisses he answered, "I want to give you whatever you want. Want me to go down on you? Ride you? Pin you down? Anything you want!"

Hux was breathing heavily. "Why don't we go to the bedroom?"

"Mmm, that sounds like a good idea." Ren took Hux's hand in his once again and led him to their room. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Hux down next to him. He kissed his lips and whispered, "What would you like from me, babe? You can have ANYTHING you want."

Hux kissed him back. "Don't call me babe."

Ren chuckled. "Okay, whatever you say... Babe."

Hux smiled in the middle of the kiss.

'He likes it. He can't hide it from me.'

"What would you like from me, Gorgeous?"

Between kisses, Hux answered, "This is good for now." He ran his hands through Ren's hair, drawing him closer.

Ren kissed down his jaw to his neck. "Why don't we make it great?" he suggested as he slid his hand down the front of Hux's pants.

Hux pulled away. "No, Ren, please don't." Ren still had his hand inside Hux's pants.

"Come on, babe, I want you to feel great, not just good."

Hux pushed him away. "I said that's enough." He looked directly into Ren's eyes and continued, "You said I could have whatever I want. I don't want that."

Ren looked at him, confused and a little hurt. "Well, what DO you want?"

Hux leaned closer once again. "I just want to hold you." He kissed just under Ren's jaw. "I just want to kiss you." He wrapped his arms around Ren once again, burying his hands in his hair. He rested his forehead against Ren's as he whispered, "I just want you."

"I'm right here, Hux," Ren whispered back. "I'm not going anywhere."

Hux nodded as he moved so he was straddling Ren's lap and then leaned his head into the crook of his neck. "Is tusa mo dhomhan," Hux whispered softly as he kissed Ren's neck gently.

'Why doesn't he want anything more? I mean, I'm willing to do ANYTHING to make it up to him and all he wants to do is cuddle?!' Ren was concerned. But he didn't know if he should say anything about it.

"Are you sure this is all you want?" Ren asked.

Hux nuzzled into his neck some more. "Yeah. Just this, Acushla. Just this." He sighed contently. "I haven't had many partners I could do just this with." He was getting drowsy. "Most of them just wanted my dick, or my ass." He sighed again, his eyes closed. "But I like this." He took a deep breath. "You smell so good."

Ren smiled. "You're falling asleep."

"Uh-uh, I'm still... very awake."

Ren moved to lay Hux down. He laid next to him and wrapped his arms around him. Ren smiled to himself. 'I don't get to be the big spoon very often.' He played with Hux's hair. 'I like it though. This feeling of being his protector. You've had so much pain in your life, Hux. I want to give you as much happiness as I can.'

"Why did you and your last boyfriend break up?"

'Why in the Hell would I ask that?! What is WRONG with me?!'

Hux didn't reply for a few minutes, but he did finally answer with, "DJ cheated on me. I walked in on them."

'That's why he got so pissed about me accusing him of cheating. No matter how Hux felt about someone he'd never cheat on them. He knows what that betrayal feels like; he'd never want anyone else to feel that. I feel like such an asshole.'

Hux continued, "I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him. I gave him so much of myself." Hux paused and then added, "He was my world."

Ren felt a bitter wave of jealousy rush through him. 'I know that's how Hux feels about me now, but, it just makes me angry to think someone would betray him like that when Hux is willing to give all he has! Why would anyone leave him? Hux is too perfect. He's EVERYTHING!'

"Ren?" Hux whispered.

"I'm here," Ren replied as he pulled Hux closer to his chest.

"Mo chuid den tsaol. M’fhíorghrá. Codladh sáhm, Acushla."

Ren smiled. 'I don't know what he said, but it's beautiful.'

He kissed Hux's hair. "Good night my prince."

***

When Ren woke the next morning, Hux had already climbed out of bed. Ren got up, used the bathroom, and then followed the smell of breakfast into the kitchen. Hux was standing at the stove already dressed for the day. Ren came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his neck. "Morning, Gingerbread."

Hux leaned his head away, giving Ren better access to his neck. "Good morning to you too."

Ren stopped kissing his neck and rested his head on his shoulder. "Whatchya making?"

"I thought I'd make you a full breakfast today. Go sit down, it'll be ready in a moment."

Ren gave him a kiss on the cheek and did as he was asked. A minute later, Hux placed a large plate in front of him. It seemed to have EVERYTHING! Bacon, scrambled eggs, and sausage. There were cooked tomatoes, mushrooms, and toast. Hux then added a small plate of grapes and strawberries. He returned again, with his own plate and a jar of jam.

"Wow, this is, wow." Ren was at a lose for words.

'I accuse him of cheating and HE makes ME the most fantastic breakfast ever?! I really AM the worst boyfriend in the world.'

"I don't know if you like grilled tomatoes or not," Hux said casually. "You don't have to eat them if you don't."  
Ren looked at him. "Thank you, this is awesome. You didn't have to do this."

"I never said I did. I haven't made a real full breakfast in years. I remember, the first time, I was five." Hux smiled as he retold the story. "Colonel actually cooked most of it, he let me make the toast; we made it for my mum for Mother's Day."

"I've never asked, why do you call your dad colonel?" Ren was curious.

Hux shrugged. "I honestly thought all children called their father's sir and those in the service by their rank. For the longest time, I was completely baffled by Phasma's lack of respect for her father when I heard her call him dad or daddy."

Ren laughed. "Phasma called her dad 'daddy'?"  
Hux smiled. "She still does. She calls him once a week. Has since she moved away."

"I never would have pegged Phasma as a daddy's girl," Ren replied as he took a bite of his eggs.

Hux was looking down at his plate as he moved his eggs around with his fork. "She has an amazing relationship with him. When I was younger, I had always assumed their relationship was different than mine was with my father because she was a girl and I was a boy." Hux scoffed. "Not that he would have loved me any more if I'd been a girl. I'm sure I still would have been a disappointment to him."

Ren gently placed a hand on Hux's knee. "You're dad's an idiot to be disappointed in you."

Hux smiled weakly. He looked up at him and said, "Thanks, Ren." But Ren was certain Hux still didn't believe it.

'I don't know why he doesn't see what I see. God, he's so perfect! How could anyone think he wasn't?'

"Hey, do we have any plans for Halloween?" Ren asked. "It's like next week."

"I am well aware when it is Ren," Hux replied. "We have far too many orders because of it. Cupcakes for, I don't even know how many, school functions. Phasma said she even has a wedding cake for that day. Can you believe that?!"

"A wedding ON Halloween?" Ren asked with excitement. "I'm a little jealous. I LOVE Halloween."

Hux rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"

Ren smiled. "Because it's like, the BEST holiday EVER! You get to dress up in costumes and eat candy like crazy!"

Hux smiled and gave a faint laugh. "You're just a big kid, aren't you?"

Ren laughed. "Um, yeah. Have you met me? I'm like Peter Pan, I ain't ever growing up." Ren paused and then asked, "Are you gonna eat at all?"

"I AM eating," Hux assured him.

"No you're not. You haven't touched any of your food and I'M nearly done," Ren pointed out.

Hux shrugged. "I guess I'm not that hungry."

"No, you need to eat," Ren said as he grabbed Hux's fork and tried to feed him some of his eggs.

"Ren, I can feed myself!" Hux protested.

"Obviously not. Eat!" he ordered.

Hux gave him a stern look, but accepted the food any way. "Good." Ren cut a portion of the sausage and brought that to Hux's lips.

"This is completely unnecessary," Hux protested.

"Obviously it is. Someone has to feed you since YOU'RE not going to do it." He fed Hux the piece if sausage.

"Fine, I'll eat!" He stole the fork back from Ren and began eating.

"So, DO we have plans for Halloween?"

Hux shook his head as he continued eating. "No, something you want to do in particular?"

Ren looked away. "Well, there's this party I usually go to." He then added quietly, "At Rey's."

Hux groaned. "Would it be all right if I skipped out?"

"Come on!" Ren whined. "It'll be fun! I promise! We'll dress in costumes-"

"I haven't dressed in a Halloween costume since I was a child."

"Well, let's go costume shopping today!" Ren suggested excitedly.

Hux sighed. "Fine, there's no use arguing with you."

***

Ren was so excited when they went to the Halloween shop. He loved looking at the decorations and different costumes. Hux seemed far less than thrilled.

"Aren't you having fun, Gingerbread?" Ren asked as he wrapped his arms around him from behind.

"Will you stop?" Hux quietly begged.

'I don't know why you hates PDA so much.' Ren pulled away from Hux. 'I just want everyone to see that I'm with him. I want the whole WORLD to know he's mine.'

"So, any costumes you're interested in?" Ren encouraged.

"Not really," Hux answered. "What are YOU dressing as?"

Ren smiled. "A pirate!"

"Really?" Hux asked in a monotone. "I didn't see you as the Jack Sparrow type."

"No, not like that," Ren replied disgustedly. "Think more like Black Beard."

Hux smiled. "You would look adorable with facial hair. It would cover up your boyish face."

Ren pushed him jokingly. "So, you want to be my slutty wench?" Ren joked.

Hux rolled his eyes, but his smile remained. "Why do you enjoy this holiday so much?"

Ren shrugged. "I don't know, I guess it's just getting to dress up and be whoever you want to be."

"You can already be whatever you want Ren," Hux said with a sweet smile.

'God I love him! He really believes that to. I mean, he's right. I can be whatever I want!' Ren smiled. 'Right now, I just want to be the best boyfriend I can be.'

"So, what kind of costume are you thinking?" Ren asked.

Hux smiled mischievously. "I think it will be a surprise."

Ren smiled. "Okay."

'I actually enjoy surprises. I'm super excited!'

"Well, why don't we go grab lunch?" Ren suggested.

***

Ren was excited for Wednesday night. Over the next few days, he tried to convince Hux to give him even the slightest hint of what his costume would be. Tuesday night, they were curled up on the couch together, kissing slowly.

'I think I love this more than sex!' Hux ran his fingers through Ren's hair. 'I think that's my favorite part. I wonder what Hux likes the best? I mean, besides me kissing his neck.' Ren pulled away from Hux's lips and did just that. He tilted his head back and groaned. 'Hehehe, yeah, this is DEFINITELY his favorite part.'

Ren pulled away for a moment and whispered, "So, what are you going to wear tomorrow?"

He felt Hux quiver under his touch. "I'm not telling you," Hux managed out.

Ren started sucking on his neck. 'I'll get him to tell me.' He nibbled gently where he was sucking.

"Come on babe, just a hint?"

Hux shook his head, his eyes closed, as he he breathed heavily. "You'll find out tomorrow."

"Please, tell me," Ren begged.

Hux looked at him and smiled. He leaned in close and whispered, "No."

"Fine," Ren pouted as he pushed himself away from him.

Hux laughed. "Oh, Ren." He reached for him.

"No," Ren said indignantly as he pulled farther away.

"Ren, you're not REALLY upset are you?" Ren was in the corner of the couch, so he couldn't get away when Hux pressed into him.

He had his arms crossed and turned his face away. "Yes, I am."

Hux crawled into his lap. "No you're not." He started kissing Ren's jaw.

"Yes I am!" Ren tried to say convincingly.

'Who am I kidding? I'd do anything for him.'

"Ren, Agra, do you want to shag?"

Ren chuckled. 'I do love when he uses British terms like that. It's kind of adorable.'

Ren looked him in the eyes. "No, I want to fuck."

Hux shrugged and pulled away. "Too bad. Only shagging tonight," he teased.

Ren leaned forward and started kissing him again. Hux wrapped his arms around him, pulling himself as close to Ren as he could.

Ren pulled away and asked, "Just a TINY hint?"

Hux smiled and answered, "Either I can tell you what my costume is, OR we can have sex. It's up to you."

'I REALLY want to know. On the one hand, we can have sex another night. On the other, I WILL get to know what his costume is tomorrow.'

Ren answered by leaning forward again and kissing Hux deeply.

***

Wednesday morning, Ren could barely contain his excitement. He got ready for class quicker than he ever had before and left the apartment. He was surprised when he walked into the bakery and found it was actually decorated in black and orange with bats and witches and things. There was actually a fairly long line, so Ren went to the back of it and waited. He smiled at Hux when he reached the front. "I see you ACTUALLY decorated for Halloween."

Hux sighed. "It was Phasma's idea. I told her we had far too much to do any way, but she insisted. She still has to finish her wedding cake and as you can see we're swamped." He then added quietly, "Sorry if I seem a little testy today."

"No worries. I am far too excited for tonight for anything to dampen my mood. My usual please."

Hux got his coffee and put his muffin in a bag. "Don't be too excited about the bat Phasma piped on the top."

Ren smiled. "She still working on the cake in the back? I'd love to see it!"

Hux shook his head with a smile. "Go on," he said and Ren dashed off to the back. Phasma was slaving over a large black cake. It was beautiful! There were gravestones and pumpkins and even ghosts.

"Wow," Ren said.

Phasma started. She turned and heaved out, "God, Ren, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry." Ren approached to look closer at Phasma's work. "This is for a wedding?" He looked back up at her. "I fucking love it."

Phasma smiled. "Thanks. Hux mentioned this is your favorite holiday."

"Hell yeah it is! Who doesn't love it?"

"Hux for one," Phasma answered as she went back to the cake.

"Okay, maybe not everyone LOVES it, but, I most certainly think it's the best holiday ever."

"Of course," Phasma replied. "Well, I need to get back to this."

Ren went through the rest of his day on a high. He was so excited to get into his costume. Most of it was stuff he'd picked up at thrift stores. He knew his costume, though a typical one, was unique.

Ren was already dressed by the time Hux came home. He was working on his make-up as he walked in.  
"Hey babe!"

Hux smiled broadly. "Well, well, aren't you a handsome devil?"

Ren shrugged. "I try. Can't wait to see you in YOUR costume."

Hux sighed. "When is this party supposed to start?"

"About an hour," Ren answered.

"Fine, I'll get changed." Hux made his way to the bedroom.

'I'm so excited! What could he possibly dress as? I'm gonna guess something simple. Maybe a convict. Or Robin Hood. I can't wait!'

As Ren continued working on his make-up, Hux walked back into view. "Well, I'm ready."

Ren turned excitedly, but frowned when he looked at Hux. He was in jeans and a t-shirt that read 'This IS my costume'. "Please tell me you're joking."

"What?! You don't like my costume?" Hux teased.

"It's not a costume," Ren argued irritably.

"Of COURSE it is! It says so right here," Hux pointed with a knowing smile.

"It's, like, sacrilegious!" Ren nearly shouted.

Hux rolled his eyes with a smile. "Well, it's what I'm wearing. So, you can accept it or go without me."

Ren glared at him for a moment, then went back to his make-up. 'I don't think it's funny or clever at all. I wanted him to SERIOUSLY dress up. I don't care if he just put on a bathrobe and said he was Hugh Hefner, at least it would have been a costume, but this, I can't believe he'd think it works.'

"You're not REALLY upset with me, are you Ren?" Hux teased as he came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist.

'No, I guess I'm not REALLY upset. I'm just vaguely annoyed. This holiday means something to me and he's just making a joke of it!'

"I'll make it up to you, Asthore," he kissed Ren's neck. "I promise."

Ren sighed. "Okay." He set his eyeliner down and turned back to Hux. "Let's get going."

Hux smiled. "You know, you're kind of hot with eyeliner."  
He kissed Ren as he gently pushed him back to the sink.

"Hux, we need to go," Ren reminded him when he managed to pull away from Hux's lips.

"We've got time. And if we're a little late, I really don't think Rey will mind," Hux assured him. Hux started kissing his neck.

"I don't want to mess up my make-up," Ren argued weakly.

"Well," Hux said as he grabbed between Ren's legs. He was half hard already. "I can take care of things for you."

Ren closed his eyes, pleasure wafting through him. 'God, Hux, why do you have to...oh God!'

Hux dropped to his knees and started undoing Ren's pants. "Would you like me to Ren?" he asked as he tugged his pants down to his knees and looked up at him. "I'd be more than happy to." He gently massaged his balls and hardening dick through the cloth of his boxers. "I ought to make up for my poor excuse of a costume."

Ren braced his hands against the sink. "You don't have to do-"

Hux answered by pulling his boxers down and licking the head of his penis. It sent a shiver down him. "But I'd like to Ren, I very much would." Hux then swallowed Ren down.

'God, Hux! I fucking love you!'

Ren reached down with one hand and entangled his hand in Hux's hair.

"Hux, you, are, so, I, fucking LOVE, YOU! Oh god!"

Hux had his hands on Ren's hips to keep himself in the best possible position. He took Ren in as deep as he could and only let off to gain a quick breath. He kept going like this until Ren finally came in his mouth. Hux swallowed it down. He pulled off and wiped his mouth. Ren was breathing heavily as Hux pulled his boxers and pants back up and tucked him in. He stood up and kissed Ren's cheek. "I hope that was acceptable Captain. Did it keep me from having to walk the plank?" he teased.

Ren nodded. "It was suitable." He opened his eyes and grabbed Hux by the collar of his shirt. "But hear me well cabin boy, you best continue to make your captain happy, or I will do far worse than make you walk the plank. Understood?"

Hux smiled. "Yes captain."

***

When they arrived at Rey's, there were already several people there. 'We're FASHIONABLY late,' Ren thought to himself. 'Why is it CALLED fashionably late? I mean, what's so fashionable about it? And if it were really the fashion, wouldn't everyone do it, thus making it on time rather than late?... I am too sober to be wondering about this.'

They knocked and Ret answered the door. She was dressed as a playboy bunny.

'Damn! If I were straight I'd be so into her!'

"Come in!" she ushered them inside excitedly.

The living room was already pretty well filled with people in costumes. Even with their faces covered up, Ren recognized most of them.

"Drinks are in the kitchen!" Rey shouted to them amidst the crowd. She disappeared in the sea of bodies.

"You want something to drink?" Ren asked Hux as he lead him to the kitchen without his answer. The music seemed to be quieter in the kitchen, muffled by the swinging door that separated the two rooms.

"Finn!" Ren called when he saw him mixing drinks. "Mind hooking us up with something?"

"Sure," he said as he cleaned out the shaker. "You guys wanting to get smashed or just smooth into it."

"Just get me fucked up," Hux answered as he grabbed the nearest solo cup already filled with beer from a nearby keg.

'He must REALLY not be comfortable in large crowds like this.' Ren hadn't realized that before and felt a little guilty dragging Hux to events like this.

"Make me a dying bastard if you would?" Hux asked.

Finn stopped. "A what?"

"You've never hears of a dying bastard?"

Finn shook his head. "I'm a chef, not a bartender."

Hux sighed. "An ounce of brandy, gin, rum, and ginger ale each. A dash of bitters, but regular beer will do, and a half an ounce of lime juice."

"How do you know that?" Ren asked.

"I used to be a bartender," Hux answered.

"You like to show me?" Finn offered.

Hux accepted the shaker and began mixing the drink.  
'He looks so comfortable doing that. I mean, like, he looks at home almost.'

"What would you like, Love?" Hux asked Ren once he'd finished mixing his own drink.

"Um, just a rum and Coke," Ren answered.

Hux looked at Finn and asked, "Do you have any diet?"

"Yeah," Finn answered as he dug through the fridge. "Here," he handed a can to Hux.

Hux grabbed an empty plastic cup. "On the rocks?"

"Straight up," Ren replied. Hux poured the can of Coke in the cup along with some rum. He handed it to Ren.

He looked at Finn and asked. "Would you like anything?"

Finn shook his head. "No thanks. Gonna take it slow." He then made his way into the living room with the rest of the guests.

"When were you a bartender?" Ren asked as he drank from his cup.

"Years ago," Hux answered nonchalantly. "It was my first job when I moved out here." He drank from his cup deeply. "I was underage at the time, so they paid me under the table until I was 21."

"Where? Locally?"

"A gay bar here in town," Hux answered as he quickly finished his drink. He began mixing another. "Why didn't you call out Finn for HIS 'costume'?"

Ren looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"He's dressed as a chef. He IS a chef. That's not a costume."

"You're wearing a shirt!" Ren argued. "That's not a costume!"

Hux smiled from behind his cup. "Well, Captaen," Hux said as he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around him, "I could just NOT wear a shirt."

"Ren might like that," Poe said as he walked in.

Ren felt himself flush. 'He is probably in something super hot. Don't come into my view, please?'

Poe walked in and grabbed a cup of beer. He was dressed in a leather jacket with aviator sunglasses. "Personally, I like his shirt. I'd like it better on my floor." He winked at Hux.

Ren pulled him closer. "If it ends up on anyone's floor it'll be mine."

"You don't know how to share Renny," Poe teased. "You guys should come out and join us, instead of hiding in here." Poe then disappeared back into the living room.

Ren shook his head. "He wears that every year. He's obsessed with Top Gun." He looked at Hux and saw that his face was turning red.

"Of course he'd have to be the one who heard my no shirt comment," Hux grumbled. "It still would've been embarrassing, even if he didn't turn you on."

"What?! He, I-"

"Don't deny it, Ren," Hux said casually as he pulled Ren's hips into his. "I felt how hard you got just by hearing his voice. And then even more so when he came into view."

Trying to turn the tables, Ren pointed out, "Hey, I'm not the one who drunkenly suggested a threesome with him the last time I was here."

Hux smiled mischievously. "Not that you wouldn't be interested," he teased.

Ren knew he was already blushing, but it deepened. 'There's a part of me that knows he's right. It's not cheating if he's there with me, right? I don't know if I could even if he agreed.'

"I don't think you'd know what to do with two dicks at once." Hux pulled away and headed into the living room. Ren followed close behind.

Ren casually talked with several guests, old friends from school. He introduced them all to Hux, still super excited to be able to say he had a boyfriend.

There were several trick or treaters through out the night, but Rey called Ren over for one particular pair.  
Ren frowned when he saw Jacen and Jaena. "Aren't you guys a little old to be trick or treating?" Ren asked snottily.

"I'm only out because Jaina wanted to go," Jacen claimed.

"Shut up, you begged Dad to let us come out tonight," Jaina replied. She looked at Rey and said, "I LOVE your costume by the way. I can't wait to have a woman's body so I can wear something like that."

"Eww!" Ren and Jacen said nearly simultaneously.

"Yeah, you're not related at all," Hux commented. "Your costume is beautiful Jaina."

'He's right. Mom probably made it. She's always been quite a seamstress. But a medieval styled gown isn't simple.'

She smiled and looked away, obviously embarrassed by the attention. "Thank you. I made it." 

"Really?" Ren was impressed.

"Yeah," she answered shyly. She looked up and added to Hux, "I love your shirt by the way. That's pretty funny."

"See! Even Jaina thinks it's clever!"

Ren rolled his eyes. "She's eleven, what does she know." To Jaina he said, "Don't encourage him."

She just giggled in response.

"Well, here you go," Rey said as she put candy in each of their bags. "Have fun guys!"

"Night!" they both called by.

"Bye Ren! Bye Hux!" Jaina added.

Rey closed the door. "Your sister is so darling," Rey said as she set the candy bowl down.

"She's a pain in the ass," Ren replied. "Not as big of one as Jacen, but still."

They stayed for another hour. Ren could tell Hux was getting bored, even though he busied himself with mixing drinks for other guests. No one had asked him to, he just started doing it. It was clear he was more comfortable being away from the crowd.

"Why don't we head home?" Ren finally suggested.

"We don't have to," Hux argued. "I know you want to stay."

"Hey, I love this kind of scene, but I know you'd rather be home," Ren replied. "Let's get out of here."

They said goodbye to Rey and Poe and even Finn before they left.

"Do you get trick or treaters at the apartment at all?"

Hux shrugged as he drove. "A few."

"We need to make a quick stop."

"What for?" Hux questioned.

"We need to pick up candy," Ren said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why?"

"I can't stand to see their disappointed faces!"

Hux laughed. "Then don't open the door." He glanced at Ren. He was pouting. "Fine," Hux said with an exasperated sigh. They stopped at a store and bought a bag of candy and some beer.

Once they were back at the apartment, they curled up on the couch together. "I hope you've had a pretty good night," Ren said as he laid in Hux's arms.

"I always have a good night when I'm with you," Hux answered as he played with Ren's hair.

There was a knock on the door and Ren jumped up to answer it. "Trick or treat!" three little kids shouted. Ren was ecstatic as he greeted them and handed out candy. They had a few more stop by, but not many. By the end of the night, Ren had convinced Hux to watch The Aadams Family with him.

'It's like, the BEST Halloween movie ever! And the way Gomez feels about Morticia speaking French, is how I feel about Hux speaking Gaelic.'

Hux was obviously not interested in the movie at all. Less than half way through he started kissing Ren's neck and running his hands over his body.

"Hux, I'm trying to watch this," Ren said as he pulled away from Hux.

"I just thought I'd entertain myself for a bit while you watch your movie," Hux replied.

"I'd REALLY like to watch it, babe."

Hux pulled away and looked at Ren seriously. "It's really that important to you, isn't it?"

Ren nodded. "It is. I've watched this movie every Halloween since I was a kid."

Hux sighed and curled up next to him. He stayed quiet and still through the rest of the movie.

'I don't feel like I'm being unreasonable. Am I? I'm just not interested at the moment. Is that a problem? Maybe I should, just to make him happy. Hux deserves to be happy.'

Ren looked down at Hux and saw that he was asleep in his arms. Ren smiled. 'He doesn't sleep well. I'll take him to bed.' He shifted himself, got off the couch, and lifted Hux in his arms. He carried him to their room and laid him in bed. He laid next to him and played with his hair.

"You're beautiful, Hux. I hope you know that." He kissed his cheek, closed his eyes, and fell asleep.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux introduces Ren to a holiday he's not accustomed to.  
> Ren and Hux argue about pizza.

The week seemed to fly by, but Hux and Ren's time together was becoming vastly limited. Hux was needing to spend more hours at the bakery to keep up with the impending increase of holiday orders. Ren was buckling down in his school work, trying to keep his grades up so he could get into the engineering classes he wanted for the next quarter.

When Hux got home late Saturday night, Ren had already made dinner. It was simple, mac and cheese with a green salad, but Hux was grateful for Ren's thoughtfulness.

"Thank you for making dinner," Hux said as they sat at the table.

Ren smiled like an idiot. It was obvious how much he loved hearing praise from Hux. "You're very welcome, Gingerbread." Ren chuckled to himself. "I don't know about you, but I LOVE mac and cheese!"

Hux chuckled to himself as he continued eating his dinner. "You certainly don't hold back when you love something," Hux commented with a smile and a shake of his head. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" Ren questioned.

Hux shrugged. "I taught myself not to. My father always used it against me. If I didn't let him know how much I cared for something, he couldn't take it away from me as punishment."

"He did that a lot?"

Hux shrugged again. "I was an ornery child. I tried to listen, but I wasn't the best at it."

Ren laughed. "I couldn't imagine you as a disobedient kid."

"Oh, I was," Hux assured him. "I still remember that last time... He... I..." Ren grabbed Hux's hand. Silently letting him know he was there for him. Hux wiped at tears he hadn't even realized had materialized. "Sorry."

"You don't need to be," Ren replied. "I'm sorry for everything you've gone through."

"Colonel wasn't THAT awful. Like I said," Hux looked down at his plate, "I was disobedient and ornery."

Ren scoffed, "Some how I doubt that." He took a forkful of Hux's mac and cheese and fed it to him. Hux had just learned to accept it when Ren did this. It was Ren's way of trying to take care of him, wanting to make sure he ate. "From everything you've told me about your dad, he sounds like an asshole."

Hux shrugged yet again. "There were good times. He changed a lot after my mum died." He accepted another forkful of food. "I think it hurt him more than even I could imagine."

Ren shook his head. "Everything you've said makes him sound like a monster." He took a bite of his own food before he fed more to Hux.

Hux shook his head. "No, he... Was stern and a disciplinary, but he was a good man."

Hux wondered to himself if he thought more of Brendol Hux than he ought to simply because the man was his father. Whatever the reason, and though he basically ran away from him, he still loved him and wanted to make him proud.

Brendol held Caoimhe's hand as she laid in the hospital bed, still and pale. "I wish you wouldn't leave me," he whispered through tears.

Hux sat beside him, as quiet as he could be. Brendol had already scolded him for blubbering, so he sat quietly. He didn't make a sound when the monitor hooked up to her cold, lifeless body, finally flat lined.

Brendol had buried his face into her hospital gown and wept. Hux had never seen his father so vulnerable and emotional before.

As they drove home that night, they both remained silent. Once they were home, Brendol sat Hux down and said to him, "You need to be a man now. I don't want to hear you crying or talking about it. She's gone and we'll have to live with it. Now, straighten up soldier." Hux squared his shoulders. "Good, now off to bed with you."

Hux scampered off to bed as he was told and cried the quietest tears he could.

Hux decided not to share this story with Ren. He loved and trusted him, but there were still parts of his past he wanted to keep to himself.

"So," Ren broke into his thoughts. "I was gonna go and visit Luke tomorrow, if you'd like to go."

Hux sighed. "I'm not opposed, but I've got so much going on right now. I have so much to do with the holidays coming up-"

"Sounds like you need to relax." Lighting up Ren added, "We can have a meditation session with him! That would be great!"

Hux sighed. "Ren, I don't know-"

"You're not working tomorrow," Ren pointed out. "I think it would do you some good."

Hux sighed once again. "Alright," he conceded. He had learned there was little to no arguing with Ren when he'd made up his mind.

****

"Good to see you boys again," Luke welcomed them as he gave them both a hug. Hux was still very uncomfortable with the physical greeting, but he was growing more accustomed to it. "So, Ren says you came to meditate for a bit."

"Yes, sir," Hux answered.

Luke laughed boisterously. "Hux, call me Luke. I used to punch guys who called me sir."

Hux smiled, but looked down in embarrassment. "Sorry, it won't happen again, Luke."

Luke smiled. "There you go." He began laying out yoga mats. "So, are we seeking wisdom from Mother Earth and Father Sky?" He sat on his own yoga mat. "Or are we just meditating today?"

"Just meditating," Ren answered as he sat. "Hux has a lot going on."

Hux sat beside Ren. Ren grabbed his hand and smiled. Hux smiled in return. He knew Ren believed in this mystic mumbo jumbo, but Hux had a hard time letting go of his reservations and believing it himself. He wondered if perhaps he SHOULD ask that they call on Mother Earth and Father Sky.

"You could have just meditated at your place," Luke replied to Ren.

Ren smiled sheepishly. "But then I'd miss out on an afternoon with you."

Luke looked at him skeptically. "Mhm," was all he replied. He then looked at Hux. "I will lead you in a breathing exercise to help you clear your mind and then we can begin. Follow my instructions. Listen only to my voice. Close your eyes."

Hux took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Now, just breathe, don't think about it. Let it happen naturally. Go to somewhere in your mind, a place that brings you peace."

Hux thought of his mum. He missed her and wished Ren could have met her. She would have loved him and he would have adored her equally. He was brought back to the moment by the sound of Luke's voice.

"Now, take a deep breath. In through your nose and out as well. Don't hold it, just breathe deeply as you seek for your center of peace." Hux could feel his facial muscles relax as he followed Luke's instructions. "Good. Now take a deep breath through your nose and hold it, just for a moment and release it through your mouth. Do it again."

Hux felt ridiculous sitting there doing nothing. He had so much to do! He felt his face scrunch up again. "It's alright," Luke assured him. "Just relax. Take another deep breath, don't hold it in, just let it go."

Hux smiled. He was reminded of Phasma coaching his breathing through an anxiety attack. Luke's voice was obviously deeper but it had the same tender quality to it and sense of care.

Ren gently squeezed his hand, grounding him and reminding him he was right there beside him. Hux squeezed back, offering a silent 'thank you'.

"Keep breathing," Luke instructed. "Go somewhere in your mind where you can find peace."

"Can I visit a memory?" Hux asked. He wasn't sure what the do's and don'ts were when it came to this.

"Absolutely! Memories often hold the the purest of peace we can find," Luke answered.

Hux took another deep breath and he let his mind return to his mum. A moment he cherished above all others. He was five and his mum had taken him on holiday to Ireland. Brendol was away for some military business, so Caoimhe took the opportunity to visit her homeland with her son.

They had a picnic one day and Hux smiled when he saw how his mother's green eyes matched the grassy hills around them. "You have Ireland in you Mama!" Hux exclaimed through a bite of his lunch.

Caoimhe smiled. "Whatever do you mean, Armie?"

"Your eyes! They look like Ireland," he answered excitedly.

Caoimhe laughed gayly. "I suppose you're right. Your eyes look like Ireland too m'aingeal."

Hux smiled brightly. He was overwhelmed with the joy it brought to his boyish heart, hearing his mother call him her angel in Gaelic. "Tá tú go h-álainn Mama," Hux said as he held her close.

Suddenly, the memory shifted. Hux saw himself as he was now, a man, but in that same moment. He held on to this woman whom he loved more than life itself, and refused to let go. "Don't leave me again, Mama!" he begged through tears.

"I will ALWAYS be with you, Armie," she replied as she stroked his hair soothingly.

Hux shook his head, burying his face in her shoulder. "But you're NOT here! I still need you!"

"You don't need me anymore m'aingeal," she whispered. She pulled away and looked him in the eyes. She held his face between her hands. She wiped at his tears and tapped a finger to his chest, over his heart. "But I will always be HERE, Armie." She kissed his forehead and disappeared.

Hux opened his eyes. He was breathing heavily. Ren and Luke still sat where they were, eyes closed, and meditating. Hux tried to slow his breathing. He was angry he was having a panic attack because of a memory of his mother! He closed his eyes again and held them tightly shut. He could feel the tears forming, but he refused to let them fall. He tightened his hold on Ren's hand, needing him to ground him to that moment. Hux tried to clear his mind, but he couldn't.

He heard Luke's voice cut through his wandering thoughts. "It's alright to not meditate, Hux. I can sense your energy. You feel overwhelmed." He felt Luke's hand on his knee. "You can open your eyes."

Hux looked up into Luke's kind gaze. "I want to meditate," he assured Luke. He wanted so desperately to do this for Ren. He knew it was important to him. He wanted to be able to do it, but sitting in silence doing nothing was, in his mind, a complete waste of time.

Luke stood up and pulled Hux to his feet. "Feel free to continue meditating, Ren," he said to him as he led Hux to the kitchenette. He had him sit as he made some tea. He spoke quietly as not to disturb Ren and to keep the conversation as private as possible. "I know this hippie shit really isn't for you, kiddo."

Hux felt himself flush. He was trying so hard. Yes, he didn't get it, didn't care for it, but it meant so much to Ren. "I REALLY am trying," he whispered his reply as he looked down in shame.

Luke patted him on the shoulder. "It's alright," he assured him. "You seem like a sensible man. This kind of stuff can be difficult for someone like you to accept, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"But there IS," Hux replied looking up at Luke. They continued in low voices. "Meditation and energies and, and, ALL of it, it means SO much to Ren. I want to make it a part of me too for his sake."

Luke smiled as he poured the water for their tea. "Ren cares for you," Luke said as he handed the mug to Hux. "Even if you never come to accept his mystic beliefs, he will always care for you. It means a lot that you're so willing to try." Luke took a sip from his own mug. "Hmm, needs milk." He got the pitcher from the fridge and poured some in and then offered it to Hux.

Hux accepted it as he said, "I care very much for Ren." He looked back up at Luke. "I just want him to be happy."

Luke smiled. "He is. I haven't seen him this happy since he was a kid. After he almost lost his mom, he changed." Luke sipped from his mug again, this time, nodding in approval.

Hux looked at look in confusion. "Did Leia nearly die when he was a boy?"

Luke nodded. "It was very frightening." Luke looked into the distance as he told Hux the story. "There were complications when Leia had Jacen and Jaina. They had to do an emergency cesarean in order to save the babies. Even after that though, the doctors weren't sure if Leia would make it through. For the next two weeks, Ren helped Han take care of these two little infants without his mother. All the while fearing he'd never see her again."

Hux nodded, holding his tea tightly between his hands. "I lost my mum when I was about nine. But I knew it was coming. For two years I watched her fight her cancer. I know what it's like to lose a parent." He looked up at Luke and continued with, "But to nearly lose her without any warning at all, I couldn't imagine."

Luke nodded. "It changed him in a lot of ways. He was only nine himself, but he was different after that. But seeing him with you," Luke leaned on the counter and closer to Hux, "I see some semblance of that boy he once was. There's a happiness and joy I see in him that I honestly haven't seen in him in over a decade. You may not be able to grasp an understanding of his mystic beliefs, but you bring out the best in him."

Hux smiled. Hearing that from Luke was perhaps the best compliment he'd ever received in his entire life.

As they drove home that night, Ren asked Hux, "What did you and Luke talk about while I was meditating?"

Hux smiled as he drove. "Just about how much of a nuisance you are."

Ren laughed as he gently pushed Hux's arm. Hux laughed as well and held Ren's hand the rest of the drive home.

****

Monday afternoon, Hux was preparing for an evening at Phasma's place. He'd been vague to Ren about the plans, not sure how he would react. He had simply told him it was "Bonfire Night". Though Ren didn't know everything that entailed, he seemed excited by the idea. All else Ren knew was that they were spending the evening with Phasma and Rose.

Hux dressed nicely, still casually, in dark jeans and a long sleeved dark green button up. He was combing his hair to where he wanted it to sit when Ren came home from work.

"Hey, Gingerbread!" he said as he ruffled Hux's nicely done hair.

Hux swatted him away. "I just did that!" he shouted, not sure if he should actually be annoyed. He had learned he quite liked Ren's fingers in his hair. He'd started letting it grow out because of it.

"Why do you think I mussed it up?" Ren teased as he stepped away into their room. "Is tonight supposed to be dressy?" Ren shouted.

"Well, not exactly," Hux answered back. He checked his reflection. He'd stopped shaving as well. There was stubble, but he was still far from a full beard. "I just thought it would be nice to dress a little more than casual."

Ren came back into view, now in nothing but his boxers. "So I definitely can't go like this?" Ren joked.

Hux looked at him, smiled, and shook his head. "Probably better not. I wouldn't want Rose to leave Phasma for you."

Ren laughed and kissed Hux. He then went to the shower and turned it on. "So, what's tonight all about exactly?"

"What do you mean?"

Ren gave Hux a skeptical look. "You know what I mean. Why are we spending time with Phasma and Rose? Aside from having a bonfire which will be AWESOME, we really haven't ever done that."

Hux shrugged. "We've spent plenty of time with YOUR friends, thought it might be nice to spend some time with MINE for a change."

Ren nodded. "Okay." It made sense. He pulled off his boxers and got into the shower. "Want to join me, Gingerbread?"

"I already showered, you menace," Hux called back as he went back to fixing his hair.

Ren peeked around the shower curtain. "Doesn't mean you can't join me." He winked.

Hux rolled his eyes. "Fine, then my answer is no." Ren pouted. "You're not getting your way just because you give me that adorable face of yours."

Ren chuckled. "I could give you something else you might like," he teased.

"You. Shower. Now." Hux ordered and then left. He waited in the living room on the sofa for Ren to finish getting ready. He texted Phasma while he waited.

'Everything ready for tonight?'

'Of course! I'm so excited!'

Hux smiled. 'See you soon!'

It had been some time since he last hung out with Phasma and Rose. He was certain it was because he didn't want to feel like a third wheel. But he did enjoy spending time with them. Rose was so quite and soft spoken, he liked that about her. It made it easy to get along with her. She never forced small talk or made a silence amidst any given conversation seem awkward. She was in so many ways, quite the opposite of everything Phasma was. Phasma was strikingly tall for a woman at her 6'3". She even towered over Hux who was only two inches shorter, but Rose was more than a foot shorter than Phasma at a petite 5'2".

Hux laughed to himself as he thought more on their obvious differences. Phasma was blond and Rose had dark black hair. Phasma was outspoken while Rose mostly kept her thoughts to herself. Thinking on it, he couldn't see why they were together at all. They had little to nothing in common, but in spite of that, it was obvious to Hux how much Rose truly meant to Phasma.

****

Ren seemed nervous as they approached Phasma's place. Hux smiled at him as they got out of the car. "Everything okay, Ren?"

Ren cleared his throat. "Yeah, of course. Why, why wouldn't it be?"

Hux chuckled. "Everything will be fine. I promise."

Ren nodded. "I know." Ren grabbed his hand though, obviously still anxious. He'd never met Rose and aside from the one time Phasma came over to help Hux through his panic attack, he'd never spent time with her outside of the bakery.

Hux walked in without knocking. "Evening, Darlings!" Hux called out as they walked in.

Rose came into the living room from the kitchen. She smiled. "Hey, Hux."

He smiled back at her. "Rose," he grabbed her hand and kissed it, "a pleasure as always, little sister. This is my boyfriend, Ren. Ren this is Rose, Phasma's girlfriend."

Ren extended his hand to shake hers. "Nice to meet you."

Rose shook his hand gently. "You too. Well, Gwen's setting up the food in the dinning room. I've already got the fire going."

As Rose made her way to the kitchen Ren whispered, "Is Gwen Phasma's first name?"

Hux whispered back, "Yes, but the only two people in the entire world who AREN'T forbidden from using it are Rose and myself."

Ren laughed to himself. "Okay." They made their way to the kitchen where Phasma was just pulling out a fresh pan of flapjacks. "Evening boys," she said cheerfully. "And how are you tonight?"

"Well," Hux answered. "And yourself?"

"As good as can be!"

"We brought some wine," Ren offered, holding up the bottle. "Where do you want it?"

"In me," Phasma joked and then laughed.

"It would seem you've already had some to drink," Hux commented as he took the bottle from Ren and put it on the dinning room table. "Anything we can do to help?" Hux offered, turning back to Phasma.

"Just make yourselves comfortable outside, I'll follow here in just a minute," she answered as she turned back to the pan and started cutting.

Ren followed Hux outside. Rose was tending to the fire. She looked up. "Beer?" she asked.

"Please," Hux answered.

"Yeah, uh, sure," Ren said.

Rose went to a cooler, pulled two cans out, and handed them to the boys.

"Thank you," Hux offered.

"Thanks," was Ren's response.

Rose sat down. "So how are you?" Rose asked as she drank from a cup. "Feels like I haven't seen you in forever."

Hux sat down on one of the chairs that were placed around the fire. Ren sat in the one next to him, obviously out of his comfort zone, sitting as close to Hux as he could.

"Things have been good. The bakery is fine. I started dating Ren, he moved in-"

"Wait! Moved in?! When did THIS happen? I thought you started dating like a month ago," Rose interrupted.

Hux cleared his throat. "Almost a month and a half actually," Hux replied quietly.

"Hey, no judging here," Rose said putting her hands up in defense. "It just seems really out of character for you. I mean, after everything that happened with Phel, I just didn't see you getting involved with someone so hastily."

Hux bristled. After Hux had broken up with DJ, he was devastated. And he didn't want to be alone, so he made a horrible decision to look up his old boyfriend Dopheld Mitaka.

Hux pounded on the front door. He was dripping wet from the rain, but he didn't care, he knew it hid his tears at least. The door opened to a half naked Phel. He had woken him up and he didn't put on his robe before answering the door.

"Hux?" he asked in confusion, but then he smiled. "Hux!" Hux stepped in and quickly pulled Phel to him. Phel managed to close the door. Hux made his way to the sofa, pulling his clothes off along the way. When Hux pushed him to the sofa, he immediately sat up. "Hux, what's going on?" Hux answered only in pressing himself into Phel, but he pushed Hux away. "Stop! I haven't seen you in three years and you come barging into my house in the middle of the night. I demand you tell me what's going on!"

Hux tried to steady his breath. "I, I, I've just missed you." He tried to lean in again to kiss him, but Phel pushed against his chest.

"You fucking disappeared!" Phel said. "You were just gone one day. I was worried sick! I didn't know if something happened to you! If you were dead or your father stole you away. I went crazy in worry! So, don't you dare tell me that you've just 'missed' me."

Hux looked down in shame. "You know why I left, Phel. I told you I was going to. You were smothering me. You had to always know where I was and wouldn't let me go anywhere without you."

Phel gently stroked Hux's cheek. "I wanted to know where you were because I wanted to make sure you were safe. And I only went everywhere with you because I wanted to be with you." He grabbed Hux's chin and tilted his face up. "Why are you back?"

Tears filled Hux's eyes. "I made a mistake, Phel. I left you and I shouldn't have. Someone else came into my life after you and, he... He made me realise I never should have left you."

Phel pulled him close, resting Hux's head on his chest. He rocked him back and forth as Hux sobbed. "It's all alright now. You're back and I'm never letting go."

"Who's Phel?" Ren asked, bringing Hux back to the present.

"My last boyfriend," Hux answered in a frustrated tone. Why did things about his exes keep coming up in front of Ren?

"I thought you last boyfriend's name was DJ?" Ren was confused.

"Phel was before DJ." Hux then added quietly, trying to hide it with a sip of his beer, "And kind of after."

"You got back together with an ex after you broke up with the guy who broke your heart?"

Hux looked at Ren very sternly. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

Ren shrugged. "Okay." As an afterthought he asked, "How many boyfriends HAVE you had?"

Hux was quiet for a moment, but finally answered, "Several."

"You guys haven't had the number conversation yet?" Rose asked skeptically. "God, I told Gwen almost immediately. I always think it's good to let your partner know that you've slept with about twenty different chicks."

Ren nearly choked on his beer. "Twenty?"

Rose shrugged. "Yeah, I started having sex when I was about thirteen."

Ren's eyes widened. "Thirteen?"

Hux laughed. "Ren, just because YOU held out until you were twenty doesn't mean everyone else did."

Now Rose's eyes widened. "You didn't until... How old are you?"

Ren looked down embarrassed. "Twenty."

Rose laughed. "Seriously!? What, is Hux like your first?" She sipped from her cup.

Ren crossed his arms. "Yeah."

Rose's face softened. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't tease. Look, some people are just late bloomers."

"Yeah," Ren replied quietly.

Rose shrugged. "I just thought sex wasn't that big of a deal. It was a very casual thing for me." Looking up at Ren she continued, "Obviously for you, it meant something more. I respect people who decide to wait."

"Wait for what?" Phasma asked as she came out with two plates of desserts and set them on the folding table.

"For you to shut up," Hux answered. "But God knows we'll wait for an eternity."

Phasma smacked him on the back of the head as she walked by. Hux laughed.

"How many partners have YOU had?" Ren asked, directing the question at Phasma.

"Men or women?" she answered as she sat down.

Ren sighed, feeling defeated. Hux put his hand on his knee. "Ren, it's not a big deal. You shouldn't compare yourself to everyone else."

"Is THAT what we're discussing?" Phasma asked, wanting to catch up. "Ren, you're young, you shouldn't expect your number to be anywhere near ours."

"You're only five years older than me," Ren pointed out.

"I'm actually only a year older than you," Rose said quietly.

"See!" Ren shouted.

"What's your point, Ren?" Hux asked irritably. "No one CARES how many people you've slept with. It's not a competition."

Ren looked away frustrated. He obviously felt out of place for having only slept with one person. Hux sighed. The more he thought on it, the more he felt awful about his number, especially because it made Ren feel inadequate. He hadn't even had that many relationships, but he did fuck around. After Timmons, he slept with almost any guy who was willing. By the time he'd started working at the bar, he had higher standards, which mostly meant they had to be hot. Hux drank his beer quietly, annoyed by his own shallowness.

Phasma cleared her throat. "Well, why don't we get started?" She looked at Rose and asked, "You have him don't you?"

"Oh yeah," Rose replied as she jumped from her seat. "I'll be right back." She dashed inside.

Ren looked at Phasma and asked, "Have who?"

"Mr. Fawkes of course!" Phasma answered with excitement. Rose came back out with a cloth doll.

"Here's our 'Guy'!" Rose hollered as she handed it to Hux.

"You've REALLY outdone yourself!" Hux exclaimed as he studied the effigy with interest. "He gets better and better every year, sis." He handed the strange doll back to her.

Rose didn't take it back. "Gwen and I decided YOU should get to throw him in this year."

Ren glanced over at Hux in worry. He was completely confused about what was going on. 'This year'? So, it happened EVERY year? Was this a voodoo doll and they were attempting to kill someone? Who the Hell was 'Mr. Fawkes'?

"Really?" Hux was touched by the offer. "Thank you! I'd be delighted." He stood up and got closer to the fire pit. "Good-bye Mr. Fawkes. I hope you burn in Hell for eternity." He then tossed the doll into the fire. If anyone had looked at Ren, they'd have seen the look of horror and confusion on his face, especially once Hux and Phasma began singing.

"Remember, remember, the 5th of November.

"The Gunpowder Treason and plot ;

"I know of no reason why the Gunpowder Treason

"Should ever be forgot.

"Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,

"'Twas his intent.

"To blow up the King and the Parliament.

"Three score barrels of powder below.

"Poor old England to overthrow.

"By God's providence he was catch'd,

"With a dark lantern and burning match

"Holloa boys, Holloa boys, let the bells ring

"Holloa boys, Holloa boys, God save the King!

"Hip hip Hoorah !

"Hip hip Hoorah !

"A penny loaf to feed ol'Pope,

"A farthing cheese to choke him.

"A pint of beer to rinse it down,

"A faggot of sticks to burn him.

"Burn him in a tub of tar,'

"Burn him like a blazing star.

"Burn his body from his head,

"Then we'll say: ol'Pope is dead."

It wasn't even a song really. More of a strange chant, like an old nursery rhyme. Only Phasma and Hux recited it, Rose mouthed the words, but didn't seem to do it out loud.

Hux finally looked back at Ren and smiled. It was obvious how uncomfortable he was. He sat back down and grabbed his hand. He could feel Ren's hesitance though. "Acushla, are you alright?"

He could feel Ren shaking, and not from the cold. "Um, yeah."

Phasma burst into laughter. "Did you not tell him about Guy Fawkes night?" She then drank from the glass of wine she'd poured herself some time earlier.

Hux smiled sheepishly. "I really didn't think he'd be interested."

"What's a Guy Fawkes night?" Ren asked, still with fear in his voice.

"You tell the story Hux!" Rose demanded. "I LOVE hearing you tell it!" She bounced up and down in her chair like an excited child.

Hux smiled as he recalled when he was a young boy, asking his father to tell him the story as he tucked him into bed.

"James I was king at the time. There were some who didn't like him because he was Protestant." Brendol chuckled to himself. "And Scottish, that made him rather unpopular is some crowds.

"A band of 12 Catholics, led by Guy Fawkes, plotted to KILL the king!" Hux gasped at this part each time. It brought another smile to his father's face.

"They planned to blow up parliament and the king along with it. On November the 5th, they secretly rolled barrels of gunpowder into the cellars beneath parliament. The plan would have succeeded had it not been for the 13th man they'd enlisted. He wrote a letter to Lord Monteagle, who was also Catholic, warning him not to go to parliament on the day the explosion was planned.

"Lord Monteagle was loyal to our king and told him of the plot. Guy Fawkes was caught in the cellars attempting to light the gunpowder and was arrested. They interrogated him and later he was hung, drawn, and quartered." Brendol laughed. "That would have been a sight to see." He tucked the blankets in around Hux and said, "Now sleep."

"Again!" Hux shouted. "Please, tell it again!" he begged.

Brendol's brows furrowed. "Weren't you listening the first time, boy?!" he shouted irritably. Hux instinctively pulled away. He knew with his father's shouts, there was often a physical repercussion to follow. Brendol sighed angrily. "You're a coward, Armitage! I ought to beat that weakness out of you!"

"No!" Hux shouted as he squirmed away. He jumped out of his bed and made a dash for the door, but Brendol was quicker and stronger. He grabbed his son around the middle and pulled him back to the bed.

"You, little brat!" He sat on the bed and pulled Hux over his knee. He spanked him hard several times. "Stop crying! Take your punishment like a man!" Hux stifled his sobs, knowing if he did, his father would relent sooner rather than later.

Hux pushed this memory aside as he retold the story, nearly word for word as his father had. He looked over at Ren to gauge his reaction.

"Okay then," was all Ren said in reply. He was obviously still completely uncomfortable.

Rose giggled. "Hux, your boyfriend is completely adorable," she commented as she sipped from her cup.

Hux looked over at him and smiled. "He really is, isn't he?"

Ren met his gaze and smiled in return. "Thanks, Gingerbread."

This got Rose howling in laughter. "Gingerbread?! Hux HATES that name! He said they used to tease him with that nickname when he was a kid." She got up and got a beer from the cooler now that her cup was empty.

Ren looked over at Hux. Even in the dim light of the fire, he could see he was turning red from embarrassment. "You never told me that."

"I asked you to stop when we first met, but you were incessant about using it," Hux explained. "I figured there wasn't any point in fighting you over it."

Ren looked genuinely upset at himself. "I'm sorry, Hux, I won't do it any more. I promise."

Hux chuckled. "I don't mind it so much NOW. I've actually grown rather fond of it, hearing it from you." Hux refused to admit that the name arose as a taunt because his schoolmates had heard his mum use it. He loved hearing her call him that, but begged her to stop once the other kids in primary school made fun of him for it. After she had passed, he found himself longing to hear her call him that just one more time.

"Well, if you like it, Gingerbread, I'll keep using it," Ren replied as he pulled Hux's hand to his lips and kissed it.

Phasma rolled her eyes. "You two are disgusting." To Rose she said, "They do this kind of thing all the time. Ren comes in every morning for a snog and a coffee."

Rose laughed again. "When did you guys started selling snogs?" She went over to Hux and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Could I get one too?"

Hux tilted his head back and kissed her on the nose. "That's about all you're going to get, little sister." He then reached up and booped her nose. She laughed and he smiled.

Since Phasma started dating Rose, she'd become such a good friend to Hux. He eventually even started seeing her as a little sister, and so he started calling her that. Rose didn't mind in the least. She was the oldest in her family, so having an older brother-like figure was nice.

They all sat around the fire for the rest of the night, eating sweets and drinking more than they should. Eventually, Hux decided it was time for them to head home. Rose was passed out in Phasma's arms and Ren was giggling about almost everything. They said their good-byes and headed home.

Hux was exhausted as they crawled into bed that night. He held Ren tightly, his chest pressed against Ren's back. "I hope you had a good night," Hux said as he played with Ren's hair.

"Yeah, it was nice," Ren replied. "I still don't think I understand the holiday though. I still think it's bizarre."

Hux huffed. "It's no stranger than YOUR celebration of the mass genocide of the indigenous people of this land."

Ren pulled away and turned to look at Hux. "What?"

"Thanksgiving," he answered

"That's not what Thanksgiving is about. It's about Turkey."

Hux chuckled and shook his head. "You're right, Ren, it is."

Ren rolled back onto his side, a smirk on his face. "Of course, I'm right. I'm just glad you realise it." Hux grabbed his pillow and smacked Ren over the head with it. "Hey!" he protested with a laugh as he sat up. "What the Hell?"

Hux sat up now as well. "You are a twit."

"Screw you," Ren joked as he hit Hux with his own pillow.

"That's enough, Ren!" Hux shouted with a laugh, striking Ren with his pillow once again. They were both laughing, hitting each other with pillows, until Hux tried to tackle him. They played at trying to get the upper hand, rolling around, until Ren was on top of him, pinning him down with his full weight. He held his hands above his head.

"Do you give up?"

"Never!" Hux shouted with a smile as he struggled to move under Ren's weight, but he was pinned for good. There was no chance he was getting out on his own. He stopped moving and huffed. "Fine, YOU win."

Ren smiled mischievously. Hux loved that stupid smile. "What do I get for winning?"

"That depends," Hux answered. "What do you want?"

Ren leaned down and whispered, "I want you." He caught Hux's ear between his teeth and then slowly made his way down to his neck, sucking and licking as he did.

Hux felt himself shiver. With the limited time they'd had together as of late, it felt like it had been AGES since they'd last had sex. Ren started sucking on Hux's collarbone. "Oh God, Ren!" He moaned. He wanted to bury his fingers in Ren's hair, but he still had his hands pinned above his head. He tried to pull them away, but Ren held them firmly in place. "Damn it, Ren," Hux managed to moan out. "Let me touch you! Please?" he begged. Ren's response was grinding into Hux and refusing to let go of his wrists.

Ren pulled his lips away from Hux's skin and whispered, "I want to fuck you so badly right now."

Hux looked at him. "What's stopping you?"

Ren smiled. "Good point." He moved off of Hux, letting go of his wrists, and flipped him over. Ren got behind him again, leaned forward, and whispered in his ear, "Tell me what you want, babe." He nibbled at his ear again.

Hux looked back at him and answered. "I want to see you." He turned himself back over, wrapping Ren's waist around his legs. "I want you like this." He could almost hear an audible gulp come from Ren. They usually did it from behind. Hux had ridden Ren a few times, but when Ren was on top, he was behind Hux typically. Ren had tried it once or twice, but he always felt self-concious with Hux watching him.

"Are you sure?" Ren asked. It was obvious how nervous he was. Hux leaned forward and kissed him deeply, wrapping his arms around his neck.

"I'm sure," Hux answered as he pulled away. He peeled off his shirt and looked Ren in the eyes. "I want to see your face when you finish." He reached out and stroked Ren's cheek lovingly. "I want to see how beautiful you are when you're in complete bliss."

Ren looked away with a slight smile. "I'm not beautiful, Hux."

Hux lightly grabbed his chin and turned his face back toward him. "You are to me." He kissed Ren as he ran his fingers through his hair. He then grabbed the hem of Ren's shirt and pulled it off. He stared for a moment at him and then added in a whisper, "God, you're beautiful!"

Ren tried to hold Hux's gaze as he smiled. He then asked, "Do you want me to ride you, or-"

Hux whispered in his ear, "You said you wanted to fuck me. I want you to as well." He bit Ren's ear gently, forcing a soft moan from him. "I want you to fuck me hard." He then gently bit his neck. A much louder moan escaped his lips. "I want you to fuck me, like it's the last time."

Ren pulled away and quickly went to work undressing Hux the rest of the way. He then took his jeans off as well. He stood there in just his boxers, but he was already so hard, they weren't containing him. He grabbed the lube as he pulled them off. "You sure?"

"Talk dirty to me, Ren," Hux begged. "Think you can do that?"

Ren wasn't about to fail a challenge from Hux. He quickly pulled his boxers off and put some lube on himself. "I don't know, little bitch. Think you can keep your mouth shut?" He climbed on to the bed again and lined himself up as Hux pulled his legs up and wrapped them around Ren's chest.

"Yes, sir," Hux answered. Ren pushed in without warning, causing Hux to gasp in pain and pleasure.

"I'm gonna wreck you," Ren said as he started thrusting in and out. "Make you my fucking little bitch. Would you like that, Armitage?"

Hux hated it when someone used his first name, but he knew it fit for the moment, so he didn't complain. "Yes, sir. I want to be your bitch."

"You ARE my bitch. You're my fucking SLUT, aren't you? Yeah, you're a God Damn whore!"

"Just for you, Ren. Always."

Ren didn't slow his pace. "Tell me how much you like having my dick in you like this."

"Oh, it's so, it's wonderful, Ren. Don't stop. Please!" he begged. This made Ren thrust in harder and faster. He kept calling him his whore and every dirty thing he could think of until he finally came. He knew Hux was close, so he quickly pulled out and dropped his head to his cock and sucked furiously. Hux came with a shout.

Ren crawled up next to him and laid his head on his chest. "God, you're amazing, Ren." He reached for his cigarettes in his night stand, but Ren stopped him.

"Please don't," Ren asked quietly.

Hux pulled his hand back to himself. "Does it really bother you?"

Ren shrugged. "Maybe a little."

"Alright," Hux said quietly. "I'll stop."

Ren shook his head. "You don't have to, not entirely. I just don't want you to tonight."

Hux nodded. "Very well, Agra." He wrapped his arms around Ren and played with his hair. "You really ARE beautiful, you know?"

Ren scoffed quietly. "If you say so."

"I do." Hux kissed the top of his head. "I love you so much, Ren."

"I love you too," Ren replied as he drifted off to sleep.

****

Friday night, Ren and Hux decided it was necessary for them to have a date night. They rented a movie and ordered pizza. Hux hadn't realised ordering pizza with Ren would prove to be so difficult.

"I don't know, what kind of pizza do you like?" Ren answered when Hux asked him what kind of pizza he'd like.

Hux sighed. "I like simple pizza," Hux replied. "I'm fine with just pepperoni."

Ren dropped his head back to the couch and pretended to snore. He looked back up at Hux and said, "Boring! Come on! You need to spice it up!"

"And what would YOU suggest?"

Ren closed his eyes. "I'm feeling a pineapple, green pepper, and artichoke." He opened his eyes and looked at Hux. The look of disgust on his face said everything. "What? It's good!"

"That sounds revolting."

"Have you TRIED it?" Ren joked.

"I don't HAVE to try it to KNOW that I'd hate it."

Ren huffed. "Fine." He closed his eyes again and thought for a moment. He sat up, putting his hands up in a stopping gesture. "Wait! I've got the perfect combo! Jalapeno, sausage, and Canadian bacon!"

"Who puts jalapenos on pizza?" Hux shouted his outrage.

Ren sat back. "It's so good. Fine, YOU pick. But it can't be JUST pepperoni."

Hux huffed. "Fine, pepperoni and sausage."

"That's even MORE boring!"

"Well, not everyone has a pallet like YOURS, Ren," Hux replied.

Ren sat forward again. "Okay, pepperoni, pineapple, and salami."

"You're disgusting," Hux commented. "Make it bacon or ham and you have a deal."

"Yes!" Ren quickly got on his phone and order it online. He set his phone down and said, "It should be here in about twenty minutes." He leaned into Hux with a smile. "Think you can fuck me before the delivery boy gets here?"

Hux rolled his eyes. "No, I need a proper amount of time to make love to you."

Ren kissed his neck and mumbled, "I never said anything about 'making love' though." He bit his neck, causing Hux to moan.

"I REALLY don't think we have the time," Hux commented. Ren had crawled on top of him and forced him to lay down. Ren started to grind into him as he kept sucking and biting Hux's neck. "God, Ren. Ah! Fuck me!"

"If you insist," Ren replied as he started to undo Hux's pants.

"That's not what I meant!" Hux protested.

"You're the one who said it!" Ren yelled back with a smile.

Hux tried to grab at his hands. "No, no, stop. That's enough!"

Ren grabbed his hands to stop him. He smiled down at Hux. "What, you worried the delivery guy is gonna just WALK in?"

"No, Ren, I-" he was cut off because of a moan that Ren forced out of him by kissing his neck again. Ren went back to undoing Hux's trousers. "I promise you, we don't have the time."

"And I promise I can get you off in the amount of time we have," Ren replied.

"You're trying to manipulate me into having sex!" Hux shouted.

Ren laughed. "Think of it more as, presenting a challenge."

Ren's phone rang. Hux smiled. "You going to answer that?"

Ren got off from on top of Hux and sat back on the couch as he answered his phone. "Hello? Oh, hey Mom... Okay?"

Hux took this opportunity to give Ren a taste of his own medicine. He straddled his lap and started kissing his neck. Ren closed his eyes as he listened to what his mom said. Hux heard small snippets of it. Thanksgiving dinner was apparently the subject of topic.

"Yeah, we can be there," Ren answered. "We've already talked about this, Mom." Ren tried to pull away from Hux as he went on. "If I come, I'm bringing Hux, end of discussion."

Hux stopped. He could feel Ren's face getting hot. He was obviously upset. He moved off of Ren, sitting right beside him, and gently ran his fingers through his hair.

"Well, then I'M not coming... I AM being reasonable!" Ren shouted. This made Hux pull his hand away. "If you want ME there, I'm bringing Hux. Why don't you get that?" Ren stood up and started pacing the room as he continued. "Then don't expect ME to be there!... Well, that's your choice, if you want me, Hux is coming. If you don't want Hux, you don't get me... Alright, then I'll be there... God, Mom, you don't even KNOW him! You liked him the first time you met him!... He's sorry about that! He didn't mean it. He was drunk! Why do we have to go OVER this again?"

Hux watched him quietly as he continued to pace around the living room. Millicent ventured in and jumped on his lap. He pet her quietly as he continued to watch Ren. "You know, maybe on second thought, I WON'T come for Thanksgiving... If YOU'RE gonna continue to be like that, then I don't want to be there!..."

Ren was now standing by the sofa again. Hux, with the hand not busy with the cat, reached out and grabbed Ren's. Ren held tightly, willing himself to calm down. Ren sighed. "Fine, we'll come. But if anyone says ANYTHING, I swear to God, we'll leave... Fine... What do you want us to bring?... We can do that... Fine, I'll see you then... Love you too." He hung up and sighed again. "Why does my family have to be so FUCKING difficult?!"

Hux chuckled. "They're family Ren, it's what they do."

Ren sat on the sofa again and tossed his phone, a bit harder than he should have, back on to the coffee table. He crossed his arms, looking off into the distance. "That's not what family is about," he argued quietly, it was nearly a whisper.

Hux sighed. "Ren, Acushla." Hux forced Millicent down on the floor and climbed back onto Ren's lap. He forced his arms open and made him look at him. He put his arms on his shoulders, digging his hands into his long, dark hair. "Remember, THIS is what matters. Not THEM, not what THEY want. YOU and I are what matters." Ren turned his head away, but Hux moved his face in front of his regardless. "Ren," he whispered. The tenderness made Ren face forward to look at him. "I love you. We don't need anyone or anything else, just us." Ren nodded as Hux wiped his tears away. He smiled, "Your such an emotional fool."

Ren laughed. "Shut up." He shoved Hux off and on back onto the sofa. "I had an emo phase," he admitted.

"HAD?" Hux questioned.

"Shut up," Ren joked as he pushed him again. Hux laughed. It was good to see him smile.

The doorbell rang and Hux got up to answer it. He paid for the pizza and brought it back to the coffee table. Ren sat forward excitedly. "So I have a surprise! I DID order a medium of one of my favorites for you to try."

"Depending on what it is, I may not be willing to," Hux admitted as he went to the kitchen and got a beer and a plate for each of them.

Ren laughed. "It's one of the more simple ones, I promise." He opened the large pizza that was what Hux had insisted he order, pulling two slices off and putting them on Hux's plate. Hux sat down on the sofa again. Ren opened the medium pizza. "Pineapple, mushroom, and bacon." He looked at Hux and smiled.

"It sounds abhorrent," Hux commented, though he admitted to himself, it wasn't the worst combo he'd heard that night.

Ren pulled out a slice and nearly devoured it. "It's so fucking good," he said through a mouth-full of pizza.

"Have some manners you, oaf, and eat with your mouth closed," Hux replied.

Ren pulled another slice out and put it on Hux's plate. "Try it!"

"No!" Hux shouted. "You don’t put mushrooms with pineapple AND bacon! Ren, that’s not a pizza it’s an abomination!”

"It's delicious! THAT'S what it is," Ren argued.

Hux sighed. "You're lucky you're cute."

Ren put his hand over his heart. “Oh, you think I’m cute?” 

Hux rolled his eyes. “Shut up”

Ren giggled. "You think I’m cute!” He leaned closer to Hux.

“I can easily change my mind," Hux replied as he moved away from him.

"But you wouldn’t," Ren put his hand on Hux's knee and leaned in to sweetly kiss his cheek.

"Don't tempt me, Ren, I just might."

"If you're going to change your mind about something, you should change your mind about sausage and green peppers and pineapple."

Hux shook his head "That sounds worst than what you ACTUALLY ordered."

“But, honey!" Ren nearly shouted. "It tastes great! And, like I said, you’ve never even tried it!”

Hux sighed. “I don’t need to eat it to know that it’s vile."

Ren bit his lip with a grin. “There’s really only one thing that tastes better than this pizza.”

Hux looked at him with a bored expression. “Really? Pray tell, what is that?"

Ren moved closer, trapping Hux in the corner of the sofa. "You." He leaned forward to try and kiss him, but Hux nearly jumped off the sofa.

“Don’t you dare, you’ll taste of your horrible pizza!” He shouted.

Ren stood up and advanced on him. "But, sweetheart! Don't you want to kiss me?"

Hux kept backing up. “I swear if you try that again you’re not getting any for a month!” Hux half heartedly joked. Ren pressed forward. Hux realised he was now pressed against the wall. "Don't you dare!" he threatened. Ren just pressed closer without a word. “Ren I’m warning you!” Ren was in front of him now. He pressed his hands against the wall and leaned in to kiss Hux. Once Ren's eyes were closed, he saw his opportunity. He ducked and ran to the other side of the room.

Ren didn't catch him in time. He turned and laughed. "You bastard! Get back here! I just want to kiss your pretty face!" he teased.

"No, you want to force me to taste that abomination of a pizza, that's what you want." They circled the coffee table.

Ren smiled. "Of course not, darling! I just want to show you how much I LOVE you!"

Hux smiled, holding back a laugh. "That's quite enough, Ren."

Ren finally jumped over the table and tackled Hux to the sofa. "Got you now!" Ren was true to his word and started kissing his face.

Hux couldn't stop laughing. "That's more than enough, Ren!" But Ren kept up with pressing his lips to every part of Hux's face. His nose, his cheeks, his chin, everywhere but his lips. "Are you done yet!?" Hux laughed.

Ren shook his head. "Nope." He then pressed his full lips to Hux's. He didn't waste any time and forced his tongue inside as well. Hux stopped struggling and enjoyed the moment.

Ren finally pulled away and Hux looked up at him with a smile. "Alright, that didn't taste so bad after all," he admitted.

"I told you!" Ren shouted excitedly. "I KNEW I could convert you to the light," Ren added with a massive grin.

“I’m still not going to eat it though," Hux pointed out.

"But you said you LIKED it!" Ren protested.

 

Hux shook his head. "Still not eating it."

"Fine," Ren huffed. "Then eat me!" He kissed Hux again.

"Ren, the food is going to get cold!" Hux exclaimed. Ren just kept kissing him and started removing his and Hux's clothes. "Ren! Ugh, you are a menace!"


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving dinner has many unwanted (and some wanted) surprises. Ren gets sick and Hux nurses him back to health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Grá mo chroí: my beloved  
> Mo shíorghrá : my eternal love  
> maidin mhaith : good morning  
> Codladh sámh m'aingeal: sleep well my angel

Ren's anticipation for Thanksgiving was growing ever so steadily. The week before, he cut classes to spend the day with Luke.

"Mom keeps trying to convince me to not bring Hux along," Ren told him in frustration as he took a hit from the pipe. He blew the smoke out with his eyes closed. He looked at Luke and asked, "You like him, don't you?"

Luke nodded as he accepted the pipe from Ren. "Most certainly. The few times I've gotten to spend with him, I've very much enjoyed his company." Luke inhaled on the pipe and blew smoke out. He handed it back to Ren. "I do have to admit though, you seem like an odd couple sometimes."

Ren frowned. "What do you mean?"

Luke thought, wanting to say exactly what he meant, but in a way that would be considerate of Ren's feelings. "Hux seems very sensible. You're far more carefree and outgoing than he is."

Ren sighed and then inhaled on the pipe. "He IS a sensible guy," he admitted, handing the pipe back to Luke. "But, he makes me happy."

Luke nodded in understanding. "And that's what really matters the most. If the two of you are happy, what else truly matters?"

"Mom doesn't think that's the most important thing." Ren looked down. "She liked him until she saw him drunk."

"Does he get that way often?" concern coloring Luke's tone.

"Oh, like, never," Ren defended. It was true, Hux drank as casually as any of the rest if his friends, but him getting drunk was a rare occurrence. "I think I drink more than he does," Ren admitted. He accepted the pipe from Luke, after he'd taken a hit.

"Well, I think everything will be fine," Luke said kindly. "Hux is a good man. Your mother and father will see that too eventually."

Ren looked back at him and smiled. 'I wish you wouldn't promise that. I really don't know if I think they will.'

That night, while Ren and Hux were in bed together, Ren tried not to think about it, but it kept weighing on his mind. 'I love him. And he's so damn wonderful! Luke is right, he makes me happy! And that's all that should matter! I still think Dad hates that I'm gay. He won't admit it. Well, he may now that he's said he never wanted me.'

"Grá mo chroí," Hux whispered, as Ren started trailing kisses down his chest, "are you alright?"

"Uh-huh," was all Ren replied with as he continued kissing and licking down Hux's body.

'Why do I have to let my anxiety come through right now? Can't you just focus on this beautiful man beneath you?'

Ren stopped and pushed himself up, looking down at Hux. "Hux?"

'What is going on in your head dude? What's bothering you? You're in bed with the most gorgeous and most amazing man you've ever known! Why can't that be enough for you?'

Hux reached up and lovingly stroked Ren's cheek. "Ren, what's wrong?"

Ren refused to look at him. "Do we make sense?" He looked at Hux when he didn't answer. A look of confusion covered his face. "I mean, like..."

'I don't know how to say it.'

"Like what?" Hux encouraged.

"Do you look at me and think we should be together?"

Hux sat up, pushing Ren from him. "What's going on? What are you saying?"

Ren sat on the side of the bed now. 'What in the Hell is wrong with you?!' Tears stung his eyes.

Hux glared. "What are you trying to say, Ren? What's going on?"

Ren couldn't hold back his tears any more. "I'm sorry, Hux-"

"Sorry for what? Did you do something?"

"What? No, no, I-"

"Then what the Hell are you saying?!" Hux demanded angrily.

"I just," he looked up at him and continued, "you're so much better than me! You're accomplished and smart! You're gorgeous and amazing! I'm just, I don't measure up!"

Hux took his hands with a laugh. "That is NOT where I thought this was going." He wiped Ren's tears. "I honestly thought you were going to say you were cheating on me or something."

"What? I could NEVER do that to you, Hux! You're too perfect!"

Hux rolled his eyes. "I'm really not-"

"But you ARE!" Ren argued.

Hux shook his head. "No, I'm not." He smiled at Ren and placed his hands on his face. "YOU are far more wonderful than you even realize."

Ren sniffled. "I just don't know if we make sense."

"Who cares if we make sense?! YOU don't make sense to me!" Ren looked up at him in fear.

'Is he gonna break up with me? What does he mean I don't make sense?'

"Ren, I don't understand you. I don't understand WHY I love you like I do. You're spontaneous and emotional and far kinder and loving than I could ever hope to be! You're everything I'm not. How I love you, doesn't make sense at all! I've never been with anyone like you before! I've never WANTED to be. But that first day I saw you, I knew there was something about you. I CRAVED you, like you have NO idea!" He grabbed Ren's chin and made him look at him. "Ren, Mo shíorghrá, you are PERFECT to me! I wouldn't have you any other way. Do you understand?"

Ren nodded. 'He's far more than I deserve. God, I love him SO much!'

"What brought this on?" Hux asked as he let go of his chin and grabbed his hands again.

Ren shrugged. He wanted to cross his arms, but couldn't with Hux's hands holding his. "I don't know. I saw Luke earlier today and he said we seem like an odd couple. It's been running through my head ever since."

Hux gave a short chortle with a smile. "Like Luke has room to talk. He's kind of an odd one himself."

"But he's right!" Ren quickly said. "I mean, you're so wonderful and-"

"You're not? Please Ren, you're far more amazing than you give yourself credit for."

Ren shook his head. "No, I'm stupid and arrogant-"

"THIS is arrogant? I'd hate to see what self-loathing looks like."

Ren sighed. "You know what I mean."

"No, Ren, I really don't. I look at you and all I can think about is how FANTASTIC you are! You're talented and smart. And practically perfect in every way."

Ren laughed. "Did you just quote Mary Poppins to tell me what you think of me?"

Hux smiled. "Perhaps."

Ren looked at him with the biggest grin ever. "What did I do to deserve you?"

****

Ren was more nervous Thanksgiving Day than he knew he should be. 'It's just dinner with my family. And Luke will be there and I'm pretty sure Rey and her boyfriends are too. It's not a big deal!' Ren tried to convince himself of this, but he was still so nervous. He went into the kitchen and got a beer from the fridge. Hux was at the oven pulling a couple pumpkin pies out.

"Isn't it a little early for you to be drinking?"

"Not if I want to survive my family," Ren answered as he took a large gulp.

"Speaking of which," Hux turned to him and took the beer away.

"Hey!" Ren protested.

"I do NOT want to show up to your parents' place with alcohol on your breath. Your parents already hate me enough." He took a drink from the beer himself.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Ren argued. "YOU can drink, but I can't?"

"Yes, it's legal for me and your parents already hate me."

"They hate ME too!"

Hux shook his head as he took another drink. "No, they don't." He quickly finished the beer and threw the can in the trash. "We should get going."

Ren stood behind him and wrapped his arms around him. "We don't have to go right now!" Ren encouraged. "We don't have to go at all." He kissed Hux's neck, causing Hux to close his eyes and moan.

"Ren," was all he said. Ren smiled to himself. He wasn't sure if Hux was calling his name in protest or pleasure. He hoped it was the latter, so he grabbed at the strings of his apron and started to untie them.

Hux turned around and kissed him, shoving him against the counter. "I don't want to be late, so, we have to be quick," Hux told him through heated kisses.

Ren smiled. "I think I can do that." He grabbed Hux by the ass and picked him.

Hux kept kissing him. "Table."

"What?"

"Room's too far away," he explained. "Table. Now!"

"Yes sir!"

****

Ren could feel his heart beating rapidly as they stood on the front step of his parents' house. Hux grabbed his hand and smiled. "Everything is going to be fine." He leaned over and kissed him, just as the door opened. He pulled away and they saw Jaina there.

Hux smiled sheepishly. "Jaina! How are you?"

She smiled. "Good." She opened the door wider. "How are you?"

"Exceptional," Hux answered as he and Ren stepped inside. "Aren't we?"

"Yeah, great," Ren added as he stepped in and closed the door.

"We're all in the family room," Jaina said. "I can take those to the kitchen for you?" Jaina offered, indicating the pies in Hux's hands.

He handed them to her. "Thank you, princess"

She smiled and blushed. "You're welcome," she replied as she turned and made her way toward the kitchen.

Hux grabbed Ren's hand again and whispered, "You alright?"

Ren nodded. "I'm okay, babe." He kissed him and then pulled him by the hand toward the family room. They stopped as they entered the kitchen. Leia was standing at the stove with Finn and Luke, fussing over a couple of pots.

"Hey all!" Ren said as they walked in.

"Ren!" Luke exclaimed. He went to him and gave him a large bear hug. "How you doing, kiddo?" Before he could answer, he turned to Hux and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Ren tried to hold back his laugh. It looked like Luke was squeezing the air right out of him. "And how are you, Hux?"

"Well, and yourself?" Hux gingerly returned the embrace, but it was still clear he was NOT comfortable with the physical contact.

"Good, good," Luke replied as he pulled away. "You boys should head into the family room," Luke suggested as he put an arm around Hux's shoulders and ushered them in that direction. "We've got some last minute things to take care of, but dinner should be ready soon." Luke then went back to helping Leia and Finn at the stove.

"You're not gonna let my son come and say hello to his mother?" Leia said to Luke.

Ren smiled and made his way to her. It was a tight squeeze having four people in the kitchen, but Ren gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, Mommy. How are you?"

"Good," she replied with a smile. "Now, get out of here, there's no room in this kitchen for you," she teased as she turned him around and gently pushed him away.

Ren laughed. "Glad to know I'm SO wanted," he teased back. He went to Hux and grabbed his hand, leading him to the family room.

The large room was full of people. Rey was sitting at the low coffee table playing some kind of slap card game with Jacen. Jaina was sitting on the couch next to Poe who was showing her something on his phone and Han was standing near by drinking a beer with-

"Uncle Lando!" Ren shouted when he saw him.

"Haha!" Lando called as he made his way to Ren and threw his arms around him. "How are you, sport?!"

"Great!" Ren pulled away. "I had no idea you were coming! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Well, maybe if you called every once in a while," Lando teased. "Like, maybe to let me know about your boyfriend."

Ren laughed sheepishly. "Right, uh, Uncle Lando, this is Hux, my boyfriend. Hux, Lando, my dad's best friend in the entire galaxy."

"A pleasure to meet you, sir," Hux said as he extended his hand.

Lando shook his hand firmly. "It's nice to meet you too. Now," he pulled Hux to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "tell me about yourself." He brought him back over to where he and Han had been standing and talking.

Ren saw the frightened expression on Hux's face and laughed to himself. He sat on the arm of the couch next to Poe.

"Hey, you!" Poe said, pushing his knee gently. "How's it going?"

Ren nodded. "Good. How 'bout you?"

"Better now that you're here," Poe answered with a wink. He went back to his phone, showing Jaina a video of his last race.

Ren looked over at Hux, who was still standing there with Lando and Han. He caught Hux's gaze and gave him an encouraging smile, but the expression on Hux's face read fear. Ren stood up and made his way over to him. He wrapped his arm around Hux's waist and pulled him close.

"Ben, I was just telling your man about the time you and I stole your dad's car and took it for a joyride," Lando laughed heartily.

Ren smiled. 'God, Lando is the best! And I love his laugh.'

"I remember that like it was yesterday!" Ren laughed. "I was all of, what fourteen?"

"Twelve, if I recall correctly," Han grumbled as he took a sip from his beer.

"Yes, yes!" Lando interjected. "Those were good times!" He clapped Ren on the shoulder. "Your dad and I had some great times back in the day too. Like that time-"

"Dinner is ready," Leia called as she stepped into the family room.

Everyone made their way to the dinning room, but Ren and Hux held back. "You doing okay?" Ren asked him as he kissed him tenderly on the temple.

"I'm fine. You?"

"I'll get through this," Ren replied. "As long as I have you." They followed everyone else into the dinning room.

Indistinctive chatter filled the room as Ren and Hux took their seats. "Would you say Grace?" Leia asked Han, once everyone was seated. He nodded and everyone took the hands of their neighbor into their own. Ren noticed that Jaina was sitting on Hux's other side and she very willingly and happily took his hand into hers.

'My little sister has a crush on my boyfriend. That is just too funny for words and kind of weird too.'

Everyone reverently bowed their heads and closed their eyes. Ren kept his head down out of respect, but he refused to close his eyes. He glanced over at Hux, trying to gauge how comfortable he was. Hux had done the same as him, head was bowed, but that was it.

Hux glanced over to Ren, having felt his eyes on him. As soon as their eyes met, Ren made a funny face. This made Hux smile and he tried not to laugh. He made a face back. They continued doing this back and forth as Han continued his prayer until he finally closed.

"Amen," Hux and Ren joined in instinctively, fear of being caught in their irreverence.

"Where were you last, Uncle Lando?" Jacen asked excitedly. He enjoyed his tales of travel as much as Ren did.

"I was in France," he answered as everyone dug into the food. "We've been discussing starting a smaller company over there. Get our presence set in Europe before we really try to expand."

Han chuckled. "I never would have dreamed you'd have become a respectable businessman."

Lando laughed. "You're one to talk. I never saw you as a family man."

"Did you get to do anything fun while you were over there, Uncle Lando?" Jaina asked excitedly. "See the Eiffle Tower or go to the the Louvre?"

Lando shook his head. "Just business I'm afraid. I'll have to take you sometime though. You would LOVE the Louvre."

"I don't know if I trust leaving my eleven-year old daughter with you in a foreign country," Han half-joked.

Lando laughed again. "I'll wait until she's a bit older, but by then she'll have to fight off every man in sight. She's gonna grow up to be as beautiful as her mother."

"I think she's already as beautiful as her mother," Hux commented as he looked over at Jaina and smiled.

Her face turned red as she whispered, "Thank you."

Jacen rolled his eyes. "What does HE know sis, he's into dudes. AND he thinks Ben is attractive on top of that."

'This fucking kid! I'd like to punch him in the face sometimes.'

Hux grabbed his hand and looked at him. Ren hadn't even realized he was digging his fingers into Hux's knee. "Yes, I do," Hux said as he brought Ren's hand to his lips and kissed it gently.

Ren looked at him with a smile. 'Hux HATES PDA, that is fucking HUGE for him!'

Rey hit Poe's shoulder. "THAT'S what I'm talking about. That's the kind of shit you used to do, but don't any more."

"You want me to kiss your hand? I can kiss your hand!" He grabbed Rey's hand and started dramatically kissing it all over. She laughed, pulling her hand away, and jokingly hit him again.

Finn grinned and took her other hand, kissing it gently. "You don't have to remind me to do things like that."

Ren chuckled. 'It's always funny to see Poe and Finn trying to one up each other.'

Lando laughed. "Ben, you remember when you were kids and you used to play at being in love."

Ren cleared his throat. "Yeah, I remember."

'Please don't tell this story! Please!'

"It was the funniest thing. They must have been about seven or eight and Han and I had come home from a fishing trip. You remember that Han?"

"Oh, I remember," Han replied as he drank his beer.

"And we come into the living room and there they are, sitting on the couch, pretending to be a married couple. Rey would tell Ben to do something and then he'd do it and come back and give her a kiss." He laughed again. "It was the cutest thing. Rey saying 'hey, get me a glass of water.' And Ben going 'Yes, dear' and going off to fetch it for her. He'd bring it back and gave her a kiss. On the lips no less! When we asked them what they were doing, do you remember what you said, Ben."

"Yeah, I remember."

'This is so fucking embarrassing. Even if Hux WASN'T here.'

"He tells us, 'I'm just practicing to be her husband'!"

Rey laughed. "No, I said I was practicing to be his wife."

Lando laughed in return. "That's right, you did!"

Leia smiled. "Well, we always hoped the two of them would get together."

"Too bad I'm gay," Ren said aloud, annoyed.

"Well, you weren't then," Leia replied.

"Because you don't exactly have sexual urges at seven years old, Mom," Ren said in return, more snide than he'd intended.

"Were you always gay?" Jacen asked as he looked at Hux. "Or were you like Ben who didn't know until he couldn't get it up trying to screw a girl?"

"Jacen!" Leia reprimanded. "We do NOT talk like that."

"That's what happened isn't it?"

Ren's fists started to tighten, but he felt Hux's hand on his knee. He looked over at him and Hux gave him a tender look. Ren took a deep breath, trying to calm himself.

Hux then looked at Jacen and replied with, "I was attracted to the same sex since I can remember. What about yourself? Have you realized YOUR orientation yet?"

Jacen choked on his turkey. This made Ren laugh. 'Way to turn it on him!'

"Being straight is normal, you freak," Jacen finally recovered.

 

"Jacen Harris Solo!" Leia yelled at him again.

"He's not wrong," Han added behind a sip of his beer. Leia gave a stern look to Han.

"Normalcy is actually a social construct," Luke added to the conversation. "What is normal for the fish is strange to the bird."

Poe laughed. "Unless it's a flying fish."

"Or a penguin," Finn offered. "I mean, it's a flightless bird."

Poe laughed harder. "Could you imagine penguins flying? That would be a sight to see!"

The conversation went on like this for the rest of the meal. Poe talking about racing, getting Han and Lando involved with stories from their racing days. Rey and Luke discussing the energies of the world. Jaina hanging on to every word Hux said. Ren sat quietly while he ate.

'I'm ready to just get out of here. Really! Can we go now?'

Dinner was finished and cleaned up, but before Ren could get them out of there, Lando pulled Hux aside for another conversation. Ren could tell this was supposed to be a private chat, so he decided to find a quiet moment to himself. He went to his old room. Han and Leia hadn't changed anything. It was all still familiar. He laid down on his bed and looked up at the ceiling.

'I hope Lando isn't telling Hux other embarrassing stories.' He heard someone walk in. He looked up and saw Rey.

He smiled at her and said, "Hey, Sunshine."

She smiled in return and then laid down on the bed next to Ren. She stared at the ceiling too. She reached over and grabbed his hand. 'I miss this. I miss HER. Have we drifted apart? When did that happen? Was it before or after Hux?'

"Are you alright?" Rey finally asked.

Ren nodded. "Yeah." He sighed. "I just realized how much I miss you. Miss THIS."

Rey turned to him and curled into his side. "I've missed you too."

"Sometimes I think things would have been so much easier if we HAD gotten together. At least Mom and Dad would be happy."

"But you wouldn't have been," Rey pointed out. "I would be miserable if you were unhappy, Ren."

Ren smiled. "I couldn't ask for a better best friend than you." He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes.

A few minutes later, they heard someone at the door clear their throat. Ren and Rey both looked up to see Hux standing there.

Ren smiled. "Hey, babe-"

"I'm ready to leave, if you are," Hux quickly said. He then turned on his heel and left.

"He seems pissed," Rey observed.

"Yeah," Ren replied. He gave Rey another kiss on the head and then said, "I'll see you later." He got up and left the room.

Hux was standing in the living room waiting. "You should probably say goodbye to everyone before you leave," he suggested. "I'll wait in the car." He turned to leave, but Ren grabbed his arm.

"What is with you?"

Hux pulled his arm away angrily. "Do NOT touch me like that ever again, Ren! Do you understand me?"

'Why is he so pissed?'

"What's wrong?" Ren begged to know.

"We can discuss it when we return home," Hux answered. "Now, if you wish me to accompany you in your farewells I will, if not, I would like to wait outside."

Ren huffed. "Fine. I'll meet you out there." He turned and headed to the family room. Once he'd said goodbye to everyone, he made his way outside to the car. The drive home was completely silent.

Hux threw the front door open as they went inside. Ren trailed behind him. "Want to tell me now what crawled up your ass and died?!" He closed the door behind him.

Hux turned and looked at him, a scowl on his face. "Fuck you, Ren! Care to tell me why exactly you and Rey were spooning on your bed?"

"What?! That's not what was going on at all!"

"It sure as Hell looked that way to me!" Hux yelled back. He turned and went to their room. Ren followed quickly.

"You're pissed 'cause I was hanging out with my best friend?"

"No, Ren," Hux answered as he began undressing. "I'm upset that you were CUDDLING with her! Am I not enough for you?"

"You're overreacting."

"Fuck you!" Hux yelled.

"Fuck YOU!" Ren yelled right back. "I'm sorry you don't like her, but she has been my best friend my ENTIRE fucking life! She knows me better than even YOU do! She's been there through all of my shit! So if I need to hold her or have her hold me for a minute or two, I'm gonna Damn well do it!"

Hux glared. He was in nothing more than his boxer briefs now. "You do whatever the fuck you want, Ren," he replied in an angry whisper.

He then went for the bedroom door. Ren grabbed his arm again. Hux tried to pull away, but Ren wouldn't let go. Hux tried to shove him away with his other hand, but Ren grabbed it as well and pulled Hux down to the bed. He struggled to get out from his grip, but Ren was bigger and stronger and he wouldn't relent. He was on top of Hux, holding him down with his own body weight, with his wrists in his hands.

"Get the FUCK off of me!" Hux demanded.

"Will you just listen?!" Ren begged.

"I. Can't. Breathe!" Hux managed out.

Ren got off of him. Hux laid there with his eyes closed as he took several deep breaths. 'What the Hell is going on? He's acting the same way as he did when he put on his uniform that one night. Oh fuck! Did I do something else that reminded him of a bad experience?'

Hux finally opened his eyes and sat up. "Do not EVER manhandle me like that again. Do you understand me?"

"Hux-" Ren began.

Hux stood up and backhanded him. "I said 'Do you understand me?'!"

'He hit me!' Ren grabbed at his cheek and looked at Hux in surprise and shock.

Hux's face softened and then his expression turned into fear and disbelief. "Oh my God! I am so sorry. Oh, fuck, Ren! I... I didn't mean..." Tears filled his eyes. "Fuck! I am SO fucking sorry!" He dropped to his knees and buried his face into Ren's leg. "Please forgive me, Ren!? Please?! I didn't.... Didn't mean it! I'm so sorry, Ren!"

"Hux, it's okay," Ren assured him. He pulled Hux to his feet and into his arms. Hux continued to sob onto Ren's chest.

"I'm such a fucking mess! I saw you in bed with her and all I could see was DJ! I'm so sorry, Ren! I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay-"

Hux pulled away. "No it's not! I hit you! How could I?! FUCK! Ren, I am SO sorry!"

Ren grabbed his hands. "Hux, I know. I know. And I know you didn't mean to. Alright? Just..." He pulled Hux to him again.

Hux continued to sob, wetting Ren's t-shirt with his tears. Ren just held him until his tears had subsided. He led him to the bed and they sat down. He grabbed Hux's face between his strong hands. "Hux, look at me." Hux did so, staring into Ren's brown eyes with his, that were red rimmed from tears. "I'm not DJ. I love you, with everything I have to offer. And I know I don't have a lot to offer, but everything I am, is yours." He wiped Hux's tears away.

"I'm so sorry, Ren. I swear, it will never happen again. And I will do ANYTHING to make it up to you."

Ren smiled as he took Hux's hands in his. "You don't have to do that-"

"Yes, I do!" He said quickly. "You may be able to forgive me quickly, but I can't forgive myself! I need to make it up to you. I WILL make it up to you. I promise."

Ren kissed his forehead. "Okay, babe."

****

Hux got the chance to make it up to him a week later, when Ren caught the flu.

"I'm not that sick," Ren argued Monday evening. "It's just allergies."

"Allergies? Really? In the middle of winter? You have a damn cold, Ren, I'm going to the store to get you some medicine."

"I'm fine. I just need to get a good night's sleep and I'll be better in the morning."

Hux looked at him with sympathy. "Acushla," he put a hand on Ren's arm. "I don't want you to get any worse. I'll be right back with cold medicine-"

"I don't need anything, Hux, I'm fine."

Hux sighed. "Alright. But you aren't kissing me until you're better."

"But I'm not sick!" Ren argued.

"Well, until you 'allergies' clear up, you're not allowed to kiss me. Deal with it." Hux then disappeared into their bedroom. Ren followed.

"But, dumpling!" He gave him a pouty look.

'My pout ALWAYS works.'

Hux looked over at him and laughed. He went to him, wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close. "You are too adorable for words." He leaned forward and kissed him. He pulled away and said, "If I get sick I am blaming you."

Ren smiled. "I can't get you sick. I'm not."

The next day, Ren knew he was sicker than he'd thought. His throat was sore and his nose was plugged. 'I am NOT gonna let Hux prove me wrong.' He said to himself with determination. 'I am just fine.' He got dressed for school and headed out to the bakery.

Hux was managing the front counter when he arrived. "Hey, Gingerbread," he said weakly. They smiled at each other and then Ren fell into a coughing fit. Hux quickly came around the counter.

"Are you alright?" he asked in worry. He put his hand on his forehead. "You have a fever. I TOLD you, you were sick."

"I am not!" Ren protested and then began coughing again.

"Phas!" Hux yelled. She came out from the back room, her face and hands covered in frosting. "Watch the front for a moment, please." He then dragged Ren back outside. "You need to go home and get some rest," he ordered.

Ren sniffled. "I'm fine." He coughed.

"That's the worst 'fine' I've ever heard. I'll have Phasma watch the store for the rest of the day and I'll come home-"

"You don't have to do that," Ren argued. "I'll be okay."  
Hux took his hands in his. "Agra, I know, but I want to make sure you get better."

"I have to get to class, babe," Ren replied.

"No, you're going home-"

Ren kissed him. 'I swear this is the only way to shut him up sometimes.'

He pulled away, ruffled Hux's hair playfully. "See you at home tonight, Gingerbread." Ren took off before Hux could argue.

'I'm fine. He'll see. It's just a tiny cold.' But as Ren went through his day, he realized he was getting progressively worse. He was sluggish and found it difficult to concentrate. After his last class, he went home instead of going to work.

He laid in bed and called Han. That was his policy. All employees had his personal cell phone number and were meant to call him directly if they weren't gonna make it in. He was feeling so awful, he didn't even have any anxiety about talking to him.

"Ben?"

'Is that concern in his voice?'

"Hey, Dad, I am not feeling well. I can't make it in."

"You SOUND like you're not feeling well," Han replied. "Take it easy, hot shot."

"Yeah I will-" he finished with loud coughing fit.

"Damn, you ARE sick," Han noted. "Get plenty of rest and drink lots of water. You hear me?"

"Yeah, Dad," Ren answered.

"Take care, Ben."

Ren laid there a bit confused. 'He was awfully nice to me. Why?' But he didn't have time to contemplate it, as he dashed for the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. 'Fuck! I haven't puked in like forever. Probably since my first hang over. Shit. I feel awful.' He cleaned himself up and crawled back into bed.

****

Ren woke to Hux tenderly stroking his hair. He opened his eyes and smiled up at him. Hux smiled back and said, "I told you, you were sick."

Ren nodded. "Yeah, I know. I feel terrible."

"I'll make you some soup then, Agra. Any preference?"

Ren shook his head. "I'm not sure I'll be able to keep it down."

Hux felt his forehead. "You're still very warm."

Ren groaned. "I feel like shit."

Hux smiled. "Don't worry." He leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I'll take care of you," he whispered lovingly. He then disappeared toward the kitchen. Not long after, he came back with a large bowl of soup. "Sit up," he ordered. Ren pushed himself up as Hux sat next to him on the edge of the bed. "Alright, open up," he said as he brought a spoonful of soup to Ren's mouth.

"I can do it," Ren argued weakly.

"Don't argue with me," Hux ordered. "Now, open up."  
Ren opened his mouth and accepted the spoonful of soup. 'It's so nice and warm. Feels good on my throat. God, I wish I could taste it. Hux always makes amazing food. I'm sure THIS is no exception.' Ren ate the soup without protest. 'I actually don't mind him taking care of me like this. It's actually kind of romantic and sweet.'

"Hux?"

"Yes," he answered as he brought another spoonful to Ren's mouth. But Ren shook his head.

"I need to-" he quickly moved off of the bed and ran to the bathroom. Everything he just ate, came back up. Hux stood behind him, pulling his long hair away from his face and resting his other hand on his forehead. Once Ren was sure he was done, he sat back against the tub.

Hux cleaned his mouth with a damp washcloth. "Feel better?"

Ren nodded. "I'm sorry, babe."

"You don't need to be sorry," Hux replied. "Let's get you back to bed." He pulled Ren to his feet and led him back to their room. "We should get you into something warm," he added once Ren was sitting on the bed again. Hux dug through Ren's clothes and got a pair of sweats and a long-sleeved shirt for him.

"I'll be okay, babe."

"Don't argue," Hux ordered as he began undressing Ren. "And don't call me babe."

Ren didn't even argue back, he just helped Hux help him out of his clothes and into the ones he'd selected for him. "Thank you," Ren offered as he laid back down, once he was dressed in his fresh clothes.

"You're very welcome," Hux replied as he brushed the hair away from Ren's face. "I should run to the store and pick up a few things for you. Think you'll be alright with out me for a bit?"

"No," Ren answered as he nuzzled his head against Hux's hand. "Please stay."

'I sound so pathetic. But I feel just awful.'

"Of course, I'll stay, Asthore," Hux replied. "Close your eyes and sleep."

Ren feel asleep nearly on command.

****

When Ren woke, his mom was sitting there on the edge of the bed.

"Oh, God, am I gonna die?" Ren asked in fear.

Leia chuckled. "No, Hux asked me to stay with you while he went to the store for a few things." Ren dropped his head back against his pillow again. "He apparently didn't think you should be alone."

"I asked him to stay with me," Ren told her. "I didn't want to be by myself. God, I am so sick."

Leia smiled down at him and continued combing his hair with her fingers. "Well, I'll stay for as long as you need, sweetie. Or you can come home so I can take care of you."

Ren tried to laugh, but it turned into a cough. "I'll be okay, Mom."

"I know, I'd just like you to be home, so I can take care of you."

"Hux will take care of him, Mom," Jaina defended as she walked in. She walked over and put a cool washcloth on Ren's forehead. "There, you were really, really warm."

"Thanks," Ren replied.

'I don't think I've ever had Jaina be so... So... I'm too sick to even think of the right word, but I've never had her be that before.'

"I feel like shit."

"I'll find you another blanket," Jaina offered. "We should really try to keep you warm, to try and break your fever." She took the washcloth from Ren's forehead and wiped down the rest of his face. The cool cloth felt good against his skin, but she quickly whisked it away as she left the room.

"Since when did Jaina become such a nursemaid?" Ren asked.

"She's got a knack for it. I think she wants to go into the medical field when she's older." She kept playing with Ren's hair. "She's quite fond of you, ya know?"

Ren scoffed. "Yeah, I can tell."

"Hux is back!" Jaina announced, leading Hux in by the hand.

'I swear she holds his hand more often than I do?!'

"How you feeling, Agra?" Hux asked as he came around to the other side of the bed and sat next to him.

"Like I'm gonna die," Ren answered. He looked back at Leia and said, "Thanks for coming over, Mom."

"I can stay as long as you'd like, sweetie."

"I think Hux has it from here," Ren replied.

"We should go, Mom," Jaina encouraged.

"Alright," Leia sighed defeatedly. "But you'll let me know if you need anything, right?"

Ren nodded. "I will."

Leia leaned down and kissed Ren's forehead. "Get better, sweetie." She stood up.

Jaina smiled. "Hope you feel better soon, Ren."

"Thanks."

Hux stood up. "Thank you for staying with him. He didn't want to be alone."

Leia gave a tight smile. "Wasn't a problem. I wanted to make sure my son was being taken care of."

Hux ignored her snide jab at him and said to Jaina, "Thank you for your help too, Princess."

She smiled as she blushed. "You're welcome." She then went to him and gave him a hug. "Have a good night."

Leia said goodbye to Ren, then she and Jaina left. "Jaina has such a crush on you, it's not even funny." Ren said once they'd left.

"She does not," Hux replied as he sat back down on the bed.

'He's blushing!'

"She does too." Ren coughed, but then smiled. "And you like it."

"Well, if it were true it would be flattering. Everyone enjoys knowing they're desired," Hux huffed in indignation.

Ren laughed but it immediately turned into a coughing fit. Hux reached over and put his hand on Ren's arm, he didn't know what else to do. Ren finally leaned back against the pillow trying to catch his breath. "I have GOT to get better, Hux. I have finals coming up-"

"Email your professors, I'm sure they'll understand."  
Ren shook his head. "You can't exactly reschedule finals, babe." Ren sighed. "I'll email them tomorrow and see what my options are." Ren closed his eyes. "I'm so tired."

Hux put a hand on Ren's hair. "Then sleep, Asthore. I'll be here when you wake." He leaned down and kissed his forehead. "I promise." Ren quickly fell to sleep.

****

Ren blinked away. He was still exhausted and he ached all over. He sat up and put his hands on his head, it ached massively. He turned and put his feet on the ground. He sat there for a moment, trying to regain his balance. Hux walked in, with a mug in his hand. "Oh, you're awake. How'd you sleep?"

Ren rubbed his eyes. "Okay, I guess." He took a deep breath and looked at Hux. "What time is it?"

"4:30," Hux answered as he sat on his side of the bed sipping from his mug.

Ren looked at him in confusion. "What?" He looked out the window. "There's too much light for it to be 4:30 in the morning."

Hux laughed. "I didn't say 4:30 in the morning," Hux noted. "It's 4:30 in the afternoon. You slept all night last night and all day today."

"What? But I had class-"

"I emailed your professors and told them you had the flu, which I'm not sure you don't," Hux added.  
Ren shook his head. "How did you email them? You don't know any of my passwords-"

"I happen to know my way around a computer," Hux explained. "And it would be much harder to hack your accounts if you didn't have the same password for everything."

"Everyone has the same password for everything!" Ren argued back. He then started coughing.

"You sound like you're going to cough up a lung." Hux set his mug on the nightstand and then crawled over to Ren. He sat behind him and wrapped his arms around him. "I hate seeing you like this, Agra." He put a hand on his forehead. "I wish I could make you feel better?"

Once Ren's cough died down he titled his head back to look at Hux with a smirk. "I could think of something that would make me feel better."

"You're sick," Hux said as he pushed himself away.

"I know," Ren agreed. "But it would make me feel better."

"No," Hux said as he got off the bed, "I mean, you're sick if you think I'm doing anything of the kind WHILE you're sick."

Ren spent the rest of the evening in bed. Hux brought him more soup for dinner and fed him. Ren still felt like shit, even after sleeping over twelve hours. As they laid down that night, Ren shivered.

"You alright, Ren?" Hux asked as he wrapped an arm around him.

"I feel so cold," Ren answered.

Hux felt his forehead. "You have a fever. I'll get you a few more blankets." Hux climbed out of bed to retrieve a few extra blankets. He covered Ren in two more and tucked them in around him. "You should feel warmer soon, my love." He climbed back into bed and wrapped his arms around him.

"I feel like I'm gonna die," Ren mumbled into his pillow.

Hux chuckled. "You're not going to die, Acushla."

Ren closed his eyes, breathing in the feel of Hux behind him. "I'm so tired."

"Then sleep, I'm right here."

Ren concentrated on his breathing even though his nose was clogged and made it difficult to breathe. Hux began humming in his ear. It was a soft, soothing melody. Ren didn't recognize it, but it was still lovely. Hux then started singing! Ren couldn't understand the words though, they were in Gaelic, but it was still beautiful. Ren fell asleep.

****

Over the next few days, Hux did all he could to take care of Ren. He fed him more soup than he'd had in his entire life, made him drink so much water and orange juice that he had to pee almost every hour, and kept him wrapped up in as many blankets as he could find. By the fifth night, Ren realized that Hux was singing to him each night as they tried to fall asleep.

'I could listen to him every night for the rest of my life. He's so perfect! I love him so much.' Ren thought this as he fell asleep, listening to Hux's song.

 

Sunday morning, Ren climbed out of bed, feeling much better than he had all week. He was still exhausted and his body still ached all over, but he had more energy and was able to breathe through his nose somewhat. After using the bathroom, he went to the kitchen to find Hux there. "Hey," he offered weakly.

Hux stood by the stove, stirring a pot. He turned to Ren and smiled. "Maidin mhaith, Acushla! How are you feeling?"

Ren nodded as he made his way over to Hux. "Better. Still awful, but better." He stood behind Hux and wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on his back.

"Well, you do sound a lot better." Hux turned around and felt Ren's forehead. "And your fever seems to have broken. That's good."

Ren nodded. "I'm still exhausted."

"Trying to get your body to heal itself is exhausting," Hux agreed. "You hungry? I made oatmeal."

"Think I'm hungry for something a little more solid, to be honest," Ren answered.

"That's good! If you're getting your appetite back, it means you're getting better." Hux went to the fridge. "How about some eggs then?"

"What's that song you've been singing?" Ren asked.

Hux paused, but gathered himself once again. "Whatever do you mean?" he asked as he busied himself making eggs.

"You know, the song you've been singing, like, EVERY night."

Hux shook his head. "I don't sing Ren, you must be mistaken."

'Did I imagine it?'

"Whether you DO or DON'T you DID," Ren pointed out.

"Ren," Hux said tenderly as he turned to him. He reached up and ran his fingers through Ren's hair. "You've had a fever. You were probably hallucinating."

"I wasn't! I swear, you were singing!"

Hux shook his head. "No, Agra, you're mistaken." He turned back to the stove.

Ren wrapped his arms around Hux again. "No, I'm not," he whispered in his ear. He began humming what he could remember of the tune. This gave Hux pause again. "See, I'm not crazy. What song is it? It's beautiful, especially when YOU sing it."

Hux sighed. "It's an old Gaelic song, it's called ‘ar éirinn ní neosfainn cé hí’."

"It's beautiful," Ren said again. He nuzzled Hux's neck. "Just like you." He kissed his neck. "What's it mean?"

"It means you're no longer as sick as you were," Hux answered as he gently pushed Ren away.

"But, snuggly bear," Ren forced out a cough. "I still need you to take care of me."

"Clearly."

"Will you sing for me again?" Ren begged in his most pathetic voice.

"No," Hux answered curtly.

"Ah, please!"

"Let me finish your eggs and I'll think about it," Hux replied.

Ren coughed again, this time for real. "Thanks, babe." He kissed his neck again.

"Stop calling me babe," Hux said as Ren disappeared into the living room. He curled up on the couch and closed his eyes.

'I'll just lay here for a minute.' But before Ren knew it, he was asleep.

****

"Ren," Hux said as shook him. Ren blinked up at him. Hux smiled down at him sweetly. "You fell asleep."

"No, I didn't." Ren sat up. He groaned and grabbed at his head. "Maybe I did. Ugh! My head hurts."

"You still hungry?" Hux asked as he sat down with a plate of scrambled eggs.

Ren shook his head. "Not really."

"Will you please try to eat?" Hux asked.

Ren sighed. "Yeah, okay, I'll eat." Hux began feeding Ren forkfuls of eggs.

'It's weird being on THIS end of this,' Ren thought. He was so used to being the one feeding Hux.

"I think I'm good," Ren finally said after he'd managed to get down half the eggs. Hux set the plate on the coffee table.

"You do seem like you're feeling better," Hux mentioned as he started running his fingers through Ren's hair.

Ren pouted. "I feel awful still," he whined, but it wasn't convincing.

Hux looked at him doubtfully. He placed his hand on Ren's forehead. "Well, you certainly don't have a fever any more."

"Are you sure? I still feel terrible!" Ren nuzzled into Hux's neck.

"Oh, my poor, darling!" Hux exclaimed. "I wish you WERE better. If you were, I'd take care of you in OTHER ways."

"What do you mean?" Ren asked as he kissed Hux's neck.

'I know exactly what he means. I just want to hear him say it.'

"Oh, you know what I mean, Agra." Hux started to move his hands down Ren's neck, gently trailing his fingers. As he touched his shoulder blades he whispered, "If you were feeling better, I'd take you between my lips, gently lick every inch of you."

Ren closed his eyes, drinking in the pleasure that wafted over him just from hearing Hux describe it to him. Even through the fabric of his clothes, he could feel the gentle press of Hux's fingertips. "Go on," Ren encouraged.

"Oh, Ren, Asthore, you're simply not well enough!" Hux said as he pulled away and stood up.

Ren reached for him, grabbing one of his hands. "I'm feeling MUCH better," Ren insisted.

"Really?" Hux asked skeptically. "Oh, I would LOVE to go down on you, Ren, but, alas, I can’t, since you were too ill to even feed yourself five minutes ago."

"I could have fed myself!" Ren argued. "But I wanted to let you feel useful." He smiled wryly. "I could let you feel more useful if you'd come back down here."

Hux smiled and shook his head. "Sorry, not until you've made a FULL recovery."

Ren let go of his hand and sat back on the couch. "Fine," he pouted.

'It's been over a week! I'm feeling better.'

"Ren," Hux said as he sat back down. He wrapped his arms around him. "I promise I will take care of you completely when you're a hundred percent again." He kissed his cheek. "I promise."

"Will you sing for me again?" Ren asked, nearly begging as he looked back over at Hux. He looked at him hopefully.

Hux smiled. "I will tonight. To help you sleep."

That night, Hux held Ren, his back pressed against his own chest. "Would you like to hear it in English?"

Ren looked at him excitedly. "Yeah, sure, I'd love that!"

Hux smiled. "Then close your eyes."

Ren turned away again and closed his eyes, waiting to hearing Hux's beautiful voice.

"The song is called 'For Ireland, I’d Not Tell Her Name'," Hux told him before he began to sing.

"There’s a home by the wide Avonmore

"That would sweep o’er the broad open sea

"And wide rivers where the waves wash ashore

"Whilst bulrushes they wave to the breeze

"Where the green ivy clings round the door

"And the birds sweetly sing on each tree

"O me darling they’re tuning they’re notes

"Is ar Éirinn ní neosfainn cé hi

"Like a sick man that longs for the dawn

"I do long for the light of her smile

"And I pray for my own cailin ban

"While I’m waiting for her by the stile

"Oh I’d climb all the hills of this land

"And I’d swim all the depths of the sea

"To get one kiss from her lily-white hand

"Is ar Éirinn ní neosfainn cé hí

"I have toiled sore those years of my life

"Through storm, through sunshine and rain

"And I surely would venture my life

"For to shield her one moment from pain

"For she being my comfort in life

"Though my comfort and joy she may be

"She’s my own, she is my promised wife

"Is ar Éirinn ní neosfainn cé hí

"O but when I will call her my own

"And it’s married we both then will be

"Like the king and the queen on their throne

"We’ll be living in sweet unity

"O it’s then I’ll have a home of my own

"And I’ll rear up a nice family

"O it’s then that her name will be known

"But for Ireland I won’t tell her name."

Ren laid there quietly. "That's beautiful," Ren whispered, close to falling asleep.

Hux trailed his fingers over Ren's skin. "My mum used to sing it to me when I was ill. It helped me sleep." He kissed Ren's head. "Codladh sámh m'aingeal."

"Good night Hux," Ren whispered as he drifted off to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren and Hux prepare for Chrsitmas. Hux recalls past Christmases. They invite everyone over to watch a Christmas movie. Poe helps Hux through a panic attack.

"Where has the year gone?!" Phasma exclaimed as she and Hux worked in the backroom together before the shop opened. "I mean, it's December already!"

"I know," Hux replied. The year really had seemed to go by quickly, especially since Ren had come into his life.

"Which means you and Ren have been together a little over two months now," Phasma pointed out as though she read Hux's mind.

"I suppose it does," was Hux's reply. He wasn't one to keep track of time together.

"You're so unsentimental," Phasma said with a roll of her eyes.

"You're one to talk," Hux teased back. "As I recall, Rose is the one who knows exactly when you got together."

Phasma shrugged. "We've been together for so long, I don't see a need in counting how long it's been."

Hux shook his head. He knew Phasma better than that. She was just as unsentimental as he was. Relationships were important, but Hux felt it was better to pay attention to the person you were with, rather than focusing on the amount of time you'd been together. It made him laugh as he thought about Ren and how he celebrated anniversaries.

"What's THIS about?" Hux asked Ren as he entered the flat one evening.

Ren smiled like an idiot. He was obviously quite pleased with himself and the trail of rose petals that led from the front door to their bedroom. "It's our anniversary!" Ren announced excitedly.

"Whatever are you talking about?" Hux asked as he closed the door. He tried to calculate in his head, but it wasn't near the mark for even a one month anniversary.

"I wanted to celebrate one month!" Ren said excitedly.

Hux shook his head. "We've been together more than a month though." Hux set his wallet and keys on the coffee table.

Ren giggled. "No, one month since the first time you killed a spider in the apartment."

"I've killed lots of spiders in the apartment before," Hux corrected as he made his way over to Ren.

Ren crossed his arms and looked down sheepishly. "Well, the first one since I moved in."

Hux smiled and grabbed Ren's hands, forcing his arms open. He kissed Ren deeply and when he pulled away he rested his forehead against Ren's and whispered, "It's lovely of you to remember such a thing."

Ren smiled again and cast his eyes downward. "I try. I just think you're special Hux." He brought his gaze up and continued, "So, you deserve to be treated special."

Hux put his hands on Ren's hips. He licked his lips and said, "You're very sweet, Ren." He kissed him again, pulling him as close to himself as possible. He pulled away and said. "I'm not cleaning that up by the way."

Ren chuckled with a smile. "Don't worry, I'll do it." He leaned into Hux and added, "Just kiss me." He pressed his lips to Hux's and wrapped his arms around him.

Hux couldn't help but think about how good Ren was at this now. He wasn't overly excited, but still showed passion. He would explore Hux's mouth with his tongue, but would back off enough to invite Hux into his own. Hux thought Ren was truly beautiful, in every meaning of the word.

Ren was the one to pull away this time. "Come on," he urged as he grabbed Hux's hand and led him to their bedroom. When they walked in, Hux rolled his eyes. There were rose petals on the bed too and fake candles glowing in the darkness.

"You really go all out when it comes to celebrating the death of a spider," Hux teased.

Ren wrapped his arms around him from behind. "Nah, just celebrating how manly you are and protective you are of me."

Hux turned around in Ren's arms and caressed his face. "You DID scream like a little girl."

"I did not!" Ren argued.

Hux laughed and kissed him. "Oh, Asthore, I'm only teasing." He kissed him again. "You're cleaning those off before we get in bed."

"What?! But it's supposed to be romantic-"

"It's unsanitary!" Hux complained.

Ren shook his head with a smile. "I figured you might feel that way. I washed them before I put them on the bed."

Hux looked at him skeptically. "Really?"

"Yeah, really. I'm not always just brawn and no brain."

Hux smiled and kissed Ren again. Ren then gently pushed Hux toward the bed. Hux sat on the edge and Ren straddled his lap. Ren wrapped his hands in Hux's hair while Hux put his hands on Ren's lower back. He grabbed at the hem of Ren's shirt and under tank and pulled them up over his head. As soon as it was off of him, Ren dipped down and kissed Hux again. He then made his way to his neck. Hux closed his eyes and groaned as he tilted his head back.

"Oh, God, Ren, don't stop! Please!" he begged through heavy breaths.

Ren started to unbutton Hux's shirt, exposing his chest. He then kissed down his neck and down to his chest. He started sucking on one of his nipples. Hux arched his back, giving himself over to the pleasure. He put his hands in Ren's hair and pushed him down. Ren knew what Hux was saying without words. He started to undo Hux's belt and trousers. Hux lifted his ass to help Ren pull his trousers down along with his boxer briefs.

He ran his fingers through Ren's hair as he took Hux into his mouth. He was so eager to please, he didn't even ease into it. Though Ren had never done this with anyone else before, it certainly didn't feel that way to Hux. He actually thought that Ren gave him the best blow jobs he'd ever had. He tugged on Ren's hair unintentionally as he came. He dropped his head back panting.

Ren crawled up next to him, tracing his fingers along Hux's bare chest. Hux turned to him and said, "Let me finish you."

Ren shook his head. "I'm okay." But Hux ignored him and pushed him down. He then quickly made his way down to Ren's crotch and removed the rest of his clothes. Hux was a bit more theatrical than Ren was. He started with licking just the tip as he massaged his balls. He licked from the very root all the way up to the tip.

"Oh, God, Hux!" Ren breathed out as he grabbed fistfuls of the sheets beneath him. Hux gently sucked on the tip and then took him in a little at a time until he'd swallowed him down entirely. Ren moaned in pleasure and quickly came. Hux swallowed every bit of cum. "Oh, God! Oh, Hux! Oh, God!"

Hux climbed up next to him now. He looked over at Ren and frowned. "Are you alright?" Hux asked in concern as he wiped tears from Ren's cheek.

Ren nodded. "God, yeah. Fuck! That was... Amazing!"

Hux smiled. "I think YOU'RE amazing, Ren. God, you make me so happy!"

Hux still felt happy with Ren. He was the happiest he'd been in quite some time. He smiled when he saw Ren come in at his usual time. "Phasma!" Hux called. He asked her to take care of the front while he dragged Ren into the back with him.

"How are you feeling?" Hux asked as he pulled Ren into his arms and kissed him.

"Great," Ren replied. "Better now, of course."

Hux smiled. He kissed Ren again before he got his sack and coffee. "We're out of chocolate chip muffins, I'm afraid."

Ren shrugged. "That's okay. What's in the bag then?"

"An acceptable substitute," Hux answered with a sly smile.

Ren looked into the sack when he accepted it. He laughed. "Gingerbread?! You're too much?" He gave Hux one last kiss before he headed out for school.

Hux frowned after Ren was gone. He liked having Ren around. Selfishly, he wished there was a way he could be around all the time. Hux sighed at this thought and went back to work.

"You and Ren doing anything for Christmas?" Phasma asked as they closed up later that day.

Hux shrugged. "We haven't actually discussed it."

"Well, you know you're always welcome to join me and Rose."

"I know," Hux replied as he cleaned the last baking sheet. "I just don't want to impose. I know it's a special holiday for the both of you. You going out to see your parents this year? Or visiting Rose's family?"

Phasma smiled. "Actually, Daddy and Mum are coming out here to visit."

"Really?! Well, make sure to give the Major my regards."

"Oh, please," Phasma said with a roll of her eyes. "They'll want to see you too while they're here."

Hux shook his head, drying his hands and hanging his apron up. "No, Phas, they're YOU'RE parents. I wouldn't want to take your time away from them-"

"You know Daddy will insist," Phasma interrupted. "He ADORES you!"

 

"I haven't the foggiest notion why," Hux retorted.  
Phasma laughed. "Hux, Love, you're like a second child to them. They'll WANT to see you!"

Hux shook his head as he shrugged on his coat. "I still think your mum disdains me."

Phasma laughed harder. "Oh, she does. She's NEVER forgiven you for what you did to my hair at Military Ball our sophomore year."

"That was YOU!" Hux shouted in indignation.

Phasma shrugged. "Yes, well, Mum still blames you. She always said you were a bad influence on me, even if your father..." Phasma's smile faded.

 

"Even if my father was Brendol Hux?" Hux finished for her. "It's fine Phas, I know the kind of clout he has or had in military circles."

"I know, I just know you don't like bringing him up-"

"It's not a big deal, Phasma, I promise," Hux assured her. "Whether I get along with him or not, he's still my father and he always will be."

Phasma sighed. She knew it was best to just drop the subject. "Well, whenever you and Ren decide what you're doing, just know you're still more than welcome to join us."

"I'll keep that in mind," Hux said as he gave her a kiss on the cheek goodbye and headed home.

Once Hux was in his flat, he collapsed on the sofa. He was exhausted. The last two months of the year were always busy. It was strange to think about how much could change in just a few years. This time two years ago, Hux was in a very different place.

"Do you have any plans for Christmas?" Phel asked him over dinner one night.

Hux shook his head. "Not really. It's not exactly a holiday I celebrate. You have something in mind?"

Phel shrugged. "I haven't had anyone to celebrate it with in years. I don't have any family left."

"Your parents aren't around?" Hux asked while he cleared their dishes from the table.

"No," Phel shook his head. "Mom and Dad died almost seven years ago."

"You never told me your parents had passed," Hux said in mild shock.

Phel shrugged. "You never talk about YOUR parents, so I thought I shouldn't talk about mine."

Hux felt a stab of guilt in his chest. It was true, even when they were first dating, Hux kept much of his past to himself. He was even less willing to talk about it now that he and Phel were together again. More guilt washed over him. He was using Phel, because he didn't want to be alone after he'd broken it off with DJ.

"I know," Hux finally said as he stood at the sink where he'd rinsed their dishes. "I just have a hard time talking about the past."

"It's okay," Phel assured him as he stood up and went to him. He wrapped his arms around Hux and kissed him lovingly. "I don't care about your past, okay? Your present is all that matters to me. And our future too."

Hux knew he didn't want Phel in his future, but he tried not to think about it as Phel pressed into him, pushing him against the counter. It was amusing to Hux to think back to the first time he'd met Dopheld Mitaka. He was so coy and quiet, giving off an essence of innocence, but that was far from the real Phel. He was experienced and passionate. He'd done things with Phel he'd never tried with other guys before. Phel was, by far, the best lover he'd ever had.

Phel pulled away and grabbed Hux's hand. "Let's go to our room."

Hux nodded. He didn't care for the idea of it being "their" room, but he didn't care too much at the moment. He just wanted to feel Phel's soft lips pressed against his skin.

He followed Phel into the master bedroom. Phel flopped onto the soft California king bed and pulled Hux down with him. He continued to kiss Hux as he ran his hands up and down his back. Phel reached underneath Hux's shirt and dug into the flesh of his back with his nails. Hux groaned, but more out of pain than pleasure.

Hux pulled away from Phel's lips. "That hurts, Phel," he whined. Phel ignored him and kissed him again, this time biting his lower lip.

Hux pushed away. "I'm serious, Phel. I don't like that."

"You used to," he argued back in confusion.

"No, I didn't," Hux replied. "I just went along with it because YOU enjoyed it."

"I'm sorry, babe," Phel said. "I won't do it any more. What do you want me to do?" he asked as he leaned in to kiss Hux again.

"Don't call me babe," Hux instructed.

"Okay," Phel agreed through gentle kisses. "What else?" He kissed Hux's jaw and started to open his shirt. He then started kissing his chest.

Hux started to take in shallow breaths. "Um, I, I want..." Hux wasn't used to being asked what he wanted, what HE liked. This was one of the things he HAD missed about Phel. "I want you to undress me. And then kiss every inch of me. Lick the salt from my flesh. I want to feel you tasting me."

Phel pulled away and smiled slyly. "Whatever you want, Hux."

"Hux, babe," he heard someone say. He opened his eyes and saw Ren standing above him. He smiled. "You fell asleep on the couch."

Hux sat up. "Sorry." He rubbed his eyes. "I'm just exhausted."

"It's okay, babe, you don't need to be sorry for being tired." Ren sat next to him and ran his fingers through Hux's hair. "You don't have to stay up for me."

"I want to spend time with you," Hux argued weakly.

"We can spend time together tomorrow," Ren suggested.

"But you're working tomorrow and I open the next day, so I'll be going to be early-" Ren leaned forward and kissed him. After a little bit, Ren pulled away and whispered. "You want to have sex?"

Hux sighed. "God, I WANT to, Ren, I'm just so tired."

"Then let me take care of you," Ren offered as he grabbed between Hux's legs.

Hux inhaled sharply. "Not tonight, please?" Ren pulled his hand away. "I'm sorry, Acushla. I'll make it up to you."

Ren smiled. "It's okay, babe, no worries. I've got some homework to get done any way." Ren stood up. "You gonna head to bed?"

Hux nodded. "Yeah," he answered as he stood up as well. "I'll see you when you come to bed." He kissed Ren and went to bed. He laid there for some time, his body exhausted, but his mind unable to relax. He was still awake a few hours later when Ren crawled in next to him.

Ren wrapped his arms around him. "You still awake?"

"No," Hux answered.

Ren chuckled. "I didn't think so." He ran his hands through Hux's hair. "You're hair's getting long," he observed.

"You don't like it?"

"No, no!" Ren quickly answered. "I like it a lot. Do YOU like it?"

Hux smiled to himself before he answered, "It's grown on me."

Ren laughed boisterously. "Wow, that was, just, wow." He chuckled. He then stroked Hux's cheek. "I noticed you were letting THIS grow out too."

"Do you not like it?" Hux asked again.

"Oh, no, I love it!" Ren assured him. "I think it makes you look even hotter than you already are." He kissed the back of his neck.

"My, my, such flattery. You trying to seduce me? I already told you I'm too tired."

"Hey, I'm not the one who's been lying here for the past two hours wide awake," Ren commented.

"I don't sleep well, Ren, you know that." Hux sighed. "It's easier with you beside me though."

Ren pulled him closer. "I wish I could help you sleep, babe. I'd give you my being able to fall asleep if I could."

Hux sighed. "I know. And again, don't call me babe."

Ren chuckled. "Sure." As an after thought he asked, "Hey, do you mind if I decorate for Christmas?"

"Knock yourself out. I never have."

Ren pulled away in shock. "You've never decorated for Christmas?!"

Hux was starting to get groggy. "Not as an adult, no. We decorated when I was a child, but after Mum died we stopped celebrating it. My dad was too sensible a man and wouldn't allow such an ostentatious holiday to be celebrated in his home."

"But Christmas is like my second favorite holiday, well, next to my birthday and Halloween, of course."

Hux chuckled. "I didn't realize your birthday was a holiday."

"It is how WE celebrate it." Ren paused and then asked, "When's your birthday?"

"Nex- I don't celebrate my birthday."

"How can you not?!"

"I don't care for my birthday," Hux answered simply.

"What?!" Ren shouted as he sat up. "Your birthday is like the best day ever! It's a day that's all about YOU. Everyone has to treat you nice and thinks the sun shines out your ass! It's like the only day that Jacen and Jaina are even bearable!"

"I don't like my birthday, can't you leave it at that?"

"I don't see how, but whatever." Ren laid back down again. "When IS your birthday though?"

"I'm not telling," Hux mumbled into his pillow.

"What?! Why not?"

"Because you'll just end up making a giant fuss about it and I don't want that," Hux said as he turned to his other side to face Ren.

Ren smiled. "What if I PROMISE not to make a big to-do about it?"

Hux shook his head. "You forget, I know you, Ren. You might have every INTENTION of letting it pass by without celebration, but you won't be able to help yourself. As it draws closer you'll agonize about whether or not that I MEANT I didn't want to celebrate it. And then you'll scramble at the last minute trying to put together something elaborate and extravagant because you think I deserve something special, when in reality the only thing I would want is to be home with you and Millicent while we drink wine. Maybe having Phasma and Rose over as well, but that would be it."

"Okay, we can do that!" Ren said. "So, when is it?"

"The same day it is every year," Hux avoided the question as he rolled to his other side again, away from Ren.

"Come on, Snookums!" Ren whined as he wrapped his arms around him. "Please tell me."

"No," was his only response.

"Fine," Ren pouted as he laid back on his back again. "I'll just ask Phasma."

"She won't tell you either," Hux replied. "She values our friendship too much."

Ren gave a snort. "We'll see about that." He reached over and ruffled Hux's hair. "Night, Gingerbread!"

****

That weekend, Ren insisted they go out shopping for Christmas decorations. "Christmas is in like two weeks!" Ren reminded him for what felt like the millionth time.

"I'm well aware when Christmas is, Ren," Hux replied, as he slowly put on his coat and other winter attire. "Just like I was when you said it five minutes ago."

"I'm just so excited!" Ren replied. "I'm going to make sure you get the ENTIRE Christmas experience. The whole nine yards!"

Hux sighed. "Ren, you really don't-"

"We should even cut down our own tree!" Ren's exuberance couldn't be contained. "I know this great place-"

"We are NOT going to cut down our own tree!" Hux argued back.

Ren looked crestfallen. "Why not?"

"For a number of reasons." Hux counted on his fingers as he made his list. "One, I am not going to go traipsing around in the cold woods for a tree when I can buy a perfectly acceptable one at the lot. Two, I really don't think I want to be anywhere near you when you have a saw or an ax, which are tools required for cutting down a tree. And three-"

"But I'll wear a flannel shirt and look all outdoorsy and woodsy and adorable!" Ren argued.

Hux smiled. "You're already adorable, Ren."

"But-"

Hux wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer. He kissed him and then whispered, in a seductive tone, "You could always wear that for me another time, if you'd like."

Ren giggled with a smile. "Oh, I will, if you want me to.” He kissed Hux back.

"Of course, I do!" Hux insisted with a smile. "I need a big strong man to protect me and take care of me.” Hux batted his eyes playfully.

"Well, if you insist," Ren replied as he scooped Hux into his arms and carried him to their room.

Hux wrapped his arms around Ren's neck. No matter how many times Ren had picked him up, he was still afraid he'd drop him. "Ren! What are you doing?! I thought we were going shopping."

"Decorations can wait," Ren said as he dropped Hux on the bed. "I need to show you how big and strong I am." He took off his own coat and began flexing.

"Oh you ARE big and strong, aren't you, Ren?" Hux teased as he removed his own coat and gloves.

Ren smiled mischievously. "You know I'm big," Ren teased as he leaned down and slowly crawled on to Hux.

Hux rolled his eyes. "Mhm, yeah, I know," Hux mumbled to himself as Ren kissed him.

Ren pulled away. "What was that?"

“Oh, I was just saying, that yes, you DO have a really big ego."

Ren chuckled as he kissed his neck. "You know that's not what I was referring to." He continued kissing and sucking on Hux's neck.

Hux closed his eyes and tilted his head back. "Oh, right, you meant your big lips, of course," Hux replied. 

"Of course," Ren said between kissing and softly biting, "all the better to suck on things with." He started sucking on his neck again. Hux knew it would leave a mark, but he just didn't care.

"What other things are they good for sucking on?"

Ren pulled away and said with a bright smile. "Straws, of course!"

Hux laughed. "Ren! You are such a menace!"

Ren chuckled. "Yeah, but I'm YOUR menace."

Hux accepted another kiss as he mumbled, "Lucky me."

****

Ren decided getting the tree was the last thing to do. They'd already bought more Christmas decorations than Hux thought they would have room for in their small flat, but it made Ren happy, so he went along with it graciously.

"Any you like?" Ren asked as they walked onto the Christmas tree lot.

Hux shook his head. "They're pretty much all the same. Pick which ever one you want, Agra."

Ren smiled. "Okay!" He grabbed Hux's hand and pulled him along. "Come on!" he said excitedly.

Hux laughed. He hadn't ever seen Ren this happy before. It made him think back to what Luke had said about Ren being more like he used to be. Hux smiled to himself, glad to know he was the cause of so much joy in Ren's life. He followed along happily.

"What about THIS one?!" he asked with exuberance as he showed Hux one of the tallest trees on the lot.

"You DO realize we have stairs to carry it up, don't you?"

"We can do it!"

Hux shook his head. "It will never fit in our flat, Ren."

Ren sighed, dejectedly. "I know." He grabbed Hux's hand again, his sadness gone. "Let's keep looking!"

They finally agreed on a tree, strapped it to the top of Ren's car, and took it home. Decorating was far more fun than Hux thought it would be. Most of his enjoyment came from watching Ren and his excitement. He put mistletoe in EVERY door way. "That way I have an excuse to kiss you!" he explained as he planted one on him. Once they'd finished decorating, Hux could barely recognize the place. It sparkled and twinkled all over. It was a spectacular sight.

"Will you put the star on?" Ren asked as he handed it to Hux.

Hux smiled. "It's alright, Acushla, you can do it."

Ren cleared his throat. "I'd like YOU to."

Hux shook his head. "No, really-"

"Please?" Ren asked, almost in a whispered. "It's really important to me that YOU do it."

Hux nodded as he accepted the decoration. "Alright." He didn't ask for an explanation, he didn't need one. Ren said it was important to him, so he would do it. He put the star on and then stepped back to admire their work. Ren plugged the lights in and turned the living room lights off. He stood behind Hux and wrapped his arms around him. He held him tightly and rested his chin on his shoulder.

Hux held his arms in return. "It's lovely, Ren. Thank you."

"Well, you deserve the best, babe," Ren replied as he kissed his neck gently. "Hey! Why don't we invite Phasma and Rose over to watch a movie!? I have the PERFECT Christmas movie! I'll invite Rey and the guys too!"

Hux smiled. "Sure, if they're free, let's."

"Great!" Ren shouted excitedly, as he pulled away from Hux. He turned the lights back on and then texted Rey.

Everyone gathered at their flat later that evening. Hux worried how it would be to have Rose and Rey in the same room together, since they both had dated Phasma, but they got along well. Hux wondered if Ren was right, that Rey got along with most everyone, and that he was just being possessive.

"So what Christmas movie are we watching?" Phasma asked as she settled in on an over-stuffed chair. "Die Hard?"

"That's not a Christmas movie," Poe disagreed.

"Sure it is," Rose defended, from where she sat on the floor. There wasn't much room, so she sat at Phasma's feet. "It happens during Christmas."

"That isn't the sole qualifier to be a Christmas movie," Poe argued back.

"I've always thought it was a Christmas film," Rey agreed.

"See!" Rose shouted. "Three to one!"

Finn shook his head. "Not a Christmas movie."

"Still leading with three votes," Phasma pointed out. "Hux?"

"Don't ask me, I never cared for it," he replied as he drank his glass of whiskey.

Phasma looked at Ren. He shook his head. "I don't think of it as a Christmas movie."

"Now you gotta break the tie, Huxy," Poe said with a smirk. "What do you say, Christmas or not?"

"No fair!" Rose shouted. "He'll only side with you because he's a dude!"

"I didn't even THINK about pulling the bro card! Come on, Hux, you know you want to side with us." Poe winked at him.

Hux shook his head again. "You can't pull me into this. Like I said, I hated the film."

"Fine," Phasma said with an over-dramatic sigh, "it's a tie. So, what ARE we watching?"

Ren smiled. "My most favorite Christmas movie. The Nightmare Before Christmas!"

"Isn't that a Halloween movie?" Rose asked as she sipped her wine.

"Yes!" Ren yelled excitedly. "That's the beauty of it! It's so versatile. First you watch it in October and THEN you get to watch it two months later!"

"I'm with Rose on this," Rey agreed. "Halloween."

"No, it's both!" Ren argued back as he set the movie up.

"I vote Christmas," Poe chimed in. "It SAYS Christmas IN the title."

Finn nodded. "Poe's right for once. Christmas."

"No, Ren is right," Phasma now said. "It's good for both. It's good for whenever, really."

Ren looked at Hux. "What do YOU say, Gingerbread?"

Hux shook his head. "Again, don't ask me. I didn't care for it either. If I'd KNOWN that was the movie you wanted to watch, I'd have said no to this soirée."

"You're adorable when you talk like that," Ren said as he walked over to Hux and pulled him into his arms. "With your big fancy words and stuff."

"Come on, Renny," Poe piped in, "he's adorable ALL the time." He winked at Hux.

Ren pulled Hux tighter to him. "Well, he's MY adorable boyfriend," Ren reminded him.

Rey laughed from where she was sitting, on Finn's lap. "When did you become so possessive, Ren?"

"I'm not possessive!" He then looked at Hux and added sweetly, "Hux is just mine." He kissed him gently.

"Get a room," Poe teased as he stood up and headed for the kitchen. "Anyone else want a beer?"

"I'll get them," Hux offered as he pulled away from Ren.

"No, don't worry about it," Poe insisted. "You two go sit down." To the rest of the room he asked again, "Who wants a beer?"

"I'll take another!" Phasma called.

"Me too," Ren said as he pulled Hux to him again. He leaned in close to him and whispered, "You're beautiful, ya know?"

"You're sweet," Hux whispered back. He gave him a light peck on the lips. "And perhaps getting a little drunk."

Ren smiled. "Not even close." He then leaned in again and kissed Hux aggressively, pressing him to the door way. Hux pushed him away.

"Ren, there are other people here," Hux reminded him sternly.

"So, it's OUR home." Ren leaned in to kiss him again, but Hux turned away.

"I don't like affection when there are other people around," he said matter-of-factly.

Ren leaned in to kiss him again. "Come on, Hux, it's not that big a deal-"

"I said, stop, Ren," Hux interrupted as he pushed him away.

Ren sighed. "Sorry." He turned around and went back to setting the movie up.

Hux felt like everyone was watching him, so he disappeared into the kitchen. He placed his hands on the table and took several staggering breaths, trying to calm himself.

"You okay, Huxy?"

Hux looked up and saw Poe standing there. He'd forgotten he'd gone to get beer from the fridge. "I'm fine," Hux manged to get out. But he was embarrassed to have Poe see him having an attack, it made it so much worse.

Poe set the beer bottles on the table. "No, you're not man. Are you having a panic attack?" he asked in real concern.

Hux looked at him in complete disbelief. How did Poe know? Ren didn't even know!

"I've seen this before. Shit! What did we do for Wes? Um, yeah, okay. Breath. Can you do that?" Hux nodded. "Okay, good. Um. Let's see. How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Two," Hux answered.

"Good. You're a smart guy. You probably know math pretty good. But we'll start simple. What's two times two?"

Hux looked at him in confusion. "Four."

"Right. Now, tell me your four favorite foods."

Hux didn't know what Poe was doing, but he went along with it. "Um, strawberries, waffles, mushrooms, and cantaloupe."

"You're doing great! Now how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three. What-"

"Tell me your three favorite books."

"I couldn't possibly narrow it down to three. Why are you-"

"I'm distracting you, bro," Poe finally explained.

Hux realised that Poe was right. He wasn't breathing nearly as heavily as he was before and his heart wasn't pounding against his chest.

Hux looked at him and asked, "How-"

"My kid brother," Poe answered before he could finish his question. Poe looked down at the floor as he continued, "Wesley has had panic attacks since I can remember. He didn't want to be on meds for such a long time, we had to figure out different ways to get him through them. Distracting him always seemed to work pretty well." He looked back up at him. "Sorry you're going through the same thing, Hux."

Hux bit his lower lip and then said, "Well, thank you. Phasma usually helps me. She coaches my breathing typically and reminds me of what's really going on around me."

"Well, you're fortunate to have a friend like her." Poe paused and then quietly asked, "Does Ren know about your anxiety?"

Hux didn't feel like he owed an explanation to Poe, but he was grateful for the help he had given him, so he answered honestly, "No, and I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything to him."

"No worries," Poe replied. "That's between the two of you. It's not any of my business."

"You think I should tell him, don't you?"

Poe shrugged. "My personal opinion, yes. What happens when you have one around him and he doesn't know how to get you grounded?"

"I have them under control," Hux retorted. He knew he didn't and this episode was evidence to the contrary, but he didn't care. This was the one thing, he didn't want Ren to know about.

Poe nodded. It was obvious he didn't believe him. "Okay. I won't say anything to him." He grabbed the beers from the table and headed back out to the living room.

Hux tried to wrap it around his head, exactly what had just happened. It was a side of Poe he didn't think existed. He was so out there and flirtatious, Hux would never had imagined that there was a softer, kinder side to him.

Hux filled his glass and went back out to the living room. They had already started the movie, but Hux didn't much care. He saw Ren was sitting in the other chair and he went to him. He sat on his lap, grabbed his face between his hands, and kissed him deeply. Ren was obviously surprised by this because he didn't kiss him back at first, but he quickly caught on and kissed him back.

Hux pulled away and smiled at him. In a whisper, Ren said, "I thought you didn't want anyone around when we-"

"I don't care," Hux interrupted with his own whisper. "You're right. It doesn't matter. This is OUR home and if someone doesn't like it, they can leave."

Ren smiled and then leaned in to kiss him again. Hux buried his hands in Ren's thick hair as Ren wrapped his arms around Hux.

Eventually, Phasma cleared her throat to get their attention, but Hux refused to pull away. She threw a throw pillow at them. This still didn't get them to stop. "Hey, I believe your room is that way!" Phasma said teasingly. Without pulling away from Ren, Hux let go of his hair with one hand and flipped her off.

Rey laughed. "Guess you know what he thinks about that!"

They eventually stopped making out and Hux cuddled into Ren's arms and watched the movie. He'd never enjoyed The Nightmare Before Christmas so much before.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren and Hux attend Jaina's Christmas recital.  
> Hux "helps" Ren with hia schoolwork.  
> Ren dresses "seductively" for Hux.  
> Ren gives Hux an early Christmas gift and sees Hux have a full-on panic attack for the first time ever.

Ren dressed in black slacks and a black button up shirt. He rolled the sleeves up as he looked in the full-length mirror hanging in their room. He sighed. 'I really don't even want to go to this thing! Jaina only wants us to go because Hux is a part of that 'us'!'

Hux came in behind him, already dressed, but now with his hair set nicely. "You alright, Ren?" he asked as he caught Ren's gaze in the mirror.

Ren sighed. "Do we HAVE to go?" he whined.

Hux chuckled. "She's YOUR sister, not mine."

"Good, then we don't have to go," Ren replied as he started to undo his shirt.

"Ren," Hux scolded him as he forced him to turn around and began buttoning his shirt up again. "Your sister wants you there," Hux reminded him gently.

"She wants YOU there," Ren argued back.

Hux sighed. "Whomever wants who there or not, it really doesn't matter. We're going."

Ren sighed again. "Fine."

Hux smiled and kissed him. "It's only an hour, my love. And then when we get home," he kissed him again and continued in a seductive whisper, "I'll take care of you. IF you can behave yourself. Think you can do that for me?" As an incentive, he reached down and grabbed Ren, squeezing gently.

Ren closed his eyes and bit his lip as a shiver ran through his body. "Yeah, um, I think I can do that for you."

Hux kissed him again. "Good." He let go of him and headed for the living room. "Ready to leave whenever you are!" he called out as he walked away. Ren adjusted himself and followed Hux out.

****

Ren sat there, bored out of his mind. 'If my sister wasn't a part of this, I wouldn't be here. No one is here unless they're family to someone performing! Ugh! I can't believe I let Hux convince me to come tonight.' Hux grabbed his hand. He didn't say anything or even look at him. He simply held his hand. Ren smiled. 'He's becoming a lot more comfortable with this. It's nice.'

Jaina was next, a part of a trio. She was on her cello, while someone else was on a violin and another person was playing a larger violin, a viola, Ren was pretty sure that's what it was called. It was amusing watching Jaina carry her cello onto the stage. She was only about a foot taller than it and she didn't look strong enough to carry it, but she some how managed it.

Ren sat a little forward on his chair. He hadn't heard Jaina play in some time. 'Okay, maybe I DO want to hear her play. Not that I'll admit that out loud though.' They played a medley of Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful, and Joy to the World. It was an interesting mix for sure. Ren watched Jaina. 'I don't think I've ever seen her so happy before. God, she looks so much like Mom! She really plays pretty good.'

After their medley there were three more performances, then Jaina played again. It was O Come, O Come, Emmanuel, a duet between her and a piano player, but as they played, it was obvious, it was a song meant to highlight Jaina's skill. 'This is the last song for the night. Well, the Riggs would be stupid to not have their best play at the end. She really is good.'

Refreshments were served after the performance. Han and Leia spoke with some of the other parents, while Jacen went off on his own. "Jaina was amazing!" Hux praised.

Ren nodded. "She really was."

"Benjamin Solo!" Ren and Hux turned to see a short, old lady, walk their way.

Ren gave a polite smile. "Hello, Maz."

"And how is my favorite former piano student?"

"I'm good. Oh, Maz, this is my boyfriend, Hux. Hux, Maz Riggs."

Hux extended his hand. "A pleasure Mrs. Riggs."

"Just Maz," she assured him as she shook his hand. "Do you play? You have the hands for it."

Hux smiled. "Thank you, but I'm afraid not. Ren has offered to teach me the piano however."

"Well, Ren was an exceptional student." She shrugged as she adjusted her large framed glasses, "Perhaps a bit ornery, but still a pleasure to have."

"That's surprising to hear," Han said as he came up behind Ren and put a hand on his shoulder. "Him being a pleasant student, not an ornery one. THAT part is easy to believe."

'Why is he touching me? God, I don't know why he's trying to keep up a pretense that we get along.'

"Jaina was exceptional tonight," Hux offered to Han.

"She is," Han agreed.

Maz nodded. "Yes, my husband, Richard, raves about her constantly. She is most certainly his favorite student."

"Glad to hear it," Han replied with a smile. "Excuse me," Han said as he walked away to talk to someone else.

Maz looked at Ren with a sympathetic look. "You two still not getting along?"

"Have we ever?" Ren asked quietly.

Maz shrugged. "Perhaps. Seems worse now."

Ren looked down and crossed his arms. "He kicked me out about two months ago."

"Oh, Benjamin, darling!" She went to him and wrapped her arms around him. She was so tiny, her head barely touched the bottom of his chest. Ren embraced her in return. "All will be well, Benjamin." She looked up at him and stood on her tip toes. He leaned down and she kissed his cheek. "I promise." She smiled at him and walked away to talk with another student.

Hux grabbed Ren's hand and smiled. "You two are awfully close. Should I be concerned?" he teased.

Ren pushed him jokingly. "Shut up." They made their way over to Leia, whom was congratulating Jaina.

"We're gonna take off," Ren said as he approached.

"Oh, no," Leia quickly replied, "we were thinking we should grab dinner together!"

Ren sighed, "I don't-"

"Please, Ren?" Jaina asked sincerely.

Ren looked at her, trying to gauge her thoughts. 'If Hux weren't here, she wouldn't want us to go.'

"I don't know, we..." he paused when he saw Jaina's face.

'She really DOES want us to go, doesn't she?'

Ren sighed. "If Hux wants to."

"Of course!" Hux answered. To Jaina he said, "We'd be delighted to join you for dinner."

Jaina smiled. "Awesome! I have to get me cello." She dashed away.

Hux looked at Leia and said, "Jaina is truly a beautiful child. And quite talented."

Leia smiled politely. "Thank you. Well, we were going to the Canyon Creek. If you'd like to meet us there?"

Ren nodded. "Sure." He gave his mom a hug. "We'll see you there."

****

All through dinner, Ren waited for it to go south. He expected a snide remark from his dad or a rude comment from Jacen, but everyone was extremely polite.

"Are you planning on coming to the Christmas service next Sunday?" Leia asked at one point.

"I hadn't thought about it," Ren admitted.

"Jacen is playing Joseph in the Nativity," Jaina offered.

"And are YOU playing the angel?" Hux asked her with a smile and a wink.

Jaina blushed. "No," she answered quietly, "I helped make the costumes though."

"Jaina's become quite a seamstress," Han added as he gave her an encouraging smile.

"Thank you, Dad," she whispered with a smile.

"You shouldn't be so modest about your talents, Jaina," Hux said. "You're quite a gifted young woman. You played beautifully tonight, by the way."

Jaina's face was getting redder by the minute. "Thank you."

"Ben was usually one of the of the wise men," Leia told Hux.

Han laughed. "More like one of the wise guys," he joked.

'He's awfully friendly. Why? What's his game?'

"Were you ever a part of a Nativity play, Hux?" Leia asked.

'This is too fucking weird! What the Hell is going on?'

Hux cleared his throat. He was obviously embarrassed by his forthcoming answer. "My father didn't care to celebrate Christmas to be completely honest. And I was never very religious myself. My mum taught me about God, but she was never a part of an organized religion."

"Then we're going to the Christmas service," Ren added. "You HAVE to see a Nativity play at least once in your life."

"I know what a Nativity play consists of, Ren," Hux gently argued back.

"But you've never ACTUALLY seen one! I can't believe your dad, him not being into Christmas and shit." He looked at Leia and said, "You know, he never even decorated for Christmas as a kid."

"Ren, I told you I did, just not really after Mum passed."

"Your mom died?" Jaina asked in concern.

Hux cleared his throat again. "Yes, when I was very young."

"I'm sorry," Jaina added as she grabbed Hux's hand.

"It's fine," Hux replied as he pulled his hand away.

'I have to change the subject. He doesn't like talking about his mom.'

"How do you like Rich Riggs as a teacher?" Ren asked Jaina.

She smiled. "He's very nice. He's really a jovial person. You never got to learn from him, did you?"

Ren shook his head. "Nah, I learned piano, so I had Maz. Rich takes care of all the string instruments."

Conversation ebbed and flowed like this all through dinner until they'd all finished their food. Jacen was the only one who remained quiet.

Leia hugged Ren outside the restaurant. "Thank you for coming tonight."

"You're welcome. Thank you for letting me bring Hux."  
Leia pulled away and smiled. "For you, I'll try." She then went to Hux and gave him a hug. The look of shock on his face was almost laughable! "Thank you for joining us tonight." She pulled away and looked at him with a smile. "I know it meant a lot to Jaina to have the two of you in the audience."

"Thank you for the invitation. We had a wonderful evening," Hux replied.

Jaina dashed over to them and embraced Ren. "Thank you for coming tonight, Ren."

"No problem."

She then went and hugged Hux. "Thank you for being here tonight. I hope you and Ren enjoyed it."

"We did very much so, princess. You were exceptional. Thank you for inviting us."

She and Leia went to the car. Hux chuckled and said to Ren, "Your family is very physically affectionate."

Ren laughed. "Oh, you noticed that."

Before Ren knew it, Han was standing in front of him. "Glad you came tonight, kiddo." He extended his hand.

'Are we in the fucking Twilight Zone!? What the Hell is going on?!'

Ren accepted his handshake and then Han pulled him into a tight embrace. "Thanks for inviting us, we had a good time," Ren replied as he hugged him back.

Han pulled away and extended his hand out to Hux. "It was nice to see you again."

Hux accepted his hand. It looked as though he were afraid Han would pull him into a hug too, but he didn't. "We had a lovely evening. We appreciate the invitation out."

Han nodded his reply and then went to the car. Ren looked at Hux. "What the Hell is going on?"

Hux shrugged. "My guess is the whole 'Christmas spirit' thing that seems to envelope people this time of year."

'Hux is probably right,' he thought to himself as he got into the passenger seat of the car. 'But it was nice. It felt like, I was wanted again. I'll never admit it out loud, but I liked it.'

"So, I assume your parents are going to want us over for Christmas?"

Ren shrugged. "Mom didn't mention it, but I'm sure they'll want us to." Ren paused. "We should go Christmas shopping."

Hux sighed as he drove. "I haven't exchanged gifts at Christmas in years. I mean, I usually get something for Phasma, but that's about it."

"I just cannot BELIEVE how much of Christmas you've lacked in your past."

Hux shrugged. "I don't feel like I missed out on anything."

"But you HAVE!" Ren exclaimed. "I mean, caroling, and looking at Christmas lights! Man, I loved that as a kid!"

Hux smiled. "Well, I'm sure you will help me make up for what I've missed out on."

Ren smiled as he grabbed his hand. "You bet I will."

Once they were back at the apartment, Ren closed the front door behind him and pressed Hux to it, kissing him.

Hux laughed and pulled away. "What's this about?"

"You said you'd take care of me when we got home, if I behaved. I think I did a good job, Daddy."

Hux took a quivering breath. "That's disgusting," Hux said with a smile. "I'm not sure if I enjoy that kink."

Ren nuzzled his neck. "It's okay if it turns you on," he whispered. "I don't mind." He kissed and sucked on Hux's neck. Hux tilted his head back, his breathing getting heavier. "I was a very good boy tonight, wasn't I, Daddy? Don't you think I deserve a special treat?"

"And what would you like as a treat?"

Ren grabbed Hux's crotch, making him take in a few sharp breaths. "I really like your dick. I wanna suck you off."

Hux swallowed hard before replying. "That seems like more of a treat for me."

"Then you can do it for me afterwards, Daddy. Would you like that?"

Hux nodded vigorously. "Yes, I very much would."

Ren dropped to his knees and started undoing Hux's pants. "Tell me I'm a good boy," he encouraged as he started to remove Hux's pants.

"You did so well tonight. You behaved like a good little boy," Hux replied. He still had his head tilted back and his eyes closed.

"Anything for you, Daddy," Ren said in return as he pulled Hux's boxer briefs down to his ankles where his pants now were. He licked the inside of his thigh. "I want to be a good boy for you."

Hux moaned. "You are. You've been such a good boy for Daddy. Now, take your reward, please!" Hux started impatiently thrusting his hips out toward Ren.

Ren smiled. "Yes, Daddy." Ren took him in, causing Hux to take a sharp breath.

'I'd do anything for him,' Ren thought as Hux put his hands in his hair. 'I really do mean anything. If he wanted to try something way kinkier than this, I'd do it. I fucking love him!' Ren did the best he could to express that adoration to Hux through his blow job. Hux finally came and Ren swallowed it down. He pulled off and looked up at Hux, smiling.

Hux was breathing heavily. "Give me a minute and then I'll take you."

"No rush," Ren assured him. "Take your time, Daddy."

Hux smiled and laughed lightly through his heavy breaths. "You know, I'm starting to think I'm not super opposed to being called that."

Ren smiled. "I'll call you whatever you'd like."

Hux looked down at him. "Go sit on the sofa."

"Yes, Daddy," Ren replied with a chuckle. Ren made his way to the couch and sat down. Hux stayed by the door. He slowly got dressed and then watched Ren for a few moments. "I'm waiting," Ren encouraged.

"You'll wait for as long as I say you will," Hux replied. "Take yourself out. I want to see you pleasure yourself."  
Ren did as he was instructed. "Slowly," Hux ordered.

Ren slowed his pace. "Please, Daddy!" Ren whined. "I need you. Your mouth on me." Ren closed his eyes as he continued to stroke himself. "I was a good boy, wasn't I Daddy? Please?"

Hux made his way over to Ren and knelt down on the floor between his legs. "Yes, you were. You were such a good boy. You deserve a special treat, don't you?"

"Yes, Daddy! Please?"

Hux grabbed Ren's hand and pulled it away and then took him into his mouth.

'Oh God! Hux! Fuck!' Ren put his hands in Hux's hair. He let Hux control the pace at first, but soon started forcing his head down and up. He started thrusting in as well. 'Yes! Oh Hux!' He came without making much noise, then Hux did something he'd never done before. He pulled off and immediately sat up to kiss Ren, letting him taste his own cum. It spilled out between them, dribbling down their chins a little, but they managed to swallow the rest of it between them.

Hux pulled away and rested his forehead against Ren's. "Hope that was okay," he said with a wicked smile.

Ren opened his eyes and kissed him lightly. "It was perfect," he whispered, "just like you."

****

That week, Ren was studying up for his finals. He was exhausted. 'Just gotta turn in this paper and take my finals tomorrow and then I'm done till next quarter. Ugh! I don't even know if I want to do next quarter. I should take a break.'

Hux came into the living room and sat on the other side of the couch. He looked over at Ren in concern. "Have you eaten?"

"Yeah, yeah," Ren answered without really processing what Hux had said.

"Ren, Agra, you need to eat something," Hux cooed as he grabbed Ren's pen away from him.

"Hux, babe, I gotta finish this paper! It's like worth half my grade!"

Hux sipped his tea. "That sounds absurd. How can a single assignment be half of your grade?"

"It just IS!" Ren angrily replied, his voice raising more than he'd intended. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I'm being snippy." He looked at Hux as he continued, "I'm just tired. I've got this paper and then I have to study for my other two finals and then I have an in-class project to complete as my final project-"

Hux leaned over and kissed him, putting a hand on the back of his neck. Ren instinctively closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Hux. He moaned in the back of his throat. He pulled away slightly and whispered, "Hux, I need-" but before he could say more, Hux pulled his head forward and pressed his lips to his own once again.

'God, this is so nice, but...'

Ren pulled away again and tried to repeat his earlier thought, "Hux, I need to-" but Hux refused to let him complete his sentence by kissing him yet again. Ren was at a lose. He wanted Hux, but he had to get his schoolwork done.

Hux pulled away and finished Ren's sentence for him. "You need to relax." He pressed his forehead to Ren's. "You're never going to keep all of those minute details and strange facts in that thick skull of yours, if you don't take the time to take care of yourself.

Ren sighed. "I know. I just REALLY need to know this stuff," he whined. "And this paper-"

"Ren," Hux held his face between his hands. "Relax, alright? It's going to be fine. You're smart. You'll be able to take those finals without a problem. Right now, you need to take a breather. Get something to eat too. Okay?"

Ren wouldn't meet his eyes, but he nodded. "Okay."

Hux smiled. "Good. Now, I'll make something for us for dinner and then you can get back at it."

Ren nodded again, with a smile as Hux left for the kitchen. 'He's so damn wonderful. God, I love him!'

"Need any help with anything, babe?" Ren called from where he was still on the couch.

"Just need you to stop calling me babe," Hux called back.

Ren chuckled as he stood up. 'I need more coffee.' He went to the kitchen. Hux stood at the stove cooking something in a pan. All Ren could tell for sure was that it was chicken. 'It smells delicious already.' He poured himself another cup of coffee.

"Should you REALLY be drinking that right now?" Hux asked.

"I still have to finish my paper and then study-"

"Don't," Hux warned. "I don't want to hear another word from you about school until after you've had something to eat."

Ren smiled. "Yes, sir."

Hux smiled and threw a kitchen towel at him. "Don't be such a brat."

Ren laughed. 'How did I get so lucky? He's so wonderful. I don't deserve him.'

Ren stood behind Hux and wrapped his arms around him. He kissed his neck softly. Hux let out a sigh of pleasure. "Ren, I'm trying to cook."

"I know," he replied as he nibbled his ear. "I'm not stopping you."

"No, but you ARE making it far more difficult."

Ren chuckled. "You know, I AM really tense from all of this studying. And I think I know the perfect thing to help me unwind."

"Hmm, do you now?"

Ren gently traced his teeth down Hux's neck, causing a shiver to run down his spine. "Yeah, I do."

"So do I, Ren," Hux replied as he gently pushed him away. "A full belly for one thing."

Ren laughed. He held Hux tightly to him and rested his head on his shoulder. "I love you so much, Hux."

Hux turned his head as much as he could and placed a sweet kiss on Ren's forehead. "And I, you, Asthore."

Ren kissed his cheek and let go to get himself another cup of coffee as he waited for Hux to finish cooking.

After they ate dinner, Ren went back to his schoolwork, almost immediately. Hux sat on the other side of the couch reading.

Ren stared at his laptop for ten minutes, rereading what he'd written. 'Hereto and therefore, happy birthday- what the fuck?!' He erased it and started over. 'Hereto and therefore, Pop goes the weasel- what the Hell!?' He hit the delete key several times in rapid succession, frustratedly. 'Okay, one more time! Hereto and therefore, I'm a little teapot- FUCK!' He leaned back, resting his head on the back of the couch and rubbing his eyes.

Hux looked at him in concern. He closed his book, setting it down on the coffee table, and then reached for Ren, gently putting a hand on his arm. "Ren, Darling, are you alright?"

Ren took a deep breath and sat forward. "Yeah, I just need some more coffee." He stood up, but he lost his balance and sat right back down. He grabbed his head and rubbed his eyes.

"I think you need to get some rest. You're exhausted," Hux observed.

Ren shook his head. "No, I gotta finish this paper. I'm almost done and I gotta go over all my notes for my finals-"

Hux stood up, grabbed Ren's hands and pulled him to his feet. "No, you need sleep."

"Hux!" Ren whined.

"Don't argue with me. You can finish your paper first thing in the morning." He gently pulled Ren to their room. "The state you're in, you'll never be able to remember anything any way."

'He's right,' Ren thought as he followed Hux to their room. 'I AM exhausted. How long have I been awake? Twenty, twenty-four, no, more like thirty some hours. But, my finals! I gotta know this stuff!' Ren was fretting over all this so much, it didn't even register to him that Hux had made him sit on the bed and was undressing him until he was nearly done.

"Hux, I'm too tired, I don't think I could-"

"I'm not asking you to," Hux replied as he pulled Ren's jeans down as far as he could. "Lift," he ordered. Ren picked his ass up off the bed, long enough to let Hux work his jeans over it. He pulled them down to his ankles and removed them along with his socks. "Now, lay down," he ordered as he tossed Ren's clothes in the dirty clothes bin. This made Millicent jump out and dash away, she'd been curled up in the bin. "Well, don't sleep there," Hux called after her. "You know better than that!"

"Hux," Ren began weakly.

"Lay down," Hux ordered. Ren did so without argument. Hux pulled the blankets over him. He then dressed for bed and then curled up behind Ren on his side of the bed. He held Ren tightly, caressing his skin with the lightest of touches. "It's time to sleep, Agra." Ren nodded as he closed his eyes. Without another word, he drifted off to sleep.

****

Ren was able to wake up early enough the next day to finish up his paper and skim over his notes for his finals. He was tired when he got home after his last class, but he decided he wanted to thank Hux for taking care of him the night before.

Ren chuckled to himself. 'I DID tell him, I'd dress all lumberjack and outdoorsy for him. I think I'll do that!'  
Ren went through all of his clothes and found an old flannel shirt he never wore. 'This is perfect! I think I've got some work boots somewhere too. And I need to get an ax! Where in the Hell am I gonna find an ax?'

Once Ren was dressed and ready, he climbed on to the coffee table as carefully as possible and waited for Hux to come home.

As Hux entered the apartment, he stopped when he saw Ren standing there. Ren smiled at him. Hux tried to stifle a laugh. "Um, good afternoon Ren! I see you’ve... Gone for a new style today." Hux closed the door.

"I told you I'd dress adorable and outdoorsy for you," Ren replied.

"Indeed you did. I didn't realize an ax was necessary to complete the ensemble."

"Of course! If I didn't have it, I'd just look like an idiot."

Hux snorted, but kept smiling. "Have you been waiting for me long?" Hux started to head to their bedroom.

Ren shrugged slightly. 'This ax is really heavy!'

"Nah, just a few minutes or so."

'It's been like an hour, but I'm not gonna tell HIM that.'

“Are you going to stay there all day?" Hux asked from where he now stood by the bedroom door. "I was just going to get changed; do you need help getting down?”

"Nope, I'm fine." He held his pose. "I'll just stay here and wait for you."

Hux just shook his head and went into their room.

'I didn't actually think this through. I'm gonna break something if I try to get down. I can't ask Hux for help, that defeats the whole purpose of this.' He looked around, trying to find the best way to step down without dropping the ax or breaking his own foot. He finally turned around and was able to gently step down.

Hux cleared his throat. Ren looked over and saw that Hux was now standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame. "You couldn't get down could you?"

"Yes I could!" Ren argued back. "I just..." He paused and looked down at the floor, dejectedly. "I didn't want to break anything."

"Well, it's too late for that," Hux replied as he pushed himself away from the door frame. "You've already broken PLENTY of things."

Ren looked up in surprise. 'Shit! Really? What did I break?!'

"Hux, I'm so sorry I-"

“No, Ren," Hux interrupted with a laugh. "What I mean is, you’ve broken me out of the habit of refusing to date anyone." He stepped closer as he spoke. "You’ve broken down the walls I built to protect myself, and most of all you’ve broken my resolve not to fall in love again." He said this last part in a soft whisper as he stood in front of Ren. He put his arms around him and kissed him.

'This still feels amazing. Every time he puts his lips to mine, it's like I can't breath and at the same time, like he's giving me every reason to do so.'

Hux finally pulled away and added, "Well, you DID break one of my favorite mugs last week, but that's neither here nor there."

Ren cleared his throat. "Um, well, uh, actually..." he pointed at a spot on the coffee table where lied the remnants of another one of Hux's mugs. "I didn't realize it was there when I climbed up."

Hux just laughed and shook his head. "Oh, Ren!" He kissed him again.

Ren pulled away and pointed at the corner. "And I might have knocked over a lamp too."

"However did you manage that?!" Before Ren could answer, Hux stopped him. "Nope, I don't want to know." He kissed him again. He pulled away and added, "You're cleaning them up."

Ren was too engulfed by Hux and his soft lips. "Sure, sure, just keep kissing me and I'll do whatever you want later." He winked at Hux.

"Oh really?" Hux whispered seductively. "So, you mean, you’ll change the sheets, wash the dishes, tidy the kitchen-“ 

"Not THAT kind of anything," he interrupted with a goofy grin. "Besides, you stopped kissing me, so, now I don't have to," he teased as he pulled away.

Hux pulled him back to him. "Come here you big idiot," he joked as he kissed him hard.

Ren let himself fall back into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Hux tightly. Hux grabbed tightly to Ren's hair. Ren pulled his lips away for a moment and whispered, "There's something I want to try." He then picked Hux up and sat him on the coffee table.

"On the worktop? Ren, are you mad!?"

"Only about you," Ren replied as he went to work removing Hux's clothes.

Hux laughed. "You utter moron, how I LOVE you!"

****

As they laid in bed that night, Ren took out the notebook he had hidden under his mattress. He looked over at Hux to make sure he was still facing the other direction. He open the notebook and wrote something.

"What's that?" Hux asked.

Ren quickly shut the notebook and looked over at Hux. He had turned over toward Ren while Ren's back was to him. "Nothing," he answered quickly.

Hux gave him a questioning look. "Ren?"

"It's... Um..."

Hux reached for it. "Let me see!" He pulled it away with a smile. "Is it a diary? What nasty little things have you said about me?" He opened it up and started reading. His face fell and his expression became neutral. "Ren?"

"Yeah, Hux?" he asked as innocently as he could.

"Is this a notebook about all the places we've done it in the flat?"

Ren sucked on his bottom lip. "Maybe."

"Uh-hu, and pray, tell, why is UNDER the kitchen table marked as a 'possible'?" he looked at Ren in question. He handed the notebook back to him. "We are most certainly NOT doing that."

"Why not?" Ren protested.

Hux laid back down and closed his eyes. "Because I said so, THAT'S why."

"Oh come on, Hux!"

Hux looked over at him and shook his head when he saw him pout. "No," Hux answered again as he laid his head back on his pillow. "I draw the line there. I'm willing to try many things, but I won't do that. It's bad enough you seduced me into doing it on TOP of the table"

"C’mon," Ren whined as he snuggled up to Hux. "You haven’t even considered it! And besides, it was YOU who wanted to do it on top of the kitchen table.”

"It was NOT my idea!” Hux nearly yelled as he turned to Ren.

"Yes it was, you were the one who was all 'oh my God, Ren, I need you now. Our room is too far away!'.” He imitated Hux in a fake falsetto.

“Whatever," Hux grumbled as he rolled away from Ren, turning his back to him.

“So, can we? I mean, will you at least think about it?” Ren begged.

Hux sighed. "I'll consider it."

Ren wait for a moment and then asked, “Yeah!?”

“Nope, still no," Hux answered as he closed his eyes.

Ren chuckled. He wrapped his arms around Hux and nuzzled into his flesh. "I'll make you change your mind."

Hux scoffed. "Best of luck with that, Darling."

****

Saturday night was a night Ren was excited for. He decided he wanted to give Hux his Christmas gift early. He practiced the piano all day while Hux was at work. 'He's going to love it!' Ren thought to himself as he played. 'It took me some time to find it, but I did.' He smiled to himself. 'I'm gonna show him how much he truly means to me with this. Let him know I appreciate all he's done for me.'

Ren was waiting right by the front door when Hux came home. "Evening Ren," Hux said, a little shocked at having Ren right there when he opened the front door.  
Ren smiled. "We're standing under the mistletoe."  
Hux chuckled as he pushed his way past Ren, inside the apartment. "That's because, you cheeky little devil put it in every doorway we have."

Ren closed the door and then pulled Hux to him. "What can I say, I just love kissing you." He leaned forward and gave Hux the most gentle of kisses. "How was work?"

Hux wrapped his arms around Ren. "Fine, as usual. Very busy. With Christmas in three days, it was rather hectic. I should really consider hiring someone, especially this time of year."

Ren smiled. "Well, speaking of Christmas, I wanted to give you your present early."

Hux's smile turned wicked. "Oh, and what kind of gift would that be, Asthore?" He kissed Ren again, pressing himself into him.

'Yeah, we could skip the gift and do this for a while instead.'

Ren pulled away though. "Come on!" He grabbed Hux's hand and led him to the spare room. Ren sat at the piano and took a deep breath. "You ready?"

Hux smiled and nodded. "Sure."

Ren took one last deep breath and began playing. He'd search diligently for the sheet music to the song Hux had sang to him when he was sick. 'It's my way of saying thank you, for him taking care of me. It's such a beautiful song.' When he finished, he turned around to look at Hux, a smile plastered on his face. But once he saw Hux, his face fell. Hux stood there, up against the wall, breathing heavily, his lower lip quivering, and eyes wide.

"Hux?"

"My mother's song. Why would... How could... I... I... Can't... Breathe!"

Ren stood up. "Hux?"

Hux closed his eyes. "It... Was... Her fav... Favorite! The funeral. They played... Her favorite. I... Why... I can't... Breathe! Ren! I..." He opened his eyes and stared at Ren in horror.

Ren went to him and grabbed his arms. "Hux, babe, what's wrong?!"

'This has happened before, but not like this. Not this intense. What's happening?'

"Ren... I... This is... I'm... I... It's a... Panic... Pan... Panic... Attack. Ren! I..."

Ren started crying. 'What do I do!?'

"Tell me what to do, Hux!" Ren begged as he pulled him into his arms. "I don't know what to fucking do!"

"Ren... I'm sorry... I-"

"This isn't your fault!" Ren assured him as he pulled away and held Hux's face between his hands. "You said, it's a panic attack. What do I do? Tell me! Please!" He pulled Hux to him again as Hux continued to shake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are still enjoying this. Life has had several ups and downs lately, so if you're following any of my other fics, I apologize for not updating. But this one I will continue to update weekly. Thank you all for your love and support, it really keeps me going :)


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Hux's panic attack.  
> The Christmas service on Sunday with Ren's family.  
> Christmas Eve with Phasma and her parents.

"Your such a fucking attention whore," DJ said as he rolled his eyes.

Hux could hardly breathe, curled up in the corner of the sofa. "No... I... This is-"

"Get over yourself, you weak little bitch!" DJ yelled.

Hux curled up into himself as tightly as he could. All he could think of now was how DJ and his father would react when he had a panic attack. But Ren was different. He sat there with Hux, holding him, tears pouring from his eyes more than Hux.

"Tell me what to do!" Ren begged.

Hux couldn't even talk any more. He couldn't reply if he'd wanted to and he wanted to. He wanted to assure Ren this wasn't his fault, that he himself was the problem. He knew he was. He was weak and pathetic, like his father had always told him. He knew he should be stronger than this!

He couldn't focus on anything. Ren kept talking to him and eventually called someone, but Hux didn't hear any of it. All he could do was try to focus on Ren holding him. He wanted to embrace Ren back, but he couldn't move. He was paralyzed by the memories that flooded him.

Hux didn't know how long they stayed there, but eventually there was a quick knock on the door. Ren got up to answer it and was immediately back moments later, with Leia!

"He's been like this for like twenty minutes!" Ren explained. "I don't know what's wrong! I can't lose him Mom, I can't!" Ren pressed his back to the other wall, still sobbing.

Leia knelt down in front of Hux and grabbed his face between her hands. He wouldn't meet her eyes. "Hux, kiddo, you need to focus," Leia said gently. "Look at me," she ordered firmly. Hux met her gaze, but kept breathing heavily. "Now, I need to listen. Can you do that?" Hux didn't reply. As though Leia knew exactly what was going on in his head, she added, "Just nod." Hux nodded. "Good." She now reached down and took hold of his hands.

She turned to look at Ren. "Ben, honey, I want you to come here for a minute." Ren pushed himself off the wall and knelt next to Leia. "I want you to put a hand on him. In his hair, on his shoulder, doesn't matter, whatever you might do to caress him like normal. Okay?"

Ren nodded. "Okay." He put his hand in Hux's hair.

"You feel that, Hux? That's Ben. He's right here." She took one of his hands and put it on Ren's chest. "That's Ben. Can you feel his heart beat?" Hux nodded. "Now, I need you to do something for me. Okay? Can you tell me your name?"

Hux closed his eyes. "Hux," he answered.

"Your full name," Leia instructed.

Hux took a deep breath. "Armitage Brendol Hux."

"That's good. Very good. Now, Hux, take another deep breath." Hux took a deep breath and let it go. He tightened his hold on Leia's hand. "Keep breathing. Count to ten." Hux started counting in his head. "Out loud," Leia explained.

Hux took another deep breath. "One. Two. Three." He continued all the way to ten.

"Hux, can you breathe now?" Leia asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, I can." His breathing had slowed. He opened his eyes and looked into Leia's. "Thank you. I'm... I'm sorry."

Leia shook her head. "You don't need to be sorry. You need to understand that."

Hux nodded. "Okay." He looked over at Ren and gave a weak smile. "Thank you, Ren."

Ren smiled back, fresh tears falling. "Sure thing."

"I think I'd like to go to bed."

Ren nodded. "Okay." He helped Hux to his feet and led him to their room. Hux sat down on the edge.

"I'll be alright now," Hux assured them. "Thank you." He then laid down, turning his back to Ren and Leia.

"Ben, honey, can I talk to you for a minute?" Leia asked.

"Yeah." Ren followed her into the living room. Hux knew the conversation was going to be about him. He didn't mean to eaves drop, but he couldn't help it.

"Ben, honey, did you know Hux had panic attacks?"

"No," he admitted. "I had no idea what was going on. I was scared I was gonna lose him!"

"Ben, sweetie, you need to have a conversation with him about it. You need to be ready the next time it happens and it WILL happen again. Even if he's on drugs-"

"He's not on any fucking drugs!"

"Ben, honey," she said soothingly. "Not recreational drugs. I mean medication." She paused and then added. "And you should leave him be for a little bit."

"He needs me," Ren argued.

"No, what he needs right now is to be left alone. Maybe even get some sleep. Let him be by himself for a little while."

"Fine," Ren agreed, but his inflection said otherwise.

"You're not gonna listen to me at all, are you?"

"I can't just leave him alone right now, Mom!" Ren argued. "He needs me."

Leia sighed. "Maybe you're right. Everyone's different. When your uncle Luke used to have panic attacks-"

"This kind of thing happened to Luke?" Ren asked in disbelief.

Hux closed his eyes and tried to block out the rest of their conversation. He agreed with Ren, he needed him right now, even though he was embarrassed, he knew he needed him.

Even when he was younger, having someone was what really helped him through his most severe attacks.

"Get off the floor!" Brendol shouted as Hux laid there from the last backhand he'd received from his father.

"Colonel! I'm sorry!" Hux apologized as he quickly stood up. "It won't happen again. I swear!" Tears were streaming down his eyes and his breath caught in his throat.

“Don’t be such a child, Armitage! Huxes aren’t weak. You give a bad representation of out name!" Brendol backhanded him again, but Hux saw it coming and was able to hold his ground. "I'm grateful your mother is dead. She'd be ashamed of the person you are!"

Hux looked him square in the eye. "Do NOT bring my mother into this!"

Brendol grabbed him by the throat and lifted him off the floor, restricting his airway. Hux grasped at his hands, but to no avail. "Your mother never truly loved you," Brendol whispered angrily. "No one could love someone as weak and pathetic as you!" He threw Hux to the ground. "If you don't start acting like a man, you can say goodbye to any chance of college or inheritance! Do you understand me, boy?!" Hux didn't trust his voice, so he nodded. "Speak, boy!"

"Yes, sir, I understand," he replied weakly.

Brendol sneered down at him. "Get out of my sight!"

Hux quickly scrambled to his feet and exited the room. He quickly went to his bedroom and closed the door behind him. He leaned against it as his breathing continued to come in and out with difficulty.

He quickly texted Phasma. 'Need u rn!' He closed his eyes and waited, knowing it would be at least another twenty minutes before she could get there. Before he knew it, Phasma was climbing in through his window.

"Armie!" she said frightenedly. "Are you okay?" She went to him and put her arms around him.

Hux began sobbing again as he embraced her. "I hate him! I bloody hate him!"

"Hux, I'm right here! He's an evil bastard, okay? Don't let him hurt you like this!"

"He... He... Said... My mum... She didn't love me!" He tightened his hold on Phasma. "I fucking hate him, Gwen!"

Phasma rubbed his back. "Caomhie loved you," Phasma assured him. "I never met her, but I KNOW she loved you."

Hux sniffled. "I know, but I... I don't think I can stay here any more!"

"Hux, luv," Phasma said as she pulled away and held his face between her hands. "We only have a few months left of school and then we can go away. FAR away."

Hux closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You're right." He opened his eyes and looked at her. "Thank you."

Back in the present, he heard Ren walk in. "Ren," he said quietly.

"Yeah?" He didn't move closer.

"Will you come here? Hold me?" Ren answered by doing just so. He held Hux lightly as though he were afraid he would break him. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You don't need to be sorry-"

"You were trying to give me a gift," Hux interrupted, "and I ruined it."

"It's okay," Ren replied. Hux could feel the tears rolling down his back as Ren buried his face in the flesh there. "I'm sorry it upset you. I didn't mean-"

"Ren, it's not your fault. I'M the one that's so fucked up. I'm so broken, it's pathetic."

Ren shook his head. "You're not pathetic, Hux. You're perfect, in every way."

Hux turned to his other side, facing Ren. "No, I'm not. I'm broken and flawed."

Ren started sobbing again. "Then let me put the pieces back together. Let me make you whole!"

Hux shook his head as he looked down, not wanting to meet Ren's gaze. "You couldn't possibly, it's far too late for me." He looked up at Ren, tears matching his now. "You shouldn't waste your life trying to mend someone who’s already unfixable." Looking down again he added in a whisper. "I'll understand if you want to leave."

“Stop it!" Ren nearly shouted through tears. "Stop talking about yourself like that! Please, Hux, can’t you see that you’re perfect to me?! You're... You're AMAZING and... Successful! And absolutely gorgeous! I love you more than anyone or anything!" Ren was sobbing uncontrollably. "And when you say shit like that about yourself, it hurts me! I... I... I don't know. It's like, I mean, it really fucking kills me. I'm not great with words like you are, but... God, Hux, I hate seeing you in pain!" He stroked Hux's cheek gently. "You're not broken. Maybe banged up and bruised a bit, but... Still whole. Bruises heal with time, let me help you get better. Please?"

Hux met his eyes. They both had tears. Hux nodded. Ren smiled and pulled him close. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Hux buried his face Ren's chest. "I know. Thank you."

**********************

The next morning it was as though they were walking on eggshells around each other. Ren wanted to talk to Hux about what had happened the night before, but he didn't want to upset him either. They quietly dressed to attend the Christmas service with Ren's family.

"We meeting your family at the church?" Hux asked as he combed his hair in place.

Ren nodded. "Yeah. And don't be surprised if Mom invites us over for dinner or asks us to join them for lunch or something." Ren paused. "We don't have to go if she does. I don't want you to feel obligated-"

"It seems your parents are actually trying," Hux replied. "I'm not going to pass that up."

Ren nodded again and then went back to tying his tie. Hux studied him. Ren really was beautiful in so many ways. His long dark hair was always wavy and full. His lips were full, but it matched his long nose and face. He looked so much like his mother and his father as well, taking the strongest characteristics from each of them.

"You look stunning," Hux mentioned as he caught Ren's gaze in the mirror. Ren smiled and looked down. This made Hux laugh on the inside. He looked just like Jaina when he did that.

Ren looked up and smiled again. "Thanks." He struggled with his tie.

"Let me, Asthore," Hux offered, forcing Ren to turn around. He started working on fixing his tie.

Ren sighed. "I haven't been to church in years."

"What made you stop going?" Hux asked.

Ren shrugged. "I guess I just didn't understand it any more. The things Luke taught me made so much more sense. That and I realised I was gay. Religious people don't look kindly on that."

"Well, that's not very Christian of them, now is it?" Hux finished with the tie and patted Ren's chest. "There." He smiled. "You look ravishing." He grabbed Ren's tie and pulled him into a deep kiss. With his other hand, he gently combed his fingers into Ren's hair. He pressed himself closer, wanting ever bit of Ren he could get.

Ren pulled away. "Are you okay?"

"Never been better," Hux whispered with a wry smile as he pulled Ren in for another passionate kiss. Ren accepted the kiss, but he didn't press into him like normal, he was almost hesitant. Hux pulled away. "What's the matter?"

Ren sighed. "I know you don't want to, but," he met Hux's eyes, "we need to talk about last night."

Hux shook his head. "No, we don't." Hux pulled away.

Ren grabbed his arm gently. "Yes, we do."

Hux could feel his anger rising to the surface. He took a deep breath. "I don't want to fight, Ren."

"I don't either," Ren assured him. "But, we NEED to talk about it."

Hux nodded. "You're right, we do." He looked up, meeting Ren's eyes. "And we will, I promise, but we do have other engagements at the moment and I would hate to disappoint your family." He pulled Ren to him, resting his forehead against his. "We WILL discuss it, my love. I swear to you"

Ren nodded. "Okay." He smiled. "We should get going."

******************************

Hux held Ren's hand through out the entire Nativity production. Hux hadn't been inside any kind of church building since his mum's funeral. He held tightly to Ren's hand to ground himself in that moment.

At the end of the service, most of the congregation stood around and mingled. Hux didn't care for crowds in general, but religious zealots made him even more uncomfortable, especially considering his sexual orientation. He kept taking deep breaths, trying to keep his nerves cool.

Ren looked at him in worry and pulled him out into the hall. "You okay?" he asked in fear.

Hux closed his eyes and took another deep breath. He opened his eyes and looked at Ren. He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm alright. I'm just not a fan of crowds really."

Ren chuckled. "I understand that. We can wait outside-"

"Well, well, as I live and breathe. Ben Solo!" They turned to the owner of the voice. A priest was walking toward them. "I haven't seen you in quite a few years. How are you, Ben?" He extended his hand out.

Ren shook his hand. "I'm well. Thank you, Father."

"And who is this young man?" he asked with a smile.

Ren cleared his throat. "Father, this is my boyfriend. Hux, this is Father Erso."

He extended his hand to Hux. "Please, Father Gailin is preferred. Did you gentlemen enjoy the Nativity? Jacen made a fine Joseph, don't you think?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah, it was nice."

Father Gailin smiled. "Yes, it was." He put a hand on Ren's shoulder. "Will we be seeing more of you then?"

Ren shook his head and looked down. "I'm afraid not, Father."

"That's a shame," Father Gailin said. "It would be nice to see you both."

"I thought homosexuals weren't welcome," Hux pointed out.

Father Gailin's smile broadened. "That wouldn't be very Christian of us, now would it?" he echoed Hux's own words. "We all need God, no matter who we are." He patted Ren's shoulder. "It was good to see you again. Merry Christmas." He then made his way down the hall, away from them.

Hux was surprised by this encounter. He hadn't met many religious people in his life, but this had not been what he'd expected. He was anticipating a fire and brimstone type of lecture. Being told he'd be thrust down to Hell for his sins of the flesh.

Han and Leia finally joined them in the hall. Leia hugged Ren. "It was so nice to have you here!" She was trying to hold back tears.

Ren hugged her back. "Yeah, um, thanks for inviting us."

She pulled away and then immediately hugged Hux. He was still very stiff as he returned the embrace. "I hope you enjoyed it, Hux."

Hux cleared his throat. "It was definitely a new experience," he replied.

Leia pulled away and smiled. "Well, Christmas is the day after tomorrow. So, we'll see you boys at 5:30 for dinner Tuesday?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah, sounds great." They offered their farewells and Hux and Ren headed home.

Hux knew Ren still wanted to talk about his panic attack the night before. He knew Ren had a right to hear about it, but Hux still didn't want to have the conversation. As they entered their flat, Hux sighed. "We should probably have that conversation now." He took his coat off and then went and sat on the sofa.

Ren looked down as he took his own outwear off. "I know you don't want to talk about it, Hux-"

"But we need to," Hux interrupt as he also stared at the floor. He looked back up and opened his arms to Ren. "Come here?"

Ren looked up and went to him. He sat on the sofa, his back to Hux's chest, and let Hux wrap his arms around him. Hux started to stroke Ren's hair as he spoke.

"I started getting panic attacks when I was about thirteen. Maybe I'd had them before but didn't have a name for it yet, I don't know. But that's when I first remember them." Hux took a deep breath before he continued. "I was at school and I was concerned with some test that was coming up. I felt I hadn't studied enough and I feared what my father would do if I didn't pass. I stood by my locker and suddenly I couldn't breathe. I was taken to the nurse's station and as soon as it passed, they called my father in. The look of disgust on his face was unbearable. He took me home and he tried to beat the weakness out of me."

Ren pulled away and looked at Hux. "He beat you?"

"He didn't do it all the time. Only when it was necessary," Hux assured him.

"It's never necessary to beat a kid senseless, Hux. Especially your own kid! Fuck, if I ever meet your father-"

"Will you please let me finish?" Hux asked, cutting Ren off.

"Yeah, sorry," Ren replied as he made himself comfortable in Hux's arms again.

"The point is, Ren, it's never gone away. It's NEVER going to go away."

"Why does it happen?" Ren asked, sadness coloring his tone.

Hux took a deep breath. "Certain things make me think of the past or a situation makes me uncomfortable. There's a number of things that can trigger it." Hux sighed. "Last night, the song you played... I told you my mum sang it to me. It made me think of her. Of her funeral." He paused. "I'm sorry, Ren. I know you were trying to give a lovely gift to me and I ruined it."

"It's not your fault-"

"But it IS. I thought I had a handle on it. I hated being on medication, taking a bloody pill every day reminded me I was weak."

"Taking meds doesn't make you weak," Ren replied. "It means you're taking care of yourself."

Hux sighed. "I know, but that doesn't change that, that's how it feels. All of my life I've been told I was nothing but weak, pathetic, useless. And sometimes, I see it too."

Ren pulled away again and looked Hux in the eyes. "I wish you could see what I see." Tears began to form in Ren's eyes. "You're perfect, Hux! You're everything to me!"

Hux smiled and wiped a tear away from Ren's cheek. "You truly are the best thing that's ever happened to me."

********************************

The next day was Christmas Eve. Hux had the bakery open, but on very limited hours. Phasma had taken the day off, to spend time with her parents. After the shop closed, he and Ren were to go to Phasma's for dinner. Hux was excited. He hadn't seen Major Phasma in some time. He loved Phasma's parents dearly. They had become surrogate parents to him really. They had even given him the money to start the bakery! They truly saw him as a second child.

Ren was still asleep in bed when Hux got home. He grabbed his pillow and hit him over the head. "Hey!" Ren protested as he woke.

"You lazy arse, get up, we have dinner at Phasma's in a couple hours."

Ren dropped his face back into his pillow and grumbled something incoherent.

"What was that?" Hux asked as he began to change out of his work clothes.

Ren lifted his head and repeated in a whine, "I don't want to go."

"I don't care," Hux replied. "You're going. Now get up."

Ren glanced over at Hux and smiled. "Make me," he challenged.

Hux looked at him sternly. "I'm not playing, Ren. We are going. Now, get up."

Ren sighed. "Fine." He rolled out of bed and sat on the edge. "How was work?"

"It was fine," Hux answered as he pulled his shirt off over his head. "I'm going to take a shower. Do you need to as well?"

Ren looked at him with a wry smile. "I could just shower with you."

"I really don't think we have the time for that," Hux replied as he peeled his pants off. "I still have food to prep for dinner tonight."

Ren stood up. "Come on." He went to Hux and wrapped his arms around him. "It won't take long." He kissed Hux's neck and added in a whisper, "I promise."

Hux closed his eyes. "Ren, as delightful as that sounds, I'm really not in the mood right now-"

"I could change your mind," Ren replied as he continued to kiss Hux's neck and brought a hand down to massage Hux through his boxer briefs.

Hux moaned slightly. "Please, Ren. Not right now."

"Come on, baby," Ren cooed. "Why not?" He started sucking on Hux's collar bone.

"Oh, God, Ren!" Hux moaned out through shallow breaths. "We really don't have the time for this."

"Please?" Ren begged.

Hux opened his eyes and pushed Ren away gently. "No. I'm going to shower. You can join me if there are no shenanigans."

Ren laughed. "I better let you shower alone then." Ren peeled his shirt off to get dressed. Hux watched him for a moment. He studied Ren's falcon. He knew every inch of it so well by now.

"Ren, where did you get your tattoo done?" Hux asked as he grabbed a towel from the linen closet.

"A friend of Uncle Luke's did it. Why do you ask?" Ren pulled a clean t-shirt on over his head.

Hux shrugged. "I don't know, I was just... Oh, never mind." He headed for the bathroom.

"You were just what?" Ren asked as he followed him. He stood by the bathroom door, waiting for Hux's answer.

"I was kind of thinking of getting mine," Hux whispered as he turned the water on and began adjusting the temperature.

Ren smiled. "Wait, did you just say... Really?"

Hux shrugged. "I don't know, I've thought about it."

"If you want, after Christmas I can take you out to see Biggs. Just to take a look. You don't have to decide anything."

Hux nodded. "Maybe." He got into the shower and closed the curtain behind him.

"So, what are Phasma's parents like?" Ren asked over the sound of the running water.

"Her Mum is a very no-nonsense kind of woman," Hux answered. "But she is lovely. You'll get along well with her Dad, he's a very down-to-earth fellow."

"Cool," Ren replied flatly.

Hux peeked his head around the shower curtain. "You sound, oh, so thrilled."

Ren stood with his back against the door frame, his arms crossed. "I don't know, I just... I don't know."

Hux frowned. "You don't have to go if you REALLY don't want to."

"I know it's important to you that I do," Ren argued, glancing back up at Hux. He dropped his gaze to the floor as he added, "I've dragged YOU to enough family shit."

Hux pulled his head back in the shower. "Ren, it's alright if you don't want to do-"

"But you'll be disappointed!"

Hux shrugged to himself. "It's really not that big of a deal-"

"I just don't want to embarrass you!"

Hux shut off the water. He wasn't anywhere near done, but this was a very serious conversation. He opened the curtain and looked at Ren. "Why do you think you'd embarrass me?"

Ren refused to meet his gaze. "You said Phasma's parents are like, career military, and I'm... I'm not like that."

"Ren," Hux said soothingly as he stepped out of the shower and wrapped his towel around his waist. He tilted Ren's face to him, but Ren still refused to look him straight in the eye. "Acushla, George and Mary are like the parents I never had. They'll be happy I have someone like you. Someone who makes me happy."

"So, they're not gonna take one look at me and think you deserve better?"

Hux shook his head with a smile. "How can I do better when I have the best?" He kissed Ren tenderly.

Ren sighed. "I just... I don't know."

"Ren, will you look at me?" Ren met Hux's eyes. Hux put a hand on either side of Ren's face. "I'm glad that it means so much to you that I'm proud of you. Honestly, if I thought you would embarrass me in front of them, I'd ask you not to come." He kissed Ren's forehead. "I WANT you to go. I want them to see how truly happy you make me. You understand?"

Ren nodded. "Okay."

***************************

Hux could still tell Ren was nervous. He held his hand tightly as they walked through the front door. "Gwen! Rose!" Hux called as they walked in and closed the door behind them.

George Phasma stepped into the living room from the kitchen. "Armitage Hux!" he called out with a broad smile. George Phasma was a tall man. It was obvious to see where Phasma got her height from. George's once dark blonde hair, was now thinned and leaning toward a silver, but he still remained the same man Hux remembered as a child.

Hux embraced him. Having the Major's arms around him felt like coming home. "Major," he said with a smile as he pulled away, "this is my boyfriend, Ren. Ren, Major George Phasma."

"Just George is fine," he assured Ren as he shook his hand firmly. "Gwen's spoken much about you. Seems you make this one pretty damn happy."

Ren smiled. "I try, sir."

"George, please," he requested. Indicating to Hux with a nod of his head he added, "I never could break this one of the habit of calling me sir or Major."

Hux laughed. "Sorry, Major." George gently punched Hux's shoulder with a smile of his own.

"Come on, gents," he said as he wrapped an arm around Hux's shoulders. "Join us!" They made their way to the dinning room, where, Phasma was fussing over a lamb dish with her mother at her side and Rose was at the counter putting together a green salad.

"It's fine, Mama!" Phasma replied irritatedly.

"I'm just saying it could use a little parsley."

"And I'm just saying it's fine," Phasma repeated.

"Mary!" George called as they walked in. "Look what I've found!"

Phasma and her mother turned. Mary smiled and wiped her hands on her apron. "Armitage! My dear!" She went to him and threw her arms around him with such delight. She kissed both of his cheeks. "How are you, my love?"

"Well, Captain. And yourself."

Mary laughed. "Fine, fine." Looking at Ren with a mischievous smile she asked, "And who is THIS strapping young man?"

Ren cleared his throat. "I'm Ren, Hux's boyfriend." He offered his hand to Mary, who accepted it happily.

"So, this is the one Gwen has been talking about?"

"I have NOT been 'talking' about him," Phasma argued as she added the parsley her mother had insisted on. "I simply mentioned him a time or two when you asked about Hux."

Mary clicked her tongue as she waved her hand in the air, as though waving Phasma's comment away. "Now," she said as she linked arms with Ren and led him to the dinning table. "We want to know all about you."

George put an arm around Hux's shoulder. "How are things?"

"Things have been good. The bakery is doing very well. Again, thank you for all your help."

George shook his head. "Well, we believe in you, son. Glad it's still going well." He paused and then added in a quieter tone, "So, how did you come across this rascal?"

"He just walked into my life one day," Hux answered as he watched Ren with Mary. "Quite literally actually. He walked into the bakery one morning. It was rather frustrating to be completely honest. He's very headstrong and determined. If he wants something, he goes after it and won't relent until he's gotten a yes."

"Even when it comes to dating you, I see," George laughed. "And how's Millicent?"

Hux smiled. He was glad that George accepted Millicent as an important part of his life, even if she was 'just' a cat. His father had been quite the opposite in that regard.

He recalled the bloodhound his father had gotten for him for his tenth birthday. "Can I name him Tom?" Hux begged as he rolled around on the floor with his new pup.

Brendol scowled and shook his head. "That's not a suitable name for a dog. His name is Brutus. And you will train him to be a hunting dog. Is that understood?"

"Yes, sir," Hux laughed as Brutus licked his face.

He trained him to be a hunting dog as he was instructed, but he still allowed him to sleep in his bed when he knew his father was away. He even fed him table scraps and treats when his father wasn't looking.

He tried to push away the next memory that came at him, but it was too late.

Hux stood in front of his father's desk, looking down in shame as his father read over the letter, again and again. He finally dropped it on his desk and took his reading glasses off. "How dare you? Do you know what this means?!"

"I'm sorry, Colonel," Hux whispered.

Brendol came around his desk and backhanded his son. "How is it you're so pathetic, you couldn't even make it into the AMERICAN military school?! How am I going to tell my colleagues that you weren't accepted into Westpoint!?"

Hux looked up at him. "I only failed the entrance exam by one point, sir. I'll try again as soon as-"

Brendol cut him off with another slap across the face. "You WILL do better next time. Follow me."

Hux trailed behind his father, afraid of what punishment would come next. Would he have him do pushups until his arms couldn't take it any more? Have him stand naked under the showerhead with the water as hot as it would go? Or just force him into some hand-to-hand combat as in excuse to beat him?

Brendol went to his gun cabinet and took out his favorite rifle. "I'm going to remind you what happens when a Hux fails," he said as he loaded it. Hux stared in fear. Was he going to shoot him?! "Come," his father instructed. Hux followed as quickly as he could, his breathing becoming harder with every moment. Brendol went outside to the kennel.

"Father, you can't!" Hux yelled as he pointed the gun at Brutus.

He turned and pointed it at Hux. "Would you rather it be YOU on the other end?" Hux said nothing. He was too afraid. Brendol turned back to the dog and shot him between the eyes. Hux forced his breathing to slow. He would not show weakness in front of his father.

Brendol turned to him and with anger said, "If you didn't want me to take something away you loved, you should have passed that entrance exam! Now," Brendol stepped closer, his face right in front of Hux's, "go to your room and study for that bloody exam! You are NOT to come out until I say you can. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir," Hux whispered.

Brendol grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back, dropping Hux to his knees as he cried out in pain. "I said, 'DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?'!"

"Yes, sir!" Hux yelled.

Brendol let go of his arm. "Go!" Hux quickly stood and ran for his room. He closed the door behind him and flung himself on his bed. He buried his face in his pillow and sobbed for Brutus.

Hux cleared his throat. "Millicent is well," he answered. "Thank you. She seems to enjoy Ren's company as well."

"Well, animals are often good judges of character," George assured him.

"Beer?" Rose offered to each of them.

"Thank you," George and Hux both accepted the bottle they were handed. George took a sip. "So, Rose, when are you going to make an honest woman of my daughter?"

Hux choked on the drink he took. Rose laughed. "I actually haven't given it much thought, George. Maybe I'll discuss it with Gwen soon."

George laughed. "You know, of all of Gwen's partners, you're the one I've like the best."

Rose smiled ans her cheeks turned red. "Thank you, that's quite a compliment."

"Dinner is ready," Phasma finally called. They all gathered around the kitchen table to eat.

It was pleasant being with Phasma's parents again. Hux hadn't seen them in years and yet, it still didn't seem as though anything had changed. They were still as kind and loving as they always had been. After the meal, Hux stepped outside with George for a cigarette.

"I thought you'd quit," Hux mentioned as he accepted a fag from George.

George lit his and then handed his lighter to Hux. "I did. I started again." He laughed. He got very serious then. "I started up again, when Gwen got ovarian cancer. The stress and being so far away..."

Hux nodded as he lit his cigarette. He blew a line of smoke out. "I can only imagine. She's fortunate they caught it at such an early stage."

George nodded. "I think it really tore her up though. After remission, the doctors said she'd likely never bare children of her own." George took a drag. "She'll never admit it, but I think she always wanted to be a mother."

Hux nodded. "She'd make a wonderful mum."

George nodded in agreement. "Do you think she and Rose will settle down soon? Make it official, I mean."

Hux shrugged. "I couldn't say. I know Gwen loves her dearly, but their quite opposite in many ways."

George chuckled. "Like you and Ren?"

Hux smiled in return. "You caught that, did you?"

"Don't get me wrong," George said quickly. "You two make a fine match, he's just your opposite in many regards." He took another deep drag. "That boy sure does love you though."

Hux looked up. "What do you mean?"

George looked at him with a wry smile. "Armitage, please. The boy refused to leave your side. And the way he fawns over you, he's like a love-struck teenager."

Hux looked down. "He was very nervous about meeting you and the Captain."

"That's exactly what I mean!" George exclaimed. "He cares so much about you."

"He's rather young," Hux mentioned. "I'm his first boyfriend."

"So, you have more life experience than he does," George said with a shrug. "I never dated another woman before Mary."

Hux looked over at him in surprise. "I didn't know that."

George nodded. "And I've never felt I missed out on anything." He smiled. "You know how wonderful she is."

Hux nodded with his own grin. "That I do." He took another drag and then added. "I honestly thought she still hated me for Gwen's hair at Military Ball."

George laughed. "She was furious for days. But she knows you've been good for Gwen. Gwen didn't have many friends. She was very shy before she met you."

Now Hux laughed. "I find that hard to believe. Gwen has never been shy."

"That's why Mary and I liked that you were friends with her! You broke her out of her shell without even trying. She just felt comfortable with you, in a way she never had with anyone else. The two of you are soulmates really. Not romantically of course," George chuckled.

"Of course," Hux said. This however did make Hux think about what had happened two years ago, after he'd broken up with DJ.

Hux sat on Phasma's bed, downing another shot of vodka. "I walked in on them," Hux said for the umpteenth time. "I can't fucking believe him!"

"He's an arse hole," Phasma agreed. "You deserve better than him."

Hux had tears in his eyes. "I loved him, Phas," he whispered.

"You need to get drunk," Phasma added. "That way you can forget all about that twat."

Hux looked up at her. "I still love him. I don't know how to be without him, Gwen!"

Phasma filled his glass with more vodka. "Drink." Hux downed it and Phasma filled it again. "He was a horrible boyfriend. He never let you go out. He refused to let you spend time with me." Phasma drank from her own glass and then filled it. "I can't believe you stayed with him as long as you did."

Hux looked up at Phasma, tears in his eyes. "I love him. Even now, I know if I saw him, I'd ask him to take me back."

Phasma sighed and sat next to him. "Armie, he doesn't love you."

"Yes, he does!" Hux argued. "It was just a mistake. I want him back, so badly, Gwen!"

Phasma pulled him close to her and he sobbed into her chest. She stroked his hair as she whispered, "You are so much better off without him."

"I was going to ask him to marry me," Hux admitted. He pulled away. "I need to beg him to come back." He grabbed his phone.

Phasma grabbed it away from him. "No, you don't!" She stashed it away in one of her dresser drawers. "You need to drink more. THAT'S what you need." She poured him and herself another glass.

They continued to drink together, glass for glass, until the bottle was empty and neither of them could stand.

"Did I ever tell you, his name isn't even DJ?" Hux laughed.

"No," Phasma laughed in return.

"He goes by DJ because he's a doctor. Doctor Jeffreys!"

Phasma threw her head back and cackled like a maniac. "You're kidding me! What an arrogant twat!"

"Right?!" Hux agreed, wiping tears from his eyes from laughing so hard. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "You would never hurt me like he did." He lazily kissed her lips. "You've always been there for me."

Phasma stared into Hux's eyes. "Kiss me again," she begged in a whisper. Before Hux could stop himself, he pressed his lips to hers. He slid his tongue into her mouth almost immediately. Phasma accepted it, swirling her tongue around his.

Suddenly, Hux began undressing her and she undressed him in return. Both were too drunk to even care what this would do to them when they woke up.

The next morning, Hux was hung over, but he remembered what they had done. They both agreed to never talk about it again.

Back in the present, Hux and George finished their cigarettes and went back inside. Ren was sitting on the sofa with Mary, both drinking a glass of wine as she recounted a story of Hux and Phasma's youth. Phasma sat in the easy chair, with Rose in her lap.

Hux smiled at them, realising how perfect they seemed for one another. They all congregated in the living room together, drinking and talking until the hour grew late. "It was wonderful to see you after so long, Armitage," George said as he embraced him.

"You too, Major. It's been far too long."

"And it was lovely to meet you, Ren," George offered as he released Hux and shook Ren's hand.

Ren smiled as he accepted his hand. "It was a pleasure, George. It was nice to meet some of Hux's family for a change."

George smiled. "He IS family. Be good to him, Ren." He winked and then released his hand. "You boys have a happy Christmas!"

They finished their farewells and then headed home for the evening. Once they were back in their flat, Ren pulled Hux close to him and kissed him. "I hope you had a good night, babe," he whispered as he held him after closing the front door behind them.

"I did," Hux replied. "Did you?"

Ren smiled. "The best Christmas Eve I've had in years." He kissed Hux again. Hux wrapped his arms around Ren and let himself melt into the kiss. Ren finally pulled away and said, "We should head to bed. Santa Claus won't come if we're awake." He winked at Hux with his trademark mischievous smile to follow.

Hux laughed. "The only person I want coming tonight, is YOU," he whispered back. He pulled Ren in for another kiss

"Are you sure you want to tonight?" Ren asked through heated kisses. "I have BIG plans for you in the morning."

Hux chuckled. "I'm sure you do, but I don't see why we can't have some fun tonight as well."

"Want to try for under the kitchen table?" Ren asked teasingly.

Hux rolled his eyes. "No."

Ren pressed himself into Hux. "Come on, babe, I promise you'll enjoy it."

"Be that as it may, it's not happening."

Ren pouted. "Please?"

Hux brought his mouth to Ren's ear and gently grabbed it between his teeth. "No," he whispered once he let go of his ear. He pulled away, grabbed Ren's hand, and pulled him toward their room.

"Come on, not even as a special Christmas gift to me," Ren whined teasingly.

"No," Hux answered again as he pulled Ren to the bed with him and kissed him.

The request reminded him of his first Christmas with DJ. They were making out on their bed, Christmas morning. DJ pulled away and said, "I have something for you." He got up and brought a paper shopping bag out from the closet.

Hux looked at it in confusion. "What's this?" He couldn't imagine what might be inside, since the bag obviously advertised Victoria Secret.

"Open it up," DJ insisted. He could barely contain his excitement. Hux opened it and pulled out a pastel pink babydoll nightie with matching panties.

"Really?" Hux asked in disbelief.

"There's more," DJ encouraged. Hux looked inside and pulled out a garter belt and stockings that matched the rest.

"And what on Earth do you want me to do with this?" Hux joked.

"I want you to put it on," he answered.

Hux laughed. "Hilarious."

"I'm very serious, babe," DJ replied. "Put it on."

Hux shook his head with another laugh. "No, I'm not wearing lingerie. Forget it."

"I bought it for you," DJ insisted. "I want you to wear it. Think of it as a Christmas gift to me." He winked.

Hux sighed. "I don't feel comfortable wearing lingerie, DJ-"

"Do you know how expensive that was, you little shit?" DJ cut him off, his voice rising. "Put it on."

Hux continued to look him in the eyes. "I said I don't want to, DJ. I'm sorry. I just wouldn't feel comfortable-"

"I don't give a flying fuck! Someone gives you a gift, you use it! Now, put it on!"

"DJ," Hux whined.

"I said 'put it on'!"

Hux huffed, but he conceded and began to undress, so he could put on the lingerie. It was uncomfortable, obviously meant for a body curvier than his own. The material was soft and sheer, but he felt more exposed than he had ever been before. Once he'd managed to put it all on, he stood at the foot of the bed and presented himself to DJ, looking down in shame.

DJ hummed in approval. "Oh, yeah, babe, look at you. You're so cute and even innocent looking." He leaned in and whispered. "I'm gonna pretend like your my little virgin."

Hux refused to meet his gaze. "DJ, can we not play games right now? I don't feel comfortable dressed like this. Can't we just make love?" Hux leaned in to kiss him, but DJ shoved him down to the bed.

"I don't make love to whores." He fell on top of Hux, held his hands above his head, and started grinding into him. "I'm gonna fuck your little virgin asshole, and you're going to like it." He whispered in Hux's ear, "You're gonna scream my name and beg for more by the time I'm done with you."

Hux could tell DJ had already emersed himself into the scene he'd set up. But Hux didn't care for it. "Stars!" Hux shouted. The safe word they'd agreed upon some time ago. Hux had never felt a need to use it before, but he was far more uncomfortable now then he'd ever been. "Please, stars!"

"I don't think so," DJ said almost through a growl. He flipped Hux over with ease. Hux could feel a panic attack coming on. His breathing started to get shallower and he froze. He wanted to scream and kick his way free, but his body wouldn't let him.

DJ undid his pants and pressed his dick up against Hux's ass. The panties he wore did nothing to shield him from the feeling of DJ humping him. "Oh, yeah, babe, I'm not gonna even open you up first, I'm just gonna make you take this." He forced the panties down Hux's thighs, spit into his hand and covered his cock with his saliva before pressing himself in.

Hux shouted in pain. He tried to hold his tears back. He closed his eyes as DJ thrust into him over and over. Hux wished for him to come, so it would end. Once he finally did, he pulled out and laid on the bed next to him. He sighed in satisfaction. "That was great, wasn't it, babe?"

Hux kept his face turned away. "Yeah, it was great," he agreed falsely.

"Good, now go take a shower and get yourself out of that, you look ridiculous." Hux quickly obeyed, wanting and needing desperately to get away from DJ.

"You okay?" Ren asked, pulling him back to the moment.

Hux nodded. "I'm fine. Just happy to be with you." He kissed Ren again and then whispered, "Let's go to sleep, Agra. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted." He laughed. "And quite frankly, a bit tipsy."

Ren chuckled. "Okay." They both dressed for bed and crawled under the covers together. Hux held him tightly to his chest.

"Oíche maith," Hux whispered, as they both drifted off to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Day!  
> Ren's family has some unexpected guests that attend.

Ren woke before Hux. He had to if his plan was going to succeed. He quietly slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen. 'I am gonna make him the best damn breakfast he's ever had.' Ren went to work preparing the morning meal.

'I won't tell him I've been taking lessons from Finn,' Ren chuckled to himself. 'I'm going to let him think I've learned this all on my own.'

Ren hummed Christmas songs to himself as he made breakfast. 'I know it's simple, but it'll still be WAY better than the last time I made breakfast for him. Okay, eggs, some toast. Hehehe, NOW I know how to use the toaster correctly. Let's see, and pancakes! Yes! This is going to be the best breakfast he's ever had!'

Once Ren had finished making everything, he went back to their room to wake Hux. He climbed in next to him and put his arms around him. "Hux," he whispered in a sing-song tone. "It's time for you to wake up."

"Go away," Hux mumbled into his pillow.

"But, sweetheart, don't you want to see the AMAZING gift I got you?" Ren teased as he began kissing Hux's neck.

"Please tell me your gift is letting me sleep," Hux replied, still drowsily.

"Nope, it's much better than that." Ren then pulled away and shook Hux vigorously. "Come on, wake up!"

Hux pulled away. "My God, Ren, if I didn't know better, I'd assume you were a five-year old strictly based on your excitement for Christmas morning." Hux sat up and rubbed his eyes.

Ren clapped his hands excitedly. "Wait here!" He dashed off and when he came back in, he brought in breakfast on a raised breakfast tray. "This is present number one." He set the tray over Hux's lap. "Merry Christmas, babe." He kissed him and then went to bring in his own tray of food. He sat back down on the bed. "I made it myself."

"So, you're saying we should go out for breakfast," Hux teased.

Ren pushed him jokingly. "No, I'm saying I've gotten better." He took a bite of his eggs. "I also made the breakfast trays," he mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"Really?" Hux examined his tray closer. "This is marvelous work, Ren."

Ren shrugged. "It's okay. Glad you like it though." He took a bite of his pancakes. "Eat," he encouraged.

Hux smiled. "Alright, alright." He hesitantly took a bite of the scrambled eggs.

"Well?" Ren asked. He often searched for Hux's praise and approval.

Hux nodded. "Very good, Ren. Who have you been taking lessons from?"

Ren smiled. "I call her YouTube."

'Yes! Breakfast is good, not just edible, but good. And he liked the breakfast trays I made too. Just some basic carpentry work I learned from Dad, years ago. It's nothing special, but he likes them.'

Once they'd both finished eating, Hux leaned back. "That was delicious, Ren. Thank you."

Ren smiled. "But Christmas isn't done yet! Stay here," he instructed as he whisked away their trays. He came back into the room and said, "Okay. Do you trust me?"

Hux chuckled. "Implicitly."

"Good. Now, come here!" Hux got out of bed and went to Ren. He put his arms around him and nuzzled his face against Ren's.

"So, what's next, Acushla?"

Ren went behind Hux and covered his eyes with his hands. "You said you trust me. Okay? We're gonna go out to the living room now."

Hux laughed. "Alright." He blindly let Ren lead him out of their room and to the living room.

Ren stopped him when they were in the middle of the living room. "Okay, you ready?"

"Sure," Hux answered with a smile.

Ren pulled his hands away and shouted, "Merry Christmas!"

Hux was astounded by what he saw. The living room was covered in even more lights and colorful ornaments than it was before!

"How did you manage this?!" Hux asked as he turned in circles to look at everything.

Ren laughed boisterously. "You would not BELIEVE how early I had to wake up to get all of this done. And I know you said you didn't want to exchange more than maybe one or two small gifts, but I couldn't stop myself!" Ren grabbed his hand and led him to the tree, where there were, indeed, several gifts. Ren sat down and pulled Hux to the floor next to him. "Open this one first!" Ren grabbed a gift and shoved it into Hux's hands.

Hux looked at him and smiled. Ren looked so happy. "Ren, you didn't have to do all of this!" Hux assured him.

"I know, but I wanted to. Open it!"

Hux looked back down at the gift in his hands and began tearing up. Ren noticed immediately and his smile dropped. "Hux, are you okay? Oh, God! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Ren!" Hux interrupted him with a smile. "Thank you. This is... Wonderful. Really! I... I don't know what to say to all of this! I've... Never had anything, like this before. Thank you." He set the present aside and pulled Ren to him, holding him tightly to him. "I love you so much! Thank you!"

Ren returned the embrace. "I love you too, Hux. That's why I wanted to make today special for you." Ren pulled away. "Now, I REALLY want to see you open your presents!"

"I feel awful, Agra. I didn't get nearly as many gifts for you."

"I'm sure you'll find a way to make it up to me," Ren replied with a wink. "Now, open it!"

"Alright," Hux said as he dug into the wrapping paper. Underneath was a box. He opened it up and smiled. It was a keychain in the shape of a four-leaf clover. Written on it was 'Kiss me, I'm Irish'.

Hux smiled up at Ren. "That's cute. Thank you." He leaned toward him and whispered, "Kiss me." Ren obeyed happily.

But Ren quickly pulled away and said, "Okay, the next one!" He handed Hux a green and red bag. Hux dug through the white tissue paper.

"Socks, how thoughtful."

Ren giggled. "Well, I HAD to give you SOMETHING practical. And they're not just socks, they're CHRISTMAS socks. I love the ones with the reindeer personally."

Hux chuckled. "And I love YOU, Asthore."

Ren kept handing presents to Hux until he'd unwrapped them all. 'I love watching him unwrap gifts. I wish I could have gotten more for him! He deserves EVERYTHING!'

"Now, your turn, Agra," Hux said as he handed a present to Ren.

Ren smiled as he accepted it. He tore at the paper and was greeted by a book. "A book on falcons?"

Hux looked at the floor embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I know it's silly-"

"I love it!" Ren shouted as he pulled Hux to him and kissed him deeply. "It's so awesome! Thank you!"

Hux looked at him and smiled. "I'm glad you like it. There's one more." He reached down for the last present and handed it to Ren. "I know it's not much, but I hope you like it."

Ren smiled. "I'm sure I will." He pulled the wrapping away to reveal a picture frame. Inside was a picture of him and Hux. "How did you get this picture?" Ren asked in amazement. "This is a selfie on my phone!"

Hux chuckled. "Believe me, it was NOT a simple task."

"It's wonderful, babe. Thank you."

Hux smiled. "Ren, my darling, I love you, but, please, do NOT call me babe."

Ren chuckled. "But you love it."

"No, I really don't," Hux replied seriously.

"Oh," Ren's face fell. "I thought you were just joking. I'm sorry, babe, I mean! I'm sorry!"

Hux laughed. "It's alright. DJ used to call me babe. It just makes me think of him and I'd rather not."

"I'll never call you that again, I swear."

"I know, Agra, I know." Hux leaned over and kissed Ren. "I may have one more gift for you," he said with a devilish smile.

Ren raised his eyebrows in interest. "Oh, really? And what might that be?"

Hux kissed him again and then whispered, "Why don't you come back to bed with me and I'll show you."

'God, I love him! I could live in this moment for forever.' Ren stood up and pulled Hux to his feet. He kissed him and then followed him back to their room. 'I know sex isn't love and love isn't sex, but, I can't help but feel like, in these moments, that's when I can really express my love for him.' Ren kissed Hux deeply as he wrapped his arms around him. 'He means so much to me.'

Ren pulled away and looked Hux in the eyes. "I fucking love you," he whispered.

Hux smiled down at him. He kissed his chin and then along his jaw. "And I love you, Ren." He then whispered in his ear, "More than you could ever know."

'But I DO know Hux,' Ren thought to himself as he began kissing him again. 'Every time you touch me, it's like lightning through my entire body. I don't EVER want to be without you.'

***************************

That evening, they dressed for dinner at Ren's parents' place. 'I don't know why I'm nervous. I mean, it's just my family, it's not like we haven't done this before. We did Thanksgiving and that turned out okay. I don't know why I'm kind of freaking out right now!'

"Are you sure your parents aren't expecting us a little more dressed up than normal?" Hux asked as he pulled on one of his more casual button-ups.

Ren laughed. "With the way you dress, Gingerbread, you're always dressed up."

Hux glared at him jokingly. "Excuse me for taking a little pride in the way I look. We can't all be like you, dressing in the same clothes we had our freshman year of high school."

"Well, not all of us were brought up all fancy like you were," Ren countered as he pulled a plain charcoal gray shirt over his head. "Besides, I'm not that vain about how I look."

Hux paused at the middle button and looked at Ren. "Excuse me? What did you just say?"

Ren shrugged. "Did I stutter?"

"No, but I'm pretty sure I misheard you. Unless you really DID just call me vain."

Ren smiled. "And what if I did?"

"I am NOT vain, Ren. I simply like to make sure I'm presentable," Hux explained.

Ren shrugged again. "Color it how you like, it's still vanity."

"Are you suggesting I'm vain, Ren?" Hux nearly shouted.

Ren smiled mischievously. "Not at all! You simply take so much pride in your appearance, darling." He moved to Hux and gently smoothed down his hair. "But I can't say I blame you. I'd take pride in my appearance too if I looked like you."

"Careful, Ren," Hux teased as he wrapped his arms around him. "I might think that you're simply trying to seduce me in order to keep us from spending time with your family tonight."

Ren grinned. "Well, it's a good thing you know me better than that, Armitage."

Hux scowls at him. "I thought I made it perfectly clear you are NOT to use that name."

"My apologies, Gingerbread! It was just a slip of the tongue." Ren wink at him.

'I know where I'd LIKE to slip my tongue.'

"Oh, well," Hux replied with a shrug, "if it was only a SLIP, it must surely be forgiven, but if it happens again," he grabbed the collar of Ren's shirt and pulled him close, "well, you know how I handle matters such as this, don’t you, Ren?”

Ren smiled weakly. 'God, he's so hot when he gets all commanding like that.'

"Of course, Gingerbread. And I would gladly accept any punishment you felt was necessary," Ren replied as he leaned in to kiss Hux.

Hux pushed him back slightly. "Did I give you permission to do that, Ren?"

"Um, no? Please?"

"Surely, you can do better than that. Ask nicely."

'I thought that WAS nicely!'

“Um, can I kiss you, Hux? Please?” Hux cocked an eyebrow, silently asking if Ren REALLY thought that was enough. “I think about kissing you all day you know, especially when I see you at work. You look so delicious then, looking all smart and perfect. It makes me want to run my hands through your hair then kiss you until you’re gasping for breath in front of everyone else, show them you’re mine, and-"

"That's a lovely fantasy, Agra," Hux interrupted. "Thank you for sharing it, but I told you to ask for a kiss, and your answer to that is STILL unsatisfactory. Try again."

'His face may look all impassive and shit, but I can tell he's blushing, he can't hide that from me.'

"Hux, my darling, love, I would like to kiss you, if I may? Please?"

Hux's expression changed, as though he were now considering the request. 'Fuck, Hux! Come on!'

“Well, that is... Better than your previous attempts." He slowly looked Ren up and down, pausing for a brief moment at his lips.

‘Damn it Hux! Kiss me already!'

Hux laced his fingers into Ren's hair with one hand and pulled his head closer, but be stopped just before their lips came together and he whispered, "You’re going to have to show me just how sorry you are for what you did, aren’t you?”

Ren nodded his head quickly. "Yeah, I will." Hux then pressed his lips to Ren's, kissing him deeply.

'The whole, Hux being in control thing, is so fucking hot!'

Hux pulled away and said, "But for now, we need to get ready for dinner." He turned to walk away, but Ren grabbed him and pulled him to the bed with him, kissing him fervourishly. Hux pulled away and laughed, "Ren, we really need to get ready!" They rolled around on the bed together until Hux managed to pin Ren down. "I'd have thought after this morning, you would have had quite enough," he teased.

Ren smiled. "I can never get enough of you." He brought his head up and kissed Hux again. Hux kissed him back, but soon pulled away.

"Tonight, when we get home," Hux promised. "But you know my conditions. You better be on your BEST behavior tonight, if you want any of this." He gently ground his hips into Ren.

Ren closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, I think I can do that." He opened his eyes and looked at Hux and added. "I'll try."

"Don't TRY just DO it," Hux scolded. He kept grinding his hips into Ren as he spoke. "I know you can. You've behaved for me before. Do it again, for Daddy?"

Ren closed his eyes again. He nodded. "Yes, Daddy. I can do that."

"Good," Hux replied and then kissed Ren again. "Now, we need to get ready, we have to leave in fifteen minutes."

Ren sat up. "That's plenty of time-"

"When we get home," Hux reminded him pointedly.

Ren sighed heavily. "Fine," he pouted.

Hux grabbed his shirt collar. "What was that?"

Ren looked up into his eyes. "Yes, Daddy."

*******************************

Ren was glad they were arriving after everyone else had. He didn't want to socialize more than he had to. He knocked and then bounced on his heels, waiting for someone to answer. Hux grabbed his hand to steady him. "I don't know why you always get so nervous coming over here. No matter what, they're still your family."

Before Ren could reply, the front door opened. Luke smiled brightly. "Ren! Hux! How are my boys?!" He embraced both of them at the same time. "Come in! Come in!" He ushered them inside. "Ren, you will not BELIEVE who managed to make it out here this year!" Ren followed Luke into the kitchen.

"Aunty Amlyn!" Ren shouted. The tall, purple-haired woman turned and smiled.

"Benny-boo!" She opened her arms and he fell into them. He squeezed her tight and lifted her into the air, twirling her in a circle before he put her down.

"God! How long has it been?!" Ren couldn't take his eyes off of her.

Amlyn smiled and replied, "Too long, Boo. So, is this the boyfriend your mother's been telling me about?"

Ren cleared his throat. "Sorry, um, yeah, this is Hux, my boyfriend. This is my aunt Amlyn Holdo."

Amlyn extended her hand. "It's wonderful to meet you, Hux."

Hux accepted the handshake. "Amlyn Holdo? As in, DOCTOR Amlyn Holdo? THEE doctor without borders Doctor Amlyn Holdo?"

She smiled. "One in the same."

"I am enthralled by your work. I've followed your career for years with the deepest interest! This is an honor, Doctor Holdo."

"Please, just Amlyn here."

Hux realized he'd been shaking her hand far too long and finally released it. "I had no idea you were related to this lot."

Amlyn shook her head. "Not technically. Leia and I have been friends since before we could talk. I'm more of a God-mother and surrogate aunt."

"I can't believe you're really here!" Ren said excitedly as he wrapped his arms around her again.

"I missed you too, Boo."

Leia cleared her throat. "If you don't mind, Ben, I need your aunt to help finish the last bit of dinner."

Ren let go. "Sorry, Mom." He went to her and gave her a hug and a kiss. "We'll let you guys finish up. Anything we can do to help?"

"I think we've got it covered," Amlyn answered. "But I hear your fella is quite handy in the kitchen. If you wouldn't mind hanging out with us old hens for a bit, Hux?"

Hux went pale and his eyes widened. 'Oh, shit! He doesn't feel comfortable without me here. I gotta save him before he has another panic attack!'

Leia put a hand on Hux's shoulder. He looked at her, his face softening. "You're okay, Hux. You're safe here."

Hux smiled and nodded. "Thank you." To Amlyn he added, "Yes, I would be delighted to help if I can."

Luke linked arms with Ren. "We'll wait in the family room with everyone else." Luke dragged him away. Everyone was in the family room. Han and Poe were already drinking beers together. Rey and Jaina were nowhere to be found. Jacen and Finn sat at the coffee table playing cards with a dark haired man.

"Cassian?" Ren finally registered who he was.

He turned his dark brown eyes to Ren and gave him a kind smile.

'Damn, his smile is still as beautiful as I remember.'

"Hey, Benny," Cassian said. "We were just about to play another round of poker. Want to join us?"

"We're just playing with pretzel sticks," Finn assured him.

"Um, uh, no, that's, um, okay. Thanks."

Cassian shrugged. "Suit yourself."

'He's still breath-takingly gorgeous! God, if I weren't with Hux, I swear I'd... Fuck you, you big dumb idiot. You'd do no such thing. You followed him around like a lost puppy dog as a kid because you were in love with him, you just didn't know it at the time. Now, you're still that scrawny, little weirdo he thought you were back then. God, how does he do that to me? Make me feel like that same insecure little boy I once was. HE was the picture I imagined for years after I realized I was gay, whenever I took care of myself. How is he still so perfect?!'

"Boys, dinner's ready," Amlyn said to the room.

"Rey and Jaina out yet?" Han asked.

"Leia went to get them. Come on boys! Before it gets cold."

Everyone made their way to the dining room. Leia, Rey, and Jaina followed.

"Are you wearing make-up?" Jacen asked Jaina.

She smiled. "Yeah. Do you like it?"

Jacen just rolled his eyes in response as he sat down. Hux sat next to Ren and Jaina quickly took the seat on Hux's other side. "Hi, Hux!" she said with a smile, batting her darkened lashes at him.

"Hello, Princess," he replied. "You look lovely this evening."

She blushed as she looked down. "Thank you. I'm wearing make-up."

"You're beautiful without it as well, but you do look lovely."

"Thank you," she whispered. Jacen rolled his eyes again.

"Well," Leia pipped in, "let's say Grace. Amlyn, would you care to do so?"

"I'd be delighted to." As was typical, everyone grabbed hands, closed their eyes, and bowed their heads. Ren sat quietly this time and listened to the prayer. "Dear, God, we're truly grateful to be gathered this evening as family, to celebrate the birth of Thy son. We ask only that You might continue to guide us and be with us in all things. Thank You for all You have done, Father. Amen."

"Amen," everyone repeated.

"So, Benny," Cassian said from across the table. "Who's your friend?"

Ren kept his head down. 'I can't look at him. He's still so hot!'

"This is my boyfriend, Hux. Hux, this is my cousin Cassian."

Hux nodded at Cassian. "It's wonderful to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too," Cassian replied as he passed mashed potatoes to Luke.

"By the way, Jacen, you did a wonderful job in the Nativity the other day," Hux said as he added green beans to his plate and passed it to Jaina.

Jacen rolled his eyes again. "Whatever. Mom, can I be excused?"

"No," Han answered. "You're gonna sit there and have dinner with the rest of us."

Jacen leaned back in his chair and moved his food on his plate. "I'm not hungry."

"Then sit there quietly and wait until everyone else is done," Han replied.

'Shit, I don't think I've ever seen Dad talk to Jacen like that. He's the "golden child" after all.'

"How did all of your finals go, Ben?" Leia asked, changing the subject.

"Fine. Got passing grades. I have to keep my GPA up if I want to qualify for the engineering conference."

"What engineering conference?" Hux asked.

"Oh, it's a thing a lot of the universities here do. They pick three students from the engineering program to tour Boeing for a week and work side by side with some of their best engineers. It's a once in a life time opportunity," Ren explained.

"Sounds exciting," Hux replied as he sipped his wine.

"You all registered for next quarter?" Han asked.

"Uh, yeah, got it all squared away," Ren answered.

'I haven't actually decided if I want to do this coming quarter. I think I need a break, and then I can spend more time with Hux. But I want to get school done too. I just don't know.' Hux grabbed Ren's hand and gave him a concerned look. Ren smiled back at him. 'It's kind of amazing that we're at a point where we can talk to each other without saying a word.'

Dinner was nice. Everyone was, not just civil, but warm. After dinner Jacen disappeared to his room while Cassian and Finn went back to the family room for a few more hands of poker. Poe joined them. Everyone else began cleaning up.

"No," Amlyn insisted to Ren when he began picking up the dishes. "You go catch up with Cassian!" She pushed him toward the family room.

"Okay," Ren said. He grabbed Hux's hand and dragged him toward the family room.

'I really don't want to spend any time with Cassian. I don't know if I could keep down an erection talking to him.'

"You know, your cousin is very attractive," Hux casually mentioned.

Ren stopped in the middle of the hallway and looked at him. "Well, like Amlyn said, she's not really related. And Cass is actually adopted any way."

Hux chuckled. "Well, in that case, you have my permission to fuck him, if I can at least watch."

Ren stood there, mouth gaping. 'Did he really... Is he serious?!' Hux moved on passed Ren to the family room.

"You boys decide to join us after all?" Poe said excitedly.

"Maybe a hand or two," Hux answered as he joined them around the coffee table.

"I'll sit out," Ren added as he sat on the couch uncomfortably.

"You alright, Benny?" Cassian asked. "You don't look like you're feeling well."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Ren answered refusing to look at Cassian.

"Hey, we should probably grab the gifts from the house," Finn mentioned.

"Oh yeah," Poe replied as he got up. "We'll be right back." He and Finn disappeared out the back door.

"Guess it's just you and me," Cassian said with a smile.

"Ren, why don't you join us?" Hux offered.

"I'm fine, thanks," Ren answered.

Cassian chuckled. "I bet he'd join us if we played 'strip' poker."

Hux glanced at Ren with an evil smile. "Oh, I'm sure he'd enjoy that. I know I would. If for no other reason than I could show off my sexy body." He winked at Cassian.

'He's had way too much to drink.'

Cassian laughed. "I'd hate for Benny to get jealous at you showing me your washer board abs."

"I'm gonna get some water," Ren said standing up.

Hux gave him a genuine smile. "We'll be here."

Ren went down the hall toward the kitchen. 'Fuck, I know Cassian is hot, you don't have to keep rubbing it in my face.' Ren stopped half-way down the hall. 'Wait. What if they start making out while I’m gone?! Don't be stupid, Hux wouldn't do that. But I don't know that Cassian wouldn't. I don't even know if Cass is gay or straight! I mean, it's been years since I saw him and I was a kid. Hell, I didn't even know that I was gay at the time. Fuck!’ Ren made his way back to the family room.

Both Hux and Cassian looked up at Ren as he entered the room. "That didn't take you long," Hux observed. "I thought you were getting a drink."

'Shit, that's right.'

"Um, I decided I wasn't thirsty after all." Ren sat back down on the couch.

"You sure you're okay, Benny?" Cassian asked. "You don't look like you're feeling well."

"I'm fine," Ren answered.

Finn and Poe came in just then. "Got the presents!" Poe announced. "Your mom wants them in the living room, right?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah, probably."

Poe and Finn took the presents out to the living room and then came back. "Leia said we'll do gifts in a bit," Poe announced.

"How many minutes are in a 'bit'?" Finn jokingly questioned.

"Hopefully enough for a few more rounds of poker," Poe answered as he sat down. "Who's in?"

Ren grabbed Hux's hand. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He pulled him out of the family room and down the hall, heading for his old bedroom. Ren closed the door behind him.

"Yes, Ren?" Hux asked in amused uncertainty.

Ren wrapped his arms tightly around Hux's waist. "You're mine and I'm yours," he whispered as he kissed him and then started kissing his neck.

Hux chuckled. "Yes, that's how relationships work."

"Good," Ren replied as he made his way down to the hollow of Hux's throat. He began unbuttoning Hux's shirt.

"May I remind you that your entire family is out there, and you aren’t exactly quiet when we-" Ren cut him off with another kiss and and then pushed him onto the bed. Hux gave him a warning look. "We are NOT doing this right now, Ren."

Ren grinned. "Why not? I’ll be quiet," he replied as he crawled on top of Hux, straddling his lap.

Hux scoffed. "I don't think you know HOW to be."

Ren rolled his eyes. "You're not much quieter," he argued.

"I can be quiet."

"Prove it!" Ren dove in and began kissing his neck again.

Hux tipped his head back, but said, "You are not going to goad me into having sex with you right now!"

Ren chuckled between wet kisses against Hux's skin. “So you’re saying you CAN'T be quiet then?”

“That’s not what I said at ALL and you know it!” Hux pushed Ren up and sat up himself.

Ren just smirked. “You’re so cute when you get annoyed, like, your face goes all red and adorable and you frown and it’s the cutest thing ever-“

“I am not ‘cute’," Hux argued, "and I do NOT blush!”

"You ARE cute, sweetie pie," Ren cooed as he tucked hair behind Hux's ear. "You're practically irresistible, really!" Ren started grinding his hips into him. "Want me to invite my cousin? It'd be a special Christmas gift just for you." He kissed his neck again.

"THAT'S what this is about?!"

Ren chuckled. “Well, YOU'RE the one that’s been flirting with him since we got here." He gently bit down on Hux's neck.

“Ah! I wasn’t, Oh! Flirting with him, I was only, uh! Trying to get you, ah! Worked up!” Hux manged out as Ren continued sucking and biting his neck.

'Well, it worked pretty damn well.’ 

“That's too bad, guess you’ll have to try harder next time then, if you want that, sweetheart,” he replied as he continued working on his neck and grinding into him at the same time.

“It seems it worked, ah! Pretty well this time around, Oh!” Hux moaned as Ren finished unbuttoning his shirt. "Tell me you locked the door this time," Hux manged to gasp out.

"I'm not making THAT mistake again," Ren assures him.

"Okay," Hux agrees, "but you BETTER be quiet."

Ren smiled as he began undoing Hux's pants. "Of course I CAN be, but I don't know if I WANT to be."

Through heavy breaths, Hux replied, “If you’re not quiet, and everyone out there finds out, I won’t let you near me for a month! I swear it, Ren!”

'Like HE could go that long without it. Yeah, right.'

“So, you don’t want to hear me screaming your name? You don’t want everyone to know just who I belong to?” he whispered seductively, making his way to Hux's jawline and kissing him.

'I wonder just how much I can tease him before he just flips me over and pins me down?'

"I think it's quite clear to everyone EXACTLY who I belong to." Hux closed his eyes and moaned again.

Suddenly the door opened. They both glanced over to see Jaina standing there, wide eyed.

"What the fuck!" Ren shouted as he rolled off of Hux.

"I knocked, but you didn't answer," Jaina quickly answered. "Um, Mom says it's time to do presents." She turned and ran out.

"I thought you said you locked the door!" Hux yelled.

Ren looked down sheepishly. "I may have forgot."

“You UTTER moron!” Hux exclaimed. He tried to look serious but he couldn't keep himself from laughing, the look on Jaina’s face was too priceless to feel embarrassed. “Go lock it now then!”

“What? But we have to go out for presents!”

“Presents can wait!" Hux shouted. "You’re not allowed to tease me like that, and not expect me to have you!"

Ren smiled evilly. “You really don’t want to keep my mom waiting, especially on Christmas, do you?”

“Fine," Hux huffed as he began buttoning his shirt and pants. "But as soon as we’re done with that, we’re coming back in here and THIS TIME you’re going to lock the damn door!"

Ren chuckled. "Whatever you say, Gingerbread." He leaned over to kiss him, but Hux moved away.

"You are NOT allowed to kiss me right now." He started mumbling something in Gaelic. He stood up and adjusted himself. "Let's go."

"Oh, sweet cakes," Ren protested as he reached for him.

"Do not touch me," Hux said with a smile. "You, you, arse." Hux left the room and Ren followed.

Everyone was gathered in the living room. It was chaotic and beautiful. Leia was handing out gifts while Han stood by the doorway drinking a beer.

Suddenly, a large, hairy, brown dog came over and began sniffing Hux's leg. He nearly jumped out of his skin as he stepped behind Ren for protection. "What IS that thing?!"

Ren laughed. "It's a dog."

"THAT is NOT a dog," Leia commented. "That's a walking carpet."

"I agree with your mother."

"You'll hurt Chewie's feelings if you keep talking about him like that," Han added.

"That's Chewie, Dad's dog," Ren explained. "Usually he stays out in the workshop when we have company over."

"Perhaps he should stay there," Hux said in fear.

"He won't hurt ya," Han encouraged. "Speaking of which, why don't you boys come out to the workshop with me. I've got something in there for you."

"We'll wait for you before we do anymore gifts," Leia said with a smile.

Hux whispered to Ren, "He's just taking us out there to kill us, isn't he?"

Ren laughed. "Nah, not on Christmas." He grabbed Hux's hand and followed Han out to his workshop in the garage.

Han turned on the light as they stepped in. "Well, whatdaya think?" He asked as he indicated a large hand-crafted bookshelf. "Ben told me you were a bit of a book guy."

Hux stepped forward and examined it in awe. "It's beautiful. The workmanship, it's really unlike anything I've ever seen!"

"You make it, Dad?" Ren asked.

Han nodded. "I got Jacen to help a bit with it too, so, it's from the both if us really."

Hux examined it closer. "It's fantastic." He looked back at Han. "I really don't think I could accept it. I'm certain it wasn't inexpensive."

Han brushed his hand in the air. "It wasn't much. And you better accepted, I ain't got any use for it."

Hux seemed to be having a hard time finding the right words. "Thank you."

"I'll borrow a truck from one of the guys when we get back to work," Han replied. "Bring it over then. Now, let's get back inside, everyone is waiting on us." They made their way back in.

'Wow, Dad REALLY is trying. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on him. I don't know, I mean, he DID kick me out and he DID say he never wanted me.' Ren shook his head. 'I'm just not gonna worry about it right now.'

"Great! You guys are back!" Luke exclaimed. "Alright, my turn!" Luke began handing gifts out. "I made something for everyone this year."

Everyone opened their gifts from Luke. 'A dream catcher?' Ren thought as he opened his. 'Nice! And since Luke made it, it's got all of his energy imbued in it, that'll make it work even better.'

Hux opened his to discover a blue and purple bracelet. "That's amethyst and turquoise," Luke explained. "The amethyst stone is a natural stress reliever and helps dispel negative energies. The turquoise is a purification stone. It stabilizes mood swings and instills an inner calm." Luke added in a whisper. "I know they've helped with MY anxiety attacks. I hope they'll help with yours too."

Before Hux could say anything in reply, Luke was already off, talking to someone else.

Gifts were exchanged until every present had been opened. "Thank you everyone, for a lovely Christmas," Leia said as she sat down with a glass of wine. "Ben, honey, would you mind playing a few songs for us on the piano."

Ren groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Hey, we paid for your piano lessons, least you could do is grace us with a song or two for Christmas," Han said with a smile.

'He DOES have a point.'

"I haven't played in forever," Ren argued.

"Don't lie, you've played for me several times since you moved in," Hux casually replied as he sipped some more wine.

Ren glared at him playfully. "Don't encourage them," he mumbled under his breath.

"Come on, Benny, play for us!" Cassian called out.

Everyone else pipped in with agreement. "Fine," Ren answered in defeat. He sat down at the piano. He took a deep breath. "Any requests?"

"How about The Christmas Song?" Rey asked.

Faking a whisper, Poe replied, "I think they're all Christmas songs."

Rey elbowed him playfully. "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, jerk."

Ren took a moment to think about. "Okay, I think I remember how it goes." He played a few practice notes, trying to find the right place to start. He finally settled in and began playing. Even without the words, it was a beautiful song. Everyone applauded when the song ended. Ren turned to move off of the piano bench, but Amlyn sat next to him.

"Do you remember our duet of O Holy Night?"

Ren smiled at her. "It's been a long time, but I think so." Amlyn put her fingers on the keys as well and they began playing together. Again, everyone applauded.

"That's a beautiful rendition," Hux mentioned.

Amlyn smiled. "Thank you, Hux. Boo and I arranged it years ago."

"Really? You both wrote it?"

Ren shrugged. "We just ARRANGED it, someone already did the leg-work for us." Ren stood up.

"It was amazing, Asthore," Hux whispered as he kissed Ren sweetly.

Ren smiled to himself. 'He's either REALLY drunk, or he's getting much more comfortable with PDA.'

Hux sat on one end of the couch and Ren sat on the floor in front of him. Jaina took this as an invitation to sit next to Hux and Chewie took this as an invitation to sit next to Ren. Ren scratched his ears absent-mindedly as he listened to the flow of conversation. Chewie seemed quite comfortable with Ren, so he laid down and nestled his head in his lap. Slowly, Chewie started crawling farther into his lap, until he was completely sprawled across Ren's legs.

Ren tried to shove him away. "Chewie, you're heavy, get off." But Chewie just made himself more comfortable. "Someone want to help me get this beast off of me?"

"You got yourself into that mess when you started discreetly feeding him table scraps at dinner," Han said. Ren looked over at him in surprise. "Yeah, I noticed."

'How did he see that?! Was he just watching me the entire time?’

Jaina leaned over to Hux and whispered something to him. Hux laughed loudly. "What?" Ren asked.

"Oh," Hux answered, "I simply agree with her, that you're a bit of a fool for letting him lay in your lap in the first place."

"Hey, wait a second here! You’re supposed to be on my side! Besides, it’s not my fault he decided to lie here!” 

Hux smiled down at him. “Agra, you know I’m on your side, however it IS amusing that you’ve gotten yourself into this predicament." Hux reached out and stroked Ren's hair as though HE were the dog. Ren, jokingly batted him away.

Hux looked at Jaina and added, "He has a tendency to do that you know? Getting himself into situations he could have EASILY avoided if he'd just used his head." 

Ren glared at him, but with a smile. 'I don't think I could ever REALLY get mad at him ever.'

Jaina giggled and then whispered to Hux again. "Oh, yes, he’s done that too, about six times or so, I'd say."

“What have I done six times?!” Ren demanded to know.

Hux just smiled at him. "Oh, I think you know what I mean." He then winked at Ren and laughed.

'What is he talking about?! He better not be talking to my little sister about our sex lives! Don't be stupid, Ren, Hux wouldn't do that.' Ren paused. 'Wait, does he have his arm around Jaina's shoulders? That's so adorable! And WEIRD. I really don't know how I feel about that.'

The night grew late enough that Rey, Poe, and Finn eventually went home. "Where are you guys staying while you're in town?" Ren asked Amlyn.

"Just here with Han and Leia," Amlyn answered. "I'm staying in the guest room. Cassy is in your old room."

'Cass is sleeping in MY old bed! Oh fuck, I'm gonna avoid thinking about that.'

"Looks like you've got a sleeper on your hands," Amlyn pointed at Jaina who had fallen asleep next to Hux.

Hux looked down at her with a smile. He brushed the hair out of her face. "She is such a sweet young lady." Hux looked over at Han. "Would you like me to carry her to bed, sir?"

"Sure, if you think you can pick her up."

Hux very, quietly and gracefully got up from the couch and pulled Jaina into his arms. "Her room, sir?"

"This way," Han preceded him down the hall.

"Your fella has some arms on him," Cassian commented.

'Fuck yeah, he does! Damn! If he'd been carrying something else, I'd be WAY more turned on than I am now.'

Hux and Han came back into the living room. "We should probably be going as well," Hux said.

"Yeah," Ren agreed as he stood up. He made his rounds to each of his family members for a hug and a goodbye. Hux trailed behind him, receiving these awkward hugs as well. They said their goodbyes and headed home.

"I hope you've had a good Christmas," Ren said to Hux as they entered their apartment.

"It truly was wonderful, Asthore," Hux replied as he kissed him. "Thank you, for everything." He paused for a moment and then asked, "Why did you tell Luke?"


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux and Ren get into an argument. Hux gets his first tattoo and they go to Luke's to visit their spirit guides. New Years Eve comes along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the gaslight tag comes in. I know we all think Mitaka is the official First Order cinnomon roll, but I warn you, he's not the nicest of people here. Enjoy!

Ren looked at Hux in confusion. "Tell Luke what?"

"Never mind," Hux grumbled as he let go of Ren and went to their room.

"Tell him what?" Ren asked again as he followed Hux.

"About my anxiety," Hux replied, a little upset. He turned to Ren. "Why do you need to tell the whole bloody world? It's bad enough you had to involve Leia. Now, Luke knows too!"

"I called Mom because I was scared," Ren explained crossing his arms across his chest. "I didn't know what to fucking do! You can't be pissed at me for that."

"That doesn't mean you had to blab to Luke about it!"

"Fuck, Hux, I was trying to help. Mom said Luke had panic attacks too-"

"You didn't have to tell him it was ME!"

"Well, SORRY for trying to be a good boyfriend and help you with it!" Ren said angrily, throwing his hands in the air. "If you don’t want my help I won’t give it!” He began undressing for bed.

Hux took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "That's NOT what I meant, Ren-"

"Then what DID you mean!?"

"Would you just shut up for one God Damn minute and listen?! I don't want EVERYONE we know to know about my anxiety, alright?! It's personal and private and no one else's bloody business!" he yelled back, suddenly using his Irish accent.

Ren scoffed. “Oh, sure, when YOU get all upset I have to 'shut up about it', but whenever I have that, you’re fine to go and bitch to Phasma about it!?” 

Hux got up in Ren's face, shoving him against the wall. “I 'ave NEVER, and WOULD never, talk about anything THAT personal to you with ANYONE, without YOUR consent, Ren!" He moved away and also began to undress for bed. "Sorry for wanting the same damn respect!”

"Bull shit!" Ren said as he pushed himself from the wall. "You tell Phasma EVERYTHING!"

Hux rolled his eyes. He knew it was true though. There were no secrets between them. But if Ren had ever shared something so private and personal with him, he knew he wouldn't share it with Phasma

"Besides," Ren went on, "your anxiety isn't that big of a deal, Hux, fucking get over yourself!"

"Not that big of a deal?!" Hux yelled, turning back to Ren. "Fuck you, Ren! You 'ave no idea 'ow 'big of a deal' it is! I fucking 'ate it!" Hux began crying. He hated getting emotional like this, but it couldn't be helped. "I don't need all of our friends and family knowing I'm weak!"

Ren rolled his eyes. "Get over yourself, Hux."

"You don’t UNDERSTAND, Ren!" Hux shouted through sobs. "You don’t know, and never WILL know 'ow fucking TERRIFYING it is! 'ow it feels like your body isn’t your own! 'ow it paralyses you, crushes your chest so you can’t breathe, makes you feel so bloody PATHETIC and so USELESS you want to just 'ide away forever and never speak to anyone again because you don’t feel WORTHY of 'uman interaction; So, 'ow about you go fuck yourself!”

Ren stopped. He didn't seem to know what to say. When he was finally able to form words again, he said, "Hux, I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Fuck off! And leave me alone!" he shoved past Ren and went to the living room. Ren followed him out.

"Hux, I... I'm so, sor-"

Hux turned to him and with angry tears, started beating against his chest with his fists. Ren stood there and took it. "Why won't you leave me the fuck alone!?" Hux sobbed. He stopped moving and Ren wrapped his arms around him.

Ren cradled Hux's head against his chest, shushing him, and stroking his hair. "I had no idea it would bother you so much. I'm sorry."

"I feel so bloody pathetic!" Hux sobbed through clenched teeth. "I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so broken!"

Ren shook his head. "You're gonna be okay. I got you." After standing there together a short while, Ren finally spoke again. "Let's go to bed." Hux nodded.

Ren led Hux back to their room and they laid down together. Ren held Hux close, with Hux burying his face in Ren's chest. "I'm sorry, Hux," Ren said again. "I had no idea what it felt like to you. I'm so sorry."

"I've never tried to put it into words before," Hux replied. "I can't breathe and my mind starts going every which way." He was back to using his usual English accent. "I think about everything and nothing and it grasps my chest with fear. I don't expect you to understand it, Ren."

Ren sighed. "You're right, I can't understand, but that doesn't mean I have to act like it's nothing. It's very real to you. I need to respect that." He paused. "I'm sorry I told Luke about it. I shouldn't have said anything, I just wanted to help."

Hux listened quietly as Ren continued apologising and reiterating why he'd done anything he'd done. Hux fell asleep, listening to his voice.

**********************************************

Hux woke the next morning, feeling like shit. He looked over at Ren who was snoring with his mouth open and drooling on the pillow. Hux sighed. He was still angry that Ren had had the audacity to tell Luke about his panic attacks. Though, there was nothing to be done about it now. He just hated having anyone think he was infallible. His father had instilled in him a need to be completely perfect in everything he did.

"8:05, I said run a mile in UNDER eight minutes!" Brendol yelled.

Hux bent over, putting his hands on his knees and breathing hard. "I'm trying, sir."

"Well, try harder! Again!"

Hux straightened up. "Colonel, I've already done it three times," Hux said through heavy breaths. "Can't I take a moment to rest?"

"If you want to be weak," Brendol answered. "Now, start again!" Hux took off running, pushing himself to the point of exhaustion, simply to please his father's demands.

Ren had woken up at some point while Hux was lost in his thoughts. He reached over and grabbed Hux's hand, smiling at him. "Morning."

"Morning," Hux replied. "Sleep well?"

Ren nodded. "You?"

Hux nodded in return. "Yes."

They both were silent for a moment. "I'm sorry," Ren whispered.

Hux looked over at him. "For what?"

"Telling Luke."

Hux rolled his eyes. "Are you still on about that? Don't fret over it. It's done."

"I'm still sorry," Ren said as he pushed himself from the bed, sitting up on his elbows. "I want to make it up to you. I SHOULD make it up to you. I'm so sorry."

Hux sat up. "Ren, it's alright. You've apologized enough. I just need you to understand how hard this is for me. I'm not ashamed of it, I just don't want to broadcast it to the whole Damn world. But it's fine. I promise." He leaned over and kissed Ren on the top of his head.

"I won't ever say anything to anyone else ever, I promise. Unless you tell me I can," Ren replied.

Hux smiled. "I know, Agra."

Ren's well known, wicked smile, crossed his lips. "I'd still like to make it up to you," he whispered as he crawled over to Hux and began kissing him. He then quickly moved to his neck.

Hux chuckled, "Asthore, that's really not necessary."

"I know," Ren managed to mumble through his kissing and sucking on Hux's neck.

Hux closed his eyes. "You're going to leave a mark," Hux whined.

Ren chuckled. "I know," he repeated.

Hux moaned. "Oh, God, Ren. How is it you can completely make me undone like this?"

Ren pulled away just barely. "Want me to stop?" he asked, brushing his lips gently against Hux's skin when he spoke.

"Good, God, no!" Ren laughed evilly and went back to Hux's neck. Hux buried his fingers in Ren's long dark hair as he groaned in pleasure. "Ren, I fucking love you," he moaned out.

"I know," Ren said again as he placed kisses down Hux's neck to his chest. He put one of his nipples in his mouth and started sucking, pulling another long moan from Hux's lips.

"Stop teasing me, Ren, I want my dick in your mouth!"

Ren pulled his lips away and looking up at Hux with a coy expression replied, "Be patient. I want you to enjoy the ride." He started trailing kisses down Hux's chest to his stomach and began leaving marks there as well.

Hux laughed. "You enjoy that far too much."

"What?" Ren asked as innocently as possible.

"Marking me the way you do."

Ren chuckled. "I just like to let people know what's mine." He went back to kissing and sucking all along Hux's stomach. It wasn't the most erogenous area, but feeling Ren's lips pressed against his skin anywhere made him weak.

Ren grabbed the top of Hux's pyjama pants and pulled them down, freeing his hard cock. Ren nuzzled it for a moment before he started kissing Hux's thigh. Hux opened eyes and stared up at the ceiling. "It's, uh, hard to imagine that, ah, three months ago, you, oh, had never done this... Before."

Ren's lips curled into a smile as he continued kissing and sucking on Hux's skin. Hux could feel tears forming in the corners of his eyes, he was filled with such ecstacy. "God, Ren! I love you!"

Ren's only response was to lick the underside of his cock as he cupped his balls in his hands. Hux arched into it and then Ren took him in his mouth, drawing more gasps of breath from Hux. Ren took it slow at first, dragging his teeth gently along his length as he pulled up and then sucking down hard as he went back down, taking in as much of him as he could.

It didn't take long for Ren to pick up the pace and for Hux to start thrusting in as well. "Oh, God, Ren! Fuck! I'm gonna come!" he shouted, only seconds before he released himself into Ren's mouth. Ren swallowed it down and then crawled back up, so he was now hovering over Hux.

"How do you want to finish?" Hux asked, still coming down from his orgasm.

"Um, I don't know-"

Hux grabbed his dick through the front of his boxers and started jerking him off slowly. "Whatever you want, love. Anything. I'm yours. What do you want me to do?"

Ren closed his eyes. "This is pretty good," he managed to answer through heavy breaths.

"Tell me how much you love me," Hux whispered, as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Ren's.

"I love you so much, Hux," he replied through his kisses. "You mean the world to me." Hux started kissing his Adam's apple and started stroking him harder and faster.

"Don't stop there," he whispered as he continued kissing and sucking on Ren's neck.

"I can't imagine my life without you," Ren groaned out as he started thrusting into Hux's fist. "You're everything to me! Oh! God! Hux! Ah! Marry me!" he shouted as he came.

Hux had intended on milking him through his orgasm, but he stopped as soon as he heard those words. Once Ren had come down from his climax, he opened his eyes and looked down at Hux. "Did You just say-"

"Yeah, I did," Ren answered. He was apparently just as surprised as Hux was.

Hux furrowed his brows as though he were trying to figure Ren out. "Are you serious?"

"I... I... I don't know," Ren replied as he sat back on his heels.

Hux sat up. "So, you're saying you DON'T want to get married?" he asked as he grabbed a dirty shirt from his clothes hamper and cleaned his chest and stomach.

"No, I didn't say that."

"So, you're saying you DO?"

"I didn't say that either! God, Hux, stop putting words in my mouth!" Ren shouted as he tucked himself back into his boxers.

"I'm not!" Hux shouted back. "YOU'RE the one who said it, not me." He paused there as he got up from the bed and put his robe on. "So, do you want to get married?"

Ren sat on the edge of the bed and sighed. He ran his fingers through his hair and then looked at Hux to ask, "Do you?"

Hux shook his head. "That's not how this is going to work. I want to know, do YOU want to get married."

Ren wrapped his arms around himself. "I don't know. I guess-"

"You guess?"

"Fuck, Hux!" Ren shouted as he stood, throwing his hands in the air. "I don't know. I mean, I do. I fucking love you! I just..." He grew silent. He turned to Hux and continued, "Fuck it. Hux, I love you. Yes, I want to get married." He went to Hux and grabbed his hands. "Marry me?"

Hux could feel his breath catch and his heart race, but not in a comfortable way. "I need a drink," Hux said as he pushed past Ren toward the living room.

"What the Hell?" Ren followed him. Hux made his way to the kitchen and got out his bottle of Irish whiskey. Ren was right on his heel. "I ask you to marry me and you have to get a drink?!"

Hux poured himself a drink and downed it quickly. "This is NOT how I saw this morning going." He downed another glassful as well.

Tears were forming in Ren's eyes. "Are you saying 'no'?"

Hux was silent in his thoughts. "Don't you think this is a bit soon?"

"No," Ren answered simply.

"We've barely been together three months!"

"Who gives a damn about how long we've been together!?" Ren went to Hux and grabbed his hands. "I love you. And you love me. Isn't that enough?" Ren asked as he he reached up and stroked Hux's cheek.

Hux pulled away from the touch and then looked back at Ren very seriously. "It's only been three months," Hux stated again.

"So, what?" Ren asked pleadingly.

"Ren, I was with DJ for three YEARS before I was ready to marry him."

"So?" Ren asked angrily as he let go of Hux's hands and subconsciously took a step back.

"So, I don't think we're ready."

"You mean, you don't think I'M ready," Ren disagreed as he crossed his arms. "You were willing to marry HIM but you don't want to marry ME."

"Ren," Hux reached for him, but he took another step back. "Acushla, please, I love you-"

"Then why won't you marry me?!" Ren yelled as he let his tears fall freely. "Why were you willing to marry that asshole, who cheated on you by the way, but you won't even CONSIDER marrying me?! Am I not good enough for you, Hux?!"

"That's not what I said at all!" Hux argued.

"You may as well have," Ren seethed. He then turned and walked out of the kitchen. Hux poured himself another drink and tossed it back quickly before he followed.

Ren had gone back to their room and was now getting dressed. "Ren, will you PLEASE listen?" Hux begged.

Ren turned to him. "You said you loved me!"

"I DO, Ren. You KNOW I do." He reached for him again, but Ren pulled away. "Please, you have to understand." Hux pinched the bridge of his nose in pensive thought. "I'M not ready to make that commitment yet. I was blind and stupid with DJ. I don't want to make another mistake like that." He looked up at Ren to try and read his expression.

Ren was furious. "So, you think I'M a fucking mistake too?"

"What? No, that's not what I said-"

"Fuck you, Hux!" Ren shoved past him, gathered his wallet and keys, and made his way to the living room.

"Ren, please!" Hux begged, his own tears now coming in.

"You can go to Hell," he whispered with more venom than Hux had thought possible. He then went out the front door, slamming it behind himself.

Hux dropped to his knees at the door, sobbing. "Ren, please!" he whispered. "Don't leave me! Ren!" He wrapped his arms around himself and continued to cry. "I love you, Ren! I'm so sorry!"

He felt like the world was crashing all around him. He had to remind himself that you can't die from heart ache, but it felt like he was going to. He didn't know what to do. He simply couldn't be without Ren! He pushed himself up off the floor. He was going to fix this. He got dressed and then sat on the bed, taking deep breaths. He needed to calm down. He needed to try and think straight. He needed another drink.

Hux went back to the kitchen and poured another glass of whiskey. He sat at the table and drank it. He didn't know what he was going to do. He couldn't lose Ren, but he wasn't prepared to make such a commitment yet either. He knew he loved Ren, but he was in love with DJ at the time too. DJ was a mistake, but Ren wasn't. Ren was nothing like DJ.

Hux poured himself another glassful. Ren was kind to him. Ren WANTED him to spend time with Phasma. Ren didn't force him to do anything and never made him feel like he wasn't enough. Hux shook his head. He was disgusted with himself that he wasn't able to see how awful DJ was at the time. Why had he been in love with a man who constantly belittled him and told him he was worth nothing?

Hux finished his glass and filled it again. He needed to fix this. But how? Before he could ponder on it more, Ren walked back in through the front door. Hux stood up and nearly ran to him. He fell at his feet, wrapped his arms around his legs and sobbed. "Ren! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I love you! Don't leave me! Please, don't leave me!"

Ren knelt down in front of him and grabbed his face between his hands. "No, Hux, I'M sorry. I should have listened to what you were saying and not my insecurities. Please, Hux. I'm sorry."

Hux looked at him through his tear soaked eyes. "You won't leave me?"

Ren shook his head. "No, I won't. I'm sorry. You're right, we're not ready for that. I..." Ren began crying as well. "I'm sorry."

Hux closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I love you, Ren." He opened his eyes and looked into Ren's eyes. "You DO know that, don't you?"

Ren smiled and nodded. "I do." He wiped Hux's tears from his face.

Hux took another deep breath. "I'm sorry I upset you."

"I'm sorry I over-reacted," Ren replied. He stood up and pulled Hux to his feet. "Come on, let's go grab breakfast."

Hux smiled. "Alright."

**************************************************

The rest of the week was quiet. When Hux went back to the bakery, he threw himself into his work. He kept thinking about Ren's sudden suggestion of marriage. What had he been thinking? He wanted to discuss it with Phasma, but he knew she wouldn't be understanding in any way. She'd probably try to convince him that he was becoming too obsessed with him, much like Dopheld had. But he knew Ren was far different from him.

"What are you doing here?" Hux asked in a whisper.

"I just thought I'd join you," Phel answered with a smile.

"I told you, this was an evening out for Phasma, it was meant to be a special evening for her, just the two of us," Hux reprimanded.

He'd planned a nice evening out for him and Phasma to celebrate her birthday. He'd told Phel that they were going out but he didn't say where. Phasma had excused herself to the bathroom when he appeared so the two of them could talk for a moment.

"How did you even know where we were?"

"You told me," Phel answered.

Hux shook his head. "No, I didn't." He'd made sure he didn't so this very thing didn't happen.

Phel tilted his head in confusion. "I'm sure you did. How else would I know where you were?"

Hux realised he did have a fair point. He could have followed them, but that would have been crazy. He MUST have told him. "Maybe I did," he concerted, "but, really, I'd like you to leave. I'm out with Phasma. I'd like to spend some time alone with her."

Phel smiled sweetly. "Hux, you asked me to meet you guys here. Don't you remember? Yesterday you said you'd be coming here for dinner with Phas for her birthday and that I should join you after my appointment."

Hux's brows furrowed together. "I most certainly did not."

Phel nodded. "You most certainly did." He took a sip of Hux's wine. "You really don't remember?"

"How can I remember something that never happened?" Hux asked angrily.

Phel chuckled. "It happened, darling."

Phasma came back just then. "Well, is everything sorted?" She was obviously displeased with Phel being there.

Hux cleared his throat. "Phas, I asked Phel to join us," he whispered. "I hope that's alright?"

Phasma gave a tight smile. "Of course it is, the more the merrier, right?"

Hux was uncomfortable throughout the rest of the night. Phel was hanging all over him and tried touching him under the table. Phasma made sure to wrap dinner up quickly. She didn't much care for Dopheld Mitaka. She thought he was a weasel and a worm. But Hux seemed to like him, so she said nothing and simply avoided him at all costs.

"That was a lovely evening!" Phel exclaimed as they walked back inside his house. "Thank you for inviting me," he said to Hux with a smile.

Hux still didn't remember having invited him, but there was no other explanation. "I'm glad you had a good time," Hux replied with a small smile.

Phel wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him close. "I can think of something else that would be a good time," he whispered seductively and then kissed Hux.

Hux fell into the rhythm of the kiss. Phel was always so gentle with his kissing. Even when he kissed hard and with passion, there was still a certain tenderness to it. Phel grabbed his hands and pulled Hux to his room.

He took his shirt off and then made quick work to take off Hux's as well. Through his kisses, Phel whispered. "I want to top."

"You topped last time," Hux argued as he started to undo his own trousers.

"No, YOU did," Phel argued back. "We had this argument last time, remember?"

Hux did recall, but he was certain the outcome had been different. "I'm pretty sure it's my turn to top." He slid out of his trousers.

"No, it's not," Phel answered as he removed his own trousers. "You did LAST time. I remember quite clearly." He turned Hux around and pushed him to the bed. "So, my turn."

At the time, Hux was too stupid in love with Phel to realise what was happening. Phel manipulated him into thinking things were different than they actually had been. He later on stalked him, followed him everywhere he went. Hux eventually had to leave without even breaking up officially. He knew Phel would have manipulated him into staying.

He let himself ignore all of that too when he got back together with him after he left DJ. He was so lonely and desperate, that he was willing to look past these terrible faults of Phel's.

But Hux reminded himself that Ren wasn't like either of them. Ren truly cared for him, in a way no one ever had before. Perhaps Phasma, yes, and his mother even, but he'd never had a man love him the way Ren did. But was Ren more involved than Hux? Did Ren want more than Hux was willing to give? He stopped thinking about it as a customer came in to order.

As they closed later that day, Phasma asked, "Are you and Ren doing anything to ring in the new year?"

"Oh, I'm sure Ren will want to do SOMETHING, but he hasn't said anything as of yet," Hux answered.

Phasma smiled. "And does he know when your birthday is?"

Hux looked at Phasma very sternly. "No, he does not, and I'd like to keep it that way."

Phasma rolled her eyes. "I still don't completely understand why you hate your birthday so much."

Hux shook his head. "I can't explain it any other way. One; Colonel told me I wasn't important enough to have a day to celebrate me. And two; it was January in Ireland. Do you know how damn cold winters are there?" Hux shrugged as he looked away. "I dealt with far too man 'ice boy' jokes as a child. I'd just rather forget the whole thing."

Phasma sighed. "Your father is an arse and children are evil. You can make your birthday a happy day now," she encouraged.

"I'd just rather not deal with it." He turned to Phasma and added, "And you better not breathe a word of this to Ren."

"Of course I won't," Phasma promised. "You're my only friend. I wouldn't want to jeopardize that relationship."

Hux smiled to himself. He knew she was right. Neither of them really had anyone else other than each other. It had always been the two of them against the world. Hux couldn't imagine his life without her.

********************************************************

Ren was lounging on the sofa, watching TV, when Hux came home. Millicent was curled up comfortably on his stomach, fast asleep. He smiled. "Afternoon, darling. You have a good day?"

Ren smiled in return. "It's much better now that you're home." He sat up, waking Millicent, and forcing her to the floor. She was obviously displeased with this, so she sauntered to the other room. Ren swung his legs to the front, so he was facing Hux.

Hux walked toward him. He straddled his lap and kissed him, running his fingers in his hair. Hux finally pulled away. "Good." He kissed Ren again, gently pressing his tongue in his mouth once their lips had connected. He started grinding into him, pulling a short moan from Ren.

Ren broke the kiss. "You're in a good mood," he observed with a chuckle.

"Of course! I'm home with you." Hux kissed him again, delving in with his tongue much quicker than with the last kiss. He kept rolling his hips into Ren.

Ren pulled away from the kiss. "God, Hux, why did you have to do this now?"

"What's wrong with now?" Hux questioned mischievously.

"We have an appointment to get to," Ren reminded him.

Hux hadn't forgotten about his appointment with Luke's tattooist friend Biggs Darklighter. He was just nervous. He could just imagine how his father would react. He was very adamant about tattooing the body being a disgusting display.

Hux internally rolled his eyes as his father went on about how awful it was. "If I ever catch you with one, Armitage, I swear, I'll cut it out of your skin myself!

"I don't understand, sir," Hux said honestly. "Why is decorating your body an abomination, but to kill a man in the name of war isn't?

Brendol backhanded him. "Don't talk back to me like that. Tattoos are repulsive and if I ever, I mean EVER, find that you've branded yourself in that manner, I'll take it out of your hide!"

Hux cleared his throat. "Right. Our appointment." He kissed Ren once more before he stood up. "You ready then?" He asked as he pulled Ren to his feet.

Ren smiled as he wrapped his arms around him. "Not quite yet," he whispered and then pulled him close to give him another long, passionate kiss.

Hux instinctively closed his eyes and ran his fingers through Ren's hair. He was addicted to Ren, there was no better way to describe it. He craved him when he wasn't there and when he was, he wanted all of him. Hux sighed and finally pulled away. "I don't want to be late." He moved away from Ren and toward the door.

"Hey, YOU started it," Ren teased as he grabbed his coat and followed Hux out.

********************************************************

 

"Biggs!" Ren called as they walked into the tattoo parlor. Every head turned to them. There was a tiny blond woman adding to the sleeve of a man who was already well covered in ink. There was a man at the counter, looking over a binder of images with a small dark haired man behind it.

"Ren!" the man behind the counter called in return. He excused himself from the man he was working with, hopped over the counter and went to Ren, embracing him tightly. "How the Hell are you? How was your Christmas?"

"Good. How about yours?"

Biggs shrugged. "Same old." He paused. "So, this must be Hux." He extended his hand. "Biggs Darklighter, at your service."

Hux accepted the handshake. Biggs had a tiny frame, but his handshake was powerful. "Delighted," Hux replied with a smile.

"So, Ren says you're interested in getting some ink."

Hux cleared his throat. "I've been considering it, yes."

"I can do anything you'd like." He grabbed the binder from the man at the counter and handed it to Hux. "These are prints, but we can always go freehand too. You can think it, we can ink it."

Hux chuckled. "Clever. I was actually thinking about... Well, maybe, something Gaelic."

"Speciality stuff, sure thing." He looked at the man at the counter. "Wedge, you mind grabbing the binder from my office?"

"Sure," he replied as he slipped away. He came back with a much thinner binder.

Biggs opened it up. "These are our more specific images. I've got Japanese stuff and some Arabic stuff too. It's hard to find a tattoo artist who's willing to do Arabic because of the whole controversy over it. But our Irish stuff is..." He flipped through a few pages. "Here," he opened it and handed it to Hux.

Hux skimmed over the images. They were definitely Irish. There were Celtic crosses and Celtic knots of all kinds! Hux perused the images carefully. "Do you have something, perhaps with an adder?" Hux asked.

Biggs laughed. "Like a snake, yeah, let me see." He flipped another page. "Something like this?"

Hux stared down at the image. It was an adder, wrapped around itself in the form of a Celtic styled cross. "That's perfect," Hux said in a near whisper.

"That's one of my own designs," Biggs commented. "Glad you like it. So, where were you thinking you'd want it? Do you have a size in mind or is that the size you were looking for?"

"I honestly hadn't thought that far ahead," Hux admitted. "I'm actually rather surprised I mustered the courage to even come in."

"You're a tattoo virgin, huh?" the blond woman called out, not looking up from her work.

Hux cleared his throat. "Yes, I suppose."

"Don't worry about it, sweetheart," Ren said as he kissed his cheek. "We're all virgins at some point, remember?" He gave Hux a wink.

Hux glowered at him. He knew Ren was repeating his own words. Hux turned to Biggs. "This size would be just fine. When could we get this done?"

Biggs shrugged. "Any time you like. When Ren told me he was bringing you in, I set aside plenty of time for ya. We could do it today or make an appointment for another day. Whatever you'd like."

Hux looked back down at the image again. "Let's do it now." He looked up at Biggs and added, "Before I change my mind."

Biggs laughed. "Alrighty then. Have a seat over there." He pointed at a seat near by. Hux settled himself in. He was nervous, so he kept taking deep breaths. Biggs started prepping his tools. "So, decided where you want it yet?"

Hux looked up at Ren. "Any suggestions, love?"

Ren shrugged. "I think on your upper arm would be hot." He winked again.

Hux rolled his eyes, but smiled. "I was thinking, perhaps on my chest," he ventured.

Biggs nodded. "Since you've never done this before, I'm gonna let you know that it hurts much less on a fleshier part of your body. Get near bone and it's gonna hurt like a son of a bitch."

Hux nodded. "I understand. I'd like it, right about here." Hux pointed to the left side of his chest, just below his collar bone.

Biggs glanced up. "It's gonna hurt."

"I understand," Hux replied.

Biggs shrugged as he went back to his tools. "You want just the black or you want some color to it."

"Actually, just the black, please," Hux answered.

Biggs came over and sat in a chair next to Hux. "Obviously, I'm going to need you to take off your shirt."

"Don't be shy, Red!" the blond shouted with a wink.

Hux felt the heat rise to his face, but he decided today was a day to be bold, so he looked right back at her and unbuttoned his shirt. The whole time, he kept his eyes locked on hers. He pulled it open, exposing his chest. His dog tags sitting perfectly in the middle of his chest.

She smiled. "Damn, I'm a little jealous of you, Ren." She went back to the man's arm. "You get to lick that chest raw. Yum!"

The flush that had made it's way to Hux's cheeks was now spreading down into his chest. "Talli!" Wedge yelled. She looked up at him. "Some professionalism please. Ren may be family, but he and his boyfriend are still clients."

"Sorry," Talli replied quietly as she bent her head down to once again focus on her work.

Biggs chuckled. To Hux he said, "Don't mind her, she's like that with everyone. Now, I'm gonna put a stencil on first, so we make sure it looks exactly how you want it. We can always move the stencil if you'd like, so don't feel like you have to be married to it when I put it on. We want to make sure it's exactly how and where you want it because once I start, there's no going back."

Hux nodded. "I understand."

Biggs laid the image on Hux's chest where he'd indicated. It was much like applying a fake tattoo. Once the image was applied he looked at Hux and asked, "Whatdaya think? Like I said we can move it any way you'd like, put it somewhere else or-"

"It's perfect," Hux replied almost reverently.

"Alright," Biggs said. "It's gonna be permanent, so I want you to make sure you're sure."

Hux stared at it. He remembered the session where he found his spirit animal. He nodded. "I'm more than sure."

Biggs nodded. "Alright." Biggs stood up to bring his tools over.

Ren stood at Hux's other side and held his hand. "You sure?" he asked.

Hux smiled up at him. "Most definitely."

Biggs came back and set up. He shaved the area on Hux's chest before he began. Hux felt awkward having a complete stranger press a razor to his skin, but he felt safe with Ren by his side. Once Biggs cleaned the area, he disinfected it. "Alrighty, no going back now," he said as he began working. Hux nearly gasped from the pain. Biggs smiled, "Told ya, it would hurt. Want to stop?"

Hux shook his head. "No, finish it." He clasped Ren's hand a bit tighter as Biggs worked. Hux was quiet as Biggs drew the tattoo onto his flesh. He took several deep breaths to help withstand the pain, though, this was nothing compared to what he'd been through before.

He tried not to think of DJ, but it was too late. They hadn't been living together for very long at the time, so Hux was eager to do anything to please him. He'd let DJ tie his hands to the headboard of the bed. He was nervous, but he wanted so desperately to make DJ happy.

DJ looked down at him and smiled wickedly. It wasn't mischievous, it was truly evil looking. "You ready?" Hux nodded his answer, too scared to speak. "Good." DJ then crawled up the side of the bed and blindfolded him. He hadn't said anything about a blindfold, but Hux didn't protest.

He felt DJ straddle his legs. Then he felt something cold and sharp press into his chest. Hux gasped and tried to shrink away from the intrusion, but there was no way for him to escape. "DJ! What the Hell!? Stop! Please!?"

DJ slapped him across the face with the blade. "Shut up, you cunt!" He pressed the blade to his neck. "I'm gonna carve you up. Make you feel every little twist and cut. I'm gonna enjoy watching you squirm and listening to you scream." He took the blade from his neck and then cut a long line down his side. Hux cried out in pain. There was nothing he could do to make him stop. He was at DJ's mercy.

Hux cried and wailed, begging DJ to end it. He couldn't understand how he could hurt him like this when he claimed he loved him. After it seemed like he was done with cutting him up, he rode him rough and came on his chest, then rubbed it into his fresh wounds. The last thing he did was carve his initials into Hux's chest, just below his collar bone on the left side of his chest.

Hux wondered if Biggs had noticed the fading scars that looked like the letters D and J. He said nothing if he did. That was part of why Hux wanted his tattoo there, to cover up that part of his past, just like his spirit guide had told him to.

An hour and a half later, Biggs was finished. He cleaned him up and covered it. "Alright, keep it wrapped for at LEAST the next two hours. Preferably, the next twenty-four, but that's up to you. When you take the bandage off, make sure it's a clean and sterile environment. I recommend keeping it wrapped overnight. If the bandage is removed on the first night, the tattoo may stick to or stain your bed sheets."

Hux nodded. "Okay."

"Now," Biggs continued, "After removing the bandage, wash the tattoo immediately with warm water and soap. Don't use a soap with fragrances or scrubs of any kind. When you clean it, use a circular motion, until all ointment, blood, and lymphatic fluid are removed. Pat it dry."

Biggs gave him several other instructions to properly clean and care for his tattoo. Hux listened carefully, but he kept glancing down at it. He was still in shock that he'd done this! But he didn't regret it.

Hux paid for the tattoo and since they were in the area, they went to see Luke. Hux felt like he'd never get used to Luke's shop. It was too colorful and always smelled strange with it's mix of incense and other herbs.

They found Luke with a costumer, going over the use of a select group of stones. "That will definitely help with your chakra," Luke agreed. "And you don't need a lot. If you focus on that one too much, your other chakras will be neglected and then in need of care." He looked up as Hux and Ren approached. "Excuse me," Luke said to the customer and then made his way to the two of them. He hugged them each in turn. "How are you boys?"

"Good," Ren answered. "Thought we'd stop by since we were around."

"Always good to see you. What are you out doing today?"

Ren smiled. "Getting Hux his first tat."

Luke looked at Hux in surprise. "No kidding!" He then caught the image on his chest. "Very nice. You go to Biggs?"

"Yes, we did," Hux answered.

"How's it feel?"

"It's definitely sore," Hux joked.

Luke laughed. "I'm not surprised in the least. Looks good." Luke smiled knowingly. "Was the snake your spirit animal."

Hux smiled. "Yes. I thought, if you were available we could seek our spirit guides together again."

"That would be delightful! Paige will be coming in, in a couple hours. If you boys want to make yourselves at home upstairs until then, you're more than welcome. Excuse me, gotta help a customer." Luke walked off to talk to a couple who were looking at some hanging crystals.

Ren grabbed Hux's hand. "Come on," he encouraged as they went to the upstairs apartment. Ren pulled him close and kissed him. He pulled away just enough to whisper, "You look hot with your new ink."

Hux cocked his eyebrows in a questioning expression. "Do, I now?"

"Uh-hu," Ren answered as he wrapped his arms around Hux and then grabbed his ass. He began kissing his neck. "You're such a bad boy now, aren't you? Getting all tatted up."

Hux chuckled. "Ren, we shouldn't do this right now," Hux discouraged.

"Why not?" Ren asked, not really wanting an answer as he continued kissing and sucking on Hux's neck. "I'll be gentle. I won't touch it."

"No, Ren, that's not my concern," Hux said as he feigned an attempt to escape Ren's hold on him. "We're in your uncle's apartment. It wouldn't be polite."

"We were gonna do it at my parents' house just the other night," Ren teased as he gently led Hux to the nearest wall and pressed him against it. He began palming at his crotch.

"That was different, Ren!" Hux argued. But he wasn't very convincing as he closed his eyes and gave into the pleasure that wafted over him. Ren was still sucking on his neck, but had now opened his trousers just enough so he could reach down and grab his cock.

"Really? How so?"

"We were in YOUR room for one. For another, if you'd locked the door properly, no one could have walked in on us. But here, we're in the open. If you haven't noticed, Luke's apartment is very... Open." He was losing his vast vocabulary with every gentle tug Ren gave to his dick. Hux groaned. "And for another thing," Hux manged to get out. "It's rude to have sex in someone else's house."

"I'm sure Luke won't mind in the least," Ren teased as he undid Hux's trousers a bit more.  
Hux finally grabbed his hands and pushed him away. He looked at him sternly. "I'm very serious, Ren. This is neither the time or place."

Ren looked crestfallen. "But, sweetheart, I-"

"No," Hux cut him off as he readjusted himself and did up his trousers. Hux threaded his fingers into Ren's hair and pulled his face close. "Be good and I may let you when we get home. Understood?"

Ren smiled his typical mischievous grin. "Yes, Daddy."

Hux rolled his eyes, but kept his smile. "You are such a brat."

Ren nuzzled his chin. "But I'm YOUR brat."

They grabbed a couple of yoga mats and laid them out next to each other. They both laid on their backs looking up at the ceiling talking. As Luke had promised, two hours later, he came upstairs.

"You boys comfortable?" he teased as he walked in and saw them on the floor.

"Not really," Ren answered as he sat up. "You should really get a couch or something, ya know?"

Luke shrugged. "I don't tend to have a lot of company over. Now, you boys still want to visit your spirit animals?"

Hux had sat up as well. "Yes, of course."

Luke rolled out his yoga mat and then got the bong and started preparing it. "Alright then, let's get started." He followed pretty much the same routine he had before when Hux went looking for his animal guide the first time. After he and Ren had smoked the marijuana down to ash, they both laid down once again.

Hux closed his eyes and let his mind drift. He saw himself flying! Beneath him were the Irish meadows he longed to see again. He wanted to touch down and wade through the tall grass, but his body wouldn't let him. He continued to fly. Before he realised, England was stretched out beneath him. But before he had a chance to ponder on it, he sped away over the ocean to the east coast of the states and then again quickly to west side where he was finally able to land.

Hux looked all around him. He knew he was in Vancouver, but it wasn't familiar to him. He looked out around him and called out, "Spirit guide, I ask that you come to me! I seek your wisdom." He waited as patiently as he could and before long, he heard the slithering of a snake coming toward him. The snake was larger than before. The first time it was a regular size snake, now when it raised itself up, it reached Hux's height.

"Armitage," the snake whispered. "I wasss uncccertain I would sssee you again." Hux stared it in the eyes as it spoke to him. "After that firssst encounter, I feared you would not ssseek me again."

"I was frightened the first time," Hux admitted. "I didn't want to believe that some of this... Mystical... Stuff, may be real. I've always been a skeptic."

"And why have you sssought me out today?"

Hux thought. "Last time, you spoke of letting go of the past." The snake nodded. "I wanted to understand what you meant. I HAVE let go of the past, it no longer controls me-"

"But it DOESSS Huxxx," the adder argued. "You continue to allow the fearsss from your passst to affect who you are today."

Hux took a deep breath. He knew in part that the adder was right. He looked at her again and asked, "What would you have me do?"

"You mussst forget the passst. Pluck it from your sssoul," the adder answered.

Hux licked his lips. "And how am I to do that?"

"You will learn in time," the adder replied and then began to slither away.

"Wait!" The adder paused. "What if I can't?" Suddenly he was crying. "What if I can't let any of it go? What if my past rules me for the rest of my life?!"

"It can't, unlesss you let it," she answered and then quickly slithered away.

Hux opened his eyes. He looked over at Ren. He was already sitting up. He was looking over at Hux, smiling. "You're so fucking cute!" Ren reached over and ruffled his hair.

Hux giggled. "No, YOU'RE cute." He sat up and kissed Ren deeply. He pulled away. "You know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do," Ren smiled broadly. He frowned. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

Hux nodded. "I'm good, Agra." He kissed him again. He stood up and pulled Ren to his feet. "I found answers from my spirit guide!" Hux had a stupid grin plastered on his face.

"That's good," Ren replied and then kissed Hux again.

Luke cleared his throat, reminding them both that he was still there. "You two get overly affectionate when you're high."

This made Ren giggle. "He's just so cute, Uncle Luke!" Ren pulled Hux close to himself and kissed him again, letting his hands wander all over Hux's body.

Hux pulled away with a shy laugh. "Ren, stop it, Luke is right here."

Luke shook his head with a smile. "You boys ought to bunk here for the night. You shouldn't be driving. I'm sure I've got some sleeping bags somewhere."

"It'll be like a slumber party!" Ren shouted excitedly.

As they laid down later that night, Hux curled into Ren's arms. He felt so calm and relaxed, he fell asleep without trouble.

********************************************************

Hux convinced Ren that they shouldn't do anything big for New Years Eve. Reluctantly, Ren agreed for them to invite Rose and Phasma over to just chill and drink. "But we could throw a party," Ren suggested.

"No," Hux argued back as he sat at the kitchen table going over the books for the bakery.

Ren stood behind him and wrapped his arms around him. "Come on, dumpling. It'll be fun." He kissed his neck and then reached into his shirt, rubbing at his chest. Hux sucked at his teeth as Ren's hand brushed over his tattoo.

"Ren, that's still tender!"

Ren began unbuttoning his shirt. "I can kiss it better for you," he offered slyly.

Hux pushed him off. "Ren, I'm actually busy. I need to balance these books."

Ren sat next to him and just stared. Hux glanced over at him and noticed he was still smiling devilishly.

He sat back and looked at Ren. "Is there something I can help you with, Ren?"

Ren shook his head. "You're just so pretty."

"Uh-huh," Hux replied as he went back to his books.

"You just look so adorable with your reading glasses." Ren stood up and stood behind him again. He continued kissing his neck.

Hux smiled. "Oh, do I?"

"Hm-huh, you should wear them more often."

Hux chuckled. "Oh, should I?"

"Yeah," Ren started unbuttoning his shirt where he left off. "You look so sexy and smart."

Hux finally grabbed his hands and looked at him. "Ren, Acushla, I have work to do."

Ren smiled. "I can't help it! You're just so HOT!" He leaned in to kiss him, but Hux pulled away.

"Ren," he said sternly.

"Alright, alright." Ren stood up and stepped away. "I'll go to the other room where I won't be distracted by your sexiness." He headed for the living room, but stopped in the doorway. "Oh, by the way, I still think we should throw a party for New Years Eve."

Hux looked at him again, a rather unamused expression on his face. "I'd much rather not, love. We could invite Phas and Rose over and Rey and the guys, but just to hang out and have drinks. I'd really rather not do anything extravagant."

Ren smiled. "Okay, I'll ask Rey." He then disappeared into the living room.

Hux shook his head and went back to work. He loved Ren dearly, but sometimes he needed attention like a child. Hux finally finished up and then went out into the living room. Ren was sitting on the sofa, petting Millicent. Hux leaned against the door frame. "I see you sought the attention of another while I was busy."

Ren looked over at him and smiled. "Well, I need attention from SOMEONE."

Hux made his way over to him and straddled his lap. Millicent stayed where she was on the other side of the sofa. Ren put his hands on Hux's hips while Hux put his arms around Ren's shoulders. "Well, you can have all of the attention you want now." He leaned in and kissed him. Ren kissed him back gently, slowly pressing his tongue into his mouth. Hux's breath caught as he buried his hands in Ren's hair.

Ren pulled away and asked, "Hey, can you make her leave?" he indicated Millicent with a tilt of his head.

Hux laughed. "What? Why? She's not bothering anything. Besides, this is her home too." Hux leaned in to kiss him again, but Ren pulled away.

"It just kind of weirds me out that she's STARING."

Hux chuckled. “Don’t be ridiculous, she’s not doing anything wrong, and if you don’t like her looking at you, turn the other way so you can’t see her.”

Hux tried to kiss him again, but Ren wouldn't let him. "But I can TELL she’s staring though! It’s creepy!”

Hux sighed. “She's NOT creepy, she just likes to know what’s going on. Now are you going to continue kissing me or are you going to carry on bitching about my cat?”

"Bitching about your cat!?" Ren shouted. "It doesn't bother you at all?"

Hux shrugged. "Not in the slightest. Why should it?"

Ren let go off a deep breath. "I REALLY don't care to have eyes on me while I'm trying to make out with you."

Hux laughed boisterously. "This coming from the man who THRIVES on PDA."

“I don’t ‘thrive’ on-“ Ren began to argue, but he stopped when Hux gave him a look. “...Ok, maybe I LIKE it a bit, but they’re PEOPLE and she’s a CAT. AND she’s got weird eyes that creep me out!”

“Are you finished yet?” Hux asked with a bit of a smirk.

“No! How does she not bother you?! Not just with her staring but everything else she does? Her bringing in dead mice and one time a fucking bird! And did I tell you she scratched me?!"

Hux acted shocked, though he wasn't. "Whatever do you mean?"

"That time I was playing with her and she scratched me out of the blue. You don't remember that?"

"Oh, Ren, darling, that was ONCE and it was because you were playing too rough for her liking."

"But, Hux," Ren whined. Hux was done with hearing him complain, as he rolled his eyes and then grabbed his face and kissed him again.

Hux pulled away and whispered, "If you stop complaining about her, I'll do that thing you like."

Ren bit his lip. "With the whipped cream?"

Hux chuckled. "Yes, Ren."

As his answer, he kissed him again.

********************************************************

 

New Years Eve was just what Hux had hoped for. The broadcast of New Years Eve in Time Square was played in the background as he, Ren, Phasma, and Rose drank and talked. Rey had to join Poe for a party with his racing friends and Finn was stuck working.

Phasma sat in the armchair with Rose sitting comfortably on her lap. Ren sat on the sofa holding Hux close to his chest. Hux thought back on his past relationships. He never felt as comfortable with any of them as he did with Ren. Though he thought back on his last time with Mark Timmons. He DID feel comfortable in his arms that night as Mark held him after they'd had sex. In retrospect, Hux wondered if it was because he knew it was his last time with him, that he'd never have to see him again.

Mark kissed his shoulder softly. "I'm going to miss you, Armitage," he whispered as they laid there. They both had already dressed again and they were now cuddling together.

"I don't want you to go," Hux whispered back. He'd grown fond of him in the months they'd spent together. And there was a part of him that truly feared he'd die overseas.

"I know," Mark replied. He sighed. "But I have to."

Hux tried to hold back tears. "I know. I'm just so scared I'll never see you again."

He rested his chin on his shoulder. "I'm scared too. I'm scared of dying, Armitage. I really am. They can prepare us for combat, teach us survival skills, but they don't teach you how to accept death." He sighed and then sat up. "I have to go."

Hux sat up and pulled him to him, kissing him deeply, fearing it may be their last kiss. Hux pulled away, letting his tears fall freely now. "Promise me, you'll be careful?"

Mark smiled, his own tears spilling over as well. "Of course, I will." He lovingly stroked Hux's cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, trying to memorise every bit of it.

"I love you," Hux whispered as he opened his eyes. "Promise you'll come back to me?" Mark nodded as more tears fell. He kissed Hux once more and then left.

Hux felt stupid for having fallen for him. He was sixteen though and he didn't know any better. And now, he had Ren. He cuddled closer to him, which was no easy feat since he was already practically laying in his lap.

As the night went on, they all drank their preferred drinks. Rose bounced between wine and beer, while Phasma was definitely a wine drinker. Ren enjoyed his beer, but occasionally stole drinks from Hux's scotch just to annoy him. Scotch and Irish whiskey had always been a preference to Hux, though he did indulge in beer as well.

"You know what, Hux?" Ren asked as Hux sat up.

"What?"

Ren grinned and giggled. "I like you. You're so handsome!"

Hux chuckled. "Well, thank you, Ren. I think you're quite exquisite too." He stood up and Ren grabbed his hand.

"I think you're so pretty!"

Hux smiled down at him. "You are as well, Agra."

Still holding Hux's hand, Ren turned to Phasma and Rose. "You know, he compliments me ALL the time. He even says he likes my ears." He shook his head of hair wildly, trying to cover his ears more than they already were. "But that can't be true."

Phasma smiled. "Hux doesn't lie about that sort of thing," she insisted.

Ren laughed. "That makes me think of that song!" He started singing wildly off-key. "And I'm on tonight you know my Hux don't lie. And I'm starting to feel it's right."

Hux laughed. "Ren, I think the word is HIPS," he corrected him.

Ren stood up and started dancing with him as he continued singing. "You're such a good dancer, Hux," Ren said as he put his hands on Hux's hips while they danced.

Phasma laughed so hard, she nearly spit her wine out. "I don't think I've EVER seen you dance before, luv!"

"That's because it's completely undignified," he replied. He tried to pull away, but Ren just pulled him closer. "Ren, what are you doing?"

"I'm dancing with my sexy boyfriend," he answered as he pressed his nose to Hux's, giving him an Eskimo kiss.

"No you're not," Hux argued back, "you're dancing with ME."

“Yeah, but YOU'RE my boyfriend, AND you’re TOTALLY sexy, so I'm right!" he finished in a sing-song tone.

“You-“ Hux began, but was interrupted by Ren.

“You’re sexy here,” he said as he pointed at Hux's cheek. “And here," he added as he moved his hand to his chest. “Oh, and here." He put his other hand back on his hip. He giggled and added, "And-"

But before he could move either hand anywhere else, Phasma pipped in with, “And I'M going to remind you that I am in fact still here and don’t really want to see you feel up my best friend two feet away from me." This behaviour obviously didn't phase Rose in any way, as she sat there and sipped her wine quietly.

"She's right, my love, right now is probably not the best time for us to be fondling one another."

"But I like to, so much!" Ren argued back as he began nuzzling Hux's neck.

Phasma and Rose shared a look between each other. Phasma then looked back to them and said, "You two have no decency."

"It's not ME, it's HIM!" Hux defended himself.

"He's YOUR monster Dr. Frankenstein," Phasma quipped.

“That he may be, but if he keeps this up, I may have to put a bolt through his neck myself!" he tried to say simply, but he ended with a gasp due to Ren biting down on his neck.

Phasma laughed and stood up. "And that is the sign for us to leave."

"You better call a cab," Hux warned. "I don't want either of you driving, oh!" He couldn't hold back his gasps of pleasure.

"Sure thing, boss!" Phasma said with another laugh, as she and Rose headed out the door.

As soon as the front door closed, Ren immediately moved toward it, pressing Hux firmly against it. "I've always wanted to do it against the front door," Ren whispered seductively as he began peeling their clothes off.

"Oh, Ren, you ARE drunk," Hux commented with a smile. "We HAVE done it against the door before."

“Have we?" Ren questioned. "And I’m NOT drunk!” 

“Yes, we have, twice in fact; AND you CLEARLY are."

“Well why don’t we do it here again!" Ren suggested excitedly. "And pretend it’s the first time?”

Hux thought about it for a moment. "I'm not sure, I follow your thought process-"

Ren knelt down and started undoing his trousers. "I don't know, just let me suck your dick." He pulled his trousers down to his ankles along with his boxer briefs and took him into his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What Hux says to Ren when he's trying to explain what his panic attacks feel like is a direct quote from a friend of mine who suffers from them herself. To any and everyone suffering with this or any other mental illness, please do what you need to do to take care of yourself! Find the support you need through family and friends and know you are not alone in this fight. Never stop fighting!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux nurses Ren through a hangover. Han finally finds out that Ren quit school. Ren hurts himself. Phasma let's Ren in on a secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: this is where the cutting tag comes in.

Ren woke up, but he was still exhausted. 'Maybe it's actually groggy,' Ren pondered. He sat up with a moan. 'There is NO way I am hung over! I can hold my alcohol pretty damn well. Ugh! I DID drink a lot last night though.' He climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of sweats. He made his way to the kitchen. He heard Hux busying himself in the kitchen. He came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him.

"Morning, Gingerbread." He nuzzled his neck and kissed it. "Happy New Year."

Hux chuckled. "Happy New Year to you too, my love." Hux turned around and kissed him. "Last night was AMAZING!"

Ren smiled. "Was it?"

Hux nodded. "I should get you drunk more often." He chuckled. "Especially if THAT'S the outcome."

Ren leaned closer and whispered seductively in his ear, "You don't have to get me drunk for me to do that."

Hux smiled and whispered back, "Really? Why don't you prove it?"

'You asked for it!' Ren thought as he lifted Hux and carried him to the table. He leaned forward, pressing Hux into the table, but then abruptly stopped.

"I will, but AFTER this hangover's worn off."

Ren pulled away as Hux laughed. "I thought you could handle your alcohol," he teased.

Ren flipped him off, which just made Hux howl with laughter. Ren walked into the living room and laid down on the couch. Hux followed him out. He leaned against the doorway. Ren mumbled, "I feel awful."

Hux chuckled. "Well, maybe you shouldn't drink so much," he offered. He came over and sat on the very edge of the couch. He played with Ren's hair. "Oh, my poor baby, you look like you feel just terrible."

Ren sighed. "I'm fine. I mean, I'll be alright."

Hux shook his head. "No, no, I'm going to take care of you until you're all better, you poor dear."

Ren playfully glared at him. "I don't find your sarcastic tone amusing."

Hux pulled his hand away from Ren's hair and placed it on his chest as though offended. "I'm not being sarcastic! I would NEVER do that." He leaned forward and kissed Ren's forehead. "I'll take care of you my turtle dove."

Ren furrowed his brow. "Okay," he conceded as he settled himself on the couch.

Hux brushed his hair away from his forehead as he smiled down at him. "Don't worry about a thing, Agra, I'll take care of you."

Ren nodded. "Okay, would you mind making me some breakfast?" he asked with a pout.

"Of course I wouldn't mind! I was just getting ready to make something when you came in. What would you like?"

"Um, maybe some coffee and toast and scrambled eggs?" Ren suggested. "Something light, so it doesn't upset my tummy too much."

Hux chuckled. "Of course, whatever you want my prince." Hux stood up and made his way back to the kitchen.

'It's not THAT bad of a hangover. I'm sure if I just chilled for a couple hours I'd be fine, but I won't say no to Hux taking care of me all day. I'm gonna milk it for all it's worth.'

Hux DID take care of him for the rest of the day. He fawned and fussed over him and Ren liked it. 'I could get used to this,' Ren considered silently.

At one point in the day, Hux lovingly caressed his forehead, brushing away his long hair. Hux sighed heavily. "Oh, my poor darling, how could this TRAGEDY have befallen you? I shall pray to every deity who’s name I can recall to make you better once more, my love!” He leaned down and kissed his forehead.

Ren stared up into his green eyes. "Thanks, sweetheart. I appreciate it," he replied.

Hux rolled his eyes with a smile. "I'll just make some tea for you." He stood up.

"But, aren't you going to pray for me first?" Ren whined with sincerity.

Hux gave him the strangest look. 'He really doesn't know if I'm serious or not! That is too damn funny!'

"Of course I will, Ren. I'll do it over the tea while I brew it," he answered and left for the kitchen.

"Thank you!" he called out. He laid there quietly for a few minutes. “I can’t hear you praying!" he said loudly. "Do you not want me to live!?”

Suddenly Hux's voice came from the kitchen. "Oh, great Gods in heaven on high! Mother Earth and Father Sky, make my love whole again, I beg of thee! That I might have him for all eternity!"

Ren smiled. 'I've got him wrapped around my little finger.'

"Thanks, Gingerbread!" he called back.

Hux finally came back out with two mugs of tea. "You'll have to sit up to drink."

Ren groaned dramatically as he sat up. Hux rolled his eyes again, but smiled any way as he handed the mug to Ren and sat next to him. With his free hand, he massaged Ren's head. "Oh, my poor sweet dove. You still feeling unwell?"

'I'm totally fine now, but I'm not gonna let HIM know that.'

Ren nodded with a pout. He leaned his head on Hux's shoulder, completely ignoring his tea. "I feel better with you though."

"Well, I'm glad I can be of some service to you, my prince," Hux replied and then kissed his forehead. He set his mug on the coffee table and did the same with Ren's. "Are you not feeling well enough to do this?" he asked as he leaned in and kissed Ren gently. It was probably the most chaste kiss they'd ever shared.

Ren smiled as Hux pulled away. "I think I'm okay enough to do a little more of that."

Hux chuckled. "I thought you might be." He leaned in and kissed him again, this time with just the tiniest bit of tongue.

'God, I love him so much! I want nothing more than to be with him all the time.' They made out off and on for the rest of the day. Ren didn't protest and Hux didn't ask to take it further. Ren was just happy to touch and taste his lover through out the entire day.

********************************************************

Ren and Hux both had to return to work the next day. Ren started work much later than Hux of course, so he lounged around the apartment until he had to leave.

Ren walked into the mechanic shop. He casually greeted the employee at the front counter as he clocked in. He made his way to the employee lockers, but was stopped by his dad.

"My office, now!" he barked. Ren sighed and followed him.

'What could I have possibly done now?'

"Sit down," Han ordered as he closed the door behind him.

Ren took his seat and wondered, 'What's he so pissed about?' Han leaned against the front of his desk and crossed his arms in front of him. 'Damn, I look so much like him when he does that.'

"Care to explain why the college says I don't owe them anything for this semester?"

'Ah, shit,' Ren groaned to himself. 'How could I forget that Mom and Dad have been paying for school?! Of course, they'd find out eventually that I didn't register for this quarter!'

"Um, would you believe me if I said it's because it's already been paid for?" Ren ventured.

Han was obviously not buying it. "And how exactly is that? I know YOU don't have that kind of money and we told Luke to butt out where your education is concerned. So, unless you're suggesting that your fuck buddy has the cash stashed away somewhere, then it leads me to only one conclusion."

Ren raised his brows trying to look as innocent as possible. "And what would that be?"

"Cut the shit, Ben!" Han yelled as he pushed off from the desk. "You didn't even fucking register for classes!"

Ren knew this was NOT a question. He shrugged. "I... I thought I'd... You know, take a break," he replied quietly as he looked at the ground.

"This is all because of HIM, isn't it?"

Ren looked up and snarled. "What do you mean by that?"

Han pointed an accusing finger at Ren. "You know EXACTLY what I mean. You're giving up school for piece of ass!"

Ren stood up now, anger coursing through him. "Don't talk about Hux like that!"

"This is HIS fault," Han grew quieter, but the anger in his voice was unmistakable.

"Hux has nothing to do with it!" Ren yelled in return. "He doesn't even know! I swear!"

Han's voice was low as he spoke, "You will go to that school today and register for classes. You understand me? You won't get all the classes you want because you're registering so Damn late, but-"

"No, I won't," Ren replied with the same level of intensity and matching Han's volume as well. They were both speaking lower, but their anger was still there.

"You don't really have a choice in the matter."

"Yes, I do. I'm not going to school this quarter. It's as simple as that."

His voice once again raising, Han replied, "You, ungrateful, selfish, little asshole! Your mother and I have been paying for college so you wouldn't have to worry about it. Now you're throwing it back in our faces!"

"I'm just taking a break," Ren defended quietly.

Han shook his head. "No, you're not. You are going to go to school, or so help me-"

"You'll what?! Kick me out? Too fucking late, you already did that!"

Han quietly seethed for a moment. "Get out!" His voice was low, Ren almost had to strain to hear him. "I don't ever want to see you're fucking face again."

Ren couldn't hold back the tears. 'I guess this is it. He's been waiting to kick me out of his life permanently.'

"Why can't you love me?" Ren asked. He couldn't believe he'd actually asked, but if this was the last time he'd ever see his father, he figured he better say everything there was to say.

"I've always loved you, Ben," Han answered in a whisper. "You've always made it difficult, but I have."

Ren shook his head. "No, you haven't. You're not capable of love!"

Han's face twisted in anger and then he backhanded him. Ren grabbed at his cheek and looked at him in shock. 'He's never hit me before!'

Han looked shocked as well. He reached for him as he quietly said, "Ben-"

"Don't you fucking touch me!" Ren yelled as he stepped away. "You can go to Hell!" He stormed out, slamming the office door behind him. He got into his car and drove off angrily. He couldn't stop himself from crying. He knew he shouldn't be driving like that, but he needed to get home. He needed Hux.

Hux was lounging on the couch when he got home. He was sitting there reading a book and petting Millicent who was curled up comfortably on his lap. Hux looked up from his book and smiled at Ren as he entered. Then he saw Ren's face and he frowned. "Ren, what's wrong?" Hux asked as he set his book down on the coffee table and stood up. He didn't even bother marking his place.

Ren went to him and threw his arms around him, burying his face in his neck. "Hux! I... And he... I'm-"

"Shhh, it's alright my love," Hux soothed as he gently petted Ren's hair. "I've got you. Everything is going to alright."

Ren sobbed into Hux's neck for some time, until he was able to talk coherently. He pulled away just a bit, but continued to hold on to Hux. "I got into a fight with Dad. He... And I... He told me to never show my face again. And... He... He hit me."

"He hit you?!" Hux asked for clarity, obviously very angry about this.

Ren nodded. "He backhanded me. He's never hit me before, Hux!"

Hux pressed Ren's head against his chest. "It's alright now. You don't ever have to speak to him again." He continued to caress Ren's head softly.

"What am I gonna do, Hux? I need a job and I can't work with him any more. He said he never wanted to see my face again!"

"Oh, Ren, Agra, I'd offer for you to work at the bakery, but that's during school hours."

Ren pulled away and bit his lip. "Um, school is what we argued about."

Hux gave him a confused look. "What about it?"

Ren looked down in shame as he answered in a whisper, "I told him I wasn't going this semester."

"What?" Hux's embrace loosened, but he held on. "Why?"

Ren pulled away, making Hux let go of him. He shrugged as he crossed his arms. "I don't know, I just decided to take a break, that's all."

Hux looked at him, his brow furrowed. 'Don't look at me like that!' Ren felt the tears coming back. 'I can't have you mad at me too!'

Ren finally glanced back up at Hux. "I don't understand," Hux said quietly. "Why?"

"I just wanted to take a break," Ren repeated. "Have time to do other stuff I want."

"Ren, love," Hux began as he stepped closer to him and placed a hand in his thick, dark, hair. "This doesn't have anything to do with me, does it?"

"No," he answered. "How would it?"

Hux sighed. "Is spending time with ME the thing you want more time for?"

Ren shrugged. "Sure, in part, but I just... I don't know." He looked away embarrassed.

Hux grabbed his chin and tilted his face back to him. "I agree with your father on this. You should finish school."

"Why?"

"Because I won't have you throwing away your future for me."

Ren grabbed Hux's hands. "But YOU'RE my future."

Hux took a deep breath. He pulled his right hand away and lovingly stroked Ren's cheek. "I know. But there's more to your future than JUST me."

Ren sniffled and nodded. 'I know he's right, but he's all I need.'

"It's not like I'm QUITTING school," Ren finally defended. "I'm just taking a break this quarter."

Hux nodded. "Alright. But you promise you'll start up the next quarter?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah." Ren paused. "Were you serious about letting me work with you?"

Hux thought for a moment. "Yes, I was. You can start tomorrow if you'd like."

Ren's face lit up. "Really?! I promise I'll work hard and I won't be a distraction-"

Hux kissed him. He pulled away and smiled. "You're ALWAYS a distraction," he joked. "And right now, I'd like to distract you," he added as he grabbed Ren's hands and pulled him to their room.

********************************************************

"Ren, it's time to wake up," Hux whispered as he gently shook him.

Ren rolled away. "Five more minutes," he mumbled.

"That's the third 'five more minutes' you've asked for," Hux replied exasperatedly. He shook him again. "Get up!"

Ren looked up at him. "Hux, do you know how early it is?!"

"Ren, do you recall that I said you could work at the bakery?" he matched Ren's whining tone. "We have to be there early. Now, get up."

Ren groaned as he sat up. "Fine."

'I don't know why I agreed to this. Oh, yeah, that's right, I lost my job because Dad is an asshole.' Ren sighed. 'It seems like Hux is always saving my ass. I get kicked out of my house so he lets me move in. I lose my job, so he let's me work for him. Most days I still feel like I don't deserve him.'

Ren got out of bed and dressed. He went to the kitchen where Hux was already enjoying a cup of tea. He looked at Ren as he walked in. "Coffee's ready if you'd like some."

"Thanks," Ren replied as he poured a mug for himself. He watched Hux for a moment.

'I've never actually seen him up this early before. He seems so calm and collected, more so than normal. Maybe because there's no one and nothing to bother him. It's just Hux and his thoughts.'

Neither said much to the other as they went through the morning routine and went to the bakery.

"Morning, luv!" Hux called out to Phasma as they walked inside.

"Morning!" she called in return as she stepped out from the kitchen. She stopped. "Oh, morning, Ren. How are you?"

He smiled. "Good. How about you?"

"Fine," she replied skeptically.

'Hux didn't tell her I was gonna start working here, did he?'

"Phas, can I talk to you for a minute?" Hux asked with a bit of fear.

'I'd love to be a fly on the wall for this conversation,' Ren chuckled to himself.

Hux and Phasma disappeared in the back together. A few minutes later, Hux called for Ren to join them. Hux showed him around the kitchen, instructing him what to do.

'This is NOTHING like mechanics. God, I hope I don't disappoint him.'

But Ren's fears turned out to be valid once he burnt a batch of cookies so badly they were black.

"How in the Hell did you manage that?!" Hux yelled when Ren told him.

Ren crossed his arms. "I'm sorry, Hux. I guess I forgot to put the timer on and I forgot they were in there-"

"Just..." Hux yelled. He took a deep breath. "Go out to the front and deal with the customers."

"But-"

"Darling, I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I don't trust your baking, so stay. Out. Of my. Kitchen!"

Ren sighed as he went out front to man the cash register. 'When Hux said I could work with him, I didn't think this is what I'd be doing.' But Ren decided to make the most of it and smiled at every customer.

"What can I get you?" he asked the next person in line.

She smiled and batted her eyes. "I'd like something hot and steamy." She winked.

Ren smiled and felt the blood rush to his face. "Sure. Want a little white stuff to go with it? Cream or sugar in your coffee, I mean." Ren clarified, but with a flirtatious smile.

She giggled. "Three creams, please. I'd also really like something tasty and sweet too."

Ren put has elbow on the counter and rested his head on his hand. "What did you have in mind?"

"Something I can share with my friend," she answered as she pointed at the guy next to her with her head.

'I'm not into chicks, but I'd have a three-way with them, well, if Hux weren't a part of my life-'

"Ren, can I speak with you for a moment?"

"I'll take over," Phasma said as she slid in behind the cash register.

Hux grabbed Ren's hand and dragged him to the back room. He pushed Ren against the wall and kissed him hard.

'Um, okay. I'm not complaining, but this seems random.'

Hux pressed his hips into Ren, making him moan slightly. Hux pulled his lips away and whispered, "Sorry, I couldn't help myself."

Ren chuckled. "I don't mind in the least." He kissed Hux again, running his fingers into his hair.

Hux pulled away and clicked his tongue. "Tsk, tsk, now, now, Ren. YOU have to get back to work." He turned Ren around and pushed him out, slapping his ass along the way.

Ren went back out to the floor. Throughout the day, Hux continued to pull him away to the backroom for quick make-out sessions. At one point, Phasma stopped him and said, "No. Hux, keep it in your pants and help me sell cakes!" She pushed Hux back into the kitchen.

Ren laughed as he went back to the front counter, stealing a cupcake on his way.

********************************************************

"How was your first day?" Hux asked as they walked back into their apartment.

Ren smiled, but then frowned. "I think I fucked up quite a bit."

"Oh, Agra," Hux closed the door and then wrapped his arms around him. "It was your first day. I'm sure you'll be much better tomorrow."

Ren sighed. 'I hope so.'

He smiled at Hux. "I'm sure."

"Why don't we go out for dinner tonight?"

Ren shrugged. "I don't know."

Hux tilted his head in question. "Are you alright?"

Ren shrugged. "I don't know." He wouldn't meet Hux's gaze. "I guess I just feel bad for today."

Hux rolled his eyes. "Ren, Acushla, it was your FIRST day. Don't beat yourself up over it." He grabbed his chin and made him look at him. "What can I do to make you feel better?"

Ren looked him in the eyes and smiled mischievously. "We could have sex under the kitchen table," he suggested.

Hux rolled his eyes. "You are incorrigible," he let go of Ren and turned to walk away. But Ren grabbed him around the waist and pulled him close.

"Come on sweetie pie! It'll make me feel better," he whispered the last part as he kissed Hux's neck.

Immediately, Hux tilted his head back and took in a deep breath. "Ren," he breathed out.

'I love being able to make him fall apart like this. He's almost ready to do whatever I want. I just need to give him a little more incentive.'

Ren brought his hands away from Hux's hips and reached to the front of his pants. He felt his erection through the front as he began to undo his pants with his other hand. He continued kissing and sucking on Hux's neck as he did so.

"I'll even let you top, if you want," Ren whispered. He'd finally unfastened and unzipped Hux's pants, so he reached inside and started fondling him. This made Hux gasp. "Yeah, you like that, don't you baby?" He then pressed himself into Hux. Though they were both still clothed, he knew Hux could feel his hardness pressed into his ass. This made Hux moan out loud. "Come on, my sweet little pineapple-"

"Pineapple?!"

"Shh," Ren encouraged as he continued to press into Hux and massaged his dick. "Why don't we go somewhere a little more comfortable?"

"Uh-huh," Hux managed out. They started moving away from the door, with some difficulty as neither of them wanted to let go of the other. Ren tried to press him toward the kitchen, but Hux stopped him and shoved him to the couch. "I'm not that easy, you know." He ripped open his shirt, buttons flying everywhere, and then removed his pants, his shoes and socks along the way. He stood there in front of Ren, completely naked.

'Oh my God! I need him right now! Holy fuck!'

Hux grabbed his cock and started pumping it. "You enjoying what you see?"

Ren nodded vigorously. "Oh, fuck yeah, I do!"

"Take your clothes off," Hux ordered.

Ren obeyed without hesitation. Once he was undressed, Hux straddled him and leaned down to kiss him. Ren wrapped his arms around him, touching every bit of exposed skin as he possibly could. 'God, Hux! I fucking love you! I need more!' He reached down, grabbing both of them in one large hand and began jacking them off simultaneously. Hux moaned in Ren's mouth.

Hux came first. He then pulled away to let Ren finish, far too sensitive to join in until Ren was complete. Ren finally did, making tiny little gasps as he splattered his cum all over his stomach. Hux leaned down and kissed him. When he pulled away he whispered, "Stars, you're beautiful!"

Ren smiled up at Hux. 'I've never felt beautiful before, but he makes me feel that way.'

********************************************************

Ren continued to help out at the bakery, but he didn't feel like he was really picking it up, even after having been there three days. 'I want to do well for Hux!' he complained to himself. 'I'm just such a dumb ass.'

Later that day, as they were closing up, Hux asked to talk to Ren in the back. Hux crossed his arms. "Ren, Agra, I really don't know how to say this, but..." He looked up and met Ren's gaze. "I really don't think it's working out, having you work here."

Ren sighed. "Yeah," he said as he looked down and ran his fingers through his hair. "I was kind of feeling the same way, but I didn't want to disappoint you," he added as he looked back up at Hux.

Hux smiled at him. "Well, then I think we BOTH see it's probably better if you DIDN'T work here."

Ren nodded. "I swear, I'll find a job as soon as I can. And until then I'll keep the apartment clean and do the dishes and-"

Hux stepped forward and grabbed Ren's hands and then kissed him. "Agra, it's fine. You don't have to take care of the flat. It's fine." He kissed him again.

'I'm gonna start looking for a job first thing tomorrow.'

********************************************************

The next day, Ren scoured the internet for job listings. 'No one is hiring because it's after the holidays. Fuck! Not that I want to deal with retail. I mean, dealing the customers at the mechanics shop wasn't bad, the bakery too.' Ren sighed. 'I should have just kept going to school and everything would be fine.' Ren dropped his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes.

There was a knock at the door, jolting Ren from the doze that he knew was coming on. He rubbed his eyes and set his laptop on the coffee table. He got up and answered the door. "Mom?"

"Your father told me what happened," she answered. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Ren crossed his arms. "I'm fine."

Leia reached out and touched his arm. "Can I come in and talk?"

Ren sighed as he stepped aside for Leia to come in. They both sat on the couch, neither of them saying anything for a few minutes.

Leia sighed. "I'm sorry about your father-"

"HE should be the one apologizing," Ren said angrily. "Not YOU."

"Ben," Leia said tenderly as she rested her hand on his knee. "I'm sorry it happened the way that it did. But I agree with your father. You should have registered for this quarter."

"Why?" Ren pulled away from his mother. "Why should I bother with school? What if that's not what I want with my life?"

Leia raised an eyebrow. "Then what DO you want with your life?"

Ren's shoulders dropped. "I don't know." He ran his fingers absent-mindedly through his hair.

"I thought you WANTED to be an engineer?"

"I DO, Mom!" Ren exclaimed as he looked at Leia.

"Then what's wrong with school?" Leia questioned.

"Nothing!" Ren shouted as he stood up. He began pacing. "I just wanted to take a break, ya know? I mean, I graduated high school and then I was thrown right into college. I just..." He stopped pacing and paused. "I just want a chance to have an adult life for a bit."

"Maybe you should start ACTING like an adult then," Leia suggested.

Ren stopped pacing. "What's THAT supposed to mean?"

Leia sighed. "Ben, sweetie, I didn't come here to argue-"

"What do you mean I should act like an adult!?" Ren yelled.

"Just that, Ben," Leia answered in a pleading tone. "Your outbursts and your anger. You need to control it."

"I CAN control it!" Ren argued back.

Leia sighed. "You can't see it because you don't want to. You think that all the meditation and whatever nonsense Luke has taught you has made a difference. It hasn't."

"Fuck you!" Ren yelled. "You don't know what I'm like from day to day! You don't see-"

"But I DID see, before you moved out."

Ren crossed his arms. "You mean, before I was KICKED out," Ren corrected.

Leia shook her head. "I never wanted that to happen, Ben."

"Yeah, well, it did." He paused and then said, "There anything else? I think you should go."

Leia looked at her son in a pleading manner. "Ben-"

"You should go," Ren repeated himself.

Leia sighed and stood up. "I'm sorry." Ren looked up at her and before he could ask she added, "For everything." She went to Ren and kissed his cheek before she left.

Ren could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. 'She doesn't know me. She's NEVER known me! Who the fuck does she... Just..."

"FUCK!" Ren yelled as he turned and punched the wall. He did it again and again, until his knuckles bled. He dropped to the floor and sobbed.

'I'm never going to be good enough. I fuck up EVERYTHING! I... I...'

Then Ren did something he hadn't done in a long time. He took his pocket knife from his pant pocket and opened it up. 'It looks the same as it did before. The way it shines in the light.' He pressed it to his arm. 'Don't fucking do it, you dumb ass!' He pulled the knife away. He stared down at his wrist. 'Why not? Why would it matter? It's not like anyone cares. Shut up! Are you fucking stupid?! Hux loves you! At least, Hux SAYS he loves you. But how could he love someone as fucked up as me?!' He put the blade to his skin again. 'You don't have to do this! You... You don't have to! No, but I want to!"

Ren pressed the knife down and slide it across his skin. He gasped at the initial pain, but then he stared down at the blood pooling from his arm. He put the knife to his wrist again and pressed in. He slid it across his skin, slowly this time, letting himself feel the pain. Ren dropped his knife to the floor and stared at the blood on his arm. 'What the fuck have you done!?'

Tears fell from his eyes. "Fucking, fuck, FUCK!" He grabbed his knife and threw it across the room. "You fucking son of a bitch! What the fuck is wrong with you!?" He started to sob. "I'm so sorry!" Ren didn't know exactly who this supplication was meant for, but he knew he truly meant it.

********************************************************

By the time Hux had come home, Ren had cleaned himself up and put on a sweatshirt to hide his cuts. Ren smiled at him when he came in through the door. "Evening, Gingerbread!"

"Good evening to you too." Hux took off his coat and scarf. "How was your day?"

'Absolute shit,' he said to himself.

Out loud he answered, "Fine. Did some job searching for a bit. But didn't do much else. How was your day?"

"Fine," Hux answered as he walked over to where Ren sat on the couch. He straddled his lap and kissed him. "It's much better now that I'm home with you."

Ren smiled up at him weakly. 'I should tell him.' Before he could think more on it, Hux kissed him again. He then pulled away and stood up.

"How about some dinner?" Hux asked. He grabbed Ren's hands and pulled him to his feet.

"I'm okay," Ren answered.

Hux gave him a disapproving look. "I'm sure you're hungrier than you realize." He went to the kitchen and Ren followed.

Ren leaned against the wall, watching Hux. He was taking pots and pans out of cupboards and then food and spices and things from the fridge and from the pantry. 'I love watching him do this. He's so happy. I wish I could make him that happy. Shut up! You DO make him happy. He tells you that all the time, you moron! But he deserves better than me. He could be so much happier, he just doesn't realize it.'

"Ren? Are you alright?" Hux asked from where he stood at the stove.

Ren looked up at him. "Yeah," he answered. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Hux replied. He turned off the burners and went over to Ren. "Agra, what's wrong?" He tried to grab his hands, but Ren wouldn't uncross his arms. He settled for grabbing his elbows. "Tell me?" he begged.

Ren shrugged. "It's nothing. I'm fine," he answered as he pushed away from the wall and headed for the living room.

"Ren," Hux called as he grabbed his wrist.

Ren gasped in pain and ripped his arm away. "Fuck!"

'Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, fucking shit! Fuck!'

Hux furrowed his brows in concern. "Ren, what's wrong?"

Ren held his wrist with his other hand close to his body. "It... It's... It's nothing," he stammered out. He started walking backwards.

"What's wrong with your wrist, Ren?" Hux asked in worry as he stepped closer.

Ren backed up against the wall and started sobbing. "Please, please don't be mad at me!?"

"Mad at you for what?" Hux stepped right up to him and pulled his hand away. He pushed up his sweatshirt sleeve to reveal the large bandage he had there. It was starting to pool blood. "My God! Did you do this to yourself?!" He looked into Ren's eyes, searching for an answer.

"I'm sorry!" Ren sobbed. "I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry! Don't hate me, please?!"

Hux pulled him close and held him tight; tighter than he'd ever held him before. "Ren, darling, it's alright!" Hux was crying too now. "I've got you. It's going to be alright." He shushed him as he smoothed down his hair.

Ren kept apologizing over and over until Hux couldn't make out the words between his sobs. 'I'm so fucking stupid! Why would he want me after this?! I'm just a messed up, stupid kid!'

Hux eventually pulled away and silently pulled Ren to their room. He made him lay down and then laid down behind him, still holding him close. Hux didn't speak. He just listened to Ren cry.

It took some time, but Ren's tears finally came to a halt. Hux took the opportunity to ask him what had been pressing on his mind. "What happened, Ren? It's alright, you can tell me."

Ren sniffled. "You must hate me."

"Never," Hux assured him. "Please, tell me what happened?"

Ren took a deep breath. "I just feel so stupid, Hux. I'm a loser. I don't have anything to offer you. I'm pathetic and useless and I'm just... I have... I'm nothing, Hux. And you deserve so much more!" Tears started to fall again, but he wasn't hyperventilating this time.

"Why do you think that?"

"Because it's true-"

"No, it's not," Hux replied quickly. "I don't know how all that nonsense has gotten into your head, but it's not true. Why did you hurt yourself?"

"I don't know," Ren answered. "I just... I wanted the pain to go away. I'm sorry, Hux. I'm sorry!"

Hux let go of a deep breath. "Were you... Were you trying to kill yourself?" The question came out in a quiver of fear.

"No," Ren answered. "I just... I don't know. I'm so dumb."

"You're not dumb," Hux assured him. "You're not stupid. Alright?"

"You don't hate me for it? You're not mad at me?"

"To be completely honest with you, I'm FUCKING pissed!" In a whisper Hux added, "But I don't hate you. I could NEVER hate you. And I'm far more concerned than I am angry. You understand that, don't you Ren? I'm scared."

Ren rolled over and looked at Hux. "Scared of what?"

Hux took a deep breath. "You remember how you felt when I had my panic attack? At a complete loss because you didn't know what to do? That's how I feel now. I wish I knew what to do. I wish I could be more for you, Ren."

Ren looked at Hux in confusion. "What do you mean, 'be more for me'?"

Hux sighed. "I wish you would believe me when I tell you how wonderful you are. I wish you could see what it is that I see. Maybe then, THIS wouldn't happen."

Ren's breath started coming in shorter. "I'm sorry, Hux. I swear, I won't ever do it again. I promise!"

Hux sighed and nodded. "I wish I knew what more to say." He rested his forehead against Ren's. "I love you. More than you know. More than you could imagine." They remained like that until they both fell asleep.

********************************************************

 

The next morning, Ren woke to Hux still being in bed with him. He was sitting up though, reading glasses on, reading a book. Ren didn't want to disturb him, so he laid there quietly.

"Sleep well?" Hux asked without looking up from his book.

"Yeah," Ren answered. "You?"

Hux closed his book, put it on his nightstand, and took off his glasses. He rubbed at his eyes as he set his glasses on his book. "Ren, love," he looked over to him, "are you alright?"

Ren really thought about it. 'Am I? I mean, I know I fucked up last night, but was it just a one time screw up? Or is there something seriously wrong? Maybe I'm just depressed because of Dad and all that shit that went down. I'm sure I'm okay.'

Ren nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay."

Hux combed his fingers through Ren's hair. "Care to explain to me what happened last night?"

Ren shrugged. "I don't know if I can." Ren sat up. "I haven't done that in a long time." He crossed his arms and looked down. "I used to, years ago. Rey caught me and made me stop. That's when I really got involved with Luke and everything he taught me."

"But why did you do it last night?" Hux asked as he grabbed his hands. He ran his thumbs over Ren's knuckles. "Your knuckles are bruised." He looked up at Ren with a disappointed expression. "Did you punch a wall again?"

Ren pulled his hands away. "No!" He looked down again. "Maybe." His eyes started to water. "I'm sorry, Hux."

"Ren, beloved." He grabbed Ren's face and made him look at him. "I just worry about you. And it scares me to come home to this."

"I'm sorry! I just... I get so angry sometimes! And I... I don't know where to chanel all this negative energy! It just... I don't know. Please, please don't be mad at me."

"Grá mo chroí, why would I be angry at you?"

Ren sniffled. "Dad was when he found out, when I did it when I was younger. He was pissed."

Hux lovingly stroked his cheek. "I'm not your father."

Ren nodded. "I know."

'But maybe I'm scared that one day you'll see me the way HE does. Like the pathetic, worthless, child I am.'

Hux stayed home with Ren all day. Holding him and talking to him.

'I wish I were a better boyfriend. I just wish I wasn't the way I am. I'll be better! I HAVE to be! For Hux.'

********************************************************

The next day, Hux went back to work. Ren could tell how hesitant he was to do so, but Hux left any way. Ren decided to keep looking for a job. He put in so many applications online, he was starting to think his fingers would fall off from typing so much. He sighed and set his laptop down. He was getting hungry and lunch sounded like a good idea.

Ren went to work making Mac and cheese when suddenly his phone rang. He didn't recognize the number, but he answered any way.

"Hello?"

"What in the Hell have you done to Hux?" came Phasma's voice on the other line.

"Oh, hey, uh, what do you mean?"

"Don't play coy with me, you little shit!" Phasma yelled. "I don't think I've EVER seen him this morose before. What happened?"

Ren sighed. "I did something the other day he didn't really approve of," Ren answered.

"Then FIX. IT! I hate seeing him like this," Phasma replied.

"I don't know how," Ren said in frustration.

Phasma sighed heavily. "I can't believe I'm telling you this. You owe me BIG time, alright?" Almost in a whisper she added, "Hux's birthday is this weekend."

"What? Really?!"

"Yes, Friday. Now, he doesn't WANT a big ta-do about it, but you need to make it special for him. Don't let him know that you know, just tell him you wanted to do something special for him to make up for whatever bull shit you did."

Ren nodded. "Okay."

"Don't mess this up." She hung up.

'Hux's birthday is this weekend! Shit, what am I gonna do?! Phasma said simple. Okay. Think. Think! I'll take him to dinner and even invite Phasma and Rose. Just a simple evening out.'


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux's birthday comes. Ren finds a job. Luke's wife comes to visit. Hux starts interviews to find a new employee.

Hux wasn't himself all week. He was still concerned about Ren. How could he do something like that?! What would possess him to hurt himself like that?! Hux wasn't just angry about it, he was livid. He couldn't imagine a need or desire to inflict pain upon oneself. His father doled out enough pain for him there was no reason to consider it. Suicide had crossed his mind in those early years, but never hurting himself for the sake of it.

Hux stood in front of his father's gun cabinet. It would be so easy. So simple. He opened it, almost reverently and stared at the array of firearms. It wouldn't take long and if he did it right, it would be over almost before it even started. He didn't WANT to die, he just wanted the pain to end. He didn't want the bruises and cuts he had to hide on a regular basis. He didn't want to have to try and convince himself that he wasn't even hungry, after his father had sent him to bed without supper for the third night in a row. No, he didn't want to die, but he didn't know of any other way to make it stop.

He took a deep breath and reached in for a small handgun.

"Armitage!" He leapt back, his eyes widening when he realised it was his father. "What do you think you're doing?!"

"I... Um... I was just... Uh-"

Brendol stepped forward and grabbed him around the throat. Hux knew it was of no use to claw at his large hand, but he did it out of instinct any way. "What have I told you about playing with my guns?!"

"I'm sorry father, Colonel! Sir!" Hux choked out barely.

Brendol shoved him against the wall, banging his head hard. "How many times have I told you, NOT to call me 'father'!?" He pulled Hux away and then shoved him against the wall again, once again smacking his head hard. "You're not a child, Armitage!" He squeezed harder around his throat, constricting his airway completely. Hux continued to fight against him, but it was in vain.

Brendol finally threw him to the floor. Hux coughed and sputtered, trying to once again force his lungs to work as they should. "I... I'm... Sorry... Colonel... Sir!" He could feel the tears coming on. He begged himself not to let them fall, but, he couldn't stop them.

Brendol stepped toward him and kicked him in the stomach. Hux fell over and grabbed his sides. "Don't EVER touch my guns again, boy! Do you understand me?!"

"Yes, sir," Hux replied weakly.

Much of his childhood and growing up years had been like that. Sometimes he was amazed he'd managed to survive at all. He tried not to think on it or Ren as he busied himself with work.

"Hux, luv," Phasma said to him tenderly as they were closing up. "Are you alright?"

Hux didn't look at her when he answered with, "I'm fine, Phas."

Phasma sighed. "You seem out of sorts."

"I said 'I'm fine'!" Hux repeated angrily. He felt bad for taking it out on her. He wanted to talk to her about it, but he was still too angry to really put it into words. Besides, he was certain this was one of those things that Ren would say was too personal for him to share with anyone else. Hux sighed. "I'm just stressed, luv. Sorry I snapped at you."

Phasma smiled back it him. "It's alright, it's already forgotten."

*******************************************************

 

Ren excitedly greeted him at the door when he came home. He kissed Hux without warning. He pulled away and smiled. "I have exciting news!"

Hux smiled. "You're pregnant?" he joked.

Ren chuckled and shook his head. "I got a job!"

"Really?! That was quick." Hux pushed his way in and closed the door. "How did this come about?"

Ren helped him out of his coat as he spoke. "I went to put in some applications around town. There are still some places that do paper applications, isn't that crazy! Any way," he grabbed Hux's hands and pulled him to the sofa, "I saw a help wanted sign at a hotel in town. I figured, why not stop in and ask. They said they were actually looking for a maintenance guy or handyman type thing, so I applied! Spoke to the manager right then and there and she said I could start on Monday!"

Hux smiled. "That's exciting, Agra!"

Ren beamed with joy. Hux was glad to see him in something beyond the self-loathing state he'd found him the other day when he came home from work. "I'm excited too," Ren replied, his smile never faltering.

Hux couldn't help seeing a complete difference in the man. Ren had reason and purpose and it filled him with such a bright light, it was contagious really. "Well, we should celebrate," Hux suggested.

Ren nodded vigorously. "We should go to dinner on Friday!" Ren suggested. "I know a great little place, I've been wanting to take you there-"

"I should take YOU somewhere," Hux argued. "We're celebrating YOU after all."

"Then let's go to the place I want to go!" Ren replied.

Hux smiled and shook his head. "Alright, wherever you would like to go, Acushla, we'll go."

********************************************************

 

Hux couldn't help feeling there was something going on. Friday seemed casual, it seemed like any other day, but there was a feeling in the air that just felt, off.

"Oh, I made this for you," Phasma said after they'd closed up. She presented him with a small six inch round cake that had 'Happy Birthday' pipped on the top.

Hux glared slightly. "Thank you," he managed through gritted teeth.

Phasma smiled broadly. "Oh, you're quite welcome."

"You haven't told, Ren, have you?"

Phasma was taken aback. "Of course not! Why? Do you think he knows?"

Hux shook his head and sighed. "I don't know. I don't THINK he does, however... I don't know, it just feels as though he's up to something."

Phasma frowned. "I thought dinner tonight was just celebrating him getting a job?"

"It is," Hux paused and then added, "unless it's some nefarious scheme to lull me into a false sense of security. But, there's no way he could know!"

Phasma laughed. "Then stop fretting over it, luv!" She kissed his cheek. "I have to go home and change and pick up Rose. So, we'll see you there.

Hux waved her goodbye as she left. He was certain there was no way for Ren to have figured out when his birthday was. He reminded himself that there was nothing to worry about as he locked up and headed home.

The flat was unusually quiet. Hux shook his head and told himself he was being paranoid. Ren stepped out from the bathroom in just a towel. He smiled over to Hux. "Hey, Gingerbread. How was your day?"

"Fine," he replied as he peeled off his outer layers. "How was yours?"

Ren shrugged as he leaned against the door frame, crossing his arms as he did. "Wasn't bad. You ready for dinner?"

"I've got to dress, but yes." Hux followed Ren into the bedroom. Hux began undressing so he could put on something more suitable for a night out. He casually looked at Ren while he dried and dressed. Even after the few months they'd been together, he was still enthralled by him. He was tall and lean and yet muscular. His light skin was covered in sprinkles of moles, like someone had taken a paint brush and flicked the end. Hux couldn't help feeling as though he wanted to lick every one of them.

Ren finally felt Hux's gaze on him and looked over. "What?"

Hux smiled. "I just enjoy looking at you."

He could see Ren blush just the tiniest bit as he dropped his head and smiled. "Okay," was his only response as he continued to dress.

Hux focused on his change of clothes, but kept glancing in Ren's direction. He understood the embarrassment Ren felt with Hux staring. Hux felt much the same way. But under Ren's gaze, he felt beautiful. He never felt that way with DJ, rather the opposite since DJ often told him he WASN'T very good looking at all.

"I don't know why you bother," DJ said with a cruel chuckle. Hux was standing in the bathroom, combing his hair and smoothing it down with a bit of product.

"I'm trying to look presentable," Hux replied. His cheeks were getting hot, he already knew where this was going.

"There's only so much you can do, babe," DJ replied as he leaned against the door frame. "You can't make yourself attractive, you just gotta accept that you're kind of funny looking."

Hux put his comb down and looked at him. "Why do you say things like that?"

DJ laughed. "Because it's true."

"Why are you like this?!" Hux yelled, fighting back tears. "Why do you say shit like that to me?!"

"Hux, babe," DJ went to him and wrapped his arms around Hux's waist. "No one else could ever love you." He brushed hair from Hux's forehead. "I know you aren't worth a lot, but it's okay. I still care for you. You're lucky I found you. No one else would want you."

"Then why do YOU?" Hux asked as he let the tears fall.

DJ smiled. "I like broken things."

Hux ignored this memory that surfaced and continued to dress. He put on black slacks and a dark gray button up shirt adding a simple black and white patterned tie. He glanced at Ren who was also finishing up dressing. He also wore black pants, but he wore the same white button up he'd worn when they attended church for Christmas. He wore a plain red tie. Hux chuckled as he watched Ren once again struggle to tie it.

Ren finally gave up, dropping his arms to his sides with a deep sigh. "Would you mind?" he asked a little embarrassed.

Hux smiled and made his way over to Ren. He took the silk fabric between his hands and began looping it this way and that. "You're going to have to learn to do this on your own you know," he teased.

Ren smiled. "But I got you, so why do I need to learn?" He kissed Hux once he was finished tying the tie. "You ready to go out then?"

"Yes," he answered, "just, one more thing." He pulled Ren close for another long, satisfying kiss. He finally pulled away. "That's better. We can get going now."

********************************************************

The restaurant Ren had picked was very nice indeed. Ren had actually had to make reservations in advance. Hux hadn't been to a place like this since he'd lived with his father. The last time it was because Brendol was trying to acquaint himself with the headmaster at the university Hux had chosen. Brendol was proud that Hux had chosen a school from their true home, Europe. But secretly, Hux had chosen it to get as far away from him as he possibly could.

Brendol had them fly out to meet with the headmaster directly. "Armitage is a brilliant man. He'd be an excellent addition to your university, I assure you."

"And what is your field of study," the headmaster asked Hux politely.

Hux took a sip from his wine, grateful they were in Europe where he could drink it at his age. He didn't think it would have been possible to get through that night if he couldn't drink.

"Electronics interest me, sir, computers to be more specific," Hux answered. "But I am always open to suggestions."

The headmaster chewed thoughtfully. "You said you were in the states. Perhaps something like MIT would be a better fit for you."

"I haven't made this decision lightly," Hux replied. "Colonel and I vetted every choice very carefully. YOUR school is the one I want to attend."

That dinner had been awkward and unsettling, but sitting with Ren in the well lit room felt peaceful. "Phasma said they'd meet us here," Hux informed Ren.

Ren smiled and grabbed his hand under the table. "They can take as long as they'd like. It gives me time to have you all to myself." He leaned over and kissed Hux. Hux was still uncomfortable with displaying affection so openly in public, but this was supposed to be a special night for Ren, so Hux pressed into the kiss in return.

Ren, of course, took advantage of Hux's willingness and slowly slid his tongue in. This made Hux pull away. He could feel his face flush. He was certain everyone was staring at them.

"Gentlemen," a sweet voice spoke to them. Both Hux and Ren looked up to see who had spoken to them. A slight woman stood before them. She was lovely, with a very strong facial structure and dark hair pulled back from her face. She smiled kindly. "Ben, it's lovely to see you again. Who is your friend?"

Ren wrapped his arm around Hux's back. "This is my boyfriend, Hux. This is Unamo, the owner of this wonderful establishment."

"A pleasure," Hux replied.

"The sentiment is mutual," she said with a smile. "The Solo-Organ clan have been coming here for years. I've known Ben since he was just a wee little boy." She reached over and ruffled his hair.

Ren smiled with a chuckle. Hux glanced over at him. The way his face brightened was just magical. Hux felt like he could see a glimpse of him as the young innocent child he must have been once.

"You boys ready to order?" Unamo asked.

"We're actually waiting for the other half of our party," Ren answered. "And there they are." Ren waved Phasma and Rose over.

Phasma looked stunning. She was in a dark blue pant suit and actually wore make-up. Her eyes were dark and she wore a bright red lipstick. Hux wasn't surprised she hadn't shown up in a dress; he didn't think she even OWNED one.

Rose was in a simple yellow dress. It matched her bright smile. "Ladies," Unamo welcomed as she pulled a chair out for Rose.

"Thank you," Rose said as she sat down. Unamo then pulled a chair for Phasma.

"Thank you," Phasma echoed.

"Well, I must get back to my kitchen," Unamo said. "Ben, no alcohol for you."

Ren smiled. "What? I totally have an ID."

Unamo smirked. "Yes, a fake one. I am NOT going to lose my establishment over you." She turned on her heel and left.

Phasma looked at Ren. "You know the owner?"

Ren shrugged. "My mom and dad have been coming here since before I was born."

A waiter came by to take their drink orders. Ren sighed and begrudgingly ordered water while Rose and Phasma decided to share a red wine. Hux also order just water.

"You don't have to do that because I can't have any," Ren encouraged. "You can have whatever you want."

"I'll drink with you at home later," Hux replied as he leaned forward and gave Ren a quick peck on the lips. "Now, why don't you tell me what's best on the menu?"

They ordered and their food was brought to them quicker than Hux had expected. He didn't know if it was because that was typical for the service here or if it was because of Ren's connection to the owner. They chatted while they ate. Hux finally realised that Phasma was giving him the strangest look.

"What?" he asked her.

She shrugged as she went back to her plate. "I just wouldn't have expected you to ALLOW your boyfriend to feed you in the middle of a restaurant. That's all."

"What?" Hux was confused and then it had clicked to him, Ren had been feeding him every once in a while. It was so common place to him, since they did it around the flat all the time, that he hadn't even realised they were doing it. He was embarrassed that he'd allowed it to happen in public though. However, it had already happened, so there was no reason to to stop it now.

It was strange to Hux, but he found more and more that he wasn't minding Ren's mild displays of his affection out in public. Hux just shrugged. "You're just jealous you don't have someone feeding you."

Phasma huffed, but couldn't hide the smile on her lips. "I prefer to be the one doing the feeding." She grabbed her fork, scooped up a forkful of Rose's dish, and fed it to her. Rose laughed but didn't seem to mind. Rose and Phasma traded off and on feeding one another while Ren only fed Hux a few bites here and there.

After dinner, they had dessert. Hux felt at complete peace here amongst those he cherished most. He was still glad Ren didn't know it was his birthday, but he felt it was probably the best birthday he'd ever had.

Once they were back at the flat, Ren casually led Hux to the sofa and started kissing him slowly. Hux sighed into the kiss Ren gently pressed to his mouth.

Ren pulled away and whispered, "I have a confession to make."

Hux smiled. "Do I WANT to know?" Hux asked as he started to undo Ren's tie.

Ren chuckled. "I'm sure you'll be pissed."

Hux flung the tie aside and started slowly undoing each button on Ren's shirt slowly. "Then why don't you tell me AFTER I'm done fucking you?" He kissed Ren deeply, pressing his tongue into his mouth causing Ren to sigh.

"I feel guilty though," he replied as Hux started kissing down his neck to his collarbone.

"Well," he continued to press kisses to Ren's skin as he spoke, "I suppose you could tell me now." He started nibbling gently. Ren moaned in pleasure. "But I think it might be best to wait."

Ren made some sound that sounded as though he were in agreement. This made Hux smile. He enjoyed listening to the sounds Ren made, the way he simply fell apart for him. Hux felt a bit of pride, remembering no one else had ever had Ren this way.

He pulled Ren's arms out of his shirt and pulled his tank off, over his head. He continued to trail gentle kisses down his body, stopping to suck and bite bits of his flesh to leave marks. Once Hux had made it to the top of his trousers, he began to undo his belt.

"No, Hux, you shouldn't," Ren protested weakly.

Hux chuckled, "And why not, Agra?"

"It's YOUR birthday, not MINE."

Hux stopped and looked up at Ren. Ren glanced down at him. "What?"

"Yeah, that's kind of the confession I wanted to make," Ren replied as he bit his lip.

Hux glared as he sat up. "Did Phasma tell you?"

"Um, maybe?"

Hux stood up. "That little bitch! I swear-"

Ren sat up and grabbed his hand. "Hey, hun, it's not that big of a deal."

"Oh, but it is! I'm gonna-"

Ren stood up quickly and pulled Hux to him, pressing his lips to his for a deep kiss. "Come on, let me take care of you." Ren pulled Hux to their room and pulled him down to the bed, kissing him along the way. "Why do you hate your birthday any way?" Ren asked as he undid Hux's tie and began unbuttoning his shirt.

"It's just never been an enjoyable day," Hux answered. Ren had opened his shirt and was now kissing his neck. Hux tilted his head back and closed his eyes. "Colonel made it quite clear I was nothing special, so there was no need to have a day to celebrate me."

"Your dad's an asshole," Ren mumbled through his gentle ministrations to Hux's neck. He was gently biting and sucking now. Hux knew there would be hickeys there by the end of this, but at that moment, he very well didn't care.

"I was teased about being born in January too," Hux explained further.

Ren stopped and laughed. He looked at Hux. "What?!"

"It's not funny, Ren," Hux exasperated. "Winters are VERY cold in Ireland, which is where I was born." He shook his head. "I've always been rather distant from people. Some would even say I was cold. I was teased with the name 'ice boy' mercilessly."

Ren shook his head. "You're not cold," he replied kindly. "You're an introvert, sure, but you're not COLD." He brushed hair out of Hux's eyes. "And I think it makes you my snow prince."

Hux smiled. "Your what?" He thought Ren was crazy.

"You were born in January, on a cold winter's night. And your skin," he lightly traced his fingers along Hux's arm, "it's white like snow."

Hux laughed. "Some would call that pale."

Ren shook his head. "But you're not! Your skin is just," he kissed his neck again, "perfect, like untouched fallen snow."

Hux closed his eyes. "God, Ren... I love you, SO much."

"And I love you." Ren chuckled and added, "My snow prince."

********************************************************

 

Sunday night, they had plans to join Luke for dinner. "Mara should be here in the next half hour," Luke said as he busied himself around the kitchen.

"Who's Mara again?" Hux asked as he set plates at the kitchen nook.

"Luke's wife, kind of, sort of, I'm not even sure any more," Ren answered as he washed dishes as soon as Luke was done using them. "She's still Mara Jade, right? She never actually took your last name?"

"No, she didn't. Mara and I... Well, it's complicated. See, Mara and I... Well, we DID get married, TECHNICALLY. We met on this island out in the Caribbean and..." Luke laughed. "We had FAR too much to drink. There was some kind of ritual we joined in and the next morning, we were told we'd been married."

Hux laughed. "You what, jumped over a broom together?"

Luke chuckled. "Something like that." Luke took a deep breath. "God, I haven't seen her in years!"

Ren laughed. "It's been about five years hasn't it?"

"What's she do that keeps her away so long?" Hux asked setting the silverware out.

"We have no idea," Ren answered. "But we've guessed CIA or something."

"You're serious?"

Luke shrugged. "She hasn't confirmed OR denied it."

Just then, the doorbell buzzed.

Ren quickly dried his hands. "I'll go get it!" he said excitedly. He grabbed Hux's hand and dragged him along. "Come on!" They practically flew down the steps and nearly ran to the backdoor where after hour guests came.

Ren flung the door open and smiled. "Mara!" He wrapped his arms around the tall red-headed woman who stood there. He picked her up and twirled her around. "It's so good to see you!" He squeezed her tightly.

She laughed, throwing her head back as she did. "Kylo! Put me down!" Ren did so. She smiled up at him and tenderly stroked his cheek. "Oh, Kylo, you've gone off and grown up haven't you?" She clicked her tongue. "What a shame, now you're tall and handsome and... You have facial hair! God, I've missed you!" She pulled him into another tight hug.

Hux stood there in confusion. Why on Earth was she calling him 'Kylo'?! His given name was Ben and his chosen name Ren. Where the Hell did 'Kylo' come in?

"Mara," Ren pulled away, "I wanted to introduce you to my boyfriend-"

"Armitage Hux," she said plainly as she extended her hand. "It's a pleasure."

Hux was even more confused. How did she know his name? Did Ren already tell her about him? He accepted her hand. "Indeed."

She released her grip and looked at him, almost studying. "I am CURIOUS to know how my sweet nephew seems to have fallen in with the likes of you."

Did she not like him, Hux wondered? What could he have possibly done in the thirty seconds of meeting one another to upset her?

"Ren walked into my shop one day," Hux answered. "My life has never been the same since."

"Hmm." She looked at Ren. "It's just 'Ren' now? Last I knew it was 'KYLO Ren'."

Ren smiled and crossed his arms. "It didn't last long. Kylo Ren just felt like too much after a while. Ren feels right."

Mara smiled at him. She gave him a kiss on the forehead. "Whatever makes you happy, Ren." She wrapped an arm around Ren's waist. "Now, let's go see what that uncle of yours is up to."

The three of them went inside. Hux followed behind them as they ascended the stairs to Luke's loft apartment.

Luke smiled as they came in. "Mara."

"Luke," she returned with a smile. She let go of Ren and went to Luke. She snaked her arms around Luke's neck and pulled him in tight, kissing him passionately. She pulled away and rested her forehead on his. "God, I've missed you."

"Maybe you shouldn't stay away so long," he teased.

"How else am I supposed to miss you unless I'm away."

Luke chuckled. "Well, dinner's ready."

They all sat down at the breakfast nook together. It was a tight squeeze with all four of them, but no one seemed too concerned.

"So, where have you been the last few years?" Ren asked with interest.

Mara shrugged. "Here and there. Europe mostly. I was in Ireland for a while, which is where you're originally from, isn't it Armitage?"

Now, Hux knew he wasn't imagining things. How did she know where he was from?!

"That is correct," Hux tried to say casually. "And it's Hux."

Ren looked at her in question. "How did you know Hux's name? And where he's from?"

Mara took a sip from her wine. "You think I didn't have a background check done on the man my nephew was dating?"

Luke shook his head. "Invasion of privacy, if you ask me."

Mara glared at him playfully. "Well, I didn't. And besides, we as a people have to be willing to give up SOME privileges if we ALSO desire security and safety."

"Sometimes it's not worth the cost," Luke retorted.

Ren laughed. "I understand why you two were never able to live together."

They continued to talk throughout the meal, but Hux had become quiet. It was eerie how this woman seemed to know quite a bit about him. He worried about what else she might know.

After dinner, they sat around the living area together. Luke had taken Ren's advice and gotten a small sofa. Ren and Hux sat there together, Hux subtly curled up in Ren's arms, while Luke and Mara brought the bar stools over and sat down.

"How are Leia and Han?" Mara asked Ren.

He looked down. "I haven't talked to them in a while."

"You and Han fighting again?" she teased.

"He kicked me out a few months ago," Ren answered, "and he fired me from the shop earlier this week."

Mara's features fell. "Kylo, honey, I mean, Ren. I'm so sorry. How does Leia feel about all of this?"

Ren shrugged. "She came by the other day and we argued. I think she's mostly on Dad's side."

"You forget I'M on your father's side with this issue as well," Hux added in.

"What issue is that exactly?" Mara asked skeptically.

Hux could tell already that he did NOT like this woman. "That Ren should stay in school," Hux answered.

Mara shrugged. "If Ren doesn't want to be in school, then he shouldn't be."

"Mara, you don't have to defend me," Ren piped in. "Besides, Hux and I have already talked about it. I'm just taking a break. I'll be going back spring quarter."

Mara looked at Ren. "Make sure you do what makes YOU happy. Don't do what will make others happy. YOUR happiness is what's important."

Ren smiled. "Okay."

"Well," Mara said as she stood up, "I'm gonna head out for a smoke. Anyone care to join me? Hux, how about you?"

Hux felt his heart pounding. He really didn't want to be alone with this Mara Jade. "Well, I-"

Ren pushed his shoulder. "Go ahead, Gingerbread. She won't bite."

"I told you, Ren, I don't really smoke-"

"Oh, please, I know you do other than after we have sex." Hux attempted to deny it but Ren went on, "I saw you grab a smoke with Uncle Lando at Christmas and with Phasma's dad. It's okay. Go on."

Hux sighed. He figured Ren wanted him to get to know Mara, so he stood up. "Very well, Mara, after you." He followed her down the stairs and out the back door. They made certain to prop it open so they could get back in.

Mara took out a lighter and pack of cigarettes. She offered it to Hux after she took one out for herself. "Thank you," he said kindly as he accepted it. He handed the pack back to her and accepted the lighter. He breathed out a bit of smoke. "So, care to tell me the truth on how you know so much about me?"

Mara smiled. "I'm sure you'd love to know."

"Yes, I would," Hux answered.

Mara took a drag and blew the smoke out. "I can't tell you."

Hux rolled his eyes as he took another drag as well. "Of course, you can't."

Mara turned and looked at Hux very seriously. "Armitage-"

"Hux," he corrected.

Mara nodded. "I apologize." She took a deep breath. "Hux, you have a right to know. You truly do. I will honestly tell you that your father is a man of interest in my line of work." She turned away and sucked in on her cigarette. "It's actually part of why I'm here. When I heard that Kylo... Ren, was dating you, I had suspicions. But you check out."

"I'm so glad to know that you and your government find it acceptable for me to be fucking Ren."

Mara laughed. "They tell you I work for the CIA or something?"

Hux shrugged. "That's what they suspect."

Mara shook her head as she brought her cigarette to her lips again. "Well, I DO work for the government, that much I can say."

Hux looked down at the ground. "So, my father, is he some sort of threat to national security or something?"

Mara shook her head. "I couldn't say. We ARE watching him closely though." She paused. "If you don't mind my asking, when was the last time you saw him?"

Hux thought back to the last time he saw his dad in person. He had escorted him to the airport. He was heading back to Europe to attend university.

"I am pleased you chose to go back home for your schooling," Brendol said as they sat there in the lobby.

"Thank you," Hux replied. He knew that was the closest to him ever hearing his father say he was proud of him.

Brendol stood up. "You have all of your papers?"

"Yes, sir," Hux answered.

"Good, have a safe flight." He turned on his heel and was gone. Hux hadn't spoken to him ever since.

Hux sighed. "I haven't spoken to him in over five years, to be truly honest." Mara nodded. "Hoping to gain some intel from me?"

Mara shook her head. "No, I just understand having an absent father, even one that's physically there. I asked because," she looked Hux in the eye and continued, "I care. You mean so much to Ren. That boy is SO in love with you." She dropped her cigarette and ground it into the cold pavement with the toe of her boot, looking down at it as she did. "Do you love him?" She looked back up at Hux.

Hux met her gaze. "Yes, unequivocally."

Mara smiled. "Good. Now, let's head back in, it's fucking freezing out here."

Hux chuckled as he followed Mara back inside. The four of them sat around for a few more hours, laughing and drinking and sharing a dessert Hux had made.

"Mara really likes you," Ren said to Hux after they'd said their goodbyes and headed home.

"She is quite a lovely woman," Hux replied.

Ren nodded. "She's pretty bad ass."

Hux chuckled. He had to agree with Ren, Mara Jade was truly an extraordinary woman.

********************************************************

 

Hux was not looking forward to Monday. After having Ren work at the bakery, he and Phasma agreed it was in their best interest to hire someone to help out. He had several interviews to do and he was NOT looking forward to them.

"How many do you have today?" Phasma asked while they were slow.

"Just two this afternoon." Hux sighed heavily. "Are you sure you don't want to take care of them?"

Phasma laughed. "Hey, I work for YOU. This is YOUR place."

"It's just as much yours too, Phas," Hux argued.

Phasma shook her head with a smile. "No, this is YOUR dream, luv. I'm just here to help out."

"And THIS isn't YOUR dream?" Hux asked as he nodded toward the birthday cake she was decorating.

Phasma shrugged. "I suppose so. But that only furthers my point that YOU'RE the boss and get to do any additional hiring."

Hux smiled and gently pushed her shoulder. He went out to the front to help a customer who had just walked in. He knew she was right, though he hated to admit it, but this was HIS. The artistry was hers, the business was his.

That afternoon, Hux sat down with his first interviewee. He was not impressed with the young man and knew half way through the interview he would NOT be a good fit. Then came in his second interview. She was tall and thin with long dark hair. She was dressed very business like, with a dark blue skirt and blazer to match. She smiled as she walked in, catching Hux's eyes. She walked forward confidently. "Are you Mr. Hux?"

"Hux, yes." He extended his hand. "You must be Willow?"

"I am," she answered with a smile.

"Well, let's have a seat over here," he offered. They went to a table in the corner and sat down. "How are you?"

"I'm great actually. How about yourself?"

"I am quite well, thank you." He paused and looked back at her application. "So, tell me about yourself?"

"Well, there's lots to know. I come from a large family. I'm number four out of six."

"Six? Wow, that IS a big family. I don't have any siblings."

"Really?!" Willow asked excitedly. "I couldn't imagine! Must have been very quiet at your house," she joked.

"Most of the time, yes," Hux answered. "So, what do you do in your off time?"

Willow shrugged. "Art has always been a hobby of mine. I do a lot of mixed media stuff."

"Really? Anything you're working on currently?"  
Willow nodded excitedly. "Yes, I'm actually doing a photo series about men and how they're being oppressed just as much if not more than women."

"Sounds interesting."

"Glad you think so. Honestly, I've gotten a lot of flack for it, especially from the feminist community."

"That doesn't surprise me." Changing the subject, Hux said, "So, tell me a bit about your work experience. Your application says you worked in fast food. Tell me about that?" Hux leaned back in his chair.

"Well, I was sixteen and ready to earn my own money. So, I did what all teenagers were expected to do and I started working at a burger place. I did that until I graduated high school, but then I went to college full-time and life just got too hectic."

"Are you in school now?" Hux asked. He was really liking Willow, but if she were in school, her schedule probably wouldn't fit for the hours they'd need her.

Willow shook her head. "No. I went because it's what you're SUPPOSED to do. I got my A.A. and realised that school wasn't for me. I'm a creator, so, scholastics doesn't really fit well into my life plan."

Hux leaned forward. "Tell me about that life plan. Where do you see yourself in the next year? Five? Ten?"

Willow paused, giving it some thought before she answered. "Honestly, I see myself working here in a year." She winked. It made Hux chuckle. "In five years, I see myself really attempting to establish myself as an artist. And in ten?" She shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I just see myself... Happy."

Hux smiled. It was an excellent answer. "That sounds like a wonderful life plan." He paused. "Do you have any questions for me?"

"Yeah, what would it be like working here? What would I be doing exactly?"

"That's a wonderful question. For now, it would just be working the front counter. Eventually we'll probably have you helping with baking, but at first it would just be customer service."

Willow smiled. "It sounds great."

"When would you be able to start?"

"Pretty much immediately. I just graduated this last quarter and been looking for work since," Willow answered.

Hux nodded. "Well, thank you for coming in." He stood up and Willow followed suit. He extended his hand. "We'll be in touch."

"Thanks," she said with a bright smile and then she left.

Hux went behind the counter where Phasma was restocking some cookies and muffins. "You seemed to like her," she mentioned.

Hux nodded. "I very much did. I'm going to check her references, but I really liked her."

"It'll be strange having someone else around here."  
Hux nodded. The two of them had been doing this for about four years now. It seemed like it had always been just the two of them, Hux and Phasma, against the world! None of Phasma's significant others ever seemed to fit in just right, until Rose came along. Phasma rarely liked Hux's choices in partners, but she liked Ren.

"It will be interesting for sure."


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren starts his new job. He and Hux make an interesting bet.

Ren couldn't contain his excitement on Monday. He got to work nearly a half hour early. "Hey," he casually greeted the woman at the front desk.

She smiled. "Can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Kathy. I start working here today."

"Oh, you must be Ren!" she said excitedly. "Kathy is in a meeting right now, but I can help you. If you'd like to wait in the office, I'll call Mr. Peavy, he'll be your supervisor."

"Sounds great," Ren replied. He came around the front desk and went to the office she had indicated. Ren sat there anxiously bouncing his knees. He was so thrilled to be working! And on a job he'd gotten on his own merit.

Ren only had to wait ten minutes before an older gentleman came into the office. "You must be, Ren. I'm Mr. Peavy. It's wonderful to have you on board."

Ren stood up and shook his hand. "I'm pleased to be here, sir."

"Just Mr. Peavy please. Well, follow me and I'll show you around."

Ren followed close behind, looking like a puppy following his brand new master. He was excited to be working! He couldn't wrap his head around it that he was doing something outside of working at his dad's shop. He'd never imagined he'd have to.

Peavy took him first to the maintenance shop. It was a small room where they could bring things that needed to be worked on. Peavy showed Ren his current project. "The toaster's heating element went out," he explained. "Got it all put together, just gotta solder these bits together. These old eyes just ain't what they used to be."

"I could do it," Ren offered.

"Show me what you got!"

Ren quickly went to work. Soldering was sometimes delicate work, but Ren was able to do it in just a few minutes.

"Nice work!" Peavy praised. "Now, let's so if it works." He pushed the lever down and it started heating up. "Like brand new!" Peavy hit the cancel button and it shut off. "Good job!" He patted him on the back. "Now, since there's not always stuff around here that needs fixin', in your down time, you're gonna help with office work, you do maintenance when it's called for. Carrie is out front, so you'll train with her today." He shook Ren's hand again. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Ren."

"You too, Mr. Peavy." Ren followed him back out to the front desk.

***

Ren got home after Hux had. Hux smiled at him as he came through the door. "How was your first day?"

"So good!" Ren exclaimed. He quickly peeled off his coat and then made his way to the couch. He flopped down next to Hux and gave him a kiss. "I met with the supervisor and got trained to work up front. It was great!"

Hux smiled. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

Ren held Hux's hand. 'I love him so much. He just makes me so happy! I want to give EVERYTHING to him! He deserves the world.'

"How was your day? Didn't you have interviews?"

"Yes," Hux answered. "They went quite well. I have a few more this week, but there was one young woman I really liked."

"That's good!" He kissed Hux again and then stood up. "How about some dinner?"

"What would you like me to make?" Hux asked.

Ren shook his head. "I'll make it."

Hux chuckled. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Mac and cheese okay?"

This made Hux laugh. 'I love making him laugh.' Ren thought with a smile. 'I know growing up was like, shit for him, with his dad the way he is, so I want to make it up to him for all the bad he's had.'

"What?" Hux asked curiously, pulling Ren from his thoughts.

Ren looked at him. He hadn't realized he'd gotten lost in his thoughts. "I just, I was thinking about you and about how much I want to make you happy."

Hux smiled. "You DO make me happy, Ren."

"Good. Now, dinner!" He dashed to the kitchen to start preparing food.

They curled up on tbe couch together after dinner and watched a movie. 'It feels like it's been forever since we last did this. I love it though. I mean, sex is GREAT, but THIS is AMAZING.' Ren snuggled in closer to Hux's chest. 'I love listening to his heartbeat and feeling his fingers in my hair.'

"I love you, Hux," Ren whispered.

Hux kissed the top of his head. "I love you too." He then tilted Ren's head up so he could properly kiss him. Ren sighed into it.

'God, I just melt when he kisses me. Every damn time!' Hux reached between Ren's legs and began massaging him gently.

Ren pulled away. "Hey, why don't we try something," Ren suggested with a wicked smile.

Hux smiled and kissed his jaw. "I'm listening."

Ren chuckled. "I bet I can go longer without sex than you."

Hux pulled away in confusion. "What?"

"You heard me," Ren answered.

"I'm not quite sure I did, seeing as what I thought you said was you were betting you could go longer without than I can."

Ren smiled. "That's EXACTLY what I said."

Hux threw his head back and laughed boisterously. "Are you bloody serious!? That's completely ridiculous! YOU'RE the one who's a randy teenager."

Ren scoffed. "YOU'RE the one who's always trying to start things."

"I most certainly am NOT!"

Ren shrugged. "I guess we'll see who caves first"

Hux smirked. "Indeed. What are the rules exactly?"

"Rules?"

"Yes! Rules! A wager like this requires some ground rules AND a reward for the winner."

"Um, I hadn't really thought about it," Ren admitted.

"Well, let's start on ground rules then," Hux began. "Both parties are allowed to kiss and touch the other with or without clothes on, but you lose if you give oral or top for anal. Do you accept?"

Ren giggled. 'He's so good at dramatic speeches like that. It's so fucking cute!'

"You know," Ren began as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Hux's ear and whispered, "you're so hot when you get all serious like that."

Hux cocked an eyebrow upward and smirked. "Oh, am I?”

"Oh, yeah," Ren answered as he pulled away and placed a gentle kiss on Hux's cheek, "you should totally do it more often, start a new career as the guy who delivers dramatic speeches-“

"Shut up," he joked as he grabbed a pillow from the couch and hit Ren with it.

Ren laughed as he vainly dodged it. “Honestly, that was hot." He then started kissing Hux, sliding his tongue gently into his mouth.

Hux pulled away for a moment. "So, you accept the rules then?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure, just kiss me."

Hux pulled away before Ren could kiss him. "And what does the winner get from this little wager?"

Ren sighed. 'I don't want to talk about ground rules and bettering, I just want to kiss his pretty face!'

Ren shrugged. "I don't know, a lap dance from the loser."

Hux laughed. "I don't think I've done that since I worked at the bar?"

Ren paused. "You gave lap dances? I thought you were a bartender."

"I was, but we all took turns doing different duties. We bartended, we waited, and sometimes, we... Well, entertained the patrons on special nights."

Ren felt a little crestfallen. 'I know Hux has done a shit-ton of stuff, but it still hurts to think about him doing stuff like that with other guys.'

"So, you were a stripper too?"

Hux laughed. "No, once a month we had a drag night at the bar," Hux explained.

Ren's mouth dropped. "You used to do drag?!"

Hux rolled his eyes. "Rarely. First Saturday every month and when the boss realized how big of a success it was, he made it the first and third Saturday every month and occasionally he had special 'drag weekends'. We didn't strip, but some of us did a few dance routines and made tips by giving lap dances."

Ren shook his head. "I would have loved to have seen that."

"I'm sure I have pictures somewhere." Hux shrugged. "Who knows, maybe I'll dress in drag for you sometime."

Ren smiled. "You'd do that for me?!"

"Anything for you, Agra." He leaned forward and kissed him.

Ren kissed back, pulling Hux closer to him. "God, you're so fucking perfect."

Hux chuckled. "How is it you always know how to say just the right thing?" he whispered just before leaning in and kissing Ren again.

Ren laughed to himself and thought, 'Probably because I say a lot of shit, so I'm bound to say SOMETHING right at SOME point.' Hux gently licked Ren's lips and pushed his tongue in and out of Ren's mouth. 'Fuck! He is so amazing! I love the way he kisses me! Every time it's like it's the first time and like he knows it might be the last. It's so amazing!'

Ren chuckled in the middle of their kiss. Hux pulled away. "What?" He then started kissing Ren's neck.

Ren smiled and shrugged. "Oh, I was just thinking about your question. About how I say the right things. It's easy really, I just have to flatter you and you literally throw yourself at me." Hux immediately went from pressing gently, sweet kisses to Ren's neck to biting him hard. "Hey, that hurt!" Ren shouted as he pulled away.

'It was funny! Guess it was the WRONG thing to say though. Hahaha!'

Hux shrugged. "Well, I suppose I was wrong. You don't ALWAYS say the right thing after all." He smiled mischievously.

“Oh, I didn’t think someone so pretty could EVER be wrong?” 

'He's gonna just throw himself at me for that, I just know he is! Thus, proving my point.'

Hux rolled his eyes with a smile. "You're not fooling me THAT easily." He pulled away to stand up, but Ren pulled him close.

“Have I ever mentioned how gorgeous your hair is?” Ren asked as he nuzzled Hux's neck.

Hux chuckled. "Shut up, you fool, and kiss me." Ren was more than happy to oblige.

***

Tuesday, Ren didn't have to go into work until later in the morning, but he still went into the bakery for his coffee and muffin.

"Morning, Gingerbread," he said with a wry smile as he walked into the backroom.

Hux turned to him and smiled. 'His smile is so beautiful! I love him SO much!'

Hux wiped his hands on his apron and walked over to Ren. He gave him a quick peck on the lips. "How are you?"

"I'm good." He ran his fingers through Hux's hair. "You're so handsome."

Hux looked at him skeptically. "Thank you."

"And your smile is like a summer breeze."

Hux glared. "What do you want?"

Ren chuckled. "Well, it worked last night."

"What worked last night?"

"That I compliment you and you just throw yourself at me."

Hux pushed him away, making Ren laugh all the more. 'He's so precious when he gets annoyed.'

"You can go away now," Hux ordered as he went back to work.

"But my muffin!" Ren whined. "And my coffee!"

Hux rolled his eyes. He handed the bag and cup to Ren. "Now get out, you menace. I have work to do."

"But sweetie pie!"

"Get out!" Hux urged as he playfully shoved him out to the front.

"Fine," Ren pouted as he headed for the door. He stopped and turned around. "Oh, Hux! You have really pretty eyes! Have I ever told you that? They're all green and perfect and I love you! Bye!" Ren then dashed out, hearing Phasma laugh at his boyish actions.

Ren got into work ten minutes early. There was a man at the front desk that day. Ren smiled and approached him. "Morning. I'm Ren."

"Yes, they told me you'd be coming in today," the man said as he continued to look at his computer. He finally looked at Ren and said, "I am a VERY competent employee and will not require your help up here at the front desk. So, please make yourself scarce."

"Aaron," Kathy's stern voice came from behind the man. He sighed as she came up behind him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You need to be NICE."

He sighed and rolled his eyes. "Sorry, Mom."

She pinched his cheek lovingly. "That's my boy." She looked up at Ren. "Mr. Peavy is working on the heating unit in room 307. Please go give him a hand."

"Absolutely!" Ren quickly clocked in and made his way to the third floor. His day consisted of him and Mr. Peavy fixing the heating unit and then checking all of the AC and heating units in each empty room. By the end of the day, Ren was exhausted, but he was still so high from his excitement of having a job that he got himself.

When Ren got home, Hux was asleep on the couch. It looked like he was going over paperwork for the bakery, but had fallen asleep doing so. Ren approached him quietly and then gently shook his shoulder. "Hey, Hux. You should go to bed."

Hux briefly opened his eyes and looked up. He nodded. "Okay." And then put his head back down.

Ren smiled and shook his head. "Okay," he scooped Hux into his arms and carried him to bed. He must have been exhausted because being carried still didn't rouse him. Ren laid beside him and stroked his cheek. 'His beard is really full now. I love it. It makes him look, I don't know, distinguished.'

He leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Before Ren realized what was happening, Hux had wrapped his arms around him and kissed him passionately.

Ren pulled away and laughed. "I thought you were asleep!"

"I was," Hux argued. "I would have kept on sleeping too if you hadn't woke me with your kisses."

Ren laughed and ran his fingers through Hux's hair. "My prince, woken by my kiss."

Hux pushed him playfully and sat up. "Sorry I fell asleep."

Ren shook his head. "Don't be."

Hux leaned over and kissed him again. "I've been thinking about you all day. Ever since this morning, when you told me how beautiful my eyes were." He kissed Ren's jaw, then went to his neck. "I've wanted you ever since."

Ren chuckled. "Are you really going to lose our bet so easily?"

Hux pulled away. "On the contrary my love." He leaned in and kissed Ren deeply.

Ren closed his eyes. 'Why did I make that stupid bet. Fuck! I want him so badly right now.'

Hux started groping him. Ren pulled away. "Hey now! I know exactly what you're trying to do!"

Hux smiled wryly as he scooted closer. "What EVER do you mean, my sweet?" Ren was nearly on the edge of the bed.

"You know EXACTLY what I mean," Ren answered as Hux crawled into a straddling position on his lap. "You're trying to seduce me so that I lose the bet!"

Hux faked shock. "I would NEVER do such a thing!" He kissed Ren again and ground his hips into him, making Ren moan. Hux pulled away and added, “But if you EVER say that I am shallow enough to jump on you if you merely compliment my looks, then I’m afraid that I shall have no choice but to simply never touch you again.”

Ren laughed. “You’re doing the dramatic speech thing again."

Hux rolled his eyes. “For god's sake Ren!”

“What? I’m not complaining! It’s sexy. YOU'RE sexy," Ren added as he ran his finger through Hux's hair.

"Shut up and kiss me," he ordered as he pressed his lips against Ren's once again. He started grinding his hips down again, pressing his clothed hard cock against Ren's.

Ren moaned as Hux tangled his fingers into his long hair and tugged on it gently. 'Fuck! I am NOT going to lose this bet, I swear to God, I won't let him.' Ren moved his hands down Hux's back and then grabbed his ass. Ren chuckled to himself. 'He DOES have a nice ass. I'd like to turn him over and pound into it. Oh, God! Hux! If he can play dirty, so can I.' Ren then stuck his hand down the back of Hux's pants. He heard Hux moan in pleasure.

He pulled away and said, "That's not fair."

"All's fair in love and war," Ren teased as he started to rub his finger against Hux's crack.

Hux sighed. "Ah! Fuck! Why did we agree on this stupid bet?!"

"You could just call me the winner and then I can fuck you out of your mind."  
Hux peeled himself away from Ren, standing up. "No, that is NOT how this is going to go. And don't even THINK about taking care of it yourself. I've just now decided that would mean you lose too."

"You can't just change the rules like that!"

Hux smiled. "All's fair in love and war." Ren stood up and Hux made an attempt to dash out of the room, but Ren grabbed him and pulled him back down to the bed. He kissed his neck making Hux moan.

"You know, we could get each other off," Ren suggested in a whisper. "You said we could touch the other person with OR without clothes."

Hux shivered. "I... I did say that... Uh... Didn't I?"

"So, what do you say, darling?"

"Take these britches off, now!"

Ren made quick work of removing Hux's pants and briefs. He then removed his own and laid down next to him. Hux immediately grabbed hold of Ren and slowly started jerking him off. Ren closed his eyes and moaned in pleasure. "Oh, God!"

"Are you going to just leave me wanting?" Hux asked as he slowed his hand to a stop at the base of Ren's dick. He squeezed gently, causing another moan to spill from his lips.

Ren shook his head. "No, ah, of... Of course, not." He reached over and started stroking Hux.

"Ah, Ren! My darling!" Hux started moving his hand up and down once again, in time with Ren's strokes. They kept up like this until they had both finished. They lay there panting.

"That was great!" Ren said as he brushed his hair out of his face.

"That WAS quite excellent," Hux agreed as he rolled over and got out his cigarettes and his lighter.

"Could... Could I have one?" Ren ventured.

Hux looked at him in question. "Really? I mean, yes, of course. If you'd like." He handed one to Ren and gave him the lighter. Hux blew out a bit of smoke. "Dare I ask, why?"

Ren shrugged as he put the cigarette between his lips. "I don't know. Thought I'd see what it was all about."

'It's just like smoking pot. Just a little different.' He lit it and inhaled. 'It's really smooth. And it IS relaxing, I'll give him that.'

Ren glanced over at Hux who was staring at him with a smile. "What?"

Hux just shook his head. "You're too perfect for words, Ren." He leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I love you, Ren."

Ren smiled. "I love you too."

*************

By Friday, Ren had gotten used to the routine at work. He was sitting in the maintenance shop with Mr. Peavy when he started thinking to himself, 'I like it best when I have a project with Mr. Peavy. He's a hands-on kind of guy and has a great way of teaching. He reminds me of Dad in that way.'

"You have any kids, Mr. Peavy?" Ren asked.

"Two little girls," he answered, not taking his eyes off of his work. "A bit older than you I would say."

Ren nodded. "I bet you were a great dad."

Mr. Peavy glanced over at Ren for a moment. "I'm not sure about all that. I certainly did my best, but girls are difficult if you ask me. I thought they'd be all roses and sunshine." He chuckled. "Boy, I was wrong."

Ren smiled. 'I'd like to be a dad one day. One day, not any time soon.'

"You close to your pops?"

Ren was quiet for a moment. "No," he answered solemnly. He looked down. "I wish we were."

Mr. Peavy sighed. "That's tough kid." He set down his tools and sat next to Ren as he took his glasses off. He put a hand on Ren's shoulder. "You seem like a good kid. I'm sorry your pops can't see it."

Ren sighed. "Yeah, me too."

*****************

When Ren arrived home later that day, he was surprised to see the front door wide open. 'Fuck!' Ren thought as he dashed inside. He was about to call out to Hux when he saw that he was standing right there, with Han! He was trying to wrap his head around the situation when it finally clicked to him that they were moving a bookshelf. 'Right, the bookshelf from Christmas!'

"Right here then?" Han asked.

"Right here's good," Hux answered as they set it down against the wall. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." He glanced over at Ren. "Evening kiddo. How you been?"

"Fine," Ren answered with venom in his tone.

"Well," Han cleared his throat, "guess I'll see you around, kid."

"I doubt it," Ren replied.

"Look, Ben-"

"Don't you dare try talking to me!" Ren practically growled as he took a step back. "You said you didn't ever want to see me again!" He had angry tears falling.

'Why do I get so fucking emotional all the time?! I hate that!'

Han sighed. "Ben," he started again.

"I said DON'T! You wanted me out of your life, so that's what you fucking get!" He then pushed passed him and went to the bedroom, slamming the door behind himself. He sat on the bed and buried face in his hands and sobbed.

'I don't even know why I fucking care! He's never loved me. Why should he now? Fuck!' Ren stood up and started pacing the room. 'I really just want to punch a fucking wall. Or cut again. I can't do that. I can't do that to Hux!' He sat back down on the bed and continued to sob in his hands.

Ten minutes later, Hux walked in. He didn't say anything. He just sat down next to Ren and put his arm around his shoulders. Ren leaned into him, putting his head on Hux's chest. His tears had halted at the moment, but he knew they could come back at any moment.

Hux broke the silence with, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Ren shook his head, but moments later he said, "I wanted to cut again. God, I wanted to so badly, but I didn't want to disappoint you... Again." Hux stroked his hair and listened. Ren continued, "I'm so pathetic and-"

Hux pulled away and looked Ren in the eyes. "I swear to you, Ren, if you say one more negative thing about yourself, I will never speak to you again." Ren sniffled. "Ren, grá mo chroí, forget all of that! Isn't my love enough?"

Ren nodded. "It is, I'm sorry." He leaned in close again and nuzzled against Hux's chest. "I just forget sometimes, I guess." He sighed. "I love you, Hux."

"And I love you, Ren, with all of my heart."

*************

The next day, Ren hung out with Rey at her house while Hux was at work.

"How's the new job?" Rey asked as she handed him a beer and sat on the couch. She sat on the opposite side and pulled her legs up underneath herself.

"It's great!" Ren answered. "I'm really enjoying it."

"We sure do miss you around the shop," Rey replied. "I just can't believe Han would say that."

Ren had told her everything that had transpired. 'I don't know why it surprises her so much. Han's an asshole. Always has been, always will be.'

"Like I've said before, you have a very different relationship with him."

Rey shrugged as she took a sip from her beer. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess I just expect better of him, or at least HOPE better of him, if that makes sense at all."

Ren nodded. 'I hope better of him too, but it's not gonna happen.'

Breaking into Ren's thoughts, Rey asked, "So, what are you boys doing for Valentine's Day? I know it's a month away, but these things creep up on you."

"Nothing yet, but it's our first, so I want to make it big."

Rey laughed. "Well, don't make it TOO big or you'll never be able top it and he'll expect something of that magnitude every year."

Ren chuckled. "Not Hux, I'm sure it would be 'it was a kind gesture, but you really didn't need to go through all the trouble'." He imitated Hux's accent.

Rey wailed in laughter. "That was SO Hux!"

Ren smiled. 'This feels good. She's always been able to make me feel better. It's not JUST a pun, she really IS 'my Rey of sunshine'.'

"What are you and the guys doing?"

Rey sighed. "I don't know. Valentine's Day is always so difficult. I know Finn says he doesn't, but he gets jealous of Poe sometimes."

Ren chuckled. "I would too if he were my competition. The man is so fucking hot."

Rey laughed. "He is, but Finn is so handsome too! And Finn is so sweet. They're both so different, ya know." She took a swig from her beer. "When I want to fuck, Poe's my guy, but when I want to, feel loved and special, you know, really 'make love' I go to Finn."

Ren shook his head. "I still don't think I could be with more than one person at a time."

Rey shrugged. "I never thought I could either, but it works."

"Except for Valentine's Day," Ren teased.

Rey waved her hand in the air as if to dismiss the comment. "I'll figure it out."

Ren stayed a few more hours, just catching up with Rey. When he left, he headed for his car, but stopped in his tracks when he saw his mother approaching.

"Ben," she called as she walked up to him.

"Mom," he replied emotionless.

"I'm so glad I caught you. I need your help with the car, if you'd be willing," she explained.

'Really?! Un-fucking-believable! After her saying I need to stop acting like a child... I guess it's not as bad as Dad saying he never wanted to see me again. Mom cares, I shouldn't be so hard on her really.'

"Can't Dad just do whatever it is you need?" Ren asked with a sigh.

"Your father has been putting this off for weeks. I would REALLY appreciate it if you would do it for me."

Ren sighed. 'Mom has actually tried. We argue, but she still tries.'

"I already have all the parts," Leia assured him.

Ren nodded. "Okay."

"Thank you."

Ren quickly sent a text to Hux telling him he'd probably be coming home late and why. Hux replied nearly immediately. 'Not to worry, Love! Take your time. I'll see you when you get home :)'

Ren put his phone back in his pocket and followed his mom to the garage. "So, what do you need done?"

"The front break pads are worn," Leia answered. "They need replaced."

Ren nodded. "Okay, let's get started." He peeled off his shirt and got to work.

'It feels so good to be working on a car again. This just makes sense to me.'

A few hours later, Ren wiped the grease from his face as he finished up. He went into the house to find Leia. "Okay, all done."

"Thank you so much, honey!" Leia exclaimed as she hugged him, not minding the grease and grime.

"Well, I should get going-"

"Why don't you stay for dinner, sweetie?"

Ren shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Please, Ben-"

"No, Mom!" he shouted. He took a deep breath. "I love you, I really do, I just... I can't see Dad right now."

Leia nodded. "I understand." She hugged Ren and said, "Thank you for your help, sweetie."

"Yeah," Ren replied. "I'll see ya later." Ren quickly left for his car and drove home.

As Ren walked into the apartment, he once again, saw Hux asleep on the couch. 'He really needs to get on a better sleep schedule.' Ren went to him and put a blanket over him. 'He's so beautiful. He doesn't even realize.' Ren then sat down beside him and pulled him into his arms. He closed his eyes and fell asleep as well.

*****************

Ren woke first the next morning. He looked down at Hux's sleeping form and smiled. 'Hmm, I bet I can trick him into losing our bet.' Ren reached down and began fondling Hux. Hux moaned in his sleep. Ren pressed himself into Hux, hoping to wake him with the feeling of his hard dick pressed into him. It did the trick, Hux's eyes fluttered open and he smiled up at Ren.

"And a good morning to you too, my love." Hux pushed his head forward and caught Ren's lips in an upside-down kiss. "I fell asleep on the sofa, didn't I?" He rubbed his eyes.

"That's okay," Ren replied as he continued stroking Hux. Hux closed his eyes and tilted his head back.

"That feels so good, Ren," he sighed. Hux pulled away and turned over to look at Ren. "Let me make it up to you, Agra."

"Um, okay," Ren accepted.

'Ha! I've got him right where I want him. Oh! Hux! He just delved right into it. Ah! This is. So. Good. Fuck! I'm not gonna last long with him... Oh, God!'

Hux crawled up to Ren's mouth to capture his lips in a kiss. "My turn," Hux urged.

"Sure," Ren replied. "I don't mind, since I won."

Hux paused. "You what?" Then it hit him. "That's not fair! You tricked me," he said as he jokingly hit Ren's chest. "I demand a redo!"

“Ha!" Ren crowed. "If you think I’m putting up with another week of no sex just so you can win a bet, then you’re clearly insane."

Hux sat up, pushing himself off of Ren. "Then declare me the winner because of your cheap underhandedness!"

“No way! I won fair and square! You’re just a sore loser," Ren teased.

“I am not!" Hux shouted in reply.

“Sure," Ren mockingly agreed. Then under his breath, but loud enough for Hux to hear he whispered, "Sore loser."

Hux smiled, grabbed the nearest throw pillow and smacked him in the face with it. "Cheeky."

"Hey!" Ren jokingly cried out.

Hux smiled. "Very well, if you refuse to concede to YOU being the true loser of this wager, I'm cutting you off until you say I've won."

Ren laughs. "You'll never make it that long."

"We shall see about that, now won't we?" Hux replied as he moved to sit on the opposite side of the couch.

"Wait a second," Ren sat up. "You're attempting to FORCE me into a redo! That's no fair!"

Hux smiled. "All's fair in love and war, right, Darling?"


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux hires someone for the bakery.  
> Ren and Hux spend time at home together.

Hux had called Willow back and asked her if she could start on Monday. It was both thrilling and frightening to have someone new start to work with them.

"Will you calm down?" Phasma teased. "She's just an ordinary girl. And you liked her, so you don't need to fret."

"I know," Hux answered as he began working on that morning's batch of donuts. "I'm just anxious. I'm actually rather excited to have a new employee."

Phasma smiled as she watched Hux. It always made her so happy to see Hux happy.

Hux looked up as the front door opened. He had expected Willow, but it was a complete stranger. "I'm sorry, we're not open yet," Hux called to the customer. She was familiar, but Hux couldn't quite place her. Until she spoke.

"I know," she replied as she closed the door behind her. "You told me to come in at this time. I figured it was before you opened."

Hux was astonished. It was Willow! But she looked completely different. "Yes, of course, um. Thank you for being on time. Phas!"

Phasma came around the corner from the back room. "What's up, love? Oh, who is this?"

"This is Willow," Hux told her quickly. "Our new employee."

Phasma was also dumbfounded. "Oh, right, Hux told me you'd be starting today." She walked over to her and extended her hand. "I'm Phasma. Mr. Hux's business partner."

"It's just Hux," Hux added with a glare at Phasma. "If you'll come with me, Willow, I'll show you what you'll be doing."

Willow followed Hux to the front counter. He showed her how to use the register. She was polite and caught on quickly. Hux couldn't help thinking it was strange to have Willow there. Not only because it was different having someone else around the shop, but also because... Well, she was a hipster.

"Hipsters don't have jobs," Hux said to Phasma later that night as they were closing up. "I always thought they lived off of Polaroids and weird music."

Phasma laughed. "I did too. She seems really nice though."

Hux nodded. "She does. I think it'll work out well having her here. For now, you and I can take care of the backroom while she stays up front and deals with her own kind."

This made Phasma roar with laughter. "'Her own kind'! What, is she another species?"

"They may as well be," Hux commented.

********************************************************

Hux came home to Ren doing the dishes. It was amusing to think back to when he'd first moved in, how little he know about running a household, but he'd become quite a helpful roommate since. "Hey," Ren said as Hux walked into the kitchen. "How was the first day with the new girl?"

"Very good, actually," Hux answered as he started drying the dishes. "She was friendly and caught on quickly. She's a bit of a hipster though."

Ren chuckled. "Oh no, whatever shall you do?"

Hux grinned and smacked his ass with the dish towel. "I just don't know how well it's going to work out, that's all. As you may recall, I'm not fond of hipsters as a culture."

Ren laughed. "I didn't realize they were a culture."

Hux playfully glared. "You know what I mean."

"Hey," Ren began as he turned off the sink, "I was thinking-"

"That's a first," Hux teased.

"Shut up," Ren giggled. "I was thinking about Valentine's day. I know, it's like a month away, but this is our first and I want to make it special. So, I was wondering if there was anything in particular you'd like to do? For Valentine's day?"

Hux put the plate he was drying, in the cupboard. "I could think of a few things." Hux turned to Ren and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Maybe we could even try something new, if you were interested." Hux pressed Ren against the counter.

"Like what?" Ren asked in a mix of fear and curiosity.

"Oh, I don't know," Hux whispered seductively as nuzzled Ren's neck. "We could always try out some toys or something of the like." He turned his head and nibbled on Ren's ear. He could hear him shiver. "Or maybe some role playing, if that would interest you. What do you think, Agra?"

Ren swallowed hard. "Yeah, uh, yeah, that all sounds, um, nice."

"Maybe we could try videoing ourselves." Hux reached down and groped Ren, causing him to sigh in pleasure. "Would you enjoy that?" Hux kissed his neck. "I know I would." With one hand, he began undoing Ren's belt and pants. "I could watch you any time I wanted. It'd be so hot."

Ren's breath was coming in faster. "Yeah, yeah, that would be... Uh, would be... Mmm, nice. Oh, God! Hux!"

Hux had reached into Ren's jeans at this point and was fondling him. "Yes, Ren? What is it?"

"Oh, God, you're such a... A fucking... Ah, tease!"

"Am I?" He then whispered, "What if I said, I want you to go to our room, strip down, and open yourself up for me?"

"Anything for you, babe," Ren answered.

Hux squeezed him, causing a bit more pain than pleasure. Ren whined. "What did I say about you calling me that?"

"I'm sorry," Ren quickly apologized. "It slipped out."

Hux let some of the pressure off. "It is forgiven. Now," Hux pulled his hand away, making Ren groan, "do as I said. Go to our room. I will follow you shortly."

Ren leaned in and kissed him hard before he quickly dashed off to do as Hux had told him. Hux waited about five minutes, before he made his way to their bedroom. He couldn't help thinking how sexy it was to see Ren lying there completely naked, opening himself with two fingers.

"Well, well, Ren. I see you can follow directions rather well," Hux said as he attempted to casually lean against the doorway with his arms crossed, but all he wanted to do was rip his own clothes off and fuck Ren mad.

"Always, for you, Daddy," Ren said with a coy grin.

"Oh, we're going in that direction are we?" Hux asked as he pushed away from the door. "Very well." He strode closer to the bed. "Daddy wants his little boy to undress him."

Ren didn't hesitate. He pulled his hand away and sat up, quickly moving to where Hux stood at the foot of the bed. He clawed at the buttons on Hux's shirt. Hux slapped at his hands. "Slowly, I want to enjoy every moment of this."

Ren made some kind of a whining noise, but obeyed. He stared up into Hux's eyes as his hands deftly worked at each button. "You're so beautiful," Ren whispered.

Hux smiled down at him. He laced his fingers into Ren's hair. "You are as well, my love." They stayed like that for a moment, staring at one another, drinking in the beauty of the other. Hux then gently tugged on Ren's hair. "Now, you better finish up, or else Daddy may have to punish you."

Ren quickly went to work removing the rest of Hux's clothes. Once Hux was as naked as he was, Ren then laid back down on the bed. "Fuck me, Daddy? Please?"

Hux felt a shiver run down his spine just from hearing Ren call him that. He knelt on the mattress and made his way to Ren. "Hand me that lube," Hux ordered. Ren handed it to him. "Would you like to do the honors?"

Ren shook his head. "I'd rather watch you," he answered in a quivering breath.

This made Hux grin. He liked that Ren liked watching him. Knowing he could turn Ren on by touching himself was a huge turn on. He put some lube on his hand and smeared on to himself. "You ready?" he asked as he gave himself a few tugs.

"Fuck yeah!"

Hux lined himself up and gently pushed in. He and Ren moaned in pleasure. "God, Ren! I love you so much!" Hux moaned out as he started to work up a slow rhythm. He then picked up the pace and grabbed Ren, jerking him off in time with his own thrusts. Hux enjoyed drawing it out, but he wanted this hot and fast. He leaned down and kissed Ren as he continued. Ren kissed him back and then started kissing his neck. Ren then bit him and this sent Hux over the edge. He kept stroking Ren until he finally came as well.

Hux pulled out and rolled off of Ren. "God, Ren, that was-"

"Amazing," Ren finished.

"Yes, it was," Hux replied, taking several deep breaths to slow his breathing down.

Ren chuckled. "Guess I won again. And this time I wasn't even TRYING to seduce you."

Hux looked over at him in confusion. "You what?" Then it clicked. "God, Damn it!"

Ren laughed again. "I told you I would win."

Hux looked over at him. "How is it you've managed to win this bet a SECOND time? I have FAR more self-control than you do."

Ren stretched and put his hands behind his head. “You see, I have this awesome ability to keep it in my pants.”

"Fuck you," hux replied, annoyed.

Ren laughed. "If you do I’ll just win again," he teased.

********************************************************

Weeks later, Ren was still teasing Hux about it. "You have no impulse control. We've already proven it."

"You're one to talk," Hux murmured in return. "Exactly how many hickeys have I had to hide since I met you?"

Ren placed his hand on his chest, faking innocence. "I simply have no idea what you're talking about!"

Hux sat up from where he was lounging on the sofa. “Well how about you take a look at me now, how many can you count? 5? 6?” 

Ren glanced at Hux. “What?!" he questioned in pretend shock. "When did those get there?! You clearly did that to yourself," he casually said as he went back to the game he was playing on his phone.

"Yes, clearly," Hux replied sarcastically.

"See, you agree," Ren replied without looking up.

"And I suppose I did the ones on my hips too?”

Ren, scoffed. "Um, yeah, of COURSE you did." Hux grabbed the throw pillow at his side and smacked Ren in the face with it.

"Hey!" he protested as he grabbed a throw pillow himself and hit Hux in return.

"That's it!" Hux shouted gleefully as he continued to beat Ren with the pillow.

"No!" Ren dashed away to their room.

"Come back here!" Hux yelled as he ran after him. "You yellow-belly coward!"

Ren grabbed his pillow from the bed and was now wielding it as his weapon of choice. "Take that!"

"Two can play at that game!" Hux called out as he moved for his own pillow, but Ren tackled him to the bed.

"I don't think so!"

"Unhand me this instant!"

"I'm NEVER letting go!" Ren replied as he snuggled into Hux more.

"Release me at once, you broot!"

"Nope, nope, nope," Ren answered as he squeezed Hux tighter to him. "Do you give up?"

"I will NEVER yield!" Hux continued to struggle from Ren's grasp, but to no avail.

There was a knock on their door. It was more than a knock though; it was a heavy pounding. Someone was angry. Ren let go of Hux. He got up, straightened his hair and clothes and went to answer it. Hux looked through the peek hole and recognized his neighbor. He sighed and opened the door. "Evening. Can I help you?"

"Yeah, you can quiet the fuck down," the tall muscular man replied.

"I am very sorry. We didn't realise-"

"I don't need to hear you fags going at it from the other side of the wall."

Hux's face turned red. "Like I said, I'm very sorry-"

Ren appeared behind him, interrupting him, "Is there a problem?"

Before Hux could say anything, his neighbor piped in, "Yeah, there's a problem. You cock suckers are fucking too God Damn loud."

"I'm sorry, next time we'll be quieter as to not add to your own personal insecurity that you're not getting any."

"I have a girlfriend," the man informed in angrily.

"And she's obviously not putting out," Ren replied. "Otherwise you'd be too busy banging her to pay any attention to what us 'fags' are doing."

Pointing his finger at Ren the man said, "You better watch it boy. Or the next time I see you, I'll kick your ass so hard, you're not gonna wanna take it in the ass again."

Ren crossed his arms. "I'm not intimidated by you."

"Ren," Hux whispered a warning. He then turned to his neighbor and said, "We'll be quieter. My apologies." Before more could be said, he closed the door.

"Why didn't you stand up to him?" Ren demanded.

He turned to Ren. "Because unlike you, my fight or flight response doesn't always lean toward fight." He headed back to the bedroom. "I choose my battles, Ren."

Ren followed, his arms crossed, but his shoulders now drooped. He looked off into the distance and frowned, nearly pouting. "I don't ALWAYS fight about everything."

Hux sighed. "Agra," he said calmly as he went to Ren. He made him uncross his arms and held his hands. "Ren, Darling, will you please look at me?" Ren sighed and looked Hux in the eyes. "Ren, Mo Grá, I didn't mean that you're always looking for a fight." He touched Ren's cheek tenderly. "You don't have to prove anything to me."

Ren nodded. "Okay."

********************************************************

After having Willow at the shop for two weeks, they seemed to find a good rhythm with her. Hux was even growing more fond of her, though he wouldn't admit it aloud. Sometimes, when it was slow, Hux would have her help him with baking. She was smart and a fast learner. She took instructions well too. Hux, guilty, thought it was nice to have someone in the kitchen he didn't have to keep his eye on all of the time.

One Friday morning, Ren came in at his usual time. Willow was at the cash register while Hux was handing an order to a customer. He smiled as Ren came in but before he could say anything, Willow greeted him, "Hey, Ren!"

Hux stopped and looked at Willow and then at Ren, then back at Willow. He tried to figure out how they knew each other.

"Hey, Will." He then smiled at Hux. "Hey, babe. How are you?" Ren asked as he approached the counter.

"Confused," Hux answered. "You... You know each other?"

Ren's smile widened. "Yeah, Will and I had an English class together. I told her to apply when you said you were gonna hire someone."

"And I'm totes glad you did," Willow replied. "I really like working here, it's legit."

Hux rolled his eyes. He was starting to grow fond of her, but he still was NOT fond of the way she spoke. "May I see you in the back?" Hux asked. Ren followed him. Phasma was back there decorating Valentine's sugar cookies.

"Hey, Ren. How are you?"

"Good," he answered.

"Why didn't you TELL me that you knew Willow?" Hux demanded.

Phasma stopped. "You know Willow? Huh, small world." She went back to decorating.

"Not 'huh, small world'. Why didn't you tell me?"

Ren chuckled. "Hux, babe, why are you freaking out?" Ren reached out to him, but Hux pushed him away.

"Don't you 'babe' me," Hux sneered.

"Sorry," Ren said, crossing his arms. "It just slipped out. Why are you so upset?"

"Because you KEPT something from me, Ren. I was under the impression that we didn't LIE to one another."

"Hux," Phasma piped in, but Hux wouldn't let her add any more.

"This doesn't concern you. This is between ME and REN!"

Phasma's brows shot up in surprise. "I'll leave you two be then," she said as she set her frosting bag down and left.

Hux took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Ren. I just... Even a small lie upsets me. Did you think I would like her less? I mean, why WOULDN'T you tell me you knew her?"

Ren shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted her to get the job on her own merits."

Hux sighed. He made a fair point. He stepped forward and put his hands in Ren's hair. "I'm sorry, Agra. I over-reacted. Can you forgive me?"

Ren nodded. "Yeah. Any way, I've got to get to work." He gave Hux a quick kiss. "See you when I get home."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Hux questioned with happy lilt in his voice. Ren turned around and Hux handed him his typical coffee and muffin.

"Oh, right," Ren replied as he took them. He gave Hux another quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Gingerbread. Love ya!" he called as he dashed out.

Hux smiled as he watched Ren run out in haste. Phasma came back, moments after Ren was gone. "Everything alright then, love?"

Hux nodded. "I over-reacted."

Phasma scoffed. "You could say that again," she mumbled as she went back to frosting cookies.

Hux continued to mentally scold himself. It wasn't fair of him to think ill of Ren. Ren had never given him a reason to not trust him. He was always forthright with him. Hux sighed. He knew he was still expecting Ren to one day be like Phel or DJ. He hated himself for thinking that. He LOVED Ren! He decided to make it up to him, even if Ren was unaware of his horrible thoughts.

Hux went back out to the front to put more product in the displays when he heard a familiar tenor voice call out, "Techie?!"

Hux looked up. Standing before him was the tall, lean frame of his old friend, Thannison. Hux grinned like a fool. "Thannison!?" he shouted and went around the counter to embrace him. "God! How are you!"

"I'm great! How the Hell are you?" Thannison pulled away and looked at Hux.

Hux smiled. "I'm well. God, it's been so long! What are you up to?"

"I finished school," Thannison answered. "I'm an accountant now."

Hux chuckled. "Look at you. Being all grown up."

Thannison laughed in turn. "Yeah. So, you work here then?"

"I own the place," Hux informed him proudly.

"Really?" Hux nodded. "Wow, now who's all grown up and shit? Hey, we should get together. I'm still in touch with some of the other guys. We could hit up the old bar. Whatdaya say?!"

Hux hesitated. "I don't know-"

"Come on, Techie, it'll be great!"

Hux sighed. "I just don't know if my boyfriend would-"

"Bring him along!" Thannison encouraged. "Please, Techie?"

He finally nodded. "Sure."

"Awesome! Let me get your number." They exchanged numbers and then Thannison left, promising to text him about the old gang getting together.

Hux smiled to himself and went back to work. "Techie?" Phasma asked from the entrance to the backroom, a grin spread across her face.. Hux didn't know how long she'd been standing there.

Hux rolled his eyes. "Yes, Techie. Laugh it up. It’s what they called me back at the bar."

Willow looked up from the cash register as she handed a customer her change. "You used to work at a bar?"

Hux smiled at the lady as she left. "Yes, I worked at a gay bar YEARS ago," he answered Willow. He then turned back to Phasma. "And everyone there called me Techie, alright? I didn't want to go by my actual name, so the guys gave me a name to go by. Is that alright by you?"

"But ‘Techie’? Really?" She started laughing. "I still find it amusing."

Hux rolled his eyes again. "Whatever." His face was flushed with embarrassment. He went to the back room to keep working. Phasma followed.

"I'm only teasing, luv."

Hux took a deep breath. He looked over at Phasma and smiled. "I know." He turned and went back to work.

He asked Phasma to close for him that day, so he could surprise Ren. When he got back to his flat, he went looking for something in the spare room. He knew exactly where it was, but he hadn't touched it in years.

He took a deep breath before he pulled out his outfit from his days at the bar. He smiled as he looked at it. He remembered when he first put it on.

"I wouldn't even know where to find a decent drag costume," Hux complained to his coworker, Thannison. "Do we really HAVE to work Drag Night?"

"Yes!" Thannison nearly shouted. "Oh, my God, it is SUCH a fun time. We should go shopping!"

"I don't think I'd be comfortable shopping in a women's department store," Hux argued.

"You can always just use men's clothes and just femenize it."

Hux sighed. He knew there was no getting out of this. "I just don't know."

"Why don't I come over to your place and show you?"

Hux nodded. "Alright."

Thannison went through Hux's wardrobe with him. "God, I don't think you've got much of anything to work with here."

Hux sighed as he sat on his bed. "I'm not surprised."

"Hey, what's this?" Thannison pulled Hux's old uniform out of the closet.

"Oh, that's my dress uniform from my short military career," Hux answered.

Thannison smiled mischievously. "I have a GREAT idea. I can TOTALLY make a drag outfit from this."

Hux looked at him in question. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah. Give me a week. And that is if you don't mind my cutting it up and what not."

Hux looked at the uniform. He had a love/hate relationship with it. He loved it because it was a part of him, buy he hated it because it was a reminder of the failure he was. Hux shrugged. "I have another, go for it."

"Awesome! You will NOT be disappointed."

And he wasn't. When Thannison brought it to him two days later he was shocked. What had he let him do to his uniform!?

"What do you think?" Thannison asked, proud of his work.

Hux stared at it, open-mouthed. "It... It..." He had no words for it.

"Try it on!" Thannison encouraged.

Hux did so. The work was exceptional, he just wasn't sure he was fond of what had been done with it. He had to remind himself that he gave Thannison permission and he desperately needed something for Drag Night at the bar he was working at.

The button up dress shirt was first. Thannison had taken it in to give it a more pronounced figure. He then had taken the shoulder pads from the jacket to create fake breasts. He had cut and sown it to force the front to stay open slightly, suggesting cleavage.

The jacket was gone completely. He'd used the fabric from it and the pants to make a school girl styled mini skirt. Hux looked at himself in the mirror. It was astounding! He really DID look like he had a woman's figure. "Thann, this... This... This is amazing work."

Thannison smiled. "I know. Oh, and I think you should wear a military cap. Not the berate, but the more casual one."

Hux dug around in his closet and took out a camouflage military cap. He put it on and glanced in the mirror again. He turned to Thannison and struck a pose. "How's it look?"

"You look fabulous!"

Hux stood there in his outfit and waited. As Ren stepped inside he stopped when he saw Hux. He didn't seem to know what to say.

"Hey there, handsome," Hux said seductively in a falsetto. "I think I owe you something for a bet you won."


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux rewards Ren for winning their bet. Ren makes plans for Valentine's Day. They go out to thebar to spend time with Hux's old friends and an unexpected guest arrives.

Ren didn't know what to say. Hux was dressed in drag! He'd even shaved! 'I was really enjoying his beard,' Ren thought sadly.

"Um, hi, Gingerbread," Ren finally said as he closed the front door. "What bet did I win?"

Hux put a hand on his hip and jutted it out to the side. 'Damn! He does that WAY too well. Why am I so turned on by the fact that he looks like a woman!?'

Hux batted his now, long dark lashes at him. "You know what bet you won," Hux continued in his feminine voice. He strode over to Ren confidently, grabbed him by the hips and pulled him close. "You said you could go longer without sex than I could. And you proved that right," he whispered, his face right in front of Ren's. "And now, I owe you a little something." He grabbed Ren's hands and pulled him to the chair he'd already brought from the dining room. "Just relax and enjoy the ride, big boy," he purred as he straddled Ren's lap.

"Hey, wait a second," Ren said as he gently pushed Hux away.

Hux frowned. "What's wrong?" he asked in his usual tone.

Ren took out his phone. "I just HAVE to get a picture of you like this."

Hux smiled, took a few steps back, and posed. 'Damn! He is so sexy!'

Hux did a few more poses and then made his way back to Ren. "Enough of that now." He took Ren's phone from him and put it on the coffee table. He bat his eyes again, straddled his lap once more, and asked, "You ready for this?"

"Um, yeah," Ren replied shakily as Hux started gently grinding into him.

'I've never done this before. This is so awkward. But, Damn, it's nice too. Oh, fuck! I'm just supposed to sit here! Fuck! I just want to grab him and rip his clothes off. Speaking of which...'

"Is that your old uniform?" Ren questioned out loud.

"It is," Hux answered, still with a female voice. "An old friend of mine put it together for me years ago." He leaned forward and whispered, "Do you like it?"

'Fuck yeah!'

"Very much," Ren managed to quiver out. He put his hands on Hux's knees and slowly made his way under the skirt.

Hux batted his hands away. "I didn't say you can touch."

"Oh, come on, Hux!" Ren whined.

"It's General, to you," Hux replied as he ground himself against Ren again. Ren closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "You'll get to touch soon enough."

Ren opened his eyes again and watched Hux. He'd never seen him move like this before. After what seemed liked far longer than he'd have liked, Hux finally leaned in and said in a breathy whisper, "You can touch now, if you'd like."

Ren didn't hesitate. He caught Hux's lips in a ferocious kiss and started undoing the buttons on his shirt. 'Fuck! I'm gonna ravage him.'

"Careful, Ren!" Hux warned, now in his typical voice. "I don't want you to ruin it!" He started undoing the buttons now and added with a chuckle, "Especially if you want to do this again."

Ren's grin widened. "Oh, we're gonna do this again?" he asked excitedly.

Hux batted his eyes at him again. 'Damn! That is so fucking sexy.'

"Perhaps," he answered in his falsetto. He quickly finished undoing the top and flung it off. He then stood up and started taking off his skirt.

"Can you keep it on?" Ren practically begged.

'I want him to ride me while he's wearing it,' Ren thought.

Hux winked at him. "Anything for you." He paused and then suggested, "Why don't we go somewhere a bit more comfortable? The bedroom perhaps."

Ren stood up and practically dragged Hux to their room. He pushed Hux down on the bed and started taking his own clothes off. Hux watched him with hungry eyes. "God, you're beautiful!" Hux muttered as he stared at Ren, now completely naked.

Ren just smiled and practically fell on Hux, kissing him like it would be the last time. He then started kissing and biting his neck, holding nothing back. "Ah! Fuck! Oh! Ren!" Hux moaned.

'Oh, baby, just you wait until I've got you riding my cock!'

Ren pulled away. "I wanna fuck you," he whispered through heavy breaths.

"Oh, I'd like that," Hux replied. He was about to turn over, but Ren grabbed him by the waist and rolled them over so Hux was on top of him.

"I want you to ride me," Ren instructed.

Hux smiled approvingly. "Oh, I can most certainly do that." Hux quickly got the lube from the nightstand and began slicking up Ren's cock. Ren closed his eyes and took it all in.

'I fucking love him! I don't need anything else. Just Hux.' Before Ren could think of anything more, he felt Hux slid down on to him. They both sighed in pleasure. Hux started bouncing up and down, his skirt covering any viewing of it. Ren opened his eyes and watched him. 'Fucking, fuck!' He couldn't stop himself, he started thrusting into Hux. Neither of them spoke, both chasing their climax.

Hux finished first, lifting the front of his skirt so he came across Ren's chest. He kept riding him until Ren came too. Hux rolled off the top of him, both of them breathing heavily. "Oh, my love," Hux whispered. He sat up. "I'll get a towel for you." On his way out, he peeled off the skirt and slipped into a pair of sweats.

He came back with a towel and cleaned Ren's chest. Then he curled up next to him, letting Ren hold him. "I love you," Ren whispered as he ran his fingers through Hux's hair.

'At least he didn't cut this,' Ren thought with a silent chuckle.

"And I, you," Hux replied. "I hope it was at least a nice surprise."

"Hell yeah, it was," Ren answered. "A little disappointed you shaved though," he teased.

Hux chuckled. "Well, drag wouldn't look very good if I had facial hair, now would it?" He nuzzled into Ren's side. "Don't worry, Asthore, it grows quickly." He paused and added, "Speaking of which, I ran into an old friend from when I worked at the bar."

Ren felt himself bristle. 'I don't know why his bar days bother me so much. I guess I just don't like the idea of a bunch of drunk douche bags trying to feel him up.'

"Yeah?" Ren encouraged him to go on.

Hux shrugged. "He suggested we get together. You, me, and some of the other guys from back when we worked there." He quickly said, "We really don't have to if you don't want to. I totally understand."

Ren was quiet for a moment and then finally answered, "It sounds like fun. I mean, I've never been to a gay bar before. We should go."

Hux looked up at him. "Really?"

Ren smiled. "Yes, really. I think it'd be fun."

'I also don't want to be that guy who keeps him from his friends.'

Hux smiled. Reached up and kissed him before curling into his side again. "I love you, Ren. I hope you know that."

"I do," he replied. He kissed the top of his head and then closed his eyes. "Night, Gingerbread." Ren was asleep in minutes.

********************************************************

The weeks seemed to fly by. Valentine's Day was getting closer. "I want to make it super special," Ren casually mentioned to his co-worker Carrie. He sighed. "I just don't know what to do."

She shrugged. "It's just nice to see you honestly trying. My boyfriend hasn't done anything for Valentine's Day in YEARS."

Ren winced. "Oh, I'm sorry."

Carrie shrugged. "It's not that big of a deal. We've been together so long, the romance is kind of gone now."

'I hope that never happens to me and Hux.'

Carrie put a reassuring hand on Ren's knee. "Sorry to bring you down like that. So, any ideas on what you'd like to do for your boyfriend?"

Ren shook his head. "I'm sure whatever I do, he'll say it was too much and completely unnecessary."

"How long you guys been together?"

Ren calculated it in his head. "Four, almost five months."

Carrie chuckled. "You boys are still in the 'newly wed' phase."

Ren crossed his arms and looked down at his lap embarrassed. 'Doesn't mean our love isn't real.'

"If you make it through the first year, you'll make it through anything," she assured him.

Ren nodded. "I hope so. He means the world to me."

Carrie smiled. "He sounds like a pretty great guy."

"He is."

********************************************************

Ren invited Rey over that night to get some ideas from her.

"Hux is working late," Ren explained as they curled up on the couch together, sharing a beer between them.

"So, no ideas at all what you want to do?"

Ren shook his head. "But I want it to be special. I've never had anyone to share Valentine's with before."

"Hey!" Rey protested jokingly. "WE'VE celebrated together before."

Ren chuckled. "Yeah, but this is different." He paused. "Maybe I can find some kind of symphony or concert or something to take him to."

"Why not put one on for him?" Rey suggested. "Write him a song and play a few others for him. I happen to know you have a pretty good voice too."

Ren shook his head. 'Not after the last time I tried to play for him.'

"No, something else."

Rey pondered on it. "You could take him out for the weekend. Go somewhere secluded."

Ren scoffed with a half-way smile. "I can't afford something like that. But... I DO work at a hotel. Maybe I can rent out, like the honeymoon suite or something."

Rey smiled. "I LOVE it! You could do rose petals and everything! The whole nine yards!"

Ren smiled. "I'm not sure about rose petals. Did that once. All he could think about was how unsanitary it is."

This made Rey laugh. "He's a funny dude. I like him though. We should do dinner again some time. We haven't done that in a while."

Ren nodded. "I'll talk to Hux about it. Sounds like a good idea to me."

They finally decided to watch a movie and curled up on the couch together. Hux came home several hours later.

"Hey, Gingerbread!" Ren said to him with a smile as he walked through the front door.

Rey smiled at him and added as well, "Hey, Hux. How are you?"

'He's pissed because Rey and I are cuddling on the couch, isn't he? Fuck, I wish he'd let it go already.'

"I'm fine," Hux answered as he shirked his jacket off. "How about you?" he asked in return coolly.

"I'm great." She grabbed the remote and paused the movie. "I should get going, let you two have your evening together."

"You don't have to go," Ren assured her as she stood up.

Rey shook her head. "No, I really ought to. I'm sure Hux has had a long day and would like to just unwind with you." She grabbed her purse and headed for the door. "See you boys later. Have a good night!" she called as she left.

They were both quite for a moment before either spoke, making sure Rey was out of earshot. "Before you say anything," Ren began.

"It's fine," Hux interrupted. He made his way to the couch and sat down with him. He ran his fingers through Ren's hair as he looked into his eyes. "Really, it's fine. I know, I've been very possessive when it comes to you and Rey. I'm working on that." He then kissed Ren tenderly. Then his jaw, his neck, and his collarbone. Barely pulling his lips away, he added in a whisper, "And I understand that you need to be touched. It's how you function."

Ren closed his eyes as Hux began sucking on his skin. 'I don't NEED to be touched. Do I?'

"I didn't know that about myself," Ren whispered back.

Hux chuckled. "Oh, yes, Ren, you CRAVE physical affection." He moved his hands down to the top of Ren's pants and slowly started undoing them. "But I LOVE giving it to you."

Ren closed his eyes as Hux pressed his lips against his stomach. "Hey," Ren began through heavy breaths, "um, what... What do you... You want to do... For... For Valentine's Day?"

Hux stopped and looked up at Ren with a grin. "Really? Valentine's Day?"

Ren opened his eyes and looked down at him. "Yeah. What's wrong with that?"

Hux sighed and sat up. "Nothings WRONG with it, I just..." He sighed again. "I don't know. I suppose I've just never enjoyed celebrating it." Hux was now looking off into the distance.

"What do you mean?" Ren asked as he too sat up and refastened his pants.

Hux shrugged, still not looking at Ren. "I just think most of my exes ruined it for me."

Ren moved closer to him and wrapped his arms around him. "I wouldn't ever do anything they did to you. I love you too much."

Hux heaved another sigh. "I know that, Ren, I just... I don't know. I've been avoiding talking about it because I didn't want to disappoint you." He turned to Ren with a smile. He kissed his forehead. "I'd really rather not do anything at all." Ren was about to protest, but Hux continued, "And I know you, Ren. You're going to want to do something overly lavish and completely unnecessary when all I want is to spend time with you." He brushed his fingers through Ren's hair. "You do understand, don't you, darling?"

Ren nodded. 'I get what he's saying, but this is a big deal for me. I've never had a boyfriend at Valentine's Day! I want to celebrate it like everyone else does.'

"Yeah, I do," Ren answered sullenly.

"Oh, my sweet, don't pout," Hux teased.

'I hate it when he says I pout. I don't pout!'

Ren pulled away. "I'm not pouting," he disagreed.

Hux chuckled. "Oh, but you ARE, Asthore." He moved closer to Ren. "I'll tell you what," he straddled Ren's lap and forced him to face him, "we can do whatever you want for Valentine's Day."

Ren's expression brightened. "Really?!" he asked excitedly.

Hux chuckled again. "Yes, Agra, as long as it's not too extravagant or over the top. You promise?"

"Yes, yes!" Ren agreed quickly. "It won't be too much at all, I swear. I'll make it simple, but still special." He kissed Hux hard. "You are NOT going to regret this!"

Hux laughed. "Part of me fears I might." He stood up and pulled Ren to his feet. "How about dinner?"

Hux made a simple dish of chicken parmesan. They ate and then curled up on the couch together for a few drinks. 'He looks so classy when he has a drink in hand,' Ren mused. 'He's so sexy and just, so perfect.'

"Oh," Hux said, breaking into Ren's thoughts, "my friend Thannison texted me earlier, wants us all to get together on Saturday, if we don't have anything planned."

Ren shook his head. "Nothing that I can think of."

"If you'd still like to go?" Hux asked.

Ren nodded. "Yeah, I would. I think it'd be fun."

Hux set his wine glass on the coffee table. "I should probably explain some things beforehand though." Hux took a deep breath. "You see, I... When I was working there, I was striving to keep my father from finding me, so, I didn't exactly go by my name."

Ren looked at him quizzically. "Okay?"

Hux looked Ren in the eyes. "The guys called me Techie."

"Techie?"

'Why?'

Hux shrugged. "I told them to give me a name and that's what they chose," Hux explained as though he'd heard Ren's internal question. "I was into computers and electronics as a hobby."

"Makes sense then," Ren replied. "I should go by a different name too!" Ren added excitedly.

"What?"

"Yeah! Like, I can have this completely fake persona and pretend I'm someone else. I mean, do you REALLY think TECHIE would date a guy like ME?"

Hux laughed. "That feels like a loaded question."

"I'll pretend like I'm a completely different person!" Ren said excitedly. "This is gonna be so much fun!"

Hux shook his head with a smile as he picked up his glass on wine. "Whatever have I gotten myself into?"

********************************************************

'I can't wait to see Hux's reaction!' Ren thought as he got dressed for them to go out that night. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. 'He is gonna freak.'

"You ready, love?" Hux called to him from their bedroom.

"Yeah," Ren answered as he stepped out of the bathroom and back into their room. "What do you think?"

Hux looked up and stopped. 'Hahaha, he doesn't know what to think!'

"Um, Ren-"

"Actually, it's Matt," Ren corrected.

Hux still looked confused. "Matt? Yes, of course." He cleared his throat. "Why exactly the blond wig and glasses?"

Ren smiled and shrugged. "That's what I decided Techie's boyfriend Matt looks like."

Hux nodded. "I see." He finished buttoning his yellow shirt. "Your wardrobe is very different from Ren's as well," he casually commented.

Ren looked down at his bright orange t-shirt. He looked back at Hux. "You think it's too much?" he questioned.

Hux shook his head with a smile. He stood up and went to Ren. "Actually, I think you're rather adorable." He kissed his nose. "Really, you're absolutely darling." He stroked Ren's cheek. "I see you shaved as well."

Ren shrugged. "Well, I figured we can both grow our facial hair out together." He kissed Hux's cheek. "Yours is already starting to get scratchy."

Hux chuckled. "I told you, it grows in fast." He kissed him again. "Come on now. Let's get going."

********************************************************

Ren watched Hux as they sat around a table with several of Hux's old co-workers. 'He seems so much more confident here. Like, Techie is a completely different person. He's totally cute like this.'

Hux drank openly. Even danced with Ren a few times. "Matt, I don't know how to dance," Hux whined with a smile.

"You'll be fine, just follow me," Ren replied as he pulled Hux onto the dance floor with him. He pulled Hux close to him. "Dance is like vertical sex with clothes on," Ren yelled over the music as he ground his hips in towards Hux.

Hux seemed nervous at first, but it didn't take long for him to get into it. 'Fuck, I knew he'd dance well. He's so good in bed, I figured it would translate out onto the dance floor.'

They spent the night dancing and drinking and catching up with Hux's old friends. "We should head home," Thannison finally said.

"Yeah," his boyfriend piped in, "I have an early morning tomorrow." Everyone else had already left for the evening, thus leaving Hux and Ren alone at the table when they'd said their goodbyes to Thannison and his boyfriend.

"I hope you've had a fun time," Hux said to Ren as he nuzzled his neck.

Ren chuckled. "I did. You're friends seem nice."

Hux kissed him and then sat back in his chair. "I was closest to Thannison when I first started. I feel a little bad we lost touch. He was my first real friend after I'd moved here."

'Thannison was super nice,' Ren thought to himself. 'I just... Hux has a history with him. I need to be less jealous.'

"Did you guys ever... Like, go out?"

Hux shrugged. "We fucked a few times, but we were never serious."

Ren was crestfallen. 'It's not surprising that Hux has had casual flings, but-'

Hux chuckled, breaking into Ren's thoughts. "I'm kidding, Ren! No, there was never anything between us. We were just very good friends."

Ren chuckled lightly. "Oh."

They sat there a while longer, chatting and drinking. "We should probably head home," Hux finally suggested.

"Yeah," Ren agreed. But before he could even stand, a man approached their table.

"Hey!" the dark-haired stranger said as he stood there. Ren didn't reply, it was obvious this interaction was directed at Hux.

Hux smiled. "Hey," Hux replied friendly.

"You remember me, Hux?" the man asked in hope.

Hux really looked at him. He almost seemed frightened when realization came to him. "Phel?"

The man smiled. "I knew you wouldn’t‘ve forgotten me! How've you been?"

"Fine," Hux answered.

Ren put a hand on Hux's leg. "You okay?" he asked in worry.

Hux wouldn't pull his eyes away from Phel. "Yeah," he answered quietly.

'I think he's having a panic attack.'

"Let me help you up," Ren suggested as he pulled Hux to his feet.

"Let me help you too," Phel chimed in as he reached for Hux's other arm.

But Ren could see Hux's eyes widen in fear and heard his breath coming in shallower. Ren pulled Hux from him. "Don’t you fucking come any closer!" Ren growled. "Can’t you see you’re just making things worse!"

Phel took a step back. "I'm sorry. I was just trying to help."

"It's fine, I'll take care of him," Ren replied. "Come on," he said to Hux calmly as he dragged him off to the nearest bathroom. He pulled him into an empty stall and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Are you okay, honey?"

Hux didn't reply vocally, as though his voice had been stripped away from him. He just shook his head no. Ren pulled him into his arms and stroked his hair. "It's gonna be okay. I've got you. Alright? Just breathe. Okay? Think of something nice, like us cuddling on the couch together. Right? How comfortable it is when you hold me close. Think of us at home. Making dinner together. You making a simple dish and showing me how to do it. Yeah, just think about us."

Hux's breathing was finally slowing down and eventually, he wrapped his arms around Ren in return. 'Everything is gonna be okay,' Ren assured himself.

Hux finally pulled away and gave Ren a light kiss on the lips. "Let's go home."

"Okay," Ren agreed as they left the bathroom and made their way outside to the car.

"Hey, Hux!" Phel yelled as he followed them outside. Ren could feel Hux flinch.

Ren had decided he'd had enough. He twirled around and got right into his face. "Look, I don't know WHO you are, but if I EVER see your face again, I swear to God, I will break you in two!

Phel stopped in his tracks and shrunk back. “But... But... I... I haven’t DONE anything! I’m an old friend; I just want to see if he was okay.”

“Can’t you see he doesn’t want to be anywhere near you?!" Ren yelled. "You caused him to have a fucking panic attack and you have the audacity to say you’ve done NOTHING wrong?!?”

"I... I just wanted to make sure he was okay," he repeated, like a shame-filled child as he looked down at the ground.

"He'll be fine," Ren answered. He turned and opened the car door for Hux. "Let's go." Hux got in without a word. Ren drove home filled with so much rage.

'Who the hell was that guy? Why did Hux react like that?!' Ren wanted to ask these questions, but could tell Hux wasn't ready to answer them, let alone speak at all. As soon as they got back to their apartment, Hux went straight to their bedroom. Ren followed quietly. Hux sat on the end of the bed and buried his face in his hands.

"You okay?" Ren asked cautiously.

Hux shook his head. He looked up at Ren. "No, I'm far from it."

Ren sat beside him and held his hand as he took several deep breaths. "Who was that?" Ren asked.

Hux took one more deep breath before answering. "That was Dopheld Mitaka, my ex."

"Oh," Ren replied.

'He hasn't told me a lot about any of his exes, but I can understand having a panic attack from running into one of them unexpectedly.'

Hux took a deep breath before continuing. "Phel was... He... He manipulated me. Made me think I was going crazy, so that I thought I needed him. I finally had to leave. No warning, nothing, I just took off. I knew if I tried to break up with him, he'd somehow manipulate me into staying. He'd done it before."

Ren listened quietly. Hux took another deep breath, then looked at Ren and smiled. "Thank you. For being there for me. For helping me through my attack."

Ren smiled. "I do what I can."

Hux leaned over and kissed him. "I love you, Ben Solo, with all of my heart."

'Somehow, it doesn't bother me to hear my given name from his lips. I actually kind of like it.'

"I love you too, Hux," Ren replied. "So much."


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux makes an important decision just in time for Valentine's Day. Someone unexpectedly ends up in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I probably won't be updating as regularly. I've finally reached the end of what I had already written out. But don't worry, I still have lots more to write, this fic is nowhere near finished yet :D

Hux had made up his mind. "You're serious?" Phasma asked him when he'd asked her for her help.

Hux nodded. "Absolutely," he answered. "I've never been more sure about anything in my life."

"Then I'll help you," she said with a smile.

Hux felt a little over-whelmed as they walked into the jewelry store. He wasn't even sure what he was looking for! "Can I help you?" a store associate asked with a smile.

Hux didn't answer, so she turned to Phasma who then answered for Hux, "We're looking for a wedding ring."

"Congratulations you two!" the woman said, her smile widening.

Hux tossed his head back and laughed. Phasma joined in. "No, not US," Hux explained. "I'M looking for a wedding ring. I'm going to ask my boyfriend to marry me."

"Ooh! That's so sweet!" she said. "Have anything in mind?"

Hux shook his head. "Not really," he admitted. "I know I want it to be unique." Hux chuckled. "He's really a one-of-a-kind guy."

"Well, I don't usually do this right off the bat, but I'm gonna bring out some of our real special items." She left for the back room and brought out a large black box. She directed them to sit down as she opened the box. Hux's eye was immediately drawn to one in particular.

"May I look at that one?" he asked as he pointed at it. She handed it to him so he could examine it closer. "It's beautiful!" Hux said almost reverently. It was a silver like band with a blue colored crystal band on top of it.

"The band is titanium," the sales woman told them. "The crystals there are crushed opal and the bottom half is meteorite."

"Meteorite!?" Phasma asked in disbelief.

The woman nodded. "I won't say it's one-of-a-kind, but it is very unique."

"It's beautiful," Hux said again as he examined it. "I love it."

It made Hux think about a date Ren had taken him on once. Ren took him for a drive, but wouldn't tell him where they were going. "You'll find out soon enough," Ren promised.

Hux sighed. "You know I don't care for surprises, Ren."

"Come on, Gingerbread! Adventure! Just enjoy it."

Hux rolled his eyes, but smiled on the inside. He was learning to love surprises, at least the ones from Ren.

By the time they'd reached their destination, the sun was already setting. Ren dragged out a blanket and of all things, a picnic basket. Hux smiled at him. "You brought me all the way out here for a late night picnic?"

Ren smiled. "Why not? It's quiet and secluded." He stepped closer to Hux, put his face in front of his, and added in a seductive whisper, "And I wanted to show you something special."

Hux wrapped his arms around Ren's neck. "And what might that be?"

Ren just smiled his trade-mark mischievous grin. "You'll see."

They sat down and had their picnic, drinking wine and watched the sun go down. "You cold?" Hux asked while Ren curled into his side.

Ren nodded. "A little, but I guess that means I can bring out my surprise!" He quickly disentangled himself from Hux and stood up. "Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back!" He dashed back to the car and rummaged around in the trunk. When he returned, he came with two sleeping bags in tow.

"What are those for?"

Ren shrugged. "Just to get comfy." He laid them down on the blanket and laid down on one. "Lay down," he instructed." Hux complied. "Now, look!"

"At what?"

"The sky," Ren answered as his gaze went that direction. Hux looked upwards as well. "What do you see?" Ren prodded.

"The sky, Ren. What am I supposed to see? There's Ursa Major," he saif as he pointed it out, "and Ursa Minor."

"What and what?" Ren questioned in confusion.

Hux sighed. "In YOUR vernacular, it would be the Big and Little Dipper."

"Oh, right. But that's not it. Keep looking!"

"Ren, what am I-" and then he saw it. One small streak across the sky. Hux smiled. "A meteor shower."

Ren nodded as he continued to watch the sky. He grabbed Hux's hand and they stared in silence. "Wished on any yet?" Ren asked.

Hux looked over at him, difficult to see him in the darkness. "Why would I wish on them?"

"Because they're shooting stars!" Ren explained like an excited child. "You're supposed to wish on shooting stars."

"They're meteors, Ren, not stars. Stars don't ACTUALLY shoot across the sky like that."

"Just because something is really something else, doesn't mean it can't also be the something you thought it was."

Hux looked at him and smiled. "If it makes you happy, Ren, I will make a wish on one."

"Okay," Ren replied as he laid is head on Hux's chest. They watched quietly for a while longer. Until Ren broke the silence with, "I heard someone say once, that even if you COULD make a wish on a star, the distance it would have to travel to get there and come back to you to be granted, it would take it a million years."

Hux chuckled. "And still you insist and wishing on them?"

"Of course!" Ren answered. "I think you should make wishes every chance you get! There's a certain magic in it, ya know?"

Hux didn't necessarily agree with this perspective, but he couldn't help smiling at the innocence that exuded from Ren. Ren was a man, a full-grown adult, yet Hux felt that his child-like look on life was endearing. "It makes sense," Hux replied. He then asked, "What did you wish for?"

"Don't you know the rules of wishing?" Ren teased. "You can't tell anyone what you wished for or it won't come true."

Hux wondered why it mattered if it was supposed to take a million years, but he didn't argue.

Hux thought about that night as he stared down at the ring. "This is it," he said. He looked up at the sales woman. "This is the one."

"You're sure?" she asked.

Hux nodded. "Yes."

"I'm so excited for you!" Phasma said as they left the shop, the ring purchased and wrapped up.

Hux smiled at her in return. He was happy. Happier than he'd been in a long time.

When Valentine's Day arrived, he could tell Ren was anxious and excited. He woke up early, as he did every day for work, to find Ren in the kitchen cooking breakfast. "You're up early," Hux noted.

Ren smiled at him. "Well, I wanted to make breakfast for you! Go sit down, it's almost ready."

Hux smiled to himself and follow Ren's direction to be seated. When Ren brought him his plate he chuckled. There were two pancakes in an odd heart shape, as though that were the shape he'd intended, but hadn't quite gotten right. "Heart shaped pancakes?"

Ren shrugged. "Well, they're supposed to be heart shaped, but it's really hard to get it into any shape other than round."

"It's typically easier if you put the batter into a squeezy bottle," Hux informed him as he began buttering his pancakes.

It was though a light had clicked on inside of Ren's head. "Duh! That makes total sense!"

Hux chuckled again. "Well, at least you tried." He poured syrup over his pancakes and then began eating. Ren sat there, waiting. "These are really good, Ren."

"Yes!" Ren said as he did a fist pump. He then began buttering his own. "I'd like to say that I made them from scratch, but I just used a mix."

"They're still marvelous, Ren," he said as he grabbed Ren's hand and kissed it. "Just like you."

Ren smiled and dropped his head. "I'm not marvelous."

"Oh, but you are," Hux assured him. He grabbed his chin and gently brought his face back up. "You're everything to me, Ren." He kissed him gently on the lips and added in a whisper, "I hope you realise that."

********************************************************

Hux had convinced Phasma to cover the shop for him. He had a special appointment to attend. He took a deep breath before he entered Luke's shop. He'd never walked in there without Ren before, so it was a little unnerving. Everything about Luke was bold and loud. Hux was often grateful to have Ren there as a buffer.

Paige was helping a customer as Hux walked in. She looked up at him, smiled, and waved, then went back to the patron. Hux had already spoken with Luke, he knew he was coming, so he made his way to Luke's loft.

Luke was sitting on the sofa, doing a crossword puzzle. Hux knocked on the door as he stepped in. Luke looked up. "Hux!" he said excitedly. He set his crossword down and went to him. "How are you?"

"I'm well," he answered as they embraced. Hux felt much more comfortable with this than he had been, though he still didn't necessarily care for it.

"So, what can I do for you?" Luke asked as they made their way to the sofa.

Hux took a deep breath. "Well, I had something very important to ask you," Hux answered as he sat down. "I know how much you mean to Ren. You're like a father to him. And he means everything to me." He looked Luke in the eyes. He saw love and caring there. Hux knew these were things he'd come to admire in Ren and he was certain he'd learned much of it from Luke. He took a deep breath and said, "Luke, I'd like your blessing. I want to ask Ren to marry me."

Luke smiled at him and put a gand on his shoulder. "You have it, undoubtedly." Hux let go a sigh of relief. He didn't think Luke would say no, but he had to be prepared for that possibility. "Hux, you've made Ren come alive again! He's happier than I've ever seen him before. I couldn't ask for a better life companion for my nephew than the man he's found himself with." He embraced Hux. "Congratulations, kid." He pulled away. "So, when are you going to ask him?"

"Tonight."

Luke chuckled. "On Valentine's Day? I knew there was a bit of a romantic in you," he teased.

Hux laughed. He'd never thought of himself that way, but knew Ren had rubbed off on him in more ways than one. He'd changed subtly, but in good ways, and it was all because Ren had come into his life.

********************************************************

"Don't you think the blindfold is a bit much?" Hux asked as Ren drove.

"No, it's a surprise!"

Hux faked irritation, but he'd grown to love surprises from Ren. They were often thoughtful and showed how much he cared.

Ren parked the car and got out, helping Hux out from his side. "Okay, we're almost there." He led Hux by the hand.

Hux chuckled. "Why don't you tell me where we are already?!" Hux asked, being filled with anticipation.

"Relax, Gingerbread," Ren instructed as he led him onto a elevator. He held Hux's hands excitedly through the ride. "Okay, we're almost there," Ren encouraged as he pulled him down a hallway. Hux just smiled. I heard Ren open a door and pulled him inside.

"I'm at a lose," Hux admitted. "Where are we?"

Ren giggled. "Okay," he said as he pulled the blindfold off. It took a few moments for Hux's eyes to focus. He looked around. They were in a hotel room. There was a trail of rose petals leading from the doorway to the bed. It was a large king-sized bed with a small dark brown teddy bear nestled under the covers as though it had been tucked into bed. "What do you think?" Ren ventured as Hux stepped farther in to exam the room.

There were small heart-shaped boxes, presumably with an assortment of chocolate inside, on every surface. "Ren! This is too much!" Hux protested as tears began to prick the edges of his eyes.

"Oh, but there's more," Ren informed him as grabbed his hands and pulled him from the room. He opened another door and they stepped inside. There was a hot tub with rose petals floating on the top. It was surrounded by fake candles that illuminated the room.

Hux turned to him. "Ren," he began, but was interrupted by Ren.

"Since I work here, I was able to get the honeymoon suite super cheap," he explained. "So, don't expect something like this every year," he teased.

Hux chuckled. "I won't." He turned to Ren and kissed him hard. He pulled away and looking into his eyes whispered, "You've made me the happiest I've ever been."

Ren smiled. "That's all I want, Hux. For you to be happy."

Hux nodded. "I am." He kissed him again and gently pushed him back toward the bed. When Ren's legs hit the bed, he sat down, pulling Hux into his lap. Hux cupped his face in his hands and kissed him hard. He pulled away, nipping at Ren's lip in the process. "I love you so much, Ren."

Ren smiled at him. "I love you too."

Hux pressed his lips to Ren's once more and forced him to lay down. Hux made his way to kissing Ren's neck. Ren tipped his head back and moaned. Suddenly, Ren's phone rang. "Sorry, I forgot to turn it off," Ren said as he reached into his pocket and pulled it out. Hux noticed the caller ID, it was Leia.

Hux sat up. "You should probably answer it."

Ren set his phone aside. "I'm sure it's nothing."

Hux looked at him sternly. "Your mom wouldn't call unless it were important."

"If it's important, she'll leave a message."

"Ren."

"Fine," Ren said defeated. He sat up and answered his phone. "Hey, Mom, what's- Why? What's wrong?" Hux now started paying attention, striving to hear the other end of the conversation. "What?! What... What happened? Oh... Okay... Um, we'll head that way now. I will."

Hux looked at Ren, wanting to know what was going on. Ren hung up the phone, but he didn't move. It was like.he was frozen in place. "What's going on?" Hux finally asked, pulling Ren from his spell.

"My... My dad... He's... He's in the hospital." Ren wouldn't look at Hux as he answered. "Mom said... An accident. We have to go."

Hux stood up and pulled Ren to his feet. "Give me your keys, I'll drive."

"But, it was... It was the breaks! I fixed them the other day! I... He's hurt because of me."

"Ren," Hux said as he grabbed his face between his hands, "look at me." He wouldn't. "Look at me, Ren!" Ren's eyes made their way to Hux's own. "YOU are NOT responsible. Do you understand?" Tears filled his eyes, but he didn't answer. "Do you understand, Ren!"

"But-"

"It's NOT your fault," Hux reiterated. "Now, give me your keys and we'll go."

Ren seemed to be in a complete daze as they drove to the hospital. It was obvious that Ren was in shock. He held his hand as they drove, but remained silent otherwise. Ren could barely ask for his dad's room when they arrived. They were sent to the waiting room where they met Leia and the twins.

"Ben!" Leia almost shouted as she went to him and threw her arms around him.

"What happened?" Ren begged to know.

"He was coming home from work," Leia explained. "The officers at the scene don't know if his breaks didn't work or what happened. He's in surgery now."

Hux had stepped back as he watched Ren with his family. Jaina was curled up into Jacen's arms. It was strange to see them like this. He knew they were close, but they also seemed to be at odds with one another. Tragedy often brings people closer together though.

Ren and his mom finally broke their embrace and Leia led him to an empty chair beside her. She held his hand as she continued to sob silently. Hux sat next to Ren and put a hand on his knee. He didn't exactly know what to do for him and didn't want to intrude on his family.

They waited for hours. Eventually, Hux excused himself to get some coffee. He would have much rathered tea, but coffee machines existed, not tea machines. When he came back to the waiting room, only Ren was there.

"He's out of surgery," Ren told him.

"How's he doing?" Hux asked.

"The doctor wouldn't say much," Ren answered. "We're going in to see him. Mom and Jaina and Jacen already headed that way."

Hux took Ren's hand in his. "Let's go then." Ren led the way to the room he'd been told to go to. As he was heading inside, Hux held back. Ren looked at him in question. "I think it's best if I stay out here."

"What? Why?" Ren's face was coloured in fear.

"I really don't think your mom would want me in there."

"So? I want you in there." Ren's eyes moistened and his lip quivered as he added in a whisper, "I NEED you in there with me."

Hux reached out and wiped the tears that had managed to escape. "I know you want me with you, but I think it's for the best."

Ren began to sob. "Please? Please, Hux? I... I... I need you."

It broke Hux's heart to see Ren like this. All he wanted was to hold him and make the world go away, but he knew he needed to stand his ground. Leia wouldn't want him in there. Han wouldn't either. "You need to go," Hux said as he pulled away and took a step back. "I'll be right here. I promise."

He could see Ren turn to anger as he turned around and went inside. Hux found a nearby chair and sat down. He buried his face in his hands and wept. He wanted to be there for Ren! But he had to do this on his own; Hux knew he wouldn't have been welcome inside.

"Hux?" a familiar voice asked.

Hux looked up and his heart began pounding. It couldn't be! "DJ?"

He smiled, it was kind and genuine. "Hey! What are you doing here?"

"I um... My... That is... He... I..." Hux couldn't form a coherent thought. DJ was here! Standing right in front of him.

DJ sat next to him and put a hand on his knee. "You okay?"

Hux shook his head as tears filled his eyes. "No! No, I'm not!" Uncharacteristically, DJ put his arms around him. Hux didn't care that this was the man who had broken his heart, he needed this solace, so he fell apart in his arms.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, babe," DJ whispered soothingly as he rubbed his back.

"My boyfriend's father... He... He was in an accident," Hux explained through his tears.

"Wait, Solo?" DJ asked.

Hux pulled away and nodded. "Yes."

DJ sighed. "I was his surgeon. Fuck, I'm so sorry, Hux."

"What? What do you mean?"

DJ took another deep breath. "I did everything I could do. He's on life support. It's the only thing keeping him alive."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all foe your loveand support. Knowing you enjoy my work makes my day. Kudos and comments always inspire me <3


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren and his family deal with the aftermath of Han's accident.

"Hey, Mom, what's-"

"You need to come to the hospital right now," Leia interrupted in a panic.

"Why?" Ren asked in fear. "What's wrong?"

'Did Mom get hurt? Or maybe Jaina? It could be anything!'

"Your dad was in an accident," she quickly explained.

'Accident? Like at work?'

"What?! What..." Ren began to ask in a frantic. He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. "What happened?"

"He was in a car accident," Leia answered. "They think his breaks didn't work, but they're not sure."

"Oh... Okay... Um, we'll head that way now."

"Be safe," she added.

"We will."

Ren played that phone call over and over in his head. 'Hux is wrong. This IS my fault.'

Ren could barely listen to the surgeon as they gathered around his dad's bed. "The life support is all that's keeping him here," he said. "I know this is difficult, but it's something you'll want to think about Mrs. Solo, whether keeping him here is what's best or not."

Leia nodded. "I understand. Thank you."

"I'll leave you to be with him," Dr. Jones said and then he slipped out.

"What... What are you gonna do, Mom?" Jacen asked.

"She's gonna keep him alive," Ren answered. He looked at his mom. "Right?"

Leia sniffled. "I don't know," she answered as her voice cracked.

'Un-fucking-believable! She can't be seriously thinking of taking him off of life support! God, I wish Hux was in here. I need him!'

"We... We don't have to decide right now," Jaina piped in from where she was standing next to Jacen, wrapped tightly in his arms. "Do we?"

"I don't want you kids to worry about it," Leia replied. "We should just be with him."

'Doesn't he have a living will or something? Or, they must have TALKED about it at least.'

They all stood there together, no one saying anything. Leia finally turned to Ren. "Ben, can I talked to you outside for a moment?" Ren followed her out to the hall. "Ben, this decision isn't easy." Leia paused, hoping Ren would add more for her.

'What does she want me to say? I know it's hard. I don't know what to do.'

"Ben," she said softly as she placed a hand on his arm. He finally looked her in the eyes. "I need to know you're okay with this."

Ren searched her eyes. 'I know what she's saying, but I have to hear her say it.'

"Okay with what?" Ren asked aloud.

Leia's eyes filled with tears. "I don't want to leave him on life support."

Ren didn't know how to respond. He looked back down at the ground. "I understand."

She grabbed his hands. "Are you okay with it, sweetie?"

Ren looked at her again, his eyes now brimming with tears. "How can I be okay with it?" He pulled away and wrapped his arms around himself. "We didn't always get along, but..." he trailed off.

'We'll never be able to reconcile.' Ren pressed his back against the wall and he finally let it all out and began to sob openly. Leia wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.

"I DO love him, Mom! I do! I don't want him to die!"

"I know, sweetie. I know," she whispered as she stroked his hair. "And he loves you too."

"I know he does."

'I just wish I'd told him that.' Leia held him and let him sob. He finally stifled his tears and pulled away.

"We should tell Jaina and Jacen," he said in a whisper.

Leia nodded. "You can ask Hux to come in with you," Leia told him, "when we..."

Ren nodded. "Okay. I'll go get him."

Leia nodded again and went back inside the room. Ren sighed. He made his way down the hall to find Hux. 'He probably sat down somewhere.' Ren stopped when he saw him. He was sitting with someone. It was the surgeon! 'Why's he talking to Hux?' Ren stepped closer and saw that Dr. Jones had a hand on Hux's knee and the other on his back, rubbing soft circles. Hux held his hand in return. 'What the fuck!?'

Ren stepped closer and cleared his throat. They both turned to him. "Ren, I'm so sorry," Hux said weakly. He stood up and wiped his eyes. He went to Ren and pulled him into his arms. "He was just telling me about your dad. I'm so sorry, Ren!"

Ren didn't know why Hux was being so affectionate with the surgeon, but he let it go for the moment. "Mom said she doesn't want to leave him on life support," Ren explained. His voice cracked as he said it and he broke down into tears again.

Hux held him tighter. 'Don't let go! Please!'

As if reading his thoughts, Hux whispered. "I'm right here, Ren. I'm right here. I've got you."

"I don't want to lose him! I... I love him! I really do! I always have!"

"I know, Asthore, I know," Hux whispered as he stroked Ren's hair. "And I know he knows. I'm so sorry, Ren."

They stood like that for some time, until Leia came out of the room again. She approached them and spoke, "Jaina and Jacen are in the room with him. You can join them whenever you would like. I'm going to call Luke."

Hux pulled away from Ren and replied, "I can do that for you. You're in no state to have to make calls. Besides, you should be with him."

Leia nodded. "Thank you."

"Anyone else I should call on your behalf?"

Leia shook her head, then she paused. "Lando and Amlyn. I'll get you their numbers." Leia walked over to the nurse's desk and got a piece of paper and a pen. When she came back, she handed the paper to Hux. "Here are a few people, if you wouldn't mind."

"I'd be more than happy to," Hux assured her. "Anything I can do."

Leia smiled at him and stepped back into the room. Hux turned back to Ren and grabbed his hand. "Anyone I can call for you, Agra? Anything I can do at all?"

'Take away the pain? Can you do that?'

Ren shook his head. "Just Rey, if you would."

"Of course," Hux replied as he kissed Ren's cheek. "I'll be in as soon as I'm done."

Ren nodded and slipped back into the room as well. Jaina was sitting on the side of the bed, holding Han's hand. 'She looks so small and young next to him like that. Fuck, I've been such a shit older brother. I'll do better. I promise. For YOU, Dad, I'll try to be better.' Ren sat in a chair next to his mom and leaned his head on her shoulder. She put her arm around him and began stroking his hair again.

"I asked Hux to call Rey too," Ren whispered to her.

Leia nodded. "She should know too." She sighed. "I'm so sorry, Ben. I truly am."

'I know she is and if Dad were awake, I know he'd say the same thing. I should have made things right with him. Damn it! I'll never be able to make it right!' Ren hadn't realized, but he'd started sobbing again. Leia pulled him closer and shushed him.

Eventually Hux came inside and sat on Ren's other side. He quietly grabbed Ren's hand, and said nothing. They each rotated between sitting and standing with Han, except Ren, who sat there silently next to Hux.

'I just can't do this. I mean, how can I say goodbye? Especially when there's so much more left to say?'

Rey and her boyfriends arrived shortly. "Rey," Leia said with a smile as she walked in. She went to Leia and fell into her arms, sobbing.

"I'm so sorry," she wailed into Leia's shoulder.

Leia held her and stroked her hair, much like she'd done with Ren. "It's okay, honey. It's okay."

Ren stood up and Rey looked at him. "Oh, Ren!" She pulled away from Leia and fell into Ren's arms. "I'm so sorry!"

"Me too," Ren answered.

'Han's always been like a dad to her. She's losing her dad too. God, why did this have to happen?! I love him, I do! Now I'll never make it right.' Ren sobbed into Rey's shoulder as she cried into his in turn.

Luke showed up next. "Leia," he called gently to his sister. She looked up from where she was holding Jaina.

"Luke!" She let go of her daughter and went to him, sobbing as he pulled her close.

"Leia," he whispered, "I'm so sorry."

'I'm already sick of that phrase,' Ren thought to himself. 'I fucking hate this!' Hux pulled him tighter to his side as though he knew Ren's thoughts. 'I know he understands a lot of this. He lost his mom after all, but it's different in so many ways. He knew it was coming, this was unexpected. They got along, while Dad and I... I don't even remember the last time we spoke, civilly any way.'

Ren didn't know how much time had passed, but Leia finally addressed the room. "I've decided it's best to not leave him on life support. Take your time and say your goodbyes and once everyone has, I'll call the doctor back in. Anyone who would like to is free to leave the room for when..." She choked, as though she couldn't let herself say the words aloud. "Don't feel like you have to be in the room when it happens."

Everyone talked in hushed tones, trying desperately to be respectful and reverent. Ren, for the most part, sat with Hux holding him. He pulled away a few times, once to hug Luke and another time Poe. Poe held him tighter than he ever had before. "Renny, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine, bro." He pulled away and looked him in the eyes. "Tell me what I can do for you."

Ren wouldn't meet his gaze. He shrugged. "Just, hold me a bit longer?"

Poe pulled him close to his chest once again. "I can do that." Ren was slightly amused that, given the circumstance, Poe didn't make some kind of joke about his boyfriend watching them or something.

When he hugged Luke, Luke asked to talk to him outside in the hall. "How are you doing, kiddo?" he asked as he rested a hand on his shoulder.

Ren crossed his arms across his chest and stared at the floor. "I feel like shit." He paused, letting tears fill his eyes. "I love him. I really do. We just... We never got along."

"I know," Luke whispered in turn. "I know you're angry you didn't get a chance to reconcile. I feel the same, but at least he and I could get along." Luke sighed as he put a hand on Ren's shoulder. "My heart goes out to you, Ren."

Ren broke down, sobbing once again. Luke pulled him tightly into his arms. Ren wrapped his arms around him in return, holding tightly, as though his life depended on it. "It just isn't fair!"

"I know it's not, I know," Luke replied.

'Why him? Why?! No, he wasn't the best dad, but there are far worse people who actually DESERVE to die! Why HIM!? Father Sky, tell me!'

Luke held him until he'd quieted down. Ren finally pulled away, sniffling. "Thank you," he whispered. Luke nodded and then they went back into the room together.

Ren looked over at Hux. Poe was sitting next to him and they were talking in a quiet whisper. On his other side, not to Ren's surprise, was Jaina. Hux had his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to his side. Ren studied them for a moment.

'She's so comfortable with him. And him with her. I mean, he's been more of a big brother to her than I've EVER been. I'm going to fix that. God, I wish it hadn't taken Dad's accident to make me see things.'

Jaina looked over at him and gave a weak smile. She got out of the chair and motioned for him to sit down next to Hux. Ren came over and sat next to him. Jaina then, without a word, crawled into Ren's lap and wrapped her ams around his neck. Ren was surprised, but he put an arm around her in return. He glanced over at Hux who gave him an encouraging smile.

'I can't fix things with Dad, but I can fix other things. I'm going to be better,' he silently vowed.

After sometime, and everyone had a chance to say their good-byes to Han, the doctor came in once again and shut the machines off. 'This is it,' Ren thought as he teared up. 'He's really going to be gone.'

The doctor checked all of the vitals and turned to Leia. "He's gone."

Leia nodded and then broke down. Luke quickly went to her and pulled her close.

Ren sat there motionless. Hux held his hand tightly. Ren didn't hear much of what was going on. They would be allowed to stay as long as they'd like and once they left, the body would be taken care of.

'The "body". That's all it is. I know, it just... I want to hug him one last time. Hear his voice again. Get our hands greasy as we work on a car together. It wasn't all just bad times. There were some good times too.'

Leia invited everyone over to her house. Ren felt like he was in a fog as they all exited the room. When they got in the car, Hux held his hand again. "Ren?" he prodded gently. Ren didn't answer. "I'm here for you," he finally added. Ren just nodded and continued to stare out the window.

'It's surreal being here,' Ren thought as they stepped over the threshold into his mom's house. 'Dad will never be here again.' He paused. 'Poor Chewie! I don't think he'll be able to understand.'

"Hey, Mom, where's Chewie?" Ren asked.

"He's probably outside," she answered.

'She knows exactly what I'm thinking. That poor dog. I never thought he'd out live Dad.' Ren made his way to the backyard. Hux followed quietly. It was warm for a February evening, but it felt so gloomy as Ren stepped outside. Chewie immediately ran to him.

"Hey, boy," he said as he knelt down to pet the large, hairy, beast. Chewie sniffed him and licked his hands. Tears formed in Ren's eyes again. "I got some bad news," he whispered as he continued petting the dog. "Um," he cleared his throat, "Dad's not coming back." Chewie just looked up at him and panted.

Hux put a hand on his shoulder. "Agra?"

Ren began sobbing yet again. 'How do I even have any tears left!?'

"He's gone, Hux! He's gone!" Ren wailed as he hugged Chewie to him.

Hux knelt down beside him and pulled him into his arms. "Asthore, shh, I'm right here! Oh, beloved!"

Ren let go of Chewie and wrapped his arms around, Hux. "This is so fucked up! Why? Why'd he have to go?! It isn't fair!"

Hux stroked his hair and held him tightly. "No, it's not. I'm so sorry, Ren!"

Ren cried for a little while longer, letting Hux just hold him. After some time, he didn't have the strength or energy to cry anymore. He pulled away, sniffled, and rubbed his nose. Hux stood up and pulled him to his feet. "Let's go inside," he suggested. Ren nodded. They went in, letting Chewie come inside as well.

Everyone sat around the table discussing things, memories and such. However, funeral arrangements were the main focus. Everyone seemed to try their best to stay busy. Finn kept busy by making food for everyone and making sure they ate. Jaina and Jacen clung to each other and Luke sat with Leia, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Ren couldn't focus on any of it and was glad when Hux suggested they head home. "You boys are more than welcome to stay here tonight," Leia offered.

'She doesn't want to be alone,' Ren gathered. 'I can't say I blame her.'

Ren answered. "Thank you. We'll stay in my old room." Leia nodded as Ren excused himself for the evening. He was tired. Drained physically and emotionally. He and Hux went to his room and closed the door.

"You ready to sleep, love?" Hux asked. Ren nodded in answer. "Let's get a little more comfortable then." Hux helped him undress to his tank and boxers. Ren then got into the bed and crawled under the covers. Hux undressed down to his briefs and crawled in next to him, pulling him close.

"It's weird to have him gone," Ren whispered to him. "I just... I don't know."

Hux nodded. "I understand. I really do."

Ren sighed. 'He does, in a lot of ways. I just... I just don't want to think anymore.' And with that thought, Ren closed his eyes and drifted off into a restless sleep.

********************************************************

Ren wanted to sleep in. All he wanted to do was sleep. 'At least while I'm asleep, it's not real,' he thought to himself as he laid in bed. He rolled away from Hux, who was draped over him. He got his phone and called the hotel. Kathy answered.

"Hey, Kathy, it's Ren, I'm not gonna make it in today-"

"Your boyfriend called last night," Kathy interrupted. "I am so sorry for you! Don't you worry, you take as long as you need, okay? Oh, and we got your things out of your room, so no need to worry about that. Is there anything I can do for you, doll?"

"No," Ren answered, "thank you, though. I appreciate it."

"Well, you call if you need anything."

Ren sighed after he'd hung up. 'It just feels like too much!' He closed his eyes. 'Dad's gone! How can that be?! I just... Just... I don't even know! God! I fucking hate this!'

Ren looked over at Hux, who slept soundly. 'Happy fucking Valentine's Day,' he thought glumly. He decided he couldn't just lay there, so he quietly climbed out of bed and left the room. He headed for the kitchen to make himself some coffee, but he stopped just outside as he heard Luke and Leia talking in hushed tones.

"You made the right decision, sis," Luke assured her. "You know Han wouldn't want you to have kept him alive through machines."

"I just feel so guilty," Leia sniffled. "God, Luke, how am I supposed to go on without him?!"

"You have Ben," he reminded her, "and the twins. They need you right now."

"Ben," she scoffed, "that boy has made it quite clear he doesn't need me or anyone. Anyone outside of that boyfriend of his."

"Hux is a good guy," Luke replied.

"He's been nothing but poison," Leia spat back. "If he hadn't come into his life, none of this would have happened. Ben would still be here. He'd be in school. Things between him and Han would never have gotten to where they did." Leia began to sob. "I just want them back! Han AND Ben!"

"No one's every really gone," Luke consoled her. "Han will live on in you and your children."

Leia sniffled. "But Ben's gone," Leia replied quietly. "He hasn't been our son in a long time."

Ren turned and went back to his room. 'I don't want to hear any more. Why am I not surprised that Mom still thinks I'm just a broken little boy.' Ren stepped back into his room, closed the door behind him and locked it. He laid down in bed and snuggled close to Hux. 'I wish you could take this all away. I don't want to feel anything any more. I don't want to think or feel. I just... I just... I want to be numb.'

"Morning, love," Hux whispered.

"Morning," Ren replied.

Hux turned to his other side to look at him. "How'd you sleep?"

Ren shrugged. "Okay. You?"

"Not bad." Hux stretched. "I always prefer sleeping in my own bed though."

Ren pressed forward and kissed him. 'Make it go away. Please! All of it!'

Hux pulled away with a chuckle. "Ren, maybe we should wait until we get home."

'I know he's right, but I... I just don't want to think... Or feel.' He just nodded his response.

Hux grabbed his chin and pushed it up to look at him. "Hey, we can shag all day if you'd like. I called Phasma last night and she already said she'd watch the shop." He kissed Ren gently. "I'm all yours today."

Ren smiled. "Okay." He sighed. "I'm ready to go home any way."

Hux smiled and nodded. "Alright." They both got out of bed and dressed. They then went out to the living room. Ren peaked into the dining room to tell his mom goodbye, but she was gone, Luke remained at the table by himself.

"Hey," Ren offered.

Luke looked up at him and smiled. "Morning! How'd you sleep?"

Ren shrugged. "Okay. Um, we're gonna head home. You seen Mom?"

Luke shook his head as he took a sip of his coffee. "Think she's in her room asleep still. I'll tell her you said bye."

Ren nodded. 'Why would he lie to me? Guess he thinks a lie is better than the truth that Mom is still angry with who I am.'

"I'll talk to you later then." He quickly turned and left. He grabbed Hux's hand as he came back into the living room. "Let's go home." Hux nodded as they left.

They both were silent on the drive back to their apartment. 'He probably doesn't know what to say,' Ren guessed. 'I wouldn't either if I were him.' Ren sighed to himself. 'I'm so tired. I'm just fucking drained. Physically, emotionally. God, I could just sleep for days!'

Once they were back at the apartment, Ren headed straight to their room. He peeled off his clothes, undressing down to just his boxers and got into bed. Hux laid down beside him and pulled him close. "I wish I knew what to do, Agra."

'Me too.'

Hux sighed. "When Dr. Jones told me out in the hall, my heart broke for you."

'Wait? The surgeon! What was he doing holding his hand and shit!?'

Ren turned and looked at Hux. "Did you know him or something?"

Hux looked confused. "What?"

"He was touching you and you held his hand," Ren pointed out angrily. "What the Hell was that all about?"

The blood from Hux's face seemed to drain away in an instant. "Oh, I, um, Ren... Yes, I knew him. He was... An old friend."

'That it?'

"Like a boyfriend?" Ren asked.

Hux licked his lips, trying to stall. "Yes. He... And I... It seems like a lifetime ago."

'Strangely, I don't have it in me to care.'

"Okay," Ren replied. "I just thought it was strange to see you all, physical with him." 

Hux was quiet for a moment. "That was DJ," he whispered.

'Doctor Jones... DJ... Ha! I get it. That's kind of clever... And stupid.'

"Oh," was all Ren said.

"You're not angry?" Hux asked.

Ren shrugged. "No. I just... I don't care. Whatever." Ren rolled away. "I'm going to go back to sleep."

"Okay," Hux replied. He pulled Ren close, his back pressed against his chest. "I love you," he whispered.

'I know,' Ren thought, but was too tired to say anything aloud, so he closed his eyes and went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was difficult and theraputic in a lot of ways. I lost my grandpa back in September and this chapter was very reminiscent of the thoughts and emotions that went on amongst me and my siblings. I'm glad I can use my writing to help get through it. Hope you all enjoy this chapter!


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux tries his best to take care of Ren as he mourns. DJ makes another surpirse appearance. Then, the funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, writer's block, laziness, and life have just gotten in the way. But thank you all for continuing to read. It means so much to me that you're enjoying it! Have a great day all!
> 
> Gaelic terms: Tráthnóna mhaith (Good afternoon)  
> Grá mo chroí (my beloved)  
> Codladh sáhm (sleep well)

Hux managed to convince Phasma to run the shop over the next week for him so he could stay with Ren. He feared leaving him alone.

"He needs me right now," Hux explained.

"I know, luv," she replied. "I just wish there was more I could do." She paused. "You didn't get a chance to ask him, did you?"

Hux sighed. He knew exactly what she was talking about. "No. And how can I now?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

'I'm sorry.' It was something people were saying a lot lately. Hux remembered people saying it when his mother had died.

"We're sorry for your lose, Colonel," some sergeant said to Brendol at the graveside.

"Thank you," he replied.

Hux watched his father as several people approached them and said those same five words: 'we're sorry for your lose'. Even then, Hux hated that phrase. He hadn't lost his mother, he knew right where she was! She was just gone and he didn't know how he was going to go on without her.

Hux looked down at Ren lying beside him. He sighed as he thought about the ring he'd purchased. How perfect his proposal was going to be! He brushed the hair from Ren's face and kissed his cheek. "Grá mo chroí (love of my heart)," he whispered.

Hux kept himself busy throughout the day and let Ren sleep. He did the dishes and laundry. Cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom. Even reorganized his bookshelves. Around noon, he finally curled up on the sofa, with a cup of tea, Millicent on his lap, and one of his favorite books.

He was absorbed in his reading, but he still heard Ren as he clambered into the living room. Hux looked over at him and smiled. Ren's long hair was tossled, falling into his face. He wore black sweats that hung low on his hips and a dark gray tank. "Tráthnóna mhaith, Grá mo chroí. Codladh sáhm?"

Ren shook his head. "I'm not in the mood right now to try and figure out what you're saying."

Hux's smile faded. "I just said 'good afternoon. Sleep well'?" Hux wasn't sure why he didn't translate the 'beloved' part, but he didn't.

Ren shrugged. "As well as I could, I guess." He flopped down on the couch and laid his head on Hux's shoulder. He sighed. "I'm gonna go back to work tomorrow."

"Really? So soon?"

Ren was quite for a moment. "There's no reason NOT to. I mean... Yeah, Dads dead, but there's nothing I can do about it. Sitting at home stewing about it isn't going to help either."

"No," Hux agreed, "but if you need time-"

Ren pulled away. "I'm fine." He stood up. "I'm gonna grab a beer, you want one?"

Hux wanted to scold him for drinking when it was barely one o'clock in the afternoon, but he didn't. He just shook his head and answered, "No, thank you." Ren then disappeared into the kitchen. When he came back, he had a beer in each hand. He, once again, sat next to Hux, put one beer on the worktop, and opened the other to start drinking from it.

Hux watched him for a moment. Ren glanced over. "What?"

Hux shrugged. "Just curious to know if you're going to go on a drinking binge, that's all."

"Fuck you," Ren replied as he began chugging his beer.

Hux sighed. He'd come to learn that Ren was a naturally angry person. Anger was a default emotion for him, especially when he had to deal with something difficult. "Why don't we invite Rey and the boys over?" Hux suggested.

Ren stared down at his beer can and shook his head. "I really don't want to see anyone."

Hux shrugged. "Okay, I just thought..." He paused as he looked at Ren; he was crying. "Ren?"

He sniffled and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry. I just..." His lip quivered as he tried to regain his composure. "I'm angry and I'm sad and I wish I could have changed things and I feel like it's all my fault. Fuck! It's like I'm going through all the stages of grief at once!"

Hux moved Millicent onto the floor and pulled Ren to him; he went willingly. "Ren, Grá mo chroí. I'm here. I'm here."

Ren clung tightly to him as he sobbed into his chest. "Does God hate me or something?! Why'd he have to die!? It's fucked up! I fucking hate this!"

Hux just held him and let him cry. What more could he do? Eventually, Ren's tears subsided. Hux looked down at him. He was shocked to realized, he'd cried himself to sleep! Hux tried to move to lay him down, but the movement made Ren cling to him. Hux sighed and decided to give up. He made himself as comfortable as he could and fell to sleep as well.

********************************************************

The week seemed to drag on. When Ren was home, he was either drinking or crying, sometimes both. Hux didn't want to leave him alone, but they both needed to go back to work. The night before the funeral, Hux tried to get everything at the shop squared away so that Phasma wouldn't have to worry about anything.

He was in the back when he heard the front door open. He cursed at himself, he must have forgotten to lock it. "Sorry, we're closed," he called as he stepped out front, but he stopped abruptly when he saw DJ standing there.

DJ smiled politely. "Hey."

Hux's heart started to pound. 'No, no, NO! Not here! Not now!' Hux thought to himself. He took several deep breaths before replying. "There something I can do for you?"

"Wow, so cold, really?"

Hux crossed his arms. "What do you want, DJ?"

He took a seat at a nearby table. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine. Now, if you'll excuse me-"

"Hux," he called to him as he stood up. "Please, I really just wanted to make sure you were alright."

Hux heaved a deep sigh. "I'm doing as well as I can." He paused. "Why couldn't you have been more like this when we were together?"

DJ's expression changed to questioning. "What do you mean?"

"This!" Hux yelled, throwing his hands in the air. "Actually caring and giving a shit!"

DJ looked down. "I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry."

Hux scoffed. "An 'I'm sorry' really doesn't cover it."

DJ looked up. "What do you want me to say?"

Hux turned away. "I don't know," he said in nearly a whisper. He sighed again as he turned to look back at him. "You were a horrible boyfriend, you know?"

DJ nodded. "I DO know... Now. I think I knew then too, but I didn't care. I've changed though and I truly am sorry for hurting you the way I did."

Hux nodded. "I'm not saying I forgive you, but I accept the apology. I don't know if I can EVER forgive you."

"And I deserve that," DJ admitted as he stepped forward. "I was a really fucked up guy back then." He paused. "I'm glad to see you've moved on. How's your boyfriend doing?"

Hux didn't answer immediately. This whole conversation felt strange to him. "He's doing okay. The funeral is tomorrow."

DJ nodded. "I'm really sorry. I wish there was more I could have done." He sat back down. "It's not the same as knowing and loving someone and losing them, but, as a surgeon, it's hard when we can't save them."

Hux nodded now. "I'm sure." He stepped forward and took the seat across from DJ. "Part of Ren's problem is, he and his dad never got along."

DJ nodded. "That's tough."

"I think he loved him far more than he realized and in losing him, he has so many regrets." Hux paused, tears brimming. "I just don't know what to do for him!" Hux met DJ's eyes, they seemed softer than before, kinder even. "I hate seeing him suffer. Watching him day in and day out in the torment he's in. His soul is conflicted and he's angry and hurt. I want to comfort him and bring him solace, but I don't know how. I wish, more than anything, that I could fix it."

DJ smirked. "You're still as wordy as you were back when we were together." He chuckled, but then his expression grew serious. "Sometimes the only thing we can do for someone is wait. I don't know the guy, but you may just need to wait and just be there for him when he falls apart."

*******************************************************

Hux sat there, a mix of feelings. He was sad. He was angry. But most of all, he was hurt. He looked up at his father, his expression stoic and hard. Hux forced his eyes forward again, at the open casket that had his mom's body in it. It felt strange to know that he'd never see her again. He'd never hold her hand or laugh with her.

Hux closed his eyes. He was trying to hold back tears. His father had already said he'd better not cry. That crying was for the weak. Hux took a deep breath. He was a Hux! He was supposed to be strong. He opened his eyes again and stared forward, hardening his heart as best he could.

Hux couldn't help letting the memories of his mother's funeral flood his mind as they sat in the church for Han's. Hux tried to listen to Father Gailin. He glanced at Ren. He seemed to be somewhere else.

As they made their way to the cemetery, Ren continued to remain quiet. It was almost as though he were just going through the motions, but after the grave side service, Ren did something Hux hadn't expected. He went to Janea and talked to her. "How are you doing?" he asked her, real concern in his tone.

She sniffled. "I'm okay."

Ren put his arm around her and she snuggled into his side. He pulled her close as she began to cry some more. "It's okay, sis. It's okay," he soothed.

She nodded, but didn't reply, just sobbed into Ren's dress shirt. Hux watched all of Ren's family and friends. In so many ways, the love and affection they had for one another was foreign to him. At his father's command, he wasn't allowed to cry for his mom. But, everyone here held nothing back as they mourned.

"Hey," Hux heard a gentle alto voice say to him. He turned to see who had spoken and was greeted by the kind smile of Amlyn Holdo.

"Amlyn," he replied with his own smile. She opened her arms to him and they embraced. She finally pulled away, but kept her arm around him. "How are you boys doing?"

"Alright," he answered. "Ren is... Well, Ren."

Amlyn nodded. "He's tough. He'll get through this. Besides, he has you," she said as she gave him a gentle squeeze.

Hux smiled. "I just wish I could do more for him."

"I know," Amlyn said with a sigh. "I feel like that for Leia. She's been my best friend since, ever, she's like a sister to me." She gave Hux another hug. "Let me know if there's anything I can do for you and Ben."

Hux nodded. "I will." She then left to talk to Leia. Lando was the next one to approach Hux. He shook his hand.

"It's nice to see you again," he said with that soulful grin of his. "Wish it were under better circumstances."

"I do as well," Hux replied. "How are you?"

Lando's smile never faltered, though now there were tears in his eyes. "I'm okay." Hux placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Lando took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his eyes and his nose. "How's our Ben doing? I haven't had a chance to talk with him."

"He's as good as you would expect." Hux paused. "He and Han weren't on the best of terns and I think it's eating at him."

Lando nodded. "I feel for the kid. It's hard trying to live up to your old man's expectations. He always wanted Han to be proud of him. In a lot of ways, Han was."

"Really?" Hux was surprised by that.

"Yeah. I know, he didn't say it much, but you knew Han. He didn't express that kind of stuff." Lando looked at the ground. "He really loved that kid though. It broke his heart when he and Ben got into their last fight." He looked back up at Hux. "He called me after it happened. I tried to tell him to apologize, but he was so bull-headed, you know? He was in the right, so he didn't need to apologize." Tears formed in Lando's eyes. "I wish he just told that kid how much he meant to him." Lando sniffled. "I remember when he first told me that he and Leia were expecting. He was so excited."

"That's not the story I heard," Hux argued. "He told Ren he never wanted him."

Lando waved his hand, dismissing the notion. "He was scared at first, sure, but once he'd really let it sink in, he was happier than he'd ever been. Leia was his world and Ben just added to it."

Hux nodded. "Ren really loved him."

Lando nodded again. "I know."

Eventually, Hux made it back to Ren's side and took his hand. Jaena was holding Ren's other hand. Hux wondered if Han's passing would help Ren build a better relationship with his sister. He recalled discussing it with Ren once.

"Why don't you get along with Jaena? I mean, I see why you don't get along with Jacen, but Jaena is sweet."

Ren shrugged. "They ARE half my age, you know."

"True, but they're still your siblings."

"They're both annoying shits, okay? Why not leave it at that?"

Hux leaned against the doorframe as he watched Ren dress for bed. "Have you ever noticed, she's the only one of your family members to call you Ren?"

Ren rolled his eyes. "Yeah." He slipped into a pair of sweats. He was obviously done talking about it.

Hux sighed and pushed himself from the doorway. "Quite frankly, I think she's a bit scared of you."

Ren shrugged again. "So?" He climbed into bed and under the blankets.

Hux climbed in on his side. "Maybe if you were nicer to her-"

"Why do you care?" Ren asked, fed up with the discussion.

Hux shrugged. "I don't know. It's a lot of things I suppose. She and I get along. And I always wanted a brother or sister."

"Well, you're more than welcome to have mine," Ren commented back.

Hux sighed, knowing that Ren had decided the conversation was over.

Hux thought on that conversation as he looked over at Ren and Jaena holding hands. It was only two months ago they'd had that conversation, and now they were here comforting one another. Hux smiled to himself as he thought that perhaps there could be some good that came from Han's death.

After the funeral, they once again, all gathered at Leia's home. Jacen disappeared as soon as they arrived, Finn and Amlyn took over the kitchen to fix a light meal for everyone. Everyone else, gathered in the family room.

"I remember when Leia first introduced me to Han," Luke recounted. "I didn't like him one bit." He chuckled. "He was taking away my sister!" Luke defended with a smile. "But I grew to like him."

"Han and I met while racing," Lando said. "You should have seen him back in those days. He was amazing behind the wheel."

"He was always giving me pointers and tips," Poe added. "The man knew his stuff."

Ren stood, leaning against the doorway, a beer in hand. Hux was a little surprised no one said anything about him being under age, but he supposed, given the circumstance, everyone understood. They listened a while, but then Ren grabbed Hux's hand and made his way down the hall. Hux wasn't in the least surprised when they arrived at Ren's old bedroom. Ren closed the door behind him and locked it. He set his beer on the dresser and pressed into Hux, kissing him fiercely.

Hux kissed him back, but he knew this wasn't about him; it wasn't even about THEM. "Ren, Agra," he whispered.

Ren pulled away and looked Hux in the eyes. Hux could feel his heart break just from looking into those watery brown eyes. "Make love to me?"

"Ren-"

"Please," he begged quietly. "I want to feel... SOMETHING. ANYTHING! Anything but THIS."

Hux wiped the tears that fell. "Alright, love." He kissed him tenderly. "Alright." He pulled him to the bed and sat down beside him. He gently cupped his cheek in his hand and kissed him again. He pulled away with a rueful smile. "This would be easier at home, you know. We don't have any lube here."

"That's okay," Ren replied. "We'll make do." He leaned in and kissed Hux, burying his fingers in his long red hair.

Hux tried to focus on Ren. All he wanted was to make him happy. He kissed him and then made his way down to his neck, sucking and biting gently. Hux pulled away for a moment and looked him in the eyes as he suggested, "I could just suck you off, if you'd like, love."

Ren had his head tilted back with his eyes closed. He nodded. "Yeah, yeah, that'd... That'd be... Uh... Real nice."

Hux took his time as he gently licked and sucked on his cock. He smiled to himself as he listened to the soft moans coming from Ren. It was obvious he was trying to keep as quiet as he could. It made Hux laugh on the inside when he realized Ren had grabbed his pillow and covered his face with it because he couldn't keep quiet well enough.

He felt Ren tremble beneath him and knew he was about to come. He swallowed it down and then licked Ren clean. He then laid down next to him. He pulled the pillow from his face with an amused grin. He stroked his face lovingly. "Feel better, my love?"

He took a deep breath and nodded. "Yeah. Thank you. So much."

Hux smiled. "Any time."

Ren curled into him, burying his face in his chest. "Thank you, for everything."

He pet his hair gently. "You're very welcome, my love."


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ren continues to deal with his grief.  
> Leia invites them over for a birthday party for Jacen and Jaena.

As the weeks passed, Ren tried to be more involved with life, but he found it so difficult. 'They say you should fake it until you make it,' he considered to himself as he worked on the plumbing in one of the rooms at the hotel. He sighed. 'I just don't know if I can. I mean, I just... Whatever. Just forget about it right now.' He went back to work.

One day, when Hux was working all day, Ren made plans to hang out with Rey. They sat in her room, smoking and drinking as they talked. 'I haven't really had a chance to talk to her about it,' Ren said to himself. 'Han was like a dad to her too. AND they actually got along. She must be feeling like shit.'

"So, how are things at the shop?" Ren asked as he took a drag on his joint.

Rey shrugged. "Still going," Rey answered. "Don't know if Leia is planning on keeping it or selling it."

Ren nodded. "Mom told me she wanted to read the will soon."

"I didn't even realize Han HAD a will."

Ren nodded and blew out a puff of smoke. "Yeah, apparently it stems from his short military career." Ren sighed. "I still feel like shit."

Rey nodded now. "I understand." She looked down. "I wasn't really talking to Han either."

"Really?"

'That's surprising to hear. She always got along with him.'

"Yeah, I... Well, once you told me what had happened, I talked to him. I tried to tell him that you were just taking a break, but he..." She sighed. 

Ren grabbed her hand when he realized she was crying. Rey wiped her tears. "He was like a dad to me."

Ren nodded. "I know. Sometimes I think he loved you more than he loved me."

Rey looked at him. "Don't say that, Ren."

"Well, it's true," Ren replied as he pulled away. He wrapped his arms around himself. "Sometimes I don't think he ever really loved me."

"Han loved you," Rey argued.

Ren rolled his eyes. "Sure."

'He loved HER. I think Rey was the kid they'd WISHED they'd had. She's smart and pretty and just likeable. I'm not the son they wanted.'

Ren eventually went home. Hux was already there making dinner. He smiled at him. "Evening, my darling," he said to him as he walked into the apartment. "How was your day?"

"Fine," Ren answered. "Went to hang out with Rey."

"Good," Hux said with a smile. "How was that?"

"Nice." Ren paused. "I'm gonna head to bed."

Hux looked crestfallen. "I'm almost done with dinner."

Ren nodded. "Okay."

'I'm not really hungry, but he wants to take care of me. I get it.' Ren sat at the table.

"Just a few more minutes, Agra."

Hux chatted away while they ate. 'I don't know why he feels like he has to fill the silence. I just want to be quiet.'

They cleared the dishes away and while they stood at the sink together, Hux kissed him. "Why don't we go to bed darling," he whispered. "And we can shag like we've never shagged before."

'I should show more enthusiasm. Let him know it's not him, it's me.'

Ren smiled. "Sure." He kissed him. "You wanna top?" He kissed Hux's neck. "I love seeing you on top of me."

"Fuck," Hux moaned. "I want to ride you."

"Sounds good to me," Ren whispered in reply. They made their way to their bedroom. Ren kept kissing and sucking on Hux's skin. He managed to help Hux out of his shirt and started kissing down his chest, dropping to his knees when he got low enough.

"Ren, you don't have to," Hux moaned out. Ren's only answer was to remove Hux of his pants and boxer briefs before he wrapped his lips around his cock. He could hear Hux moaning as he bobbed his head up and down.

'It's not that I don't love him, I'm just, believe it or not, not in the mood. I haven't been lately. I'm just tired. I can do it for him.'

Ren recalled every erotic memory he had of Hux. He thought of shoving him against the door and fucking him. He thought of the first time Hux blew him. How it felt to bury his fingers in his then short red hair. He finally came with Hux riding him.

He opened his eyes and looked up at him and smiled. Hux smiled down at him in return. "Give me just a moment," he breathed out. Once he finally caught his breath, he lifted himself off of Ren and went to get him a towel to clean his chest. Ren laid there quietly until Hux came back. Hux gave him the towel and then sat down on the bed to smoke a cigarette. Hux looked over at Ren, concern on his face. "Are you alright, darling?"

Ren pulled himself from his empty thoughts. "Yeah, just spaced out for a minute." He sighed. "I'm tired. I'm gonna go to sleep."

Hux nodded. "Alright." He leaned down and gave him a chaste kiss. "I'll see you in the morning."

Ren rolled over and fell to sleep.

********************************************************

Ren looked at the caller ID when his phone rang. He sighed heavily when he saw it was his mom. He and Hux had just sat down to watch a movie together. Hux paused the movie. "You should answer that."

Ren sighed again. "I know." He hit talk and put the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Ben? Hey, it's your mother. Um, I'm planning a small birthday party for the twins next week and I'd love it of you came."

'Do I have to? I mean, I want to try with Jaena, but Jacen is such a shit. And I'm sure Jaena will want Hux there too.'

"Sure. When exactly?"

"Saturday at two," Leia answered.

Ren nodded. "Yeah, we'll be there." Without even saying goodbye, Ren hung up.

'I don't know why I'm so mad at Mom, but I am. I don't know. Maybe I blame her for Dad being gone. Whatever.'

"What was that about?" Hux asked.

"Birthday party next Saturday for Jacen and Jaena. Mom asked us to go."

"Oh, alright," Hux replied. "I don't think we have anything planned. Sounds like fun."

Ren perked up. "We should go shopping!" Ren suggested excitedly. "Get a gift for Jaena."

Hux looked at with his brows raised. "And what about Jacen? We can't get something for Jaena and not him."

Ren sighed and sat back into the couch. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I wouldn't even know what to get them."

Hux smiled and leaned across the couch to kiss him. "We can go shopping. It might be fun. And if you can't figure out what to get them, a gift card somewhere will be suitable, I'm sure."

Ren smiled and nodded. "Okay." He stood up quickly and pulled Hux to his feet. "Let's go now!"

Hux laughed. "Alright."

They meandered through several stores, perusing the items with intense interest. 'I really want to get something nice for Jaena. I mean it doesn't have to be the PERFECT gift or something, but I want it to be special.'

"How old are Jaena and Jacen turning?" Hux asked, pulling Ren from his thoughts.

"Oh, uh, twelve."

"That is an age I'd never like to be again," Hux commented.

"What kind of things did YOU like when you were twelve?"

Hux chuckled. "Ren, I wasn't a typical child. You know this. I escaped into the world of the the written word mostly. Anything to get away from my father."

Ren felt himself boil in rage. He always did when Hux spoke of his dad. 'I wish I could meet him and I'd give him a piece of my mind. That asshole doesn't deserve to live. I swear, if I ever meet him... Well, I'll at least kick his ass.'

"What about you? What ever you interested in at twelve?"

Ren shrugged. "I don't know. Cars really."

Hux smiled. "So, you wanted to be a mechanic like your old man even then?"

Ren smiled too. "Yeah, I guess so. I idolized him a lot back then."

Ren waited for the pain to hit him, but it didn't. 'My heart is heavy, but I'm not like, inconsolable any more. He's been gone more than a month. It's still strange and I still miss him, but, I'm okay.'

Hux grabbed his hand. "You alright, Ren?"

Ren looked at him and nodded. "Yeah, just thinking about Dad." Hux waited for more. Holding his breath, expecting Ren to break down. Ren shrugged. "I miss him and I'm still mad at myself for not fixing things with him, but, I guess I've let it go. I've decided not to hold onto it anymore."

Hux squeezed his hand. "That's good." As they continued down the aisles, Hux finally added, "It won't ever stop hurting. You're going to miss him because he's gone, there's nothing else you CAN do. But you learn to live with it. Eventually you let it become a part of you rather than consume you. Then, one day, you wake up, and you realize you're okay. Nothing's changed and it's not BETTER, not by any means, but you're just... Okay."

'He knows what he's talking about because of his mom. Sometimes I wish I could have met her. I think she'd be proud of Hux.'

That night, as they laid in bed together, Ren asked him, "Will you tell me more about your mom?"

Hux was quiet for a moment. 'Fuck! I shouldn't have asked.'

But before Ren could scold himself further, Hux answered, "She was the kindest woman I ever knew. She always saw the best in people. I think that's why she loved my father. She saw him for the good things he was, not that there were many." He paused. "In the summer time, she was always in the gardens. Floral and fauna still make me think of her. She was a florist and grew many of her own flowers. I looked so much like her as a child."

"I wish I could have met her," Ren commented.

"I have a few pictures of her, if you'd like to see them," Hux suggested.

"Really? Yeah, I'd love to!"

They got up and Hux took him to the spare room. He dug through a couple boxes before he produced a small wooden box. Ren sat on the floor next to him as he opened it up. He showed Ren the first photo. It was a woman with long orange hair, smiling, with a tiny infant in her arms. "That was just after I was born." Hux chuckled. "Even THEN I had her hair." He showed him another. "Dis was from when she first opened her shop and this was from when she and Da got married. They actually eloped." He laughed again. "Me grandda always told it as if he'd never forgive 'em."

Ren smiled to himself. 'He's using his Irish accent. It's so Damn cute!'

Hux sighed after he showed Ren the last picture, there were seven in all. "Da took'd them all away after she died," Hux explained without prompt. " 'E said they made 'im sad just looking at 'em, but I tink 'e just wanted me to forget 'er. I never could dough. When I'd found where'd 'e locked 'em away, I slowly tried to steal 'em one by one. Dese are da only ones I managed ta take before I left." He stared down at the photo in his hand. "I've never shown dese to anyone before. Not even DJ."

Ren smiled to himself. 'He's sharing something with me he's never shared with ANYONE else. Not even that asshole ex of his. Maybe it's stupid, but that makes me feel good.'

Ren looked over at Hux when he realized he was crying. "Hux? Sweetie?"

Hux sniffled and wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry, I just... Miss her, ya know."

Ren put his arm around his should and he leaned into his side. "Do you believe in Heaven?" Ren asked.

"I think so," Hux whispered. "Yeah, yeah, I do." He was back in his English accent now. "My mum was too wonderful to be anywhere else."

Ren felt his own eyes fill with tears. "I'm sure she and Dad are up there together, talking about their two wonderful sons and how happy they are for us."

Hux nodded. "I like to think she's proud of me."

"I know she is," Ren whispered in return.

********************************************************

When Saturday rolled around, Ren was more excited than he'd anticipated. 'It's the first chance I have to really prove that I'm gonna try to change and be different, to really be a good big brother to Jaena.'

They arrived just as Rey and the boys were coming out of their house to come over. They greeted each other with lots of hugs. Hux even let Rey hug him. Jaena answered the door when they knocked.

She squealed. "You're all here!" she shouted in excitement. "Come in!" She grabbed Hux's hand and pulled him inside, urging everyone else to follow. "Jess, this is the rest of my family," she said to a girl her own age who was sitting on the couch. "This is my brother Ren and his boyfriend Hux. And that's Rey and Finn and Poe. Guys, this is my best friend, Jessica."

"Hi," she said with a bright smile, showing off her braces. Everyone else echoed the salutation.

"Where should we put your gifts, princess?" Poe asked.

"In the family room. All the adults are in there," Jaena answered. She and Jessica went back to the card game they were playing as the others made their way to the family room.

Leia was there with Luke and Lando. Leia stood up. "Hey there!" She went to Ren and hugged him. "So glad you could make it." She hugged Rey next, giving her a kiss on the cheek as well. She then hugged Poe and Finn.

'Did she purposefully not hug Hux?' Ren wondered. 'Stop being so hyper-sensitive, I'm sure she just didn't realize.'

Luke stood up next. "I'll grab Jacen and his friend then," he suggested, "so we can do cake and ice cream."

Everyone gathered in the dinning room. Jaena sat with her friend Jessica, whispering. Ren noticed that they both tried to take discreet glances at Hux. 'Well, he's gorgeous, why wouldn't they want to look at him?' Ren put his arm around him and kissed his cheek, causing a giggle to come from Jaena and her friend.

Jacen and his friend came in and sat down too. Ren heard Jacen's friend whisper to him, "I didn't realize your faggot brother was gonna be here."

"I didn't know either," Jacen whispered back. "Think I want some fags at my birthday party."

Ren bawled his fists. 'The fucking little shit! I ought to-' but Ren's thought was cut off when he felt Hux's hand grab his own. Ren relaxed his fist. 'It's just a couple hours and then we can go. I just gotta ignore him.'

After cake and ice cream was done, everyone went into the family room to open presents. Luke of course had gotten them both something from the shop. "Incense is one of the best ways to heal your soul, no matter what is going on. I put a list together too to help you decide what you might need at different times."

Jaena smiled. "Thanks, Uncle Luke."

"Yeah, thanks," Jacen echoed.

Ren smirked. 'They don't really know Luke. Dad didn't get along with him so they never had a relationship with him.'

They opened their other gifts, but Ren only paid attention when Jaena got to the one from him and Hux. She unwrapped it and her face lit up. They'd found an antique jewelry box at a local antique store. 'It just said 'Jaena' to me,' he thought.

She looked up at him with a huge smile. "Ren! I love it!" She set it down and nearly leapt off the couch to hug him. "Thank you so much! It's beautiful!" She squeezed him tightly and then turned to Hux, giving him a hug too. "Thank you. I love it."

"You're welcome," Ren finally replied.

'Maybe being a big brother isn't so bad after all.'


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux seeks advice from Luke. He then asks Leia for her blessing to marry Ren.  
> Ren's twenty-first birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I know it's been WAY too long since I've updated. Writer's block and just life in general. But I swear I haven't abandoned this fic or any of my others. Hope you enjoy this recent chapter!
> 
> Gaelic terms:   
> máistir: master  
> Lá breithe shona duit: happy birthday

Hux gathered the mail before he went up to his flat. He knew Ren was home already, it was his day off. He stepped into the flat and smiled when he saw him sitting there talking with Rey. Hux had grown more used to Rey. He still didn't think he'd like her if he'd met her on his own, but he had come to like her for Ren's sake.

"Evening," he said as he dropped his keys and the mail on the side table by the door. "How are the two of you?"

Rey smiled. "Great! We were just discussing Ren's birthday."

"Right, that IS coming up soon," Hux replied.

"And I'll be twenty-one," Ren commented with a wry smile.

Hux rolled his eyes with a smile. "Of course. And I suppose you're going to want a big to-do about it, don't you?"

"Of course!" Ren answered. "Have you met me?!"

Hux chuckled. "I'm not in the least surprised." He sat down on the other chair. "So, what do you want to do for your birthday?"

"Well," Rey began, "we were discussing maybe doing some bar hoping. I was thinking we hit a couple of different places. Ren does their signature drink before we head to the next bar. All leading up to the last place we go."

"Anywhere in particular?"

"There's a gay club in Portland I want to go to," Ren interjected.

Hux smiled, "Whatever you want, Agra."

"What does 'Agra' mean?" Rey asked. "I've heard you say it a time or two."

"It means I'm his special prince and he loves me more than anything in the world," Ren teased.

Hux rolled his eyes. "It's just Gaelic for 'sweetheart'."

"Gaelic? As in Irish?"

Hux bristled. He knew it wasn't typically common knowledge that the Irish language was Gaelic, but it bothered him when people were ignorant of the fact. "Gaelic is the Irish language, yes."

"Hux's mom is Irish," Ren explained.

"No way! What did you guys do for St. Patrick's day?" Rey asked excitedly.

Hux sighed and shook his head. Ren sat forward excitedly. "Oh, it was so much fun!" Ren told her all about it.

Hux had come home from work, already tired of Phasma's jokes about him being a leprechaun. When he walked into his flat, he stepped on a paper rainbow. He closed the door and sighed. "Ren!" he called, but there was no reply. He sighed as he did the only logical thing he could think of and followed the trail of rainbows.

It led him to the kitchen, where on the table was a bottle of Irish whiskey and a small pile of chocolate gold coins. He rolled his eyes, but smiled to himself. "Ren!" he called out once again, but without any response.

He finally noticed a note on the table as well. 'Sorry, wanted to spend St. Patrick's Day with you, but got called into work. Call me when you get home. Love you!'

Hux called him and he was certain he heard Ren's phone ringing, but Ren quickly answered. "Hey, there! How are you?"

"I'm well. Work was long, but I got through it. How are you?"

"I'm good. Sorry, I got called into work."

Hux chuckled. "Not to worry, Acushla. I'll just relax with the bottle of whiskey you got me."

"That's not all I got you!" Ren quickly said. "I wanted to do this in person, but, hold on." He paused and then suddenly, a piano was playing. Now, Hux knew for certain Ren was home. He could hear the piano being played from the spare room. He made his way there and stood in the doorway and watched him.

"Oh, hey, Gingerbread!"

Hux leaned against the door frame. "Good evening."

"I found this song and thought you might enjoy it." Ren continued playing.

Hux moved to stand behind Ren. "I recognize it. It's a classic Irish song." He wrapped his arms around him and rested his head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes and hummed along.

Ren finally ended the song. They stayed as they were for a moment. Hux finally opened his eyes and kissed Ren's cheek. "You are a delight. I hope you know."

Ren smiled. "I try."

Hux watched as Ren told Rey all about it. About how he researched for hours to find a classic Irish song and then how it was so painstaking to find the actual sheet music. He couldn't help thinking about how beautiful Ren was.

Rey cooed. "Oh, Hux, I'm so jealous of you! You have such an awesome boyfriend!"

Hux smiled over at Ren. "I really do."

********************************************************

The next day, Hux went out to see Luke while Ren was at work. He was glad that he'd become more comfortable with Luke. He was still very odd, but he'd grown fond of the man.

"So, what can I do for you today?" Luke asked him as he handed him a cup of tea.

Hux sighed. "I guess I just wanted some advice. I'm sure you've already assumed I haven't yet asked Ren to marry me yet."

Luke sipped his tea. "I had figured. Just hadn't figured out why."

Hux met his eyes. "I couldn't after Han died," he explained. He sighed and stared back down at his mug. "And then he was grieving. I just couldn't be like 'well, sorry your dads dead, but let's get married!'." He looked up at Luke again. "I just want the moment to be right."

Luke chuckled. "You're never gonna find the 'right' moment, believe me." Luke sighed. "I waited YEARS for the right moment to ask Mara to settle down with me. Now, we're just old and I think it's too late."

"I thought you two got married on a whim?" Hux questioned.

Luke nodded. "We did, but I meant, well, I've wanted, for a long time now, to ask her to stick around. Like we could be a real, NORMAL, couple."

Hux grinned. "Look at you, wanting to fit the status quo."

Luke laughed. "Right! Who would have thought?!" He paused. "In all seriousness, maybe you should ask Leia for her blessing? It might give you the umph to finally ask Ren."

Hux nodded. "I think I will."

********************************************************

Hux figured there was no time like the present, so he went straight to Leia's after leaving Luke's. He took a deep breath before he knocked. His heart pounded like mad. Jacen answered the door. Hux forced a smile. "Evening. I was hoping to speak with your mother. Is she available?"

"Yeah," Jacen answered with a bored expression. He stepped away so Hux could come inside. "Mom!" he called. "Ben's dude is here!"

Hux understood why Ren despised him so much. Leia entered the living room. She gave a polite smile. "Hux, what can I do for you?"

Hux cleared his throat. "I was hoping to have a private word with you."

"Of course." She turned and led him to the family room. She sat on the sofa. "What's up?"

Hux tentatively sat on the other side. "Leia, you know how much Ren means to me. And, I know we haven't been together long." Hux was staring at his hands in his lap as he spoke. He was so scared of her answer. "And yet, it feels like we've been together for a lifetime. I..." he paused and looked up to meet Leia's gaze. Her expression was neutral. "I would like your blessing in asking him to marry me."

Leia was silent, but only for a moment. She quickly shook her head. "No."

Hux sighed. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I was hoping you would be happy for us. For HIM at least."

"How can I be happy for Ben if I think it's a huge mistake?" Leia spat back.

Hux licked his lips. "Why? Why would it be a mistake? What have I done to convince you that I'm not sincere in my affections for him!?"

"You've taken my son away from me!" Leia shouted. She pointed an accusing finger at him. "If YOU hadn't come into his life, my son wouldn't be as lost as he is now. He'd still be in school! He and his dad would have been okay with each other!"

"Han kicked him out!" Hux yelled back as he stood up. "And YOU let him! You've never stood up for Ren, never once!" Hux paused, trying to control his temper. "I LOVE Ren. More than anything in the world. He makes me happier than I ever thought I could be. And he's happy with me. I'm sorry you can't see that." Leia tried to interrupt, but Hux continued. "I'll marry him without your blessing if I must. Good day." He turned and headed for the front door. As he made his way to his car, he heard someone call his name. He turned to see Jaena running toward him.

"Are you REALLY going to ask Ren to marry you?" she asked.

Hux smiled at her. "Eaves dropping were you?" He leaned against the door of his car. "Yes, that is my intent."

"Why?" Jaena asked.

Hux was taken aback. "What do you mean 'why'? Because I love him."

Jaena looked down at her feet. "But WHY do you love him?" She looked up as she continued. "I just don't understand why you're even with him?"

Hux was perplexed. "I thought you liked that I was with him."

"I like YOU, Hux!" she explained. "I think you're fun and funny and I just like being around you, but... Aren't you scared of Ren?" she asked in a whisper.

Hux crossed his arms. "Why would I be scared of him?"

Jaena looked at the ground again and toed it with her shoe. "He scares ME," she answered in a whisper.

Hux pushed himself from the car and knelt on one knee in front of her. He took her hands in his. She looked up at him then. "Why? Why does your brother frighten you so?"

Jaena sniffled, trying to hold in tears. "He gets so angry. I used to watch him and Dad and they... He would yell and scream. There were so many times he almost hit Dad! I can't tell you how many holes Ren punched into the wall!" She took a deep breath. "I'm scared he'll hurt YOU."

Hux shook his head and brushed hair out of Jaena's face. "He won't. I can promise you that. If you think Ren has it in himself to hurt me, then you don't know him." He paused. "Jaena, I love your brother, with all of my heart. It saddens me that you're so afraid of him. He cares for you. He wants to be a better big brother."

Jaena met his gaze with a questioning one. "Really?"

Hux smiled. "Yes, really. And if you give him a chance, you'll see why I want to marry him."

********************************************************

Ren's twenty-first birthday was fast approaching. Hux was silently glad that Rey seemed to be taking care of everything. Hux knew, however, it meant he'd have to put more effort into his gift to Ren.

"So, what you get me for my birthday?" Ren begged to know yet again as they curled up on the sofa together to watch a movie.

"Something you'll like," Hux answered.

"Are you SURE I'll like it?" Ren asked as he nuzzled his head on Hux's chest. "Maybe you should tell me what it is so I can tell you if I'll like it."

Hux just chuckled and kissed the top of Ren's head. "I'm sure you'll love it, Agra." He started playing with Ren's hair, combing his fingers through it.

Ren closed his eyes and sighed. "That always feels so nice," he said.

"I'm glad," Hux replied. He then started braiding Ren's hair. He wanted to surprise him by learning it on his own. He'd watched hours of tutorials online. He needed someone to practice on, so he convinced Phasma to ask Rose to be his model.

"I don't mind in the least, bro!" Rose said excitedly as she sat in a chair in front of him. "This will be fun! Gwen doesn't know ANYTHING about helping me with my hair."

"You never ask!" Phasma defended herself.

Hux ignored their bickering and set to work on Rose's hair. He tried to be gentle, not wanting to tug too hard as he twisted pieces of hair here and there. Once he was finished he took a deep breath. "Okay, what do you think, little sister?"

Rose picked up the mirror from the table. She examined her image and set the mirror down. "It needs to be MUCH tighter," she answered as she started to take the braid out.

Hux sighed. "I don't want to pull too hard on your hair."

"Ren might like that," Phasma teased. Hux just glared at her as he started working on Rose's hair again.

It took him several tries before he felt ready to do it for Ren. It didn't seem to occur to him what Hux was doing exactly until he was almost done. "Are you French braiding my hair?" Ren asked in surprise.

"Hold still," Hux instructed. "I'm almost done." He finished the tail of the braid and then said, "There."

Ren reached up and gently touched his head. "This is FANTASTIC, Gingerbread!" He looked up at him. "Where did you learn to do this!?"

Hux just shrugged. "I just did."

"You probably watched YouTube videos or something," Ren replied as he snuggled into Hux's side again.

Hux chuckled. "Something like that." Hux gently stroked his hand up and down Ren's arm. "I love you, Ren."

Ren sighed happily. "I love you too."

Hux looked down and realized, Ren was already asleep. He smiled to himself. He knew he was ready to ask Ren to marry him and decided in that moment, that would be his birthday gift.

********************************************************

Hux was already dressed before Ren got out of the shower. "I am SO excited!" Ren said as he walked into their room, towel wrapped loosely around his waist.

Hux smiled. "Good. I'm glad. I'm also glad Rey took care of all the planning."

Ren chuckled. "Yeah, she's good at that kind of stuff." Ren turned around to fish through his dresser for something to wear. Hux took the opportunity to, once again, study Ren's tattoo. He smiled as he thought about his own on his skin. His father would be furious. The thought made him even happier. Pulling Hux from his thoughts, Ren asked, "Do you think I should wear slacks or jeans? I mean, I want to dress nice for dinner, but I want to be casual when we go out afterward."

Hux groaned internally. He'd forgotten that they were doing dinner with Ren's family before they went out to drink. After his last conversation with Leia, Hux wasn't looking forward to seeing her again. "You know, I could let you do dinner with your family alone," Hux suggested. "If you wanted."

Ren stopped and turned to look at him in question. "Why? Why would I want that?"

Hux shrugged, trying to act casual. "I know birthdays are a big thing for your family. I just thought that, maybe having someone else there would feel awkward for everyone else."

Ren laughed. "Are you kidding?! Lando is gonna be there and Amlyn too! You know how my family is. Blood isn't what makes you family." Ren turned back to his dresser.

Hux sighed. He knew he was never going to get out of this one.

********************************************************

Hux sat quietly as they gathered around the table at Unamo's restaurant. Ren of course joked with her that he was now able to drink legally. Hux felt himself grow jealous, watching Ren's family and friends faun over him, all because he'd been born. He'd never had that himself. Even as a child, his father made sure he understood he was nothing and deserved no special treatment simply because he existed.

"When someone is celebrated it should be because of merit," Colonel explained when Caohmie asked why they couldn't have a small party for Armitage's birthday.

"Brendol, he's a child. All children should celebrate their birthdays," she argued. "We don't have to do anything big, just go out for dinner as a family perhaps."

"I said 'no'!" And that was the end of the discussion.

After dinner, Ren and Hux left with Rey and her boyfriends in tow. With Ren's permission, Hux had invited Phasma and Rose along as well. They met them at the club.

"Now, the real fun can begin!" Rey exclaimed as they pulled into the parking lot. "This is for you," she said to Ren as she handed him a sash to put over his chest. It read 'I'm 21 bitches!'

Ren slipped it on with a giant grin. "I love it!"

"Come on," Poe said as he grabbed his hand. "Let's get you fucked up!"

Once inside, they found Phasma and Rose. They greeted Ren with well wishes for his birthday and then found a table together. "For starters, I'll grab a couple of pitchers of beers for all of us," Phasma said as she made her way back to the bar to order.

"I'll help you with them," Hux offered. He kissed Ren and added, "I'll be right back, my darling." He followed Phasma to the bar. "I need your help to make sure Ren doesn't get too plastered tonight."

Phasma laughed. "What the Hell for?" To the bartender she said, "Three pitchers of beer, please. And we'll need six glasses." She looked at Hux. "Rey is still designated driver, right?"

Hux nodded his answer.

"Great!" Phasma grabbed two of the pitchers and Hux grabbed the other and the stack of cups before heading back to the table.

"I just really don't want Ren to drink too much," he said as they made their way to the others.

"Why?"

"I really don't want to deal with the hangover and alcohol poisoning," Hux huffed.

Phasma rolled her eyes. "He's twenty-one! Let him live a little!" Before Hux had a chance to reply, they were at the table. "Who's ready for some beer?!" Phasma shouted as she set her pitchers on the table.

"I am SO ready!" Ren exclaimed, excitement coursing through him almost visibly.

Hux watched him as they all chatted away. Ren was completely at ease in this environment. Even with his closest friends, Hux was never as at ease as Ren was in that moment.

After beers, they moved on to shots. The first one Ren insisted on was called 'perverted Irishman whiskey'. "It's YOU in a shot glass!" Ren teased at Hux.

Hux just rolled his eyes and took the shot. It was delicious really. It was half Irish whiskey and half Irish cream. Hux was interested in having another, but Rey had convinced Ren and the rest of the group, they should just got through as many different kinds of shots as they could. The next one also had Irish cream however. It was called an 'apocalypse now' after the movie. It was one part Irish cream, one part tequila, and one part dry vermouth.

Phasma slammed down her glass after taking the shot. "Woo! I LOVE tequila!"

"You and me both sister!" Poe exclaimed.

Hux's face pinched as he down the drink. "I'm not a fan personally."

Ren downed his quickly. "Ah! What's next!?"

"It's another tequila shot," Finn warned, "but the black rose is awesome. Maybe not the taste itself, but it looks so cool."

"A round of black rose shots!" Ren called to the waiter.

"What's in it?" Rose asked.

"Tequila rose and black vodka," Finn answered. "When the tequila is topped with the black vodka, it swirls around in the glass. It just looks so cool."

It did. Hux was almost mesmerized by the way the black swirled around the pink colored drink. But, once again, being tequila based, he wasn't a fan of the taste.

"One more shot," Ren suggested. "Then we should go dance!"

"Blow jobs!" Phasma shouted. "It's your 21st birthday, Ren, you HAVE to do one!"

Hux bit his lip. He knew exactly what the drink entailed and he wasn't looking forward to watching his boyfriend take the shot. The drink was delicious, being a half ounce of Irish cream and 3/4 ounce of amaretto garnished with whipped cream, but it was the tradition of HOW one took the shot that bothered him.

For some reason, he was usually the victim when this particular shot was ordered at the bar when he worked there. "Blow job for my little brother!" a drunken blond man called out. Hux sighed, made the drink, and went to their table.

"Who's down for a blow job?" he asked.

"It's my brother's twenty-first birfday," the man slurred out. "Come on Joel, the cute red head wants to give you a blow job."

Hux grabbed a chair and sat down. The birthday boy approached. He was blond, like his brother, but he had dark eyes. He was handsome. Hux put the shot glass between his legs, close to his crotch. "Come and get it Joel," he said to him in a seductive tone.

The man smiled and knelt between his legs. He placed a hand on each knee before he lowered his head to grabbed the glass with his mouth and tilt his head back to drink it. All of his friends cheered excitedly. Joel handed the glass back to Hux. "Thanks." Hux stood up and was about to head back to the bar, but Joel stepped closer and whispered. "I'd like to do it for reals later."

"Bathroom. Ten minutes," Hux replied.

"I'll be there."

Hux tried not to think about it or the dozens of other times he gave a customer a blow job while he watched Ren take it from another man. Hux didn't think of himself as a jealous man, but he ached to be the one in the chair for Ren.

Ren grabbed the glass between his lips and threw his head back, downing the shot with ease. "Woo!" he shouted, when he took the glass from his mouth. He handed it back to the man as he stood up and went to Hux and grabbed his hand. "Let's go dance!" Hux felt himself being a little pleased that Ren hadn't even given the waiter a first glance.

Hux still wasn't fond of dancing, but he enjoyed being so close to Ren. Hux was graceful so that even though he felt awkward gyrating out on the dance floor, he knew his movements looked fluid.

The night went on like this, drinks and dancing. Whenever someone came around and started flirting with Hux, Ren was right there, pulling him close and making out with him like a maniac.

As they stumbled in the front door of their apartment later that night, or early that morning, Hux wasn't exactly sure which it was, Ren pulled Hux to him and kissed him vigorously. "Let's go to our room," Hux suggested.

"Uh-uh," Ren moaned out. "There's no time." He pressed Hux against the door and continued to kiss him. He undid Hux's shirt as he licked and kiss down to his neck and started sucking on his collar bone. Hux closed his eyes and moaned in pleasure. Ren knew his weak spots and he used them to his advantage.

Hux finally pushed him away. "No, it's YOUR birthday, máistir."

Ren grinned. "God, I love when you use Irish words."

Hux pulled away from the door and spun around, pinning Ren against it. "You're going to love THIS even more," he whispered seductively as he knelt down and undid Ren's pants.

There was a time, Hux hadn't enjoyed going down on another man. It had been forced upon him too many times as a means to an end. Such as with his headmaster in high school.

Hux quietly knocked on the door to his headmaster's office. Snoke looked up and smiled evilly. "Armitage Hux, please come in." Hux stepped inside and closed the door behind.

"Headmaster Snoke, what can I do for you?" Hux asked as he sat in the chair on the other side of Snoke's desk.

"I think you know why I've called you here," Snoke answered.

Hux racked his brain for any possible reason, but he couldn't think of anything, unless... There was no way he could have been caught. He knew it was better to not admit to anything.

Hux shook his head. "I really don't know what you could possibly-" Hux stopped as Snoke brought his military entrance exam out and slapped it against the desk. Hux felt his heart pound and his breath caught in his throat. "My entrance exam to Westpoint, sir?"

Snoke chuckled. "Don't feign innocence with me Armitage." He leaned forward and whispered, "I know you cheated."

"Please sir, I... I... I had to pass. I already took it twice before... I just... I HAD to pass!"

Snoke stood and walked around to the front of his desk. "You do realize you'll NEVER get into Westpoint now, don't you? Or any other university at this point really."

Tears filled Hux's eyes. "Please, headmaster! I HAVE to get into Westpoint. Please, I-"

"First, I'll be calling your father."

"No, please!" Hux begged as tears fell. "Please, you CAN'T tell my father. I'll do anything! Just, please, PLEASE, don't tell Brendol!"

Snoke looked down at Hux, an almost sympathetic look on his scarred face, but then it twisted into an evil grimace. "ANYTHING, Armitage?" he asked as he tenderly stroked his hair.

Hux looked up at Snoke. He knew exactly what he was suggesting. He sniffled. "Yes, headmaster." He reached out and put his hand on Snoke's extended elbow. "Anything. I will do whatever necessary to keep my father from hearing about this. And if you will submit my exam as it stands."

Snoke seemed to ponder on this before he replied, "See me after school today. We will discuss this... In further detail then."

Hux nodded. "Yes, headmaster."

Snoke went back to his chair. "You are dismissed.

Hux quickly stood up and left. He found the nearest toilet and locked himself inside as he sobbed.

After school had been released for the day, Hux knocked again on the headmaster's office door. "Enter," Snoke called from inside. Hux took a deep breath and went inside. He closed the door behind him. "Lock it," Snoke instructed. Hux did so and then turned back to Snoke, awaiting his instructions. "Come here, Armitage."

Hux made his way around the desk and stood in front of the headmaster. His heart was beating wildly. He couldn't believe he was doing this. He was disgusted that he was so willing to debase himself simply to keep Brendol from finding out that he'd cheated on an exam.

Snoke put his gnarled hands on Hux's hips and drew him in closer. "And you're certain about this Armitage?"

"Yes sir," he answered. He gulped down a breath. "As I said, I'll do anything, if you simply don't tell my father about the exam."

Snoke reached up and stroked Hux's hair. Hux wanted to turn away from the touch, but he stood there and took it. He had to remind himself that this was NOT the worst part of the situation. "Very well. On your knees boy!" He grabbed Hux's shoulder and shoved him down hard to the floor. Hux winced at the jarring pain as his knees hit the floor beneath him. He watched in disgust as Snoke undid his pants and pulled his dick out. He began stroking himself, bringing himself to full-hardness. "Have you ever sucked dick before, Armitage?"

Hux refused to meet his eyes. "Yes sir."

"A pity I can't be the one to take your virgin mouth." He grabbed Hux's hair and forced him to look up at him. "You're a slut aren't you? Yes, a God damn whore! I can't even fathom the number of dicks you've probably had in that pretty little mouth of yours. Or inside your little ass. Yes, I can imagine it." Snoke had closed his eyes as he described the scene. "You're such a slut, aren't you? You've probably serviced the cock's of ALL your father's commanding officers." He finally let go of his own dick and shoved Hux's face down. Begrudgingly, Hux opened his mouth and put Snoke in his mouth. He heard the older man sigh in pleasure. "Yes! Oh, Armitage, yes." Hux was unwilling to make any real effort and so, Snoke forced his head up and down. "Daddy probably started whoring you out to his men as soon as you were old enough, didn't he?"

Hux could feel tears welling up in his eyes. How had he gotten himself into this? Wouldn't it have been easier to take a beating from his father? But Hux truly feared Brendol. He felt anything would be better than what he would receive from his father. Hux stopped listening to what Snoke said, zoning out as best he could.

But Hux was older now, and in a happy, steady relationship. This was different. Though the exercise was much the same, there was love and devotion here. "I'm so close," Ren groaned from above him, pulling Hux back into the moment. Hux dug his fingers into Ren's hips, a silent sighed to let him know he was ready for him. Ren gripped tight to Hux's hair as he spilled into his mouth. Hux sucked it down and then licked him clean. He looked up at him with a smile.

"Lá breithe shona duit, Agra."

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, so please be kind in your constructive criticism.


End file.
